X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Searching For..... ❯ Memories ( Chapter 1 )

Title: Searching For…
Title: Searching For…..

Author: JadeHeart

Archived: Found on CLAMPesque Board, AdultFanfiction.net and Fanfiction.net. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first!

Fandom: X/1999

Rating: X

Warnings: thoughts of death and violence, angst

Timeline: After the Final Battle in the anime series.

Summary: Fuma must face the world after the Final Battle, and himself. And so life goes on ...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this, they are all CLAMP's, nor am I making any profits from this.

 

 

Part 1: Memories

 

 

The soft breeze rustled the leaves overhead, a couple gently floating towards the ground below to kiss the grass, until the breeze picked them up once more and swirled them away in a swaying dance.

 

Silken hair brushed across his forehead in the wind, falling over his eyes. He looked up at the sun above, the rays filtered by the tree's branches so it fell in a mottled pattern of light and dark. High pitched chirps and whistles accompanied the arrival of a couple of small birds as they jumped along the branch near where his hand rested, unafraid of the presence of the human there, sitting high in the branches of this tree that was their home. A soft smile automatically curved his lips as he watched them, his features softening.

 

He felt a light tap on his shoulder and a small ball of warmth settled near his ear briefly. Slowly turning his head, he looked at the tiny bird perched there, head cocked to one side to view his face.

 

"So you're a bold one, aren't you, my friend?" he said softly with a smile, seeing the bird's feathers move gently with his breath.

 

The little bird half flapped its wings and ruffled its chest feathers to puff them up further, trying to make itself appear larger than it was. An unvoiced chuckle filled Fuma's chest at these antics. With a flutter of wings his little friend soared to a branch hanging over Fuma's head.

 

As Fuma leant his head back to watch the flight, he rested it against the tree trunk. It was an old tree, old and majestic and it provided him some peace from his constant inner turmoil, so he came here often. The tree was surrounded by grass and other plants, away from the city sounds; a small oasis of calm in the chaos of Tokyo. The birds and other small animals carried on their lives here, unharmed and rarely bothered. This place was not on any path so had few visitors; Fuma being the only one now.

 

Kotori was here, buried beneath the overhang of this tree. Buried by someone who had loved her deeply, and continued on with his destiny, despite her loss.

Kotori, his sister, his beloved younger sister whom he had looked after for so long, and whom he had loved just as deeply as that other someone. His sister whom he had.....killed.

 

A shudder shook his body, fingers clenching into a fist as it lay on the branch, the bark biting into his skin, pushing under his fingernails. A sharp stab of pain in his hand made him stop. He took a deep breath; long, slow. Another. Another. He began to find his balance again. It had taken him a long time to accept that he had been responsible for destroying his sister. A long time, filled with tears, pain, horror and remorse. Fortunately, the memory of him doing so remained blessedly vague, apparently as the other 'Kamui' whom he had become had only just begun to awaken. But the memories that he did have were filled with blood - Kotori's blood. On his hands.

 

He probably would have gone mad at that time, or killed himself to stop the pain, to destroy this shell and the hands that had killed Kotori, if not for one night a few weeks after the Final Battle.

 

***************

 

He hadn't been asleep, he was sure of it. The horrors that he had inflicted on others had kept him awake in those first few days, sitting in his room in a chair near the window, eyes wide, staring, unseeing, withdrawn, seeing the horrors played out over and over again. So he was sure he wasn't asleep.

 

Then he had heard a voice calling him. A soft, gentle voice, a voice that he knew, a voice belonging to someone he loved. His mind had resurfaced, eyes searching for the owner of that voice in the long shadows in the spartan room.

 

A soft glow began to form almost directly in front of him, a soft blue-white light that seemed to swirl like mist. A shape began to coalesce within this nimbus. A small form, compared to his six foot frame, a feminine form. Long honey coloured hair, large eyes and a gentle smile on a face he knew as well as his own.

 

A sob choked in his throat as he raised a trembling hand towards the figure before him, hovering a few inches above the floor, seeking to touch what was now out of reach. Then miraculously he felt two small soft hands enclose his outstretched one, warmth covering it.

 

Tears streamed down his face as he gazed upon Kotori's smiling face. He couldn't move. He was afraid to move, least any further movement on his part would cause this wonderful vision to go, flee, leaving him alone once more.

