Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Desideratum ❯ Kiss ( Chapter 5 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: KatsuyaKaiba 
Kiss
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 04.18.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 5.2K | Visits: 350 | Status: Work In Progress
Kiss
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 04.18.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 5.2K | Visits: 350 | Status: Work In Progress
Desiradatum
A Seto Centric Thingy by Katsuya Kaiba
AN: OK, I am so freakin flattered right now. I was reading this awesomely awesome story called Forbidden Fruit, and it was so hot that I had to leave a review for it. Check this out- the author mentioned me in the authors notes on the last update of the sequel. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
*****************
Beginning on the very next day and continuing for for the next couple of weeks, all of Joey's questioning came to a swift and startling end.
This was by no means unexpected, but it was just a little bit disappointing. It was as though the situation had escalated to the point of madness, and then just as quickly as it had come it had suddenly dissapated into thin air like a clearing mist thinning far too fast to be natural, leaving me standing alone in the resounding silence of afterwards. There had been no climax, no resolution, and all of the exchanges between Joey and I felt uncomfortably unfinished. Each time Joey and I saw each other, whether in the hallway, during class, or otherwise, no words were exchanged and he stubbornly refused to look me in the eyes, sometimes going out of his way in order to avoid acknowledging my existance. Whenever I noticed that he was near, I would pointedly gaze directly at him with an expression on my face that was purely intrigued, hoping to incite his curiosity. Evidently there wasn't any to incite, because the one and only time I had been able to catch his attention, he simply gave me the most blank and uninterested face that I had ever seen on a person.
He was beginning to infuriate me. I would not be ignored. Or at least, I hadn't been, until now. And I was letting it slip through my fingers. I was not taking action, not attempting to correct Joey or the situation. I let it lie. I think that somewhere inside of me whispered that this was certainly not the end of things between Joey and I. I merely had to sit back and enjoy the action as it unfolded. And that was precisely what I did. After about a week of this treatment, I stopped all attempts at contacting Joey altogether, and I tried to reform my life to fit the way it had been before he had come along and torn the memorized paths to shreds. I thought about nothing but what needed to be done, and pushed the rest of it away. I did not care what it might be that I wanted, more than anything else. I had everything. I wanted for nothing at all. I was satisfied, and Joey Wheeler could go to hell.
Then, finally, something happened. I refused to believe that I had been waiting for this, but I was relieved when the stale ice that had formed over our relationship was shattered, although the feeling of relief was flavored slightly with the bitter tang of resentment. How dare he allow this to continue for so long. It had taken nearly all of my resolution and willpower just to keep from caring about the idiotic situation, and here I had nearly convinced myself that I truly did not care in the least. Just when things were starting to fall back into their assigned places and roles, along came Joey with another catastrophe. It had only been a waiting game after all. Well...it would have been, had I been playing, which I had resolved that I wasn't. Not intentionally.
The classroom was silent, all of the students in it seated and working quietly. All of them concentrating, except for me. I had already finished the assignment days ago, and I found myself forced to pass the time pretending to study the inconsequential nonsense this institution continually shoved down my throat. Glancing up to watch the time, I caught Joey staring at me with a very interesting look on his face. He seemed to be considering something, but what it was I could not say. When our eyes met, his expression turned sour and he scowled at nothing before turning his attention back downward to his desktop. I wondered what I had done.
When Joey looked back up at me, I realized that I had not averted my eyes since he had last seen me, and I knew immediately that it would look as though I had been staring at him. I hadn't been, not really, but the expression that I knew I wore must have given me away, and I closed my mouth and stared back at him, challenging him to do something about it. He didn't scare me.
What he did next will forever be engrained in the fabric of my mind. It was sudden, unexpected, and altogether completely uncharacteristic of Joey, or at least, it was in accordance with the Joey in my mind. His embittered expression faded as the darkness into the sunlight, and a brightly beaming smile came out from the shadows and cascaded over his features. It was truly a thing to behold, and it seemed so genuine, although everything inside of me screamed that this was meant to be sarcastic. I was sure that it was, but as it was happening the effect it was meant to have on me did indeed take hold, and I froze where I was and artlessly stared. I could see it in his eyes that he knew I would watch him for at least a few moments more, and he snatched the opportunity and stole those extra seconds to create something that caused a good deal of unrest within me for a very long while.
That bastard winked at me, grinning as though he knew something that I had foolishly missed.
My mouth, which I had thought was set firmly in place, fell open unrestrained and I blinked twice, hoping that when I regained my focus I would see that my eyes had decieved me. They had not. I sat up straight in my chair and looked first to the right and then quickly to the left, wishing with all of my will that no one else had seen him do that. That was the very last thing I needed at that point. They had not, for once they were actually determined to cram what little they could into their feeble brains, unaware that anything out of the ordinary was happening beside them. I slumped back down in my chair and raised my line of sight to the ceiling, silently praying to no one for nothing in particular. Perhaps for some perspective. What in the world was he thinking? What had he hoped to accomplish by that?
