XXXHolic Fan Fiction ❯ Change of Heart? ❯ One-Shot

Change of Heart?

xxxHOLIC

Doumeki/Watanuki

NC 17

Warnings: just plain old smutty m/m action, nothing special

general, romance, PWP

Disclaimer: I don't own xxxHOLIC, it belongs to the almighty CLAMP. This is a non-profit work of fan fiction that has no legal ties to the original whatsoever. This is just for my - and maybe some other people's - amusement.

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I hate him. I really, REALLY hate him.

I've hated him ever since we met. I can't explain it, it's just that his whole existence upon the surface of this earth bugs me. ( Plus there's his rotten attitude that just couldn't get any worse, and the fact that the love of my life is in dangerously friendly terms with him. GAAH. )

Yeah, in short, I hate him. And STILL...

"Here's your bento." I dropped the box - carefully, though - beside his feet. Only then did he look up. He'd been dozing off, apparently, and now lazily unwrapped his lunch, the lunch I had prepared for him.

For a moment he silently poked around the box and then lifted his gaze to meet mine again. "Where are the sweet-flavoured onigiri?"

"I told you, I don't take orders!" I grunted, sat down next to him and leaned my back against the wall, trying to restrain myself from going into full rage. If I could have just eaten my own lunch elsewhere... But it had turned out way too embarrassing to be searched out by Doumeki and getting the empty box along with him announcing his next orders. I'd resigned to avoid as much rumours as I could by retrieving the bento box right after he'd finished with it. "And hasn't your arm already healed? You CAN do your own bento, right?"

"It's still stinging a bit", the bastard replied between mouthfuls. I cringed and opened my own lunch box. As I lifted the chopsticks to my lips I turned my gaze to the sky that was shining in brilliant aquamarine above us. At least the weather was great...

We were sitting behind the gymnasium, on the sunny side. For some reason the place was nearly always deserted so we'd reserved it for ourselves as a lunch spot. Himawari-chan often came over to hang out as well but that day she seemed to have decided to dine with her girlfriends. Despite the fine weather I let out a deep sigh and clammed down on my chopsticks.

Doumeki finished his dish in fair time and then laid the box neatly beside him. For a while he just stared into the distance in his normal half-awake state, then he glanced at me again. "So. No new jobs from Yuuko-san?"

"Hmm? No, luckily", I answered and dipped a shrimp in sweet sauce. "Wouldn't fancy another screw-up assignment with you."

"Well I can I see how falling off a roof would please you more."

I bit down my lip but couldn't help but blush. Dammit, of course he had to bring that up, didn't he? Well, yeah, he'd saved my life and gotten his arm hurt but that only meant that now I had to make him bentos so, so... Was he waiting me to say thank you for it? But before I could retort in any way, he suddenly asked me: "Have you been seeing many spirits lately?"

"Huh?" The question came so out of the blue that I could only stare at him for a few seconds. "... No, not that much lately, actually."

"Good, then." Doumeki's voice was expressionless as always as he turned his gaze back to the sky above and leaned back. "I guess Yuuko-san was right then."

"About what?"

"That I help scare them away."

And again I felt like growling. Right, of course he had to take credit for that, too? I bit down on the shrimp and crunched it between my teeth. It didn't make me feel any better to know that he was probably right. Even if I could see spirits somewhat too much to my liking, there was nothing I could do about it. I didn't have any other powers besides my cursed ability. Doumeki, on the other hand, came from a family of priests and exorcists, so even if he couldn't see them, he could drive spirits away somewhat efficiently. Of course, not having to see dead people and angered kami behind every corner did make my life easier, but the fact that I owed my peace to Doumeki was just too infuriating.

"It seems pretty awful to be able to sense ghosts."

I jerked at the recollection. Why did that thought have to appear in my mind right now? That one sentence seemed to be the only nice thing he'd ever said to me, that must have been why. Dammit. Stop thinking about it, Watanuki. I put some effort into my eating and found out I'd really outdone myself with the bento. The shrimps were really good.

"You didn't make me those." I glared at Doumeki's face which was now looming over my shoulder. "Well, you didn't ask for them, did you? Not that I take orders, anyhow", I added to prove my point.

"Can I have one?" Talking to him was like holding a discussion with a brick wall. I snatched the last shrimp between my chopsticks, dipped it carefully in the sauce again, and finally chirped: "No." Then I dropped the last piece of gourmet in my mouth and grinned the best I could.

