Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Behind Blue Eyes: Seto's Story ❯ Day Two: The Real Me ( Chapter 9 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: kiokukaiba 
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 08.14.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 344 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 08.14.2007 | Pages: 3 | Words: 4.2K | Visits: 344 | Status: Work In Progress
Behind Blue Eyes: Seto’s Story
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Disclaimer: Oh my gods! Guess what??? I still don’t own it. . .
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Recap:
“Seto, you can cry. I’m not going to make fun of you. I want you to trust me completely. Tell me; who is that man?”
“That man is. . . That man is Saki.”
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“Saki?” Jounouchi’s voice was barely audible in my mind. It felt empty and distant at the moment. That name, that awful name. . . that awful, wonderful name. Saki. . . I was pressed against the blond’s body. He was warm and his heartbeat was nearly soothing. His hands were rubbing lovingly at my arms, and I felt like a child. . . for a second I was reminded of my father, but the memory disappeared just as it had come, and I was left here on the street in Jounouchi’s arms, tears breaching my eyes and sliding down my cheeks. I wondered if he could see me crying in such darkness.
Yes, Saki. Jounouchi had said something about ‘it’s that guy’. Had he seen Saki before? Where had he seen him? Surely they weren’t friends. “Yes.” I was finally replying to the question that I had forgotten he had asked, “There’s no mistaking him. . . but, how did you. . . you knew him? How?” I pushed closer to him by accident, call it nature if you want. I’m sure any human would agree when I said that talking while upset and afraid was a difficult task. I tried to make my sudden sob sound like a cough, but it just made me sound even more pathetic. . . wait, did I say I was afraid? I was never afraid, and I never cried. . . pfeh, yeah, and I wasn’t rich either. . . I’m human. I cry, and I have fears. I’m human.
“He was in that store that you had wandered into at the mall.” I could feel his face on the top of my head, which is when I realized that I had gone weak in the knees and was very slumped up against him. I couldn’t bring myself to stand, and that upset me even more. Showing such a pathetic side of myself in front of someone from school. There was a different weight on the top of my head, as though Katsuya was leaning his own on top, but it went away after a short while. I didn’t want to stay outside in the darkness where that horrible person could find us. I wanted to leave, to go somewhere safe a warm with light. . . and a lock on the door.
“Katsuya. . .”
“Yes?”
“Please, can we go home?” I hated saying please, I hated crying, I hated leaning on others. . . but it was all that I could think to do. . . all that I could manage. I gazed into his face, and there was that terrible emotion. Pity. Above anything else, I hated pity.
“Who the fuck are you, you fucking punk?” Jounouchi spun quickly with me still in his arms. I went with him. I didn’t need to look. That voice echoed in my ears a million times over for the past four years. Had it really only been four years? It felt like a lifetime. My own prison inside my head where Saki’s voice was always present. . . his face on the backs of my eyelids when I tried to sleep.
My back was to Saki, considering Katsuya was facing him, and I felt so vulnerable, like Jounouchi would become frightened and hand me over. . . or sell me. Jounouchi needed money, right? He would probably sell me, should Saki offer. He would, that fucking bastard. People are awful. I shook at the chill that ran down my spine and clutched Jounouchi’s shirt. Perhaps he would take me home if I sounded absolutely pathetic. I didn’t care if he made fun of me for it later, I just wanted away from Saki! A noise came from my throat, and at first I didn’t know that it was me. It didn’t sound human. . . but it was the first thing that I could emit before my body would let me plead.
“Please, Katsuya! Let’s go, now!” His first name. . . yes, his first name was the key.
“Seto.” Saki’s voice again. The way he said my name. . . had I not already been putting my entire body weight onto Jounouchi, I would have fallen to the ground. I wanted to break down and cry in the street, to call to him, to call to Mokuba, to call to someone. . . but Saki wasn’t my protector anymore. . . I needed someone to protect me from him now. Jounouchi began to back up, still clutching tightly to me, his arms trembling slightly. Was Saki advancing? I wanted to turn and look, but I was afraid of what I might see.
“I love you, Seto.” I shook at his voice. . . those words that I always wanted Saki to say. . . why was he saying them now? After so much, why now? They meant to much back then, but now. . . now they are only sweet nothings. I could no longer speak, and simply stared Jounouchi Katsuya in the eyes. Could he not see that I was afraid? Was he also afraid? Did Saki have a weapon keeping us where we were?
“Come with me, Seto.” He used to say that too. Always, he would say that. He would take me away from my adoptive father’s bedroom or a guest room. . . I was always stripped naked and shivering. . . bloodied or battered, or both on some days. He would hold open his arms and tell me to come along. . . I buried my face into Jounouchi’s neck. Saki was so cruel. . . so fucking cruel.
