Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Pretty Little Liar ❯ Chapter 7
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Celestial Reign 
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Horror / Psychological | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.09.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 9.5K | Visits: 366 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Horror / Psychological | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 07.09.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 9.5K | Visits: 366 | Status: Completed
Chapter Seven
I know your secret, Hikari.
Words, spoken so softly, angelically, but they ring false and are nothing but whispers from a devil.
You can't rid yourself of the darkness that easily, Hikari.
Ringing like poison for the air, choking me, suffocating me. I can't breath, I can't breath. They shine with truth, oh how they are so true, and I hate them, hate the one the words spew from.
I know your secret. Did you honestly think you could hide something like that from me?
I knew it. I knew it all along. I'm such a fool for thinking I could escape myself. You can't lie to yourself, no matter how hard you try. Others can be fooled by your words, the lies you can whisper in their ear, and they believe it, believe every little thing you could possibly tell them, because people are trusting, trusting to ones like me, to devils like me. I could never lie to myself. He knew all along, from the very beginning, from the moment my father carved those horrible scars into my back and he was born, he knew everything about me, because...we are the same.
Same, in every aspect of the word, we were one. Complete, whole, two sides of the same coin. If one were to die, the other would surely follow. That's the conclusion I had come to, anyway. Maybe that's why he was letting me live, because he didn't want to die.
Everything he did, did to me, did to himself, it was all for him. He was selfish, the epitome of hatred, jealousy, and every bad thing I can think of. He wanted all for himself, he wanted me, wanted what I had to give, and he took it all soaked with greed, swimming and drowning in it.
I...I love you, Hikari.
Love. It was a lie. There was no such thing. The things he did to me were not love, they were hate. He hated me, had always hated me, and he showed just how much he really hated me by touching me and shoving himself into me.
I won't kill you, Hikari, if you're afraid of that. I know what I said in the past, but things were different. I can't kill you, to be more specific, and you can't get rid of me either.
If that were true, if he couldn't kill me, whisk me away where only he remained, then...I could not kill him either. He truly lived within me, he was me, so...killing him was not possible. It wasn't possible to get rid of him, to hope he would let me be and go away. He would never go away. He would forever have me wrapped around his finger, bending over backwards to his will because he held all the cards now, he was in control, and I was not. I was the backwards one, the evil one, and he was the pure one and he would keep me trapped forever.
Three days. Two days of torture had passed and the third day was here. I don't know how I managed to since I had been drugged the day before, but I was able to fall asleep again, escape him for just a little bit, before I found the sun peeking through my window, dancing around on my floor in all its golden glory. I was groggy when getting out of bed, too exhausted to feel like making up the sheets, and I headed straight to the bathroom, wanting another bath since Mariku had made me dirty again last night.
It was strange to see myself in the mirror again. I hated looking at myself, thinking I was such a lowdown insignificant piece of dirt (because I was a lowdown insignificant piece of dirt), so when I took my clothes off and stared at my naked body in the mirror, it was a little sickening.
Broad shoulders, flat chest, flat stomach, a little bit of muscle on my arms, tanned skin, abnormal white blonde hair and lavender eyes. I was...different, exotic, the exact opposite of Mariku who had everything I had, yet appeared older and stronger than me.
I was only 16, and yet I was already doing things that were beyond me, things I should never have done. I was the bad guy in this story, not Mariku. I was the one in the wrong, the one who had started all of this, the one who began everything, so...maybe...
Maybe I was the Yami. Maybe Mariku was the Hikari. He was born from me, from my negative emotions, from my pain, the things I had from the very beginning, and Mariku was just an extension to that, a physical being born from my emotions, or was he? Every time I looked at it, I was always the bad guy, I had blamed everything on Mariku because I didn't want to seem like the villain, I took everything out on him when it was really me all along. I was just as much a monster as he was. I was the original, Mariku the copy.
Yet he was the pure one, the untouched one, because he came from me, the tainted one. What if he was the original, and I the copy?
Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at my reflection, my tired, tired eyes that hadn't slept much, the shadows that rested under them, making me look ghostly, and the long bronzed arms that wrapped around me from behind, pulling me into the warm naked body they belonged to.
"Good morning, Hikari." His head came from around and rested on my shoulder, his hands exploring my upper regions, grazing over my chest and making my nipples hard, a mixture of cold air and his warm fingers. "Are you that eager to be naked?" That warm wet tongue creeping out, sopping as he pressed it to my neck, moving my hair out of the way. "You taste so good, Hikari."
I shivered, feeling sick, and wanted to puke. This was horrible, sick, twisted, but I had created it, I was letting this happen to myself, I wasn't doing anything about it. Why? Because I couldn't. You can't lie to yourself, you can't escape yourself, your own mind, your feelings.
"Can I bathe you?"
I was shocked at him for asking since he never asked, just took, but the shock lasted only a moment as I found him dragging me to the tub, not giving me a chance to answer and he plugged the tub up before filling it with hot water. Steam flew out, making me feel a little warmer, but not anymore comfortable at his hands that were still attached to my skin, touching, touching, stroking, always doing something. I had to bite the blood out of my lip to keep from crying.
I was so wretched, warped, and stained, stained black, and those touches, his kisses, his everything, it was black, dirty, adding to me, caking on, damaging me beyond repair. But...I was already broken before he came, already torn to shreds. What mattered if he were to just kill me a little more?
The tub was full and he let go of me, stepping inside and sinking low until the water rose up almost to his chest. He reached over, turning the knobs, and leaned back, giving me that same smile he always, always had. "Come here."
There was no resistance. There was no hesitation. There was nothing there as I did as I was told, stepping over and into the tub, sinking down and allowing him to pull me into his lap, wrapping his arms around my middle. Weak, I was always the weak one, the one who couldn't handle himself, who couldn't bear the thought of losing something. Childish, I was immature, and Mariku was the adult. He was always more knowing than me, even though he came from me, even though we grew up with each other, were both children when we first met. He was always right, always, always right while I was wrong. He was the perfect one, I the damned one.
A pink bar was picked up by my side and he lathered it against his hands, setting the soap down before returning to me and rubbing it all up and down my arms, my chest, my neck, my back, everywhere, he was touching and rubbing like he owned me.
"This smells good, Hikari." I wasn't even listening to him. I was a doll, a heartless and soulless doll who let him do its bidding, who let him manipulate it into doing whatever he wanted. It would happen that way anyway, so there was no fighting, there was no struggling, because Mariku always came out on top.
Resistance was useless. He would get what he wanted one way or another, so there was no point in thinking I could get away from him. He was always there, he had always been there, standing by my side, watching me, being with me, touching me, so why get try getting rid of him only for him to come back? He would get me one way or another. It would be less painful to just give up. Trying only resulted in suffering and crying and hurt.
His fingers found my hair and he smeared shampoo into it, going slow, massaging my scalp, being careful not to let his nails dig into my sensitive skin. "Your hair is beautiful." His lips were next to my ear, touching, letting his breath come out. I shivered. "It's so exotic, white. Light, like you are. You are the light, my light." I closed my eyes as he poured water on top of my head to get all the suds out. "I love you, my creator. I love, love, love what you are, who you are, I love everything about you. Your skin, your hair, your lips, the emotions you feel, everything you think about." He sucked in air, like he was getting high off of talking about me, like I was his personal drug for the air. "I want you so bad. I want to have you all to myself. Mine, all mine. Mine, mine, mine." His arm looped back around my waist and his head found my back, resting on it, smelling, taking in the scent the soap left on me. "No one else can have you. I'm so lucky. You belong to me, you're mine, and I'm going to keep you forever. You aren't getting away from me, I won't let you. You can't run, I'll just run after you, you can't hide, I'll just find you, and don't think you can fight me, because you won't win."
He was right. There...there was nothing left. No hope, no light at the end of the tunnel. He was at the end of the tunnel, forever blocking me from escape, forever cutting off my flow of light.
I sat cross-legged and naked on the floor of the bathroom, his legs on either side of me as he sat on the toilet and dried my hair with a blue towel. When the towel got too damp for him to dry me anymore, he reached up to the wall where one of those little hair dryer things rested and grabbed a brush, running the bristles through my hair with one hand while hovering the dryer over it with the other.
I sat like a child, and let him do it. I didn't feel ashamed, low or stupid. I didn't care that he was doing what he wanted, that he was treating me like an incompetent person who couldn't do anything for themselves. Because now that I had given up, now that I relinquished all the fight I had in me and bent over backwards for him...it didn't hurt anymore. Before, it was like I was being constantly stabbed in the stomach by somebody, the pain from everything had to settle somewhere, and screaming wouldn't get it out, so it coiled and receded deep inside of me, hurting, tearing, ripping. Everything was gone now. No more pain, no more suffering. Why did I not do this from the start? It would've saved me a lot of grief, a lot of stupid and worthless decisions.