Doumeki's face stayed as blank as usual, and disappointed at the lack of reaction I tried to shove him away. "Mow bho away, youww bhot youww wunchww awwwdi-"

I don't know what happened in between. Suddenly I just realized that from poking Doumeki away I'd ended up being face snatched between two hands and Doumeki's mouth on mine, lips pressed tightly against his and his tongue gradually exploring inside my mouth. In an instant I was completely frozen, like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck.

What the... I should have pulled away, I should have killed him there on the spot for the humiliation. But all I could do was just be there, completely at Doumeki's mercy as he took in the taste of my mouth. The tip of his tongue brushed the back of my teeth and I took a sharp breath. My eyes fell shut.

Then as suddenly as he'd plunged in Doumeki broke the kiss and leaned back on his heels, leaving me to feel as if I'd just swam across a small ocean.

"Make me those next time, okay? See ya." And with that he got up, grabbed his bag and walked away.

I was left watching, panting as I tried to level my breathing. Then, as the incident fully settled into my brain and started to process itself, my face turned from red to boiling.

"SHIZUKA DOUMEKI!! I HAAAAAATE YOUUUUU!!!"

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Shit. Shit. Shiiiiiit shit shit shit shit shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

I'm known to be an efficient cleaning lady. But from the way my broom made its way across the floor of the shop that afternoon I might as well have been a Tasmanian devil. Maru and Moro could only stare in stunned silence as I swept and cussed and stomped my feet and then cussed some more as I found a nest of dust cuddled in a corner I'd just swept. I must have had "WARNING: housekeeper on a rampage" tattooed on my forehead. Not that I cared at the moment as all I could think of was Doumeki and the different ways I was going to kill him with the next time I laid eyes on him.

The bastard, doing that to me. I bet it was only to humiliate me... Dammit, if he wanted shrimps that much he could do them for himself, there was now way I'd ever make him another bento. Might as well starve to death - note to self, method # 78 - the jerk... The fact that the taste of sweet sauce was still lingering on my tongue didn't do much to improve my mood.

"Goddammit!" I raised my broom to a strike as I noticed another dust colony in the hallway, but before I could land the deadly blow my weapon was grabbed from my hands. I turned to face the intruder and met eyes with Yuuko-san, who looked like she was at the end of her patience.

"Watanuki", she sighed hand on her hip, "I think it's best you go home now. While my store is still intact."

"What? But I haven't even finished half of the work I was planning on!"

"And you won't with that steam of yours." Yuuko sighed again and scratched the back of her neck with a gloved hand as she passed me on the corridor. "Man, I understand that you're upset and all, but all this because of one kiss... Kids these days are so sensitive."

I might have won the most beautiful shade of red competition with my complexion. "W-WHAT?! How the hell do you know about it?!"

Yuuko-san turned theatrically to show off her profile. She tilted her chin with her index finger. "One - maybe the fact that I'm a psychic has something to do with it. Two - if it was Himawari-chan you'd be in the mental state of an ameba instead of a wild bull. And three - you may not have noticed but you've been repeating the phrase "that bastard how dare he kiss me like that" for the past hour or two, so that's a sort of a giveaway, my dearest Watanuki." She turned to face me again with her most wolfish grin plastered across her face. "So, was it GOOD?"

"NO, IT WASN'T!"

"Really? I would have thought that Doumeki-kun would have some expertise in that area." Yuuko-san presented her long, delicate pipe from somewhere and lit it. "He's a good-looking young man, that Doumeki of yours. You could do much worse."

"No, he's not! And he's not MY Doumeki! God", I pulled my scarf off of my head and started to untie my apron, a task somewhat difficult if one's hands are shaking. "He's a bastard who just wants to torment and humiliate me as much as he can!"

"Now now, Watanuki. He always struck me as such a nice boy", Yuuko-san breathed out a cloud of scented tobacco and grinned at me again. "It's not like this should come to you as such a big surprise. The fortune-teller did say that you would be spending more time with him. Maybe this is what she saw."

My jaw dropped from sheer horror. A bad omen was starting creep up on me. "N-n-n-n-NO, you're just plain WRONG about that. I mean, it's not like Doumeki was serious, right? It was joke. A very BAD one, though I've always thought that he had a bad sense of humour and all, and-"

I was interrupted as Yuuko-san closed the distance between us and placed one gloved finger upon my lips. She seemed even more amused than usual, if that is even possible, as she laid before me my greatest fear:

"Watanuki... Haven't you really even considered the possibility that he might actually LIKE you?"