“I will take you somewhere warm and quiet, Seto. I want to make up for what I did, Seto.” Saki was still muttering false promises. . . warm and quiet, how wonderful that sounded, how comforting. Yet, I could never feel comfort in his arms again. . . I longed for his embrace, but feared it just the same. He could never make up for what he had done.
“You w-want to m-make up for w-what you did?” I was muttering into the blond’s neck, but it was loud enough that the demon could hear. I was stuttering, but the fact that I was speaking at all was a magnificent feat, “You can do that by leaving me alone and never coming near me again! I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you. . . fuck, I don’t even want to smell you! I don’t want to hear your name! Just the thought of you makes me want to throw up!” Did I really mean all of that? I really wondered. . . it hurt and yet. . . to see him again. . . I tugged roughly at Jounouchi’s shirt, “Please, Katsuya, let’s leave!”
“I’ll take you home.” Saki was offering us a ride? It was definitely time to leave.
“What?” Jounouch was actually listening to him?! What was he thinking?!
“I love Seto, whether he wants to see that or not. I don’t want him to have to walk home in this cold weather. I have a car and I’ll take him home.” There was a long pause, and I kept my head against my current guardian, “Just tell me where you live.”
“Don’t, Jou!” I jolted to stand upright and grabbed ahold of his arms, looking urgently into his eyes, “Don’t you dare tell him where you live! I’d rather walk!”
“Even if we walk, he can just follow us home.”
Okay, so he had a point. . . “But Jounouchi. . .”
“I’m not going to let him hurt you. Just trust me, Seto.” His voice was soft and his eyes were gentle. The color, it reminded me of chocolates, like on Christmas. . . He had a very kind face, “Do you trust me?”
“I. . . I do.” How could I not? Then again, how could I? I had trusted Saki. . . Saki’s grey eyes were gentle too. . . but they weren’t as warm as Katsuya’s eyes. Saki’s eyes were cold. They reminded me of metal. . . grey metal. . . handcuffs. . . restraints. . .
“Then let me handle this.” Jounouchi seemed so much bigger then, so much more brave than I had ever given him credit for being. He didn’t look like a cowering puppy, but more like a wolf that was preparing for the kill. He looked past me, now, at the one he despised. “Will you take the both of us?”
“No.” Came Saki’s reply, and I knew he wanted only to take me. That was likely his plan the entire time.
“Then we’ll walk.” He turned, with me still attached to him like a little boy, and we began to finally leave. . . but I could hear Saki speaking yet again. He suddenly didn’t sound so high-and-mighty.
“Wait, no. It’s too cold. Seto-koi might get sick.” I shook at the intimate nickname that I had become so used to those few years ago. . . “Follow me, damn punk.”
He had a different car than I remembered. It was now a Chrysler PT Cruiser (AN: I finally got that car, by the way. . . OMG, I should call it the Saki-mobile!) in perfect shape. The blond opened the back door for me and I hesitated a bit. Would Jou immediately follow me in or would Saki speed away with me? I had to trust that Jounouchi knew what he was doing. . . I slid in. Jounouchi began to come in, but Saki put his arm across the door to keep him from entering. I could see their mouths moving. . . having a conversation? This night was far too awkward for me. I was completely fatigued.
I was up against the window, my hands clasped together in my lap. The pup/wolf eventually appeared next to me. Yes, I was right to trust him. . . for now, anyways. My stomach was doing somersaults the entire trip. Though it was silent, except at moments where Jounouchi spouted off direction to his apartment complex, it were as though Saki gave off some sort of terrible aura. . . I could feel his presence. . . and that alone was enough to make me sick to my stomach. It was cold against the window. I wanted Jounouchi to put his arms around him again. I felt very safe that way. Woah, that doesn’t sound good! I don’t have the hots for him or anything. . . it just made me feel wanted and safe. It was nice to have a friend to protect me for once. . . he was a friend. A friend.
The car came to a stop in front of the apartment complex. . . and then it dawned on me why Jounouchi wasn’t against giving Saki his address. They were apartments! Once we disappeared into the stairwell, there was no way that Saki would be able to tell which apartment we entered! Haha! Brilliant! Woah. . . settle down. . . excitement really wasn’t the emotion for me.
“Seto, would you like me to walk you to the door?” He flashed an irritated smile. He obviously noticed his disadvantage. I dared to narrow my eyes at him and then turned away. I couldn’t bare to look at him. That face that used to seem so wonderful and angelic was now an image of Satan himself.