 

Kotori floated closer, bringing his clasped hand to her breast, clasping it tightly. He closed his eyes for a moment. He could feel her! He opened his eyes quickly, afraid to lose sight of her. She knelt before him and rested her head on his knees.

 

Fuma, she spoke quietly, though the voice didn't seem to be heard with his ears.

 

He reached out his other hand and gently rested it on her head, fingers automatically running gently over the long silken strands that lay there, combing them as he had done so often before over all the years they had been together. Tears fell onto Kotori's hair and he gentle wiped them away with each stroke. He felt like his heart would break from joy. It was Kotori, she was here, she had come back to him, she wasn't gone. He wasn't alone anymore.

 

Kotori raised her head and looked up into his face. She raised a hand and softly wiped the tears away that still fell, that continued to fall. Tears of pain, regret, love and joy. She still smiled at him.

 

"I'm sorry," he whispered brokenly in a voice that was unused to being used recently. "I'm sorry." He could say nothing more, there was too much to say, and no words to say it.

 

She shook her head sharply, her hair swinging across her shoulders in an action that yanked at his heart it was so familiar.

 

No!, she said firmly. I'm sorry I left you. I didn't want to, truly I didn't. But it was my destiny.

 

At that word, 'destiny', his hands clenched. He wanted nothing more to do with 'destiny'. 'Destiny' had destroyed everything he held dear. Is this how he had felt all that time? Fuma wondered suddenly in shocked understanding.

 

Kotori's hands tightened on his, bringing him back to the moment.

 

I know it is hard. I didn't want to die. But this was a moment that had to happen, to finally reach the moment of Choice. Her voice sounded like it was echoing in his head. I had a choice to make, just as you did. Between the Earth and my death. I chose this.

 

Fuma stared at her in shock. She chose to die?! In such a horrible way? Why hadn't she told him?! Why hadn't she stopped him?!

 

She reached up and touched his face, cupping his cheek in her small hand.

 

Fuma, she continued, looking deeply into his eyes with a strength that he hadn't realised she had held within her.

 

I chose to die because I wanted the Earth to live. Not just because the Earth should live, and all the animals, plants and people on it should live, but I wanted the Earth to live because I wanted you and Kamui to be happy. The Earth was the place both of you were, and I wanted there to be no other place but here to continue on. And I would have done anything to protect both of you, no matter what it cost me! I knew the path for you both would be hard, but I had faith in you both that you would traverse it and reach its end and that you would be safe. That is why I chose this.

 

Fuma tried to speak but his voice choked. He cleared his throat, and tried again. "But we didn't make it to the end of the path. Not both of us..." his voice trailed off as his throat closed again in pain.

 

Sadness filled Kotori's eyes for a moment, a sadness that Fuma immediately regretted for being responsible for causing.

 

I know, she said quietly dropping her eyes for a moment. But you both did save the Earth...

 

Fuma interrupted, with a sharp shake of his head. "He did! I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything except destroy!"

 

Kotori looked up again at him.

 

That's not true, Fuma! she cried softly, standing to lean over his seated form and placing both hands on either side of his face, forcing him to look at her and only her. Without your heart, without the feelings that you had for Kamui, his wish couldn't come true! Don't you see that? Without a heart that could love, and still loved, despite what had happened and everything that was going on, Kamui could not have made his last wish. It was because there was still a part of your heart that Kamui could enter and make his wish a reality! You did save the Earth! Just as he did! You did it together!

 

Fuma looked into her passionate eyes, wanting to believe, and a part of him did. He remembered the feeling as Kamui placed his hand over his heart, there at the end, entrusting his wish to Fuma. He remembered a sudden breaking, as though barriers that had been erected around a place deep inside him were crumbling, a feeling of something reaching out of himself, through the other 'Kamui's' presence that filled his soul, reaching out towards this other feeling that was entering him, this other feeling coming from his Kamui. And he remembered the feeling as these two essences joined, melded, combined and then.....it was over. The other 'Kamui' was gone. As was....his Kamui. But the feeling remained. Still remained.

 

Kotori nodded.

 

Yes! she said firmly. You see? It was because you both wanted the same thing. And no matter how deeply your own soul had been pushed and sealed away, there was one thing that you held onto, and refused to let be destroyed and taken over. And when Kamui needed that, needed you to be there, you answered that call. You kept your promise, Fuma. You promised that you would protect Kamui, and you did. Because without you, Kamui would have died and the Earth as well, and it all would have been for nothing!

