Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Breaking the Habit ❯ Breaking the Habit ( Chapter 1 )

Breaking the Habit

Okay, I finally got time at work now to hand-write fics again. I wanted to get a YxYY one out, but this one wouldn't leave me alone.

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh!, Lord of the Rings, or "Breaking the Habit". Takahashi owns Yu-Gi-Oh!, J.R.R Tolkien owns Lord of the Rings, and Linkin Park owns "Breaking the Habit".

Warnings: Self injury, Implied abuse, bizarre use of blood, and one swear word.

Notes: This is loosely taken from a conversation I had with one of my best friends and the plot is based on some of my life (the Self Injury). However, my father hasn't abused me in any way and my parents are still married, I haven't tried to kill myself, and have never painted on the walls in blood.

Read and review, I enjoy reading them. This will probably be a one-shot, unless I feel like tying in "Numb" to this fic…maybe. =) Enjoy!

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Jou sat in his room feeling incredibly low. He'd been dealing with Self Injury for the last six years. He use to cut himself, but had not taken up scratching. It had all started when his parents divorced. He constantly blamed himself for their separation. Now, he was forced to live with his alcoholic father, who also abused him physically, mentally, and sexually at least once a week. To cope with everything, Jou turned to Self Injury. He was now trying to quit, but no matter how hard his resolve, he always fell back to what was familiar.

~Memories consume, like opening the wound

I'm picking me apart again

You all assume, I'm safe here in my room

Unless I try to start again~

The night before, Jou's father decided to beat on his son. Coming home drunk, he found Jou in his room reading The Fellowship of the Ring. Without warning, Jou's father had his son pinned against the wall raining blows to the blonde's exposed body. Either when his father tired of beating on him, or the alcohol kicked in, the older man finally stopped and let Jou's body fall to the floor. Jou sat there for the longest time mentally justifying why he was just attacked.

"I'm not good enough for my father. My grades have been slipping a little, but I had extra hours given to me. I haven't been home because of being with Seto when I've been off." Jou evaluated himself.

He knew Kaiba had seen the self inflicted scars and lines and the bruises and marks from his father covering his body. It wasn't that hard to miss. For some reason, Seto hadn't brought up the subject till just recently. "Jou, what happened to you? It looks like you were attacked."

"Nothing." Came the reply.

Kaiba knew from his past experience that Jou was beaten regularly. Why he didn't know, but he could see in Jou's honey-colored eyes the pain that the boy never wore outwardly. "Love, don't hold it inside. It will eventually destroy you. Whatever you're doing, it's not good. I can see it taking control of you."

Jou remained silent, but he looked at the twin pools of cobalt that looked at him with concern. Finally, he said, "I want to stop…I don't know how."

That was the first time Jou came out about his Self Injury. The last was to his gang of friends. He promised them that he'd be okay in his room, however, shortly after giving them his word, he found himself on his bed holding a knife. Nobody had planned on Jou attempting to revert back to cutting.

~I don't want to be the one

The battles always choose

Cause inside I realize,

That I'm the one confused.~

In Jou's mind, the Self Injury was a personal battle. He wasn't sure anymore if he chose to scratch, or if the scratching controlled him. He thought he was the one in control of it, but he had doubts. More often than not, he just seemed to live in a world of confusion. He didn't want to do it anymore, and he knew what he was doing was sick.

~I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean~

As Jou sat on his bed after his father had beaten him again, he thought about his life. "I know I'm hurting myself more by doing this. I know I'm hurting those that I love, too. I wonder if it's worth attempting to stay clean? If it is worth it, why is it so hard?"

Each new line was another silent scream. Jou wanted out of his current life. He wanted away from his father. He wanted to be normal. He'd started lashing out at Seto and Yugi lately, but he never really meant any of the things he said to them. Not being allowed to scratch, he now tended to just explode on people. He hated himself for that as well, and that only strengthened his need to hurt himself.

