Weiss Kreuz Fan Fiction ❯ You're Joking, Right? ❯ Chapter 22

Aya lay in bed, staring vaguely out the window. That's what he'd done all day, drifting in and out of a narcotic haze and noticing, now and then, that morning had faded to midday, and midday to twilight. He drifted, and he dreamed.

 

Awake was bad, but asleep was probably worse. His dreams were cruel, harsh and unforgiving as - well. He hated Brad Crawford with all his soul. It felt like the only thing alive inside him, right now, cold blue flame of hatred. And every time Aya woke up, sweaty and shaking from whatever the nightmare was at the moment, it was all so clear to him, laid out like a fucking map. Crawford to Yoji. He'd just traded one for another.

 

It was dark outside now, but the window still let in enough light. Aya only needed to turn his head to find out what time it was, figure out how long it would be before Yoji finished his shift at the flower shop and came upstairs to see him. Instead, he pretended that Yoji wasn't coming, that Yoji would never come again. Because it would be true soon enough, and Aya should be ready. He could imagine lying here until the darkness covered him, and the morning after that, and the next night, until time buried him alive. That's what he could imagine doing, nothing else. But instead, when it happened, he would have to make himself go downstairs and eat dinner and take care of whatever he needed to take care of, knowing Yoji would never come for him again. A tear rolled down his cheek and he didn't bother to wipe it away.

 

The door opened, and closed again, Yoji's steps quiet and careful as he got used to the darkness of the room, not wanting to wake Aya. Then he was on the bed in an instant, drawing Aya into his arms and petting his hair.

 

"Are you OK? Do we need to get a doctor?" Yoji rested his hand on Aya's face, checking for fever.

 

"No. I'm just…" A fucking idiot. "It hurts," he added, eventually.

 

"Omi said he gave you your drugs at lunch, so you should still be all right." Yoji looked worried.

 

Omi had been there? Aya's brow furrowed.

 

"Tell me he didn't lie about it," Yoji said, face going blank in a way that generally boded ill.

 

"I don't see why he would. I probably just forgot. I've been out of it." Aya looked up at Yoji. "Must have gotten it mixed up with one of the nightmares."

 

Yoji laughed. The harsh edge was unmistakable. "You look like hell."

 

"You keep saying that. I'm going to get a complex or something."

 

Yoji's smile softened. "Well, if you're flirting, you must be feeling better after all." He grabbed the bottle of pills, sifted one out, and handed it to Aya. "Here - it's just a couple of hours early. I'm sure it'll be fine."

 

Aya dry-swallowed the pill and looked at Yoji, memorizing the subtleties of that expression. "No. I'm just - resigned."

 

Yoji snorted. "I know better than to ask. Do you want some food?"

 

Aya thought about it, getting lost for a while in the complexities involved.

 

"Never mind. I'll bring you some dinner."

 

"No." Aya said it before he had time to think. He didn't care about dinner. He didn't want to be alone. "Just - wait a few minutes."

 

Yoji looked startled, but pleased. "Yeah. Sure." He leaned over carefully and kissed Aya's throat, where his pulse pounded right under the skin.

 

That felt like surer ground. "Do you want to fuck me? You'll never get me more helpless."

 

Direct hit on that one. Yoji's hand clenched and his breath sped up. "That would have to be a terrible idea, Aya. There's no way you're up to -"

 

"That's what I mean." He held Yoji's gaze, knowing he looked stoned and vulnerable, knowing Yoji would find that hard to resist.

 

"Jesus," Yoji whispered. After a moment he added, "I don't want to hurt you."

 

Aya looked at him skeptically.

 

"Well, I don't want to kill you."

 

"Full of yourself, aren't you?" Aya said as dismissively as possible. He turned over slowly to lie on his stomach, making sure to pull the blanket off in the process, revealing a long line of pale skin interrupted only by the bandages that wrapped across his back. "Yoji, I'm lonely," he muttered into the sheets. It was more than that, unfortunately, and Yoji probably knew it.

 

Yoji started kissing his shoulders. "I know it, baby. You'll be up and around in a day or two, though."

 

He would, although Aya couldn't see how that was likely to make a lot of difference.

 

Shifting focus, Yoji sucked at the back of Aya's neck, then down his spine to just between his shoulder blades. "Are you all right on your stomach?"

 

It wasn't ideal, but his shoulder was braced against a pillow, and it wasn't too bad, just a quiet burn. He grunted.

