Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Love and Lost ❯ Love and Lost-Chapter 4 ( Chapter 4 )

Here is chapter 4 to "Love and Lost" I updated so fast because it took me so long to update chapter 3 and it was very similar to chapter 2 so I felt kind of bad :P anyway I hope you like chapter 4! ENJOY!!!

PS- someone asked (I forgot who) if Bakura will be appearing at all in the fic and yes he will make the occasional appearance, but not for very long, sorry to Bakura fans! ~hides behind pillow fortress~

Seto's P.O.V.

"Tell me how much you want me…" I breathed huskily into Ryou's ear as I pounded into him harder and harder with each thrust feeling his body clench and unclench around my ache, as my nail's dug into Ryou's hips making him whimper. The warm water beating down upon us both as I continued my movements not letting up in the slightest upon the boy beneath me.

He refused to answer me though; he was not really enjoying himself despite my efforts to please him. If he didn't want to feel good, so be it! Nevertheless, I would still have my fun with him tonight regardless! His hands gripped the side of the tub hard as his eyes were shut tightly as his breathing came in short quick gasps. I soon climaxed inside him as I held my position for a short time listing to him breath a sigh relief. I wish I knew why I was so angry with him, why I treat him the way I do, and why I continue to punish him when it is not deserved. He had every right to be relived that I was finished as I said he was not enjoying himself…however, I grabbed a fistful of his hair pulling him flush against my body and kissing him strongly and passionately and pulling away shoving him to the floor of the bathroom.

"There is no reason to be relived Ryou, we aren't finished yet." I snarled as I went into the bedroom drying off my body and hair.

I could hear him crying faintly, and then came the guilt I always feel when I hurt him. I hate the feeling it makes me feel weak and insignificant. More than anything else though I hate that he was crying because of me when all I want is to hold and love him like one would in a normal relationship…but I can't I'm not meant to be loved by another, I'm intolerable to live with and be with, I'm surprised that Ryou has put up with me for so long in the first place.

I know he won't come out until he has stopped crying, I hate to see him cry and he knows this. He will always hold back his tears until I am asleep or no longer in the same room. He tries so hard to make me happy and I wish I could do the same for him but in all honesty I don't know how to love another person and I know that a relationship, a true relationship with Ryou, would kill him so we make do with what we have now. A sexual relationship is the closest I can get to him. I love him I truly do but I have to be cruel to him so that he knows not to get to emotionally involved with me…I won't let the love of my life ruin his love life by being attached to someone as cold and heartless as me. I wish I didn't have to hurt him, but there is nothing else I can do to keep him from hurting himself by wanting to be with me.

Ryou P.O.V.

I managed to get my crying under control finally, I had to stop crying before I followed him inside his bedroom. When I was finished semi-drying my hair I walked out into the bedroom seeing Seto lying upon the bed looking up at the ceiling a look of guilt across his face…that I see often. I've asked myself a hundred times why he hurts me if he feel's guilty about it later, but at least it shows he does care for me some-what instead of not at all. For the longest time I have loved him and I wish he felt the same way. He has told me he loved me before, usually during our lovemaking he will tell me he loves me filling me with such joy I cannot express. However, I never know if he means it…I should call things off between us but I can't bring myself to do it…besides no one will ever want me, I'm not even worth the flesh I'm printed upon. At least Seto tolerates my presences and give me some purpose in his life, I realize my only purpose is to relive him of sexual tension and frustration but beggars cannot be choosers. I have no clue why I started to cry in the first place while I was in the bathroom…he didn't hurt me, not really, I know he wants to but he can never bring himself to do that much harm to me. His behavior is always so odd, we will go for week's without seeing one another, then one night he will invite me over and eventually I will end up in his bed and we make love…no not love, we have sex. I wouldn't call it casual sex it's honestly not; there is nothing casual about our intimacy. It's not irregular or occasionally, it happens quite frequently and it's very formal and with great interest on both part's…if it was casual I wouldn't give a damn about Seto and vise-versa granted I do sometimes wonder if he actually cares, if he does consider it casual but I certainly do not.

I was brought out of my thoughts when I felt his lips upon my neck, and his hand's slowly undoing the belt on my robe. He usually hates to undress me himself he usually insists that I undress myself, he likes to watch is the main reason…and I do not mind to perform if that is what he wants…I am at his beck and call.

Seto's P.O.V.

He was thinking when I began to kiss and undress him, not that he was wearing much anyways probably why I didn't mind doing it for him. Nevertheless, it quickly broke him away from his thought's he didn't even notice that I had already removed my own robe as I pushed his past his shoulder's freeing his arms of that soft material separating our bodies from one another. He was always so soft, so plaint and gentle in my arms. I wanted to love him, to take care of him, to make him mine for all eternity…but I simply couldn't. I hated myself so much, for what I have done to him, he loves me so much and as much as I wish for him to find someone else and move on with his life…I get extremely jealous when he is with others. Damn Yugi, Anzu, even his own Yami I get extremely jealous when he is with them, and not me, he's too good for them and deserves so much better. I stopped and just looked into his eyes for a moment.

"I'm sorry." I said softly as I hugged him

"…I know…" Ryou said softly hugging me back gently. He always forgave me for some reason, I wish he would get mad but that's not him.

"I just wanted you to stay with me tonight, and I saw you with…him." I growled obviously angry as I tightened my hold. "Why do you put up with my bullshit anyway?" I asked looking at him intently.

He smiled at me gently "Because I love you…" He said trailing off slightly.

"Why?" I asked

"I don't know honestly, I can't explain my feelings for you…they are just there." Ryou said lowering his head.

"I wish I could love you…I want to so badly." I said hugging him strongly again.

He sighed and hugged me back and we fell asleep together.

Well there it is I hope you like it! Business Hours is still being updated on MM.org! Don't forget about it! (under username: Bishojo_shadow) question's or comments?

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