 

Fuma continued to look at his sister, her hands on his face, wet with the tears that hadn't ceased to fall. He wanted to believe so much and he was beginning to, just a little.

 

Kotori moved one of her hands and placed it over his heart. He felt the warmth of that hand, felt the rise of his chest against it as he breathed.

 

Remember, Fuma. I live on here in your heart. I always will and I don't regret my choice and I don't blame you. It wasn't you who did this. You were in here, waiting for the moment when you could keep your promise. And you did. And Kamui lives here inside of you now. Always and forever.

 

Fuma raised a hand and laid it over the top of Kotori's, pressing it against his chest.

 

“I want you back,” he said brokenly.

 

She smiled sweetly at him, eyes filled with sorrow.

 

I know. I can't. She paused a moment, then continued. But I can do this.

 

A small glow began around their clasped hands. Fuma took his away and looked down at his chest. Kotori moved her hand away a few inches from his body and he could see a small ball of light, no bigger than a marble. Kotori's eyes were closed and her whole being began to glow also.

 

This I can do for you, she said, and raised both hands before her and pushed against his chest, and pushed the glowing ball into his chest, directly over his heart. He gasped, not in pain, but at a sudden feeling of warmth inside. It felt like a portion of his soul was unfreezing, thawing, and he couldn't halt the hand that came up to rest over his heart, or the soft smile that came to his lips.

 

That is what I've wanted to see. He raised his head at Kotori's words to see his sister looking down at him fondly. It's been a very long time since I've seen my Fuma smile in that way. Filled with love and kindness. I like it like that!, and she smiled impishly back at him, eyes lit with joy. He felt his smile broaden in return. Yes, it had been a long time since he had smiled because he truly felt happy.

 

He noticed the light around Kotori brightening and she sighed, I have to go now.

 

He felt the smile slip from his face, a hand reaching out to her and grasping one of hers tightly.

 

“Please, don't,” he begged.

 

I must. I really shouldn't have come here at all. I'm not supposed to really, but I couldn't leave you here alone. I had to tell you that, and make you understand what had happened. I couldn't let you continue to blame yourself for a decision that I had made. And now you know I'm never going to be apart from you again. She leant forward and whispered behind a hand as though there was someone else that was there that could hear her. I'm not supposed to do things like that, but you're my big brother and I wanted to. So there! Her impish smile lit her lips again.

 

Fuma reached out and placed both hands to cup her face and drew it closer to his. He rested their foreheads together, eyes closed for a moment.

 

“Thank you.” he whispered, then placed a kiss on each of her cheeks.

 

Anytime, big brother. she whispered back. I'm always with you. Forever. And she placed a final benediction in the form of a kiss on the top of his head before stepping back.

 

Remember, the future is never fully determined. There is still hope. Even when you feel there is none. Don't give up yet.

 

The light around her intensified as she spoke, and as she raised a hand to blow him a kiss, it slowly faded and she was gone.

 

Fuma sat silently in the dark room, hands clasped over his heart, thinking.

 

**************

 

The breeze ruffled his hair again. It was autumn, still warm but soon it would begin to get colder. But whilst the weather was mild he would continue to come here, to this tree. To Kotori's tree. He loved it here and it was here that

Fuma still felt so close to his sister. The gentleness, the warmth, the feeling of time having stopped and only all the good things captured and held.

 

Slowly he let his eyes close, letting his mind drift, sitting, half lying on the tree's branch. The breeze fluttered against the open necked white shirt he was wearing, sunlight adding touches of warmth to his neck.

 

One hand was bathed in the sunlight, resting on the branch. The warmth was nice, he thought. Warmth on his hand...like the touch of another's hand. Warm, slim fingers clasped around his. Hands that seemed so delicate, so fragile, almost feminine, yet were masculine and had held such strength, such power. He knew those hands well, could recall the touch of that hand as it lay over his heart, there at the end.

 

Those hands matched well the body, the lean, slim lines. A fluid body, always seeming in motion and yet it could hold so deathly still, so inwardly absorbed. But so soft and yielding when enfolded in his embrace, so giving and surrendering as the arms encircled his waist.

 

The soft silken hair, permanently moving in the air around it, the touch running softly over Fuma's hands, as he clasped the head to his chest and rested his cheek against it.