I could feel my eyebrows furrow as a thought settled in the center of my mind. Joey was up to something, and as much as I hated to say it I knew that it wasn't merely flirting. He was attacking me in some way, that had to be what he was up to. But for what purpose? What was he after? I thought lightly on revenge, but dismissed the idea as soon as it came. Joey didn't exact revenge on anyone. He was a complete martyr, painfully so and besides, I hadn't done anything to him personally. He had nothing against me, save the evident heartbreak I had unwittingly caused him. But that was unrelated, and this seemed to be an isolated incident.
I was beginning to feel frustrated, and still there was nothing. Was he...flirting? 'Ridiculous' I thought to myself. Completely out of the question. He knew better than that.
I tore a page out of my notebook and began furiously scribbling a note. This was becoming far too childish for my tastes, and I wasn't willing to wait until the end of the class to sort this all out.
Mutt-
You had better have a damn good reason for doing that.
Explain yourself.
I took the page into my hands and crumpled it up into a wrinkled sphere, smiled as I took aim, and tossed the note at Joey's head. He had turned his attention to the promise of freedom that lay beyond the classroom window, and when the piece of paper tagged him in the ear, he jumped in his seat and threw his hands up, attracting the attention of a few surrounding classmates, who only glanced up for a second and then went back to their business once they realized the noise had come from Joey. The paper ball had bounced off the side of his head and landed on the desktop before him, and he noticed it lying there almost instantly. Taking into his fist and unraveling it underneath his desk so as not to make too much noise, he placed it on the desk and read it slowly. I watched him carefully as he read and then re-read the words I had written before picking up his own pen and jotting down a few sloppily crafted lines. He never once glanced over in my direction, nor showed a single reaction to what I had written. He was keeping himself purposely blank, no doubt feeling my hardened gaze fixated upon his demeanor. I was nearing anger, and he knew it.
The paper came back to me at last, sailing over a few unsuspecting heads before landing in my outstretched hand, waiting for the reply. Not caring whether or not I made any noise, I smoothed out the deepening crinkles in the page and read Joey's response.
Moneybags-
Chill out. I just wanted to see if you were still mad at me.
Mad? Why would I be mad? He was the one who was angry, or so I had thought. What would it matter even if I was upset? I cringed at the thought of what it was that he might be up to that would involve me not being upset with him. He was seeking information, and I wouldn't allow it. I took my pen in my hand and continued our written conversation.
-Maybe I am. Why do you need to know?
I caught his attention and threw the note across the room. He caught it this time, and opened it quickly, reading the contents and hastily writing a response. As he wrote down his thoughts, I looked up to the front of the classroom and watched the teacher for a moment. She was absentmindedly reading a novel, and paid little mind to the empty silence before her. I looked back to Joey who was waiting for me to signal the correct moment to make the exchange. I gave a small nod and reached out, curling my fingers around the paper as it hit my palm.
-No reason. Just curious.
Of all the obscurely lame things to say... How much more vague could he get? I wasn't satisfied at all with this answer, and I responded quickly, throwing the note back to him with a bit more force than was necessary. He nearly missed catching it this time and had to stretch back in his chair a little ways in order to grasp it. In doing so, his desk slid backwards a few inches and scraped across the floor, making a scraping noise that was impossible to miss in the stifiling silence that surrounded us. Both of us simultaneously looked up to where the teacher sat, but she only glanced up from her book momentarily and found the entire class, including Joey and I, heavily focused on our work. She went back to her reading, and as soon as we were in the clear Joey took the note out from under his arm and opened it. He read what I had written and sat silent for a few seconds, seemingly mulling it over in his head.
-That's a load of bullshit. What are you after? Why should it matter to you of I'm angry or not?
It took him much longer to respond this time, and a full two minutes passed as I impatiently watched him writing his answer down on the paper. Finally, he crumpled up the note and tossed it back to me, after double checking to be sure it was safe.
-It just does. I know you don't care about stuff like that, so just never mind why. I'm not doing it to mess with you, cause I know that's what you're thinking. Forget I ever did anything, OK?
No, I was not going to just forget everything. I needed to know about this if it involved me, and this most certainly did involve me, in a very influential way. Especially if he was still...in love with me. I highly doubted it, but I couldn't be sure. And honestly, deep inside of me there was a voice that was interested to know if he did still love me after all that had happened when I found out. How reckless would he be in order to preserve these painful and unrelenting emotions? My next entry was blunt and to the point. Hopefully it would trigger a more meaningful response from Joey. I had to drag this out of him, and pissing him off seemed to be the most effective way to accomplish said task.
-You don't love me anymore.
That should do it. Perhaps it was uncalled for, but it would serve my purposes greatly. Now for the reaction...
I waved at him and passed the paper through the air, and he caught it easily. I stared as closely as I could into his eyes, which were not as visible as they could have been, but I angled my head and waited as he pulled the paper out of it's form and read what I had written. There was nothing on his face at first, but after he finished reading I thought that I saw something, but it was gone before i could identify it. It had been small, the start of something which might have grown very large, but was stifled before it could take root and flourish on his features. It had been a fleeting moment of a certain sort of sadness, and I almost felt sorry for what I had done, although my mind told me that I had done it to see precisely what it was that I had seen and now nearly regretted. This was business, and i had to treat it as such. I couldn't afford to get emotionally involved as I had almost done before, when Joey had begun asking me those strange and jilted questions. Strange, how I almost missed them now. But to miss them would cause problems, so I avoided the thought and waited for him to respond.
