Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Bible Stories, YGO Style: Season 2! ❯ Moses: Part 1 -- The Birth ( Chapter 4 )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
By: Toboe LoneWolf 
The Perils of Babyhood. Oh, the perils indeed...
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 01.06.2006 | Pages: 7 | Words: 4.1K | Visits: 284 | Status: Completed
The Perils of Babyhood. Oh, the perils indeed...
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 01.06.2006 | Pages: 7 | Words: 4.1K | Visits: 284 | Status: Completed
Toboe LoneWolf: What ho! I live!
Djanil: …I'm ecstatic.
Toboe LoneWolf: (grins) Onward!
Disclaimer: Toboe LoneWolf most certainly does not own Yu-Gi-Oh! She does have Director's and Author's discretionary power over the cast and crew for the purposes of fanfiction. So neener neener neer nyah. XP
Story #11: Part 1 – The Birth of Moses
Aka: The Perils of Babyhood x x x x x Toboe LoneWolf clapped her hands. "Yea! I think more people coming in! Are you ready guys?" Cast groan. "Alrighty then!" Toboe LoneWolf was all smiles. "Well, now that I've had a nice break, I've decided we need to take a leap of faith and embark on a heady endeavor!" Joey blinked. "Bwah?" Toboe LoneWolf struck a pose. "For we shall now play: The Story of Moses! Starring…" Ryou covered his face. "Oh no…" "Mokuba as Baby Moses!" "WHAT?!?!?" Mokuba leapt to his feet. "Are you crazy? There's no way I'm playing a baby!" Toboe LoneWolf blinked. "But you're the smallest male on the cast. Besides…it makes sense, since your older brother is going to play Moses later on." Deadpan silence. "I swear I am getting a lawyer." LoneWolf blinked at Kaiba. "Hmm. That is a problem. Then again," she grinned, "I do have authoress powers. And a license." "For torturing?" Bakura added acidly. "No, just general all-around control of your lives." Toboe LoneWolf shrugged. "I mean, how else am I supposed to write Alternative Universe fics, disease-driven fics, or direct skits involving crocodiles?" The YGO cast blanched. One half of them were dead white because of the Fear of the Power of the Authoress Over Their Lives In Peril, the other half because of the crocodiles. LoneWolf clapped her hands. "So, as for the other casting…we'll have Tea as the midwife, Serenity as Miriam, and Ishizu as the mom, and…oh boy…Mai as the Egyptian Princess." The cast stared. "Yes, we just barely fit all the female roles. Now…well, why not. Bakura, you're the Pharaoh." "WHAT?!?" Both Bakura and Yami leapt up. One in absolute joy, one in absolute horror. "Because Bakura's gonna die off soon anyway to make room for the new Pharaoh." LoneWolf added. Bakura stopped bouncing. Ryou sighed in relief. Yami walked over and grabbed LoneWolf. "And who, pray tell, is going to play that part?" LoneWolf smiled. "You'll have to find out." Pushing Yami aside, LoneWolf continued the preparations. "So extraneous roles as usual. I got more funding this time, and considering that we're going to do this story in parts, we're going to film this like a movie!" Silence, once again. "You're joking." "…Oh, but I never joke." Yami glared. "Okay, maybe sometimes. But yep, we're making a movie!" LoneWolf struck a pose again. Brandishing a home video camera. "So let us begin with scene one!" x x x x x "Okay, line up, there we go, that's it." LoneWolf motioned with her left hand, holding her video camera in the other. "Yugi, put your back into it! I want to see dirt flying!" Yugi rolled his eyes and dug a bit deeper with his shovel. The YGO cast was out in some unnamed field, doing various poses of hard labor involving shovels, dirt, and hoes. And boulders. Ryou grunted as he dropped a boulder. "Why do I have to carry these? Can't someone else do it?" LoneWolf blinked. "But it makes your plight so much more emotional. A tiny, weak guy like you forced to carry heavy objects with only your back…" Bakura snickered. Toboe LoneWolf stuck out her tongue, standing back, looking at the view. "Okay, I think I got it." Then she blinked. "Oh wait, forgot one thing. Guys, strip!" … "WHAT?.!.?.!" LoneWolf waved a hand. "Just the shirts, guys." Kaiba's forehead vein throbbed. "Excuse me?" "Well, you guys are all Israelite slaves. And you never see slaves, especially slaves in Egypt, wearing shirts…" LoneWolf explained. "So…take 'em off!" Yami growled. "That sounds so wrong…" Bakura nodded. "I say we mob her." "I say we roast her." Yami Marik added. The three yamis nodded in agreement and turned in predatory intent towards the authoress. "Tsk tsk tsk," LoneWolf waved a finger. "Director's powers." "Which would be…" Bakura growled. "Among other things, lightning bolts and humiliating roles?" LoneWolf raised an eyebrow. "Such as, oh, I don't know. I'm sure my imagination can come up with something. Something involving pins, your hair, and pink bubble gum, I'm sure…" Bakura blanched. "I'll be good." "That's a new one." Yami muttered. "So anyways…take 'em off! And dump some water on yourselves too, I wanna see sweat!" "Obviously, you are no longer going for a 'G' rating…" Kaiba muttered as he peeled off his white business shirt. "Oh no, this will still be kid-friendly, don't worry." LoneWolf assured. She stepped back as she observed her bishie mosaic. "Okay…positions!" The YGO returned to their portrayals of abject, indecent, unjust slavery. …Hm…portrayals may be pushing it… LoneWolf thumbed the 'record' button and began to narrate, doing a slow panoramic shot of the scene. "After the time of Joseph, the Israelites grew in numbers and multiplied. Then a new pharaoh came to power that did not know of Joseph. He saw their great numbers and feared that the Israelites would be a danger to Egypt by aiding their enemies. And so he commanded that the Israelites be enslaved." At various intervals of her speaking, Toboe LoneWolf brought up several hand drawn pictures into view of the camera. These were very badly done in pastels and in chibi form. 1) Bakura on a throne. He had a distinctively sourpuss face.