 

"OK," Yoji murmured, returning to his increasingly fevered exploration of Aya's body, stroking down his ribs and lower back, caressing the soft skin of his ass and inner thighs.

 

Aya felt himself relaxing under Yoji's hands. His thoughts started to uncoil from their tight, cruel snarl. His muscles unclenched. "God, yes," he sighed. Yoji's hand slid under his hip, caressing his dick, cupping his balls. Not much happening there, but this was about something else, anyway.

 

"I was afraid I'd never get to do this again," Yoji said softly, dipping his finger inside, slick with lube Aya hadn't even noticed him getting. "I haven't been that scared since -" He broke off, maybe distracted, or maybe he didn't want to say. Whatever.

 

Yoji gasped quietly, stroking himself as he talked. "You were so fucking pale. You're always pale, wouldn't think it could make that much difference, but God damn, it did. So pale and still." Yoji slipped in another finger and went in deep enough to rub Aya's prostate as he spoke.

 

"That's good," Aya breathed. "That's…" He forgot what he was saying. "You…"

 

Yoji chuckled. "Guess you're ready, then." Yoji spread Aya's thighs and kneeled between his legs, lying down over him carefully, taking his weight on one arm as he pushed inside, groaning and whispering into the back of Aya's neck. Yoji went slow and easy, and for once, Aya didn't urge him on because it felt like they were in love and he wanted to feel like they were in love. When Yoji came, he moaned and rolled off Aya as soon as the last shudder went through him. "OK?" he asked, his voice thick and heavy.

 

"Yeah. Good. I'm - good."

 

"God, yes, you are," Yoji murmured, helping Aya turn over and cautiously pulling him into his arms. He kissed him. "Why were you crying?"

 

"Didn't know I was."

 

"When I came in."

 

"Oh. Doesn't matter."

 

"It fucking well does."

 

"Well, maybe it did, but I don't remember. If you really wanted an answer, you should have asked me before you fucked me."

 

"You distracted me."

 

"Not much of an excuse, Kudoh."

 

Yoji rolled his eyes. "Whatever. I love you."

 

Aya felt warm and relaxed. The drugs were kicking in, and he sank back against Yoji.

 

"Do you love me?" Yoji asked.

 

So much, Aya thought. So fucking much. He watched as the expression in Yoji's eyes shifted from hope to anger, but he wasn't sure why.

 

****

 

Yoji looked into Aya's eyes and tried to forgive him. He was pretty sure Aya did love him, or came as close as he could, but it wasn't enough, and it fucking ate away at him. He took a deep breath.

 

Aya was high - blown pupils, glassy stare. It plucked at something deep inside. Near his balls. Yoji sat back and settled Aya in his lap, getting off on being able to handle him like a doll. Aya let him do it, only winced when Yoji moved his shoulder, but didn't say anything or pull away.

 

"You need to tell me something, baby."

 

Aya's eyelids fluttered, then opened slowly. Yoji took that as assent.

 

"What do I mean to you? Fucking tell me the truth this time. I won't ask you again." Was that a promise or a threat? Yoji didn't even know.

 

Aya looked at him, unfocused and hazy. "What do you want to mean to me, Yoji?"

 

God, Yoji wanted to beat him bloody. Then fuck him raw. Again. He was gripping Aya's arms too tight, and Aya liked it, he could tell. "I want you to love me." The words came out harsh and bitter.

 

Aya met his gaze. "Is that all?"

 

Yoji's hand clenched. He was leaving bruises, which satisfied him a little. "Sometimes I want to kill you."

 

That got a spark of interest.

 

"Answer me, Aya."

 

"Ask me again?"

 

Yoji forced himself to stop reacting, the way he often did during a mission. "Do you love me? And if you say anything besides yes or no, I'm going to kick your ass. I'll find a way to do it you won't like."

 

Aya's eyes drifted shut, and his breathing got heavy. "What would you do?" His voice was deep and rough.

 

Son of a bitch. "Yes. Or. No."

 

Aya sighed. "Yes."

 

Yoji held his breath, finally let it out. He'd hoped for more but had been afraid he wouldn't get this much. A small flush of joy flushed through him, shadowed only somewhat by Aya's obvious reluctance. "Yes?"

 

Aya opened his eyes again and fixed Yoji with a nearly lucid stare. "Yes."

