Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ The Room Where The Light Won't Find You ❯ The Light That Never Moves ( Chapter 1 )

The Room Where The Light Won't Find You

Lightening crashed outside of the flower shop, illuminating the flowers spread across the worktable. A single red rose lay across a bed of pale purple flowers. The orchid had already begun to wilt in the humidity.

Youji trailed past them, letting his gloved fingers slip through the orchid's blossoms... Biting his lip, he began the slow trek up the stairs to his room. He didn't want anyone to see him. Especially Aya. Aya asked too many questions. And he stared.

He leaned heavily on his doorway for a few minutes. His head ached. And his side... He felt it, gingerly. His gloves came away black and slick. Fucking great.

He opened the door, sending shadows swirling across the room.

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*What's the matter, Mary Jane, you had a hard day

As you place the Don't Disturb sign on the door...*

More lightening crashes. I don't like lightening...

I can recall nights spent as a child, sitting huddled under a blanket, watching the shadows cast by tree branches as they waged war across my walls. White walls... Clinical and impersonal... There had been no one to comfort me... No one to tell me that lightening was only the crash of particles, and thunder it's delayed voice...

When I was a child, my world was full of monsters. Now I am the monster, in a twisted fairy tale written by wealthy men with pale morals...

Thunder claps overhead and I barely suppress the urge to jump.

There will be another mission tomorrow night... I will go out, and I will do "my thing", as they say. I will make the headlines again, and I will enjoy it.

I do enjoy it. I like the scents of blood and gunpowder, the thrill of the chase, the taste of adrenaline, and the rush of the kill... But I don't like me.

…He told me I was too needy. Me. Me! Too needy! ...What is that?! I've never needed anyone! ...I just... It's like lightening... Sometimes, I suddenly realize I'm all alone, and that startles me. Then, the loneliness follows after, abraiding my mind like thunder. And then... I just don't want to be alone right then.

Does that make me needy? Does that make me weak?

He's standing outside the door, in the hallway. He won't come in. He never comes in. He just sits there and waits. He'll lean on the wall with his arms crossed, and he'll stare at the light that comes from under the door, and he'll wonder what I'm doing in here, and why the light never moves.

If he opened the door…

Stupid hypothesis. He'll never open the door. It isn't in his nature to open the door…

…But if he opened the door… He'd find me sitting up in my bed, with my knees drawn up to my chin, watching the tree branches scattering shadows across the wall.

This time, when the thunder booms, I do jump.

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*You lost your place in line out of pity

You never seem to want to dance anymore...*

'Where do you go at night?'...

The thought lingers in the air, unspoken, and unanswered.

I could ask it out loud. I never have, and we both know I never will. I'll stay outside his room and wait for him to open the door.

And we both know he never will.

The light under the door never moves.

What is he doing in there?

We fought before tonight's mission. …I don't like fighting amongst my teammates. And I hate to fight with him, of all people. …He always knows that I am sorry. Somehow that always makes it worse.

I told him he was too needy. He's always needy. He dances around me constantly, trying to catch my eye. I'm never sure exactly what or how much he wants from me... He constantly seeks physical contact with strangers, and, despite his sidelong glances and suggestive body language, he has never propositioned me.

...But he doesn't go out at night anymore.

He just sits there, in his room, doing Christ knows what, never making the light under the door move.

On the rare occasion that he leaves now, of his own volition, it is to see him. Oh, there is nothing between them. I know that for certain. No.

He just likes to watch him.

Suddenly, I realise I miss the way it used to be between us.

There was a time, not so long ago, that he used to follow me like that.

Just to watch me.

And I wonder where he goes at night, now, when he needs that comfort.

Not physically, but in his heart.

Thunder rattles the night.

Only then does the light under the door change.

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*It's a long way down

On this roller coaster

The last-chance streetcar

Went off the track

And you're on it...*

He moaned in his sleep, rolling onto his side.

More noises escaped him, as his own hand crept down to the junction between his legs. In his dream, he was being skillfully manipulated, and claimed.

He whimpered into his pillow, touching himself urgently, as he imagined long, graceful fingers invading him in his most private of places.

His dream lover was strong and certain, so very unlike the man who wished to writhe beneath him. …It would be so perfect, the two of them together, he knew… They were two of a kind, not black and white, but two shades of grey that melded so well together in the shadows of his certainty. …And his sanity.

His cry was muffled as heat spilled from between his legs, staining the sheets. Outside, thunder snarled, and he collapsed to the side of the mess, feeling like a fool.

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That's all for now… One day, I'll get off my ass and write the next two parts… Grr…

A little motivation is always welcome, though… ;) (read: Is A Feedback WHORE).

Song is "Mary Jane" by Alanis Morisette.