Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Just Shoot Me: The Return of H.U.G.S. ❯ Chibi Madness ( Chapter 8 )

Disclaimer: Yugi-oh is the property of Kazuki Takahashi, who is a genius.

 

Just Shoot Me

Chapter 7: Chibi Madness

~*~*~*

 

“Do we have any baby food?” Honda peered over Yugi's shoulder at the mini tomb robber, who was clambering to his feet and swaying unsteadily.

 

“What, do you think I have baby stuff just tucked away for emergencies!” Yugi yelped and dodged as Ryou found his dropped plate of cake and squealed in joy, waving cake smeared fingers around.

 

“I wan'” Bakura tried grabbing the plate, but overbalanced and body slammed into his twin, sending the littler one face first into the cake.

 

Ryou shrieked and, picking up the plate, smashed it into Bakura's face. “Ba' `ami!”

 

Yami jumped back as the now cake smeared thief dove across to the coffee table. “Here's a question, how do we change them back?”

 

Bakura grabbed Duke's plate and hurled it toward Ryou, smacking Honda in the but. “Naaa!” He dodged around the table, zeroing in on another plate, as Ryou, soft brown eyes narrowed into cunning, two year old, slits grabbed pizza out of the box that sat on the coffee table and flung it at his other.

 

The pizza smacked into Duke's face.

 

“Oh, man.” Honda wiped cake off his pants, “anyone got a towel.”

 

Anzu made a grab for Bakura, who ducked under the table and emerged from the other end. “Forget that! Grab them!”

 

Yugi ran after the little thief, only to slam to a halt as Bakura turned, the orange soda bottle in his tiny hands, shaking it vigorously. “Ah, a little hellll…”

 

Grinning manically, Bakura opened the cap and sprayed Yugi, as Ryou, finding the rest of the cake started grabbing handfuls and throwing them at his other.

 

Duke, dove under the coffee table as a wave of icing sailed across the room to be met with a spray of orange. Yugi, caught in the center of the attack, dodged to the side and dove under the table with Duke.

 

“Are you sure that hikari's are supposed to be good and nice and all that?” Duke wiggled farther under the table.

 

Ryou ducked down to look under the table, he tilted his head and regarded them with soft, doe brown eyes. “You li' cake?”

 

“Ahhh. No. I don't like cake.” Yugi tried wiggling back as Ryou put the box of cake on the floor. Anzu, however, ducking behind the couch to avoid an oncoming barrage of nachos, was blocking his escape. “Anzu! Move! Hurry up and move! He's got cake!”

 

Ryou giggled and grabbed a huge handful of soft white cake. “Yugi, you try tis.” The cake was smooshed into his face. “Yo' li' cake!” He smiled at Duke, “You li' cake?”

 

“Yes! I love it. Absolutely love it!” Duke squirmed backward finding himself trapped by both Yugi and Anzu.

 

Ryou clapped his small cake smeared hands together. “ `uke li' cake!” He picked up the rest of the box and smashed it into Duke's face. “You ha' cake!”

 

“Aibou.” Yami called from the other side of the room as he headed down the stairs. “I need to go get Ruby before she does anything creative. I'm taking Honda. Can you handle this?”

 

“NO!” Yugi shouted as he finally escaped from the coffee table of doom. “You get your ass back in here Yami!”

 

The slamming of the shop door was his reply. Snarling about disloyal yamis and their hell parties he swung around to find Bakura standing on the couch next to him, grinning…evilly.

 

“I a `ami, you be nice.” He held another bottle of orange soda in his hands.

 

“Oh, shit.”

 

“Yugi, grab Bakura. I've got Ryou!” Duke yelled, hauling a small wiggling form out from under the coffee table.

 

Yugi lunged forward, trying to catch the little thief, only to be met with a blinding wash of orange. “Come here you little…”

 

Bakura bounced out of range and dodged around the table, sending the pile of pizza boxes crashing to the ground. “No.”

 

Bakura hissed and tried diving between the chairs, but was quickly caught and hoisted off the floor, as Yugi made a lunge for his tiny form.