He set the note down on his desk and stared at it for a few minutes, and then turned his head away from me and watched the world outside the window, evidently having forgotten about the note entirely. Would he have anything to say to that? I had guessed that he might write me a short novel in response to what I had said, but he wrote nothing, did nothing, just stared out of the classroom, probably wishing me away at that very moment. I had half a mind to throw something at him to bring him back into the conversation, but after considering the option I decided against it. I didn't want him to get the impression that I wanted to know the answer. Regardless of whether I actually wanted to know or not was irrelevant. Appearances are everything.
I looked up to the clock on the wall. We only had ten minutes of class left, and it looked as though he would spend the time staring off into the distance, ignoring me completely. I turned away from him and resolved to not involve myself in the situation any longer. If he answered me, fine, if not, fine. I didn't care either way. So caught up was I in my thoughts that I failed to notice the not that came flying across the classroom, landing on my desk and bouncing once or twice before falling off entirely. I saw it as it landed and caught it in midair, just before it reached the ground, and I quickly opened it and read what Joey had to say about the line I had sent him. My tactics had proven effective, this response was almost dripping with heartfelt emotion. I lifted my lip in a sneer as I read the letters on the page, but I did not laugh or scoff aloud. I didn't want to complicate matters further, and if heard me laughing at him in any way I was sure that it would set off an awful chain of destruction that I did not want to be the cause of.
-That isn't true at all. Maybe you don't know what it is to be in love, and that's why you don't understand why I do certain things. Love, real Love, isn't something you can just decide is a bad idea. it doesn't matter if the other person returns the feelings or not. It's uncontrollable, and I can't do a thing about it. Maybe in time it will get better. That's all I can do. You can do the most awful things you can think of to me, and I won't love you any less. I'll still be pissed at you, so don't go getting any ideas, but you can't scare it away. And you can't tell me not to feel things. So just get used to it.
Hmm. How touching. I nearly felt sorry for him. Now I knew that he wouldn't even try to do anything to stop this. He had no will left in him, it had all been eaten away by these weakening emotions. They were crippling him, and now he had resigned himself to this pathetic fate. Well, if he wouldn't even help himself, there was no way that I would do anything to stop him. Let him love me, the dumb bastard. He could dig his own grave without my consent, so what was the point? I wrote down my response and sent the note back to him through the air above.
Upon recieving the note, he glanced up at the clock, and I followed his eyes and checked the time myself. The bell would sound in less than thirty seconds. Just enough time for him to read what I had written. He was going to flip his lid, I knew that, but I would have my escape. Everything in it's place, and timed to perfection. If this was a game, I would have most certainly won.
-Poor lovesick puppy. Dig your own grave if you want, but don't expect me to lie in it with you.
The last bell rang, and the schoolday was over. But the trouble with Joey was just beginning. As the words sunk in to his mind, he at first looked sick with sadness, and then quickly it advance into a blind rage. A single second after the bell went off, he stood up from his desk in a huff and flung the paper ball at me. It bounced off of my desk and fell to the ground, rolling until it stopped just inches from my feet.
"You asshole!" He screamed and pointed in my direction. The surrounding students, who had been anxiously packing up their things in the hopes of leaving for home, stopped at this new accusation and avidly watched the scene. Joey neither noticed nor cared about who was there or not, and stood rigidly still, fuming visibly and sending out anger in waves which nearly caused me to take a step backwards. I had stood from my own seat at the same moment as he, but instead of gathering all of my things as the others had, I stood still and watched Joey as he unleashed his anger. The students who had stopped to watch quickly finished collecting their things and all but ran out of the classroom, leaving Joey and I nearly alone, save the teacher and a few of those faceless whiners that were always clinging to him at every convievable moment.
"Joey Wheeler, out! And you too, Seto Kaiba! If you both want a fight, it'll have to be outside." The teacher had heard Joey's outburst, as had most of the people within a five mile radius, and appeared to be displeased with the both of us.
"Come on, Joey, he's not worth it." One of the mindless followers spoke to Joey in hushed tones while pulling at his uniform sleeve, trying to physically drag him outside the classroom. Stupid kid, he needed to stay out of this. This was between Joey and I. I pushed past all of them roughly and made my way to the exit.
"Yes, Joey, listen to your little friends. I'm not worth it. You and I both know that, so perhaps it's time to give up your hopeless dreaming and get on with life." Turning on my heel with the very last words of the sentence, I expertly strode out of the classroom with a haughty air that begged for him to follow. This was not finished, not by a longshot.
After I was a few feet away from the door, I slowed my pace down and casually walked down the hallway. He would come out of that classroom and give me what for in about five seconds from right now. Five, four, three, two,
"This ain't finished yet, Kaiba!"
One.
The smile on my face spoke of nothing except for pure and untarnished satisfaction. Everything fell into it's place. When had I become so interested in inciting Joey's rage? There was just something sweet in my ability to make him feel like no one else could make him feel. No one could take my place. I was special somehow, and the thought gave me a rush of something that tasted quite nice. I turned to face the onslaught directly. This I had to see.
"Is that so? Tell me puppy, what is it that you need me to finish?"