My hair was dry and he continued to run the brush through it, playing with it, taking strands into his fingers and feeling of them, like he was entranced, and I could hear him mutter words like "Beautiful" and "All mine", but it didn't matter anymore.
He stood up, gently taking hold of my arm and bringing me up with him, turning me around to face him when he pulled me close, hugging me, crushing me, and running his long fingers through my newly dried hair. "This is the final day, Hikari. Only a little while longer and we'll be in Domino, and then you'll be all mine. I'm taking you away, Hikari, I'm taking you away from everything and it'll be just the two of us, and we'll have all we need. Don't worry, I'll take care of you. I need you, of course I'll give you everything you need."
I nodded, showing him that I understood, and he kissed my shoulders, moving up to my neck to kiss it, licking a trail up my chin and then running it over my lips where he pressed against them. I allowed him in, allowed him to explore my mouth and taste me, and he moaned inside me, grabbing the sides of my face to keep me attached. I don't know why he bothered. I wasn't going anywhere.
I would always be right under his thumb, right where he wanted me.
***
Everywhere I went today, Mariku was there. He wasn't letting me out of his sight for anything and I only had to venture a guess that he was afraid I would snap at the last minute and tell those people I was-- But, he was wrong. My last attempt failed, partially because I feared his wrath, and I caught myself. I couldn't...I couldn't. No. What was I thinking? I couldn't go through with it. I-I was a coward. I am a coward.
I noticed that the only times when Mariku wasn't breathing down my neck (in both a literal and figurative way) was when I complained of having to go to the bathroom. He would nod, release me from his crushing hug, and allow me to at least pee in peace. It was the rare time I could relax.
However, despite being up under me all day and not letting me leave the room, he...he wasn't trying anything. Yeah, he kissed me and hugged me and led that gross tongue all over my body, but so far...he hadn't tried to undress me and take me anymore. I didn't understand him, I didn't understand what he was thinking, what he did, or why he did any of it.
Crazy, he was just crazy, like I was. Crazy and scary and dangerous.
I was surprised when I came out of the bathroom and found that he wasn't waiting for me on the bed. I looked around the room, unnerved when I didn't find him anywhere. He was testing me, annoying me and getting me ruffled just because he could. I could always sit on the bed and wait for him, but my body betrayed my thoughts and I found myself walking out of the room, hands dug into my pockets like everything was just as normal and boring as it was for the rest of the world, and I made my way down to the elevator, heading to the first floor.
If he got mad at me for leaving, then whatever. I just didn't care anymore. I didn't care what he did, what he said, what he was going to do, none of it mattered anymore. Besides, if he got mad, then he'd get over it. I just left my room, it's not like I was running around the blimp naked and screaming out my secret to everyone (though the strange thought did bring a faint smile to my mouth, just a faint one).
I didn't care if I ran into those people anymore, so when the elevator reached the first floor and I stepped out, looked up and saw Yuugi trudging down the hall only to stop when he saw me, I sighed and walked toward him.
As always, he was messing with his fingers, picking at his nails and giving me an unsure look with his big magenta eyes. "Malik...kun?" He was always so unconfident about saying my name, like saying 'kun' would offend me.
I smiled at him, remembering back to yesterday. I had run out without giving him any explanation, but Yuugi surprised me. Had that been anyone else who saw me, they would've probably beaten down my door, screaming and yelling for me to tell them what was wrong. Not because they cared, because people were nosy and loved dirty little secrets and gossip. Yuugi...he was like me: Different. Yet, he was pure, so innocent, and even standing next to him, I felt like if he touched me, I would get him dirty. "Hello, Yuugi." I created the best fake good mood I could muster, but I had a feeling he didn't buy it. I was never very renowned for masking my feelings. "I'm sorry about running out yesterday."
He shook his head, causing his blonde fringes to bang against the side of his head. "No, no, I understand. I didn't...I'm sorry if I made you sick and for being so forward like that." His cheeks gushed red and I just wanted to break down and hug him, cry into his little chest and beg for comfort.
I shook my head. "No, you're fine, Yuugi. Why don't you worry about yourself for once?"
He perked up a little. "Oh, the other me is worried about you, too."
I had to laugh. "That's not what I meant."
"No, no, he really is!" He was hopping a little, getting excited for some reason or another. "We talked about you last night. He kept telling me not to check on you, that you would come out when you wanted, so...I waited and here you are." He smiled. "I should listen to him more often."
Even Yuugi's Yami, his darker half, was pure. Yuugi was so lucky. "Thank you, Yuugi, but...I'm fine, really."
I made to walk away from him, to get away and be by myself for once, but his voice ringing out once I was halfway down the hall made me pause. "I know you're lying, Malik-kun, but...I'm not mad. If you want to tell me something, I'll be here. I won't force you to tell, but just know that I'll listen." I could tell he was smiling, even without looking back at him. "I'll listen to you, when you get ready to talk. Don't be scared of me."
Yuugi, you... No, no, no, dammit, I was crying. The tears were falling and I didn't feel them, only saw them clouding my eyes until they fell. "Yuugi, I..." I wiped my face, not hiding my hiccups or gasps, but Yuugi didn't make any moves to comfort me, nor did he condescend me for my weakness. "Thank you, Yuugi. I'll keep that in mind." Never looking back at him, I continued down the hall toward another elevator. This one was different. The other led to the different floors, but this one led all the way up to the roof where the duels had taken place. It was nice out, the sun was out for once, and I clambered into the elevator, staring at my shoes and crying my eyeballs out as the door slid shut. It would take awhile to make it there, so I leaned against the wall, sobbing, rubbing at my eyes, trying to stop crying.
I wanted to tell, I wanted to tell so bad, but would that be selfish? Wouldn't I just be spewing out my problems like a little girl, admitting defeat, and putting them on somebody else's shoulders? I didn't want pity, I didn't want them to look down on me, to feel sorry for me because of what I was, what I had to keep hidden my whole life. It was shameful, blasphemy, and mocking cruelty.
But, Yuugi...Yuugi...I...I wanted to trust him. I did trust him. I knew, I knew he wouldn't be angry at me, he was far too good for that. He was everything I envied, everything I wished I could be, so I knew. He would accept me.
But, could I do it? Could I grow a backbone, ignore Mariku's wrath, walk straight up to him and spit it out? What if he didn't believe me? I would just have to make him believe me.
The insipid scratching of the intercom over my head droned out a message that made my spine freeze. "Attention all duelists and passengers, we apologize for the detour we had to make around the storm, but it appears to have left the Domino area, so we shall now be heading directly for Domino. It is now after two in the afternoon, and we should arrive there by six this evening. Thank you all for your cooperation and patience and we once again apologize for the delay."
The intercom flicked off and I stared at the wall, swallowing hard. Four hours...I had four hours until everything really was over, until Mariku took me away. Where he would take me, I had no idea, nor did I want to know, but knowing him, it was easy to figure it would be somewhere horrible and unpleasant.
The elevator dinged when I reached the roof and the sun punished me with its harsh light as I stepped out, my shoes squeaking against the roof that was still damp with the remnant of rain. The sun was so warm, so comforting and full of life and I basked in it, spreading my arms out and stretching. Oh God, how that sun felt good against me, warming me, bringing a smile out of me.
It was just like the first time I had come out from underground with Isis. The sun was so different, so bright and bright, and bright! So much more better than the dull candlelight of the tombs. I was instantly empowered by it.
I slid down the wall, right in the direct path of that bright yellow ball that was trying its hardest to peek all the way through some dark clouds that still hung around the sky. I didn't care that I was sitting in a puddle. A wet butt didn't matter to me. Not that I cared about anything hardly anymore. My life...my life would end after six today. My so called 'life' would be ruled by Mariku. There would be no life with him. But, there would be no death either.
Trapped, suspended between life and death, a horrible mixture of both and yet, none at the same time.
I curled up into a ball, wrapping my arms around myself and bringing my knees up where my chin had something to rest on. I cried, smiling, laughing, and crying at the same time. There was nothing funny about my situation unless you call irony humorous, but I couldn't help it. I was hysterical, laughing when it hurt so much, coughing and sobbing and crying and letting those tears pool into my mouth as I laughed and laughed.
Life. Ha. I never had any life. My life was meaningless. The ritual, the initiation of the Tomb Guardians was just a lie, it didn't mean anything to me. Getting revenge on the Pharaoh for making my family have to live underground all of our lives, that had become my life. Mariku, Mariku had been my life.