2) Bakura in fear. This was basically Bakura clutching something like a blankie.
3) Bakura giving out a command. This was a combination of sourpuss Bakura and enraged Bakura while clutching a blanket. "However, even under suppression the Israelites continued to multiply. So the Pharaoh called for the Hebrew midwives." Toboe LoneWolf stopped filming, cutting right in the middle of Ryou tripping over Yugi's shovel and about to fall with a boulder strapped onto his back. "Alright, cut! Next scene!" x x x x x "Hmmm, there's something missing," Toboe LoneWolf mused. Tea glared. The setting had changed to some important business office room. Complete with leather chairs dark oak wooden desk, and dramatic window view in the back. Bakura was seated on one side in the huge plush black leather chair and Tea on a lowly metal stool. LoneWolf snapped her fingers. "Aha! A fanner! A pharaoh always has one of those fanner people fanning him with those huge green leaves!" She browsed her cast list. "Hmmm…they're usually girls, young small, thin, and overly subservient…except we're kinda out of girls like that…" She waved a hand at Rebecca's expected outburst, "Yes, I know…but you don't fit the body type…aw, why not. For amusement purposes only, of course." She looked up. "Ryou, you be the fan boy." "…" Bakura laughed. "Oh, I like that. I like that." "But there's no plant to fan him with!" Ryou weakly protested. "Sure there is." LoneWolf pointed to a tall, leafy, some-unknown-name-or-another plant in the corner. "Over there." "I can't just rip off a leaf!" LoneWolf gave him a look. "It's plastic. Businessmen don't have time to water plants." "And while we're on that subject," Kaiba demanded, "May I ask why we are in my business room?" "…Director's powers? Oh, and Director's License?" LoneWolf added. "…and I thought being 'King of Games' was all powerful," Yami muttered. Ryou tentatively pulled out a plastic leaf and looked at the leaf dubiously before slowly fanning Bakura. Who sighed and leaned back in his chair, just to torture Ryou. LoneWolf waved a hand. "Alright, ready, set, film!" She thumbed the Big Red Button. "Now the king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, 'When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth, if it is a boy, kill him, but if it is a girl, let her live.' " In the background Rebecca was brandishing a poster saying, "FIRST POLITICALLY INCORRECT STATEMENT IN HISTORY." "But the midwives feared God and did not do what the King of Egypt told them to do. So he summoned them before him again." At this, LoneWolf cued the next action. Tea waved a big red "PRO-LIFE" sign and the rest of the cast started throwing plushies into the room, covering the floor…and adding up. As the pile grew, LoneWolf cued Bakura to speak. As plushies flew everywhere, Bakura growled. "Okay, woman. Why do these Infernal Plushies keep multiplying?" "I am pro-life!" LoneWolf coughed. "I mean, I am pro-choice!" LoneWolf coughed again. "I mean, I'm scared of God!" LoneWolf facefaulted, but let it side. "So God was kind to the midwives, and the people increased and became more numerous." LoneWolf waved a hand. "Cut! To next scene!" x x x x x Toboe LoneWolf shuffled some papers. "Okay, just stay in that position…one, two, three…filming!" "Now a man of the house of Levi married a Levite woman, and she gave birth to a son. When she saw what a fine child he was, she hid him for three months until she could hide him no longer." Like before, at appropriate intervals Toboe LoneWolf held up various pictures to accentuate the narration. 1) a diagram of a stick figure man plus a stick figure woman equaled a blob that was supposed to represent a baby
2) a picture of a smiling baby, clipped from some parenting magazine
3) a doodle of a baby stuffed into a box, supposedly a cupboard or closet or some secret hiding place, according to the large caption reading, "SECRET HIDING PLACE," with lots and lots of arrows pointing to the aforementioned secret hiding place. After this, LoneWolf panned to the posing family before her, composed of Ishizu, Serenity and a haphazard Shadi. They were holding a plushie Mokuba with forced smiles. "So when she could not hide him any longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch." Handing the plushie Mokuba to Shadi, Ishizu whipped out a bird's nest. LoneWolf slowly zoomed in with the camera. "And so began a most perilous journey…dun dun dun…" LoneWolf nodded. "Next scene!" x x x x x The YGO cast stared in horror. "You are joking, surely." Yami stated flatly. "Again." LoneWolf grinned. "Not this time either." She looked at the various dejected, horrified faces around her. "Oh, come on guys. We're just modernizing the story a bit. The Nile wasn't this joy ride, you know? It had crocodiles and mud and huge hippos." "…Hippos?" Joey laughed. "Aw sure, hippos are reaaaal scary." "You should be." Yami said darkly. "Yeah, yeah, fear the huge scary hippos." Bakura drawled. "Scared, Pharaoh…?" Yami raised an eyebrow. "When Ammit the soul eater is part hippo, yes. You should be, tomb robber." Bakura shut up. "But…but…" Ryou stuttered. "The…sewers?" "It's the closest approximation to the setting of Moses, the Nile, and Miriam. And plus, I wanna have some