X/1999 Fan Fiction ❯ Searching For..... ❯ Hope ( Chapter 2 )

Title: Searching For…
Author: JadeHeart

Archived: Found on CLAMPesque Board, AdultFanfiction.net and Fanfiction.net. If anyone else would like it, please ask me first!

Fandom: X/1999

Rating: X

Warnings: thoughts of death and violence, angst

Timeline: After the Final Battle in the anime series.

Summary: Fuma must face the world after the Final Battle, and himself. And so life goes on ...

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this, they are all CLAMP's, nor am I making any profits from this.

 

 

Part 2: Hope

 

Fuma stepped out of the train and looked around. He spotted the sign for the exit he wanted and began to make his way towards it, side-stepping the other rushing pedestrians, both coming and going.

 

He dodged around a mother pushing a pram, which unfortunately took him directly into the path of a running man. Both of them saw each other at the same time, there was a split second for them to realise that collision was imminent, and then the tangle of arms and legs as they both tumbled to the ground. The flow of humanity continued around them, each busy in their own world.

 

Fuma felt a softness under his hand and realised that it rested on the other man's thigh. He also realised that a head was nestled in the crook of his neck, soft breathe on his skin. He blushed a little with embarrassment. There was certainly squirming going on as they both tried to extricate themselves from their position, sometimes getting in each other's way more than not, and making the process take far longer than it should.

 

“So sorry!” the other man said, getting to his knees before standing. “I wasn't watching. Are you okay?” He held out a hand as an offering of assistance.

 

Fuma reached up to clasp the hand and raised his head as he spoke, “It was my fault, I didn't check. I'm…..” his words stopped in his throat as his eyes widened. He could see the change of expression on the face of the man above him also as recognition clicked. The hand holding his tightened, almost painfully.

 

Fuma froze in shock. How, in all of Tokyo, could he have managed to run into this man?! Out of all the millions of people, in all the different places, why him? And why now? What could he do? What could he say? What…..what…..

 

The hand around his tightened again and Fuma waited for the pain, the retribution, the shunning. Instead he felt a tug upwards as the man urged him to his feet.

 

“Come on…….Fuma.” the quiet voice said as Fuma staggered to his footing. The hand did not release his and that gentle grip was like a prison.

 

Fuma allowed himself to be led to a seat set to one side in a corner. The bustling of the crowds continued, oblivious to the little interplay that was occurring in their midst.

 

A slight pressure on his shoulders made him sit. Once he was, he looked up at the man before him. Seiichiro Aoki looked back.

 

The eyes behind the glasses were bright, intelligent - but it was the warmth that unhinged Fuma. Warmth was not an expression that he had expected to see from this man. Hatred, anger, burning revenge… those he had fully expected to see. All that would have been completely normal to see from this man when he came face to face with the cold-blooded killer of his beloved nephew. But there was none of that. Only warmth. Fuma felt himself grow colder. How could he face this feeling being given to him? It was wrong - and the last thing he deserved!

 

He dropped his head down, bringing his hands up to cover his face, trying to hide, feeling the streaking of tears on his cheeks. A sob choked in his throat. Oh, gods, he had killed Saiki! Torn him apart, left him in pieces, couldn't even give him a quick, clean death that would at least have been more honourable. Instead he had inflicted as much pain and brutality as he could have on the young man trying to protect Hinoto and Kamui. Deliberately did it this way to ensure that it caused the most grief and despair to the living left behind to mourn.

 

Fuma's body shook with the sobs coming out of him.

 

Then he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder and he shied away from the touch, pushing himself back into the corner against the wall, one hand raised over his face as though to hide his tears, or to ward off a blow he was expecting to fall.

 

But a hand merely closed around that raised arm, and with the tiniest of pressures forced it down. Fuma kept his face still turned away, eyes squeezed shut, refusing to look at the other. If he didn't look, if he didn't acknowledge the man before him, then he wasn't here, this was all just a nightmare.