Joey walked at me so quickly that it looked as though we would collide if he didn't slow down soon. He came to a intransigent halt a few inches just before it would be too late, and the breadth of space between the two of us was slight at best. His eyes were narrowed and he looked to be more upset than angry. Served me right, if it mattered at all, which it didn't.
"Do you honestly think that you can treat me this way and I won't do anything back to you?" His voice was hushed, a strained whisper that only I could hear. I looked past him for a moment and caught the sight of a few pairs of worried eyes, watching me to see if I would retaliate. His friends were watching, and it hit me just hten that they still did not know about thier friend and his love for another. He was whispering because they were watching him, and he did not want to tell them what we were arguing about. I looked away from them and back to Joey, who was searching my face as if looking for something that might be tucked away underneath.
"Your friends are watching you," I spoke just as silently as he, and my voice was not angry or threatening. It was filled with something not so far from concern, and as I listened to myself speak I felt very strange about it. That wasn't how that was meant to sound at all. Joey heard what I said, and I think that he understood what I meant my that, because he backed away a good few inches and collected himself. But as he thought about the situation, his face took on a sudden change, one that looked like desperation mixed with equal portions of fear and insanity. He looked at me undeviatingly, and in the very next second I felt a premonition sinking inside of me, and my eyes grew wide with shock. I knew how this would end, and it would be in tragedy. In my eyes, at least. But for all the knowledge in the world, I simply could not move my feet from where they were planted, and I firmly stood my ground and accepted the inevitable. I didn't want this, but I didn't quite hate it, either. I was alright with it, for the moment.
"I don't care anymore." He spoke firmly and with a highly justified sense of pride, and at that moment he had never looked as shining or so true to himself ever before, and the sight was almost awesome in my eyes. I head his feet as they shuffled forward and intermixed with my own, and I felt his sneakers scrape ever so gently across the side of one of my boots in his effort to close all distance between us. He went for it, wholly and without shame or regret, and I couldn't deny him what he took from me.
Joey Wheeler kissed me in the hallway of the school. The walkways were packed with kids tiredly making their way out of the building, and one by one they all stopped to stare at the unimaginable, the unthinkable, which had just occured. I'm sure his little academy of friendship supporters were still watching to be sure that their partner in crime would be alright. They would see it all, and Joey didn't care. I had to hand it to him, he surely didn't belong with those empty headed fools, swaying this way and that whenever the breeze of the majority swept through. No, Joey was independant, he did what he pleased and what he wanted he sought, and I rather liked that about him. He was strikingly similar to myself, in some ways. I heard a few whispering voices and some scattered whistles, and from far off I heard someone catcalling at the open display. But all of these things I noticed in a strange way, in a way that did not matter in the least to me until much later when I thought about it clearly. I was simply not paying attention.
The look on my face as he closed the distance must have been ridden with an unimaginable horror, yet he continued on, and without hesitation he pressed his lips against mine in a very absolute and finishing sort of way. A kiss that spoke a great length on how Joey planned to finish this, and I allowed it to be. I panicked for just a moment when I realized that I had never done this sort of thing before, and I was convinced that I would not be very good at it, but I needen't have worried because soon after that thought crossed my mind another steeled into it's place and set my nervous worries to rest. Joey didn't care. Joey would enjoy this no matter what, and as he took over and moved his lips hesitantly at first, and then more forcefully in the absence of my denial, I realized that he did know how to do this sort of thing, and quite well at that. I wasn't entirely sure why I was humoring him in this way, but I gave it no more thought and let him do what he had to do. Maybe now he might leave me alone.
It was over in a matter of seconds, yet for an eternity we were locked together in my mind, and when it was over and he pulled away I wondered why he had. Hadn't he wanted this? The expression on my face must have been full of the question, because he smiled at me and his smile was reassuring, in a sickening way. Sinckening to me because I had wanted to see it, I had needed reassurance and had unknowingly shown him. This was indeed a different place that I found myself in.
I looked over at the crowd that had gathered around us and shot them a glare that was filled with a pure and deadly venom, and they scattered in fear, somehow knowing without me having to tell them that I would indeed come for them in the night. When I brought my eyes back to the place where Joey had stood, I found it empty. Joey was no longer there. I looked further away and saw him walking away, surrounded by the reverent masses that circled him indefinitely. Joey was finished. I turned and left in the opposite direction, and made my way home.
Some kind of unspoken agreement had been formed here, but an agreement to what I had no idea. What had I just sold myself into? I made several vain attempts to silence the endless chatter that droned on in my mind at the absence of occupation, but after hours of thinking about not thinking about it, I realized that that, too, was in a sense thinking about it after all. I quit. I thought, and my thoughts carried on far into the evening. And still, the ever present question still remained, as though the very asking of it had infected my mind with a desire to know.
What will it be? Anything at all, whenever I wish. What will it be?
AN: Oh, lots of fun action here. This was a joy to write, and the words flew continuously from my fingers until I realized that I had written a very long chapter indeed. Happy Birthday. I hope it's not getting out of hand, but the words will not listen to my disagreements. They will be written, even if they have to kill me! I swear, they'll do it! So...what do you think? You must speak to me, lest I forget what it means to be human and to interact with others of my own kind. What will it be for you? Anything at all, whatever you wish. What would you take?