What a waste, what a stupid, stupid waste of a life. I lifted my red face, coated with tears, and looked up at the sun, at the beautiful and bright ball of light. What was the point of my birth? Nothing. Why put me on this earth, put me in this life, when it was meaningless? I stood up, wiping at my face, trying to breath normally once again. It was hurting again, my stomach, the pain returning, the memories of what had happened to me the past few days, it was all rushing back and I walked over to the railing, grabbing onto the wet metal bars and squeezing, looking down over the blimp.
Would it matter if I just jumped? It would be easy, it would be selfish, but it would be escape, escape from a worthless life, from a torturous one, it would be so easy. I gripped the bar, leaning over. Such a high fall onto the land below, onto the top of those buildings. I would be killed instantly and I laughed at the thought.
Easy, so easy. I took a step, leaning over further. Just a little more, a few more inches and I would be tumbling off the blimp and to my death. I smiled as the wind blew and tousled my hair, blowing it into my face where it stuck to my tear-coated cheeks. Easy. Death was easy. Death was within my reach, escape was right below me, just a little more.
No more secrets, no more fear, no more anything. Freedom. Yes, freedom tasted sweet, freedom was sweet, and that's all I wanted. I wanted to be free from...everything. Every little burden, every lie, every stupid emotion, Mariku.
I leaned further, feeling my feet leave the ground and I fell forward. This was it. I was going to fall, I was falling, going down, down, at the city, I-I was GOING TO DIE, I WAS GOING TO GET AWAY, Y-YES, YES, GET AWAY! I WAS G-GOING TO BE FREE!
I screamed when I felt a large hand enclose itself around my arm, yanking me back onto the deck and into a thin body. The same hand left my arm and grabbed my chin, forcing my head back to look upside down at the face of my so-called rescuer. "Hikari, what the hell are you doing?"
Never...never getting away. Hope...there was no hope. There was nothing, there was no light, there was no good in this world, there was nothing. There was only darkness and darkness was nothing, darkness was black and I was black and Mariku was black and--
I sobbed, covering my face with my hands and he released my chin, backing away from me and looking confused as I sank to the ground, face still covered by my hands, and wailed everything out.
Mariku was always there, and he would make sure I could not escape. Why was it taking me so long to accept the fact that I wasn't getting away? He had me right where he wanted me, there was no running or hiding or fighting, there was no resistance...there was only Mariku. And Mariku was hell and hell was repetition. He was my hell on earth, my eternal suffering, so no, there was no getting away from him.
I jumped when I felt his fingers caress my hair, trailing down to my ears, my neck, and then he rubbed the back of his knuckles against my arm. How could he be so gentle sometimes, so affectionate and seemingly caring, but then whirl around and be the cruelest thing in the world?
Because Mariku was pain. Mariku was suffering. Mariku was evil, and I was his unfortunate prisoner, his toy, pet.
He lifted my hands away from my face and gave me an almost shameful look when he stared at my tears. "Why?" My voice was croaky, like I hadn't had anything to drink for days. "Why do you do all this? What is the point of it all? I don't understand you, I don't know why this is happening, I don't know what you think, why you do what you do, so...why?" The tears still fell, and he wiped them away with his thumbs, giving me a small smile.
"Because we are the same. You are me, and I am you, Hikari. We cannot exist without each other, and it took me such a long time to realize that. We can't escape each other, there is no running away from both of us. We'll always be together, we'll always be like this, so the only left for you to do is just accept it. We belong to each other, we need each other, we would die without each other, that's just the way it is." His arms were wrapped around me, pulling me close again. Like always, my own arms remained by my sides, refusing to touch him. "Just accept it, Hikari. When we land, when we get off of this thing, you'll understand, then because I'm taking you away then. We'll be able to live together and be with each other." He backed away from me and kissed me. "I love you, Hikari. I love you so much, so just love me, too. Accept me, and love what I am, what I do, what I represent." His tongue, lapping away at my mouth, exploring the inner regions, and dancing with mine.
Acceptance. Accepting Mariku, just...giving him my love. Would it be less painful that way if I were to just...accept everything that was happening to me? It wasn't normal, none of this was normal. I shouldn't have to go through it, but I probably deserved it, for everything I did. If it was punishment, it was more than enough, but...if it was acceptance, if it was something I would just have to live with, then...that's all there was. I would have to accept him, let him do what he did to me, love him back, give back to him for everything he did, and just...live.
I hiccupped, allowing my tears to flow. It still hurt, everything was still as painful as the first day he raped me, and it only built up as time waned on. It would never leave, so...I kissed him back. I allowed my tongue to go into his mouth and I tasted him, I loved him like he loved me, and wrapped my arms around his body, pulling him to me.
He seemed pleased with me and backed away, holding my chin up so that I was looking him in the eye. "You're so beautiful, Malik. Remember when I said I wouldn't just take this whole time, that I would give back when the time was right?"
I nodded.
"Well, it's time. Don't worry about anything. Just love me."
Love him...
Love Mariku...
Accept him...
Love...
I still cried. Nothing was stopping those tears as he pressed his mouth to me again, and even though I kissed him back, nothing was different. If I loved him, things would be the same. I would still suffer, I would still be at his mercy and...he would hurt me whenever he wanted. Still, I remained calm and relaxed as he stroked the sides of my face, kissing me, kissing me for such a long time, and then pulling the tongue out, licking my lips, moving down to my neck, taking a hand and pulling my shirt over my head, always, always with his tongue, moving it, lapping it around my exposed nipples that hardened upon contact. He reached up to grab at my chest, moving his fingers around and around the nubs before taking them into his mouth again.
And I still let those tears fall. I couldn't help it. I was overwhelmed, feeling hopeless, degraded, dirty as I sat back, allowed him to move his fingers all around my body, tickling me, trying to calm me, and finally pushing me onto my back where he set to work with his mouth. That hot tongue of his, his warm breath, all of it was so immense, it was stimulating me, getting me off, and he knew this, wanted this. He was giving back what he took from me: Pleasure.
It was the third day of my hell, and it was almost over, and Mariku was raping me again. Was it really rape this time? Had all those other times really been rape? I had submitted each time, just sat back and let him do whatever he wanted. Rape was forceful, and Mariku had not used force. He threatened, and I quaked.
My secret...everything revolved around it. It's what held the noose around my neck, threatening to drop me to my death. It's what Mariku teased me with, used against me, that horrible, horrible truth about myself that I thought was locked away forever, gone. What a fool I am. Something like that could never go away. It had been with me since the day I was born, I was born with this secret, with this awful thing, this dark cloud that hung over my head and no amount of sugarcoating and covering would get rid of it.
Mariku's tongue danced around my stomach and he blew on it in a playful way, chuckling when I winced from it. I was uncomfortable, I still didn't want this, but...I let it happen. Even though there was no getting away, that didn't mean I had to love this, this horrible thing that was happening.
He fiddled with my pants, slowly pulling them down before tickling my thighs, lapping at them a little with his tongue, just to make my privates itch for touch. He ignored my begging arousal, and led that tongue up, down, all around, until he moved to my underwear, grabbing the sides with his teeth and yanking them down to expose my naked lower half. I cringed, feeling like vomiting when I secretly begged for his touch, to take the horrible, yet wonderful feeling away, for him to be the one to give me pleasure.
I wanted it, I wanted it so bad, I wanted his hands on me, I wanted him to grab and rub and tease and probe.
He was me, so he knew exactly what I wanted and he laughed softly as he made me suck on his finger before sticking it into my entrance. I hissed at the uncomfortable feeling of the thing rubbing around inside me, even though he had torn me to shreds before, I was such a virgin, wincing and whining at these small touches, but God, I wanted more and I sobbed, choking on my breaths as I fought to get them up and breath right, coupled with the stimulation he was causing me. Oh, it was euphoria, that feeling, that tightening, those contractions, God, I wanted more, more, Mariku, give me more.
I was torn between myself, between hating this and loving it at the same time. I didn't want him doing this, yet I loved that feeling, of his fingers rubbing around, stretching, preparing me, giving me pleasure when he would move them in and out.
He was building my climax perfectly this time and I could feel it start out small and grow bigger and bigger until I audibly moaned from the feeling. It was getting closer, his touches, his chuckles as I moved a little, trying to get friction with his fingers going in and out. I wanted it so bad, so, so bad, I wanted this to end. I wanted to climax. I wanted--
"H-haugh!" I made a sound somewhere between a choke and a moan as I felt myself cum, those muscles tightening and finally releasing and it was over. I was sweating all over, spent from everything, and my muscles down there were moaning from relief, resting for the time being. The haze left me more quickly than I would've liked, but it brought me back to reality and I swallowed hard as I realized those horrible and sluttish thoughts I had thought.
Mariku rubbed his hand around the liquid that poured out of me, taking himself out of his pants and coating as much of it as he could onto himself, lubricating to make taking me at least a little less painful than usual. He said nothing the whole time he stroked himself, already hard from listening to my moans, but just stimulating himself a little before taking me and he leaned above me, smiling, always with that same smile that I hated and he slowly slid in.
