Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Emergence ❯ Weekends are Made for Having Fun ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: Yugi-oh is the property of Kazuki Takahashi, who is a genius. I get nothing from this except giggles and sore fingers.

Please read Chrysalis before you read this story. Otherwise you might find yourself wondering what the hell is going on. This is the second part of a story arch and while you might be able to understand what is happening, you'd like it a lot more if you read the first part and came back to this later.

I admit before you even begin, Kaiba is more than a little OOC. I did this on purpose. If you read Chrysalis you might have noticed I once asked if anyone would like to have a story about Kaiba getting a secretary. I decided to integrate that story into this one. Jame is NOT going to get romantically involved with anyone, she is here solely to annoy Kaiba and provide some comic relief as this story gets darker.

Emergence

Chapter 5: Weekends Were Made for Having Fun

~*~*~*

Kaiba

~*~*~*

Kaiba slumped down in his office chair and scowled at the security report that sat in front of him. It wasn't that he was really upset, actually part of him was insanely gleeful about the news, throwing a wild party in the back of his head, complete with noise makers, party streamers and dances of joy. The other part of his mind was trying to figure out what the hell he was going to do now.

"Who knew she had the brains?" he muttered to himself, nudging the file with a irritated finger.

Kado, with the new inventory and last quarter's audit in hand, had tracked down an embezzler in the heart of Kaiba Corp. The stunning new was…it was his secretary. The overdressed, blond, bunny rabbit had been quietly skimming off about three thousand a month for the last nine months, and reworking some of the departmental budgets that came across her desk to cover her crime. Usually, this would ensure not just immediate firing, but also Kaiba Corp. lawyers turning the embezzler into steak tartar, while Kaiba implemented a scorched earth policy on the idiot's life.

However, this was his secretary. Who was he going to get to replace her? Last time he checked there was no one in Japan, good, bad or insane, that would willingly take that position. He'd tried. The last place he contacted had screamed in horror and had his phone number blocked. At the place before that, the receptionist had fallen to the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter and they had to have an ambulance called to give her a sedative and some oxygen.

He swung his chair to face out his window, calculating his present secretary's actual take home pay, odds that he could find a competent secretary who would actually want to work for him and just how difficult it would be to work without a secretary. Damn, this month I was going to finally do away with those assistants I inherited from the executive board. Now I have to do this instead.

~*~*~*

Yamis

~*~*~*

Bakura blinked. Marik blinked. Yami Yugi smiled.

They were sitting in the Shadow Realm, next to the glowing blue river that Yami Yugi loved. Marik was sprawled on his back under a tree that resembled a willow with tiny glowing blue flowers, that were really quite pretty, until you noticed that each shy blossom had teeth, a few were chewing small insects and tiny creatures that squealed sharply with each chomp. Bakura was sitting cross legged on the grass, idly playing with grass stems that left a delicate aroma of lavender on his fingers and Yami Yugi sat with his back against the tree trunk, occasionally poking the tree whenever it tried to eat him. The tree, recipient of about twenty small finger sized bruises, sulked and rained tiny silver leaves down on the trio that rested under it. The river lazed along, occasionally sending out a inquiring tentacle to see if anyone would volunteer to become lunch. No one had yet, but it was still hopeful.

"It will work. We just have to work together." Yami Yugi finished laying his plan before the other two yamis and waited for the outcome.

Marik looked suspiciously at the pharaoh, "You aren't going to start a togetherness-heart of the cards-we should all throw our arms around each other and sing Kumbiya speech, are you?"

The pharaoh looked at him steadily for a second then kicked him in the head with one steel toed boot. Marik smiled, reassured that all was as it should be in his world, and went back to watching tiny animals die painfully in the delicate flowers over his head, .

Bakura snorted, "What makes you think we can work together? Hell, we usually are trying our best to kill each other."

Yami Yugi shrugged, "I don't see why not, after all our hikaris…"

Marik suddenly sat up and whacked Yami Yugi's foot. Hard. Then turned so Bakura couldn't see his face and scowled at the pharaoh while looking pointedly at the thief.

Yami Yugi caught his sentence and changed it mid-stride without even a tiny break, "..would be much safer if we all had bodies and could interact in their realm."

Marik brushed Yami Yugi's foot a bit dramatically, then thumped back down to lay on the grass, "Sorry your pharaohness, one of those flowers was chewing on your boot."

Bakura growled, "When since have you cared?"

"Don't really, but I was thinking of stealing his shoes after I kill him." Marik yawned.

"Oh, this is going to work out great." Bakura grumbled.

Marik shrugged, "I think it could work. We have a common goal. You two want your old bodies back and I'd just like to have a body. Why not team up?"

"Maybe because you're a psycho-loony who wants to take over the world, murder us in our sleep and have wild sex with our hikaris, preferably on top of our dead bodies?" Bakura snapped, tossing a handful of grass at the blond yami.