Converting /tmp/phpkJmVsl to /dev/stdout
A Seto Centric Thingy by Katsuya Kaiba
AN: OK, I am so freakin flattered right now. I was reading this awesomely awesome story called Forbidden Fruit, and it was so hot that I had to leave a review for it. Check this out- the author mentioned me in the authors notes on the last update of the sequel. AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
*****************
Beginning on the very next day and continuing for for the next couple of weeks, all of Joey's questioning came to a swift and startling end.
This was by no means unexpected, but it was just a little bit disappointing. It was as though the situation had escalated to the point of madness, and then just as quickly as it had come it had suddenly dissapated into thin air like a clearing mist thinning far too fast to be natural, leaving me standing alone in the resounding silence of afterwards. There had been no climax, no resolution, and all of the exchanges between Joey and I felt uncomfortably unfinished. Each time Joey and I saw each other, whether in the hallway, during class, or otherwise, no words were exchanged and he stubbornly refused to look me in the eyes, sometimes going out of his way in order to avoid acknowledging my existance. Whenever I noticed that he was near, I would pointedly gaze directly at him with an expression on my face that was purely intrigued, hoping to incite his curiosity. Evidently there wasn't any to incite, because the one and only time I had been able to catch his attention, he simply gave me the most blank and uninterested face that I had ever seen on a person.
He was beginning to infuriate me. I would not be ignored. Or at least, I hadn't been, until now. And I was letting it slip through my fingers. I was not taking action, not attempting to correct Joey or the situation. I let it lie. I think that somewhere inside of me whispered that this was certainly not the end of things between Joey and I. I merely had to sit back and enjoy the action as it unfolded. And that was precisely what I did. After about a week of this treatment, I stopped all attempts at contacting Joey altogether, and I tried to reform my life to fit the way it had been before he had come along and torn the memorized paths to shreds. I thought about nothing but what needed to be done, and pushed the rest of it away. I did not care what it might be that I wanted, more than anything else. I had everything. I wanted for nothing at all. I was satisfied, and Joey Wheeler could go to hell.
Then, finally, something happened. I refused to believe that I had been waiting for this, but I was relieved when the stale ice that had formed over our relationship was shattered, although the feeling of relief was flavored slightly with the bitter tang of resentment. How dare he allow this to continue for so long. It had taken nearly all of my resolution and willpower just to keep from caring about the idiotic situation, and here I had nearly convinced myself that I truly did not care in the least. Just when things were starting to fall back into their assigned places and roles, along came Joey with another catastrophe. It had only been a waiting game after all. Well...it would have been, had I been playing, which I had resolved that I wasn't. Not intentionally.
The classroom was silent, all of the students in it seated and working quietly. All of them concentrating, except for me. I had already finished the assignment days ago, and I found myself forced to pass the time pretending to study the inconsequential nonsense this institution continually shoved down my throat. Glancing up to watch the time, I caught Joey staring at me with a very interesting look on his face. He seemed to be considering something, but what it was I could not say. When our eyes met, his expression turned sour and he scowled at nothing before turning his attention back downward to his desktop. I wondered what I had done.
When Joey looked back up at me, I realized that I had not averted my eyes since he had last seen me, and I knew immediately that it would look as though I had been staring at him. I hadn't been, not really, but the expression that I knew I wore must have given me away, and I closed my mouth and stared back at him, challenging him to do something about it. He didn't scare me.
What he did next will forever be engrained in the fabric of my mind. It was sudden, unexpected, and altogether completely uncharacteristic of Joey, or at least, it was in accordance with the Joey in my mind. His embittered expression faded as the darkness into the sunlight, and a brightly beaming smile came out from the shadows and cascaded over his features. It was truly a thing to behold, and it seemed so genuine, although everything inside of me screamed that this was meant to be sarcastic. I was sure that it was, but as it was happening the effect it was meant to have on me did indeed take hold, and I froze where I was and artlessly stared. I could see it in his eyes that he knew I would watch him for at least a few moments more, and he snatched the opportunity and stole those extra seconds to create something that caused a good deal of unrest within me for a very long while.
That bastard winked at me, grinning as though he knew something that I had foolishly missed.
My mouth, which I had thought was set firmly in place, fell open unrestrained and I blinked twice, hoping that when I regained my focus I would see that my eyes had decieved me. They had not. I sat up straight in my chair and looked first to the right and then quickly to the left, wishing with all of my will that no one else had seen him do that. That was the very last thing I needed at that point. They had not, for once they were actually determined to cram what little they could into their feeble brains, unaware that anything out of the ordinary was happening beside them. I slumped back down in my chair and raised my line of sight to the ceiling, silently praying to no one for nothing in particular. Perhaps for some perspective. What in the world was he thinking? What had he hoped to accomplish by that?
I could feel my eyebrows furrow as a thought settled in the center of my mind. Joey was up to something, and as much as I hated to say it I knew that it wasn't merely flirting. He was attacking me in some way, that had to be what he was up to. But for what purpose? What was he after? I thought lightly on revenge, but dismissed the idea as soon as it came. Joey didn't exact revenge on anyone. He was a complete martyr, painfully so and besides, I hadn't done anything to him personally. He had nothing against me, save the evident heartbreak I had unwittingly caused him. But that was unrelated, and this seemed to be an isolated incident.
