Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ Why Ken Shouldn't Drink Chu-Hi ❯ The Next Morning ( Chapter 1 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

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This chapter is dedicated to my friend Arvanah Modray, and the letter 'W'

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It was 10:00, and Ken was late for his shift in the shop. Aya was not about to handle the hoards of screaming fan girls alone, and stomped up to Ken's apartment to wake him up.

"Hey, Ken, are you up?" asked Aya, as he knocked on the door.

Silence.

"Ken! Did you hear me? Are you there?"

If there were crickets to hear chirping, Aya would have heard them.

This was weird. Was Ken sick? It wasn't like him to leave before a shift and not say anything....

"Uh, Ken, I'm coming in."

Peeking around the door, Aya was encountered with the last sight he expected to see. Ken was laying on the floor, with his feet on the bed, his head resting in a puddle of syrupy looking liquid. There were more empty cans adorning the floor than he wanted to count...and it looked like he'd been...playing with action figures?

Aya promptly removed himself from Ken's room and stomped down to Yohji's apartment.

"WAKE UP!"

"Zzzz... Huh? What?"

"Yohji, get up. NOW."

"What the...it's not my shift today! What are you doing waking me up at this inhumane hour?!" whined Yohji.

"This is your department, not mine," growled Aya, and dragged Yohji up the stairs, shoving him into Ken's room.

"YOU deal with this."

"Oh...my...god."

"Ken...is...drunk?!"

Yoh ji paused and smirked at the situation. He pretended to wipe a tear from his eye.

"Awww...my little Kenken is all grown up."

"This isn't funny," grumbled Aya.

"Actually, I think this is very funny," retorted Yohji. "You just don't have a sense of humor."

"Shut up," said Aya.

The commotion of Yohji and Aya's bickering stirred Ken into semi- consciousness. He opened one eye and surveyed his two comrades standing in his doorway.

"G'd morn'n..."

"MORNIN'!" beamed Yohji, fake cheerfulness plastered across his face.

Ken tried to sit up, rubbing his head as Yohji walked partway into the room.

Yohji stopped, as his eyes fell upon a pair of Ken's action figures which had been left in a rather…questionable pose.

"Uh Ken....I don't think that an Eva and a Gundam would feel that way about each other...."

Ken looked at Yohji and then down at his action figures; a look of fierce concentration across his face. He sat in thought for a moment before answering.

"No. You're wrong. I figured something out last night."

"And what was that?" asked Yohji, humoring him.

[Author's interjection: The following analogies are the result of Ken being drunk off his ass. They are meant to be completely and utterly retarded. I see no legitimacy in them, so don't go trying to read depth into this, 'kay?]

"The Eva and the Gundam need each other." Ken stated matter-of-factly.

"They...they looked so sad by themselves..." Ken said, mournfully eyeing his toys, "and then I thought about how much it must suck to be the Eva...."

"I mean, it's got two different parts to it, always in conflict...." he continued, "one part is controlled by its pilot, but the other is locked away, separately," he picks up the little blue mecha, "and it's made to do stuff regardless of what it might want."

"It feels pain Yohji!" Ken wailed, shaking the Eva in righteous angst, "not like the Gundam."

Wow, thought Yohji, Ken is most definitely still drunk.

"But the Gundam isn't happy either!" he added, "it's empty! It's nothing without it's pilot!"

The Gundam soon joined the Eva in Ken's fist.

"I mean, it sucks to be the Eva, but maybe the Gundam would still want to be more like that."

"It's stable, but it's empty...." lamented Ken. His eyes were actually starting to tear up now.

He's not just still drunk! He's WASTED.

"You know...did you ever notice that life's kinda like a TV show?"

"You mean like one of those tacky seventies sitcoms?" asked Yohji.

"No, more like an Anime series...." Ken clarified, "uh, as long as I was already on the subject, take Eva, for example."

Yohji sighed.

"Look at Aya, he's the cold, stoic one, sorta like Rei."

"And you, you're like that cool guy that everyone always likes........ Damn, I never remember his name...."

"And then there's Omi...."

"Uh....Omi...."

"Yeah, Omi's Definitely PenPen."

Mental note: Start restricting Ken's TV access

"Oh yeah! Persia fits too! He's like Gendo!"

Ken stops to think about this for a minute.