Marik looked hurt, "You make it sound like it's bad."

"I am not having this conversation." Bakura shook his head.

Yami Yugi tried to pull the conversation back on track. "It could still work. It won't be like we are going to be handcuffed together. We just take our respective areas and make a through search, then we report the results to each other."

"How do we make sure one of us doesn't keep all the information to themselves." Bakura rubbed his fingers together, absently sniffing the lavender scent.

"If one of us shows up with a body, the other two kill him, after first torturing the information out of him." Marik smiled up at the tree, pleased with his contribution.

"Yay." Bakura hurrahed without any enthusiasm. "Count me in."

Marik bounced happily up. "Great! Let's get to work."

~*~*~*

Yugi and Yuai

~*~*~*

Yugi smiled at Yuai as they walked out of the movie and tossed their popcorn bucket into the trash. The movie, The House that Dripped Blood, had been about as scary as watching a candle melt. After all, little could really scare you once you've had your soul trapped in the Shadow Realm, had it sucked out twice, been stuck in two virtual worlds with certifiable whackos and had various monsters suddenly pop into your life out of a deck of cards. Yugi sighed, it was just too hard to get quality escapism these days.

"I still don't get why that idiot girl didn't just walk out of the house." Yuai swirled the last bit of her Slurpee around in her cup. "The whole thing could have been solved with a can of gas, a match and taxi fare."

Yugi laughed, "Oh, it wasn't that bad. I liked the bit where the clown came out of the closet and ran into the guy in the hockey helmet."

Yuai tossed her cup into the last garbage container as they left the building, "That was okay. At least, the clown didn't scream like a strangled rabbit when the hockey guy killed him with the food processor."

"Do you want something to eat? I'm starving." Yugi tugged her toward Pizza Heaven that was across the street from the cinema.

"Sure." Yuai grinned, "I can show you some of what Kaiba's been teaching me about that Duel Monsters game."

~*~*~*

Kaiba

~*~*~*

"You mean, someone actually submitted their resume? To Kaiba Corp.? To be my secretary?" Kaiba held the neatly printed sheet of paper, staring at it as if Ra had come down personally and blessed it, leaving his divine fingerprints on the document.

Tanaka nodded, "She walked in yesterday and handed it in."

"And she's sane?" Kaiba shook his head, "No, no. I don't want to know. Doesn't matter." He carefully laid the document reverently on his desk, stroking it with his fingertips, not noticing Tanaka looking at him worriedly. "Amazing. It's even spelled correctly. The last two couldn't even manage that."

"Why don't I set up a interview and get a background check done on her?" Tanaka backed slowly toward the door.

"Yes, that's fine. And type up the employment papers, just leave the salary blank. I'll fill it in later." Kaiba smiled blissfully, and in Tanaka's opinion, scarily, down at the resume.

"Okay, Mr. Kaiba, sir. Why don't I get right on that?" Tanaka had gained the door, just another two steps he could really put some distance between himself and his, again in his opinion, suddenly far to easy going boss, and said bosses sudden obsession with a piece of paper.

"Good idea. I want the interview today. Two pm. I want everything ready to hire her on my desk at one." Kaiba patted the resume, still wearing the same blissed out smile.

Tanaka bolted.

Kaiba didn't even notice his leaving.

~*~*~*

Yamis

~*~*~*

"Why can't I take the Shadow Realm? I know it just as well, if not better than you." Bakura slapped a curious tentacle irritably watching the river retract it with a soft bubble of sound.

"Because neither of us knows how to use computers. That's why." Yami Yugi snapped, brushing leaves off his head. "Solomon thinks they're evil, time sucking, wastes of money."

"Isis watched some freaky show where a demon was running loose in the internet and threw Malik's out the window." Marik scooped up the leaves the pharaoh bushed off and fed them to the tree's flowers, pleased with watching them essentially cannibalize themselves.

"Damn, why do I get the geek work?" Bakura scowled as another tentacle slithered toward him.

"Don't be so negative. Just think. Once you get a body, you can maim, torture and terrorize. Just like the old days." Marik plucked a flower and tossed it at Bakura, who swatted it midair, before it could bite him.

"I didn't maim, torture and terrorize. I starved, ran, hid in smelly cess pits that passed as the poor section of town and spent a lot of time plotting how to make him," Bakura nodded at Yami Yugi, "miserable."

"Well, at least you accomplished one career goal." The pharaoh tossed a handful of leaves at the tentacle causing it to retract violently. "I can't even die without you mucking it up."