 

A warm hand gripped his chin belying this wish, forcing his head away from the wall. He kept his eyes shut.

 

“Fuma…” a quiet voice said softly. “Won't you please look at me?”

 

Mutely, Fuma shook his head stubbornly. No, he wouldn't look, he couldn't look!

 

“Please? For my sake?”

 

Fuma couldn't understand the gentleness of the voice. There was no beguilement in it, no pretence or deviousness. It was just a question asked and Fuma could do no less than to concede to that request.

 

Slowly he opened his eyes, tears still caught on his lashes, the hand still gently but firmly gripping his chin, tilting his face upwards as the other man gazed down.

 

“Are you all right?” the man asked sincerely, gaze wandering over Fuma's tear-stained face with an expression of worry in his eyes.

 

“Am I…..?” Fuma could hardly believe his ears. This man was asking if he was all right? After all he had done before?

 

Fuma felt tears begin to fall again, leaking from the corner of his eyes to run down his cheek bones, to touch the fingers of the hand gripping his chin.

 

A gentle smile graced the other man's face and the hand on Fuma's chin left it, only to then gently cup the side of his face and a thumb carefully wiped the tears away. He squatted before Fuma and gently shook his head.

 

“Guess it was a bit of shock for you, wasn't it? Running into me, I mean.” Seiichiro Aoki sighed. “I didn't mean to startle you so much. I honestly had no idea you were here.” Then his lips quirked in a half smile. “Not that I would really have had any way of knowing you were here amongst the millions of people in Tokyo!”

 

He reached out a hand and patted Fuma's knees. “Are you okay to walk? Was there anywhere in particular you were going?”

 

Still feeling stunned, Fuma shook his head silently.

 

“So you've got no pressing appointments?” Seiichiro questioned.

 

Again Fuma shook his head in the negative. Aoki pursued his lips then half shrugged. “Then why don't you come along with me? I'm going to stop by to see a friend briefly, but I'd like us to talk. Don't you think we should?”

 

**************

 

He looked down at Fuma trying to gauge what the boy would do. Fuma seemed to be struggling with this suggestion, should he or shouldn't he accept? Then his shoulders seemed to slump a little as though in defeat and he nodded his head slightly.

 

“Good. Come on then.” Aoki put a hand underneath an elbow and levered the lanky frame to its feet. It's a good thing that Aoki was about the same height as Fuma or it might have been a bit awkward. Placing a gentle guiding hand on Fuma's back, Aoki led him towards the train he needed to catch.

 

Inside the carriage they were lucky enough to find two seats together. Aoki cast quick glances at his companion. He had been surprised when Fuma had looked up and Aoki had recognised those features. No, not surprised - shocked. He couldn't help but be so. It was just so unexpected, so completely unexpected as to be almost surreal. He also couldn't stop that initial surge of anger at coming face to face with the demon they had all fought and struggled against for so long.

 

But the lost look in the eyes of the face before him…those eyes didn't belong to the murderer of Saiki. Those eyes weren't the eyes of the Destroyer of Earth. The face may have been the same, the body may have been the same - but those eyes belonged to an entirely different soul. And the look of suffering and loss in them reminded Aoki far too much of another young boy who had been such a big part of his life. A boy who had lived up to, and far exceeded, everyone's expectations. A boy who had saved the world.

 

A boy who Aoki could not save. Just as he could not save Saiki.

 

Aoki sighed softly. After all these months he really hadn't thought about what had happened to the other `Kamui'. He hadn't known this boy, Fuma, before. He had heard a lot about him, from the various Dragons of Heaven and a bit from conversations with Kamui. But his only introduction to this boy was after the other `Kamui' had awakened and there was nothing left of the `Fuma' that Kamui had known.

