Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Thoughts in a Mind ❯ Book on a Shelf ( Chapter 2 )

Title: Book on a Shelf

Author: Animeisgreat (ff.net), Crazy Miko

Chapter: 2/2

Warnings: Mentioned Yaoi

Pairings: Mentioned YoujixAya

Summary:

Disclaimer: I do not own Weiss Kreuz; it is the property of Koyasu Takehito and affiliated persons.

Notes: Poor Ken always gets the short end of the stick. I will have to give him a bigger part in my next fic. Special thanks to Nyx for the beta read!

Book on a Shelf

I never really realized how empty the rooms above the Koneko are until today. Even with Aya-chan living in Ken's old room, there's a certain stillness and emptiness hanging over the top floor. There's hardly anything left of the guys here. Ken took everything with him but the dents on the wall when he moved in with his new team. Aya and Youji left some of there stuff though. Youji's closet is still full of clothes and knickknacks that Aya wouldn't let him take to their old apartment because of space issues. Aya left a few things behind too, only Youji and he know why; I've never been able to figure it out. All of Aya's things are on the mostly empty bookshelf down in the mission room. I think at least four fifths of the books on that shelf were Aya's. When he left the shelf was almost empty. It's slowing filling up again though, with my books and Aya-chan's romance novels. It's a big change from the poetry and classics that once used to sit in the shelf.

No one ever touches Aya's things though; they have their own section on the shelf. I don't touch them because it was in my best interest not to while Aya was still at the Koneko. You know what they say, old habits die hard. They don't particularly interest Aya-chan, she doesn't share he brother's passion for the language and the written word. I can't really blame her, I considered myself fluent until I tried to read one of his poetry books. I can safely say that before that, I had never used an English dictionary that much in my entire life. That book is an amazing, it's not exactly a book, and it is more of a journal that became a book. I don't know when, but sometime while he was here Aya copied all of his favorite poems into it. He even translated a few of the poems, probably for Aya-chan. From what I can understand from his notes in the margin, he copied some of the poems to read to her once she woke up. It's too bad he never got the chance; Aya-chan would have really appreciated it.

It's really a sad book though; most of the poems are chilling and somewhat morbid. Aya is an avid reader of the works of Emily Dickinson and Edgar Allen Poe, two American poets I am not very familiar with. A lot of the poems in the book are theirs; I've come to appreciate them over the past year. I didn't like his choice of reading material while he was in Weiss, but our tastes have grown more similar as I've matured. I'm tempted to move his journal/book to the shelf in my room, but that would be admitting that he was really gone. Besides, he might take it back on one of his visits.

Not that he ever comes by for a social visit, and not by himself. He and Youji sometimes drop by to pick of gear, information, or both. Youji sometimes visits when Aya's on a solo mission. I feel guilty, but sometimes I look forward to Youji's visits even though they mean that Aya's somewhere in danger with no real backup. Youji was just here the other week actually, he took back some of the stuff in his closet and one of Aya's books. Not the journal though. When I asked him about it he just shrugged and said that Aya didn't tell him to get it. I wish I knew what Aya was thinking; he has a reason for everything. It's disconcerting to have an agent that you can't read; it's dangerous. Even though I am sure that Aya wouldn't betray me or Kritiker without a good reason. Still, he makes me and the rest of the heads nervous.

I asked Aya about the journal too; he gave his famous (or infamous) unreadable look before asking if I had any tea left. I hope for his sake that Kritiker will remain content to wait for him to reveal his own unfathomable reasons for doing things. I hope they never decide that he is no longer worth the risk and effort they pour into him, and by extension Youji. It's lucky that Youji hardly ever gives Kritiker any real trouble; I don't think the organization would have let them stay together otherwise. Perhaps they believed that Youji would have a calming and balancing affect on Aya's unpredictable moods.

Maybe those two will take my hints and disappear after Aya-chan gets settled in the States. They know that I would allow them to slip through the cracks after the barest of investigations into their whereabouts. I don't think it would be too much of a hardship for either of them to leave Japan behind, as long as they are safe and together. Europe would suit them. Aya would enjoy all the history and art and Youji would have his exciting nightlife if they moved to a bigger city. I thinking either Germany or England, I have enough connections in both places to make sure they "settle in" okay and effectively fly under Kritiker's radar without having to hide, or be on the run.

