Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction / Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ Then came an angel ❯ Random Comedy Insert #4 ( Chapter 20 )

*Static Noises*

 

Once again, Sapadu cannot provide you with an actual chapter on time- and since the next chapter is going to be extremely depressing, dark, gory and full of death, we at the management decided to give you some comic relief in the meantime.

 

Comedy Insert # 4 AKA: Samantha spends a day in a Kaiba Corp elavator and pulls random shit on unsuspecting peoples.

 

7:15 am- Kaiba goes up to his office on the top floor. Samantha gets in with him, ignoring the glares he shoots at her.

 

Samantha leans over and taps him on the other shoulder.

 

Kaiba looks at her.

 

"What was that for?"

 

"Eh?" Innocent!Sammy face.

 

Kaiba is glad to get off at the top floor.

 

1) When there's only one other person in the elvator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

 

7:30- Mokuba takes elavator down to kitchen for breakfast (Suspecting the bedrooms for the two Kaiba bros. Are probably up on the top floors, too.)

 

Blinks groggily at Samantha, who is wide awake and perky for such an ungodly hour of the morning.

 

"How do you DO that?"

 

Sammy presses a button, as her hair stands on end and she scurries away as though she's been shocked. Gets up, brushes herself off, grins, then presses button again.

 

"I'm guessing it's in the Espresso..." Mokuba looks disgusted.

 

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

 

8:00 am- Staff meeting with Mr. Kaiba. All get in elavator.

 

"Hello, everyone! May I push the buttons for you?" All blink, then all say,

 

"Top Floor, please."

 

"What, you gentlemen want to go to the fourth floor? And the maid wants to go to floor 16? And the two in the suits want to tour the basement? Alrighty then!"

 

Sammy pushes all the wrong buttons. The people look ready to murder her.

 

3) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

 

8:05 am- Still in an elavator with the angry staff of Kaiba Corp., Sammy pulls out her phone.

 

Dials.

 

"Hello, Psychic Hotline? Is this Miss Cleo? Good! I'm in an elevator. What floor am I on?"

 

4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

 

8:15 am- All employees get off the elevator at the 16th floor, deciding to take the stairs.

 

New batch gets on. Samantha holds the door open.

 

"Sorry for the wait, but I'm waiting for a friend of mine."

 

All seem to understand.

 

Five minutes pass.

 

Sammy lets doors close.

 

"Hiya Mike! How's your day been?"

 

Employees congregate to make a straightjacket from bits of material they have to spare on them.

 

5) Hold the doors open and say your saiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

 

8:25 am- Employees get off at the top floor and three of the old group get on (foolishly)

 

Wait.

 

Samantha drops a pen on the floor. One of the men in a suit raise an eyebrow and bend over to pick it up for her.

 

Sammy shouts.

 

"THAT'S MINE!"

 

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

 

8:27 am- Men get off at the next floor. Sammy grins brightly as a bunch of the cleaning staff get on with a two game experts.

 

There's suddenly a camera around her neck on a lanyard.

 

"Say Cheese!" She gets up close to everyone's face until their noses are pressed against the camera lens and takes bright flashes of pictures.

 

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

 

8:40 am- Sammy is now in the elevator with a big mahogany desk, complete with lamp, laptop, and pencil holder.

 

Elevator doors open to reveal...

 

Tatsumi Seiichiro.

 

"Sapadu-san... I MUST draw a line here..."

 

Sammy squints at him.

 

"Do you have an appointment, Tatsumi-san?"

 

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.

 

8:45 am- Bottom floor. Five executives are waiting on first floor (Lets say its the Big Five, for our purposes) and going up for a 9:00 meeting with Mr. Kaiba.

 

Doors open, Sammy stands there with a Twister game.

 

She lays the mat down as they enter.

 

"WHO WANTS TO BE THE SPINNER?!" They blinked.

 

As the game proceeded, Samantha mangaged, with her ability to take off portions of her limbs and still control their movement, won every single round, while simultaneously curling around the other three players.

 

"What if we surrender?"

 

"I'll suck your blood. If you loose, I'll let you out at the top floor." Samantha grinned, evilly.

