Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ The Adventures of Peter Pan (Weiss Style) ❯ Part Four ( Chapter 4 )

I wish I could say that I own Weiß then I could say that I was Takehito, Koyasu and that I was a sexy Japanese voice actor and j-pop star… but unfortunately I'm not….

Schu: Thank Kami-sama for small miracles!

… *Smacks him upside the head with a mallet* …

Schu: *ducks* Haha! You didn't hit me this time! *Mallet comes back around and hits him* x_x

… Anyway as I was saying before, I don't own Weiß, nor do I own the story that I'm going to be royally fucking up. I don't know who it belongs too… but I do know Disney did it's own version of it… anyway enjoy!

The Adventures of Peter Pan (Weiß Style)

Part Four

Cast of Characters

Peter Pan- Fujimiya Ran

Wendy Darling- Hidaka Ken

John Darling- Kudoh Yohji

Michael Darling- Tsukiyono, Omi

Tinker Bell- Schuldich

Captain Hook- Bradley Crawford

Smee- Farfarello

Tiger Lily- Sakura

Narrator- Nagi

Crocodile- Mechanical Device created by Nagi

Lost boys- Schrient

Extras- Random Character from Weiß

Director- me! Cherubkatan!

Schu: -smiles broadly- Its time for yet another installment of the seriously insane, seriously perverted, production of Cherubkatan's ripped classic, of whom she still doesn't know who it belongs too, The Adventures of Peter Pan!

Everyone: -stares at him in awe-

Ken: whoa he can actually put more then five words together?!

Yohji: That is quite an accomplishment there Schu.

Schu: -glares- I do have a brain you know.

Ken: Could of fooled me Scarecrow©

Schu: What the f*** did you just call me.

Ken: I called you the scarecrow! You know the one from The Wizard of Oz©

Schu: -gives him a dull, glassy eyed look-

Ken: … Duh! -Says in a singsong voice- If I only had a brain!

Schu: …

Yohji: He got you there, Schu.

Schu: Be quiet whore.

Yohji: … Don't you dare start with me either fairy boy.

Cherubkatan: Let's just get on with this production…

~~

Narrator: All right, now where were we? -Looks over his notes- Ah yes they were all about to set out to save the helpless, and might I say hopeless, Tiger Lilly from the clutches of the evil Captain Hook.

Wendy: Can't we just change the story line and say that he killed her?

Narrator: Unfortunately we can't. Besides, if we could I would say Tot would be dead as well.

John: -smirks- Are you regretting now that you saved her life.

Narrator: … I've regretted it since the day I met her.

Wendy: -blinks and scratches his head- I don't get it

Peter: Why are we being sidetracked here? I want to rescue her and get this part over with. I haven't had a good fight lately and I'm looking forward to kicking Crawford's ass to the curb.

Wendy: … Hey! How come he can say -bleep- and we can't?!

Peter: -smirks- It's simple. I'm her favorite character.

John: Now that isn't fair.

Peter: Yes it is.

Wendy: …

Narrator: Anyway, quickly they went to the Jolly Roger©, where Captain hook and his merry men…

Wendy: … isn't that the wrong story?

Narrator: Siberian, who is telling this story, you or me?

Wendy: … You are…

Narrator: I'm glad you realize that, now shut up or I'm going to shut you up.

John: -whispers to Michael- Whoa, Nagi is forming a backbone.

Michael: -nods- I think it's because he hangs out with Schuldich-san.

Wendy: or it's just pms…

Narrator: -clears his throat- they quickly went to the Jolly Roger©, the home and prized ship of the notorious pirates and their Captain, whom they called Hook. Now we turn to them for a while… thank God…

-Inside the Jolly Roger-

Hook: -lounging in a chair looking really sexy like in a pirate captain's outfit and a gleaming silver hook protruding from one sleeve- How boring this is… -sighs to himself- at least I'm not in it from the beginning. -Looks around- Smee! Where are you Smee! You mangy dog get yourself in here at once or you'll be feeding the fishes at the bottom of the deep!

-Back stage-

Cherubkatan: He sure gets into acting…

Schuldich: -sitting there preening his wings- He's a Virginia baked ham.

Cherubkatan: … oh great all of you are back here now?

Schu: -smirks- only for a while. Only for a while.

Cherubkatan: that's too long…

-On stage-

Smee: -comes in wearing his same outfit he normally does- Davy Jones locker hurts God. So does the singer.

Hook: Ahh, there you are Smee, I'll let you live for now. Tell me, how is the wench doing?

Smee: -grins evilly- She's writhing in terror and pain! -Evil cackle- and she continues to cry for Peter Pan.

Hook: Good, good, carry on. Just don't hurt her too much she's bait for the redhead and I don't need you getting too enthusiastic about it.

