Yami No Matsuei Fan Fiction ❯ Tozasareta Kokoro (Locked Heart?) ❯ Locked Heart 2 ( Chapter 2 )

Locked Heart Two

~*~*~*~

The next morning, when I wake up, I feel a bit rested. Still drowsy, and with a nagging pain at the back of my head, but more or less I feel better. I think. Slowly open my eyes… Tsuzuki is leaning on my bed from his place in the chair, asleep.

'Poor Tsuzuki… how long have you been here?'

I raise my hand a little and playfully toy with his hair.

'Why didn't you just go home and sleep comfortably on your bed?'

He releases a soft groan and groggily peels his eyes open. Upon seeing me awake already, he simply smiles at me and greets me.

"Good Morning! How are you feeling now?" He asks with bedroom voice.

"Better." I answer.

He places his hand on my forehead and feels my temperature with his palm. I flinch at the touch but Tsuzuki reassures me with his smile, as if telling me that he means no harm.

"Good. It seems like your fever has already gone down. I think you'll be able to eat now. You've been asleep for three days straight. Wait here 'kay? I'll go get something to eat."

He runs his hand on my hair again before stepping out of the infirmary.

I turn my head to the side and outside the window I see a figure of a person at the grass-covered grounds, looking at my direction. I can't recognize who it is, and can't tell if he/she is really looking at me. My vision is still blurry. Rub my eyes to get rid of the haze. The moment I reopen my eyes, the figure's gone.

I wonder who it was?

Maybe just a coworker… so I just ignore it and shrug off the thought. Besides, I can't wonder for long because I can hear someone's footsteps. Must be Tsuzuki. He'll worry if he sees that something is troubling me at the slightest. He has a knack for being able to see through me and tell if I'm 'not okay' no matter how well I hide it.

Watari steps in.

" 'Morning, bon! I passed by Tsuzuki on my way to the lab and he mentioned that you're awake now. How are you? Do you hurt anywhere?"

Watari peered in closer, examining me, his golden eyes glimmering with eagerness behind his rimmed spectacles. He gently holds my wrist and tries to feel my pulse. He smiles at me then continues with his questioning.

"Did you have a good sleep?"

I nod. I wanted to say yes, but I suddenly seemed to feel too tired to speak.

"Good. I had to sedate you a couple of times or so, so that you'll be able to sleep, which you badly needed by the way. Tsuzuki told me that you've been having nightmares." He stops and hesitates for a moment, then continues. "Bon, if you feel like talking to me about it, do so ne? You shouldn't carry that burden all by yourself. Remember, we're all here to help. Always."

Those words… It made my heart leap. But at the same time, it made me feel a bit guilty too. I think I'm being unfair to everybody for not trusting them completely but… I just hope that they'd understand. All my life I've been betrayed, so it's not that easy for me to learn how to trust again.

I want to say thank you, but I feel like my throat's betraying me again. So I settle instead on grasping Watari-san's hand and squeezing it affectionately. I think he got the message, because he's smiling at me.

Tsuzuki quietly walks in, carrying a small tray with a steaming bowl of noodles, which apparently was instant, and a cup of tea. He puts it on the bedside table and carefully helps me up to sit and lean on my pillows, which Watari, in turn, fixes for me. He holds the bowl with his left hand and starts to spoon-feed me with his right. Great, I can feel heat generating at my cheeks, and I think I look like a "tomato head".

"Tsuzuki I… can eat by myself." I shyly stammer.

I take the chopsticks from Tsuzuki, but as soon as I attempt to take the first bite, my hand went numb and it fell off my hands. What just happened? My sight fell on the bandage wrapped around my arm.

So my wound hasn't healed yet huh?

And I unconsciously stare at it for a very long minute.

Tsuzuki picks up the fallen chopsticks and lays a hand on my shoulder.

"You're still hurt. Let me take care of you for now ne?" He gently states.

"Su… sure." I reply absently, still staring at my wound.

I flinch again as I feel Watari's hand on my shoulder.

"It's okay bon. That wound will close soon. Maybe you just need to recoup your energy, so that your healing abilities will function again."