impact and cool scenes in this movie, you know?" LoneWolf pointed to a pile of biohazard suits. "So suit up, and get ready to get dirty." She grinned. After they all suited up, they all looked expectantly at Toboe LoneWolf. "Now what?" Seto remarked dryly. "I am so looking forward to going down into the sewers." LoneWolf turned sweetly to Rashid. "Rashid, would you please open a manhole for us?" Rashid blinked. Tristan leaned over aside to Duke. "Is that legal?" Duke leaned back. "Director's License." Tristan sighed. Rashid grumbled as he bent down in the middle of the street and pulled out a monster wrench. "Can't you ever fix things yourself?" He grunted with each turn. "No." Predatory grin. "I break 'em." Dead silence. Toboe LoneWolf flashed the victory sign. "Aw, just kidding guys. Come on, it's down the hole for us!" "We're oh so thrilled." Seto said sarcastically. x x x x x Toboe LoneWolf held the video camera up to her eye, slowly zooming out, letting the image of the sewer tunnels expand. "The Nile was a dangerous river, for all that it was essential to life in Egypt. Muddy, deep, infested with crocodiles and hippos, it was almost certain death for a babe in a basket." Toboe LoneWolf pressed the record button, turning it off. She turned to face Mokuba. Mokuba swallowed. "You mean you're gonna put me in a basket and make me float down on sewer water?" LoneWolf looked at him. "Of course not. You're too big." Mokuba blinked. "You're going to be the voice actor for this," LoneWolf held up a Mokuba plushie. "Just like how we did the disciples in 'Jesus Walks On Water.' " Mokuba facefaulted. LoneWolf turned to the rest of the cast. "And you're going to be the crocodiles and hippos after him. And Serenity, you're going to fight them off to let baby Moses passage." Serenity meeped. Joey blew up. "What the…! You ain't makin' my sis do that!" LoneWolf waved her hand. "She'll be fine, Joey. She'll be in a form-fitting biohazard body suit." Joey stopped ranting. "A what?" LoneWolf rolled her eyes. "Oh come on guys. This is going to be a movie. We need some action in it. And we can't have the main action female role in a clunky biohazard suit. She's gotta look cool." And with that, LoneWolf whipped out a sleek black biohazard suit with silvery inlines. Serentiy's mouth dropped. "I…I have to wear that?" "And do kung fu in it," LoneWolf said proudly. … "I can't do that!" Serenity wailed. "I don't know how to fight!" "Aw, don't worry about that, I'm sure your older brother taught you something, and anyways, that's what acting and special effects are for. Too bad we can't have a stunt double; it's kinda late to prep for that…" LoneWolf trailed off. With great apprehension Serenity took the altered biohazard suit. "Um…how do I change into this?" "Next tunnel to your right. Nobody's going to be looking," LoneWolf assured. Needless to say, Serenity was not assured. But we're not going to get into that. With a great deal of yelling, threatening, instructioning, and lightning-bolting, Toboe LoneWolf more or less got her cast into her desired positions. Ishizu at one end of the tunnel, holding a black plastic boat with a plushie Mokuba in it. Mokuba standing in the back with a tiny microphone hooked up to a sound system to amplify his voice. Serenity halfway on the sewer ladder. And the rest of the cast half-submerged in the sewer itself, staggered along the long tunnel. As for costuming…um…let's just say they were greatly oversized. And bulky. LoneWolf snapped her fingers. "Alright! Filming in one, two, three!" And she pressed the Big Red Button. "And so the loving mother placed the baby in the tar-covered basket and let it float down the Nile. His sister followed at a distance to see what would happen to him." Take One: Ishizu let go of the boat. It stayed there. "Okaaaaay…Ishizu, maybe you need to give it a little push…" Take Two: Ishizu let go of the boat. A large black sewer rat ran across, leapt on top of the boat, ripped off the plushie's head and capsized the boat. The entire cast screamed. Black shadow magic exploded, and sewer water exploded everywhere. "Oooooookay." LoneWolf whipped out another plushie. "I've got a spare." … Take Three: Ishizu let go of the boat. It floated down the tunnel. The YGO animal cast went, "ARRRRGGGH!" Panning over to Serenity, who was holding onto the ladder with one hand in the "cool female about to leap off into fighting action" position LoneWolf told her. LoneWolf cued Serenity. "Meep!" Serenity leaped off and fell splat into the water. Coincidentally, on top of the boat. Toboe LoneWolf blinked. She whipped out another plushie. "I've got several spares, actually." "What was this, buy one Mokuba, get one free?" Take Four: Ishizu let go of the boat. Serenity leapt gracefully off the ladder and landed in front of the boat in fighting position. What followed was basically a caricature of an Asian martial arts action film, involving leaping, punching, kicking, water splashing everywhere, Serenity attempting to do DBZ and Bruce Lee and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon combined, Mokuba screaming like a little girl, rats flying, and the boat being the Holy Grail. Toboe LoneWolf managed to get plushie Mokuba flying out of his