My back arched and I hissed at the pain. It still hurt, and he was all the way in, it still hurt. I looked down at him, watched as he furrowed his brow and closed his eyes to concentrate, and he pulled out, groaning, going back in just a little faster. My climax from before started to build once more, now that it was heightened from his touches earlier, and I moved with him, tried to bring myself down when he would rock in and he groaned at that, throwing his head back, little beads of sweat starting to form on his face. His thrusts became more erratic and he moved in and out faster and faster and I moved with him, rocking down as he went up, rocking up as he went down, creating a rhythm, and I knew he was getting close. I was getting closer and closer, my climax was rearing its head back up from earlier and I moaned aloud when he made a well-angled thrust up against me, stimulating me all the more.
This, this...all of this. I'm so dirty. I shouldn't be enjoying it, but he was giving back. The pain was gone, and I only felt the pleasure and moaned from it like a whore, wanted more of it like some dirty lowdown slut, but at that moment, I didn't care. I only wanted to climax, I only wanted him inside of me more, filling me up, and I cried, screamed, shed tears as I felt myself cum for the second time, felt that horrible stuff seep out of me, and he exploded into me, throwing his head back and crying out as well.
And then everything was over.
I sobbed, covering my face with my hands again, and he pulled out of me, sweating and breathing hard, crawling up next to me and wrapping his arm around my chest, pulling me next to him. Horrible, his touches were so horrible, yet, so beautiful too. I loved and hated him, wanted to both hug him and stab him in the back. His lips were over my face again, kissing the tears, kissing my eyes, nose, cheeks, every inch of skin he could find and it burned, it hurt, and I was so disgusting.
I looked up at the sky through his hair, at the sun that was climbing down from the sky further and further, only telling me how little time I had before we got off of this thing, before...I didn't want to think about it.
I sniffled as he made little kisses to my neck, sucking and licking, and I shifted, pushing him off of me. He leaned up, arching his eyebrows at me. "I...I really have to go to the bathroom." My voice was choked from crying so much, but he seemed to ignore that and leaned off of me, handing me my clothes that I shakily stepped into, almost tripping. I was so tired.
"Okay. Hurry up."
I didn't answer nor nod my head as I stepped back into the elevator, pulling my shirt over my head as the doors slid closed and I began my descent back down to the halls. I leaned against the wall, wiping away at my face, feeling like stabbing my eyes out if that would stop with the damned tears. They might as well dig a hole and stay there, I seemed to pour them out so much.
Once I could see properly again, my eyes trailed over to the wall where a small clock rested. Three. It was after three. I didn't even have three hours left anymore. Why was time so short? I felt my heart beat hard into my chest, throb in my ears, and I slammed my hands over them.
No, no, no, no, NO! I...I still had one shot left. I didn't have to be with Mariku, I didn't have to love him, I could still win. I released my head and watched the little metal pipes and such slide passed me as the elevator took me down. I...I could do it. I would do it. I was going to go do it. I couldn't take this anymore. No, I would never love Mariku, he was crazy to think I would just sit back and love him.
I wouldn't let him control me anymore. This was my body, this was me. I was Malik...he wasn't me. He was Mariku, and I would tell my secret to the one person I knew with everything I had would listen and accept me.
I was going right now to tell Yuugi everything. He needed to know. I had three hours left, I couldn't waste them with Mariku. His semen, his disgusting cum was dripping out of me and I walked awkwardly when I got out of the elevator. Damn you, Mariku, damn you to hell, I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU. And I was going to kill you. No matter what you said, no matter what you did to me, I wasn't going to let you take over me again. You were not in control, I was. I had always been, I just didn't realize it. Telling my secret would no longer give you a reason to control me. It was perfect. You'd held that away from me for so long, haven't you? You KNEW these people would accept me, you knew they were good people, but you pulled my strings into thinking I had no one, that you were my only one. I only curse myself for not figuring this out sooner.
I walked passed the bathroom. I had to hurry, and even though that stuff was coming out of me, soaking into my pants (I hadn't put my underwear back on), I could ignore it. It was easy to ignore. I ran, ran through that hall. I had to find Yuugi, fast! Where was he, where was he, h-he said he'd be there for me, so WHY COULDN'T I FIND HIM?! Yuugi, Yuugi, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, why didn't I listen to you? You were right. I need to tell, I need to get this out in the open, break the chains Mariku has around me.
Even if you reject me, I'll still love you for what you told me. You've always been kind to me, Yuugi, and...I wasn't afraid anymore. I could fight Mariku. I would win. I would win. I would win.
I rounded a corner, not seeing Yuugi standing right there and I crashed headlong into him, causing both of us to shriek as we fell over backwards.
"M-Malik-kun, what's the matter?" He had a red spot forming on his forehead from where I hit him, and I scrambled to my feet. I had to be quick, I had to be fast, Mariku would be coming, he would know I would tell and he would do anything to stop me from doing that.
"Yuugi!" I snatched his arm, dragging him across the hall and into an empty room.
"Malik-kun, what's going on?" He looked around worriedly, back and forth between me and the dark room we were in. I locked the door, my back facing him.
"Yuugi..." I was out of breath from running, nervous, so nervous about what I was going to tell him, and still scared, terrified of Mariku. No. I had to stop being scared for once. I had to be strong, be brave, do this and get it all out. "Yuugi, I have to tell you something."
I turned to him, the sun shining on him through the window, lighting up the room just a little. It was growing dimmer by the minute. "O-okay, Malik-kun. I'm listening." He leaned forward, eyes large and excited, awaiting what I had to say.
"Yuugi, I'm--please don't hate me for this. I mean, if you do, then...then that's okay." I smiled, walking toward him.
'Malik..' I could almost hear his voice in the back of my head, warning me. He knew. He was me. He knew. 'Malik, don't you dare.'
"Yuugi, I've kept something from...from everybody for a very long time and...and I can't hide it anymore." I was so close to him, I could touch him, and I smiled down at him as he stared up at me. "I've been lying to you all this time, Yuugi. To everyone."
He arched his eyebrows. "What do you mean, Malik-kun? What are you hiding?"
My hands were shaking, I was going to throw up. Please, please don't reject me, Yuugi. I love you too much. You were my first friend, so please, please don't hate me for this. "I'm..." I pulled my shirt over my head, exposing my chest and Yuugi almost fell over backwards, his magenta orbs glued to me.
'MALIK!'
I smiled, happy tears spilling from my eyes as Yuugi took me in, shaking a little, and he finally stared back up at me. "Malik...you're a...a girl?"
I nodded, not at all embarrassed that he was staring at my small breasts. They were so small, so all I really had to do was wrap a strap around them and I was as flat as a boy.
Yuugi looked confused. "I don't...Malik, this doesn't make sense. Why..?" He broke off.
He was coming, I could feel Mariku and he was mad at me, so very mad. He was going to kill me, but I just smiled at Yuugi, at kind Yuugi. "I'm sorry. I had to hide it. I...I was...I wasn't meant for any of this. I was supposed to be a boy, a boy to take the Tomb Guardian's initiation." I turned to show him my scars. He'd already seen them after the tournament was over, but I had somehow managed to hide my front from him. Nobody saw. "It was supposed to be a boy to take this, a boy was supposed to have these things carved into his back, so when my mother had two girls, Rishid not being blood related to us, and my mother died, my father refused to have it any other way. He hated Rishid, so giving him the scars was out of the question. I don't know why, he could've chosen Isis, but he chose me and brought me up as a boy, fooling all who saw, hiding what I really was from everyone, and so, I had to think like a boy, talk like a boy, forget about everything I really was and live like a male." I sucked in a breath, turning back to face him, pulling my shirt back over head. He was entranced, listening to everything I said with an astonished look on his face. "I'm sorry, Yuugi. You and your friends met me as a boy, thinking I was a male who carried these scars, carrying them like a boy should have. They...they are meaningless when given to a female." I looked away from him, swallowing. I was quite proud of myself for keeping strong this whole time. No stuttering or anything. "My father was afraid of angering the gods and made me swear never to tell anyone. As far as I was concerned, I was born male. He just...Dad just wanted a son, so when he couldn't get a real one, he made me into one."
I stopped talking and looked at Yuugi whose mouth was hanging open and I almost laughed. What he said next, I wasn't expecting. "So...you're a girl...does that mean that Mariku is..." He didn't finish, nodding his head at me, hoping I got the hint.
I actually laughed at that one. "No, no. He's...he's a boy." I bit my lip. "It sounds crazy, Yuugi, I know it does, but when I was down underground, living my life as a boy, when I thought of Mariku, I was a boy then, you know? So, he was born male. He was brought upon by all my suffering and pain I went through when I was lying to myself and saying I was male, so..."
