Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ My Sanctuary ❯ Finale- Simple Mistakes Is All It Takes ( Chapter 16 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

I've never realized how much one little mistake could effect everything. And not just the usual awkwardness that you receive when recognized as a murder. A simple mistake I had made then was so careless and insignificant then, but now made the biggest deal where I stand.
As expected the police arrived quickly after the demise of Muraki, and bombarded me with questions of my defense. I was just lucky enough they knew Muraki's past crimes of murder and kidnapping, and I got off with self-defense. But I knew very well my life wasn't in much danger, as long as I was Shinigami, I couldn't die twice by mere bullets and cuts. In my eyes I was a murder; Muraki didn't have a chance to even touch me. I made sure of that when I tortured him a much deserved death.
If not for the cops showing up, I won't have realized my simple mistake so soon. They arrived just in time to see the helpless Tsuzuki crying in my arms and me with a mournful expression. I couldn't just sit there embracing him while they watch, so I did what any scared, confused boy would do. I left Tsuzuki's side. Even if just for a little while, it made all the difference.
When I came back from questioning, Tsuzuki was being cared for by the paramedics. He was shivering sadly though a thick blue blanket was wrapped tightly around his shoulders. I supposed they asked him questions of his kidnapping, but I doubt he'd ever tell them about the rape. So I calmly walked over there, receiving the kind eyes of the paramedic, who understood I wanted to speak to him alone, and quietly left.
"Tsuzuki..." I tried to say with as much kindness as I could grasp, though I still wanted to cry.
I saw his whole body tense with a jerk at the sound of my voice. His head dropped a whole four inches as his violet eyes avoid my stern look. And without the slightest mention of not feeling in the mood to talk, Tsuzuki just up and left. Not a word was exchange, not a glace was shared, not even a loving embrace as a parting gift. I didn't know what to say as I watched him walk away. I thought it was just the frightening truth that scared off. I didn't want to blame him for not wanting to talk, after all he had been through so much.
But it became clear that wasn't the case when Tsuzuki completely ignored my whole existence on the plain ride home, which was so kindly provided by the police. No matter what mindless small talk I tried to start he would brush me off with a shrug or a self-reflecting glare. He was defiantly mad at me, but for what? What had I done to scare him away? I had come back for him, rescued him, and as the real me no less. Could it be he still thinks I'm not the real Hisoka? Maybe he's mad because he thinks 'I' didn't come for him.
I suddenly quickly drawn from my line of thought as a serving lady on the small plane accidentally dropped a coffee cup onto the floor, and it shattered into many pieces.
"Are you okay?!" An assistant pilot asked, quickly rushing over to assist her.
"I'm fine." She smiled back politely. "Thanks for asking though."
Then it hit me. My simple and almost unnoticeable mistake; except Tsuzuki was the one to notice it. I had save his life, come back for him, returned after my long absence, and the first thing I say is I fucking kill Muraki. At such a fragile moment there were more important things that needed to be said. Why I had left? How I had missed him and done everything to see him again? And at the very least asked him if he was alright. Through his eyes I must be the most selfish person that ever lived! I abandoned him, and return with words of my trouble, my well-being. Of all the things I could have said, I said that! And then I left so shortly after saying it! No wonder Tsuzuki completely brushed me off, to him, I don't care about anything that has happened! But I do care about him, more than anything in the entire universe!
Finally the words that I wanted to say...the words I should have said to him at that moment. Words that I've been running from, neglecting because I was afraid of its meaning.
I love you, Tsuzuki...
Now I know how saying those words would have made all the difference in the world. And all I want is to explain myself to him. To tell him those simple words with such a huge meaning. I want to confess everything, but do I have the strength...will he even listen to what I have to say?
"I'm so glad your back, Hisoka!" Exclaimed a rather excited Watari. Clapping his hands in cheerfulness he gave me a comforting smile. Though it seemed to creep me out when he was too comforting.
I smiled in return and looked at Tatsumi's face. He hadn't said anything yet, while everyone else was overwhelming me with words of concern and loneliness. I very pleased though, everyone had welcomed me back as if nothing had ever happened.
A party was thrown in celebration of Tsuzuki's and my safe return. All the Shinigami were there, except Tsuzuki. I had a feeling it was another of his successful attempts to avoid me again. But why go through all the trouble of missing everyone else who has missed him? I walked around the crowd office making small talk, but was suddenly jerked out into an empty hallway by a furious brunet with glasses.