I scrambled out of the car the moment I could shove the door open and then bolted up the stairs, nearly slipping and falling in the process. Jounouchi was following quickly at my heels. I could feel Saki watching us as we ascended until the time until I knew we were out of his sight. I slowed down as soon as we came to a shadow and began to pant. It wasn’t often that I was starved for air.
“He’s not going to hurt you.” The blond reached out a hand to me and I slapped it away.
“How the fuck would you know! You don’t know anything about him!” I was trying to hold back my sobs, and this time I was winning the fight. It was late and I was yelling. . . so it came as no surprise that the old woman of the building popped her head out of her door.
“My goodness, who is it with such a foul mouth?” Stupid old hag. Old women were always so prim and proper with a strong dislike for foul language, violence and sex. . . how annoying.
“Uh, sorry Ms. Harajuku, my friend here is having a bad day.” He rubbed at the back of his head and shot me a glare.
I shrugged my shoulders and bit my bottom lip in mock apology.
“Oh, that little hottie of yours?” Woah, wait. . . hottie? “Well then, why don’t you boys mosey on up to your place and put on some romantic music so you can make him feel better, Katsuya?” She winked suggestively at him.
What. The. Fuck. Was she seriously suggesting that he take me upstairs and. . . this was beginning to sound like a bad yaoi manga. . . not that I knew what yaoi was or anything. . . seriously.
“Ms. Harajuku!” Jounouchi’s face was just as red as my own, “Uh, we have to go do some. . . homework! Yes, lots of homework to do for our classes tomorrow! Goodnight!” The fact that he hesitated made it sound like he really was going to do what she suggested. . . perhaps he knew that. He grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me up the next flight of stairs to his floor.
We burst into the door and I plopped, yes plopped, onto the couch. “Crazy old woman.” I did my best to resist the urge to cough. The smell of cigarette smoke was awful. I wondered if a cloud of the stuff came out when I sat down. . . and then had to stifle laughter at the image of it in my mind.
“She’s nice though. She lets me stay the night sometimes.” He shut his mouth quickly, obviously not meaning to say that.
“Does she? And why, dare I ask, do you stay the night at an old woman’s house?” I arched my left brow and crossed my legs.
“I. . . my. . . well sometimes. . . um. . . just forget it.” Did he think I was stupid or something?
“You’re dad gets that bad, huh?” I smiled, an almost pitiful smile (Even though I hate pity), and nodded. “You can’t hide such obvious things from me, Jounouchi Katsuya. Sometimes you’re like an open book.” I turned my head until I heard it pop and then yawned, trying to give him a sign that I was tired.
“Sleepy Kaiba-boy?” I glared at him and he laughed, taking the seat next to me. Was the thing a couch or a love seat, ‘cause that boy sat pretty damn close to me. . . close enough to make me stiffen up for a second. . . my whole body, not my dick. Get your minds out of the gutter.
“Tell me, Jounouchi, how are things with you and Mai?” That was the girl he liked, right?
“Who?” He gave new meaning to the term ‘dumb blond’.
“Mai, Kujaku Mai. You know, Duelist Kingdom, Battle City. . . I believe she was also one of those Orichalcos freaks. . . the blonde bimbo.” I pursed my lips, trying to remember where else I had seen her.
“Oh, I don’t know. She’s pretty cool. I only see her at tournaments though. Why do you ask?” Wrong answer.
“I thought she was your girlfriend.”
“Nope, I’m not into any girls.” Extremely wrong answer.
“So you are gay.” I put my hands in my lap, refusing to look at him, and nearly scooted away from him. . . except that there wasn’t any more space to scoot on to.
“What?!” He sounded very insulted. . .
“Oh come on! It’s dead obvious! You’ve been hitting on me for ages.” I was joking, of course. Jounouchi had been making some rather perverted jokes towards me, but that was just childish teasing. He was a punk kid, and that’s what people like him did.
“I have not! I just started hitting on you a few days ago!” Yeah, didn’t see that reply coming.
I looked at him, wide-eyed, “I was actually joking, but my ears detect that you were completely serious.” I eyed him, “Though that would explain a lot. You know, wanting me to sleep in your bed, wanting me to take my clothes off in front of you. . .” I gasped, leaping from the couch in complete distrust, “You probably really were going to rape me! You fucking sick-ass mother f-” I couldn’t finish my sentence. Jounouchi had shoved me back onto the couch and begun smothering me with a pillow. I began to flail my arms and legs wildly, fighting just to breathe.
“Shut up! Shut the fuck up! I don’t want to hear it! Be quiet, Seto! People like you should be seen and not-” The pressure was removed and I grabbed the pillow, chucking it across the room. He was on the floor on his knees.