"Well, actually, he's not at all like Gendo...but they both have beards!" Ken nods to himself as if this were a truly profound discovery.

"And then there's me...." Complete seriousness resumes on Ken's face.

".... I don't fit...."

"Everyone has a counterpart but me." Ken's eyes were starting to tear up again.

"And that's...."

"That's...."

"That's why, I am a GUNDAM!"

"Ummmm...okaaaay...." Yohji starts massaging his head. Hell, now he felt drunk. He turns to Aya, "There's no cure for this state of incapacitation. He's going to need to sleep it off. I guess I'll take over his shift, okay?"

"Whatever."

Yohji started to make his way towards the lump-on-the-floor-that-was-Ken. He suddenly felt something sharp digging into the bottom of his foot. "OOOWWWWW!" yelped Yohji, "what the fuck is that doing there?!"

He briefly hopped on one foot and once his balance was regained, swiftly kicked the foreign object away from him.

It flew against the wall and promptly broke into several pieces.

Ken scrambled to the wall and, grief-stricken, gathered the remains of his "domestic pet miniature figurine series cat."

He stared at the disassembled 'Abyssinian,' his grief slowly turning into rage.

"YOHJI!" Ken screamed, "how...could...you...."

"How could I what?" Yohji asked, baffled.

"YOU KILLED AYA!"

Yohji merely stood there, completely dumbfounded. "I what?"

"YOU KILLED HIM!!"

Ken was starting to choke up. He stumbled to his feet, and took a blind swing at Yohji's face. Yohji of course was able dodge Ken's fist easily, which in turn resulted in Ken losing his balance and falling back to the floor. He sat there, sobbing loudly, with a very eerie blank expression on his face.

Yohji picked Ken up and dumped him unceremoniously on his bed. "It's bedtime for Ken."

Ken continued to stare blankly.

"Hey, Yohji?" he suddenly questioned.

"Yeah Ken?"

"Did you ever wonder why Doraemon has no ears?"

Sigh.… "No Ken, I can't say I've lost much sleep over that."

"He's a robotic cat...if his maker spent all that time putting him together, why didn't he go ahead and give him ears too? It wasn't very considerate of him."

"No Ken, I suppose it wasn't."

"I wonder if Doraemon's embarrassed that he doesn't have them?"

"The world may never know." sighed Yohji.

"Speaking of cats...."

"I...uhh...." Ken was starting to loose coherency as sleep re-claimed him.

"G'night Yohji."

"Goodnight Ken."

Yohji backed out of the room and shut the door. He and Aya both turned to each other and exchanged worried glances.

"Well...that explains a lot..." Yohji muttered, more to himself than out loud.

"What do you mean, 'that explains a lot'?" asked Aya, suspiciously. "That made about as much sense...as...Manx wearing socks with those high-heeled dress sandals."

"You didn't get it?" Yohji asked, somewhat surprised.

Duh, of course he didn't get it. Aya is about as perceptive to other people's feelings as a hunk of granite.

"I think..." Yohji began, putting his arm around his redheaded companion, "that our little Kenken just confessed his feelings for you."

"He did nothing of the sort."

"Oh, but I think he did. Just now (in a backwards, metaphorical way) he just declared he's in love with you. Or do you deny the Gundam's dependency?" (At this part, Yohji had a very difficult time not falling over into fits of laughter. But that would have hardly boded well with Aya.)

"He didn't mean it." Aya snapped.

"Oh, but I think he did."

"Look Yohji, he's drunk. Remember that Christmas party last year? Ken had too much eggnog, so he asked for some coffee to sober him up? And Manx gave him Irish coffee? He spent the next two hours ranting about how the hors d'oeurves were talking to him."

"Yeah, I remember that." Yohji replied, seriousness regained, "Afterwards he completely broke down and started crying that if he'd been more attentive to Kase, he might have noticed something was wrong, and prevented everything that happened to him." Yohji pointed right at Aya, "Ken's pretty honest when he's drunk."

Not to mention that was Rei's Eva on the floor next to the Gundam, heh heh.

"It...meant...nothing" was Aya's icy reply, as he walked away without another word.

Omi suddenly appeared, yawning sleepily. "What's going on?"

"I'll tell you when you're older," Yohji replied, ruffling Omi's hair.

Omi glared at him, but too tired to argue, stumbled back to his room.