I was startled to see such a serious expression on Tatsumi's face. It nearly gave me shivers as I watched those cold eyes glower at me. "What happened when Tsuzuki went to go save you?!" He asked in a very loud whisper.
"Huh?" His question caught me off guard.
"Ever since you came back, he's been different. No one sees him any more, which is very unusual for him." He explains to me, calming down slightly.
I looked away pretending to think, but I was really worried about how I could tell him what happened. I always had a feeling Tatsumi liked Tsuzuki more than a friend or co-worker, and this conversation only heightened my suspicions. And if he did feel something for Tsuzuki how could I just come out and say, 'Tsuzuki got raped by Muraki to save me'. But I had no better explanation...
"Tatsumi...I don't know how to say this because I don't know if Tsuzuki even wants anyone to know." I run off and glace quickly at those furious eyes then shot my stare back to the wall. "...Muraki...he...and...Tsuzuki...well...uh..." I mumbled off without even getting one point across, but some how Tatsumi caught on.
"You let that bastard touch Tsuzuki?!" He bellowed in conclusion, I nod in shame. The very next moment my face went sore as a vengeful fist met with it. I suppose I deserved that, but I'd rather have Tsuzuki punch me, since it was him I had hurt. "You of all people should be protecting him the most." He snapped at me. I stare back with a guilty look. Deciding I had punished myself with thoughts of guilt, he backed away. "I won't forgive you Hisoka, if you hurt him again." And with such a cold statement he left me.
I'd make sure to keep that in mind. The best thing for me to do right now is find him and apologize. It took me some time of asking around, to find out where Tsuzuki was staying. He would never go back to our apartment, knowing I would be there.
I was surprised to find the door to his apartment unlocked as I made my into the suspiciously dark room. I just hoped he wasn't kidnapped again. I traveled my way through an empty hallway, passing several equally empty rooms. He haven't any boxes or belongings which is strange for someone who is moving into a new building. When I finally reached the end of the hall, there was bedroom with its only door closed.
"Tsuzuki..." I whispered pushing it open slightly. The room, much like the rest of the apartment was pitch black and its only light was provided by the setting sun.
When I received no response, I opened the door more and saw a lonely figure sitting on the bed. His back was to me as he faced the window. A large light blue sheet was draped over his head and around his shoulders as he hugged his knees close to his chest. I tip-toed over to him, he acted as if he hadn't heard me.
"Hisoka..." I hear him whisper with a stressed voice, as if any moment now he burst into tears. "You came back?" He asked, which was a even bigger surprise to me. I was expecting to be asked why I left?
"You don't want me back?" I countered with another questioned.
I saw him tense with that question. Quickly he folded his arms around his head, shielding me from his face as I sat down beside him. "I do..." He mumbles. "But it means..." I will have to confess, I finished the thought. "I glad your back..."
"Then what’s the problem?" I asked trying not to sound eager for a reasonable answer.
"I can't help but miss 'you'." My expression sneered in confusion. What is he talking about? Does he mean he kind of missed the other 'Hisoka'? "I was happy when I found out you were safe, though you were living with Muraki. But when I realized you hadn't returned to us on your own I was disappointed. You didn't remember anyone...you didn't remember me. I missed the real you more and more each day...then when 'he' kissed me..." He paused and looked at me for the first time since I saved him. I saw a small blush come over his face. "I was happy...that time and those other times. But I knew it wasn't the real you. My heart kept telling me that...but my mind was satisfied with the new you." A shy tear made its way to his eye and slowly fell. "I liked the new you...so I didn't mind when he kissed me and flirted. Even when-" He hesitated followed by more tears. "he touched me in my sleep. I wasn't really asleep though...so I knew what was going on." I could feel my face turn hot with that confession. I recalled that night, and I hated him for it. Suddenly I am drawn from my thoughts when he embraces me immediately, wrapping his arms around my waist an burring his head into my chest. His tears fell cold as the soaked my shirt. "I like it, Hisoka!" He cried. "I liked it when he loved me...cause I hoped it would be you in the end! I hate myself for that! I wanted to wait for you! So that you could prove it!"
I brush his silky brunet hair and smiled sadly. "I don't blame you for it, Tsuzuki." I whisper to him in a soothing voice.