I was beginning to feel frustrated, and still there was nothing. Was he...flirting? 'Ridiculous' I thought to myself. Completely out of the question. He knew better than that.
I tore a page out of my notebook and began furiously scribbling a note. This was becoming far too childish for my tastes, and I wasn't willing to wait until the end of the class to sort this all out.
Mutt-
You had better have a damn good reason for doing that.
Explain yourself.
I took the page into my hands and crumpled it up into a wrinkled sphere, smiled as I took aim, and tossed the note at Joey's head. He had turned his attention to the promise of freedom that lay beyond the classroom window, and when the piece of paper tagged him in the ear, he jumped in his seat and threw his hands up, attracting the attention of a few surrounding classmates, who only glanced up for a second and then went back to their business once they realized the noise had come from Joey. The paper ball had bounced off the side of his head and landed on the desktop before him, and he noticed it lying there almost instantly. Taking into his fist and unraveling it underneath his desk so as not to make too much noise, he placed it on the desk and read it slowly. I watched him carefully as he read and then re-read the words I had written before picking up his own pen and jotting down a few sloppily crafted lines. He never once glanced over in my direction, nor showed a single reaction to what I had written. He was keeping himself purposely blank, no doubt feeling my hardened gaze fixated upon his demeanor. I was nearing anger, and he knew it.
The paper came back to me at last, sailing over a few unsuspecting heads before landing in my outstretched hand, waiting for the reply. Not caring whether or not I made any noise, I smoothed out the deepening crinkles in the page and read Joey's response.
Moneybags-
Chill out. I just wanted to see if you were still mad at me.
Mad? Why would I be mad? He was the one who was angry, or so I had thought. What would it matter even if I was upset? I cringed at the thought of what it was that he might be up to that would involve me not being upset with him. He was seeking information, and I wouldn't allow it. I took my pen in my hand and continued our written conversation.
-Maybe I am. Why do you need to know?
I caught his attention and threw the note across the room. He caught it this time, and opened it quickly, reading the contents and hastily writing a response. As he wrote down his thoughts, I looked up to the front of the classroom and watched the teacher for a moment. She was absentmindedly reading a novel, and paid little mind to the empty silence before her. I looked back to Joey who was waiting for me to signal the correct moment to make the exchange. I gave a small nod and reached out, curling my fingers around the paper as it hit my palm.
-No reason. Just curious.
Of all the obscurely lame things to say... How much more vague could he get? I wasn't satisfied at all with this answer, and I responded quickly, throwing the note back to him with a bit more force than was necessary. He nearly missed catching it this time and had to stretch back in his chair a little ways in order to grasp it. In doing so, his desk slid backwards a few inches and scraped across the floor, making a scraping noise that was impossible to miss in the stifiling silence that surrounded us. Both of us simultaneously looked up to where the teacher sat, but she only glanced up from her book momentarily and found the entire class, including Joey and I, heavily focused on our work. She went back to her reading, and as soon as we were in the clear Joey took the note out from under his arm and opened it. He read what I had written and sat silent for a few seconds, seemingly mulling it over in his head.
-That's a load of bullshit. What are you after? Why should it matter to you of I'm angry or not?
It took him much longer to respond this time, and a full two minutes passed as I impatiently watched him writing his answer down on the paper. Finally, he crumpled up the note and tossed it back to me, after double checking to be sure it was safe.
-It just does. I know you don't care about stuff like that, so just never mind why. I'm not doing it to mess with you, cause I know that's what you're thinking. Forget I ever did anything, OK?
No, I was not going to just forget everything. I needed to know about this if it involved me, and this most certainly did involve me, in a very influential way. Especially if he was still...in love with me. I highly doubted it, but I couldn't be sure. And honestly, deep inside of me there was a voice that was interested to know if he did still love me after all that had happened when I found out. How reckless would he be in order to preserve these painful and unrelenting emotions? My next entry was blunt and to the point. Hopefully it would trigger a more meaningful response from Joey. I had to drag this out of him, and pissing him off seemed to be the most effective way to accomplish said task.
-You don't love me anymore.
That should do it. Perhaps it was uncalled for, but it would serve my purposes greatly. Now for the reaction...
I waved at him and passed the paper through the air, and he caught it easily. I stared as closely as I could into his eyes, which were not as visible as they could have been, but I angled my head and waited as he pulled the paper out of it's form and read what I had written. There was nothing on his face at first, but after he finished reading I thought that I saw something, but it was gone before i could identify it. It had been small, the start of something which might have grown very large, but was stifled before it could take root and flourish on his features. It had been a fleeting moment of a certain sort of sadness, and I almost felt sorry for what I had done, although my mind told me that I had done it to see precisely what it was that I had seen and now nearly regretted. This was business, and i had to treat it as such. I couldn't afford to get emotionally involved as I had almost done before, when Joey had begun asking me those strange and jilted questions. Strange, how I almost missed them now. But to miss them would cause problems, so I avoided the thought and waited for him to respond.