“Seen and not what, Katsuya?” I couldn’t be mad at him. That wasn’t Jounouchi doing that. It was his father doing that, I just knew it. His mind was very readable.
“. . . heard.”
“Does he tell you that, Katsuya? Does he do things like that, Katsuya?” I kneeled in front of him, returning the favor for his comfort earlier, “Have you ever thought about getting medicated?” Yes, yes, pills are good. . . that doesn’t sound much like me. Had I remembered my medication? I should never switch meds ever again.
“Medicated?”
“I think that you keep reliving shit that your father does to you.”
“No, I-”
“What you just did,” I glanced back at the pillow, “was very unlike you. I may not know you as well as Yuugi and the others, but I do know that you aren’t the sort of person to try and suffocate me. . . only my competitors would try something like that.” I sighed and stood back up, tired of kneeling, “Anyways. . . about your sexuality. . . you can’t help who you fall in love with.” Yeah. . . no one could help who they fell in love with. I found that I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, though. . . why?
“Anyways, I’m going to do that homework that you excused us from that old woman with.” I decided to leave out the fact that I was going to be changing. . . I mean, what guy in his right mind would tell a homosexual that they were going to be taking their clothes off? I would basically be inviting him to watch. . . okay, so obviously I have nothing against homosexuality. . . but now that I knew for a fact that Jounouchi may have a crush on me, I would have to be more careful.
I stepped into this bedroom, making sure to lock the door behind myself.
My bags were just as I had left them, clumped together in a corner of his tiny bedroom. I had seen college dorms that were larger, to be honest. I felt like a child, sitting on the floor with my legs crossed just as we were made to do in elementary school, and digging through my luggage until I came across my pajamas.
Turning back towards the door, as though somehow Jounouchi had unlocked it and was now gawking like some sick fuck, I made sure I was completely alone. I then checked the window to discover that the blinds were shut. Alone. Safe. Invulnerable. This is how it was back at home, at my mansion. There was no one around to see the me that truly was me. The Kaiba Seto whose body was something to be ashamed of, something for people to be appalled by, something for anyone to take one look at and immediately walk away.
I quickly felt self-conscious of the marks on my back that neither I nor anyone else could see. I knew they were there; they would always be there. While memories faded with time, scars would always remain, and I would forever be reminded of what was and would always be. The scars that criss-crossed along my skin, lacing my back. Whips, knives, even candle wax. Torture that sick men found pleasurable. Sadistic pedophiles with uncontrollable lust. The story of my life.
I could hear the doorknob rattle as it twisted, and then the unexpected creaking of the door as it opened. . . but I had locked it! “Jounouchi! What the fuck!” I whirled around as fast as my brain could register the action, trying to hide the marks that I so loathed, and snatched my shirt back up from the floor, covering my chest as though I were some sort of modest woman.
“What are those marks on your back?” He marched towards me, having seen what I feared most.
“The door was locked! How could you have gotten in?” I backed up against the wall, dropping my shirt when he came within inches of me; not exactly a position that I liked being in. I felt like a coward. . . a feeling that I was certainly not used to.
“The lock has been broken for a long time. . . what are those marks on your back?” Again with that damned question.
I sank to the floor, feeling utterly defeated after all that had happened tonight, “I. . . I’m not ready to talk about that yet, Jounouchi. . . please, let it go for now.” It was true. I was not yet ready to tell Jounouchi about Gozaburo and his business associates, or about Satoshi, or the truth about Saki, or my mother and father. . . in all honesty, I would likely never be ready.
“We said no secrets, Kaiba!”
“I know, I know, and I’ll tell you all about it. . . just not yet. Please, I just can’t bear it right now.” I clutched at my hair to make him feel bad and then forced tears to my own eyes for added effect. I really was getting flustered from everything, but not enough to really make me cry. I was past the point of crying. I wanted to just roll over and die right about now.
“Alright pretty-boy, finish changing and let’s get to that homework!” He clapped his hands together and grinned that stupid grin. He started to rummage through his bookbag.
“Pretty boy?” I felt heat rising into my cheeks. Why didn’t I yell at him? Why didn’t I slap him? Something felt funny inside my stomach, but it wasn’t nausea. . . an unexplainable feeling that I think I may have felt once before. What was this feeling, and why was I feeling it now?
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It took me longer than usual to complete my homework, due to the fact that I was stuck tutoring Jounouchi through the entire assignment. Did he not pay attention during class? No, probably not. He was well known for slacking off. It was alright though, doing homework with him. We got along alright and would chat idly about teachers and random students, not to mention the abundance of gossip that was constantly spread across the school. By the time we finished, it was about nine o’clock at night, and we both decided that we weren’t hungry enough to prepare dinner.