"I love you, Hisoka!" He yells into my chest, causing my heart to flutter. "I...loved you...before all that...and I still love you now!" He manages to say between rough sorrowful breaths.
My heart bet faster than any other I could recall. My throat went dry and my eyes wetting at the sound of those words.
I fell guilt for what I had done. No matter what I do I end up hurting him. Before this I couldn't even admit to myself I had fallen in love with Tsuzuki. But there were always sighs there, clueing Tsuzuki to wait for me. But I kept him waiting, even then when I disappeared. He had made such huge sacrifices for me, and all I can do in return his give him more pain. The whole thing with Muraki is my fault. If not for me seeing his murder, I wouldn't have become a Shinigami and met Tsuzuki. Tsuzuki wouldn't have face Muraki to help me in my revenge. Tsuzuki wouldn't had sacrificed his life at the very beginning. He wouldn't have been kidnapped and raped. He wouldn't be suffering like this. It was all my fault.
"I'm sorry Tsuzuki..." I murmured, pulling him closer in the embrace. His eyes widened in result. "I love you..." Burring my head in his hair I gave a fake smile. "You are everything to me. You are precious to me. You are my reason to live and die. Yet I take advantage of you...and for that I am sorry. Will you forgive me?"
"Of course I forgive you, Hisoka!" He exclaimed, surprised I had asked such a question.
I grimaced and lifted his chin, drawing him into a soft, chaste kiss. "Thank you, Tsuzuki."
I had managed to convince Tsuzuki to move back in though it would be different to live with the one you love. The first week was to be expected, shy and quiet to each other unless avoided completely. I suppose Tsuzuki still felt guilty for feeling for the forward 'me'. I forgave him though it was me who felt sorry.
"Hisoka, you have visitors." Tsuzuki tells me, barely poking a head through my bedroom door.
I get up and answer the front door, surprised to see two young boys there. One had reddish-orange spiky hair and childishly sweet brown eyes. He seemed extremely perky and carefree compared to the other, who looked grumpy and serious beyond measure. He had long black hair and cold hazel eyes. They both wore school uniforms, containing white short sleeve, button up shirts and loose blue slacks.
"Hisoka! Where have you been?! You disappeared right after the field trip! Me and Sanaka have been so worried!" The red head proclaimed hyperactively. Then it hit me, these two must be the friends 'I' had made at 'my' school.
"Are you skipping because you lost the bet?" Sanaka questioned with a glare.
"Actually I'm not skipping, cause I'm not coming back." I explained, causing both boys to gasp, wide eyed.
"But why, Hisoka?" Ketsu whined. "Okay, forget the bet, you don't have to do the work! Just come back!" He begged.
"It's not the bet." I say, trying to conceal the annoyance his loud whining had caused. "I just don't belong there."
"Why aren't you at Muraki's?" Sanaka interrupts. "It took us forever to find out where you were staying. Did you runaway?" From the corner of his eye, Sanaka spotted a glimpse of Tsuzuki spying on the conversation. "Or are you two interloping?" He glares at me.
Ketsu suddenly brightens up with a huge smile. "Aw, young adolescents in love! So you are living with Tsuzuki now, great!"
I blush at their statements and look shyly back at Tsuzuki. "Well...um..." I started off trying to explain, but no matter how I thought of saying it, it didn't sound right.
Lucky for me, Ketsu shoved a gift bag into my hands the next moment. "We just thought you two could use this when ever." He winked with a proud smile and grabbed Sanaka by the arm. "We better be living now! I hope to see you again, Hisoka! Oh, and tell me as soon as you use your gift!" He chirps cheerfully before dragging Sanaka down the hall and through the entrance.
"That was...odd." I commented on their visit. Closing the door behind me, I curiously opened the gift. "What the-!" Staring roughly at the gift, my whole face burst into red. Since I hadn't won the bet, those two must still be trying to get me and Tsuzuki together. Within the beautifully color gift bag was a bottle of chocolate syrup , hand cuffs, and a tube of lube.
"Hisoka, what's the matter?" Tsuzuki asks approaching me. Immediately I shove the vulgar items into the bag, before Tsuzuki got a good look at them.
"Oh, nothing." I laughed. I would be crazy and out of my mind to even consider using this stuff right after what happened with Muraki. Tsuzuki would never speak to me if he knew about the bet in the first place, though it wasn't 'me' that made it. He looked at me suspiciously, silently accepting that answer as he walked away. I sighed loudly once he was gone. "That was close. What are those two thinking, giving me such a present?"
