Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Crosses To Bear ❯ Double Mint Twins ( Chapter 4 )

Double-Mint Twins

 

Yugi and Yami found Bakura's house on the edge of town near the seashore. On one side of the structure, it looked normal. The house had been painted blue and the left side windows all had flower boxes under them. Yet the right side of the house looked shabbier. The paint was peeling, the gutters looked as though they hadn't been cleaned in years, and the lawn grew over two feet high. It was as though a schizophrenic gardener had done the work. Yami looked at Yugi and nudged him forward. “You knock,” he told him.

 

“Why me?” Yugi complained, crossing his arms.

 

“Because he's your friend,” Yami said.

 

“But you suggested we go to him,” Yugi argued.

 

“That's because he's your friend. I don't have any friends. Everyone we come across is your buddy, not mine.”

 

“You mean to tell me that I've had the power to make friends all along? I never needed your help?”

 

“Yes, yes, and someday I'll duel you to make sure you can really stand on your own two feet, but for now you need to knock on that door. Hurry up and get this over with. This place reeks of a lame horror movie setting.”

 

Yugi walked up to the brass knocker. It was shaped like Bakura's Millennium Item ring. As he knocked, he could hear someone yelling in pain on the other side.

 

“Okay, we've knocked now let's go,” Yugi whispered quickly and had turned to hop off the porch when the door opened.

 

“Hello? Who's there?” Bakura asked as he blindly stared in front of him.

 

At first sight, both Yami and Yugi screamed at the figure before them.

 

Bakura wore a white terry cloth robe and had a towel wrapped around his hair. A green face mask covered his skin. His eyes were hidden under cucumber slices, thus was the reason he could not see them.

 

“Yugi? Is that you?” Bakura asked. He removed the slices and blinked in the bright sunlight.

 

“Bakura! What the hell, man?!” Yugi gasped. “You look like something from the Black Lagoon!”

 

“Oh, don't be frightened. You just happened to catch me during my spa day. Come in,”

 

He stepped aside to let them in and they followed him into a small room that had aromatic candles lit. A bed sprinkled with rose pedals sat in the middle of the room and off to the side, soft music played from a surround sound system so the entire room was alive with, well, the sound of music.

 

“I was finishing up with my waxing when you knocked,” Bakura told them. Both Yami and Yugi's faces melted in similar “ew” expressions.

 

Their British friend removed the towel over his head, letting down his long white hair. But it seemed as though he'd put himself in slow motion. His tresses fell like he was in a shampoo commercial, soft and luxurious. He shook his head back and forth and an unseen bright light made his hair shine radiantly. The boy ran his fingers through the mass, smiling to himself at an unseen pleasure.

 

As he continued to move in slow-mo, Yami walked up to him in normal speed and tapped him on his shoulder. “Um, you okay? It seems like your motor skills aren't working properly.”

 

“Oh, don't worry about me. This always happens when I unwrap my hair, no reason to be concerned,” Bakura told them as his hair continued to fall. Finally, it dangled around his shoulder and he seemed to speed up again. “Okay, so what did you come for?”

 

Yugi was about to begin his story when Bakura hopped up on the bed and lay down, clenching his eyes shut tight. A figure whom he hadn't noticed before stepped out of the shadows and came forth holding a long strip of paper and a container of steaming wax. The person looked identical to Bakura if you didn't notice the slight difference in their hair and the man's hardened features.

 

“Yami Bakura?” Yugi asked, an eyebrow raised. “Aren't you supposed to be in the Shadow Realm or something?”

 

“And aren't you supposed to shut the hell up?” the man shot back, stopping in front of the normal Bakura. “I'll be where I'm at when I'm there.”

 

Yugi glanced at Yami who shrugged. He didn't get that last sentence either.

 

The evil Bakura spread the wax on Bakura's seemingly already hairless legs and applied the strip. In Japanese, he counted to three, then ripped the cloth away.

 

Bakura sat up and screamed in pain, swearing in several different languages with it.

 

Well, that explains the scream I heard when I knocked, Yugi thought. Why can't he just grow the damn hair? I mean, isn't it kind of weird for a guy to wax? I thought the ladies loved the hair.

 

“On the contrary, Yugi,” Yami thought back to him. “Hair is seen as beastly and barbaric. Why, what would I, a great pharaoh, look like if I had hair all over my body, all of it showing because I often wear nothing more than a skirt and a cape? Even my concubines wouldn't touch me!”

 

Bakura's screams subsided and he now lay on the table, panting heavily. “Beauty is pain,” he whispered, putting the cucumbers back on his face. But Yami Bakura removed them, eating one as he wiped the mask off the boy's face.

 

After he caught his breath, Bakura sat back up and looked at the pointed hair pair. “So, now what brings you here?”

 

“Well, see, my grand—“

 

“No I don't want any chocolate pudding!” Bakura interrupted him. “I just had my face washed, are you trying to make me have a break out?”

 

“Um, excuse me?” Yugi asked him.

 

“Oh, I was speaking to the spirit that lives in my Ring. Now, what were you saying?”

 

“Uh, I was about to say that my grand—“

 

“My god, is it so hard for you to just bring me some tea and cake? I don't want anything else, and lord forbid if you bring me a Sports Illustrated. You know I'm too uncoordinated to do any sports and I couldn't care less for how many points LeBron James scored in his last game.”

