Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ The Adventures of Peter Pan (Weiss Style) ❯ Part One ( Chapter 1 )

I wish I could say that I own Weiß then I could say that I was Takehito, Koyasu and that I was a sexy Japanese voice actor and j-pop star… but unfortunately I'm not….

Schu: Thank Kami-sama for small miracles!

… *Smacks him upside the head with a mallet* …

Schu: x_x

… Anyway as I was saying, before I don't own Weiß, nor do I own this story that I'm going to be royally fucking up. I don't know who it belongs too… but I do know Disney did it's own version of it… anyway enjoy!

Cast of Characters

Peter Pan- Fujimiya Ran

Wendy Darling- Hidaka Ken

John Darling- Kudoh Yohji

Michael Darling- Tsukiyono, Omi

Tinker Bell- Schuldich

Captain Hook- Bradley Crawford

Smee- Farfarello

Tiger Lily- Sakura

Narrator- Nagi

Alligator- Mechanical Device created by Nagi

Lost boys- Random character

Director- Me! Cherubkatan!

Ran: … Wait a minute, why am I Peter Pan?

Cherubkatan: because silly, you look damn sexy in those tights. *purrs*

Schu: I don't know about you, but I do have to agree with her, besides you don't see me complaining about being Tinker Bell.

Ken: … that's because we all know how much you love to prance around as a fairy Schu!

Schu: … Shut up Wendy or I'll sprinkle my magic pixie dust over you and turn you into a frog.

Brad: *holds the bridge of his nose* I shouldn't have woke up this morning.

Yohji: *smirks* I'm not going to complain; I still get all the hot women.

Omi: Yohji-kun… I hate to say this but in never neverland, there are no women… and you're going to be a kid in this…

Yohji: NANI?! *Glares at Cherubkatan* what the hell is the chibi talking about?

Omi: Don't call me…

Cherubkatan: Oh be quiet Yohji, at least your not wearing tights as Ran is.

Ran: *growls*

Farfie: This hurts god!

Brad: *sighs* Just tell me when this is over…

Cherubkatan: Anyway people lets get this show on the road!

~~

Narrator: Welcome, children, this is the tale of the boy who never grew up. The one known as Peter Pan and one of his many adventures in Neverland, we start this story in London, England where the three Darling children are just about to go to sleep. Their names are Wendy.

Wendy: *walks out onto the stage wearing a pink night gown*

Schu: *snickers in the back*

Wendy: *glares at Schu*

Narrator: *clears throat* John.

John: *saunters out with a cigarette in his mouth, wearing tight leopard print pajamas* Hey sis!

Wendy: … Yohji I doubt that's what a little boy wears to bed… much less does *pulls the cigarette out of his mouth* Besides think of the children reading this!

John: … *mutters* … first no women… now no cigarettes… I'm really beginning to regret this whole fic…

Narrator: And the youngest one Michael.

Michael: *hops out onto the stage, wearing footy pajama's with teddy bears on them* Hiya! *Waves to everyone*

Wendy & John: *stare at Michael*

Wendy: … Omi, just what in the *bleep* are you wearing?! … What the *beep* why am I being bleeped out?!

*Off the stage*

Cherubkatan: We're TRYING to keep this Pg here people!

Schu: … Oh yeah great trying, you have men cross-dressing and hinting on Shonen Ai, I doubt this is a PG Rating.

Cherubkatan: … *sniffs* This is a children's classic

Brad: one that is going to be mutilated by you.

Cherubkatan: … Just keep going!

Narrator: Right. As I was saying, it starts out with the three Darling children, just getting ready for a night of rest and relaxation from their long hard day of school and other boring things like assassinating people who don't really deserve it.

Wendy: *stretches* boy, I'm tired. What about you two, are you tired?

John: *smiles lazily* All that flirting I did today, did do a number on me. *Walks over to a bed and stretches out on it*

Michael: I'm not tired yet. *Looks around for a computer* where's my computer

Narrator: … Omi this is England in the late eighteen early nineteen hundreds… there are no computers.

Michael: *pouts*

John: *snickers* If I can't have cigarettes or women, chibi can't have computers.

Michael: … Don't call me chibi!

John: Fine… chibi

Michael: I said don't call me that, Yohji-kun!

John: *smirks* All right, all right, I won't, chibi.

Michael: *growls*

Wendy: Would you two just shut the *bleep* up! The more you two argue the more we have to sit through this torture!

*Backstage*

CherubKatan: … *sighs, looking over at Brad* who's mutilating the story now?

