Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Duel of Love ❯ Beauty ( Chapter 20 )

Disclaimer: I don’t own Yu-Gi-Oh   A/N: Only three reviews for my last chapter?  Wow…I guess I’m not doing as well as I thought I was, oh well, time to try again!   Duel of Love   Chapter 21: Beauty   Pharaoh Atemu        The next few weeks were like something from a dream.  Miss Katiana and I would spend long hours in the library talking about everything we could and at night sometimes I’d hold her until she fell asleep in my arms and I would get to put her to bed.  She worked hard on translating the tomes but as a cure for my…other half wasn’t necessary anymore I changed the goal to learn more about the shadow games and controlling them.  Talking up late at night…something I never thought I’d be able to do.  Miss Katiana has been a blessing…without my other self to take over when the shadows become too much, I do it by myself…taxing myself to no end.  I need to learn how to control the shadows better, for Katiana, for myself.       “My Pha…Pharaoh?” she asked and I looked up from the pages of translation she had given to me earlier.  She still wouldn’t call me by my name, but I thought in a few ways she would once I got her trust back.  This time, once I got her trust back it would not fade away from me again, I would hold onto it, hold it as if it were the most precious thing I had…which in many ways it was.  I wouldn’t let her leave me.      “Yes?  What is it Miss Katiana?” I asked, realizing how I never even called her by her name only just as she didn’t call me by my name.  A name was a powerful thing but if we loved each other we should be able to say it, right?      “Have you l…looked through them all y…yet?” she asked with a small smile, “It’s g…getting late and we s…should be getting some s…sleep…”      “That’s right,” I said, stifling a yawn I didn’t know had been coming, “I have meetings tomorrow and the like…I’ll walk you back to your room.”      “That w…would be fine,” she stammered and I smiled.  Even after all we had been through she still was a shy girl.  Some of her scars had healed now but even then others still remained and she still had trouble sometimes seeing herself as beautiful.  I absolutely loved her though, more than anything in the world.  I put her notes back in a pile and stood, walking over to where she was and offered her an arm.  She stood and took it, placing her head against my shoulder lightly.  She hadn’t done this before but I reveled in it.  Her cheek felt so soft against my arm.  A small thrill of excitement ran through me but I quashed it, I wouldn’t do anything without her permission first of all and second, I could tell she was too tired to do anything anyways.  She had been working hard for the past couple of days.  I touched her other cheek lightly with my free hand and she smiled at me.  I loved her smile…I had feared before that she would never smile again… but here we were and she still smiled.      “I don’t want you working yourself so hard Miss Katiana,” I said worriedly, “You’ve been really tired all this week.  I think you should take a day and just rest…sleep in, visit Madera or some other friend…”
     “I c…could not,” she replied, “I w…want to finish…”      “You don’t have to rush,” I said, “Even when my darker half was a problem I never wanted you to rush.”      “I’m f…fine though,” she said with a small smile.      “Just don’t rush,” I repeated as we waked on, “I don’t want anything happening like you getting sick…”      “I h…hardly ever get sick,” she said, “Really, I don’t g…get sick.”      “I understand that but if you do push yourself too hard you will get sick,” I insisted.  She was arguing over such a silly point with me, something like this wasn’t worth arguing over.  But here we were, arguing over it.      “Oh, my r…room,” she said, changing the subject, “I’m g…going to bed now.”      “Of course, you must be very tired,” I said, “I’ll let you sleep now.”      “Let me s…sleep, thanks,” she said teasingly and touched a strand of my hair.  I took her hand in mine, it was okay, we both loved each other…and yet I was still unwilling to take the next step.  I wanted her to trust me again before I would.      “Miss Katiana,” I said, “I know I’ve made this plea before but I am making it again tonight…”      “As y…you do every n…night,” she said.      “I know,” I said gently, “But I must.  Miss Katiana, you can call me by my real name, Atemu, you don’t have to be so formal when you address me.”      “My pharaoh, I t…that’s not proper,” she said.      “I am the pharaoh,” I said pointedly, “I can ask you to call me whatever I wish.”      “But I’m not h…high born nor am I r…royalty…” she said.  This argument was getting old to me; she had called my name before and it had been the best thing I had ever heard!      “Miss Katiana, you’ve called me by my name before and I loved it.  Please, I beg of you, call me by my name; you don’t know how long it’s been…” I said.      “I c…called you by that name a w…while ago,” she said, “But t…that was when I w…wasn’t thinking.”      “Miss Katiana,” I began but she hushed me, pressing a finger to my lips as she stepped into her room.  She was such a temptress even if she doesn’t see it yet…she still has to see herself as beautiful…she will soon.  I know she will.      “Goodnight,” she said and shut the door to her room, shutting it in my face.      “Goodnight,” I said to the door, “I love you.”  I could only pray again tonight that she had begun to trust me again.   Katiana        I wanted to trust him again, I really did, but my fear of being hurt again wouldn’t let me drop any barriers, any major ones at least.  I loved him and still was afraid to call him by his name.  He wanted me to, begged me every day but still I didn’t say it.  I wanted to but I didn’t want to be impolite.  