Xenosaga Fan Fiction ❯ Battered and Broken ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Xenosaga.

Warnings: Dark chapter. Self-harm and lots of angst. chaos torture. Don't like, don't read.

Enjoy.

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Things had been going so well. Canaan couldn't think of any reason for things to start deteriorating.

He had thought that chaos was improving, that the boy was finally starting to heal.

He had been wrong this whole time.

chaos had hidden behind one of his well-placed masks, keeping even Canaan, who knew him so well, in the dark.

The boy had been hurting. More than Canaan had even realized. Now chaos had reverted back to his broken-doll state. He wouldn't even talk to Canaan. He was semi-catatonic and his mental state was deteriorating quickly.

Canaan had found the boy digging his nails into his own flesh, sending rivulets of blood down his arms. Abby was mewing at the foot of the bed, knowing that something was wrong, but too small to get up on the bed and see chaos. chaos acted like he didn't hear Abby, or Canaan's frantic yelling at him to stop. He'd only kept up his actions, spilling more of the crimson fluid. Canaan had finally grabbed the boy's wrists and pinned him down, while chaos thrashed beneath him, frantically trying to get away. Tears had been flowing down the boy's face.

What scared Canaan most of all was that chaos didn't seem to recognize him.

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Now the boy Canaan had tried so hard to save and heal was lying in a drugged semi-comatose state in a mental ward. Doctors had explained that chaos had been bottling up all the emotions from the trauma of his time as a captive of U-TIC. This had caused a severe overload of his mind, which had put him in this state.

“I cannot tell you how long he will be like this,” one doctor said. “But he will have to remain here, where we can monitor his condition and keep this from happening again. I cannot allow him to go home in this condition; you do realize that, don't you?”

Canaan had sadly agreed. This time it was out of his league what he could do. It hurt that chaos had regressed into his mind so far that he didn't know Canaan anymore. It hurt a lot. He could only watch as the boy was taken into a special room, where he could be isolated and kept from hurting himself further. His arms were bandaged and he was kept on drugs that kept him from pretty much doing anything. He just sat there listlessly, his sightless eyes staring at nothing.

“He may also be dealing with guilt. He may feel guilty about not being able to take care of himself, and he may blame himself for everything that's happened to him, whether it's been his fault or not.”

“What will happen…if he doesn't improve?” Canaan asked softly.

“That's not something I can say for sure at this point. He may continue on in the state he is in, or his body may shut down. It's anyone's guess at this point what he will do.”

Canaan was silent as he watched the door shut to chaos' room.

“Please do what you can,” he said finally. “I couldn't save him in the end…”

“Canaan-san, if you hadn't done what you did for him, he would probably be dead now,” the doctor replied. “It isn't your fault that this happened. We see this a lot with patients who have gone through the same or similar situations like chaos-kun.”

Canaan didn't want to be in that place anymore. Thanking the doctor and casting one last glance at the door to chaos' room, Canaan turned and left.

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I'm all alone….

Living in this nightmare….

There isn't an escape….

I'm trapped….

Reliving this over and over….

Someone….

Help me…..

Please….

I'm scared….

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Abby mewled up at Canaan as he stepped through the front door. He shut the door, hung up his coat, tossed his keys on the small table near the door and picked up the kitten.

“It's just going to be us two for a while,” he murmured softly. “chaos….won't be here for a long time….”

The kitten mewled and licked his cheek, purring softly as she tried to comfort him.

The Realian smiled softly and headed to the kitchen to fix dinner for him and the little bundle of fur.

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The doctor sighed as she wrote down her observations on chaos. She felt bad for him, hearing from Canaan what had happened to him. This wasn't a new thing for her; she had dealt with many released/rescued prisoners before. However, chaos was by far one of the worst cases she had seen. She felt sorry for Canaan, who had tried so hard to help chaos after his rescue.

chaos had yet to move or acknowledge anyone's presence. He continued to be listless and unresponsive, his sightless eyes continuing to stare at nothing. Occasionally, a tear would roll down a cheek. She wondered what he was seeing in his mind that kept him this closed up. She was afraid for the boy, very much afraid for his sanity. She only hoped that the boy would eventually start to come around and speak. Then the true healing could begin as he went through counseling and therapy to repair his fragile and shattered mind.

But that would only happen if the boy's mental state improved.

The drug dosage wasn't enough to put someone in the state he was in. It was only to keep him just slightly out-of-it, so he wouldn't try to harm himself again.

She only hoped that he would exit his nightmare soon so that she could help him.

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The apartment felt cold and lonely that night as Canaan lay awake in their bed. Abby was curled up next to him, purring softly in her sleep. The little kitten was trying so hard to help Canaan.

He sighed, closing his eyes and going into the Realian version of sleep. He'd already backed up his files and data; there wasn't a need tonight to sleep in his maintenance bed.

Please chaos….

Please get better….

I miss you….

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End of chapter.

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