Brad: *shrugs* It's being destroyed by someone…

Schu: I'm surprised you didn't "predict" this Bwadley…

Brad: … Schuldich don't call me that…

Schu: *smiles* ok Bwaddie…

Brad: …

Cherubkatan: … why me?

Ran: because your forcing us to do this.

Cherubkatan: hush…

*On stage*

Narrator: So as we were saying the three children were getting ready for bed. Soon the three children were tucked in and fast asleep, dreaming delicious dreams, or in some cases, like a certain playboy slut…

John: … I HEARD THAT!

Narrator: Go to sleep John boy! Ahem, the three children fell into a fast and peaceful slumber filled with wonderful dreams. They slept like this for hours, when a knock came on their nursery window, causing them to wake up.

*Sound effect* KNOCK… KNOCK

Wendy: Someone's rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

Michael: … Idiot that's from Edgar Allen Poe's The Raven… Wrong story all together.

Wendy: *blushes* Oh yeah…

John: It's the nightgown; it's finally getting to him.

Wendy: Shut up slut.

John: …

Narrator: the children were puzzled as to how someone could be knocking on their window this late at night. Especially considering that they were on the third floor of a huge mansion type house and it was impossible for anyone to be that high up without a ladder.

*Sound effect* KNOCK… KNOCK…KNOCK

Michael: You know it's inhumanely possible for anyone in this period to know exactly what a ladder is.

Wendy: yeah! What Michael said?

Narrator: Would you two stop arguing with me and open the damn window.

Peter Pan: *from outside* If someone doesn't open this *bleeping* window… I'll take my Katana and break it.

Wendy: … *dashes over and throws the window open* who are you?

Peter Pan: *steps onto the stage wearing a forest green Robin Hood type tunic with bright green tights, an emerald colored hat and olive colored elfin shoes that curl up a bit* My name's Peter Pan… *grumbles to himself* I swear I'm going to kill her when I'm finished with this…

Wendy: *gets hearts in his eyes* Oh wow, I didn't know Peter Pan would look so hot!

Tinker Bell: *flutters in on a rope, wearing a normal fairy get up and holding a little wand* … Hands off of him you slut of a she/male *hits Wendy on the head with the wand*

Wendy: *rubs his head* hey you fairy boy that's not in the script!

Tinker Bell: It is now.

*Backstage*

Cherubkatan: … this is going to be a long story….

Brad: be grateful… they could do worse…

Farfie: *licks his knife* wait until we're onstage

Cherubkatan: *groans*

*On the set*

John: *lights up a cigarette* so what's a fairy and a man in tights doing in a place like this?

Michael: Yohji! Put that cigarette out!

John: … fine *snuffs it out*

Peter Pan: … I need my shadow back… some stupid cat pulled it off of me the other night while I was snooping around.

Tinker Bell: *snickers slightly* would you believe that the red head's afraid of cats?

Wendy: Awwww, poor little guy, you lost your shadow huh? Here we'll look for it for you.

Narrator: So the three children, the prick in tights and the annoying telepathic fairy went searching around the tiny nursery for the lost shadow. Finally, after hours of searching it was found to be in one of the kid's dressers.

Wendy: *holds up something that looks like a pair of black panty hose cut out into the figure of a human* I think I found it!

Peter Pan: *smiles slightly* good, now to stick it back on… *pulls out a bar of soap and tries to put it on with that*

Narrator: try as the revenge filled psycho might he just couldn't put the panty hose back on.

Wendy: Here let me sew it up for you *grabs a needle and thread, Peter Pan's foot and begins to sew the shadow back on*

John: *whispers to Michael* I didn't know Ken could sew…

Michael: … *sweat drops* me either…

Wendy: *hums merrily as he sews it back on pricking Peter pan more times than anything*

Narrator: After many scream filled hours later, Wendy was finished with the sewing…

Peter Pan: *stands up limping*… I think next time I'll use super glue…

Tinker Bell: That's what you get for trusting a transvestite.

Wendy: *glares at Tinker Bell* At least I'm not the one that's proud of being a *bleeping* fairy

*Off Set*

Cherubkatan: ENOUGH YOU TWO OR I'M GOING TO WRITE A DAMN SCHU/KEN FIC that has you BOTH as *bleeps* transvestites!

*On stage*

Both: *look at each other then sweat drop*

Narrator: And so we move on with the story at hand. *Shuffles some papers around* Now where were we? Ah, here we are. Soon after the shadow was placed back on its rightful owner. Peter Pan got a wonderful idea.