He nodded and walked close to me. I couldn't place his expression, and I was scared he was going to reject me, get angry at me for lying to him. "Malik...you...it's okay. You don't have to lie about that. I mean...if people see your back then, that was your father's fault. You can't help the way you are." His face lit up with a smile. "And don't worry, I still like you, even if you are a girl."
"Hey, watch it."
He laughed and walked into me, wrapping his small arms around my waist, giving me a grin only a child could give. "I won't reject you and what happened to you. Who cares if that ritual was meant for a boy? I'm just sorry your father chose you to reap the penalty when you didn't deserve it. Even if you were a boy, you didn't deserve any of that."
Acceptance. Love. Light. I wrapped my arms around Yuugi, pulling him into me. "I..." I cried, just let the tears fall out. This...this was what love felt like. Oh God, it felt better than I imagined. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest and I hugged onto Yuugi, not wanting to let him go.
The depression, the anguish, the fear, it was all gone. I felt...free.
"It's okay," he cooed to me, not in a condescending way, though. "You don't have to worry anymore. The others think the same thing I do. We like you, Malik...chan. We really do, so you don't have to worry about anything anymore. We'll accept you no matter what you are."
"Thank you, Yuugi, thank you so much." My tears spilt into his hair, but he didn't seem to mind.
Angel, he was an angel on earth, sent for me to tell this stuff to. Beautiful, he was so beautiful. I cried.
'MALIK!'
And then the noose wrapped tightly around my neck. I released Yuugi, my eyes wide with fear and confusion as I was ripped away from him. Something...something was pulling me back, away from him. No, no, Mariku, no, dammit, I'm not doing this anymore!
He had torn through the door, slammed it open and was dragging me out by my arm. I screamed, kicking and punching at him, and he whirled me around to face him, shaking me so hard that my teeth rattled. "MALIK! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE! THERE'S NO GETTING AWAY!" Another shake, and I jerked away from him, only to have him grip me tighter and I was right in his face, him screaming bloody murder at me, laughing at the same time. "Did you think that by telling your secret that it would solve anything?!" He threw his head back and laughed, squeezing me as I struggled, biting his nails into me. "VERY FUNNY, MALIK, YOU'RE JUST FUCKING HILARIOUS! THERE'S NO GETTING AWAY, THERE'S NO GETTING AWAY!"
"Stop!" I reached down to bite his arm, but that didn't faze him in the slightest and he only continued to laugh that horrible, hysterical laugh. "Stop it, Mariku, DAMMIT, I'M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE, YOU FREAK!"
I think my heart stopped when Yuugi was there, his face twisted into anger and he reached up, trying to pry Mariku's hands from around me. "Mariku, let her go!"
Mariku stopped his laughing fit and looked down at Yuugi like he was a fly and released me with one hand, making a fist and punching poor Yuugi who shrieked and was floored by the hit. "Get off me, you little fuck, and don't tell me what I can and can't do with my Hikari!" His arm reattached itself to me and he turned to me, grinning in the most disturbing way possible. "Hikari." His voice was low now, seemingly calm, but I heard the danger behind it, the evil intent. "I was going to wait until the blimp landed, but maybe we should just leave now. So what if they know your secret, that you're a whiny little girl? That's not going to save you, and you're stupid for thinking it." He pulled me into him, kissing me, and I pushed him away, only to have him pull me tighter to him. He broke, pulled back, licking his lips with that insanely long tongue. "I'm taking you with me, and you're coming whether you like it or not, and I'll drag you away kicking and screaming if I have to, but you are not getting away."
I was lifted up into his arms, shocked at first at the unexpected move, and only when he turned to walk with me out the door did I finally snap out of it and start thrashing around. "No! No, no, NO, MARIKU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, PUT ME DOWN!" I didn't understand it. I just didn't understand how through everything, through all I'd been through, that things were going to end up this way. As I kicked and screamed and beat at him, not hurting him at all and only causing him to laugh as he carried me down the hall, I was once again being stabbed in the back.
Why did I think that would work? I...Yuugi accepted me. He took me for what I was and loved me for it. Mariku taunted me with it, hated me with it, so why? Why when everything happened, it was going to end up this way anyway? I tried, I really did, I fought, I did everything I could think of to get away, but..there was no more to it.
Mariku had won. I had lost. It was as simple as that. I hated him, I hated the world, how sadistic it was, how things ended up the way they did. I hated Mariku, I hated him, I hated him.
We reached the elevator and I was spent. I was mentally and physically exhausted through everything that happened. I lost, I had lost from the start. There was never any hope, hope didn't exist, it was just a word, a word for fools to look up to and believe and think it had meaning.
I cried into Mariku's shoulder, reaching up and nabbing his shirt, crying into him. He never said a word to me as we walked into the elevator, still carrying me in his arms, and I just cried. That's all I ever did.
I don't know where he was taking me, I don't know what he was going to do when we got there, all I knew was that everything was over and Mariku had won.
Everything...everything was over.
With no more tears to spill and exhausted, I closed my eyes, my face still buried into his strong chest, and I passed out.
I know your secret, Hikari.
Words, spoken so softly, angelically, but they ring false and are nothing but whispers from a devil.
You can't rid yourself of the darkness that easily, Hikari.
Ringing like poison for the air, choking me, suffocating me. I can't breath, I can't breath. They shine with truth, oh how they are so true, and I hate them, hate the one the words spew from.
I know your secret. Did you honestly think you could hide something like that from me?
I knew it. I knew it all along. I'm such a fool for thinking I could escape myself. You can't lie to yourself, no matter how hard you try. Others can be fooled by your words, the lies you can whisper in their ear, and they believe it, believe every little thing you could possibly tell them, because people are trusting, trusting to ones like me, to devils like me. I could never lie to myself. He knew all along, from the very beginning, from the moment my father carved those horrible scars into my back and he was born, he knew everything about me, because...we are the same.
Same, in every aspect of the word, we were one. Complete, whole, two sides of the same coin. If one were to die, the other would surely follow. That's the conclusion I had come to, anyway. Maybe that's why he was letting me live, because he didn't want to die.
Everything he did, did to me, did to himself, it was all for him. He was selfish, the epitome of hatred, jealousy, and every bad thing I can think of. He wanted all for himself, he wanted me, wanted what I had to give, and he took it all soaked with greed, swimming and drowning in it.
I...I love you, Hikari.
Love. It was a lie. There was no such thing. The things he did to me were not love, they were hate. He hated me, had always hated me, and he showed just how much he really hated me by touching me and shoving himself into me.
I won't kill you, Hikari, if you're afraid of that. I know what I said in the past, but things were different. I can't kill you, to be more specific, and you can't get rid of me either.
If that were true, if he couldn't kill me, whisk me away where only he remained, then...I could not kill him either. He truly lived within me, he was me, so...killing him was not possible. It wasn't possible to get rid of him, to hope he would let me be and go away. He would never go away. He would forever have me wrapped around his finger, bending over backwards to his will because he held all the cards now, he was in control, and I was not. I was the backwards one, the evil one, and he was the pure one and he would keep me trapped forever.
Three days. Two days of torture had passed and the third day was here. I don't know how I managed to since I had been drugged the day before, but I was able to fall asleep again, escape him for just a little bit, before I found the sun peeking through my window, dancing around on my floor in all its golden glory. I was groggy when getting out of bed, too exhausted to feel like making up the sheets, and I headed straight to the bathroom, wanting another bath since Mariku had made me dirty again last night.
It was strange to see myself in the mirror again. I hated looking at myself, thinking I was such a lowdown insignificant piece of dirt (because I was a lowdown insignificant piece of dirt), so when I took my clothes off and stared at my naked body in the mirror, it was a little sickening.
Broad shoulders, flat chest, flat stomach, a little bit of muscle on my arms, tanned skin, abnormal white blonde hair and lavender eyes. I was...different, exotic, the exact opposite of Mariku who had everything I had, yet appeared older and stronger than me.
I was only 16, and yet I was already doing things that were beyond me, things I should never have done. I was the bad guy in this story, not Mariku. I was the one in the wrong, the one who had started all of this, the one who began everything, so...maybe...
Maybe I was the Yami. Maybe Mariku was the Hikari. He was born from me, from my negative emotions, from my pain, the things I had from the very beginning, and Mariku was just an extension to that, a physical being born from my emotions, or was he? Every time I looked at it, I was always the bad guy, I had blamed everything on Mariku because I didn't want to seem like the villain, I took everything out on him when it was really me all along. I was just as much a monster as he was. I was the original, Mariku the copy.
Yet he was the pure one, the untouched one, because he came from me, the tainted one. What if he was the original, and I the copy?