He set the note down on his desk and stared at it for a few minutes, and then turned his head away from me and watched the world outside the window, evidently having forgotten about the note entirely. Would he have anything to say to that? I had guessed that he might write me a short novel in response to what I had said, but he wrote nothing, did nothing, just stared out of the classroom, probably wishing me away at that very moment. I had half a mind to throw something at him to bring him back into the conversation, but after considering the option I decided against it. I didn't want him to get the impression that I wanted to know the answer. Regardless of whether I actually wanted to know or not was irrelevant. Appearances are everything.
I looked up to the clock on the wall. We only had ten minutes of class left, and it looked as though he would spend the time staring off into the distance, ignoring me completely. I turned away from him and resolved to not involve myself in the situation any longer. If he answered me, fine, if not, fine. I didn't care either way. So caught up was I in my thoughts that I failed to notice the not that came flying across the classroom, landing on my desk and bouncing once or twice before falling off entirely. I saw it as it landed and caught it in midair, just before it reached the ground, and I quickly opened it and read what Joey had to say about the line I had sent him. My tactics had proven effective, this response was almost dripping with heartfelt emotion. I lifted my lip in a sneer as I read the letters on the page, but I did not laugh or scoff aloud. I didn't want to complicate matters further, and if heard me laughing at him in any way I was sure that it would set off an awful chain of destruction that I did not want to be the cause of.
-That isn't true at all. Maybe you don't know what it is to be in love, and that's why you don't understand why I do certain things. Love, real Love, isn't something you can just decide is a bad idea. it doesn't matter if the other person returns the feelings or not. It's uncontrollable, and I can't do a thing about it. Maybe in time it will get better. That's all I can do. You can do the most awful things you can think of to me, and I won't love you any less. I'll still be pissed at you, so don't go getting any ideas, but you can't scare it away. And you can't tell me not to feel things. So just get used to it.
Hmm. How touching. I nearly felt sorry for him. Now I knew that he wouldn't even try to do anything to stop this. He had no will left in him, it had all been eaten away by these weakening emotions. They were crippling him, and now he had resigned himself to this pathetic fate. Well, if he wouldn't even help himself, there was no way that I would do anything to stop him. Let him love me, the dumb bastard. He could dig his own grave without my consent, so what was the point? I wrote down my response and sent the note back to him through the air above.
Upon recieving the note, he glanced up at the clock, and I followed his eyes and checked the time myself. The bell would sound in less than thirty seconds. Just enough time for him to read what I had written. He was going to flip his lid, I knew that, but I would have my escape. Everything in it's place, and timed to perfection. If this was a game, I would have most certainly won.
-Poor lovesick puppy. Dig your own grave if you want, but don't expect me to lie in it with you.
The last bell rang, and the schoolday was over. But the trouble with Joey was just beginning. As the words sunk in to his mind, he at first looked sick with sadness, and then quickly it advance into a blind rage. A single second after the bell went off, he stood up from his desk in a huff and flung the paper ball at me. It bounced off of my desk and fell to the ground, rolling until it stopped just inches from my feet.
"You asshole!" He screamed and pointed in my direction. The surrounding students, who had been anxiously packing up their things in the hopes of leaving for home, stopped at this new accusation and avidly watched the scene. Joey neither noticed nor cared about who was there or not, and stood rigidly still, fuming visibly and sending out anger in waves which nearly caused me to take a step backwards. I had stood from my own seat at the same moment as he, but instead of gathering all of my things as the others had, I stood still and watched Joey as he unleashed his anger. The students who had stopped to watch quickly finished collecting their things and all but ran out of the classroom, leaving Joey and I nearly alone, save the teacher and a few of those faceless whiners that were always clinging to him at every convievable moment.
"Joey Wheeler, out! And you too, Seto Kaiba! If you both want a fight, it'll have to be outside." The teacher had heard Joey's outburst, as had most of the people within a five mile radius, and appeared to be displeased with the both of us.
"Come on, Joey, he's not worth it." One of the mindless followers spoke to Joey in hushed tones while pulling at his uniform sleeve, trying to physically drag him outside the classroom. Stupid kid, he needed to stay out of this. This was between Joey and I. I pushed past all of them roughly and made my way to the exit.
"Yes, Joey, listen to your little friends. I'm not worth it. You and I both know that, so perhaps it's time to give up your hopeless dreaming and get on with life." Turning on my heel with the very last words of the sentence, I expertly strode out of the classroom with a haughty air that begged for him to follow. This was not finished, not by a longshot.
After I was a few feet away from the door, I slowed my pace down and casually walked down the hallway. He would come out of that classroom and give me what for in about five seconds from right now. Five, four, three, two,
"This ain't finished yet, Kaiba!"
One.
The smile on my face spoke of nothing except for pure and untarnished satisfaction. Everything fell into it's place. When had I become so interested in inciting Joey's rage? There was just something sweet in my ability to make him feel like no one else could make him feel. No one could take my place. I was special somehow, and the thought gave me a rush of something that tasted quite nice. I turned to face the onslaught directly. This I had to see.
"Is that so? Tell me puppy, what is it that you need me to finish?"