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As I stepped outside the walls of Yuuko-san's shop I felt as if I'd been run over by a train. I could barely waddle onward, the words of my employer ringing in my ears.

"... that he might actually like you?"

I shook my head furiously. No. No way. There was absolutely zero possibility that Doumeki might really, like he could actually... I couldn't even voice the thought in my own mind! The bottom line was still that Doumeki was a major class jerk, and he would always remain as such. I hated him and he hated me, or at least, I thought he did... I tossed my hair, aggravated. Everything had suddenly turned so complicated.

"It seems pretty awful to be able to sense ghosts."

Well... Actually Doumeki had never said that he hated me, or even that he disliked me. Plus he hadn't even complained on having to cover my back in the whole spirit business. Actually the only one bitching and moaning had been me. Doubt was creeping up on me. But then again he had never gone out of his way to be nice to me either. And Doumeki WAS the most annoying person on earth - or at least the most annoying after Yuuko-san...

I stopped to lean my forehead against a wall and sighed. "What the hell am I supposed to do?" I nodded to lightly tap my head against the concrete.

"Yo. Watanuki."

I jerked and the next thing I saw was stars in the colours of a rainbow dancing against my eyelids. "... ah... shit..." Suddenly I lost my balance and bumped into something - someone. A hand took a hold of my shoulder. "You okay?"

I glanced upwards and through the fading blackness saw Doumeki's non-expressive face. I could feel the beginnings of a blush and awkwardly detached myself from him. "Fine. Excuse me." I slipped past him and tried to get on my way, but he just turned and followed me behind my shoulder.

"Shouldn't you be working? I was going to check out Yuuko-san's place."

"Got off early", I grunted and stomped onwards, not daring to glance at his way. "Don't you have some archery business on Fridays?" PLEASE just go away.

"My arm's still injured, remember?" Doumeki strutted so that we were walking side by side now. I was desperately trying not to break into a run. Jesus, what's with him? He's not- NO Watanuki don't even go there, now-

"Watanuki."

I jumped out of my skin. The tone he'd used... what was with that? "What?!" I could feel my heart beating against my ribs as I finally stared at him. In the rhythm I could again hear Yuuko-san's words repeating... likes you... likes you...

We'd paused on a quiet patch of the street. There was a wall surrounding a public garden on the other side and the road on the other. There were no other pedestrians around. Doumeki leaned so that his back made out wavy S.

"Is something bothering you? You're even more tense than usual."

I stared at him, all the romantic pre-jitters gone. And I snapped.

"Bothering me? IS SOMETHING BOTHERING ME? You... You humiliate me by doing something like kissing me and ask if something's BOTHERING ME?! Gods, I was right! I KNEW you were just a bastard! Oh, I'm so relieved, you're just an asshole after all..." I leaned against the wall and I couldn't wait to see Yuuko-san's face when I got to tell her that for ONCE I had been right about something. "There's still logic in the world..."

Doumeki, being to true to his nature, had stayed quiet during my whole revelation, but as I nearly kneeled to praise all gods who happened to be present he suddenly stepped closer to me. "Kiss? What was that about a kiss?"

I turned to glare at him once again, this time with full loathing. "What do you mean, what's this? At lunch, when you pulled that stunt with my bento. When you..." Suddenly the experience came all too clearly back to me as I stared at Doumeki's approaching figure. Not what had happened, but how it had actually felt. "... well, you know." I thanked the falling darkness from covering my face in shadows. "Anyhow, the world is on its course. You hate me, I hate you, so let's just forget the whole thing and-"

And suddenly I realized how big of a mistake I had made by letting myself be caught between Doumeki and the wall behind me. Somewhat effortlessly he had me pinned against his weight and for the second time that day all I could do was stare at him with wide eyes and a muddled brain. Doumeki's face was only inches away from mine, and when he spoke again, I could feel his breath playing against my skin.

"Oh, that. That was no kiss." He tilted my chin as he spoke. "This is."