"NOT. MY. FAULT." Bakura grabbed some leaves and tossed them into the river, which started bubbling madly. "I can't help it if you can't even figure out how to die correctly, you moronic, inbred…"

"Look, I love a good bloody brawl, but I would like to have a body before we slaughter each other off. More satisfying splatter patterns that way." Marik patted a flower and turned, walking off. "I'll start looking in the library." He looked over at Bakura, "Just remember though. If you, by some miracle manage to kill him," he nodded at Yami Yugi, "I get his boots."

Bakura glared at Marik's retreating back. "I say the first thing we do, when we get bodies, is kill him."

~*~*~*

Yugi and Yuai

~*~*~*

Yuai squirmed in her seat. She liked Yugi. He was the first boyfriend she ever had. He was absolutely adorable. He was sweet. He made her happy just by being near her. What is wrong with me? He is probably the nicest guy on earth. Why can't I feel more than a urge to drag him off to play Mousetrap? Why do I have to consciously remind myself to kiss him? Am I missing some kind of important hormone or something?

Yugi sat across from her examining her deck, unaware of her troubled stare. "These are some really nice cards. Did Kaiba give them to you?"

Yuai shook her head, clearing her thoughts, "No, he helped me pick them out though."

Yugi nodded flipping through the cards, then stopped, "Where did you find this one?" He held up a Dark Magician card.

"At the store." Yuai shrugged taking a bite of her pizza. "I didn't know if it was a good card or not. But considering Kaiba nearly had a seizure when he saw I had it, I thought it had to be okay."

Yugi nodded, "It's my favorite card. You should try to find Magical Hats to go with it."

"I don't remember seeing that." Yuai took another bite, "But if it's your favorite, why don't you take it. It's not doing me much good. Every time I try to play it you can practically see smoke coming out Kaiba's ears."

Yugi fingered the card thoughtfully, then replaced it in her deck. "Thanks, but I already have three in my deck, so I can't have another."

"Oh, okay." Yuai took a sip of soda. Maybe I need a therapist? My screwed up past is interfering with my sexual identity or something like that?

Yugi put her deck back in her card case and handed them back across the table. "Looks like your off to a good start." He grabbed a piece of pizza and bit in.

Yuai tucked her deck in her purse. Maybe I'm gay, maybe I just like girls better. That's okay. Wait, wait. Hold on a sec.. Oh, Kami! What if I end up dating Anzu! She looked desperately at Yugi who was eyeing his soda as if expecting it to run off at any second.

"Did you order Pepsi or Dr. Pepper?" Yugi asked swallowing his pizza.

"I got Sprite." Oh no! I'm going to end up with Anzu! Kami hates me, just look at my past! The only nightmare that hasn't happened is rolling around like a sweaty monkey with Anzu.

"Are you feeling alright? You look a bit green." Yugi took a gulp of his soda, watching Yuai with large concerned eyes.

"Maybe the pizza was a bad idea." Yuai felt a bit green. Bad mental image! Bad! BAD!

"Let's go home then." Yugi gulped down the last of his soda, waving to the waitress for a box for their pizza.

~*~*~*

Kaiba

~*~*~*

Kaiba was in love. If Jonouchi didn't own his heart and soul, he would have thrown them at her feet. She was everything he ever dreamed about in a secretary. She spoke in coherent sentences. She knew how to spell Constantinople without a spell checker. She was miraculously dressed in a business suit, with the buttons correctly buttoned. She even did basic math without a calculator. He wondered if he had experienced a terrible accident on the way to work, and even now, was lying in a coma, dreaming.

Jame looked across at Kaiba and wondered how long it would take him to fire her. She'd bet Drover and Tink it would only take a week before he gave her the boot. There were a host of conditions to the bet, like she couldn't actively seek to be fired, she couldn't quit, she had to do her job to the best of her abilities, she couldn't physically attack him, and she couldn't, under any circumstances, tell him her real job. All things considered, however, she should be back to her well earned vacation time in a matter of days with two personal slaves for the entire sun-drenched, margarita swilling time. She pulled out her palm-pilot and made a notation to check airfares.

Kaiba watched her. He knew he was dreaming now. She had a palm-pilot. She knew how to use it. She was actually making a note to herself on it. Sweet Ra! She might actually be able to use more than a basic word processing program! "You're hired."

"Excuse me?" She looked up at him questioningly, "Isn't it standard procedure to at least review a person's resume before hiring them?"

"It's been reviewed."

"How about interviewing the candidate. You haven't asked me a single question besides how to spell Constantinople and how much six plus eight equals." She flipped her palm-pilot closed and placed it back in her pocket.

"The interview is over. You're hired."

"That was brief." She flicked a piece of dust off her blue wool suit.

He handed her the job description Tanaka had provided for him. "These are your duties."

She scanned the list, nodded and looked back up at him, "And just how much will I be paid for this?"

Kaiba bit his lip before he could blurt out she could name her price and took a deep breath. "My last secretary took home about a hundred and fifty thousand a year."