protective boat and Serenity leaping for it caught on tape. She pumped a fist. "Oh yeah baby! That is so going to be on slo-mo!" Serenity held out a dripping, ragged plushie Mokuba. "But- but- I didn't…save him." "Eh, we can always edit it out." LoneWolf blinked. "Aw shoot. I forgot something." The YGO cast swallowed. Joey spoke the all-important question. "What?" "The crocodile." Toboe LoneWolf flipped out her cellphone. "Oi, Grandpa! Bring down the croc!" "WHAT?" "You can't be serious!" Yugi wailed. "But we need some live animal action," LoneWolf said. "Besides, we're not going to do the whole scene again. Just add in a bit of new footage with live animal action, that's all. Everything is under control." The croc landed in a splash. Its jaws gaped open. "…Mostly." Take Four, Part Two: "Okay, steady, steady…" LoneWolf warned. Grandpa grunted as he restrained the crocodile with its leash. "Hurry up!" Toboe LoneWolf motioned to Ishizu. "Toss 'im. Serenity, get ready to save…" Ishizu tossed plushie Mokuba in a slow arc. LoneWolf followed with the camera. Just as the plushie neared the gaping jaws, LoneWolf waved. "Serenity! Now!" "Aiiiiiiiiiieee!" Chop. LoneWolf looked down chewed remains. She pulled out another plushie. "Third time lucky?" Take Four, Part Three: Plushie Mokuba went flying. Mokuba did his voice acting job proud. Serenity took a leap of faith. Faith responded by having Serenity land smack-dab on top of the crocodile's mouth, clutching plushie Mokuba to her chest, squealing in fear. LoneWolf pumped a fist. "Love it! Perfect shot!" Serenity rolled off the crocodile's mouth. Crocodile roared. "Oh boy." x x x x x For the assurance of readers and viewers, let it be said that subduing the crocodile involved bludgeons, kicking, screaming, shadow magic, and Director's Powers. Thankfully, no suing was involved. Serenity shook and clutched onto her older brother's jacket. "I never want to do that again." Toboe LoneWolf held up her video camera proudly. "Oh, just wait Serenity. You see yourself in action in this movie, and you'll be begging for another action role." Serenity did not look convinced. Obviously. "Well, last scene guys." LoneWolf struck a pose, pointing upward. "To the upper world!" x x x x x Toboe LoneWolf chortled. "Oh, this is sweet." Kaiba glared. "This, is Very Wrong." Mai flipped her wet hair. "Oh come on, Kaiba. I like it. Who knew you had a waterfall in your workplace?" "It's not for bathing in!" Mai and LoneWolf rolled their eyes. "It's a movie." Mai was standing in a simple, elegant white bathrobe in the middle of one of Kaiba's water displays in KaibaCorp. A small waterfall that splashed down into a secluded corner amongst carefully carved marble rock. Green leafy plants artfully planted surrounded the area, making it a relaxing place for workers to take a break. Well, Toboe LoneWolf was taking advantage of the scenery. "Everybody in position? Yes? No? Doesn't matter, filming!" "Then Pharaoh's daughter went down to the Nile to bathe. She saw the basket among the reeds and, once opening it, saw the baby. He was crying, and she felt sorry for him. 'This is one of the Hebrew babies,' she said." Mai trailed a hand down her body. From above, the (washed) boat carrying its precious plushie cargo floated over the edge of the waterfall, tilted, and went sploooooosh! Mai flickered a strand of wet hair off her face. "Oh look. A present from the Nile." She walked over to the boat and flipped open the lid. She pulled out the plushie. "And it's a baby. Woot." Aside, Joey whispered to Yami. "Did Egyptains say 'woot' back then?" Yami gave him a Look. "No." "Then Miriam asked Pharaoh's daughter, 'Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to take care of the baby for you?' " Serenity popped in from behind the green unnamed jungle-looking leafy plant things. That were not plastic. Woot. "Um, shall I get one of the, uh, Hebrew women to take care of the baby?" Mai shrugged. "Sure. Why not?" "And the girl went and got the baby's mother, who took care of him under Pharaoh's daughter's orders." LoneWolf turned to do a quick shot of Ishizu and family once again, although this time Mokuba was actually in the picture instead of his plushie-double. They posed in front of the KaibaCorp sign, although they were strategically standing so that the name was covered up… "And when the child grew older, he was taken to Pharaoh's daughter and he became her son. And she named him 'Moses.' " Ishizu presented Mokuba to Mai. In a cute little tuxedo. Because Toboe LoneWolf wanted to. …Well, in the name of acting… Mai squealed. "He's so cuuuuuuute!" Mokuba blanched. Mai wrapped her arms around Mokuba and hugged him tight. "I shall hug him and squeeze him and name him George!" LoneWolf facefaulted. "…I mean, Moses." Toboe LoneWolf pressed the Big Red Button. "Eh, that'll do. That wraps it up, cast! The Story of Moses, Part 1 has been filmed!" She blinked. "Well, except for the editing. Aw pooh. That's always a pain in the butt. Crazy Windows…I wanna Mac…" "Like a McDonalds Mac?" Joey popped up. "Yeah, that too…" Toboe LoneWolf blinked. "Eh, what the heck." She struck another pose. "All right cast! It's time for a celebration at McDonalds! And then after we feast on McNuggets and Big Macs and French fries, we shall proceed with filming Part 2: Running With Bushes!" "…"