I decided that I didn’t mind sleeping in his bed tonight.
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Disclaimer: Oh my gods! Guess what??? I still don’t own it. . .
- - -
Recap:
“Seto, you can cry. I’m not going to make fun of you. I want you to trust me completely. Tell me; who is that man?”
“That man is. . . That man is Saki.”
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“Saki?” Jounouchi’s voice was barely audible in my mind. It felt empty and distant at the moment. That name, that awful name. . . that awful, wonderful name. Saki. . . I was pressed against the blond’s body. He was warm and his heartbeat was nearly soothing. His hands were rubbing lovingly at my arms, and I felt like a child. . . for a second I was reminded of my father, but the memory disappeared just as it had come, and I was left here on the street in Jounouchi’s arms, tears breaching my eyes and sliding down my cheeks. I wondered if he could see me crying in such darkness.
Yes, Saki. Jounouchi had said something about ‘it’s that guy’. Had he seen Saki before? Where had he seen him? Surely they weren’t friends. “Yes.” I was finally replying to the question that I had forgotten he had asked, “There’s no mistaking him. . . but, how did you. . . you knew him? How?” I pushed closer to him by accident, call it nature if you want. I’m sure any human would agree when I said that talking while upset and afraid was a difficult task. I tried to make my sudden sob sound like a cough, but it just made me sound even more pathetic. . . wait, did I say I was afraid? I was never afraid, and I never cried. . . pfeh, yeah, and I wasn’t rich either. . . I’m human. I cry, and I have fears. I’m human.
“He was in that store that you had wandered into at the mall.” I could feel his face on the top of my head, which is when I realized that I had gone weak in the knees and was very slumped up against him. I couldn’t bring myself to stand, and that upset me even more. Showing such a pathetic side of myself in front of someone from school. There was a different weight on the top of my head, as though Katsuya was leaning his own on top, but it went away after a short while. I didn’t want to stay outside in the darkness where that horrible person could find us. I wanted to leave, to go somewhere safe a warm with light. . . and a lock on the door.
“Katsuya. . .”
“Yes?”
“Please, can we go home?” I hated saying please, I hated crying, I hated leaning on others. . . but it was all that I could think to do. . . all that I could manage. I gazed into his face, and there was that terrible emotion. Pity. Above anything else, I hated pity.
“Who the fuck are you, you fucking punk?” Jounouchi spun quickly with me still in his arms. I went with him. I didn’t need to look. That voice echoed in my ears a million times over for the past four years. Had it really only been four years? It felt like a lifetime. My own prison inside my head where Saki’s voice was always present. . . his face on the backs of my eyelids when I tried to sleep.
My back was to Saki, considering Katsuya was facing him, and I felt so vulnerable, like Jounouchi would become frightened and hand me over. . . or sell me. Jounouchi needed money, right? He would probably sell me, should Saki offer. He would, that fucking bastard. People are awful. I shook at the chill that ran down my spine and clutched Jounouchi’s shirt. Perhaps he would take me home if I sounded absolutely pathetic. I didn’t care if he made fun of me for it later, I just wanted away from Saki! A noise came from my throat, and at first I didn’t know that it was me. It didn’t sound human. . . but it was the first thing that I could emit before my body would let me plead.
“Please, Katsuya! Let’s go, now!” His first name. . . yes, his first name was the key.
“Seto.” Saki’s voice again. The way he said my name. . . had I not already been putting my entire body weight onto Jounouchi, I would have fallen to the ground. I wanted to break down and cry in the street, to call to him, to call to Mokuba, to call to someone. . . but Saki wasn’t my protector anymore. . . I needed someone to protect me from him now. Jounouchi began to back up, still clutching tightly to me, his arms trembling slightly. Was Saki advancing? I wanted to turn and look, but I was afraid of what I might see.
“I love you, Seto.” I shook at his voice. . . those words that I always wanted Saki to say. . . why was he saying them now? After so much, why now? They meant to much back then, but now. . . now they are only sweet nothings. I could no longer speak, and simply stared Jounouchi Katsuya in the eyes. Could he not see that I was afraid? Was he also afraid? Did Saki have a weapon keeping us where we were?
“Come with me, Seto.” He used to say that too. Always, he would say that. He would take me away from my adoptive father’s bedroom or a guest room. . . I was always stripped naked and shivering. . . bloodied or battered, or both on some days. He would hold open his arms and tell me to come along. . . I buried my face into Jounouchi’s neck. Saki was so cruel. . . so fucking cruel.