 

“Ha, gotcha.” Yugi gloated for three seconds before Bakura kicked back hard, catching him in the privates. “Ooof.”

 

Bakura ran free again, only to be caught up by Anzu. “Okay, got him.”

 

Yugi thumped down on the floor, holding his hands protectively over his male bits and hoping they weren't in pieces. Duke, still holding a squirming, giggling Ryou, collapsed down on the couch, grimacing as he squished into a pile of icing topped with jalapeños.

 

Anzu, holding the little crook against her hip like a sack of potatoes, looked around the room shaking her head. “Your grandpa is going to kill us.”

 

Yugi moaned and rolled over, surveying the damage. A slice of pizza was still sticking to the window. Orange soda was puddled on the carpet. Nachos and cake were smeared across the coffee table, couch and entertainment unit. The entire room looked like it had been sprayed with white, orange and brown goo. “Can I come live at your place Anzu?”

 

“No.”

 

“What are we going to do now?” Duke pulled Ryou onto his lap.

 

The little hikari sniffled then started to cry. “I wan' a “bat”

 

“Huh?” Yugi wobbled to his feet.

 

“He's right. It's clean up time.” Anzu shoved Bakura into Yugi's arms. “You take care of them. Duke and I will handle the clean up down here.”

 

“Why do I get…” Yugi held the wickedly grinning yami away from him and his already abused anatomy.

 

Anzu pointed up to the ceiling. “Can you reach that?”

 

A soggy piece of orange colored pizza stuck oozily above him. He stepped back in time to avoid it, as it finally stopped clinging and smacked to the floor at his feet. “Okay, okay.” He reached out and took Ryou, who was trying to kick Bakura, from Duke. “You do this. I'll get them cleaned up.”

 

He lugged the two white haired, still squabbling tots up the stairs, shut himself in the bathroom with them and locked the door. He watched them suspiciously as he stood catching his breath.

 

Ryou sniffled, pointing at Bakura. “You a meanie.”

 

“You a meanie.” Bakura sniffled back.

 

Yugi turned the shower on, then reached down and pulled an orange soda soaked shirt off Ryou, “Enough, you two. Into the shower you go.” He quickly got the rest of the clothes off the two and carefully bundled them into the shower.

 

“Wanna take bat'” Bakura scowled. “Don' li' sho'rs.”

 

“ `ami like ba'ts.” Ryou grabbed a bottle of shampoo and was busily smearing pink gel on himself.

 

“He's lucky I don't take him outside and just hose him down.” Yugi muttered rubbing soap onto a scrub brush. He grabbed the little yami and started scrubbing, all the while muttering about yamis and their freaky parties.

 

“ “ugi? Why you makin' ami cry?” Ryou, now covered in pink gel from head to foot, eyed Yugi warily as he held a now sobbing Bakura.

 

Yugi blinked, “I'm sorry Bakura. Did I hurt you? Are you okay?”

 

“ “ugi a meanie.” The little tomb robber wrapped his arms around his light and sobbed. “I don' like `ugi.”

 

Ryou scowled at Yugi. “You hur' my `ami!” He threw the shampoo bottle, whacking Yugi up side the head with it. “You a meanie.”

 

“I'm sorry Bakura. Really, I'm sorry.” Yugi blinking a sudden flock of stars out of his eyes, crouched at the side of the tub, patting the little yami's head.

 

“ “ugi won' let me take bat'.” Bakura sobbed, clutching his light and sticking his tongue out at Yugi.

 

“Fine, you can take a bath, but you need to shower off first!” Yugi snagged the little yami and scrubbed more cake out of his hair.

 

Ryou, happy now that his yami was happy, gleefully poured more pink shampoo onto himself. “I a sta'be'y.”

 

Yugi leaned over and caught the shower head, pulling it down to rinse off Bakura and the strawberry. All the shampoo immediately turned into foam, covering the little light. “Look, you're a strawberry with whipped cream.”

 

Ryou giggled and yanked Yugi down into the tub. “ `ugi can be a sta'be'y too.”

 

Yugi thrashed trying to pull himself out of the tub. “No thanks. I'm not in the mood to be a strawberry.”

