Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Bakura's Odd Messages ❯ Bakura's Odd Messages ( Chapter 1 )

DIS: Welcome one and all to `Bakura's Odd Messages'! Full of humor and oddness! So relax and make sure your not drinking or eating anything! It may go through your nose later on...(sweat drops) Enjoy!

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Bakura walked in the apartment and saw the answering machine's red light flashing. He pushed the play button.

You have 6 messages. Message 1:

"Hi Bakura, this is Anzu, what's up? Yeah, I know, you hate my guts, but I don't really give a hoot, so anyways, just wondering if Ryou's letter came in yet. If so, tell him I said hi, and um, you know...Everything's going great and stuff, so, er, yeah. Anyways, hehehe, I- "Anzu, who are you talking to?" "no one mom, I'm leaving a message!" "Oh, well, hurry up so we can go get your tampons sweetie!"

Bakura: (OO''')

"UHH...OK! Er, eh, heh, heh, heh, Bye Bakura!"

BEEP!

Message 2:

"Yo, yo, HOMES! Waddup, dawg? This is Honda, seein' what was up, down, sideways and over, dawg! And F Y I, I'm datin' Miho now, so...IN YOUR FACE!!! YOU CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH HER NOW, AH HAHAHAHAHAHA!"

BEEP!

Message 3:

"Hello you fool. This is Marik! Yami Marik Ishtar here to say- "Marik! GET YOUR NAKED TAN ASS DOWN HERE!" "Hey...How does she know I'm naked? SORRY ISIS, I DON'T DIG INCEST!"

Bakura: (V.V)

"MARIK, YOU GET DOWN HERE NOW BEFORE I COME UP THERE AND RAPE YOU!!!" "AWWW!! (X>X) UH, Bakura, if you're there, SAVE ME!" (Slam is heard in the background) ...(Dial tone)

Bakura: (O^O''') Uh...

Message 4:

"Bakura, this is the Pharaoh, Atemu. I challenge you to a duel. Over this wirey thing...It's kinda like a Millennium Item, you can actually talk through it to talk to other people. Isn't that odd? It's very strange if you asked for my opinion. Yuugi calls this thing a phone. So why aren't you answering your phone, Tomb Robber? Dammit, this swirly wire thing is getting tangled up in my hair! And I used almost a whole bottle of hair gel I my hair too!" [CRASH] "DAMN THING!" [SLAM] "CURSE YOU TO HEEELLL!!" [BAM!] "I SHALL SEND YOU TO THE SHADOW REALM!!!" [PPFFTTUU!] (silence) "Ahem, Grandpa fixed it. I think I knocked him out...IT WAS AN ACCIDENT! Er, uh, bye!"

BEEP!

Message 5:

"Dis is Katsuya Jounouchi and I'm complainin' about da chicken noodles I bought from ya! Dey tastes more like beef den chicken and I want beef, goddammit! Your service stinks, ya warthog, I don't dink I'm gonna even waste my time orderin' from ya guys! Ya don't even know how to answer your phone! What, are ya suddenly closed, huh, are ya? Cos I just ordered from ya about 5 minutes ago and you guys are just across the street and I see people goin in and outta there so dat means dat you knew dat it was me and ya just want ta rip me off! Well den screw you! I'm gonna order from Da Red Dragon from now on, ya pushovers! GOOD BYE!"

Bakura: (--) Idiotic mutt...

Message 6:

"I SHALL DEVOUR YOUR BRAINS!"

BEEP! You have 0 messages.

Bakura blinked. The last one was most interesting. He wondered if that was a crazy guy, Atemu or Marik. He shrugged.

>Later<

Bakura came back in and saw he had 4 new messages. Jee, I wonder.

You have 4 new messages.

Message 1:

"Bakura, this is Seto Kaiba. I think you should know that you are crazy, I'm an alcoholic and that I am bisexual. I'm also high on dope righ now."

BEEP!

Bakura: (o.o) freak...

Message 2:

"OHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "BABY!!" Bakura's hand shot towards the `Next' button.

BEEP!

Bakura: (X.X)

Message 3:

"Hello, this is Shizuka Jounouchi. I want to say sorry for my brother's behavior. He was very rude, but we will be dining at The Red Dragon from now on, mainly because I don't think it's necessary for us TO GET BAD SERVICE, KID MOLESTER!"

BEEP!

Message 4:

"Hello. HELLO. Hello. HELLO. Hello. HELLO. Hello. HELLO. Hello. HELLO. Hello. HELLO-

Bakura: (><)

"HELLO, HOW DO YOU DO? DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? I AM...What's my name again?" "Are you stupid? It's Otogi!" "Right! I AM OTOGI...What's my last name again?" "(sound of a slap) YOU MORON!" "Er, I AM OTOGI SOMETHING AND AM HERE TO SAY HELLO TO...Who did we call again?" "UH, I'm not really sure. It was a random number in the phone book." "Ok. I AM HERE TO SAY HELLO TO RANDOM PERSON IN THE PHONE BOOK! ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ME? DO YOU KNOW ME? DO YOU THINK I'M HOT? DO YOU WANT INTERCOURSE WITH ME? THEN, UH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY, I'M FLATTERED. NOW, HERE ARE SOME THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME!"

Bakura: (groans)

"I AM GAY, I LOVE MEN, I DATE WOMEN FOR FUN, I DATE MEN FOR THEIR YOU-KNOW-WHAT'S! I AM ?? OF AGE AND HAVE BEEN MOLESTED AND RAPED BEFORE, HAVE A GOOD DAY, GOODBYE!"

BEEP!

Bakura: What the hell?

Message 5:

"I love you, you love me, let's all be a family! Ooh, ooh, wait, I KNOW! Heads and shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes! Heads and shoulders, knees and toes, eyes and ears and mouth and nose, head and shoulders knees and toes, knees and toes! Bye Baka-chan! Yuugi saying, eat you daily vegetables annnddddd Brush you teeth twice a day, bursh your teeth twice a day! Yay!"

BEEP! You have 0 messages.

Bakura groaned, why did people continuously torture him. He only hoped he didn't have, what, 11 useless messages tomorrow too.

@@@@@TBC?@@

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DIS: (grins) There you go! If you want me to continue, send in ideas and reviews! And might I remind you that if you do not review, IT IS A SIN! Ja ne!