I rushed to my room to hide the gift for the next year, but knowing Tsuzuki he would follow and spy. He might already be in my room, waiting for me. I look carefully around, to make sure Tsuzuki isn't hiding anywhere in my room. But since I'm so paranoided, I was too tired to hide the present by then. Instead I slipped it under my pillow and plopped down heavily on the mattress. I sighed loudly, allowing my eyes to slip farther down as sleep began to come.
"Hisoka..." Tsuzuki's voice whispered from my doorway. He had no doubly waited for me to sleep for he could find out. So I pretend to be asleep in order to prove my speculations. Instead of rumaging through the room like any other curious child, Tsuzuki; extremely surprisingly, jumped on me. I yelled in great agony as the man sat up on my crushed stomach. "You're a loosy pretender Hisoka." He gave me a flat look. "You should really practice on your acting."
"Well, I doubt I would ever use such a talent if it wasn't for situations like this." I bark back with irriation. Suddenly I realize how we look in this position. Tsuzuki's legs were on either side of me as he sat childishly on my stomach. His hands pinning me down, roughly pushing down my chest. "What are you up to?" I ask with great suspicion.
He smiles innocently, making a light blush cross my face. "Come on, Hisoka! Please, show me the gift!" He begs.
"No." I replied bluntly.
"That's not fair! Ketsu said it was for both of us, so why is it you're the only one who gets to use it?!" He agrues, reminding me of a six year old begging to use dad's tools.
"You don't want it, believe me." I said dryily, which wasn't very convincing. Instead it sounded as if I didn't want him to have it, because I wanted it all for myself.
"You're selfish, Hisoka." He pouts, "it's a gift, so why wouldn't I want it?"
"You sure you want it?" I ask seriously for once. "If you are really sure, there is no turning back."
He looks at me astonished by such a statement. He thought for awhile, whether or not he would regret it. He eventually smiled and nodded. "I'm sure." I shake my head disappointingly.
"Childs." I murmur in disbelief. "Fine, help yourself." I pull the beg from underneath my pillow and toss it to him. He stares curiously at the bag and then back at me. "Now would you mind getting off?" I asked coldly.
He doesn't seem to hear me as he holds the tube of lube in his hands. "What is this, Hisoka?" He looks at me innocently, making me believe he was truly pure in mind.
"You've never heard of lube before?" I questioned surprisingly. I sit up, making him sliding farther down into my lap. Which may be a bad thing if he feels my unexpectingly harding member over the past few minutes.
He shakes his head. "How do you use it?" My whole face turns red, I didn't want to be the one to explain anything like that to him. When I don't answer, he asks another question that he thinks I may be able to answer. "Then can you show me?" My whole face is burning at the question. Of course I've thought of doing things like that with Tsuzuki, but would never considered them in fear he might run for. "Please." He begged.
I sigh frustratingly and lean closer to Tsuzuki. Gently, I pull his face to mine, our lips touching slowly. I can tell he is in shock, he hasn't moved at all. I reach my arm around him and draw him closer, yet he doesn't pull back. He eventually understands and kisses me back. I keep the kiss simple for as long as I can stand and then try to slip my tongue in. Surprisingly enough, Tsuzuki willingly opens his mouth and allows the wet intrusion. My smile inwardly when an esactic moan escapes him. A tingly feeling runs over my entire body when I feel his tongue in return, playing with mine.
We parted for a much needed breath and panted heavily. Flicking his tongue out, Tsuzuki lazily drew it across my lips. I smiled embarassingly and took his bottom lip into my mouth and gently nibbled on it. Closing his eyes as my hands slid up under the meaningless shirt Tsuzuki wore. I could feel his skin burned like fire wherever I touched. I grinned and tugged off the shirt, leaving his chest bare before returning my arms around his neck and pressing our lips together once more.
I didn't expect Tsuzuki to be so willing, or this forward. He ran his hands up and down my back, stroking the smooth skin. His hands gradually slid around between our bodies where he began toying with the fly of my jeans. I part once again, roughly.
"Didn't you want me to teach you, or do you already know?" I smirk knowingly. A light blush covered his cheeks and he removed his hands from my pants.