Narrator: While they were making plans on how to defeat Peter Pan, the said psycho and his cohorts made it to the ship and were eager to do battle.

Peter: -lands on the ship and looks around- Well I don't see her let's get out of here.

Wendy: Hold it Peter. Now that's just cruel of you… Yeah she's evil, annoying, twisted, perverted, and evil…

Michael: Wendy-kun you've already said evil once.

Tinker Bell: It's worth mentioning twice, kid.

Wendy: -smirks-

Tinker Bell: Then again Wendy himself is evil since he's a cross dressing transvestite with lack of fashion sense.

Wendy: -growls-

Peter: Save it for AFTER this stupid story please. Anyway…

John: -speaks up- Yo, Pete.

Peter: Don't call me that Speedo boy and what did you want?

John: Shouldn't, you know… do that cock-a-doodle do thing that is supposed to be done to get Hook's attention?

Narrator: You mean any cock'll do?

Peter: -growls- I'm not crowing and Nagi stop that.

Narrator: -gets an innocent look on his face- Stop what Peter?

Hook: -steps out of the cabin- with the way all of you argue there's no need to crow, or gain my attention. I could probably hear you all the way in China. You're that loud.

Wendy: -mouth starts watering- mm Chinese food… I'm hungry!

Peter: Order it at the next intermission!

Wendy: if there is one…

John: you know there is tons of peeled tomatoes back there if you get too hungry.

Wendy: -makes a face- Ew no way.

Tinker Bell: -snickers- I think he's really a woman trapped in a man's body.

Wendy: How about I make you a eunuch trapped in a fairy costume?

Tinker Bell: -covers himself down there- Don't you dare touch the family jewels.

John: … -blinks- Family jewels?

Tinker Bell: Be quiet you!

Hook: Can't we just get on with this? -Indicates over to Tiger Lilly tied to a post with a big mechanical crocodile standing a few feet or more away from her- Save her if you dare Pan.

Peter: … Can't we just let the thing eat her?

Tiger Lilly: PETER, HELP!

Wendy: No Peter don't she's the spawn of Satan!

Tinker Bell: YEAH… wait… I'm the devil incarnate though!

Wendy: -smirks- we always knew you were a whore.

Peter: If those two over there would stop arguing I would be able to get this over with -jumps into the air and starts flying-

Narrator: You know I've always wondered how Peter Pan flew…

Tinker Bell: -smirks- it's the magical fairy white stuff.

John: That's gross.

Tinker Bell: I've never heard him complain once -purrs-

-Back stage-

Cherubkatan: I wonder if I should just give up now…

Ouka: Gooooo Omi-kun!

Cherubkatan: How the hell did YOU get here?!

Ouka: By bus?

Cherubkatan: -pulls out a gun and shoots her- Die incest lover!

Ouka: Omi…kun… -dies-

-Back on stage-

Michael: Did I just hear Ouka?

John: You're hearing things kid.

Michael: -looks back stage and sees a dead Ouka- … No! Ouka… Ouka… OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK KKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

John: -shakes his ear- … episode flash back…

Peter: -sighs-

Tinker Bell: -has ear plugs in his ears- Huh? What did you say Yohji?

John: -raises his voice- I said episode flash back…

Tinker Bell: What?

John: … never mind

Narrator: If Michael's finished screaming now we can get on with the performance.

Michael: -blushes- I'm finished

Narrator: Good. As I was going to say, Hook issued his challenge to Peter Pan. Save the evil wench or let her perish in the belly of the mechanical crocodile, which was made by me. -Beams with pride at his masterpiece- Peter told the one handed captain what he was planning to do.

Peter: -Standing next to hook pulling out a wallet- Look I'll give you a thousand dollars just to cut the rope of the crocodile….

Hook: Make it two thousand and you've got yourself a deal… she's getting on my nerves as well.

Tiger Lilly: -Screaming at the top of her lungs for Peter Pan's attention-

Narrator: -Clears his throat- Uhm that's not what I meant you two… but -shrugs- suit yourself.

-Back stage-

Cherubkatan: … that's it… INTERMISSION!

Ouka: x_x

_________________________________________________________ _____________________

Author's notes: Ok! Shorter than usual I think but Oh well easy come easy go.

Ran: -Wearing priest's robes- I'm now a father…

Ken: Rawr, bless me father for I have sinned…

Schu: and sinned again…

-Both of them drooling-

… Ignore the freaks over there people… they're very … horny…

Yohji: … -Shakes his head-

Brad: … you know Ran does kind of look sexy in that priest get up.

Not you too… Bah, watch they're all going to go have an orgy now… so I'm going to go I hope you enjoy this installment of the psycho version of Peter Pan. Until next time Ja!

Omi: OH YEAH! Review this if you enjoy it!