Tears welled up in my eyes as I stared at my reflection, my tired, tired eyes that hadn't slept much, the shadows that rested under them, making me look ghostly, and the long bronzed arms that wrapped around me from behind, pulling me into the warm naked body they belonged to.
"Good morning, Hikari." His head came from around and rested on my shoulder, his hands exploring my upper regions, grazing over my chest and making my nipples hard, a mixture of cold air and his warm fingers. "Are you that eager to be naked?" That warm wet tongue creeping out, sopping as he pressed it to my neck, moving my hair out of the way. "You taste so good, Hikari."
I shivered, feeling sick, and wanted to puke. This was horrible, sick, twisted, but I had created it, I was letting this happen to myself, I wasn't doing anything about it. Why? Because I couldn't. You can't lie to yourself, you can't escape yourself, your own mind, your feelings.
"Can I bathe you?"
I was shocked at him for asking since he never asked, just took, but the shock lasted only a moment as I found him dragging me to the tub, not giving me a chance to answer and he plugged the tub up before filling it with hot water. Steam flew out, making me feel a little warmer, but not anymore comfortable at his hands that were still attached to my skin, touching, touching, stroking, always doing something. I had to bite the blood out of my lip to keep from crying.
I was so wretched, warped, and stained, stained black, and those touches, his kisses, his everything, it was black, dirty, adding to me, caking on, damaging me beyond repair. But...I was already broken before he came, already torn to shreds. What mattered if he were to just kill me a little more?
The tub was full and he let go of me, stepping inside and sinking low until the water rose up almost to his chest. He reached over, turning the knobs, and leaned back, giving me that same smile he always, always had. "Come here."
There was no resistance. There was no hesitation. There was nothing there as I did as I was told, stepping over and into the tub, sinking down and allowing him to pull me into his lap, wrapping his arms around my middle. Weak, I was always the weak one, the one who couldn't handle himself, who couldn't bear the thought of losing something. Childish, I was immature, and Mariku was the adult. He was always more knowing than me, even though he came from me, even though we grew up with each other, were both children when we first met. He was always right, always, always right while I was wrong. He was the perfect one, I the damned one.
A pink bar was picked up by my side and he lathered it against his hands, setting the soap down before returning to me and rubbing it all up and down my arms, my chest, my neck, my back, everywhere, he was touching and rubbing like he owned me.
"This smells good, Hikari." I wasn't even listening to him. I was a doll, a heartless and soulless doll who let him do its bidding, who let him manipulate it into doing whatever he wanted. It would happen that way anyway, so there was no fighting, there was no struggling, because Mariku always came out on top.
Resistance was useless. He would get what he wanted one way or another, so there was no point in thinking I could get away from him. He was always there, he had always been there, standing by my side, watching me, being with me, touching me, so why get try getting rid of him only for him to come back? He would get me one way or another. It would be less painful to just give up. Trying only resulted in suffering and crying and hurt.
His fingers found my hair and he smeared shampoo into it, going slow, massaging my scalp, being careful not to let his nails dig into my sensitive skin. "Your hair is beautiful." His lips were next to my ear, touching, letting his breath come out. I shivered. "It's so exotic, white. Light, like you are. You are the light, my light." I closed my eyes as he poured water on top of my head to get all the suds out. "I love you, my creator. I love, love, love what you are, who you are, I love everything about you. Your skin, your hair, your lips, the emotions you feel, everything you think about." He sucked in air, like he was getting high off of talking about me, like I was his personal drug for the air. "I want you so bad. I want to have you all to myself. Mine, all mine. Mine, mine, mine." His arm looped back around my waist and his head found my back, resting on it, smelling, taking in the scent the soap left on me. "No one else can have you. I'm so lucky. You belong to me, you're mine, and I'm going to keep you forever. You aren't getting away from me, I won't let you. You can't run, I'll just run after you, you can't hide, I'll just find you, and don't think you can fight me, because you won't win."
He was right. There...there was nothing left. No hope, no light at the end of the tunnel. He was at the end of the tunnel, forever blocking me from escape, forever cutting off my flow of light.
I sat cross-legged and naked on the floor of the bathroom, his legs on either side of me as he sat on the toilet and dried my hair with a blue towel. When the towel got too damp for him to dry me anymore, he reached up to the wall where one of those little hair dryer things rested and grabbed a brush, running the bristles through my hair with one hand while hovering the dryer over it with the other.
I sat like a child, and let him do it. I didn't feel ashamed, low or stupid. I didn't care that he was doing what he wanted, that he was treating me like an incompetent person who couldn't do anything for themselves. Because now that I had given up, now that I relinquished all the fight I had in me and bent over backwards for him...it didn't hurt anymore. Before, it was like I was being constantly stabbed in the stomach by somebody, the pain from everything had to settle somewhere, and screaming wouldn't get it out, so it coiled and receded deep inside of me, hurting, tearing, ripping. Everything was gone now. No more pain, no more suffering. Why did I not do this from the start? It would've saved me a lot of grief, a lot of stupid and worthless decisions.
My hair was dry and he continued to run the brush through it, playing with it, taking strands into his fingers and feeling of them, like he was entranced, and I could hear him mutter words like "Beautiful" and "All mine", but it didn't matter anymore.
He stood up, gently taking hold of my arm and bringing me up with him, turning me around to face him when he pulled me close, hugging me, crushing me, and running his long fingers through my newly dried hair. "This is the final day, Hikari. Only a little while longer and we'll be in Domino, and then you'll be all mine. I'm taking you away, Hikari, I'm taking you away from everything and it'll be just the two of us, and we'll have all we need. Don't worry, I'll take care of you. I need you, of course I'll give you everything you need."
I nodded, showing him that I understood, and he kissed my shoulders, moving up to my neck to kiss it, licking a trail up my chin and then running it over my lips where he pressed against them. I allowed him in, allowed him to explore my mouth and taste me, and he moaned inside me, grabbing the sides of my face to keep me attached. I don't know why he bothered. I wasn't going anywhere.
I would always be right under his thumb, right where he wanted me.
***
Everywhere I went today, Mariku was there. He wasn't letting me out of his sight for anything and I only had to venture a guess that he was afraid I would snap at the last minute and tell those people I was-- But, he was wrong. My last attempt failed, partially because I feared his wrath, and I caught myself. I couldn't...I couldn't. No. What was I thinking? I couldn't go through with it. I-I was a coward. I am a coward.
I noticed that the only times when Mariku wasn't breathing down my neck (in both a literal and figurative way) was when I complained of having to go to the bathroom. He would nod, release me from his crushing hug, and allow me to at least pee in peace. It was the rare time I could relax.
However, despite being up under me all day and not letting me leave the room, he...he wasn't trying anything. Yeah, he kissed me and hugged me and led that gross tongue all over my body, but so far...he hadn't tried to undress me and take me anymore. I didn't understand him, I didn't understand what he was thinking, what he did, or why he did any of it.
Crazy, he was just crazy, like I was. Crazy and scary and dangerous.
I was surprised when I came out of the bathroom and found that he wasn't waiting for me on the bed. I looked around the room, unnerved when I didn't find him anywhere. He was testing me, annoying me and getting me ruffled just because he could. I could always sit on the bed and wait for him, but my body betrayed my thoughts and I found myself walking out of the room, hands dug into my pockets like everything was just as normal and boring as it was for the rest of the world, and I made my way down to the elevator, heading to the first floor.
If he got mad at me for leaving, then whatever. I just didn't care anymore. I didn't care what he did, what he said, what he was going to do, none of it mattered anymore. Besides, if he got mad, then he'd get over it. I just left my room, it's not like I was running around the blimp naked and screaming out my secret to everyone (though the strange thought did bring a faint smile to my mouth, just a faint one).
I didn't care if I ran into those people anymore, so when the elevator reached the first floor and I stepped out, looked up and saw Yuugi trudging down the hall only to stop when he saw me, I sighed and walked toward him.
As always, he was messing with his fingers, picking at his nails and giving me an unsure look with his big magenta eyes. "Malik...kun?" He was always so unconfident about saying my name, like saying 'kun' would offend me.
I smiled at him, remembering back to yesterday. I had run out without giving him any explanation, but Yuugi surprised me. Had that been anyone else who saw me, they would've probably beaten down my door, screaming and yelling for me to tell them what was wrong. Not because they cared, because people were nosy and loved dirty little secrets and gossip. Yuugi...he was like me: Different. Yet, he was pure, so innocent, and even standing next to him, I felt like if he touched me, I would get him dirty. "Hello, Yuugi." I created the best fake good mood I could muster, but I had a feeling he didn't buy it. I was never very renowned for masking my feelings. "I'm sorry about running out yesterday."