Story #11: Part 1 – The Birth of Moses
Aka: The Perils of Babyhood x x x x x Toboe LoneWolf clapped her hands. "Yea! I think more people coming in! Are you ready guys?" Cast groan. "Alrighty then!" Toboe LoneWolf was all smiles. "Well, now that I've had a nice break, I've decided we need to take a leap of faith and embark on a heady endeavor!" Joey blinked. "Bwah?" Toboe LoneWolf struck a pose. "For we shall now play: The Story of Moses! Starring…" Ryou covered his face. "Oh no…" "Mokuba as Baby Moses!" "WHAT?!?!?" Mokuba leapt to his feet. "Are you crazy? There's no way I'm playing a baby!" Toboe LoneWolf blinked. "But you're the smallest male on the cast. Besides…it makes sense, since your older brother is going to play Moses later on." Deadpan silence. "I swear I am getting a lawyer." LoneWolf blinked at Kaiba. "Hmm. That is a problem. Then again," she grinned, "I do have authoress powers. And a license." "For torturing?" Bakura added acidly. "No, just general all-around control of your lives." Toboe LoneWolf shrugged. "I mean, how else am I supposed to write Alternative Universe fics, disease-driven fics, or direct skits involving crocodiles?" The YGO cast blanched. One half of them were dead white because of the Fear of the Power of the Authoress Over Their Lives In Peril, the other half because of the crocodiles. LoneWolf clapped her hands. "So, as for the other casting…we'll have Tea as the midwife, Serenity as Miriam, and Ishizu as the mom, and…oh boy…Mai as the Egyptian Princess." The cast stared. "Yes, we just barely fit all the female roles. Now…well, why not. Bakura, you're the Pharaoh." "WHAT?!?" Both Bakura and Yami leapt up. One in absolute joy, one in absolute horror. "Because Bakura's gonna die off soon anyway to make room for the new Pharaoh." LoneWolf added. Bakura stopped bouncing. Ryou sighed in relief. Yami walked over and grabbed LoneWolf. "And who, pray tell, is going to play that part?" LoneWolf smiled. "You'll have to find out." Pushing Yami aside, LoneWolf continued the preparations. "So extraneous roles as usual. I got more funding this time, and considering that we're going to do this story in parts, we're going to film this like a movie!" Silence, once again. "You're joking." "…Oh, but I never joke." Yami glared. "Okay, maybe sometimes. But yep, we're making a movie!" LoneWolf struck a pose again. Brandishing a home video camera. "So let us begin with scene one!" x x x x x "Okay, line up, there we go, that's it." LoneWolf motioned with her left hand, holding her video camera in the other. "Yugi, put your back into it! I want to see dirt flying!" Yugi rolled his eyes and dug a bit deeper with his shovel. The YGO cast was out in some unnamed field, doing various poses of hard labor involving shovels, dirt, and hoes. And boulders. Ryou grunted as he dropped a boulder. "Why do I have to carry these? Can't someone else do it?" LoneWolf blinked. "But it makes your plight so much more emotional. A tiny, weak guy like you forced to carry heavy objects with only your back…" Bakura snickered. Toboe LoneWolf stuck out her tongue, standing back, looking at the view. "Okay, I think I got it." Then she blinked. "Oh wait, forgot one thing. Guys, strip!" … "WHAT?.!.?.!" LoneWolf waved a hand. "Just the shirts, guys." Kaiba's forehead vein throbbed. "Excuse me?" "Well, you guys are all Israelite slaves. And you never see slaves, especially slaves in Egypt, wearing shirts…" LoneWolf explained. "So…take 'em off!" Yami growled. "That sounds so wrong…" Bakura nodded. "I say we mob her." "I say we roast her." Yami Marik added. The three yamis nodded in agreement and turned in predatory intent towards the authoress. "Tsk tsk tsk," LoneWolf waved a finger. "Director's powers." "Which would be…" Bakura growled. "Among other things, lightning bolts and humiliating roles?" LoneWolf raised an eyebrow. "Such as, oh, I don't know. I'm sure my imagination can come up with something. Something involving pins, your hair, and pink bubble gum, I'm sure…" Bakura blanched. "I'll be good." "That's a new one." Yami muttered. "So anyways…take 'em off! And dump some water on yourselves too, I wanna see sweat!" "Obviously, you are no longer going for a 'G' rating…" Kaiba muttered as he peeled off his white business shirt. "Oh no, this will still be kid-friendly, don't worry." LoneWolf assured. She stepped back as she observed her bishie mosaic. "Okay…positions!" The YGO returned to their portrayals of abject, indecent, unjust slavery. …Hm…portrayals may be pushing it… LoneWolf thumbed the 'record' button and began to narrate, doing a slow panoramic shot of the scene. "After the time of Joseph, the Israelites grew in numbers and multiplied. Then a new pharaoh came to power that did not know of Joseph. He saw their great numbers and feared that the Israelites would be a danger to Egypt by aiding their enemies. And so he commanded that the Israelites be enslaved." At various intervals of her speaking, Toboe LoneWolf brought up several hand drawn pictures into view of the camera. These were very badly done in pastels and in chibi form. 1) Bakura on a throne. He had a distinctively sourpuss face.