“I will take you somewhere warm and quiet, Seto. I want to make up for what I did, Seto.” Saki was still muttering false promises. . . warm and quiet, how wonderful that sounded, how comforting. Yet, I could never feel comfort in his arms again. . . I longed for his embrace, but feared it just the same. He could never make up for what he had done.
“You w-want to m-make up for w-what you did?” I was muttering into the blond’s neck, but it was loud enough that the demon could hear. I was stuttering, but the fact that I was speaking at all was a magnificent feat, “You can do that by leaving me alone and never coming near me again! I don’t want to hear you, I don’t want to see you. . . fuck, I don’t even want to smell you! I don’t want to hear your name! Just the thought of you makes me want to throw up!” Did I really mean all of that? I really wondered. . . it hurt and yet. . . to see him again. . . I tugged roughly at Jounouchi’s shirt, “Please, Katsuya, let’s leave!”
“I’ll take you home.” Saki was offering us a ride? It was definitely time to leave.
“What?” Jounouch was actually listening to him?! What was he thinking?!
“I love Seto, whether he wants to see that or not. I don’t want him to have to walk home in this cold weather. I have a car and I’ll take him home.” There was a long pause, and I kept my head against my current guardian, “Just tell me where you live.”
“Don’t, Jou!” I jolted to stand upright and grabbed ahold of his arms, looking urgently into his eyes, “Don’t you dare tell him where you live! I’d rather walk!”
“Even if we walk, he can just follow us home.”
Okay, so he had a point. . . “But Jounouchi. . .”
“I’m not going to let him hurt you. Just trust me, Seto.” His voice was soft and his eyes were gentle. The color, it reminded me of chocolates, like on Christmas. . . He had a very kind face, “Do you trust me?”
“I. . . I do.” How could I not? Then again, how could I? I had trusted Saki. . . Saki’s grey eyes were gentle too. . . but they weren’t as warm as Katsuya’s eyes. Saki’s eyes were cold. They reminded me of metal. . . grey metal. . . handcuffs. . . restraints. . .
“Then let me handle this.” Jounouchi seemed so much bigger then, so much more brave than I had ever given him credit for being. He didn’t look like a cowering puppy, but more like a wolf that was preparing for the kill. He looked past me, now, at the one he despised. “Will you take the both of us?”
“No.” Came Saki’s reply, and I knew he wanted only to take me. That was likely his plan the entire time.
“Then we’ll walk.” He turned, with me still attached to him like a little boy, and we began to finally leave. . . but I could hear Saki speaking yet again. He suddenly didn’t sound so high-and-mighty.
“Wait, no. It’s too cold. Seto-koi might get sick.” I shook at the intimate nickname that I had become so used to those few years ago. . . “Follow me, damn punk.”
He had a different car than I remembered. It was now a Chrysler PT Cruiser (AN: I finally got that car, by the way. . . OMG, I should call it the Saki-mobile!) in perfect shape. The blond opened the back door for me and I hesitated a bit. Would Jou immediately follow me in or would Saki speed away with me? I had to trust that Jounouchi knew what he was doing. . . I slid in. Jounouchi began to come in, but Saki put his arm across the door to keep him from entering. I could see their mouths moving. . . having a conversation? This night was far too awkward for me. I was completely fatigued.
I was up against the window, my hands clasped together in my lap. The pup/wolf eventually appeared next to me. Yes, I was right to trust him. . . for now, anyways. My stomach was doing somersaults the entire trip. Though it was silent, except at moments where Jounouchi spouted off direction to his apartment complex, it were as though Saki gave off some sort of terrible aura. . . I could feel his presence. . . and that alone was enough to make me sick to my stomach. It was cold against the window. I wanted Jounouchi to put his arms around him again. I felt very safe that way. Woah, that doesn’t sound good! I don’t have the hots for him or anything. . . it just made me feel wanted and safe. It was nice to have a friend to protect me for once. . . he was a friend. A friend.
The car came to a stop in front of the apartment complex. . . and then it dawned on me why Jounouchi wasn’t against giving Saki his address. They were apartments! Once we disappeared into the stairwell, there was no way that Saki would be able to tell which apartment we entered! Haha! Brilliant! Woah. . . settle down. . . excitement really wasn’t the emotion for me.
“Seto, would you like me to walk you to the door?” He flashed an irritated smile. He obviously noticed his disadvantage. I dared to narrow my eyes at him and then turned away. I couldn’t bare to look at him. That face that used to seem so wonderful and angelic was now an image of Satan himself.
I scrambled out of the car the moment I could shove the door open and then bolted up the stairs, nearly slipping and falling in the process. Jounouchi was following quickly at my heels. I could feel Saki watching us as we ascended until the time until I knew we were out of his sight. I slowed down as soon as we came to a shadow and began to pant. It wasn’t often that I was starved for air.