I couldn’t be impolite I wasn’t raised that way.      “Ra, w…why am I so m…messed up?” I asked myself as I threw myself onto my bed, “I w…wish I could trust again.”   Pharaoh Atemu        The next morning came quickly enough and my heart filled with all the possibilities of what I talk about with Miss Katiana when I had finished my duties for the day.  I wondered if there was something I could tell her that would make things…allow her to trust me, even just a little.  I had secrets just as everyone did and I wanted to tell her all of them in time, when I thought I was ready.  Would any of them be good enough to tell her how much I trusted her and how much she could trust me?  I didn’t know if there was anything worthy of her.  Perhaps I should just tell her everything and show her I had nothing I wanted to hide against her.       I didn’t tell her about…about how I knew the thief…how I knew the thief Bakura.  I knew him and didn’t tell her, didn’t even warn her.  Then again, how could I have warned her about him?  What could I have said?  ‘Watch out for a thief because he’s after revenge?’  She would have taken that too seriously or brushed it off…and that wouldn’t have stopped him from taking her.  But still, if he didn’t tell her I knew him I should tell her…she would be mad at me but I had to tell her.  It wouldn’t change what had happened but maybe, maybe it would allow her to trust me again.   …        “Miss Katiana?” I asked, finding her in the library once again later that evening, “I need to talk to you.”      “W…What about?” she asked.  I decided to get right to the point and tell her.  I brought a chair close to hers and sat down next to her.  I took her hands into my mind and lowered my head.       “I need to tell you something,” I said, “It’s not like it will make things better…but I think…well, the thief came after you because of me.”      “W…What?” she asked, disbelief apparent in her voice, “Because of y…you…I don’t get it.  W…What do you mean, I m…mean he said he…”      “He did it to hurt me, to hurt the one I loved.  I know who he is,” I whispered.      “You k…knew?  You knew he w…would take me?” she asked and I raised my head to see a sprinkling of tears in her eyes.      “No, I didn’t know that, I didn’t know he was going to kidnap you Miss Katiana.  But he’s been seeking revenge on me for a long time now and you were a way to hurt me.  He did…he did hurt me,” I said, “Ra Miss Katiana, you…I love you so much…and I came so close to loosing you.  I came so close to loosing the only person that had ever really cared about me and there was nothing I could have done!  I raced to find you and I felt weak, hopeless, and powerless.  I couldn’t loose you; I didn’t want to loose you!  Miss Katiana, I was afraid, afraid I was going to loose you.  He took you from me, and I hadn’t been able to protect you.  I had walked away!  You told me you loved me, and I walked away and you were taken.”      “Pharaoh,” she said softly.      “No, I can’t…I can’t hurt you again,” I said, “I don’t want to loose you!”  I had gotten out of my chair and was once again crying on her lap.  She was on the floor again and so was I.  I felt weak, drained again, everything crashing down on me in a moment.  I loved her and I had let her get hurt.      “You w…won’t,” she said, “I’m n…not going anywhere.”      “Every scar you received you have to bear forever now because of me and I don’t have any,” I said, “And now you think yourself ugly because of it and I don’t know what to do anymore!”      “I understand,” she whispered and I raised my head to look at her, still clutching her hands with mine.      “What do you understand?” I asked, “You suffer now because of me.”      “I k…know what love is t…thanks to you,” she whispered, “Doesn’t that a…account for anything?”      “I love you,” I murmured back, “And I know you love me but that doesn’t change the fact that I hurt you!”      “But…” she began but I silenced her, holding a hand to her lips.      “Ra Miss Katiana, I don’t know what’s what anymore…I want you to trust me again but I don’t know what to do!”      “What to d…do what?”      “I don’t know how to get you to trust me again!”      “Pharaoh…” she said gently and took a free hand and now touched my cheek, and I found myself leaning into that touch, the warmth of it overwhelming me.      “Miss Katiana, the woman of my dreams, the temptress of my heart.”  These were murmured nothings and yet, I wanted to say it, I needed her to hear me say it.      “I l…love you,” she whispered, and a pause followed that, “Pharaoh…no, A…Atemu, I t…trust you…”      “What did you just say?” I asked, raising my head and my body so I sat up facing her, “What did you just say?”      “I t…trust you,” she said, “At l…least…just a little.”      “Why?”      “Because you suffer w…with me.”      “I don’t understand.”      “Regret…you r…regret it all, don’t you?”      “With all my heart I swear I will never let harm befall you again!”      “Then you s…suffer because of me.”      “Of course I suffer!” I exclaimed and realized what she meant.  We both caused each other to suffer.  She suffered because I didn’t protect her well enough and she had been gravely injured and I suffered out of my fear and regret of loosing her and possibly loosing her again, which I would not allow to happen.      “I l…love you so much,” she whispered and came forward into my embrace.  I held her there against me, touching her cheek with my hand, which she took into her own, pressing her hand against mine.  I kissed her hair, inhaling the scent of her, all of her.  She said she trusted me.      “How much though, how much do you trust me?”      “A l…little,” she said, “I s…still can’t…”