 

It blew Yoji away. So much going on in Aya's head, and he'd never know more than the smallest bit of it. But at least he had this. At least he had yes. "I love you so much it hurts."

 

"Always hurts," Aya muttered, his eyes closing again.

 

No way to argue with that. Yoji lay back against the pillows and let Aya drift off to sleep.

 

****

 

"Wake up, Aya. It's the candy man."

 

Aya was bleary but took instant offense at the cheerful tone. "What the hell, Ken?" he muttered, trying to rouse himself.

 

"I've got your drugs. Wake your ass up - I don't have all day."

 

Aya was trying. He sat up slowly and carefully and reached out his hand. "So hand them over and get the hell out."

 

Ken sat on the edge of the bed. "Wake up. I need to talk to you."

 

Well, that was new. "Yeah. I'm awake. What?"

 

Ken dropped the pills into Aya's hand and gave him a bottle of water. "How are you doing, Aya?"

 

"What the fuck, Ken? Are we having a heart to heart here? Are we friends now or something?"

 

"Maybe I just want to know, Aya. I realize you don't have a lot of experience with this kind of stuff, but when people work together, sometimes they wonder what's going on with the other person, and sometimes they have conversations about it. So - how are you doing, Aya? Wait - let me make it easier. Physically, are you feeling better? Are you healing OK?"

 

Aya nodded grudgingly.

 

"Good. I'm glad. How's your head, then?"

 

"I can do the job, Ken."

 

Ken nodded. "Good. That's important. Not what I was asking, though."

 

"What are you asking, Ken?"

 

"Aya, you've really been through some shit, and it's not like you were Steady Eddie in the first place. " He held up his hand. "So, what I'm asking you, Aya, is - how depressed are you?"

 

Aya just stared. Was this another nightmare? Had he died and gone to hell to play in Coach Ken's soccer league of eternal darkness? "Are you trying to motivate me? Fuck off, Ken."

 

Ken wagged his finger perilously close to Aya's face. "Ah, ah, ah - I think you promised Omi you'd be a team player. I'm just trying to show you what that means."

 

What an odious development. "Omi isn't here right now," Aya muttered.

 

"Do you want him to trust you or not? Because you don't have a clue, Aya. I'm trying to help you. Are you listening to me yet?"

 

Aya sighed. "I'm listening."

 

Ken nodded. "Excellent. So, Aya - how are you?"

 

"Fucking miserable. Thanks for asking."

 

Ken grinned. "Good man. How can I help?"

 

Aya stared. What the fucking fuck? "You - " He was flummoxed.

 

"Already saved your ass big time? Yeah. I did that more for Yoji, actually, but not completely. You're a pure fucking trial to deal with, and you're kind of a showboat on missions, but you've always been solid. Well, except for that once. But anyway, you take care of me, I take care of you. That's what it's like when you're on a team." He patted Aya's arm. "So, it's not all bad, man. Give us a chance, and it might not suck as hard as you're thinking it will."

 

Aya watched Ken's hand on his arm in horror and met his eyes with a warning look. He didn't actually growl, so he thought he was making progress on the interpersonal front. "Sorry Ken, I'm taken."

 

"Oh, don't even," Ken said, rolling his eyes. "I wouldn't touch you like that with a God-damned barge pole."

 

Aya truly had no idea what to say.

 

Ken looked at him and nodded. "Yeah, that's better. I think Yoji kind of likes that high-maintenance angry dick thing, but he's a freak like that, OK? Don't try it with me. "

 

"Homophobic?"

 

"No. Just not interested. Not that I'd bite anyway, even if I was the captain of the ass pirate fleet. You're bad fucking news, Aya, and I'm not quite as dumb as I seem."

 

Well, that was… One corner of Aya's mouth quirked up.

 

****

 

"Good to see you, Ken. Nice of you to come by for a visit. Can we get you some tea? Maybe a snack?" Ken wasn't especially late, and there weren't actually any customers in the store anyway, but Yoji hadn't gotten much sleep last night, and Aya had been a monumental dick this morning, and Yoji wanted a cigarette break fucking now. He had some cranky to spare, and it had to go somewhere.

 

"Well, you've got balls, I'll give you that. I just did you a favor you'll never be able to pay back for the rest of your pathetic, miserable life, and on top of that, you <i>still</i> owe me a week of shifts in the flower shop. So the fact that you have the gall to actually bitch about me being thirty minutes late, when there hasn't even been anybody in yet - well, that's just impressive. Good job, Kudoh. Now shut the fuck up before you piss me off."