She tipped her head, looking at him, "A hundred and fifty thousand? What did the woman do? Lay golden eggs?"

Kaiba folded his hands in his lap, suppressing the urge to grab her and tie her to the chair. "I'll pay you two hundred thousand."

"Am I supposed to lay golden eggs?" She scanned the job description again more carefully.

Kaiba took another deep breath. Wait. Wait. Be patient. She hasn't run yet. She probably needs the job.

She nodded to herself, satisfied. "Very well. I accept. I can start Monday."

"You start tomorrow." Kaiba didn't want her out of his sight, not for a moment, definitely not for a couple days. His competitors were sneaky, they might try to grab his new found treasure.

"I'm living in a hotel. I need to find a real place to live." Jame reached down and picked up her briefcase, opened it and neatly filed the job description away.

"I'll have it taken care of, just leave a list of specifications with Tanaka. If you have furniture, he will arrange the moving and unpacking." Oh dear Ra! She filed something! She actually filed something, IN A BRIEFCASE!!

Jame looked into the rather intense blue eyes of her new employer and felt a chill run down her spine. This bet might be just a bit more difficult than I first thought…

~*~*~*

Yugi

~*~*~*

Yugi pattered upstairs, turning the lights off in the living room as he passed. Grandpa was already asleep, his soft snores tumbling down the stairs. Yami, he sensed, was drowsily purring to himself about something, probably in his bath again or curled in bed. Bed was where he was planning to go.

The night had been…well, fun, he guessed. He liked being around Yuai. She was a great girlfriend, fun to be around, intelligent, they had a lot in common and could talk for hours. Then why doesn't it really seem to work for me? Yami keeps saying she's perfect for me. He would know, he's the other half of my soul. So why isn't it working? He walked into his room and sat down on the bed. Tonight had been a typical night for them since they agreed to start dating. A movie, pizza or sometimes burgers, a walk home with a kiss by the door. Nothing special. At school Monday, they would meet outside the school, talk, laugh, hang out with their friends, a couple hugs and a few kisses. During lunch, again, talk, laugh, hang out, kiss, hug. Ditto for after school.

He got up and started pulling off his clothes, while digging his pajamas out from under his pillow. Why isn't this working? Even when I'm sitting right across from her, it's like she's not there. I miss her. I see her every day and I still miss her. He pulled on his pajamas and tucked himself in bed. That's really odd. How can you miss someone who's right there?

~*~*~*

Kaiba and Jonouchi

~*~*~*

It was starting to get on his nerves. Jonouchi had watched Kaiba sit in the chair by the window with the same eerie smile on his face for the last two hours. It wasn't that his love couldn't brood with the best of them. Kaiba was a champion brooder, probably could win a gold if brooding ever became a Olympic event. It was the smile that sent little shivers down his spine. It just wasn't…Kaiba. It was almost as if a Hamtarro had possessed his love, causing him to smile in that weird, mindlessly happy way. It had to stop. Jonouchi stepped over and put a hand on Kaiba's shoulder, bending down to look into those blue, spaced out, eyes.

"Love? Are you alright?" He gave him a small shake.

The eyes didn't focus, the smile didn't dim, "Sure Jo, I'm fine."

"Seto, you're scarring me, here. Did you get attacked by a hamster on the way home?" Jonouchi gently brushed the hair away from Kaiba's face, covertly looking for a head wound to explain this strangeness.

"No. Not that I remember." Kaiba sighed happily, visions of neatly typed letters floating merrily around his head. An organized schedule danced a tango through them, swaying sensuously with a well organized file cabinet.

"Seto, Mokuba told me he was going to shave his head and become a Harri Krishna." Jonouchi couldn't feel any head wounds and felt no signs of fever either.

"Hmmm." Kaiba nodded absently, envisioning being able to actually bring his secretary along to business meetings to take notes for him.

"Love, I'm getting a sex change operation and am going to run off with Rex Raptor and get married." Jonouchi was now past worried. He wondered if someone had drugged Kaiba as his lover just looked dreamily at him. "Look, just stay here, okay? I'm going to call a doctor."

Kaiba caught his hand as he turned, "Jo, a wonderful thing happened today."

Jonouchi kneeled down, peering into his face, worried, "And what was that?"

"I got a new secretary. She can spell, do math, file, type and even…wears a business suit." Kaiba reached out and stroked Jonouchi's hair. "Sweet Ra. She didn't even make a pass at me."

"Really?" Sudden visions of Kaiba coming home on time flitted passed Jonouchi's eyes. An eerie blissful smile plastered itself across his face as pictures of Kaiba taking a weekend off pranced past after them. "When does she start?"

~*~*~*

Review please, or the muse gets it….

Yami no Jean: Thanks for catching the typo. You'll just have to wait to see what's happening with our happy little trio. Exploring that relationship (and messing with it) is why I'm writing this fic.