Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Behind Blue Eyes: Seto's Story ❯ Day Five: Silent Suicide ( Chapter 17 )

Behind Blue Eyes: Seto’s Story
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Disclaimer: Nope, I still don’t own Yuugiou.
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Recap:
“The mansion.” I ordered my employee, and away we went.
I had forgotten about Jounouchi for the moment. Right now, the only person on my mind was. . .
Saki.
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We couldn’t have arrived at the house fast enough. The driveway seemed longer than I remember and the gates took their time opening. With all of the surveillance and whatnot to keep people off of my property, how was anyone able to get in? Then I remembered that even I had been able to break into my own house before back during Duelist Kingdom when that flaming freak Pegasus tried to take over. Saki definitely wasn’t an idiot. He was given an education that was probably just as good as my own. His knowledge of my mansion’s security, however, should be minimal.
As I repeatedly ran the situation through my head, the driver took Mokuba and I right up to the front door. A couple of guards backed up to the car, guns in hand and eyes and ears alert for the intruder. I felt like I was in some movie where assassins were trying to murder the President. . . and I just so happened to be the President.
I held my little brother in front of me as I hurried the two of us inside, followed closely by the two guards that had accompanied us as we exited the vehicle. My driver, Saehara, left immediately.
“Have you all seen this person at all since Mokuba left to get me?” The two men followed Mokuba and myself down the left hallway, stopping when I stopped at a sconce.
“No sir,” the blond man replied, “There have been no more sightings of him since Mokuba left in the limousine, though a housekeeper did claim that she heard some sort of shuffling outside one of the guestroom windows.”
“Guestroom window? First story or second story? And was the window opened that she was able to hear that?” I shoved the sconce roughly upward, revealing a fist-sized hole in the wall. I reached inside and pulled out the handgun that I had hidden in there.
“The very last room in the East wing, mister Kaiba.” The brunet answered, “The room on the second floor. The housekeeper had opened the window in order to air out the room, after all, no one ever says in th-”
“That’s all the information I need.” I informed the two of them as I checked to make sure my weapon was still loaded; and it was. “You two return to your watch.” I glanced down at Mokuba, who looked too thrilled for comfort. “What are you so excited about?” I asked him.
“This is so damn cool! It’s like an action movie!”
“Watch your damn mouth!” I yelled, then smiled upon realizing my interesting choice of vocabulary.
“Practice what you preach, big brother.” Mokuba stuck out his tongue. “So. . . what do we do now?”
“Well,” My mind went through the situation one more time, “The room was on the second floor, so he would need a really large ladder to get up there and climb in. It’s surprising enough that a human was able to get on the premises, so I highly doubt he would be able to sneak a two-story ladder in with him. Anyways, if he is actually still in the area, he is still outside, quite possibly within the boundaries of the wall that surrounds a large portion of our property.”
“We live in a fort, Seto.” Mokuba said with a sound of awe.
“Heh, something like that.” I sighed, my heartbeat not quite as fast as it had been. Being with my brother always seemed to calm me down. It was like as long as I was with Mokuba, everything would be okay. I leaned down and hugged him, gun still secure in one hand, and planted a little kiss on his forehead, “I love you, Mokuba, don’t ever forget that.” I flashed a grin so that it wouldn’t be too awkward.
He chuckled, “I love you too, my dangerous older brother.” He said the last bit while pretending to fire a gun at invisible enemies.
A gun. Fire a gun. This gun in my hand. . . I hate guns. Guns are so. . . messy.
“What happened to the Seto who laughed and smiled and had so many friends?”
No, not that question again. Stop asking that question!
“What happened to Yagami Seto?”
He’s dead! He’s dead! He died a long time ago!
Gun shots, from the gun in my hand. . . he fell, he fell for good. He would never ask me that awful question. . . he would never ask me again.
“Seto? Seto?” Mokuba tugged on my arm, those wide eyes staring up at me with concern. “Are you okay, Seto?”
“Uh, yeah, I’m fine Mokuba.” I stared at the object in my hand, “Let’s just go sit in the livingroom until this whole thing blows over, okay?”
“Okay!” He chimed, leading the way.
“You aren’t a bad person, big brother.”