 

The face was angular and elfin in looks, so expressive all the time, and the crowning glory of that face were the eyes. The large, violet eyes that filled the face, enough to make you forget everything else around you. Eyes that filled with every emotion felt, filled and overflowed. Eyes that were beautiful even when brimming with tears or anger. Eyes that held so much suffering, hope, pain, yearning, wanting, caring, and ....love?

 

He could still see those eyes as they looked up at him, everything in them that said he would always be there, that he would protect the world, that he would protect Fuma as he promised, keep him safe, that he wanted Fuma to be happy. Those eyes....Kamui.

 

Fuma opened his eyes with a jerk, sending the small birds fleeing in fright from the sudden movement. His head snapped back to connect solidly with the tree trunk. He didn't even feel that contact over the stabbing pain filling his chest. He crushed the hand that had been warmed by the sun to his chest, clasping it there, as though to hold onto that warmth, the ghost of a touch. Or to keep the pain inside. The pain...the sorrow....the loss.

 

He slithered down the trunk to the ground, his peace shattered... again. He had so few times when he forgot, for but a moment. His long legs stretched out as he began to walk away, his strides lengthening, quickening, until he was running; fleeing his memories, or running desperately to try and reach something now out of reach. Both....neither, he just ran.

 

A bump against his shoulder made him stumble, his stride broken and he became once more aware of his surroundings. He had left the Academy's grounds; he was back in the city, crowded with people.

 

He stopped on the sidewalk, letting the throng of humanity part and move around him, swirling around in a riot of colours and sounds. He looked upwards, at the soaring skyscrapers, stretching towards the blue sky, the white clouds crowning them, the sun glinting from the many windows and steel frames to make a halo around these man-made giants. This is what Kamui wanted to save; the people, the city.

 

Fuma continued to look, to absorb everything around him, to try and believe as Kamui had believed that all this had been worth it.

 

Fuma did like it. He liked the city, he liked the people, he liked this world. Kamui had placed all his faith on this world. He had wanted to protect it, to make it safe, to bring Fuma back to himself and give him a world to be happy in.

 

And he had done it - he had brought Fuma back, the other 'Kamui' gone in that last instance, the world was safe as he had wished.

 

But Fuma could not be happy in it. For this beautiful world no longer held the one thing that he wanted the most, that meant the most to him.

 

His eyes fastened on Tokyo Tower. He saw Kamui looking up at him, his eyes filled with peace, hope and love, a gentle smile on his lips as he placed his hand over Fuma's heart and told him that he would continue to live on his heart always.

 

Yes, he had been right. He did live on in Fuma's heart. But it was not his heart where Fuma wanted Kamui to be. He wanted Kamui to be there with him, in person, in the flesh, to look at, to touch.

 

Tears pricked at his eyes, the pain stabbing again and he gripped his chest, fingers digging into his flesh as though wanting to rip out the organ that caused so much agony. At a stumbling run he fled again, seeking solace and knowing he would find none.

 

He arrived back at the mansion at the Academy which was his only refuge now.

 

*****************

 

On that last fateful day he remembered standing at the edge of Tokyo Tower, hand over his heart, feeling Kamui's essence engulfing himself and all the Earth.

 

He distantly heard the sound of a helicopter coming closer but paid it no mind, his thoughts still full of what had occurred and the beginnings of the loss to come. A scuff of a boot on metal behind him did make him turn.

 

There were two men standing there. One he dimly remembered as being a Dragon of Heaven. The young man wasn't much older than Fuma, his long pale coat tattered and torn, with more than one blood stain on it, fresh smears on his face. One arm was thrown around the other man's shoulders as he leant heavily on this aid, pain radiating from the thin body, but also a deep inner strength. He was no longer a Dragon of Heaven, no longer a guardian of the barriers, but there was still power there. Great power.

 

The dark head rose to look at Fuma more fully. Fuma started at the single emerald eye, the other like a white crystal, clear and bottomless.

 

Another dim memory surfaced. Himself inflicting pain. Worse, inflicting blindness. A feeling of horror came over him, a feeling of remorse for all that he had done.

 

Something of it must have shown on his face for the young man took a deep breath and left the other man's support, brushing aside the worried sound the other made, and walked with slow, dragging steps towards Fuma.