 

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

 

8:32 am- The Big Five left in quite a hurry, but soon, a departing buisiness associate got on.

 

There was absolutely nothing odd in this elevator, except a cardboard box in the corner, which he assumed was property of the woman standing on the floor.

 

He got on, unsuspecting.

 

Halfway down, Sammy leaned in and whispered into his ear,

 

"Do you hear something ticking?"

 

He got off in a hurry.

 

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

 

9:15 am- Designers, engineers, and some late managers get into the elevator.

 

Waiting for them is a girl in an iron-pressed uniform, with a cap and high-heeled shoes.

 

"Hello, welcome to the Kaiba Corp. management building! Please take your seat and pay attention as your attendant goes over the instructions and emergency escape procedures." She said in a sweet voice.

 

They foolishly got on.

 

"Notice the little square box with a phone on it's cover- this is the phone system, only to be used in case the elevator comes to a complete stop in mid- rise or descent." Samantha pointed to the box.

 

"The floor is grated and made of hard durasteel for your discomfort. In case of foot pain or leg tiredness during the ride, feel free to sit on the floor until either your hindquarters have the waffle iron print on them, or your injury recovered, whichever is more amusing to the other riders.

 

"In case of a crash, there is absolutely nothing you can do except grip the railings with all of your strength, and then jump up just as the impact comes. Should anyone feel the need to panic, call your flight attendent and she will gladly call you your preferred choice of term for 'Frightened' Today, we have 'Wimp', 'Weakling', 'Crybaby', 'Wuss', 'Fraidy Cat', 'Chicken', and 'You Big Whiner' in stock.

 

"If the doors come open at any time during the trip, it is your every right to attempt to jump out and hope you get a floor, but we wouldn't recommend it, as it is more likely you'll hit a wall and you may just be insured and thus, your family may sue."

 

Sammy didn't continue. The elevator had stopped and the doors opened.

 

"Thank you for choosing this elevator and enjoy your day in the Kaiba Corp. Offices!"

 

Sammy waved cheerfully, and then sighed with relief- it had taken her five tries to get a full enough elevator for that one.

 

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

 

9:20 am- The single janitor in the building who hadn't fallen victim to Sammy by then climbed on board.

 

As all of his supplies rattled, Sammy asked him,

 

"Did you feel that?"

 

12) Ask, "Did you feel that?"

 

9:30 am- The hourly rounds for cleaning the bathrooms comes, so another janitor steps in, with all the necessary cleaning supplies. With him, three business men step on and stand in the opposite corner.

 

The janitor whispers to Samantha, before she stands next to the business men.

 

She sniffs them, much like a cat or a dog. One man, she wrinkles her nose.

 

The second, she raises an eyebrow.

 

The third, she continues sniffing with a very eerie smile and a hungry look in her eyes.

 

They get off fast and the janitor grins, giving her a thumbs up.

 

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

 

9:45 am- Mokuba going up to see his brother about something that the author can't think of an excuse for.

 

He rolls his eyes as he sees Samantha in the elevator, but gets in.

 

Doors close. Sammy grabs his shoulder.

 

"Don't worry, Kuba-kun: They open again."

 

"Are you this obnoxious on purpose?"

 

"Mokuba, I've heard more creative insults than that today and it isn't even noon."

 

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

 

10:00 am- On the bottom floor, a crowd of people coming in for tours, meetings, etc. wait. Samantha takes the elevator down for them.

 

Elevator is crowded, thus.

 

Sammy makes it even more claustriphobic by waving her arms around frantically.

 

"Nobody move- I think I've got almost all of them."

 

15) Swat at flies that don't exist.

 

10:05 am- Because nobody can get off until the top floor, they're still stuck with Sammy.

 

"Hee hee hee..."

 

Everyone wonders what she's giggling about.

 

"I can see your aura." She tells a random woman. She looks unimpressed.

 

"So... who's aura is it that's lingering around your unmentionables?" She asked, agreeably.

 

The woman gets off at the next stop.