 

 

“I a fou'n.” Bakura giggled.

 

Not understanding that sentence, Yugi turned to look, only to be sprayed in the face by the little, insanely grinning, tomb robber. “Aaack!” Yugi grabbed the showerhead and sprayed himself off. “Bad, bad yami. No being a fountain! That's not nice!”

 

“Bu' `ugi, `ami is a `ami, he no' nice.” Ryou blinked wide chocolate eyes at him.

 

Bakura laughed and finished peeing. “I a fou'n. I a fou'n.”

 

Snarling, Yugi shook his finger. “That's it no bath!”

 

Both Ryou and Bakura instantly started crying, “ `ugi a meanie!”

 

Yugi sprayed them both down washing the last of the food fight off their tiny bodies. “That's right `ugi a meanie. Yami and I decided to change rolls and I GET TO BE THE YAMI TODAY! HAHAHAHA!”

 

The two white haired tots cowered, whimpering, and looking at Yugi with identical large, teary eyes.

 

Twenty minutes later, Yugi dragged his charges down the stairs. They were now dressed in tee-shirts that covered them like tiny dresses, cinched in at the waist by a couple of his grandpa's neckties. “Is Yami back yet?”

 

Anzu, still scrubbing cake off the TV, shook her head. “I just hope that they get back here soon.” Her eyes narrowed. “I have a few things to say to little miss yami girl.”

 

Duke walked by, his hair was still plastered with cake and soda. “I just want to go home.”

 

“R'oo still hun'ry.” The tiny chibi blinked sad eyes at the three.

 

“NO! NO FOOD!” Duke shrieked, backing away.

 

Mokuba poked his head out the door, looking morosely around. “Man, you guys made a mess.”

 

“Mokuba, could you be a sweetie and give us a hand?” Anzu smiled at the boy.

 

“Nah, no use putting effort into anything. Not worth it. It'll just get dirty again.” He pulled his head back in and the door swished shut behind him.

 

Duke glared at the door. “I'd kill the kid, if I didn't think he'd enjoy it.”

 

Anzu finished the TV and moved on to the stereo. “It's just a phase. Give him a decade or two and he'll be just fine.”

 

Duke slumped over to the couch and started wiping it down. “I'll give him till next week. Then, if Kaiba hasn't killed him first, I'll do it.”

 

There was a loud bang from downstairs, causing everyone to jump and the two little ones to scream.

 

“Monsters! Monsters are attacking! Aaaahhh!” They ran around slipping on the cake that still covered the floor.

 

Yugi moaned as he watched them get covered in cake, soda and nachos again. “It's someone else's turn to watch Bakura play fountain.”

 

Honda scampered up the steps and looked around wildly. Half his hair was burned off, his clothes were shredded and he was covered in green glitter. “Hide me!”

 

There was another bang from downstairs.

 

“MONSTERS!”

 

“Hide me!” Honda dashed up towards the bedrooms, leaving a trail of glitter behind him.

 

Yami casually walked in the door with a cuddling, cooing Sapphire. He looked around at the two little ones who were now peeking out from behind the couch, the cake covered room and his food smeared friends. “I see you got everything under control.”

 

Yugi snarled eyeing Sapphire. His cake encrusted hands curling into claws as he watched her wiggle herself closer to HIS YAMI.

 

“Yugi, will you hold this for a moment, please?” Anzu pressed something small and circular into his hand, then launched herself at Sapphire.

 

“YOU AND YOUR BLOODY YAMI ARE HISTORY!” Anzu yanked the girl off Yami by her long, blond hair. “It's bad enough that we had to watch you act like a slut, but trashing the party and leaving!” She smashed Sapphire face first into a pile of cake. “You're cleaning this whole room with your tongue!”

 

Yami blinked. “Anzu? Perhaps you should…”

 

“Shut the fuck up pharaoh! This is a girl thing.” Anzu growled as she shoved Sapphire into a puddle of orange soda.