 

Fuma felt trails of coldness on his cheeks as the wind dried the tears that ran down his face. He still stood on the very edge of the tower.

 

The young man stopped before him, only a foot between them. He wasn't as tall as Fuma and so had to look upwards a little, but this did not lessen the feeling of power Fuma felt from him, nor did it lessen the feeling of respect that Fuma felt.

 

More and more memories were beginning to surface for Fuma as he had watched this man traverse the short distance. The tears continued to flow. Fuma realised how much pain he had given, how many deaths he had caused, how little he had cared.

 

“Kamui...Kotori,” he moaned, standing in the silence.

 

This man before him had suffered at his hand also, suffered greatly in his own right and in his protection of Kamui against Fuma's wrath. It would be easy for the man to reach out a hand and just...push. It would have been his right, and Fuma wouldn't stop him. It was no less than he deserved after all he had done. He could never set things right. It doesn't work that way.

 

The man continued to look at him silently, unmoving. Fuma waited for the blow, wanting the blow. A hand rose towards him. This was it - revenge, justice, the end. It was only right.

 

Fuma stood still, and as the hand drew nearer he closed his eyes, not from fear but to look deeply at the last memory of a beautiful face and violet eyes, to hold tightly to that memory in those final moments. But instead of the sharp shove he was expecting and the feeling of falling, he felt a hand gently rest over the hand he still clasped to his chest, over his heart. Startled he opened his eyes to look into the uneven stare of the other, the warmth of the hand over his stealing the chill from his skin.

 

“Come. There has been enough death. It is over.”

 

Those quiet words undid Fuma completely, and with a hard sob he dropped to his knees, tears flowing freely from his eyes, both hands clasped over his chest, crushing the fabric as wrenching sobs drove themselves from his body, and he shook with them.

 

The other knelt before him, one hand still clasped over Fuma's under his body and as he cried Fuma felt another arm settle gently over his back, drawing his head to rest on the chest clad in tattered black material.

 

This warm touch of another person, the absolution given by one who had every right to scream for retribution, wiped away the last touches of the other 'Kamui' and all that had occurred.

 

Fuma began to make out soft words, whispered into his hair as a warm cheek rested on his head as he continued to cry.

 

“It is time to move on and to live, and to hope. There are still wishes in this world, though sometimes they may take some time before they can be fulfilled. That is the gift that Kamui gave to us all. What choice do we have but to honour that which he most deeply wanted for us?”

 

Fuma continued to cry for a long time, cradled in the strong, warm arms of the onmyouji master.

 

After that, the helicopter had taken Subaru to the hospital and Fuma to the mansion. He was told that this was now his home. In a way he was extremely grateful. He could not go back to the shrine. He could never go back there. Far too many painful memories were there and if he went back he knew he would be swallowed up by them and drown in the sorrow. He was not yet strong enough for that. He was given a room and told to go wherever he wished in that wing.

 

It was nearly a month before he felt able to leave his room. His meals had been delivered to him there as was anything else he desired. The first week or so he could do nothing but sit. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, his moments haunted by returning memories. Nothing could break this cycle. Until Kotori had come.

 

After her visitation, he was finally able to eat and sleep. He found that he slept most of the time, a true sleep that for the most part was dreamless. Sometimes his sleep was disturbed by nightmares but his body was drained. The unnatural strength of the other 'Kamui's' presence had pushed his mortal frame to the limits, and with that power no longer there, his body was now desperately trying to rebalance itself. So plenty of food and sleep was what it craved at this point. Finally when he felt not only strong enough to walk but strong enough in will and spirit, he left his room to look around.

 

There were many bedrooms in this wing. This was where the Dragons of

Heaven had lived. Admittedly, not all of them, but a number of them who had not originally come from Tokyo.

 

Although they were gone and their rooms had been cleared after the final battle, it was surprising that when Fuma wandered into them during his exploration he found he could identify each. Perhaps it was the interaction of the other 'Kamui' with each Dragon of Heaven that had attuned him to their presences, even this long after the Final Battle.

 

In one room as he wandered into it, he spotted a patch of yellow in the darkness under the bed. Reaching under he pulled out a baseball cap.

 

Sorata, he thought, pulling up a memory of the other 'Kamui'. A happy, laughing boy. Intense and passionate. Embracing life head on. Killed by his hand.

 

He dropped the cap as though burned. Dead.

 

He fled the room.