2) Bakura in fear. This was basically Bakura clutching something like a blankie.
3) Bakura giving out a command. This was a combination of sourpuss Bakura and enraged Bakura while clutching a blanket. "However, even under suppression the Israelites continued to multiply. So the Pharaoh called for the Hebrew midwives." Toboe LoneWolf stopped filming, cutting right in the middle of Ryou tripping over Yugi's shovel and about to fall with a boulder strapped onto his back. "Alright, cut! Next scene!" x x x x x "Hmmm, there's something missing," Toboe LoneWolf mused. Tea glared. The setting had changed to some important business office room. Complete with leather chairs dark oak wooden desk, and dramatic window view in the back. Bakura was seated on one side in the huge plush black leather chair and Tea on a lowly metal stool. LoneWolf snapped her fingers. "Aha! A fanner! A pharaoh always has one of those fanner people fanning him with those huge green leaves!" She browsed her cast list. "Hmmm…they're usually girls, young small, thin, and overly subservient…except we're kinda out of girls like that…" She waved a hand at Rebecca's expected outburst, "Yes, I know…but you don't fit the body type…aw, why not. For amusement purposes only, of course." She looked up. "Ryou, you be the fan boy." "…" Bakura laughed. "Oh, I like that. I like that." "But there's no plant to fan him with!" Ryou weakly protested. "Sure there is." LoneWolf pointed to a tall, leafy, some-unknown-name-or-another plant in the corner. "Over there." "I can't just rip off a leaf!" LoneWolf gave him a look. "It's plastic. Businessmen don't have time to water plants." "And while we're on that subject," Kaiba demanded, "May I ask why we are in my business room?" "…Director's powers? Oh, and Director's License?" LoneWolf added. "…and I thought being 'King of Games' was all powerful," Yami muttered. Ryou tentatively pulled out a plastic leaf and looked at the leaf dubiously before slowly fanning Bakura. Who sighed and leaned back in his chair, just to torture Ryou. LoneWolf waved a hand. "Alright, ready, set, film!" She thumbed the Big Red Button. "Now the king of Egypt said to the Hebrew midwives, 'When you help the Hebrew women in childbirth, if it is a boy, kill him, but if it is a girl, let her live.' " In the background Rebecca was brandishing a poster saying, "FIRST POLITICALLY INCORRECT STATEMENT IN HISTORY." "But the midwives feared God and did not do what the King of Egypt told them to do. So he summoned them before him again." At this, LoneWolf cued the next action. Tea waved a big red "PRO-LIFE" sign and the rest of the cast started throwing plushies into the room, covering the floor…and adding up. As the pile grew, LoneWolf cued Bakura to speak. As plushies flew everywhere, Bakura growled. "Okay, woman. Why do these Infernal Plushies keep multiplying?" "I am pro-life!" LoneWolf coughed. "I mean, I am pro-choice!" LoneWolf coughed again. "I mean, I'm scared of God!" LoneWolf facefaulted, but let it side. "So God was kind to the midwives, and the people increased and became more numerous." LoneWolf waved a hand. "Cut! To next scene!" x x x x x Toboe LoneWolf shuffled some papers. "Okay, just stay in that position…one, two, three…filming!" "Now a man of the house of Levi married a Levite woman, and she gave birth to a son. When she saw what a fine child he was, she hid him for three months until she could hide him no longer." Like before, at appropriate intervals Toboe LoneWolf held up various pictures to accentuate the narration. 1) a diagram of a stick figure man plus a stick figure woman equaled a blob that was supposed to represent a baby
2) a picture of a smiling baby, clipped from some parenting magazine
3) a doodle of a baby stuffed into a box, supposedly a cupboard or closet or some secret hiding place, according to the large caption reading, "SECRET HIDING PLACE," with lots and lots of arrows pointing to the aforementioned secret hiding place. After this, LoneWolf panned to the posing family before her, composed of Ishizu, Serenity and a haphazard Shadi. They were holding a plushie Mokuba with forced smiles. "So when she could not hide him any longer, she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch." Handing the plushie Mokuba to Shadi, Ishizu whipped out a bird's nest. LoneWolf slowly zoomed in with the camera. "And so began a most perilous journey…dun dun dun…" LoneWolf nodded. "Next scene!" x x x x x The YGO cast stared in horror. "You are joking, surely." Yami stated flatly. "Again." LoneWolf grinned. "Not this time either." She looked at the various dejected, horrified faces around her. "Oh, come on guys. We're just modernizing the story a bit. The Nile wasn't this joy ride, you know? It had crocodiles and mud and huge hippos." "…Hippos?" Joey laughed. "Aw sure, hippos are reaaaal scary." "You should be." Yami said darkly. "Yeah, yeah, fear the huge scary hippos." Bakura drawled. "Scared, Pharaoh…?" Yami raised an eyebrow. "When Ammit the soul eater is part hippo, yes. You should be, tomb robber." Bakura shut up. "But…but…" Ryou stuttered. "The…sewers?" "It's the closest approximation to the setting of Moses, the Nile, and Miriam. And plus, I wanna have some impact and cool scenes in this movie, you