Yes, Mokuba was always the beacon of light that I needed to make it out of the darkness.
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The two of us sat on the floor in front of the couch so that we couldn’t be seen (or worse, shot at) through any of the surrounding windows. We chatted idly for what seemed like forever, eventually falling into a brief bout of silence that was interrupted by some crazed pounding on the front door(s). On instinct, I pulled Mokuba against me, holding the back of his head with my hand. No, now wasn’t the time to be cowering. . . I had to defend myself, my home, and most importantly, my beloved family.
I fled to the door, vaguely aware of Mokuba behind me as I went, flinging open the door with wicked speed. My target yelled something, but I wasn’t paying enough attention to recognize the word. I pointed the gun at the offender’s head, “Come any closer and I’ll blow your fucking hea- Jounouchi?” As I stared past the gun, I could see a mass of blond hair and a pair of giant brown eyes that appeared cross-eyed as Katsuya attempted to look at the weapon I had planted just above the bridge of his nose.
“Sorry.” Was all that I could think to say as I lowered my weapon and stepped back inside, shoving the handgun in a drawer. “Come on in.” My heart and body both needed a breather after that one. . . and Katsuya likely needed a new pair of pants.
He shook of the shock, “What the fuck do you mean ‘come on in’?! I was worried as hell about you!”
Isono, whom I hadn’t even noticed until now, ran up towards the door, shoving a gun inside of his suit jacket. I didn’t even know that he carried a handgun. . . it was probably high time I installed a few metal detectors in the corporate office.
So the mutt was worried. I turned away from him in embarrassment as I remember that I had abandoned him in some weird-ass dressing room at the mall. “I didn’t want to just disappear like that, but there were more important matters at hand.”
“So you weren’t kidnaped?”
“What?” I looked him dead in the eyes, surprised to find that he was completely serious, “Have you ever known me to get kidnaped, Jounouchi?”
“Well, no. . . but the woman said that you left with a black-haired person, and so I thought that-”
“Black hair?” A black-haired person? I left with. . . oh. “Mokuba, come here!”
Mokuba poked his head out from behind me, “Yeah, Seto? Oh, hey Jou!”
Katsuya said nothing. Instead, his eyes slid shut and his mouth fell to form a flat line, his entire body shaking just enough to be noticed.
“Are you alright, Jou?” Mokuba asked innocently.
The blond opened his eyes, “Well, I’m a bit angry for having got so worried for no reason, but at the same time I am relieved to discover that the one with black hair was you and not Saki.”
Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! Stupid fucking mutt! If I narrowed my eyes any further they’d be shut! Why in the hell did he have to go and mention that bastard’s name?! Mokuba wasn’t going to let me hear this end of this!
Mokuba gave me a look, “Saki? Saki has been around again and you didn’t even tell me?” He pulled on my sleeve to try and capture my attention. “Listen to me when I talk to you, Seto! Don’t’ ignore me!” He sounded just like his adoptive father when he said that. I couldn’t help but listen. I was conditioned to listen. To listen and to obey.
I stared my little brother in the eyes. His dark violet competing against my cold blue, a competition that Mokuba could never win.
Some outsider cleared his throat loudly to demand our attention, and we kept our glares as we gave him what he wanted. Jounouchi shrank back a little. I guess that wasn’t what he was expecting.
“What?” Mokuba sounded a little pissed, but he usually did when he found out I had been keeping a secret.
“Kaiba,” Katsuya began, addressing me, “Since we’re at your house, you think I could see some pictures?”
Was he trying to change the subject and keep my brother and I from fighting? “What pictures?” I asked, willing to go along with it for now.
“Pictures of you when you were a little kid, or maybe some photos of your real parents.”
Photographs of myself as a child? Photographs of my dead parents? What in the fuck was this dumbass thinking, bringing up something like that?! In front of Mokuba, no less! I could feel my whole body shake involuntarily as I worried about Mokuba’s reaction. He had always lived feeling guilty for the death of our mother, and even the slightest mentioning of her threw him into a slump.
I shoved my dear little brother into the house and slammed the door shut, “Look, you little bastard,” I said through clenched teeth, “I know you’re pissed that I took off at the mall, but I didn’t think that you would be the type to fight dirty. This is exactly why I never tell anyone anything!”