 

After the Final Battle, and he had finally been well enough to leave the hospital, he had returned to his wife and began to rebuild his life with his family. He knew that Arashi had returned to her temple, as had Yuzuriha. He had found out that Subaru had indeed returned to help Kamui on that last fateful day and probably it was his intervention that had enabled Kamui to fulfil his wish. Aoki was always surprised by the Sumeragi. Such a young man, so tortured and unhappy, and yet one of the most powerful people he had ever known could exist. Only he could have accomplished so much in coming between the two `Kamui's' in the battle of Destiny. Only he could have influenced Fate. Such power.

 

So with each of the Dragons of Heaven returning to their own homes, and with Kamui gone, Aoki had not given any thought to the surviving `Kamui'. No, he thought to himself, stealing another side long glance at his young companion. Not `Kamui'. Fuma. And only Fuma.

 

The train slowed as it entered the station and he nudged the boy beside him. “This is our stop.” And he pushed his way to the doors, Fuma following behind. They exited the station and turned right. It was late afternoon, the sun dipping towards the horizon and a cascade of gold was slowly falling over the land.

 

************

 

Fuma stared at his feet as he walked, not daring to look up. He had sat in silence on the train next to this man, waiting for something to be said, blame to be given. But there had been nothing. Now they were walking in silence.

 

“We're here,” Aoki said, stopping.

 

Fuma glanced up then and took note of his surroundings. They were in a cemetery. So this is it, he thought, half in relief. He had just been biding his time, making certain that he would be unobserved when he dealt out justice. It was certainly a fitting place. Fuma bowed his head, waiting for the blow to fall. Let it be over with.

 

***********

 

“You really don't have to be afraid, you know.” Aoki said quietly. He had watched the expressions flash across Fuma's face, and was inwardly horrified that the boy could think such things about himself, Aoki. And more horrified that Fuma would submit to such a thing, would even welcome it! This boy was so young! How could he value his life so little?!

 

At Aoki's words, Fuma's head snapped up, eyes startled. Aoki smiled gently at him. “I didn't bring you here to do anything to you. I don't want to hurt you.”

 

“But I…..” Fuma began and had to pause to swallow hard, to force the words out. “I ….killed….” he couldn't even say the name. He wasn't worthy to even say the name.

 

Aoki's eyes saddened. “Saiki. I know. But,” and he looked Fuma directly in the eyes. “It wasn't you. And a part of you knows that. You had no more control over matters that were occurring than many of us had. In fact, in some ways, you had less control than any of us, including Kamui. At least he still retained his self, his soul, throughout it all. You were stripped away and replaced by the `Kamui' of the Dragons of Earth. In many ways, Fuma,” and he stressed the name seeing the boy start, “you were more of a victim than anyone else.”

 

“But …I….killed,” the boy's voice was no more than a broken whisper, “so…many!” and anguished.

 

Aoki reached out a hand to squeeze one shoulder, feeling it shaking beneath his touch. “I know. But it is time to let go of the past. If you don't, the past will only continue to rule you. It is time to begin to live again, to find meaning again. And it is time to remember those that did perish during this battle. Remember, recognise and respect the things that they died for. Because they believed above all else, that those things were worth dying for.”

 

“Is that true?” Fuma asked, looking pitifully at Aoki, hoping and yet not daring to hope.

 

Aoki smiled warmly. “I firmly believe so. A very dear friend told me that.”

 

“Who?”

 

Aoki retained the smile and nodded downwards towards their feet. Fuma let his eyes drop and read the gravestone there. Karen Kasumi, it said. He looked questioningly at Aoki.

 

Aoki smiled warmly at the name at his feet. “Karen was one of the Dragons of Heaven. She was a firemaster. A very good one.”

 

He looked up at Fuma, seeing the other's eyes go out of focus briefly as though sifting through memories. Then there was a flash of recognition, followed quickly by hurt. Aoki quickly reached out and gripped both shoulders, giving the boy a sharp short shake, to bring him back to the present and to prevent him from being swallowed by the past.