I wish I could send them all away so I wouldn't have to shoulder the responsibility of their safety. If they were gone I wouldn't feel guilty every time I send them to kill a target. If they were gone, it wouldn't be me who gives them sins to add on their long lists. It's a mostly selfish wish; it would be different if I didn't have ulterior motives like I do. For Kritiker, it would be best for them to stay in Japan, but for my own peace of mind and maybe theirs, it would be best if they just disappeared. Ken would never leave Japan though; he is too settled into this life and his new team. I don't think he could handle losing another set of friends. I think he will do fine here. Kritiker might let him retire to a surveillance position in a few years. That way, barring freak accidents he will be out of any danger. It is Aya and Youji that I worry about. While I once thought that I could claim Aya as an advisor after he passed his prime I do not think that it would be that easy anymore. The other leaders want to work him and Youji until they either die or are injured to the point of uselessness. I will admit that in their position I would demand the same. Those two are threats to their power and influence, together Youji and Aya are smart enough to advance quickly and high enough to cause an upset in the power balance.

I wouldn't necessarily see this as a bad thing myself; they would bring a new perspective into the upper ranks. Neither of them would enjoy the task. I could not ask that of them when all they deserve is a little happiness in their lives for all they've had to suffer. It would be best if I sent them away as soon as possible so I am not tempted to try and convince them to immerse themselves even deeper in the conflicted and volatile workings of Kritiker. There is an upcoming assignment in England that will require a highly-skilled pair, so if I pull a few strings I could give it to them. Hopefully they will accept it, and at the same time enjoy England and what it has to offer them as far as a permanent residence goes.

Sometimes I wish I was the one being sent away, and they were the ones who had to stay behind. I would trade places with them and not regret it for a moment. Then I would make my escape and live somewhere where I could spend the rest of my life pretending to be normal and maybe even settle down with someone. It'll never happen; my fate was sealed the day I was kidnapped. I can dream though, and sometimes my dreams are the only thing I have left of my days as "Omi the chibi." If my memories were concrete things, I would keep them in the strongest safe I could find and take the out often and cherish them. It would be nice if they were, memories are beautiful but you can't hold them in your hands like a picture or book.

I suppose you can attach memories to objects, and then it's like holding a memory in your hands. My memories of the guys are in every room in the third floor and every flower in the shop. It sounds like something out of one of Aya-chan's romance novels but it's true. I hold Aya especially close; he left me a book that has an image of every facet of his personality immortalized in ink all through it. I don't know why I think of Aya so much. By all logic it should be Ken I formed the closest ties with, but there's just something about Aya that intrigued me and made me want to understand him. I don't love him; I don't even have the slightest hint of romantic feelings towards him. He's both my mentor and my student; we traded places with ease all the time. I genuinely miss him; he complemented me as a coworker and a friend.

It is interesting that Youji and Ken got along with each other the best when we were still a three person team. I always felt like I didn't need to be there. It didn't make sense at the time and it doesn't make sense now. Youji and Ken are just so different. If it wasn't for their looks, I would have mistaken them from brothers the way they teased each other. They drifted apart some after Aya came, they were still friends but their ongoing war on the subject of Aya caused a rift. Ken warmed up to him after a while, but I don't think they were ever really friends. Ken is too physical for Aya, and Aya's too reserved for Ken. I still think it's a miracle that Youji and Aya ever got together; I thought they'd be at each other's throats the most. I lost a lot of money to Ken for that assumption.

Excessive nostalgia doesn't suit a leader, remembering a happier time has its place but I need to focus more. Thinking about old bets isn't going to help my friends get out of Kritiker. Ken is the main problem; I'm worried about his team. They're called Legend. At first I thought it sounded like a name for a golf course, but I'm starting to understand the reasoning. The team is made up of members from other successful but currently disbanded groups; I suppose it could be a collection of living "legends." The codenames are more interesting, each member has the name of some sort of deity. Ken's codename is Lucifer; the others are Hades, Seth, and Chernobog. I wonder who is responsible for naming the teams; I'm impressed that they were familiar with Slavic mythology. The names are enough to tell that the team is involved in the darker aspects of Kritiker. I hope Ken is okay, he almost fell apart towards the end of our days as Weiss.