“Woah, woah! I didn’t mean to-”
“Don’t fucking interrupt me!”
“Oh shut up! I’m sick of hearing you bitch!” As he screamed his order, I couldn’t help but comply. It was awkward for him to yell like that, and apparently he thought so too, as I could see him hesitate for a moment afterward, “Just listen for a second before jumping down my throat, okay?” He let out a long sigh.
I suppose that he was right. Jounouchi wasn’t the type to think before speaking. His request to see the pictures was very likely a completely innocent curiosity. “I’m listening.” I informed him, as it didn’t appear as though he would continue speaking unless I told him so.
He smiled a pitiful smile and I couldn’t help but turn away as he began to speak finally, “I didn’t think that it would upset you if I asked to see some photos. I was only curious, and nothing more.”
A hand fell lightly upon my cheek, the backs of the fingers running across my skin and I couldn’t help but face him again in utter shock. His hand. . . on my cheek. . . my face. . . and yet. . .
“Why do you do that?” I think I asked, though I felt as if I was losing myself in his touch. Why? Why did it feel so. . . wonderful?
“Why do I do what? Touch your face?” He pulled his hand away and my face instantly felt a chill, my chest burning immediately.
“No!” I blurted by mistake, surprising myself.
He took a step back, just as surprised as me.
I turned away yet again, tired of constantly embarrassing myself like that, “No. . .” I repeated, whispering this time as if to erase what I had said before and replace it with a different tone.
A catcall whistle came howling from my left. “It’s not like that, Mokuba!” I yelled, forgetting that I hated sudden outbursts and turning to the window that I knew Mokuba was leaning from. The runt quickly withdrew, after snickering like a brat of course.
I grinned, a wild itch running down my spine. Hell, what hasn’t Jounouchi seen me do already? There was only one thing I couldn’t think of, and I didn’t see the reason to deny him the entertainment. I flung open one of the front doors and ran inside, grabbing Mokuba in a bear-hug and dragging him down to the area rug on the floor. “You little brat!” I scolded falsely, pinning him down as he kicked his legs and flailed his arms, tears streaming from his eyes as he laughed uncontrollably.
“You’re not really angry?” Mokuba asked, his hilarity subsiding as I stopped my uncharacteristic activities, “You’re smiling.” He pointed out, as if I didn’t already know.
I covered my mouth, pretending that he had told some dark secret. The truth was, I had smiled a lot more in the past few months than I had for years. It was probably ever since Battle City, when Mokuba pointed out that I never smiled or laughed. I wanted to change that so that Mokuba would be happy again. I smiled best when Mokuba was happy.
Jounouchi had found his way inside by then, “He smiles a lot lately.” He stopped a few feet away and I took this opportunity to lift myself off of the floor and offer a helping hand to my little brother.
“It’s because he has you, Jou.” Mokuba grinned, jabbing his elbow into my side.
It’s because I have Katsuya? No. . .
“It is not!” I growled, though I felt like a little kid denying a crush. “I’m smiling because. . . because I’m-”
“In love with Jounouchi!” With that, Mokuba fled up the stairs, obviously fearing for his life after a comment like that.
I sighed and shook my head. I’d be running around all day if I chased after that kid. He really was a handful. “Well then, shall we go up?” I put my right foot on the first step, my hand on the rail. “You wanted to see some pictures, right?” I glanced at him over my shoulder. I really didn’t want to show him pictures. I didn’t really want to look at them myself. My old family was just a distant, painful memory that I’d rather not reawaken. Without my parents, there wasn’t anyone left in my old family to even mention being related to. They were dead to me.
“Yes, I do.” He came up close behind me and I took this as the signal to begin the climb.
On the way up I could hear him stop for a moment as one step creaked rather loudly, “This house is really old. It’s been in the Kaiba family for a long time.” That was the same thing I told myself as I had climbed these same stairs as a teenager. The awful creaking in the dark as I was followed slowly upward into that same room. This feeling was all-too familiar. I hated how close Katsuya was to me.
“Oh.” He barely replied as he continued following.
“Hey Seto?” The blond jogged to catch up and walk beside me. Well, that was better than following so close behind.
