Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Bakura's Odd Messages ❯ What the? ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Bakura woke up in the morning, yawning. He dragged his feet into the living room and scowled, seeing the message machine blinking: Five messages!

“Aw, shit. What now?”

“You have five messages, message one:

“Ooh, baby, baby, oops! I did it again, I played with your heart and...Um, what's that word again, Marik? Lust of again? Is that it?”

“HOW THE HELL SHOULD I KNOW, ABIOU! Are you on the phone? PUT YOUR PANTS ON FOR RA SAKES!”

“But I think Britney Spears took hers off...Right?”

“WHA - ? Who the fuck is Britney Spears!”

“That one chick who got married to her best friend for a day, then divorced him. Ya know?”

“NO I DO NOT KNOW! Who did you call?”

“Hmm, I don't remember, but Atemu is next! Let us go and dial! MWAHAHAHA!”

Beep!

Message Two:

“(seductive voice) Hello, Bakura. This is your secret admirer...”

“(OO) Is that Anzu?” Bakura asked himself with wide eyes. “Oh shit!”

“I'm only in my bra and thong. Why don't you come and sidle over here, baby? I've got a bag full of fun for you, sweetheart! (hic!) And lots of alchohol too! Why don't you come and have a drink with me? Don't you want to have a fun time? Come on over, Bakura. RIDE ME BABY, RIDE ME! HAHAHAHAHA!”

Message Three:

“BAKURA! YOU ASSHOLE, ANSWER YOUR FUCKING THING THAT IS SO RETARDED! RAAADAAMMIITTT! SCREW YOU! I SUMMON THE DARK MAGICIAN TO DESTROY THIS CONTRAPTION! Pffttttuuuu!”

“If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again. For help, dial your operator, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!”

“(-.-) Damn Pharaoh...” Bakura muttered.

Message Four:

“Hello, who's calling? Hello? HELLLOOO? What the hell is your problem? You jackass, answer me, who is this? Aw, screw you then!”

Message Five:

“His, this is the Sex Line. So you want HOT sex? Then just pick up the phone, but if you don't pick up the phone now, then sorry, you miss out of the HOT, KINKY, HARD SEX! (pause) Bye!”

Beep!

“You have no new messages.”

“Damn it all! I could have gotten laid with not only Mazaki, but someone I don't even know! RA DAMMIT!” Bakura swore. He twitched his nose in anger, then stormed off. He paused and looked at the phone. Grinning, he looked at the Caller ID.

Anzu groaned from her hangover and pushed the message button.

“You have one message, Message one:

“Hello Mazaki, this is Bakura. You might remember a dirty message you left on my machine last night, so I decided to repay the favor. If you ever want to get laid just out of fun, Mazaki, then I'm all ears. It's intriguing to say the least. And the things I would do to you are...” (DIS: (X.X) Too naughty for young ears, hehehe...)

At the end of the message, Anzu was drooling and her face was red.

“Damn! I wonder how long ago he called?” She dialed his number, but it was busy. She pouted and sulked, glaring at the phone.

Marik growled, seeing a message on the phone. “Grr!”

“You have one message, Message one:

“ISIS, STOP RAPING MARIK AND MALIK STOP SINGING BRITNEY SPEARS' SONG! SHE'S A WHORE! A SLUT!”

Beep!

Marik's jaw dropped.

“That asshole!” Marik called him back and swore every possible cuss word he knew at the busy tone.

At the Kame Game Shop, Atemu beamed, clapping his hands in glee, seeing that he had a message.

“You have one message, Message one:

“Hello, Pharaoh, this is Bakura. I hope you know that Yuugi will only molest you in your sleep and Grandpa will fuck your brains out if you don't buy a new phone. Good luck - well, not really.”

Atemu gulped. He grabbed some of Yuugi's money and left to buy a new phone. On his way out, he gave Yuugi and Grandpa bizarre looks.

“I think he watched old grandpa/young grandson porn again,” Grandpa told his grandson. Yuugi looked at his grandpa oddly, inching away from him.

Bakura grinned, satisfied with his playback! However, later, when he got messages, he wasn't quite so happy.

“You have four messages, message one:

“Baaakkuuurrrraaa, answer your phhoonnneee! DAMN YOU SEXY TOMB ROBBER, ANSWER YOUR PHONE BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AND JUMP YOU! Loved your message, I kept it! Bye!”

Bakura snickered.

Message two:

“(&$#(&&(#)(&$)($(&)#!(#!”

“(Oo) Marik and Malik were obviously pissed...

Message three:

“Tomb Robber, you have to help me! Yuugi and Grandpa have been acting strange. When I came in, Grandpa was talking about old grandpa/young grandson porn! IT WAS HORRIBLE! I never would asked for help - because I am Pharaoh - but I don't want to lose my virginity! (cries) I WANT MY MOMMY! Ooh, I found a dime! Ahem, good bye!”

Message four:

“YOU'VE WON A BILLION DOLLARS! YEAH RIGHT, YOU ASS! YOU WISH! WHY WOULD YOU EVER WIN A BILLION DOLLARS? YOU SUCK CRAP, BI-OTCH! HAHAHAHAHAHA! THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR BELIEVING IN YOURSELF, YOU SON OF A BITCH! SEE YOU NEVER, HAHAHAHA!”

“That was hella rude. I should send that guy's ass to the Shadow Realm. NO ONE SAYS THAT TO BAKURA RYOU! Actually, that's not even my real name...”