Xenosaga Fan Fiction ❯ If Only... ❯ Canaan ( Chapter 1 )

Disclaimer: I do not own Xenosaga.

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR A PART OF EPISODE III!!! SPOILERS FOR A PART OF EPISODE III!!! Oh, there's angst as well.

Notes: This is a two-shot. First part is from Canaan's point of view, the second is from chaos' point of view.

Enjoy!

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I'm sorry.

I have to know, have to do this. I don't want to see anyone die because of me. I'm a traitor, I know this. I don't want to keep existing if it means I'm going to hurt you in the end.

I especially don't want to hurt you.

Not after all that you've done for me.

How long has it been since we met?

Since I found out more about you than anyone else knows?

Since you confided in me all your secrets?

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to hurt you.

But I have to do this; I have to keep you safe. You and the others.

If I don't do this I'll end up betraying you further.

I don't think I could take it if I hurt you.

Not after all we've been through.

Can you forgive me, for doing this?

I know you're watching me from inside the E.S. You're probably staring at this in shock, unable to believe what's going on.

I just wish I could see you one last time before I disappear.

My body is starting to feel comfortingly numb.

I'm feeling so tired now.

I just want….

…to sleep for a while.

Goodbye…

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Why is it now, when I am dying that I remember this?

I was standing by the E.S. deep in thought when you appeared and walked towards me.

“Canaan, we have to move out right away. What is it? Are you checking something out?”

“chaos, have you ever wondered why you exist?

“One's reason for existing. That's a difficult question. I'd like to think it's for the people I care about. For everyone, but my existence doesn't necessarily mean people will be happy.”

You looked sad as you said this.

“Yes. Sometimes just existing can hurt others. chaos, you know, don't you? That I am such an existence.”

“You remember?”

You're eyes were full of surprise, as if you weren't expecting this.

“Yes, with the information on Program Canaan…and all this data, there's no way I wouldn't remember.”

“Codename “Lactis.””

“Yes. That's my reason for existence.”

“But you didn't desire that. It's not by your own will. You're not responsible.”

How many expressions would I see flitter across your face in these few, precious moments? You seemed angry then.

“Even if it's all happening in my subconscious, it's still my responsibility. I was created for that purpose. To reject Program Canaan is to reject my own existence.”

“You could hide who you are and continue to live, but that's not the answer you seek, is it?”

Again, sadness overcame your face.

“Correct. I cannot deny myself. I am a Realian. The only one who can give me a reason to exist is the person who created me. chaos, if only that had been you. What should I do now?”

I was lost and confused.

“Canaan…”

Then you came to me and hugged me tightly. We didn't say anything more, just standing there in the silence of the hanger.

Who would've thought that'd be the last time I'd see you?

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End part one of two-shot.

Review please and no flames!