 

The evil spirit had seemed to only be calmly sitting in a chair on the shadowed side of the room, but at this last loud outburst, he stood up and walked out.

 

“I'm sorry Yugi, do forgive me. Where are my manners? You know, he's the reason for the chaos in this family. I'm sure you saw the house, yes? My half is the side with the pretty flowers. But he refused to do his side of the house, so now it's going to the dogs. I tell you, what's a Brit got to do to get good gardening around here?”

 

“Hire an illegal alien?” Yugi offered. Yami slowly turned his head to him in shock.

 

“Bad taste Yugi, very bad taste.” He chastised.

 

Bakura sighed. “I just don't know what to do with him,” he went on. “YB and I have tried to work things out, but no matter what, he's really the root of all my evils. Just the other day, he went after a sparrow, saying he wanted to bite its head off. He said he was inspired by Ozzie Osbourne. “

 

“Well, monitor what he watches,” Yugi said. Yami gave him a thumbs up this time. “I mean, whenever I'm watching something that I don't want Yami to see, I send him to his spirit level. He always gets lost since his level is a maze, and while he tries to find his way out again, I can watch my program alone. “

 

“So that's why you've been sending me there so much lately!” Yami shouted at him. “You conniving bastard!”

 

The evil Bakura returned with a tray and a cup of tea with a small saucer holding a slice of cake on it. “Nothing for you two,” he growled out at the others as he sat the tray on Bakura's lap.

 

“You've probably poisoned the food anyways,” Yami scoffed.

 

Bakura had been just about to take a sip of tea when this idea struck him and he stopped the cup in midair.

 

“Oh, you think you're such a big shot, don't you Pharaoh?” Yami Bakura sneered.

 

“Well, why yes I do. I am a pharaoh after all.”

 

“Fine, let's solve this the way all grown men solve their problems. By playing a children's trading card game. And yes, I've borrowed that phrase from LK, but he had a very good point with it.”

 

“Fine, let's duel then!” Yami shouted dramatically.

 

“Wait!” Bakura shouted. “Tabletop duels aren't the answer.” He got off the bed and left the room. While they waited, Yugi hummed the Jeopardy theme song.

 

A moment later, Bakura returned with a rectangular shaped package. “This should do it.” He ripped open the package. Inside were two holographic dueling disks.

 

“I found these in the very back of the closet, a place where I'm sexually stuck at. I'm guessing it's a very early Christmas present. Either that, or my parents duel and they've never told me.” He handed the disks to the spirits and they loaded their cards into the holder.

 

“Duel!” the shouted simultaneously. And simultaneously, Bakura and Yugi rolled their eyes.

 

Evil Bakura played first. He kept the card face down and turned the duel over to Yami. “Your turn.”

 

“Now it's my turn,” Yami said.

 

“No shit it's your turn. When I was finished, I said `Your turn.' Are you deaf or are you always this dramatic?” Evil Bakura asked.

 

Yami didn't answer. “I play the almighty Kuriboh! Yes, I'm aware that he's weak and pathetic and no, I have no intentions of duplicating his balls! Kuriboh, attack his face down card!”

 

The face down card happened to be a black hole of some sort. But the realistic graphics not only sucked in Yami's monster, but objects in the house as well. The spa bed and stereo system were absorbed into its depths as were half the living room and kitchen appliances. What finally stopped it was the 54-inch plasma screen TV. The screen still cracked though.

 

Before anymore damage could be done, Yami Bakura pulled his duel disk back up to his arm, making the hole vanish. And everything that was in it.

 

“Holy shit on rye bread!” Bakura screamed. “The house! Oh no, mum and dad are going to give me the whispering of a lifetime! And they'll probably make me clean the loo! My lack of a social life is over!”

 

Yugi and Yami exchanged quiet glances and as the boy continued to fret over his future—losing such commodities as blood pudding and his daily games of cricket—the other two inched out the room and through the front door.

 

“I kind of feel bad for Bakura,” Yugi said to Yami on the street.

 

“I don't. He should control that damn spirit of his better. Pesky spirits.”

 

Yugi narrowed his eyes at him, but said nothing.

 

“So, where to now?” Yami asked, not catching the look.

 

“Hm, well, the last helpful person I can think of is Téa. If she can't help me, then no one can.”

 

“You still have me, you know.” Yami reminded him.

 

“Uh-huh. I have you like Brittany Spears has Kevin Federline.”

 

“God, I love it when you talk about pop culture,” Yami smiled.

 

Yugi shrugged. “Eh, what's E! for if not to make fun of celebs? That's the world we live in Yami. We make fun of the rich folks while dying to be one ourselves. I wonder when they're gonna run a program about Kaiba?”

 

“I don't know, but when they do, you can bet I'm going to be there front and center.” Yami said, rubbing his hands together in glee at the thought.

 

Yugi only shook his head. Maybe Téa could help Yami also. Like another date between the two…but the thought of Yami going on a date with her for some reason infuriated him. Maybe it was because he knew she was attracted to Yami and not him…ouch.

 

He pushed this thought to the back of his mind and vowed never to bring it up again. Unless Yami went out with her. Then he'd knock his socks off. Though considering that Yami never wore any that, was going to be a hard feat to accomplish. God, so that's the reason Yami's feet smelled so atrocious!

 

Note to self, get some fast actin' Tanactin.