He shook his head, causing his blonde fringes to bang against the side of his head. "No, no, I understand. I didn't...I'm sorry if I made you sick and for being so forward like that." His cheeks gushed red and I just wanted to break down and hug him, cry into his little chest and beg for comfort.
I shook my head. "No, you're fine, Yuugi. Why don't you worry about yourself for once?"
He perked up a little. "Oh, the other me is worried about you, too."
I had to laugh. "That's not what I meant."
"No, no, he really is!" He was hopping a little, getting excited for some reason or another. "We talked about you last night. He kept telling me not to check on you, that you would come out when you wanted, so...I waited and here you are." He smiled. "I should listen to him more often."
Even Yuugi's Yami, his darker half, was pure. Yuugi was so lucky. "Thank you, Yuugi, but...I'm fine, really."
I made to walk away from him, to get away and be by myself for once, but his voice ringing out once I was halfway down the hall made me pause. "I know you're lying, Malik-kun, but...I'm not mad. If you want to tell me something, I'll be here. I won't force you to tell, but just know that I'll listen." I could tell he was smiling, even without looking back at him. "I'll listen to you, when you get ready to talk. Don't be scared of me."
Yuugi, you... No, no, no, dammit, I was crying. The tears were falling and I didn't feel them, only saw them clouding my eyes until they fell. "Yuugi, I..." I wiped my face, not hiding my hiccups or gasps, but Yuugi didn't make any moves to comfort me, nor did he condescend me for my weakness. "Thank you, Yuugi. I'll keep that in mind." Never looking back at him, I continued down the hall toward another elevator. This one was different. The other led to the different floors, but this one led all the way up to the roof where the duels had taken place. It was nice out, the sun was out for once, and I clambered into the elevator, staring at my shoes and crying my eyeballs out as the door slid shut. It would take awhile to make it there, so I leaned against the wall, sobbing, rubbing at my eyes, trying to stop crying.
I wanted to tell, I wanted to tell so bad, but would that be selfish? Wouldn't I just be spewing out my problems like a little girl, admitting defeat, and putting them on somebody else's shoulders? I didn't want pity, I didn't want them to look down on me, to feel sorry for me because of what I was, what I had to keep hidden my whole life. It was shameful, blasphemy, and mocking cruelty.
But, Yuugi...Yuugi...I...I wanted to trust him. I did trust him. I knew, I knew he wouldn't be angry at me, he was far too good for that. He was everything I envied, everything I wished I could be, so I knew. He would accept me.
But, could I do it? Could I grow a backbone, ignore Mariku's wrath, walk straight up to him and spit it out? What if he didn't believe me? I would just have to make him believe me.
The insipid scratching of the intercom over my head droned out a message that made my spine freeze. "Attention all duelists and passengers, we apologize for the detour we had to make around the storm, but it appears to have left the Domino area, so we shall now be heading directly for Domino. It is now after two in the afternoon, and we should arrive there by six this evening. Thank you all for your cooperation and patience and we once again apologize for the delay."
The intercom flicked off and I stared at the wall, swallowing hard. Four hours...I had four hours until everything really was over, until Mariku took me away. Where he would take me, I had no idea, nor did I want to know, but knowing him, it was easy to figure it would be somewhere horrible and unpleasant.
The elevator dinged when I reached the roof and the sun punished me with its harsh light as I stepped out, my shoes squeaking against the roof that was still damp with the remnant of rain. The sun was so warm, so comforting and full of life and I basked in it, spreading my arms out and stretching. Oh God, how that sun felt good against me, warming me, bringing a smile out of me.
It was just like the first time I had come out from underground with Isis. The sun was so different, so bright and bright, and bright! So much more better than the dull candlelight of the tombs. I was instantly empowered by it.
I slid down the wall, right in the direct path of that bright yellow ball that was trying its hardest to peek all the way through some dark clouds that still hung around the sky. I didn't care that I was sitting in a puddle. A wet butt didn't matter to me. Not that I cared about anything hardly anymore. My life...my life would end after six today. My so called 'life' would be ruled by Mariku. There would be no life with him. But, there would be no death either.
Trapped, suspended between life and death, a horrible mixture of both and yet, none at the same time.
I curled up into a ball, wrapping my arms around myself and bringing my knees up where my chin had something to rest on. I cried, smiling, laughing, and crying at the same time. There was nothing funny about my situation unless you call irony humorous, but I couldn't help it. I was hysterical, laughing when it hurt so much, coughing and sobbing and crying and letting those tears pool into my mouth as I laughed and laughed.
Life. Ha. I never had any life. My life was meaningless. The ritual, the initiation of the Tomb Guardians was just a lie, it didn't mean anything to me. Getting revenge on the Pharaoh for making my family have to live underground all of our lives, that had become my life. Mariku, Mariku had been my life.
What a waste, what a stupid, stupid waste of a life. I lifted my red face, coated with tears, and looked up at the sun, at the beautiful and bright ball of light. What was the point of my birth? Nothing. Why put me on this earth, put me in this life, when it was meaningless? I stood up, wiping at my face, trying to breath normally once again. It was hurting again, my stomach, the pain returning, the memories of what had happened to me the past few days, it was all rushing back and I walked over to the railing, grabbing onto the wet metal bars and squeezing, looking down over the blimp.
Would it matter if I just jumped? It would be easy, it would be selfish, but it would be escape, escape from a worthless life, from a torturous one, it would be so easy. I gripped the bar, leaning over. Such a high fall onto the land below, onto the top of those buildings. I would be killed instantly and I laughed at the thought.
Easy, so easy. I took a step, leaning over further. Just a little more, a few more inches and I would be tumbling off the blimp and to my death. I smiled as the wind blew and tousled my hair, blowing it into my face where it stuck to my tear-coated cheeks. Easy. Death was easy. Death was within my reach, escape was right below me, just a little more.
No more secrets, no more fear, no more anything. Freedom. Yes, freedom tasted sweet, freedom was sweet, and that's all I wanted. I wanted to be free from...everything. Every little burden, every lie, every stupid emotion, Mariku.
I leaned further, feeling my feet leave the ground and I fell forward. This was it. I was going to fall, I was falling, going down, down, at the city, I-I was GOING TO DIE, I WAS GOING TO GET AWAY, Y-YES, YES, GET AWAY! I WAS G-GOING TO BE FREE!
I screamed when I felt a large hand enclose itself around my arm, yanking me back onto the deck and into a thin body. The same hand left my arm and grabbed my chin, forcing my head back to look upside down at the face of my so-called rescuer. "Hikari, what the hell are you doing?"
Never...never getting away. Hope...there was no hope. There was nothing, there was no light, there was no good in this world, there was nothing. There was only darkness and darkness was nothing, darkness was black and I was black and Mariku was black and--
I sobbed, covering my face with my hands and he released my chin, backing away from me and looking confused as I sank to the ground, face still covered by my hands, and wailed everything out.
Mariku was always there, and he would make sure I could not escape. Why was it taking me so long to accept the fact that I wasn't getting away? He had me right where he wanted me, there was no running or hiding or fighting, there was no resistance...there was only Mariku. And Mariku was hell and hell was repetition. He was my hell on earth, my eternal suffering, so no, there was no getting away from him.
I jumped when I felt his fingers caress my hair, trailing down to my ears, my neck, and then he rubbed the back of his knuckles against my arm. How could he be so gentle sometimes, so affectionate and seemingly caring, but then whirl around and be the cruelest thing in the world?
Because Mariku was pain. Mariku was suffering. Mariku was evil, and I was his unfortunate prisoner, his toy, pet.
He lifted my hands away from my face and gave me an almost shameful look when he stared at my tears. "Why?" My voice was croaky, like I hadn't had anything to drink for days. "Why do you do all this? What is the point of it all? I don't understand you, I don't know why this is happening, I don't know what you think, why you do what you do, so...why?" The tears still fell, and he wiped them away with his thumbs, giving me a small smile.
"Because we are the same. You are me, and I am you, Hikari. We cannot exist without each other, and it took me such a long time to realize that. We can't escape each other, there is no running away from both of us. We'll always be together, we'll always be like this, so the only left for you to do is just accept it. We belong to each other, we need each other, we would die without each other, that's just the way it is." His arms were wrapped around me, pulling me close again. Like always, my own arms remained by my sides, refusing to touch him. "Just accept it, Hikari. When we land, when we get off of this thing, you'll understand, then because I'm taking you away then. We'll be able to live together and be with each other." He backed away from me and kissed me. "I love you, Hikari. I love you so much, so just love me, too. Accept me, and love what I am, what I do, what I represent." His tongue, lapping away at my mouth, exploring the inner regions, and dancing with mine.
