Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Error of Psyche ❯ Double Edge Sword ( Chapter 1 )

Error of Psyche

Rated: PG-13

Disclaimer: I promise, they're not mine

Warnings: Demented version of shonen-ai, lime…ish.

Notes: Writers block was getting the better of me, so I wrote this to try and fight it off. I don't think it worked very well I'm still stuck on everything else I was working on yet I have the urge to write. Anyways, here we have yet another S/J fanfiction from me, except this time it's Jounouchi/Seto! Jou's POV.

Enjoy if you can.

~*~*~

You're still the emotionless shell you where when we first got together. That is, if you could even say we're 'together'. We have a significant detachment in our relationship. You wanted a way to lose control without ever really loosing it. Where as I on the other hand just wished to be able to be close to one without feeling as if I owed them anything.

Funny how perfect we seem for each other, isn't it? Alas there is one great flaw to that inquisition. I hate you. I hate you and am pretty damn sure that you hate me in all of the same ways. I suppose that makes us even more perfect for one another then I had originally thought.

People do, after all, say that there's a thin line between love and hate. I've always thought that anyone who believed that was lying to themselves. Heck, I still do. I could never imagine what it would be like to love the one I hate. I can never imagine what it would be like to be in love with you. And I pray that I will never have to find that out either.

I suppose me believing that doesn't exactly explain why I'm 'with' you. In fact, it makes it seem like you where the only person I would never end up with. Truthfully, you're the only person I would ever end up with; at least if everything where up to me. Ironic isn't it?

Of course I'm sure that you feel the same way too. Why else would you have come to me? I'm sure you don't need me to tell you that you could have just about anyone you wanted. Who doesn't want a handsome, rich, asshole for a boyfriend these days?

Yet you came to me. I still remember the feeling of shock that rushed through my body when I opened the door to find you there, soaked, which was amusing since it hadn't been raining. I asked you about that before anything else. Your reply to this day still entertains me. You told me "I thought it would be fun to see if I could drown in a fish pond. It didn't work to well as you can see."

Sarcastic as usual. You never did tell me exactly why you where soaking from head to toe. I still wonder about that from time to time, but in the end I figure it had something to do with Mokuba.

"Why are you here?" I had asked you and you had looked down at your feet. You do that a lot now when you're around me. Ashamed to be with me, are you? I know you probably are. I'm not ashamed to be with you. Disgusted, maybe, but never ashamed.

What you had said next startled me. I was pleased in a perverse sort of way. "I want to lose control," you had said, and the words where like sugar. I couldn't believe it, you of all people wanted to lose control. I think I laughed then, actually I know I did.

The next time I looked at you, you where glaring at me in a 'what's-so-damn-funny?' way that people have whenever they're angry. I must admit I miss getting that look from you.

Even though I knew then exactly what you had meant when you told me you wanted to lose control, I asked you to elaborate. Your glare became fiercer; I think you knew I understood what you meant. Still you explained. With each phrase you took a step closer, "I want to have something where I'm not the one who makes the decisions. I want something where I can relax while someone else handles everything. I want something where I don't have to worry if everything is going to go as planed every second of everyday. They only way I will ever have that is if I'm with you."

I took a step forward also. You where close, but not close enough for what you where implying. "So is the master willing to hand over the control to its so-called-weak dog?" I asked, my eyes where locked to your own azure ones. I never noticed before exactly how they could engulf a person. I was always too busy being angry to let them swallow me.

"I believe the master already did that a while ago," You snorted then, I suppose it was out of habit, "the master just didn't want to admit it had already been done."

"Fair enough," was all the answer I had given you before pressing my lips to yours. I was by no means gentle with you. In fact, I believe I must have been a little too rough.

Your muscles where tense, and you where making some odd sort of noise. It wasn't a whimper, grunt, sigh or anything really. It was a mixture of many things that there was really no way to define it. You never did kiss me back.

I pulled away from you, and looked into your cerulean orbs. They where impassive as usual, but for once it actually bothered me. I couldn't tell what you where thinking right then. I couldn't see the anger and disgust that I'm sure was flowing through your veins. You where empty with a small scowl on your face. It what you looked like when you duel. I suppose that's what you consider 'this', a duel of mind rather then cards.

I kissed you again, this time being gentler but it was still detached. You muscles clamped up as they had the first time I kissed you, and they have done that every time after that. You always part your lips allowing my tongue to slip in and dominate your mouth.

However, you still have never kissed me back. Not even after four months of this so-called-relationship have you returned my kisses. I never thought about that before.

I look down at you; your head currently lying in my lap and your arms falling off the side of the couch. You're there with me, but it's like we're afraid to hold each other. "Kaiba," I say.

You make no effort to move your head or even bother to speak with me. Instead all get is a small 'hn' sound you have the habit of making. With a sigh I lift your head up to look at me. You frown.

I believe I'm smiling now. I think that because of the confused look on your face. I lean in and press my lips against yours, soothingly. That surprises you, I can tell by the way you tense more then normal. I can be gentle when I kiss you, but never have I kissed you like I actually meant it. Not that I actually mean that now.

Your muscles relax to a little below the normal edgy level that they have. As I was expecting, your lips part of me, but I deny the invitation. For once I feel like really kissing you because it's what I want, and not the frenzied sort of accord we had made.

For some reason, the knowledge that you have never kissed me back makes me want to kiss you more. I suppose it's sort of a challenge to see if I can actually get you to return it for once.

Feeling short of breath, I pull back. My eyes lingered closed for a moment. Strange, I don't even remember closing them. I've never done it before. You look at me; your piercing blue fire eyes back to their normal void state. The scowl that you wear on your face is deeper then normal. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

"What was that?" You ask me. Right now I'm leaning more towards the bad side then the good. The tone in your voice suggests that you're upset with me.

"I don't know," my answer is truthful. I don't know why I did it, really. I had the urge so I went with it.

You're silently peering at me, which is unnerving. It's like you know there's something that I'm not telling you. What it is, I don't know myself. "You've never kissed me back." I find myself saying. I wonder why I said it. My lips and voice just appear to be working on their own right now.

"I know," You say, I frown. "If I did that would mean I was attached." I don't want to be attached. I know you wanted to say that, but I know you thought it would hurt me.

Honestly, it would too. "This was supposed to be a release, not a relationship Katsuya," that hurt. You know it did too. I don't know why it hurt, but it did. Perhaps I didn't know as much about our 'relationship' as I thought I did. I thought I was the one in control, the one that was detached and non-benefiting from this whole ordeal. I suppose we've both been wrong about that all along.

I really do want to be with you. I hate you, but I want to be with you. I suppose that makes me insane now. No, it doesn't. In truth, the reason I hate you is because I want to be with you. Figures.

Words fall out of your mouth in a faint mutter, I didn't catch what they where. I was too busy kicking myself. Your lips brush against mine, it is I who tense this time, it was you who was kissing me.

Maybe a relationship wouldn't be so bad.

~*~*~

Eh… that didn't work as well as I thought it would. *shrugs* Last part, as you could probably guess, is what Seto said before he kissed Jou. ^^v

I hope everyone enjoyed it, if not, sorry. It's what happens when you attempt to write when you have writer's block. *sigh*

Review if you wish. ^_~