Locked Heart One

~*~*~*~

This dream again. It's the one where I am walking in a meadow on a sunny afternoon. This place… It really looks familiar. It's like I have been here long, long ago. Perhaps, when I was alive? It's like I'm just watching myself in this dream. I can't really tell. For some reason, I can't control my body. It's moving on its own will.

Like a puppet with strings attached.

I… or rather, myself as I "see" in my dream, keep on walking and walking… until I stop at a spot… and of all places, right under the Sakura. There, I again watch myself sit in silence and stare up at the endless blue known as the sky. The feeling…It's so relaxing. My eyelids heavily blink as I feel sleep cheerfully beckoning me. My consciousness is slowly fading, until I hear the voice of a child.

"Please help me…"

The voice is pleading. The voice is begging. The voice… sounds so familiar.

"Please…"

A voice I've known so long ago…

"Help…"

A voice I'll never forget

"Me…"

It's him…

~*~*~*~

As my consciousness slowly dawns upon me, I vaguely feel a presence sitting beside me. Open my eyes. I see… a pair of amethyst orbs. I hear a voice… so distant… yet feels like it's coming nearer. Blink my eyes to get rid of the fuzziness. I can see it clearer now. A pair of amethyst eyes worriedly looking at me… This person.

"Tsuzuki…?"

"Shhhh…"

He runs a hand on my hair, as if combing it with his fingers, stroking it ever so gently.

"You're fever is still very high. Go back to sleep. Rest is what you need most right now."

I can feel his emotions gently inflowing.

Concern… protectiveness… care… and something I just can't recognize…

What is this emotion coming from Tsuzuki? Why does it scare me…?

And yet, I want it…

"Go to sleep, Hisoka." he gently repeats.

And I feel myself plunging into blackness- a very comfortable blackness.

~*~*~*~

My doll… That night, you were as beautiful as a blossoming Sakura in the darkness... *1*

Taking everything from me… cursing me… and finally… ending my life…

Beneath your beautiful eyes… you will always feel me within your body…*2*

Wasn't that enough…?

Feel more pain… my adored puppet…*1*

Why…? Why do you torment me so…? What have I done so wrong that you hate me this much…?

Come… let me hold you again… let us… relive… that timeless moment

Stop…

In a bed of soft Sakura petals… Under a crimson moonlight…

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

~*~*~*~

"TSUZUKI!!!"

Someone screamed. I think it was me. I feel sick. Always, after that nightmare which haunts me ceaselessly in my slumber, I feel so… awful. Like I want to throw up. I'm shivering a lot. I think I'm about to freeze. I wish someone would hold me close and make me feel warm.

I can faintly sense someone shaking me awake. He's calling my name. "Hisoka" he yells… and that's my name. Isn't it?

"Hisoka! Hisoka!"

Yelling again.

Stop. You're too noisy.

"Hisoka!"

I want to tell him that I can hear him. But for some reason, I can't. My throat feels like there's something stuck in it. I try to force my eyes open, to make him see that I'm awake. Can't see clearly, mist covering my sight. But the dark lock of hair tells me that Tsuzuki's right in front of me. Besides, who else in the entire Shoukan Division has this loud mouth anyway? He was the one waking me up.

Slowly, I force myself to speak again. But nothing would come out. So I settle on trying to move my hand and touch him. Actually, to slap him for all the noise he's making, he just better be thankful that I don't have the energy right now. I managed to raise my hand a little, but ended up on letting it fall on top of Tsuzuki's arm. I really feel so heavy. Good thing it shut him up though. He looks straight into my eyes and caresses my cheek and… Did he just wipe away tears from my eyes?

I… was crying?

"Don't worry… I'm here. I'll stay with you… so don't be afraid anymore."

Afraid?

Of what…?

Of that night when the moon was tainted crimson like the blood that poured out of my body?

Of that searing pain that took over all of my senses?

Of those hands that mercilessly took my innocence and my life?

Or…

Afraid of you… who forced me to open my closed doors, letting you in, but forever haunted by the fear of experiencing the pain of betrayal all over again…?

I just don't know what I have to fear anymore…

"Hisoka! Hisoka!"

Shaking me again. Let me go. Your emotions… they're hurting me.

"Hisoka--"

"Let him sleep, Tsuzuki-san." Another person… another emotion.

I could only make out his blonde hair. He put his hand on Tsuzuki's shoulder then fixed my blanket. He wiped something wet on my arm… then I felt a slight pang when he slid a needle in.

And I fall into a dreamless sleep.

~*~*~*~

(1) King of Swords arc

(2) Nagasaki arc

Translations courtesy of Theria.