Aya and Youji are still Weiss, whoever decides the ranking didn't change their position. I suppose from now on Weiss will be a two person team. It seems more effective now that we no longer have the goal of removing Reiji Taketori from power. Most of the targets Weiss was originally intended to take out require two people and only two people. All the other targets Legend takes care of. The two teams work off each other, I didn't really think about that earlier. Legend will suffer if Youji and Aya leave, but I'm sure that there is a qualified pair somewhere in the list of field agents take will be able to fill in without too much trouble. Weiss seems to a team that the ambitious are currently shooting for. It probably has the most "perks" for a duo; top ranking codenames, high pay and choice missions. Being in Weiss or Legend means occupying the precarious position of being skilled enough for the real money making missions, but too valuable to be sent on suicide missions. There's also the popular notion that Weiss is pet team of Kritiker's leader, which was true under the last Persia but not anymore. I won't deny that they are in a rather unique bargaining position. Kritiker is smart enough to know how to pick their battles with Youji and Aya.

It only takes a few calls to get Aya and Youji the mission to England. They'll have plenty of time to prepare; the estimated start date is still two months away. The upper ranks are getting stupid with their greed, there's not enough Kritiker presence in Europe to try and establish ourselves in England. A weaker country like Bosnia maybe, but not an international power like England. Too many other groups already have a tight hold in England's underground, Kritiker doesn't have a chance unless they gain more control in Europe. I've tried to warn them, but I don't think they'll ever take me seriously because of my age. Kritiker needs a change in leadership, but I can't just dismiss all of them. They're too powerful, they have their ranks for that reason. It's going to be a long game of always being one step ahead of them and pulling the wool over their eyes.

I really miss Manx and Birman; things would be so much easier if they were still here. I can't trust Bengal like I could trust them. Being alone will be better in the end. Nothing fuels the drive to learn like knowing you'll be dead if you don't. Perhaps there is a way to make this work if I could manage to get the heads to turn against each other and kill themselves off. It'd cost me a few teams, but Legend and Weiss should be out of their reach. Both of those teams are still under my direct command. I won't release Weiss into the hands of Bengal and his associates until Youji and Aya leave. Forget being objective, I can't let them hurt my friends; it's the least I can do for them.

What a messy business, cleaning up afterwards will be hard. If all goes as I hope, then there's going to be a giant power vacuum; one more thing to plan for. I'll have to get the substitutes in place before I act. The trick will be finding the substitutes. The organization's too corrupt to follow Kritiker's true goals. I can try, but I think I'm going to have to compromise some in order to maintain enough support to remain powerful and popular. Being unpopular with the upper ranks is deadly, and one more reason to get rid of them as soon as possible. I might need to call in a favor or two from Weiss and Legend, they're the only ones qualified for the job. I'll have to act fast; I only have two months left of Weiss's support.

It's not fair to them to have them do my dirty work when they should concentrate on getting free. Legend should be enough, Hades and Seth used to be together as a two man team; they can handle it. The reports say Ken works well with Chernobog, which takes care of everything. I should be guilty about sending Ken out while protecting Youji and Aya, but I don't. It's sad, but I think the missions are what keeps Ken going some days, so maybe Chernobog will calm him down. I'm not sure if he's had a relationship since Yuriko, he needs someone. Everyone needs to have someone, except me, I don't need anyone. Having a relationship only causes trouble when you're the head, too many risks. It makes it too easy for you to be manipulated.

Well, I do need someone, but Aya's book is enough for now. The last page he left for me, there are two poems on it and a note from him.

The Wayfarer

The wayfarer,

Perceiving the pathway to truth,

Was struck with astonishment.

It was thickly grown with weeds.

"Ha," he said,

"I see none have passed here

In a long time."

Later he saw that each weed

Was a singular knife.

"Well," he mumbled at last,

"Doubtless there are other roads."

A Man Said to the Universe

A man said to the universe:

"Sir, I exist!"

"However," replied the universe,

"The fact has not created in me

A sense of obligation."

Below them he has the author's name written, Stephen Crane, and the note. It's a confusing note, but I still cling to it. It's typical Aya, short but with many meanings.

Omi, avoid the weeds but be careful not to stray from the path. No one is here to take care of you.

I know what he meant, but I still wonder sometimes. How do you avoid the knives and stay on the path?