 

Sapphire lashed out with one foot and knocked Anzu down. She instantly dove forward tackling the brunet into a stack of nachos. “What's wrong bitch? Jealous? Can't get a man of your own?”

 

Anzu grabbed Sapphire's arm and threw her over her head. “What's wrong bitch? Can't get a man any other way?”

 

Bakura and Ryou scampered out from behind the couch, watching the two girls punch, kick and scratch each other.

 

“Yay! An'u!” Ryou cheered, jumping and waving happily.

 

“Go `afir! Go!” Bakura cheered.

 

“My money's on Anzu.” Duke leaned back against the wall as the two cake covered girls rolled on the floor snarling and growling.

 

Yami shrugged, “Where's Honda? I haven't seen him since Ruby shoved him into a clown down at the park.”

 

Yugi looked at the Millennium Mirror that sat calmly in the palm of his and then look over at Anzu as she kicked Sapphire in the stomach. He suddenly jerked awake with a smile. “Go Anzu! Go! Make Mai proud!” He grinned over at his yami. “She is my oldest friend and friends should stick together.”

 

“Sure, aibou.” He shoved the little tomb robber, who had been trying to sneak up and slim him with a handful of cake frosting, away.

 

“Clown?” Duke took a few steps aside as Anzu tossed Sapphire across the room to roll at their feet.

 

“Yeah, there was a party of something in the park and Ruby shoved Honda into the middle of the magic show.” He winced as Anzu face planted Sapphire into a slice of pizza. “I think she was trying to be nice and put out the fire.”

 

“What fire?” Yugi hopped aside as Sapphire grabbed a handful of nachos and threw them into Anzu's face. “Get her Anzu!”

 

“She set his hair on fire with a lighter. Said he looked like a birthday candle.” Yami yawned, then reached down and yanked Sapphire off Anzu. “Stop playing around and wash up. We've still got half the night and the party hasn't even begun.”

 

Anzu blinked, then shrugged. “She gets to help with clean up in the morning.”

 

Sapphire smiled happily, “Sure, wanna take a shower together?”

 

Yugi watched them bounce up the stairs giggling and hugging each other like old friends. “The party hasn't begun yet?”

 

“Yugi, it's only seven o'clock. We've got time for all sorts of fun.” Yami gave him a quick hug. “There's still Truth or Dare! We haven't played charades or strip poker, or musical beds. The stripper hasn't even come!” Yami hummed happily to himself as he walked into the kitchen. “I'll order some more food.” He turned around and smiled at Yugi. “Do you want more cake?”

 

Honda suddenly ran down the stairs screaming. “Oh God, I did not see that! I did not see that!” He bolted down the stairs and in a second the shop door slammed shut behind him.

 

Yugi looked over at Duke. Duke nodded. They took one step back then raced down the stairs after Honda. “WAIT UP, we're coming too!”

 

The next afternoon, after spending the night at Duke's sleeping in a old army surplus sleeping bag in his storeroom at his game shop, Yugi cautiously poked his head into the door. “Yami?”

 

The room was spotlessly clean. The carpet was a bit damp from being steam cleaned. He silently slipped inside the room, carefully checking around to see if any stray party guests were still lurking around. He looked warily into the kitchen, but it to was sparkling clean and empty.

 

“Oh, Yami? Are you here?” He called very softly, tip toeing across the living room and up the stairs. He really didn't want to look in their room, the sight of Yami cuddling in bed with Sapphire was just too much for so early in the day… or his life for that matter. He snuck down the hall and into the laundry room to snag some clean clothes for himself. He fully intended to spend the rest of the day hiding from his yami and the joyous wedding, Then tomorrow, if his grandpa came back, he was going to see about moving in with Duke. Duke had offered him a spare room and a job working at his store. He wasn't sure about the job, but with Yami planning on his new family life with Sapphire, he was positive he was going to need that room.

 

He scowled at the lack of clothes in the dryer and glanced over to his room. I just won't look at the bed. I'll sneak in, grab some clothes and sneak right back out without looking at the two of them. He crept down the hall and listened at the door. It didn't sound like they were…busy. He slowly opened the door, casting a careful glance around the room. No one was there. Must have gone over to her place for the night. He stepped in and grabbed his backpack from it's place by the desk. A note was sitting on the desk.