“He’s not going to hurt you.” The blond reached out a hand to me and I slapped it away.
“How the fuck would you know! You don’t know anything about him!” I was trying to hold back my sobs, and this time I was winning the fight. It was late and I was yelling. . . so it came as no surprise that the old woman of the building popped her head out of her door.
“My goodness, who is it with such a foul mouth?” Stupid old hag. Old women were always so prim and proper with a strong dislike for foul language, violence and sex. . . how annoying.
“Uh, sorry Ms. Harajuku, my friend here is having a bad day.” He rubbed at the back of his head and shot me a glare.
I shrugged my shoulders and bit my bottom lip in mock apology.
“Oh, that little hottie of yours?” Woah, wait. . . hottie? “Well then, why don’t you boys mosey on up to your place and put on some romantic music so you can make him feel better, Katsuya?” She winked suggestively at him.
What. The. Fuck. Was she seriously suggesting that he take me upstairs and. . . this was beginning to sound like a bad yaoi manga. . . not that I knew what yaoi was or anything. . . seriously.
“Ms. Harajuku!” Jounouchi’s face was just as red as my own, “Uh, we have to go do some. . . homework! Yes, lots of homework to do for our classes tomorrow! Goodnight!” The fact that he hesitated made it sound like he really was going to do what she suggested. . . perhaps he knew that. He grabbed me by the wrist and dragged me up the next flight of stairs to his floor.
We burst into the door and I plopped, yes plopped, onto the couch. “Crazy old woman.” I did my best to resist the urge to cough. The smell of cigarette smoke was awful. I wondered if a cloud of the stuff came out when I sat down. . . and then had to stifle laughter at the image of it in my mind.
“She’s nice though. She lets me stay the night sometimes.” He shut his mouth quickly, obviously not meaning to say that.
“Does she? And why, dare I ask, do you stay the night at an old woman’s house?” I arched my left brow and crossed my legs.
“I. . . my. . . well sometimes. . . um. . . just forget it.” Did he think I was stupid or something?
“You’re dad gets that bad, huh?” I smiled, an almost pitiful smile (Even though I hate pity), and nodded. “You can’t hide such obvious things from me, Jounouchi Katsuya. Sometimes you’re like an open book.” I turned my head until I heard it pop and then yawned, trying to give him a sign that I was tired.
“Sleepy Kaiba-boy?” I glared at him and he laughed, taking the seat next to me. Was the thing a couch or a love seat, ‘cause that boy sat pretty damn close to me. . . close enough to make me stiffen up for a second. . . my whole body, not my dick. Get your minds out of the gutter.
“Tell me, Jounouchi, how are things with you and Mai?” That was the girl he liked, right?
“Who?” He gave new meaning to the term ‘dumb blond’.
“Mai, Kujaku Mai. You know, Duelist Kingdom, Battle City. . . I believe she was also one of those Orichalcos freaks. . . the blonde bimbo.” I pursed my lips, trying to remember where else I had seen her.
“Oh, I don’t know. She’s pretty cool. I only see her at tournaments though. Why do you ask?” Wrong answer.
“I thought she was your girlfriend.”
“Nope, I’m not into any girls.” Extremely wrong answer.
“So you are gay.” I put my hands in my lap, refusing to look at him, and nearly scooted away from him. . . except that there wasn’t any more space to scoot on to.
“What?!” He sounded very insulted. . .
“Oh come on! It’s dead obvious! You’ve been hitting on me for ages.” I was joking, of course. Jounouchi had been making some rather perverted jokes towards me, but that was just childish teasing. He was a punk kid, and that’s what people like him did.
“I have not! I just started hitting on you a few days ago!” Yeah, didn’t see that reply coming.
I looked at him, wide-eyed, “I was actually joking, but my ears detect that you were completely serious.” I eyed him, “Though that would explain a lot. You know, wanting me to sleep in your bed, wanting me to take my clothes off in front of you. . .” I gasped, leaping from the couch in complete distrust, “You probably really were going to rape me! You fucking sick-ass mother f-” I couldn’t finish my sentence. Jounouchi had shoved me back onto the couch and begun smothering me with a pillow. I began to flail my arms and legs wildly, fighting just to breathe.
“Shut up! Shut the fuck up! I don’t want to hear it! Be quiet, Seto! People like you should be seen and not-” The pressure was removed and I grabbed the pillow, chucking it across the room. He was on the floor on his knees.
“Seen and not what, Katsuya?” I couldn’t be mad at him. That wasn’t Jounouchi doing that. It was his father doing that, I just knew it. His mind was very readable.