And with that his lips were again upon mine, and this time they had no excuse; they were clearly tasting me, nibbling softly, nudging at the corners, urging further access. Since I hadn't been any more prepared for this second assault, I was as dazed as I had been against the earlier one, except that this time I could feel it, my whole body giving in. When Doumeki's tongue invaded my mouth again I realized that the taste lingering on my own hadn't been just the food, it had been very purely Doumeki. To my horror I found myself suppressing a moan. I tried to push him away but Doumeki firmly caught my arm and pinned it to the wall next to my head. And when he began to suck my lower lip I couldn't help it anymore and let a small whimper. "Uhn..."

"See? That was a kiss", Doumeki whispered against my lips. "Here's another to prove my point."

"Dou-" That was as far as I got, and after a short resistance I had to give up any further attempts to stop him. And due time I gradually lost the will to even try. Doumeki took off my glasses and moved on to my forehead, my eyelids... His teeth made gentle acquaintance with my ears and neck and all I could was whine when he reached my collarbone. His hands were taking good care of unbuttoning my school jacket and shirt. The coolness of his fingertips made me shiver when they reached my heated skin, and as they worked their way around my chest I became painfully aware of a growing problem in my lower body. I grabbed Doumeki by the wrists just as he began to play with the waistband of my pants.

"No", I panted, trying to dodge his lips.

"I'm not going to stop." It seemed that Doumeki was as stubborn as ever when it came to games like these.

"No... not here, we're in the middle of the street! We might get arrested, for cryin' out loud!" I had my hands full in restraining his attempts to free my hips from decent clothing. Doumeki leaned so that he could face me properly. "So what do you suggest? Your place? My place? I'd say waking our folks would not be a good idea."

"No, you're right, but... not here..." His hands snatched free and pinned mine against the wall again. For a moment I feared he might just do as he liked and wondered how embarrassing would it be to yell "rape" right there and then, but it seemed that Doumeki was just trying to think. After a while he just said: "Fine, I know a place. Come on." He pulled me away from the wall and started to walk away until he realized I was not exactly in a walking state, came back and half-supported, half-dragged me along.

All this time, all I could think was:

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING?

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In the darkness all you could hear was the rushing of leaves as cool night winds brushed against the treetops. The building in front of us was surrounded by untamed cherry and plum trees. I felt chills go down my spine as I looked at it.

"It's a shrine."

"An abandoned one, it was last used about five years ago. Come on." Doumeki pulled me along and started climbing up the stairs.

"It's still a shrine! We can't go... do something like this in there! What about the wrath of god or-" My mouth was clammed shut. As Doumeki leaned closer to my face his stare felt as if it could drill a hole through my skull.

"Look. Since the street wasn't good enough for you, this will have to do. Be a woman and bitch about it, but we're having sex and there is nothing you can do about it. Understood? Then let's go." Doumeki removed his hand and continued to climb.

"You sure know your sweet talk", I grunted, slightly put off by his straightforward rape threat. During the short walk from the road to the shrine my head had cooled off a little and I was having second thoughts. Honestly, what was I thinking? This was Doumeki, my arch rival in life and death! Just because the guy could kiss didn't mean I needed to have sex with him within fifteen minutes of that epiphany. The thought of running away was starting to feel appealing. But...

We stepped into the shrine hall. Just as Doumeki had said, it had to be abandoned. The floors were covered in dust and leaves everywhere where there was no breeze to brush them off. Sans any valuable decor and the scent of incense, though, with a little clean-up it could have been ready to be used in a few days. In a detached state of mind I calculated how much time would it take to scrub the whole interior when Doumeki abruptly brought me back to earth. Or maybe a feet above it. Suddenly I was again all too eager to leave thinking aside and just let Doumeki's hands do as they wished. As we made it to the floor I awkwardly began to respond to his kisses. He seemed to appreciate the effort, at least.

I couldn't think. I didn't want to think. Thoughts like doing it in a shrine, doing it with Doumeki faded away as he lowered me to the floor. Even the fleeting thought of whether Doumeki had done this with someone else before disappeared as I indulged in his touch and kisses. He finally got rid of my pants and my own hands tugged off his shirt and dug themselves into his short hair. When his fingers first came in contact with my thighs I shivered again but not from cold. His palm closed around me and in an instant I felt both exhilarated and thoroughly mortified. Doumeki silenced me with his lips as he began to stroke, but that didn't stop sharp whines from escaping my throat. I gripped his shoulders tightly.