Peter Pan: I know since all of you helped me with my shadow, why don't you come with me to visit Never Neverland!

Wendy: What's Never Neverland?

Peter Pan: It's my home and a place where you never have to grow up to be an adult!

Tinker Bell: *mutters* As if half of you act like adults in the first place.

Wendy, John, and Michael: *glare at the fairy*

Peter Pan: Anyway… back to what I was saying. I'll take you all to Never Neverland. Tinker Bell; get your fairy behind over here.

Tinker Bell: Yes master *purrs and flies over to Peter*

Peter Pan: good now sprinkle that fairy dust of yours on those three so they can fly.

John: *smirks* so there are some type of drugs in this "classic story" *rubs his hands together* all right! I'm in!

Michael: *slaps John upside the head* you idiot, that's not drugs!

Tinker Bell: Shows what you know kid *sprinkles some type of white powder all over them*

Peter Pan: Now to be able to fly… all you have to do is think happy thoughts…

John: … happy thoughts eh?

Peter Pan: Yes, happy thoughts… like this… *starts thinking about the sweet revenge he'll have on Takatori and starts to fly* See, it's easy!

Michael: hmmm *thinks about hacking someone's computer and lifts off the ground* hey! I can fly!

John: *smirks* this should be a piece of cake *starts thinking about women and cigarettes and doesn't even move from the ground* … hey… why aren't I flying

Narrator: Because you perverted sex fiend, women and cigarettes are NOT happy thoughts… one's lustful and the other one's down right disgusting.

John: … No one asked you Tot lover

Narrator: … *uses his powers to throw him up in the air*

John: Look I'm flying! *Hits the wall with a thud* oof… maybe not…

Narrator: *smirks* after a few tries that never really succeeded, the two older Darling children were able to fly and fly they did, to Never Neverland.

*Offstage*

CherubKatan: I'm so tempted to call for an intermission…

Brad: Why? You'd only delay the inevitable.

Cherubkatan: … Yeah so? It will at least give me time to run to the store for a big ass bottle of Tylenol… maybe rummage through my mother's medicine case and steal a few of her Tylenol three with codeine. Anything to make the pain that I'm getting in my head to go away!

Brad: You should be used to it by now, you're the one that brought us out, now you have to live with your decisions.

Cherubkatan: >_<

*Back on the stage*

Narrator: After a few hours of flying and some mishaps, namely the whore John running into a flock of seagulls, the four humans and one over obnoxious fairy landed on a small island that the psycho in the tights like to call Never Neverland.

Peter Pan: … You know I never wanted to wear the tights in the first place…

Narrator: …Whatever you say psycho boy.

Wendy: Can't we just get on with this? I want some hot Ran *coughs* I mean Peter Pan lovin!

John: … and they call me a slut…

Michael: … Yohji you are one.

John: … That hurts chibi

Michael: Didn't I tell you not to call me that.

John: *shrugs*

Narrator: To get on with the point, as they were about to land on the tiny little island, Peter Pan spotted something off in the distance.

Peter Pan: … Hold up everyone, I think I see Takatori over there! Tink, do me a favor and take them to the lost boys!

Tinker Bell: Yes master! *Salutes Peter jauntily*

Wendy: *mutters* Suck up…

Peter Pan: *flies off*

Tinker Bell: *smiles wickedly at Wendy* I've at least gotten some from Peter.

Wendy: …

John: *laughs*

Michael: *blushes* Schuldich!

Tinker Bell: Nani? Oh fine… come on you guys *goes off quickly to where the lost boys live*

Wendy: Hey! Wait for us! *Follows after him*

Narrator: So the three fly off in pursuit of the fairy, but little did they know that the fairy had something evil planned up his sleeve.

Tinker Bell: *lands* Oi! Lost fags, ten hut!

*Behind the scenes*

CherubKatan: Ok! That's it! We're going on an intermission!

Brad: … I haven't even made my appearance yet!

CherubKatan: Too bad, Brad, you'll just have to wait until part two!

Brad: *grumbles*

Farfie: Making people wait hurts god!

*Intermission*

Author's notes: … Nobody say a word… just don't… I know this is stupid… I know this is corny… but damn it the idea isn't leaving me… but I am getting tired so I'm breaking it off here.

Schu: … *still wearing the fairy costume* Awwww, but I was actually enjoying myself…

Too bad, I'll see everyone in part two of The Adventures of Peter Pan (Weiss Style). Please no flames, just review it. See ya!