“Yeah?” I asked, not really interested in the slightest bit.
“Have you ever seen a movie called The Shining?” He grinned. The shining? That movie was about a haunted hotel. . . oh for fucks sake. I slapped him on the back of his head, and that wiped the grin off his face, “Hey, what was that for?!”
“You’re a doofus.” I pursed my lips, though I couldn’t help from smiling a little. “My house doesn’t look like the hotel from The Shining.” Actually, it kind of did. . .
“But is it haunted?” He continued, actually sounding afraid.
I stood in place for a moment, rubbing at my chin to add to the suspense. I looked down at him with half-lidded eyes, “Hmm. . . I wonder. . .” With a smirk, I began to walk again. . .
. . . and yet I couldn’t help but wonder about it myself.
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As we arrived at my bedroom I opened the doors and led the way inside. Just as I had anticipated, the blond was mesmerized by my decorating skills. . . or um. . . maybe just my stuff. I’m pretty decent at decorating though, if I do say so myself. I think I went a little overboard with the blue, however. . .
“Do you like it?” I asked, but he just continued staring, his eyes eventually becoming fixated on my bed. “Jounouchi?” He just kept staring, not blinking even once. I smirked, “Alright, I’m going to lay down and you’re gonna screw me.”
I’ve never seen anyone’s head turn so quickly. Katsuya faced me, his eyes wide and his jaw slack.
“Yeah, I knew that would get your attention, you fucking pervert.” I smiled by mistake, “This is it. This is my room. Nothing special, eh?”
“It’s awesome!” He chimed, grinning like an idiot. “I wish that I had a room like this!”
Mokuba’s head popped into the doorway, “Alright Seto, I’m going now!” He practically yelled, “I’ll see you when you come home!”
During our chatting in the livingroom before Jounouchi nearly beat a hole in my door, Mokuba and I had decided that it was best if he didn’t stay in the house until the second week of the project came around and I would be home to take care of my brother and protect him. He was going to stay at an employees house. He was friends with their children.
I stepped over to him, ruffling his hair with one had, “Alright. Take care of yourself and have fun, okay? And don’t forget to e-mail me and call me at least once every day.” I snuck a peek back at Jounouchi and planted a small kiss on Mokuba’s forehead.
After honoring me with a tight hug around my waist, Mokuba bounded down the hallway, his bags swinging around as he did so.
“Where is he going?” The puppy questioned.
“He’s going to stay at the house of one of my closest employees. There are children his age there that he plays with. . . or hangs out with. . . at school, and he will be safer from Saki there. I wouldn’t put anything past him at this point.” I stared unintentionally at one of my windows, “But there’s no point in pondering over him, right? We were going clubbing!” I can’t believe that I forgot! What a perfect diversion from photographs!
“Well, we were, but. . . I don’t have an outfit, remember?”
Oh yeah, that’s why we were at the mall. . . “You can borrow some of my clothes.” I yanked open my closet doors and walked inside. Geez, the blond was even in awe at my closet. “I think I have something similar to the one in the store. The pants will be a little long on you, but it shouldn’t be bad enough to cause problems.”
He didn’t bother to follow me inside, so I had to go all the way back out once I had the outfit I picked out for him. It was very similar to the attire that I had grabbed back at that store. For some weird reason I had both a green version and a blue version. I probably didn’t like the green one, because green isn’t very becoming on me, and therefore purchased the blue one. I could wear the blue one and he could wear the green one! . . . would that be weird?
“I’m going to take a shower first, though. You can make yourself at home. There is a bathroom in nearly every guest room, so you can shower too, if you want. You can raid the fridge or something, or just snooze on a couch or a bed. . . not my bed though. Just. . . do something that won’t cause any trouble or mess.” With that I retreated into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me. The last thing I wanted was for him to walk in on me and do something weird. . . or maybe it was the first thing I wanted. . . no! Definitely not!
I wasted no time in peeling away my clothes only to find myself gazing into the mirror. I always seemed to follow the same ritual before showering. This body of mine. . . what did everyone else see that I could not? What made so many horrible people want this tainted body of mine? The scars on my wrists, the scars on my back. . . it hadn’t really been so long ago that my body was frequented by cuts and bruises. So why? Why did those around me adore it so much? And him too. . . Katsuya. . .