Joey walked at me so quickly that it looked as though we would collide if he didn't slow down soon. He came to a intransigent halt a few inches just before it would be too late, and the breadth of space between the two of us was slight at best. His eyes were narrowed and he looked to be more upset than angry. Served me right, if it mattered at all, which it didn't.
"Do you honestly think that you can treat me this way and I won't do anything back to you?" His voice was hushed, a strained whisper that only I could hear. I looked past him for a moment and caught the sight of a few pairs of worried eyes, watching me to see if I would retaliate. His friends were watching, and it hit me just hten that they still did not know about thier friend and his love for another. He was whispering because they were watching him, and he did not want to tell them what we were arguing about. I looked away from them and back to Joey, who was searching my face as if looking for something that might be tucked away underneath.
"Your friends are watching you," I spoke just as silently as he, and my voice was not angry or threatening. It was filled with something not so far from concern, and as I listened to myself speak I felt very strange about it. That wasn't how that was meant to sound at all. Joey heard what I said, and I think that he understood what I meant my that, because he backed away a good few inches and collected himself. But as he thought about the situation, his face took on a sudden change, one that looked like desperation mixed with equal portions of fear and insanity. He looked at me undeviatingly, and in the very next second I felt a premonition sinking inside of me, and my eyes grew wide with shock. I knew how this would end, and it would be in tragedy. In my eyes, at least. But for all the knowledge in the world, I simply could not move my feet from where they were planted, and I firmly stood my ground and accepted the inevitable. I didn't want this, but I didn't quite hate it, either. I was alright with it, for the moment.
"I don't care anymore." He spoke firmly and with a highly justified sense of pride, and at that moment he had never looked as shining or so true to himself ever before, and the sight was almost awesome in my eyes. I head his feet as they shuffled forward and intermixed with my own, and I felt his sneakers scrape ever so gently across the side of one of my boots in his effort to close all distance between us. He went for it, wholly and without shame or regret, and I couldn't deny him what he took from me.
Joey Wheeler kissed me in the hallway of the school. The walkways were packed with kids tiredly making their way out of the building, and one by one they all stopped to stare at the unimaginable, the unthinkable, which had just occured. I'm sure his little academy of friendship supporters were still watching to be sure that their partner in crime would be alright. They would see it all, and Joey didn't care. I had to hand it to him, he surely didn't belong with those empty headed fools, swaying this way and that whenever the breeze of the majority swept through. No, Joey was independant, he did what he pleased and what he wanted he sought, and I rather liked that about him. He was strikingly similar to myself, in some ways. I heard a few whispering voices and some scattered whistles, and from far off I heard someone catcalling at the open display. But all of these things I noticed in a strange way, in a way that did not matter in the least to me until much later when I thought about it clearly. I was simply not paying attention.
The look on my face as he closed the distance must have been ridden with an unimaginable horror, yet he continued on, and without hesitation he pressed his lips against mine in a very absolute and finishing sort of way. A kiss that spoke a great length on how Joey planned to finish this, and I allowed it to be. I panicked for just a moment when I realized that I had never done this sort of thing before, and I was convinced that I would not be very good at it, but I needen't have worried because soon after that thought crossed my mind another steeled into it's place and set my nervous worries to rest. Joey didn't care. Joey would enjoy this no matter what, and as he took over and moved his lips hesitantly at first, and then more forcefully in the absence of my denial, I realized that he did know how to do this sort of thing, and quite well at that. I wasn't entirely sure why I was humoring him in this way, but I gave it no more thought and let him do what he had to do. Maybe now he might leave me alone.
It was over in a matter of seconds, yet for an eternity we were locked together in my mind, and when it was over and he pulled away I wondered why he had. Hadn't he wanted this? The expression on my face must have been full of the question, because he smiled at me and his smile was reassuring, in a sickening way. Sinckening to me because I had wanted to see it, I had needed reassurance and had unknowingly shown him. This was indeed a different place that I found myself in.
I looked over at the crowd that had gathered around us and shot them a glare that was filled with a pure and deadly venom, and they scattered in fear, somehow knowing without me having to tell them that I would indeed come for them in the night. When I brought my eyes back to the place where Joey had stood, I found it empty. Joey was no longer there. I looked further away and saw him walking away, surrounded by the reverent masses that circled him indefinitely. Joey was finished. I turned and left in the opposite direction, and made my way home.
Some kind of unspoken agreement had been formed here, but an agreement to what I had no idea. What had I just sold myself into? I made several vain attempts to silence the endless chatter that droned on in my mind at the absence of occupation, but after hours of thinking about not thinking about it, I realized that that, too, was in a sense thinking about it after all. I quit. I thought, and my thoughts carried on far into the evening. And still, the ever present question still remained, as though the very asking of it had infected my mind with a desire to know.
What will it be? Anything at all, whenever I wish. What will it be?
AN: Oh, lots of fun action here. This was a joy to write, and the words flew continuously from my fingers until I realized that I had written a very long chapter indeed. Happy Birthday. I hope it's not getting out of hand, but the words will not listen to my disagreements. They will be written, even if they have to kill me! I swear, they'll do it! So...what do you think? You must speak to me, lest I forget what it means to be human and to interact with others of my own kind. What will it be for you? Anything at all, whatever you wish. What would you take?
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