know?" LoneWolf pointed to a pile of biohazard suits. "So suit up, and get ready to get dirty." She grinned. After they all suited up, they all looked expectantly at Toboe LoneWolf. "Now what?" Seto remarked dryly. "I am so looking forward to going down into the sewers." LoneWolf turned sweetly to Rashid. "Rashid, would you please open a manhole for us?" Rashid blinked. Tristan leaned over aside to Duke. "Is that legal?" Duke leaned back. "Director's License." Tristan sighed. Rashid grumbled as he bent down in the middle of the street and pulled out a monster wrench. "Can't you ever fix things yourself?" He grunted with each turn. "No." Predatory grin. "I break 'em." Dead silence. Toboe LoneWolf flashed the victory sign. "Aw, just kidding guys. Come on, it's down the hole for us!" "We're oh so thrilled." Seto said sarcastically. x x x x x Toboe LoneWolf held the video camera up to her eye, slowly zooming out, letting the image of the sewer tunnels expand. "The Nile was a dangerous river, for all that it was essential to life in Egypt. Muddy, deep, infested with crocodiles and hippos, it was almost certain death for a babe in a basket." Toboe LoneWolf pressed the record button, turning it off. She turned to face Mokuba. Mokuba swallowed. "You mean you're gonna put me in a basket and make me float down on sewer water?" LoneWolf looked at him. "Of course not. You're too big." Mokuba blinked. "You're going to be the voice actor for this," LoneWolf held up a Mokuba plushie. "Just like how we did the disciples in 'Jesus Walks On Water.' " Mokuba facefaulted. LoneWolf turned to the rest of the cast. "And you're going to be the crocodiles and hippos after him. And Serenity, you're going to fight them off to let baby Moses passage." Serenity meeped. Joey blew up. "What the…! You ain't makin' my sis do that!" LoneWolf waved her hand. "She'll be fine, Joey. She'll be in a form-fitting biohazard body suit." Joey stopped ranting. "A what?" LoneWolf rolled her eyes. "Oh come on guys. This is going to be a movie. We need some action in it. And we can't have the main action female role in a clunky biohazard suit. She's gotta look cool." And with that, LoneWolf whipped out a sleek black biohazard suit with silvery inlines. Serentiy's mouth dropped. "I…I have to wear that?" "And do kung fu in it," LoneWolf said proudly. … "I can't do that!" Serenity wailed. "I don't know how to fight!" "Aw, don't worry about that, I'm sure your older brother taught you something, and anyways, that's what acting and special effects are for. Too bad we can't have a stunt double; it's kinda late to prep for that…" LoneWolf trailed off. With great apprehension Serenity took the altered biohazard suit. "Um…how do I change into this?" "Next tunnel to your right. Nobody's going to be looking," LoneWolf assured. Needless to say, Serenity was not assured. But we're not going to get into that. With a great deal of yelling, threatening, instructioning, and lightning-bolting, Toboe LoneWolf more or less got her cast into her desired positions. Ishizu at one end of the tunnel, holding a black plastic boat with a plushie Mokuba in it. Mokuba standing in the back with a tiny microphone hooked up to a sound system to amplify his voice. Serenity halfway on the sewer ladder. And the rest of the cast half-submerged in the sewer itself, staggered along the long tunnel. As for costuming…um…let's just say they were greatly oversized. And bulky. LoneWolf snapped her fingers. "Alright! Filming in one, two, three!" And she pressed the Big Red Button. "And so the loving mother placed the baby in the tar-covered basket and let it float down the Nile. His sister followed at a distance to see what would happen to him." Take One: Ishizu let go of the boat. It stayed there. "Okaaaaay…Ishizu, maybe you need to give it a little push…" Take Two: Ishizu let go of the boat. A large black sewer rat ran across, leapt on top of the boat, ripped off the plushie's head and capsized the boat. The entire cast screamed. Black shadow magic exploded, and sewer water exploded everywhere. "Oooooookay." LoneWolf whipped out another plushie. "I've got a spare." … Take Three: Ishizu let go of the boat. It floated down the tunnel. The YGO animal cast went, "ARRRRGGGH!" Panning over to Serenity, who was holding onto the ladder with one hand in the "cool female about to leap off into fighting action" position LoneWolf told her. LoneWolf cued Serenity. "Meep!" Serenity leaped off and fell splat into the water. Coincidentally, on top of the boat. Toboe LoneWolf blinked. She whipped out another plushie. "I've got several spares, actually." "What was this, buy one Mokuba, get one free?" Take Four: Ishizu let go of the boat. Serenity leapt gracefully off the ladder and landed in front of the boat in fighting position. What followed was basically a caricature of an Asian martial arts action film, involving leaping, punching, kicking, water splashing everywhere, Serenity attempting to do DBZ and Bruce Lee and Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon combined, Mokuba screaming like a little girl, rats flying, and the boat being the Holy Grail. Toboe LoneWolf managed to get plushie Mokuba flying out of his protective boat and Serenity leaping for it caught on tape. She