 

Yeah. Maybe Ken had a point. Yoji just waved it away, but he didn't say anything else.

 

Ken nodded. "I was just talking to your evil, pissy boyfriend."

 

"He's not -"

 

Ken rolled his eyes. "If you're about to get semantic on my ass, Yoji, a word to the wise. Fucking don't. Boyfriend, squeeze, bitch, whatever. He's a trial and a burden. Maybe making some progress, though." Ken looked curiously at the bouquet Yoji was putting together. "God damn, Yoji. Did somebody piss you off?"

 

Yoji looked at the flowers in his hands. "What are you talking about? They asked for something unusual."

 

"Well, you got that covered." Shaking his head, Ken grabbed the next order ticket.

 

"Are you saying I'm a bad florist?"

 

"No, Yoji. I'm <i>implying</i> that you're a bad florist. It would be rude to come out and say it."

 

"And you'd never do something like that. Takes one to know one, by the way." Yoji tied a ribbon on the arrangement and called it a day. Maybe the weird furry green flower things weren't for everybody, but Yoji liked them. They added texture. "So, what did you talk to Aya about?"

 

Ken looked pained. "'Takes one to know one.' Jesus Christ, Yoji, put a little effort into it, would you?" He sighed. "I gave him a pep talk, actually."

 

Yoji put down the shears in his hand and stared at Ken in horror. "And how did that go over?"

 

"Pretty well, actually. He seems to know how to act like a human being, if you make him."

 

Huh. "I hadn't noticed that. But if you gave him a pep talk and he didn't take your head off - well, I guess you've got the knack." Yoji couldn't help being impressed. And maybe a little jealous.

 

"Yup; I've got a big dick, all right. Seriously, though. I think he's going to do what he said he'd do."

 

"What's that?"

 

"He promised Omi he was going to be on the team. Play by the rules, stop being such a jackass. I think he really meant it."

 

Yoji nodded slowly. "I think he did mean it. It's not like he really has much of a choice."

 

"Not at the moment, probably not. But he's a pretty resourceful guy, I have to admit. No reason he couldn't run, once he's healed up."

 

Holy shit, Yoji hadn't thought of that. How could he have missed something so obvious? Here he was, thinking he'd won. But you couldn't really trust Aya, could you? He could easily just be biding his time. Yoji wanted to sit in the floor and put his head in his hands.

 

"Jesus, Yoji, calm down. I'm telling you I don't think that's what he's going to do. I think he's planning to keep his word."

 

Yoji leaned heavily on the counter, feeling a little sick. "Really?"

 

"Yeah, really. I don't have any particular reason to lie to myself about it. Unlike some," Ken added, almost under his breath.

 

Bastard. It was true, though. Yoji would ignore the vertigo and just move on. He grabbed another order to work on. "So, this pep talk. What did you say to him?"

 

"I just told him I was there for him. That he's, you know, not alone. I thought he needed it. Because believe me, Yoji, he knows you're already gone."

 

Yoji slammed down the vase he'd just grabbed. "Fucking shut up about that, Ken. I'm not going to leave him. And even if I did, I don't think he'd be exactly broken up about it." Aya had bigger fish to fry. Yoji narrowed his eyes at the thought of that fatuous bastard Aya was in love with. The one Aya was really in love with.

 

Ken was watching him. "Why do you say that?"

 

"Because I love him, you asshole! I'm not going to walk out on him."

 

"We can just agree to disagree about that part. I meant, why do you think he wouldn't be broken up about it?"

 

"He's got somebody else he's hung up on. I don't think there's a lot of room left over for anybody else."

 

"Yeah? When does he see this person? Because he seems to be with you a lot."

 

"It's not about dinner and a movie, Ken."

 

"Well, you know him better than I do. One thing I'm sure of, though - you can't go by what he says. He's not the kind of guy who's going to tell you anything. You've got to go by what he does."

 

Yoji snorted. "It's in his kiss?"

 

"Yeah. That's what I mean." Ken looked disconcertingly serious.

 

"Oh, my God. I'm going to tell him you said that."

 

Ken shrugged. "Fine with me. He knows I've got his number."

 

Yoji contemplated the backs of his hands, resting a little less forcefully, now, on the countertop. Maybe Ken did have Aya's number. Yoji sure as hell hoped so.