The thought made me smile. Katsuya like my body, yes, but he also liked more than that. He told me that he loved my smile, and that meant more to me than any shallow comment about my used body. My personality, did he like that too? Did he like my eyes? My laugh? My ideas? Did he like having conversations with me?
I climbed into the shower, turning on the water and allowing for it to run until it was hot before stepping underneath the showerhead.
Did my condition force Katsuya away? No. . . every time he was right there for me. He was there when I needed someone.
I loved the way that hot water felt against my skin. It was so soft and comforting. I loved how I could control the temperature to make it just the way that I wanted. It was wonderful to be in control of something.
After my abusive encounters as a young teen, I would always take a hot bath or shower to clean up and sooth my wounds. Sure it stung a little bit if there were any cuts, but the overall effect was nice. The way the steam from the water fogged everything up and made it difficult to see, like I was floating above the clouds and away from this hell called Earth. But in the end, the shower would be done and I would have to climb out onto the cold tile floor, a solid reminder that I was indeed still stuck in this prison.
It wasn’t really a prison anymore; there wasn’t a damn thing to stop me from packing up and moving to a new mansion while having the old Kaiba mansion demolished. No, there wasn’t anything standing in my way, and yet. . . I couldn’t do it. I found myself drawn to this old building. I belong in the Kaiba household, in the original house. My blood wasn’t Yagami blood; it ran with the stench of the Kaiba name.
Rag in hand, I lathered up some soap and scrubbed at my skin, wishing it would all just come off and I’d be nothing. Impossible. Why do I always wish for stupid things?
I rolled my eyes as I ran the soapy washcloth across my chest. Why was I washing my body first? I always washed my hair first and then my skin. So stupid. Why am I so distracted? Annoying, so annoying. No matter.
I continued to scrub at my skin until my whole body looked pink and then washed my hair. Out of order, but just as efficient.
By the time I finally finished cleaning myself, I found another disaster created by my own idiocy. I had left my clothes out in my bedroom. Sure, I could have just put my old outfit back on. . . if I hadn’t thrown it to the floor and allowed it to get soaked when I came out of the shower. I crossed my fingers as I opened the small closet in the corner of the bathroom and was rewarded with a robe that I had long forgotten about. I wouldn’t dare venture out into my bedroom butt-ass naked with Katsuya quite possibly still outside.
I cursed myself in the mirror for blushing as I pulled on the robe and went out.
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I huffed a sigh of relief when I found my room vacant, but I shut the bedroom door just to be safe. I didn’t want him walking in on me while I was changing.
Then again, a closed door tends to make people curious, and a door with no lock keeps no one out. . . as proven by the stupefied blond that wandered back into my room just as I had slipped off the robe.
I had my clean shirt over my crotch in a matter of seconds, hoping to whatever deity existed that he hadn’t seen anything. “What the fuck?!” I yelled at him to let him know I was more than pissed.
“Woah! Hey, your fault for not locking the door!” The mutt didn’t even pretend to cover his eyes.
“There isn’t a lock.” I muttered. None of the doors had locks anymore. Gozaburo didn’t want me to lock myself in any of the rooms, so he had them all removed years ago.
“Get dressed and let’s go.” He urged, coming close. I always loved how he didn’t dig into things that might bother me. . . whether he was conscious of doing so or not.
“Turn around first.” I ordered.
“Nuh-uh.” He smiled, staring even more intently.
“Fine.” I gave in, turning around. Okay, so he could see my ass, big deal. It wasn’t any different from any other ass on the planet. He had already seen the scars on my back. . . so yeah, he wasn’t seeing anything new or special.
“Daaaaaamn.” I uttered, dragging out the word for what seemed like an eternity.
I growled in response, dressing myself from head to toe as quickly as I could manage, my cheeks burning all the while.
The moment I finished, arms wrapped around me from behind, “I like you no matter what you wear.”
There was an awkward silence that left me with an uneasy feeling. His arms around me didn’t feel the same as they had before, in fact they felt like. . . they felt so protective, as though he was afraid to let go of me for fear that I would. . . Saki always hugged me the same way. It was that same protective grip and tone of voice.
Why?
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