 

Another room was bright and airy. A girl's room, he thought, it had that feel to it, the feminine calmness. Over at the window seat, on the ledge in the corner, half hidden by a cushion, was a small brush. Two long brown hairs still hung in its bristles.

 

Arashi, he placed a name to the face that flickered into his mind. A sword of brilliance flashing as she fought to change the destiny of the man she had loved.

 

And failed.

 

Again he fled the room.

 

Another was smaller, cosier, with a small study desk set up in a corner. An empty box of pocky was half crumpled and pushed to one corner near the wall. Fuma felt half a smile touch his lips.

 

Yuzuriha and Inuki, he thought.

 

He remembered this girl, the intense desire that was there in that small body, the strength of spirit, the will to live and the great love she held in her heart.

 

He remembered the spirit dog striking him, pushing him away from its mistress and the fierce look she had then given him as she half turned her back towards him to protect the young spirit pup.

 

Yes, she was a strong one.

 

And she had found her match with a Dragon of Earth no less. Kusanagi, a man just as full of encompassing love and the fierce desire to protect that which he wanted to. Which in this case was Yuzuriha. Although she was still young, this would be a match to last. They would stay together now.

 

Fuma ran a gentle hand over the edge of the study desk. Yuzuriha would not be using it again, she had gone home and had taken Kusanagi with her. She would not be back.

 

Fuma did not flee this room but left it with an almost fond, though wistful look. It was good that she was safe and would be happy.

 

Subaru's room had been pointed out to him at the start so he had never had any intention of going in there. But by the time he had gained his strength he had been told that Subaru, too, had left, returning to his family's estate in

Kyoto.

 

Now Fuma opened the door to what had been Subaru's room at times. It was clean, fresh looking. Nothing left behind.

 

Leaning on the window ledge and looking outside, Fuma noticed a cigarette butt resting there, half burn down as though it had slipped unnoticed from someone's hand, not been thrown there.

 

Had Subaru smoked? Fuma didn't know for certain but guessed this must have been the case. For some reason it reminded him of Seishirou Sakurazukamori.

 

He had glimpses of memory of Subaru, always in relation to his being there to protect Kamui. Those were the most intense images he had from that time. That fierce protectiveness that Subaru felt for what he wanted to protect, at all costs.

 

Subaru had made it more than clear that he wanted no revenge, no pay back.

He wanted nothing from Fuma for the past. He had not seen Fuma in person before leaving but he had left a note, which surprised Fuma in its politeness and thoughtfulness. Subaru owed him nothing, certainly not any kind of courtesy. The note simply said good-bye and a blessing to live well. Fuma kept that note folded and placed in a pocket over his heart. He cherished it, for when he placed a hand over where it lay, it made him feel as though he was not alone. He trailed out of that room and continued on.

 

All the rooms held a memory of their occupant, a touch there, an essence here, a memento of the individuals, both living and dead, of who and what these people were, not just Dragons of Earth.

 

The baseball cap of Sorata's wasn't just an inflection of being 'cool', he actually did enjoy this American based-game.

 

Arashi had beautiful long hair and did like to sit at the window and brush it, a small moment of vanity in her austere life.

 

Yuzuriha loved to munch her snacks whilst studying, and it was a good thing she was so active to burn off the calories or this habit could become a problem for her later!

 

Subaru obviously smoked, unusual in itself for an onmyouji master, but it made him more human as well.

 

All the rooms held these parts of these people for Fuma to see, read and feel.

 

But there was one room that held nothing.

 

It was a large room, spacious and beautiful, a separate sitting room joined it.

It was glorious - and totally empty of anything that had been its previous occupier.

 

This was Kamui's room, he had been told. He had come here hoping to find something of Kamui's; a token, a feeling, anything.

 

But there was nothing.

 

There was no sense of Kamui in this room, and no matter how hard Fuma looked, how desperately he searched, there was nothing left here that had been Kamui's.

 

Nothing.

 

This room was empty. It held no memories of the person before, it would be completely filled by the person coming after.

 

Fuma felt his heart lurch in his chest and he dropped heavily to his knees at the side of the bed. He stretched his arms out before him, spreading his hands over the sheets and gripping them, scrunching them together as he buried his face into the white crispness, his hot tears soaking into the layers.

 

Kamui wasn't here.

 

He was gone....

 

Gone.