pumped a fist. "Oh yeah baby! That is so going to be on slo-mo!" Serenity held out a dripping, ragged plushie Mokuba. "But- but- I didn't…save him." "Eh, we can always edit it out." LoneWolf blinked. "Aw shoot. I forgot something." The YGO cast swallowed. Joey spoke the all-important question. "What?" "The crocodile." Toboe LoneWolf flipped out her cellphone. "Oi, Grandpa! Bring down the croc!" "WHAT?" "You can't be serious!" Yugi wailed. "But we need some live animal action," LoneWolf said. "Besides, we're not going to do the whole scene again. Just add in a bit of new footage with live animal action, that's all. Everything is under control." The croc landed in a splash. Its jaws gaped open. "…Mostly." Take Four, Part Two: "Okay, steady, steady…" LoneWolf warned. Grandpa grunted as he restrained the crocodile with its leash. "Hurry up!" Toboe LoneWolf motioned to Ishizu. "Toss 'im. Serenity, get ready to save…" Ishizu tossed plushie Mokuba in a slow arc. LoneWolf followed with the camera. Just as the plushie neared the gaping jaws, LoneWolf waved. "Serenity! Now!" "Aiiiiiiiiiieee!" Chop. LoneWolf looked down chewed remains. She pulled out another plushie. "Third time lucky?" Take Four, Part Three: Plushie Mokuba went flying. Mokuba did his voice acting job proud. Serenity took a leap of faith. Faith responded by having Serenity land smack-dab on top of the crocodile's mouth, clutching plushie Mokuba to her chest, squealing in fear. LoneWolf pumped a fist. "Love it! Perfect shot!" Serenity rolled off the crocodile's mouth. Crocodile roared. "Oh boy." x x x x x For the assurance of readers and viewers, let it be said that subduing the crocodile involved bludgeons, kicking, screaming, shadow magic, and Director's Powers. Thankfully, no suing was involved. Serenity shook and clutched onto her older brother's jacket. "I never want to do that again." Toboe LoneWolf held up her video camera proudly. "Oh, just wait Serenity. You see yourself in action in this movie, and you'll be begging for another action role." Serenity did not look convinced. Obviously. "Well, last scene guys." LoneWolf struck a pose, pointing upward. "To the upper world!" x x x x x Toboe LoneWolf chortled. "Oh, this is sweet." Kaiba glared. "This, is Very Wrong." Mai flipped her wet hair. "Oh come on, Kaiba. I like it. Who knew you had a waterfall in your workplace?" "It's not for bathing in!" Mai and LoneWolf rolled their eyes. "It's a movie." Mai was standing in a simple, elegant white bathrobe in the middle of one of Kaiba's water displays in KaibaCorp. A small waterfall that splashed down into a secluded corner amongst carefully carved marble rock. Green leafy plants artfully planted surrounded the area, making it a relaxing place for workers to take a break. Well, Toboe LoneWolf was taking advantage of the scenery. "Everybody in position? Yes? No? Doesn't matter, filming!" "Then Pharaoh's daughter went down to the Nile to bathe. She saw the basket among the reeds and, once opening it, saw the baby. He was crying, and she felt sorry for him. 'This is one of the Hebrew babies,' she said." Mai trailed a hand down her body. From above, the (washed) boat carrying its precious plushie cargo floated over the edge of the waterfall, tilted, and went sploooooosh! Mai flickered a strand of wet hair off her face. "Oh look. A present from the Nile." She walked over to the boat and flipped open the lid. She pulled out the plushie. "And it's a baby. Woot." Aside, Joey whispered to Yami. "Did Egyptains say 'woot' back then?" Yami gave him a Look. "No." "Then Miriam asked Pharaoh's daughter, 'Shall I go and get one of the Hebrew women to take care of the baby for you?' " Serenity popped in from behind the green unnamed jungle-looking leafy plant things. That were not plastic. Woot. "Um, shall I get one of the, uh, Hebrew women to take care of the baby?" Mai shrugged. "Sure. Why not?" "And the girl went and got the baby's mother, who took care of him under Pharaoh's daughter's orders." LoneWolf turned to do a quick shot of Ishizu and family once again, although this time Mokuba was actually in the picture instead of his plushie-double. They posed in front of the KaibaCorp sign, although they were strategically standing so that the name was covered up… "And when the child grew older, he was taken to Pharaoh's daughter and he became her son. And she named him 'Moses.' " Ishizu presented Mokuba to Mai. In a cute little tuxedo. Because Toboe LoneWolf wanted to. …Well, in the name of acting… Mai squealed. "He's so cuuuuuuute!" Mokuba blanched. Mai wrapped her arms around Mokuba and hugged him tight. "I shall hug him and squeeze him and name him George!" LoneWolf facefaulted. "…I mean, Moses." Toboe LoneWolf pressed the Big Red Button. "Eh, that'll do. That wraps it up, cast! The Story of Moses, Part 1 has been filmed!" She blinked. "Well, except for the editing. Aw pooh. That's always a pain in the butt. Crazy Windows…I wanna Mac…" "Like a McDonalds Mac?" Joey popped up. "Yeah, that too…" Toboe LoneWolf blinked. "Eh, what the heck." She struck another pose. "All right cast! It's time for a celebration at McDonalds! And then after we feast on McNuggets and Big Macs and French fries, we shall proceed with filming Part 2: Running With Bushes!" "…"