 

YUGI

 

Curious, he picked it up and opened it.

 

Dear Aibou,

It isn't nice to play tricks on your yami. Hope you enjoyed the lesson. Happy Day-After April Fools Day.

Yami

 

Yugi stood there reading and rereading the letter. His eye twitched. “It was a prank?!” He crushed the letter, both his eyes twitching. “A prank?! Oh, you are so dead…”

 

“As they say, been there, done that.” Yami was leaning against the door grinning like a hungry crocodile. “Now, come here little light.” He prowled forward. “We still have a few things to discuss.”

 

~*~*~*

Three hikaris huddled together at a booth in Ice Cream Galore. They looked at the walls. They looked at the floor. They studied the menu intently, then ordered glasses of water.

 

Ryou finally cleared his throat hesitantly. The other two jumped and sat staring at him with wide shocked eyes. “Okay. Uhm. Let's begin….” He trailed off uncertainly, then straitened his shoulders and took a deep breath. “Today's topic was supposed to be `Where Did It Go? Finding Lost Items in The Shadow Realm' but I thought we could instead have `Kiss and Make Up, How To Keep From Taking Unpleasant Trips to Dark Places.”

 

The other two hikaris nodded their heads enthusiastically. Then checked out the vicinity for lurking yamis. Seeing none they turned and smiled at Ryou.

 

“Good choice.” Yugi whispered.

 

“Very good choice.” Malik whispered too.

 

All three checked carefully around then bent closer together.

 

Yami, Bakura and Marik watched from a bench out on the street.

 

“You know.” Marik sprawled, lazily trying to trip passersby. “We should form a group.”

 

“We'd kill each other.” Bakura idly flipped through a wallet that a nice man had donated to him on his walk here.

 

Yami idly flipped a stone at a passing vehicle, watching as the Shadow curse he had cast on it transferred to the car, causing it to swerve erratically in traffic. “Why would we want to form a group?”

 

Marik yawned, “The hikaris have a group.”

 

“We'd have to have a no kill rule, or it would be over after the first meeting.” Bakura tossed the picked over wallet into a nearby trashcan.

 

“What would we talk about?” Yami picked up another pebble.

 

“Stuff.” Marik got to his feet. “Like the best way to know when your hikari is plotting against you.”

 

Bakura scanned the people passing by, trying to find the next donor. “Maybe we could talk about how to keep hikaris from dressing you in sweaters.”

 

“How about how to deal with their incessant cheerfulness.” Yami stood up and tossed his pebble, causing a taxi to swerve wildly in the way of a police car. The resulting crunch of metal caused a smile to flicker lightly around his lips.

 

“This might work.”

 

“Has possibilities.”

 

“Meet you next week at the park.”

 

“Sure.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

~*~*~*

It's done! I'm really sorry this took so long. I sort of forgot it. I got so busy writing Psyche that I completely forgot this one. But it's all done now! Thanks for being so patient!

 

dragonlady222: Yeah, he kinda does diserve it. Bad, bad Yugi, playing games like that on his yami. Mind you Yami isn't exactly innocent either….

 

Teh_Kirby: Well, I certainly took my time getting this chappie out. I made a list of the clichés I used. I'm considering putting it up as an epilog, but I have a feeling that I'd get stoned for it. What's really sick is that I've used most, if not all, of the clichés I've listed in other stories, so I'm as guilty if not more guilty than anyone.

 

DemonandGoddess: Okay, okay I updated and relieved you of the evil cliffie. I'm really doing that enough over on Psyche. You got a lot of the clichés, I'll see about posting the master list of clichés and the bloopers from this story in another chapter, but that might take awhile, I'm really keeping busy trying to stay on track with my other story.

 

Daebird: No Yami wasn't the one taking advantage. The little thief was the one to take advantage, after all how many times could he pee on the pharaoh's hikari and get away with it if he was big? Probably once, just before he got sent to some nasty place in the Shadow Realm with a few vital male parts staying in this realm….