Soon even the comfort of his lips was gone, and as he brought them back upon my skin all I could do was bite down hard and try not to moan. "Dou... Doume... ki..." The warmth and moistness of his mouth which had teased me before were now unbearable. I panted and whined and I tried to endure, but eventually it became too much. I let out a muffled howl and then just lay there on the floor, gasping, having just experienced the most humiliating moment of my life, and my body could only hum from satisfaction. When Doumeki brought his face to level mine I didn't hesitate but kissed him, and he kissed me back, parting my legs with his knee.

His hand wandered lower again, this time past my thighs, searching. All he said was: "This is gonna hurt", and then I was in so much pain that I had to bite down on Doumeki's shoulder so I wouldn't scream. He told me to relax - which was fairly easy for him to say - and I tried to obey. Doumeki kept me busy with his lips, and as his fingers dug in deeper the pain reduced as well. After a while I felt him suddenly graze a certain spot inside of me and dug my nails into his skin. "Does it hurt?" His voice was hoarse in my ears.

"No... don't stop..." And I didn't even try to bite down any moans that escaped my lips. Doumeki's fingers inside of me were tuning me like a harp. I had never felt so weak in my life. "Do..."

Then he carefully removed the fingers, leaving me indecently wanting for more, and lifted my legs on his shoulders. "Ready?" I nodded, bracing myself.

It didn't hurt, but it might as well have. I was pierced by something that I couldn't define - pleasure? lust? - and I cling to Doumeki for dear life. He was forceful but not rough, and as I adapted to his rhythm everything else faded away. There was only Doumeki's breath playing in my ears, his body melding into mine and pleasure, all scattered across my skin, lips and fingertips. Blood rushed in my body and to my ears it sounded like waves crashing against the rocks. The sound was growing louder. "Doumeki... I think... I... haa..."

He grabbed a firmer hold of my waist, and grinded into me harder until I gave in and came. I felt him do the same inside of me as my skin prickled from the afterglow. Doumeki dug his head in the nape of my neck, panting as heavily as I was. We stayed that way for a while, neither of us really wanting to move. It was harmony as I'd never experienced it before.

Finally Doumeki slid off of me and curled on the floor next to me. The cold air surprised me, even though I was still wearing my school shirt and jacket. I turned to face Doumeki and hesitantly cradled into his lap again. It was only because of the chill, though.

From the way he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer, I guess he didn't mind the warmth either.

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I was trying my best to look decent, but even if my pants had been spared my shirts were somewhat soaked, mainly from sweat at least. For once it was a good thing that I washed my own clothes separately at home. Doumeki seemed less worried about such things as he got dressed, having to only reclaim his shirt.

I had tried to keep myself occupied by the trivial problems of my clothing but finally I had to face him. He was leaning on the doorframe, listening to the leaves rustling outside. I cleared my throat but could only come up with: "So... uh..."

He turned to face me as nonchalant as usual. "So?" Why did he have to be such a dimwit?

"Well, I mean... Now that we've... And... You know, so... What are we going to do now?" I managed to splutter as my gaze wandered around everywhere except Doumeki's face. I was SO not going to ask him whether he thought that we were now dating or something. A man had to keep some dignity, even after something like this.

I dared a glance to see Doumeki's blank stare directed at me and I felt like giving up. How could anybody be this dense?!

"I like you." I looked up properly, our eyes meeting fairly across the room. There was no change in Doumeki's expression as he continued: "So, I think I would like to spend more time with you. And since you didn't seem to hate it I'd like to do this with you again, too."

I felt myself blush all over. God, he was frank all of a sudden. What was I supposed to say to that? I tried to clear my throat again. "Well I didn't hate it... just..."

"And I'd like you to keep doing my bento, too."

I growled at him. A creepy idea struck me. Had he done all this to have a good meal at lunch time?! But it passed as I saw an uncharacteristic smile tugging at his lips. I sighed. "... fine. But you're gonna have to start paying me for it, soon. Food doesn't grow in trees."

"Yes it does."

I glared at him. "Don't take everything so literally." I had walked across the floor to him, and now Doumeki took hold of my hand, squeezing gently. Then he turned and made me follow him down the steps.

"C'mon, it's getting cold out here."

I looked down at the hand I held in my own.

"... yeah."

-owari-

A/N: Was compelled to write smut about these two because they SO ARE. :D I'll eventually get over the fact that I wrote NC 17 about Clamp property, I think.

I hope this didn't come out too sweet again. *sighs* I just can't help being a fluff person. R&R!