 

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

 

10:30 am- Big Five are finished with their meeting with Mr. Kaiba and walk towards the elevator, hiding until the doors opening and they peer in to see...

 

Le gasp- no Samantha!

 

"Phew... She's not here..." They get in.

 

Sammy drops from the ceiling.

 

"GROUP HUG!"

 

All five of them run from the elevator and make a beeline for the nearest window, throwing themselves out from the top of a fifty-story building.

 

"OKAY! I CAN TAKE A HINT!" Sammy shouts, grumpily.

 

17) Call out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

 

10:45 am- Samantha waits in the elevator.

 

A maid comes in with food for Mr. Kaiba's lunch- he can't be bothered to leave the office.

 

On the way up, Sammy takes out Q-tips.

 

"Shut up, all of you, or I'll poke you with a Q-tip."

 

Maid blinks.

 

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

 

10:49 am- New guy gets inside the elevator, briefcase in his hand.

 

Sammy's eyes light up at the briefcase.

 

Halfway down, she turns to him.

 

"So... does your friend and slash or enemy have enough air in there?"

 

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

 

11:03 am- Sammy is standing in the corner, waiting for someone to get on and ask her what she's doing.

 

11:15 am- Nothing yet. Sammy gets bored and goes on to #21.

 

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

 

11:20 am- Janitorial staff get back on for the long ride down.

 

Sammy standing there waiting.

 

She stares at them for a moment.

 

Gasp.

 

"You're one of THEM!" She hisses. Sammy backs away.

 

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

 

11:45 am- Manager is in elevator taking it down to the offices to check on progress.

 

Sammy sits in the elevator with a hand puppet made out of socks.

 

"'ello. Ma name's Murv. Whats yer name?"

 

The manager blinks

 

"D'yu know what we uster do with frogs in biology class?"

 

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

 

12:00 am- A doctor enters the elevator to discuss the companies health plan with Mr. Kaiba.

 

Sammy has out a toy doctor's set and has the stethoscope out against the wall.

 

She motions to the doctor.

 

"Sensei, could you tell me if this elevator's pulse is off?"

 

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

 

12:00 pm- At last, it's lunch break. Employees race for the elevator.

 

One of them presses the button. The doors open with Samantha going,

 

"BOOOM!"

 

Inside, they all pressed different buttons, for each one, Sammy made a noise.

 

"BANG, PWOOM, KRAKOW, TSEER, POW, KABOOM!"

 

They all got off and pressed the 'Close door' button.

 

"'SPLOSIONS!"

 

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

 

12:30 pm- Kaiba takes a break, to stretch, look away from the computer screen, and take his lunch tray back down and check on how his brother is.

 

Not about to let Sammy know he doesn't want to get in the elevator with her, he walks in without flinching.

 

Sammy bounces on her toes for a moment, grinning madly. He raises an eyebrow.

 

"I have new socks on!"

 

"What is WRONG with you?"

 

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

 

"1:00 pm- All the people come back from their lunch break, crowd into the elevator, and head up to their own floors.

 

Sammy takes out a piece of chalk and draws a circle around her feet. Bumps into elbows, knees, and almost gets stepped on a few times.

 

Finally stands up.

 

"This is MY personal space! No touchies!"

 

The elevator empties, quickly.

 

26) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passnegers, "This is MY personal space!"

 

End of the day- Kaiba gets Samantha up at the top of the tower and meets her, glaring.

 

"YOU!" He says, pointing. Sammy smiles.

 

"ME!" She agrees.

 

"You have been terrorizing my company all day!" Kaiba accuses, "The employees are demanding I call police, investors and the press are camped out outside, waiting to see the crazy lady in the elevator, and most of my associates, including the Big Five have complained about you before throwing themselves out the window!"

 

Samantha looked impressed. Kaiba glared for a moment before wrapping his arms around her shoulders.

 

"You rid me of those bloodsucking leeches! The Blue-Eyes Ultimate Dragon couldn't be more beautiful to me..."

 

Mokuba blinked and Sammy looked horrofied for the first time that day.

 

"Um... Seto...?" The little brother asked.

 

A/N: The next chapter should be up soon, with any luck. Sorry!