~I don't know how I got this way

I know it's not alright

So I'm breaking the habit

I'm breaking the habit…

Tonight.~

While lying in bed waiting to fall asleep, Jou tried to recall what made him ever start hurting himself. None of his friends did it, he never saw anyone do it…it was a mystery. He did determine that it was a very unhealthy way to deal with things. The last night his father beat him, Jou scratched his left shoulder enough so that it hurt to lay on it, and if pulled too far, the skin would continually break open and bleed. It scared him partly because it looked so bad, but mostly because he had violated his friends' trust in him

"I'm going to stop. This ends tonight." Jou vowed before falling into a troubled sleep.

~Clutching my cure, I tightly lock the door

I try to catch my breath again

I hurt much more. Than any time before

I have no options left again.~

Despite the promises the blonde had made to himself, he couldn't help himself. The day after he promised he'd quit, his school called home, concerned about his grades and Jou's constant attendance problems. Unfortunately, his father was home and sober when he got the call.

When Jou walked through the door that night, he narrowly missed being hit with a flying beer bottle.

"Stupid little fuck. Where have you been going when you're to be in school? They called. Said if you don't straighten up, you'll be held back or expelled. If either happens, it will be the worst day of your life, as well as your last." His father threatened.

Sucking it up, Jou went to his room. He brought out all of his instruments. He took his favorite knife out and held it. Just the excitement of seeing it quickened his breath. Tonight was the last straw. His father's threats cut deeper than any knife ever would. In Jou's mind, there were no options. He was going to end everything right then. His friends would be free of him, Seto would be happier without a psychotic boyfriend, and his father would be most happy to see his "pain in the ass" gone forever.

~I don't want to be the one the battles always choose

Cause inside I realize, that I'm the one confused.

I don't know what's worth fighting for,

Or why I have to scream.

I don't know why I instigate

And say what I don't mean

I don't know how I got this way

I'll never be alright

So I'm breaking the habit

I'm breaking the habit…

Tonight.~

No matter how long Jou would think, he couldn't remember who taught him that hurting himself was acceptable. As he sat clutching the knife, he thought, "I'm never going to get any better. I'm always going to be like this. I'll never be able to stop doing this to myself. Tonight, I'm going to break it. I'm finally going through with it."

~I'll paint it on the walls

Cause I'm the one at fault

I'll never fight again

And this is how it ends~

Jou took the sharp blade and drug it across his skin. A crimson river appeared almost instantly. Looking around his room, Jou tore down all the posters on one of his walls. With his own blood, he began writing on the wall:

It's my fault I'm like this. I'm weak. It's over, I don't have to fight anymore. I love you all. Jou.

Towards the end of the message, the blood wasn't as thick. You could read Jou's name clearly, but the last letter ended in a streak as the blond fell to the floor, his life slowly draining onto the carpeting.

~I don't know what's worth fighting for

Or why I have to scream

But now I have some clairity

To show you what I mean

I don't know how I got this way

I'll never be alright

So, I'm breaking the habit

I'm breaking the habit

I'm breaking the habit…

Tonight.~

It was Yugi who found Jou's body. He was the first to go into his friend's bedroom. He couldn't believe what had happened. He never suspected that Jou was hiding that dark a secret. As for Kaiba, he never really got over seeing his lover laying on the floor dead nor could he get over knowing that he might have prevented the scene that lay before them all.

The paramedics were called, and removed the body. Blood stained the walls and carpet. It would be a constant reminder for Jou's father of the son he lost. At least for Jou, he was free. His mind was finally clear and he could allow himself to be happy again. He didn't have to struggle for anything. He finally broke his habit. His habit destroyed him.

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Oh god…I'm sorry about this. It wasn't supposed to come out like this. I just wanted to torture Jou, not kill him. That's what happens when you let your fingers have their way…I guess. Anyway, I apologize if you're a Jounouchi Katsuya fan. I am too, so it's not a hate thing. =)

Don't forget to leave a review, I enjoy them!!!