Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ The Rain Doesn't Grieve ❯ 13 ( Chapter 13 )

13

 

It's hard to notice gleaming from the sky when you're staring at the cracks.

 

Ran ~ Tied

 

I didn't want to admit it, but living alone was starting to get on my nerves.

 

Worse, the solo missions only served to remind me of all I had lost.

 

This night I had no assignment, and I had no reason to stay home. My boots echoed softly against the sidewalk as I sought - what? Solitude? I had plenty of that. Time to think? Far too much of that.

 

Something directed my steps toward the crowds of the greater city. Couples and groups flocked about, heading to or from the clubs as evening turned to night. Streetlights preempted the stars; I turned my gaze back toward the sidewalk.

 

I hadn't really dressed to go clubbing, not that I really felt like it anyway. I'd dressed to walk, and walk I had, and now I felt I was at the end of my road.

 

Fresh, young, happy faces smiled and laughed and flowed around me like water. They weren't that much younger than myself, but damn, I felt so old.

 

I found my gaze rising to survey the crowds, and for a moment it felt like I was searching for someone. There was a momentary excitement in my chest, as though I really expected to see this person materialize out of the chaos. Then I looked more closely at myself, and asked the painful question: who, exactly, was I hoping to find?

 

It's impossible to be Weiß without noticing one's teammates. We had a communal shower, for pity's sake. It was a locker room atmosphere at the Koneko, with no unnecessary modesty. Yohji was a notorious nudist. I felt myself smile a little at the memory.

 

But that was a time of innocence, no matter the work we had to do. Somehow I think we all believed that one day our services would be obsolete and we would be allowed to retire to more quiet pursuits. Maybe have a real life, a family, a house in the country.

 

As far as I knew, the only one who had any of that was Momoe.

 

I scowled at myself. I'd managed to get off the subject before giving myself a suitable answer, and that would simply not do. Honesty, man. It's all you have left.

 

What's the point of torturing myself with impossible dreams?

 

I resisted the urge to look around one more time. It was late, and I was tired, weary beyond rational thought. This must be so; otherwise, why would I be out here in the middle of the night, waiting for a chance that would not come?

 

Maybe Manx would have another job for me tomorrow. Anything, to break the monotony. To distract me from the desolation that was my life.

 

I paused at an intersection that I knew could take me to Yohji's door. He probably wasn't home, and if he was, he wouldn't be alone. I frowned, suspicious of this train of thought. What difference did it make to me what Kudou did with his time? Besides, he knew my phone number: Manx told me she'd provide it to the others and I trusted her. Probably trusted her too much, but that was a different failing of mine.

 

No, if Yohji had wanted to see me he could have called any time. So could…

 

“Netenna-yo!” I growled at myself. This was getting me nowhere. I continued on my way home, to get some badly needed sleep. Enough of this masochistic crap. I had to get on with my life. Maybe a solid reality check was in order.

 

Once, we were a team. No longer.

 

If Ken had even survived his stay in hospital, he would be unlikely to give me a warm reception. Likewise Yohji. And Omi - Mamoru, I reminded myself, recalling the tag on his hospital door - Takatori Mamoru least of all.

 

I had to find a way to break my ties before it drove me crazy.

 

Manx ~ Chained

 

This was harder than I'd expected.

 

With a sigh I dropped the pen and rested my head in my hands a moment.

 

I'd been going over this in my mind for months. Why did I find it so damn difficult now?

 

Shuichi had saved my life, made certain I could not follow him when he confronted his brother. He had given me a chance, and in so doing entrusted me with Weiß. But every time I had to meet with them, I saw his ghost. To keep the organization solid, he'd arranged for his shadowy image to remain the backdrop for mission briefings, and we had a voice double doing the readings. It had taken all my nerve to stand there and watch, and listen.

 

It's hard being the watchdog of the world.

 

It's worse doing so alone.

 

“Damn it.” I crumpled yet another sheet of paper and dropped it in the garbage. Was that it? Was that the reason I couldn't manage to do something as simple as write out my resignation?

 

If I left, Omi would be alone. His team had scattered, out of necessity. The one he would most want by his side would surely refuse. The others…well, one was still battling his own grievous injuries, and the other was battling his own demons. Could I be so heartless as to abandon him?

 

Shuichi had always been so tender toward Omi, this little lost boy who had been stolen from his family and left with nothing, not even the honor of his father's name. At first I'd thought it was scheming, pure and simple, but then I began to doubt this. Shuichi treated Omi not as a mercenary puppet but as the son he'd never had. He'd taught Omi to trust again, and to care, though always from behind the scenes. There were so many secrets…

 

I scooped the pile of paper back into a fairly even stack and shoved it into a desk drawer, throwing the pen in on top of it.

 

Maybe in another month or two, after Hidaka gets out of hospital. Maybe then, I can finally say goodbye.

 

 

A/N:

 

It's hard to notice gleaming from the sky when you're staring at the cracks.

“The Leaving Song” - AFI Sing the Sorrow

 

Ran ~ Tied

Though he tries hard to ignore it, Ran does have a heart, and it sometimes gets the better of him. It breaks through the stony silence and reminds him that, once upon a time, he cared. It does not, however, clarify exactly for whom.

Netenna-yo! - Wake up!

 

Manx ~ Chained

They say that courage is doing what's right, regardless of our own pain or fear. If this is true, then Manx is one of the most courageous people in this story.