I can't help but notice the word maybe. Just what did he mean by that?

Does it imply uncertainty?

Does it say that he's not sure whether this wound will indeed heal or not?

I hope that I'm just worrying too much.

But still, I can't help but feel ashamed… weak.

I'm being such a burden to them again.

~*~*~*~

Watari-san did a few checks-up again before he left and went back to his lab. I'm here, alone with Tsuzuki again, sharing mutual silence that we've both grown accustomed to. I feel very little emotion from him, no doubt because he has his shields up again. As usual. But, I can clearly feel a particularly distinct one that he's trying so hard to cover.

Guilt

He's been like that for the past few days, and even if I'm asleep, I can sense it. Damn him. Has he been blaming himself for what happened again? Idiot. I think it's about time I talk him out of this.

"Tsuzuki… is something wrong?" I try to ask him casually, but I can't seem to hide my concern.

He smiles at me. Again, damn him. Hasn't he ever grown tired of that plastic grin? He should know by now how it irritates me and makes me want to punch him.

Always, whenever he wants to hide something, he masks everything with that smile. Does he think I'm stupid enough to fall for that? Me, an empath, one who can read very well other's emotions, though absolutely and unmistakably pathetic at reading my own.

"Tsuzuki" I ask again, this time with a warning tone. "What is it?"

He fidgets with the edge of my blanket then decides to speak.

"Hisoka… I… I'm so sorry…"

He stammers, his eyes shuddering with tears that he seems to have been holding back.

"For what?" I ask, tilting my head curiously.

"If… if I only listened to you, I…"

"Stop." I interrupt.

I know too well where this conversation is going, and I don't want to go there. I'm too tired of this. I hate it when he blames himself for everything.

"But Hisoka I…" he insistently continues, and I stubbornly cut it off.

"I said shut up. Idiot."

I look straight into his eyes and move my hand to hold his. Or at least I tried but changed my mind in a nanosecond.

"Look, it's not your fault. It happened already and there's nothing we, or anyone, can do to undo it. The past could never be undone, Tsuzuki. But you can always do something about the present, and the future." I state calmly.

It feels like those words had been in my head long ago… I just had to find the right time to tell them to Tsuzuki.

He smiles at me again, this time it's a real one. He caresses my cheek (and I feel myself blushing again) and locks his gaze with mine.

"You're right. So would you let me make up for it by taking care of you?"

I look away in an attempt to hide my crimson face.

"Baka."

~*~*~*~

I spent the rest of the afternoon reading a book that the Gushoshin were kind enough to lend to me. As for Tsuzuki, well, as always, he's proclaiming his undying love for sweets before letting them marry his stomach.

I read a few lines still, before I get light headed again and feel awfully sleepy. I guess the fact that I'm still recuperating means that I still need to sleep to restore energy. Tsuzuki helps me lie down again and I promptly fall asleep.

I don't think I've been asleep for too long, because I still feel tired. I was just on the verge of wondering why I suddenly woke up and shooting the person responsible for it, when suddenly I register angry but hushed voices coming just right outside the infirmary.

"Tatsumi! Listen to me! He is just in no condition to move right now! Let alone handle another case!!! Partner me with someone else for now! Just don't let Hisoka go out yet! He's still recovering for Pete's sake!"

Tsuzuki voiced out, infuriated for some reason.

"Tsuzuki-san. This does not please me any more than you but orders are orders! This case is urgent and you and Kurosaki-kun are to handle it as soon as possible."

Tatsumi argues calmly.

Are they talking about me?

"But Tatsumi~!" Tsuzuki desperately begs.

I force myself up and walk to the door, trying to keep my balance albeit my wobbling from side to side.

I open the door and both shinigami abruptly turns to me, startled.

"Tatsumi-san, if you'll just let me and Tsuzuki rest tonight, tomorrow, we start the investigation." I state plainly to end their argument.

The blue-eyed secretary simply nods, no longer demanding any explanation whatsoever of how I even knew of their conversation.

Tsuzuki, meanwhile, continues to look at me disbelievingly.

~*~*~*~

That's it for now. Comments and other critiques are always welcomed.