I laughed and unwrapped my arms from his waist, allowing my fingers to dance over Tsuzuki’s crotch as I slowly lowered the zipper. He lifted his hips and I shoved the garment down Tsuzuki's long, firm legs.
My hands moved to Tsuzuki's bare ass, massaging it while the violet eyed brunet ground downward, rubbing his member against my still covered member.
"I would expect you to be rejecting after what happened with Muraki." I remarked, my hand slipping back around to Tsuzuki's limp member and kiss him chastely. Taking hold the base of Tsuzuki's lenght, I began stroking it with long, firm strokes, grinning against Tsuzuki's mouth when I felt it harden.Rising slightly
"I love you, Hisoka." Tsuzuki moaned, breaking our kiss. "I want to do this... with you." He gasped in a raspy voice.
"Shh..." I whisper soothingly and with my free hand, I pulled out the lube. Coating my fingers, "now, here is how you use this." I explained pressed one digit up against Tsuzuki's entrance, causing him to yelp startlingly. Teasing the rim, I watched the way the brunet delightfully whimpered.
I hurriedly captured his lips once more as I plunged a second finger into the small opening. He growled loudly between our mouths, until I slipped my tongue in. His exasperate whines turned into husky moans as my tongue and finger worked simultaneously, darting in and out. I smile loving at his muffled whimpers as he clutched my shirt in a desperate attempt to rip it off.
I gladly remove my apparal after jabbing a third fnger roughly into Tsuzuki. He yelped louder as he was being strentched more.
"Hisoka!" Tsuzuki yelled in frustration, once my clothes were tossed aside.
A smirk crossed my lips. It was adorable having Tsuzuki call for me needingly.
I took the lube once more and spread the substance into my palm, and began stroking my own length.
"This is going to hurt for awhile, Tsuzuki." I explain, laying the brunet completely down on the bed. He stares at me innocently as I line my hard member up against his hole, pressing only the tip inside. My body suddenly trembled with excitement as the anticipation of being inside Tsuzuki was so close at hand.
"Ready?" I ask, he nods and closes his eyes in anticipation of pain. And quickly I push in, ramming myself all the way inside the petite entrance.
I forced my lips over Tsuzuki's as I began a steady rhyme in and out. I can hear his muffled screams and moans less as he adjusts to me. We both panted heavily as I pounded more and more. He gripped my shoulders and rocked with the movement trying, needing to take in as much of me cock as he could. His own erection was rubbing nicely between our bodies creating a nice friction, making it even harder than it already had been.
Moving more swiftly I hit a prostate, causeing Tsuzuki errupt in loud moans of pleasure. His face covered with a layer of sweat and red as I hit that same spot once more. "Hisoka!" He yells in pure bliss again and again as we come closer to release.
With the final thrust, I spilled my release inside Tsuzuki while he climaxed between us. Feeling empty yet complete I collasped onto the panting brunet.
"Hisoka..." I hear Tsuzuki murmur with much struggle since I am on top of him. "I love you..." After a few minutes, I finally managed to gather the strength to pull out and roll to my side so that I was no longer squishing my exhausted lover.
"I love you too, Tsuzuki." I murmured, cuddling close to the sexy brunet. Together we shared a quick, gentle kiss before Tsuzuki layed his head against my neck.
"Will we remain like this forever?" He asked me in a light daze.
I smiled and laugh tiredly. "Forever. I'll stay with...forever."
Love. No other word could express the feelings I had for Tsuzuki. Since the very beginning he has haad my heart. I'm just glad we both realized how much we really care about each other before it was to late. Hopefully now Tsuzuki understands exactly how much he means to me. He is everything to me. I have someone to protect, to love, to charess, to hold; I have someone precious to me. Someone sacred and pure to me. An angel that will remain with me always. Tsuzuki. He is my sanctuary...
The End!
A/N: Omg, I actually finished it! Wow, I'm so happy now! This is one of my favorite stories I've written, I really hope its yours too! I am looking forward to your reviews!if I know how many people like this fic, then I can really be inspired to do the squeal! So see ya soon! And see I made this chapter super long for it to be more memorable!
And sorry about the long wait, mediaminer deleted all of my fics and I have to reload everything over again. My advice to you all, please write you declaimer for those of you who haven't, they will find you out eventually and delete your stories! I had so much chapters up for like 16 different fics! T_T now I have to start over.