“. . . heard.”
“Does he tell you that, Katsuya? Does he do things like that, Katsuya?” I kneeled in front of him, returning the favor for his comfort earlier, “Have you ever thought about getting medicated?” Yes, yes, pills are good. . . that doesn’t sound much like me. Had I remembered my medication? I should never switch meds ever again.
“Medicated?”
“I think that you keep reliving shit that your father does to you.”
“No, I-”
“What you just did,” I glanced back at the pillow, “was very unlike you. I may not know you as well as Yuugi and the others, but I do know that you aren’t the sort of person to try and suffocate me. . . only my competitors would try something like that.” I sighed and stood back up, tired of kneeling, “Anyways. . . about your sexuality. . . you can’t help who you fall in love with.” Yeah. . . no one could help who they fell in love with. I found that I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, though. . . why?
“Anyways, I’m going to do that homework that you excused us from that old woman with.” I decided to leave out the fact that I was going to be changing. . . I mean, what guy in his right mind would tell a homosexual that they were going to be taking their clothes off? I would basically be inviting him to watch. . . okay, so obviously I have nothing against homosexuality. . . but now that I knew for a fact that Jounouchi may have a crush on me, I would have to be more careful.
I stepped into this bedroom, making sure to lock the door behind myself.
My bags were just as I had left them, clumped together in a corner of his tiny bedroom. I had seen college dorms that were larger, to be honest. I felt like a child, sitting on the floor with my legs crossed just as we were made to do in elementary school, and digging through my luggage until I came across my pajamas.
Turning back towards the door, as though somehow Jounouchi had unlocked it and was now gawking like some sick fuck, I made sure I was completely alone. I then checked the window to discover that the blinds were shut. Alone. Safe. Invulnerable. This is how it was back at home, at my mansion. There was no one around to see the me that truly was me. The Kaiba Seto whose body was something to be ashamed of, something for people to be appalled by, something for anyone to take one look at and immediately walk away.
I quickly felt self-conscious of the marks on my back that neither I nor anyone else could see. I knew they were there; they would always be there. While memories faded with time, scars would always remain, and I would forever be reminded of what was and would always be. The scars that criss-crossed along my skin, lacing my back. Whips, knives, even candle wax. Torture that sick men found pleasurable. Sadistic pedophiles with uncontrollable lust. The story of my life.
I could hear the doorknob rattle as it twisted, and then the unexpected creaking of the door as it opened. . . but I had locked it! “Jounouchi! What the fuck!” I whirled around as fast as my brain could register the action, trying to hide the marks that I so loathed, and snatched my shirt back up from the floor, covering my chest as though I were some sort of modest woman.
“What are those marks on your back?” He marched towards me, having seen what I feared most.
“The door was locked! How could you have gotten in?” I backed up against the wall, dropping my shirt when he came within inches of me; not exactly a position that I liked being in. I felt like a coward. . . a feeling that I was certainly not used to.
“The lock has been broken for a long time. . . what are those marks on your back?” Again with that damned question.
I sank to the floor, feeling utterly defeated after all that had happened tonight, “I. . . I’m not ready to talk about that yet, Jounouchi. . . please, let it go for now.” It was true. I was not yet ready to tell Jounouchi about Gozaburo and his business associates, or about Satoshi, or the truth about Saki, or my mother and father. . . in all honesty, I would likely never be ready.
“We said no secrets, Kaiba!”
“I know, I know, and I’ll tell you all about it. . . just not yet. Please, I just can’t bear it right now.” I clutched at my hair to make him feel bad and then forced tears to my own eyes for added effect. I really was getting flustered from everything, but not enough to really make me cry. I was past the point of crying. I wanted to just roll over and die right about now.
“Alright pretty-boy, finish changing and let’s get to that homework!” He clapped his hands together and grinned that stupid grin. He started to rummage through his bookbag.
“Pretty boy?” I felt heat rising into my cheeks. Why didn’t I yell at him? Why didn’t I slap him? Something felt funny inside my stomach, but it wasn’t nausea. . . an unexplainable feeling that I think I may have felt once before. What was this feeling, and why was I feeling it now?
- - -
It took me longer than usual to complete my homework, due to the fact that I was stuck tutoring Jounouchi through the entire assignment. Did he not pay attention during class? No, probably not. He was well known for slacking off. It was alright though, doing homework with him. We got along alright and would chat idly about teachers and random students, not to mention the abundance of gossip that was constantly spread across the school. By the time we finished, it was about nine o’clock at night, and we both decided that we weren’t hungry enough to prepare dinner.
I decided that I didn’t mind sleeping in his bed tonight.
- - -