     “I understand,” I whispered into her ear, “I understand and I don’t care.  Little by little, small steps, I am patient…I can wait.  I promise that, I love you Miss Katiana.”  I had even heard her say my name again, something I had not heard in such a long time from her; well, it had seemed like such a long time.  She didn’t leave me, for that I was forever grateful.  I needed her, needed her more than anything I’ve ever wanted, ever needed before.  I wanted…I wanted to take the next step.      I moved my hand down her cheek towards her chin, relaxing us both onto the floor more.  I didn’t want this to be uncomfortable for her or me and this had to be sweet…it had to be romantic.  I had to be careful and make sure it was okay.  Everything…if I wanted to take the next step…I had to make sure it was perfect.  I pushed her a little bit away from me and she looked at me, her eyes full of confusion as I released her chin.  My heart beat fast, every beat pounding against my chest, threatening to tear me open.  Was she nervous…did she know what I was going to do?   Katiana        I watched him with wide eyes, unable to sense what he was planning to do, unable to see what was going to happen next.  A million thoughts raced across my mind, about what he might be about to do, each thought leaving me wanting, hoping he’d do something.  This was like the night we had…on the balcony, it was such a long time ago!  He had looked as if he was going to kiss me there, but he had pressed his lips against my forehead instead.  Was he going to do that now?  Was he going to just leave everything hanging in the open and let me rip myself in two over it?  He said he didn’t want to hurt again.      “Say my name Miss Katiana, please,” he whispered and my breath hitched in my throat for a moment, unsure of whether I should respond or not.      “…” I sat there with him, my chin held by his hand, unsure of my next step, or his for that matter.      “Please, even if it’s just a whisper on the wind,” he said and I found myself able to talk again.      I found my voice, as quiet as it was now, “Atemu…”       He lowered his head down towards mine, my heart pounding slowly, loudly, waiting, and waiting for what was going to happen.  I wanted to close my eyes but I didn’t want to miss anything, not the expression on his face nor the look in his eyes.  He seemed to swoop down on me, his gaze piercing, his crimson orbs piercing my green eyes and I felt his lips touch against my forehead and my hopes fell.  They stayed there for a moment and then he raised his head, releasing my chin, looking at me as if to gauge my expression and then he pressed his lips against my nose.  They were soft, slightly wet and Ra I think he was tormenting me!  He pulled his head away and looked at me once more, his eyes filled with love, a loneliness that I had seen time and time again beginning to fade into nothing.       His head came towards me; he murmured wonderful nothings as I felt him near, but a breath away from my lips with his.  He brushed against my lips and my world collapsed, nothing mattered, nothing but him and me and this.  He brushed against my lips again and I shuddered and almost fell into his arms more than I already was but he held me steady.  Then he kissed me, his lips softly touching mine and I raised my head to meet him, closing my eyes and reveling in the feel of this.  He began to draw me in, spiraling down towards him as his lips moved across mine, causing me to moan.  I felt a fire in it, pure love streaked through me through my body, my blood pulsing, my heart pounding.  This was what a kiss was!  This…was this what love truly felt like?  I felt him brush his hand against my cheek as he drew me in deeper and my hand moved to his chest, spreading my fingers across his clothes.  His hand came to mine and engulfed it, as warm as his lips were, and I felt safe, protected…loved.  I felt his tongue reach out to taste me and he moaned, I couldn’t tell if he meant to or not.  He kissed me harder, drawing me closer to him and passion flooded my mind, passion and fire flooded my heart and I wanted him, only him.  I was shattering and yet he held me together.       He held me there, trapped in the bliss of our lips joined, the abyss I was falling into with him.  Ra, I loved him so much…I loved him so much!      He began to end it, gently, raising his head, brushing his lips against me once, twice, thrice and pulling away still holding my cheek in his hand, still holding me tightly against him.      I sat there in his embrace, breathing heavily, panting from lack of air.  He was breathing just as heavily as I, I could feel it, and my head was buried in his shoulder now, close to his chest, close to his heart.  I could feel his warm breath upon my hair and we stayed there.      “I d…didn’t know,” I whispered.      “Didn’t know what my princess?” he asked, using a nickname for me, one he had occasionally called me before.      “That…that…” I stammered, unable to find the words, the right words to use for such a moment as this.  No words could describe it; no words would give it justice.      “Don’t speak,” he whispered, “Just don’t say anything.”  And I didn’t.  I said nothing, I let him hold me, touching my lips slightly; reveling in the fact his own lips had been there moments before.  I don’t think he even knew what to say…   Even the name of this feeling escapes me…   TBC   A/N: I thought the kiss was a little poetic, didn’t you?    The quote at the end is a slight excerpt from Immortal Rain, which I don’t own; I just thought it was fitting.  Was it worth a little wait?  I promise I’ll try to update sooner but I can’t make guarantees, April is a busy month for me.  I’m trying to update every Sunday now so every week something should be updated although it won’t always be this.  I hope you can wait and wait patiently, I will get to updating this eventually; I like this story a lot.   You know the drill, review please and don’t flame!  Any flames will roast marshmallows for those that like this story!  REVIEW!