 

“Don't!” he said, more sharply than he intended, but it seemed to do the trick as Fuma's gaze focussed back on his. “Don't blame yourself for something that is not your fault. Karen was preordained to be a Dragon of Heaven. She had her powers from the time she was born. It caused her nothing but grief and hardship when she was a child. She was called a demon, the devil's child. Her mother died when she was very young, so she was on her own after that. She worked in a bathhouse, which is hardly as glamorous as it sounds. That is how we first met.”

 

At the widening of Fuma's eyes, he hurriedly clarified that statement. “I was doing some research for a writer! That's all!” then he had to chuckle to himself. How many times had he had to defend his friendship with Karen? Too many for him to count, but he would never not acknowledge that friendship, for Karen had been, and always would be, a very special person. A very special friend.

 

“However,” he continued, turning his thoughts back to the tall boy standing before him, “through all that hardship she retained her beliefs. Her belief in her faith, in herself, and in her role as a Dragon of Heaven. Nothing….no-one, could take that away from her.”

 

“But it was for…nothing.” Fuma whispered, glancing down at the stone.

 

“It was for everything.” Aoki corrected. Fuma looked up at him as he continued. “Karen believed the most important thing was that if you had to die, to die protecting those that you loved. It doesn't matter what sort of love that is - as a lover, as a friend, as family, it didn't matter. What mattered was that it was for love, that you loved someone or something more than your own life, that you were willing to sacrifice everything for that love. That is what was important. Karen truly believed that. And Saiki felt the same. He had decided when he was quite young who would be the person that was worth more to him than anything else.

 

And so did…Kamui.”

 

Aoki felt the jerk through the body beneath his hands, the sharp painful intake of breath, the flash of pain in the eyes. So, he had been right in his guess. This boy…Fuma… had felt the same for Kamui, as the younger boy had for him. All that wishing by Kamui, that burning desire to bring Fuma back that had driven him more than any talk of destiny or fate or salvation, all that had been reciprocated in his counter part. It should have been a happy ending, Aoki thought sadly. They should have come together at the end and helped each other heal. Instead Fuma has been left on his own , never being able to show Kamui that he, too, had wanted the same thing.

 

Fate was sometimes just far too cruel - especially to these children.

 

“Kamui wanted so much for you, Fuma,” he said gently. “He desperately wanted you back. He was so positive that he could do it, that you were still `you'. Somewhere inside. The rest of us weren't so sure but Kamui never doubted, not for one moment. He swore to give up everything to bring you back, to save you. He wanted to make certain that when he brought you back, that there was a world for you to live in. A world full of promises, of hope, of love.”

 

Fuma's shoulders continued to shake, hand clenched at his sides in fists, as he struggled to hold his emotions inside and failing.

 

The intense pain radiating from the boy's body broke Aoki's heart. He automatically reached out to clasp the shaking body to his chest, feeling the shaking running through the limbs, the silent sobs. Fuma's head fell to his shoulder, and he could feel the tears soaking through his jacket to touch the shirt and then skin beneath. It reminded him of the times he would comfort Saiki, and it did not seem surprising or wrong that he now found himself doing the same for the boy who had cut short Saiki's young life.

 

“Fuma,” he murmured, stroking the hair. “This world is now alive and open to all the possibilities that it can hold for you. And that is what Kamui gave to you. It was his gift to you, given with all his heart. So it is time to look to that future, and find what is waiting for you as Kamui wished for you always.”

 

Fuma was now crying audibly, and Aoki felt his arms come up to grip his back, cling to him, and it reminded him of how his young daughter would hold him when she was hurting or so afraid. The grip of a child, for this boy Fuma, was still only a child in so many ways. And a child that desperately needed comforting and support to help them through the times that threatened to break them.

 

“Hold on, Fuma. And remember - I will always be there for you.”

 

And Fuma cried.