Acceptance. Accepting Mariku, just...giving him my love. Would it be less painful that way if I were to just...accept everything that was happening to me? It wasn't normal, none of this was normal. I shouldn't have to go through it, but I probably deserved it, for everything I did. If it was punishment, it was more than enough, but...if it was acceptance, if it was something I would just have to live with, then...that's all there was. I would have to accept him, let him do what he did to me, love him back, give back to him for everything he did, and just...live.
I hiccupped, allowing my tears to flow. It still hurt, everything was still as painful as the first day he raped me, and it only built up as time waned on. It would never leave, so...I kissed him back. I allowed my tongue to go into his mouth and I tasted him, I loved him like he loved me, and wrapped my arms around his body, pulling him to me.
He seemed pleased with me and backed away, holding my chin up so that I was looking him in the eye. "You're so beautiful, Malik. Remember when I said I wouldn't just take this whole time, that I would give back when the time was right?"
I nodded.
"Well, it's time. Don't worry about anything. Just love me."
Love him...
Love Mariku...
Accept him...
Love...
I still cried. Nothing was stopping those tears as he pressed his mouth to me again, and even though I kissed him back, nothing was different. If I loved him, things would be the same. I would still suffer, I would still be at his mercy and...he would hurt me whenever he wanted. Still, I remained calm and relaxed as he stroked the sides of my face, kissing me, kissing me for such a long time, and then pulling the tongue out, licking my lips, moving down to my neck, taking a hand and pulling my shirt over my head, always, always with his tongue, moving it, lapping it around my exposed nipples that hardened upon contact. He reached up to grab at my chest, moving his fingers around and around the nubs before taking them into his mouth again.
And I still let those tears fall. I couldn't help it. I was overwhelmed, feeling hopeless, degraded, dirty as I sat back, allowed him to move his fingers all around my body, tickling me, trying to calm me, and finally pushing me onto my back where he set to work with his mouth. That hot tongue of his, his warm breath, all of it was so immense, it was stimulating me, getting me off, and he knew this, wanted this. He was giving back what he took from me: Pleasure.
It was the third day of my hell, and it was almost over, and Mariku was raping me again. Was it really rape this time? Had all those other times really been rape? I had submitted each time, just sat back and let him do whatever he wanted. Rape was forceful, and Mariku had not used force. He threatened, and I quaked.
My secret...everything revolved around it. It's what held the noose around my neck, threatening to drop me to my death. It's what Mariku teased me with, used against me, that horrible, horrible truth about myself that I thought was locked away forever, gone. What a fool I am. Something like that could never go away. It had been with me since the day I was born, I was born with this secret, with this awful thing, this dark cloud that hung over my head and no amount of sugarcoating and covering would get rid of it.
Mariku's tongue danced around my stomach and he blew on it in a playful way, chuckling when I winced from it. I was uncomfortable, I still didn't want this, but...I let it happen. Even though there was no getting away, that didn't mean I had to love this, this horrible thing that was happening.
He fiddled with my pants, slowly pulling them down before tickling my thighs, lapping at them a little with his tongue, just to make my privates itch for touch. He ignored my begging arousal, and led that tongue up, down, all around, until he moved to my underwear, grabbing the sides with his teeth and yanking them down to expose my naked lower half. I cringed, feeling like vomiting when I secretly begged for his touch, to take the horrible, yet wonderful feeling away, for him to be the one to give me pleasure.
I wanted it, I wanted it so bad, I wanted his hands on me, I wanted him to grab and rub and tease and probe.
He was me, so he knew exactly what I wanted and he laughed softly as he made me suck on his finger before sticking it into my entrance. I hissed at the uncomfortable feeling of the thing rubbing around inside me, even though he had torn me to shreds before, I was such a virgin, wincing and whining at these small touches, but God, I wanted more and I sobbed, choking on my breaths as I fought to get them up and breath right, coupled with the stimulation he was causing me. Oh, it was euphoria, that feeling, that tightening, those contractions, God, I wanted more, more, Mariku, give me more.
I was torn between myself, between hating this and loving it at the same time. I didn't want him doing this, yet I loved that feeling, of his fingers rubbing around, stretching, preparing me, giving me pleasure when he would move them in and out.
He was building my climax perfectly this time and I could feel it start out small and grow bigger and bigger until I audibly moaned from the feeling. It was getting closer, his touches, his chuckles as I moved a little, trying to get friction with his fingers going in and out. I wanted it so bad, so, so bad, I wanted this to end. I wanted to climax. I wanted--
"H-haugh!" I made a sound somewhere between a choke and a moan as I felt myself cum, those muscles tightening and finally releasing and it was over. I was sweating all over, spent from everything, and my muscles down there were moaning from relief, resting for the time being. The haze left me more quickly than I would've liked, but it brought me back to reality and I swallowed hard as I realized those horrible and sluttish thoughts I had thought.
Mariku rubbed his hand around the liquid that poured out of me, taking himself out of his pants and coating as much of it as he could onto himself, lubricating to make taking me at least a little less painful than usual. He said nothing the whole time he stroked himself, already hard from listening to my moans, but just stimulating himself a little before taking me and he leaned above me, smiling, always with that same smile that I hated and he slowly slid in.
My back arched and I hissed at the pain. It still hurt, and he was all the way in, it still hurt. I looked down at him, watched as he furrowed his brow and closed his eyes to concentrate, and he pulled out, groaning, going back in just a little faster. My climax from before started to build once more, now that it was heightened from his touches earlier, and I moved with him, tried to bring myself down when he would rock in and he groaned at that, throwing his head back, little beads of sweat starting to form on his face. His thrusts became more erratic and he moved in and out faster and faster and I moved with him, rocking down as he went up, rocking up as he went down, creating a rhythm, and I knew he was getting close. I was getting closer and closer, my climax was rearing its head back up from earlier and I moaned aloud when he made a well-angled thrust up against me, stimulating me all the more.
This, this...all of this. I'm so dirty. I shouldn't be enjoying it, but he was giving back. The pain was gone, and I only felt the pleasure and moaned from it like a whore, wanted more of it like some dirty lowdown slut, but at that moment, I didn't care. I only wanted to climax, I only wanted him inside of me more, filling me up, and I cried, screamed, shed tears as I felt myself cum for the second time, felt that horrible stuff seep out of me, and he exploded into me, throwing his head back and crying out as well.
And then everything was over.
I sobbed, covering my face with my hands again, and he pulled out of me, sweating and breathing hard, crawling up next to me and wrapping his arm around my chest, pulling me next to him. Horrible, his touches were so horrible, yet, so beautiful too. I loved and hated him, wanted to both hug him and stab him in the back. His lips were over my face again, kissing the tears, kissing my eyes, nose, cheeks, every inch of skin he could find and it burned, it hurt, and I was so disgusting.
I looked up at the sky through his hair, at the sun that was climbing down from the sky further and further, only telling me how little time I had before we got off of this thing, before...I didn't want to think about it.
I sniffled as he made little kisses to my neck, sucking and licking, and I shifted, pushing him off of me. He leaned up, arching his eyebrows at me. "I...I really have to go to the bathroom." My voice was choked from crying so much, but he seemed to ignore that and leaned off of me, handing me my clothes that I shakily stepped into, almost tripping. I was so tired.
"Okay. Hurry up."
I didn't answer nor nod my head as I stepped back into the elevator, pulling my shirt over my head as the doors slid closed and I began my descent back down to the halls. I leaned against the wall, wiping away at my face, feeling like stabbing my eyes out if that would stop with the damned tears. They might as well dig a hole and stay there, I seemed to pour them out so much.
Once I could see properly again, my eyes trailed over to the wall where a small clock rested. Three. It was after three. I didn't even have three hours left anymore. Why was time so short? I felt my heart beat hard into my chest, throb in my ears, and I slammed my hands over them.
No, no, no, no, NO! I...I still had one shot left. I didn't have to be with Mariku, I didn't have to love him, I could still win. I released my head and watched the little metal pipes and such slide passed me as the elevator took me down. I...I could do it. I would do it. I was going to go do it. I couldn't take this anymore. No, I would never love Mariku, he was crazy to think I would just sit back and love him.
I wouldn't let him control me anymore. This was my body, this was me. I was Malik...he wasn't me. He was Mariku, and I would tell my secret to the one person I knew with everything I had would listen and accept me.
I was going right now to tell Yuugi everything. He needed to know. I had three hours left, I couldn't waste them with Mariku. His semen, his disgusting cum was dripping out of me and I walked awkwardly when I got out of the elevator. Damn you, Mariku, damn you to hell, I hate you, I hate you, I HATE YOU. And I was going to kill you. No matter what you said, no matter what you did to me, I wasn't going to let you take over me again. You were not in control, I was. I had always been, I just didn't realize it. Telling my secret would no longer give you a reason to control me. It was perfect. You'd held that away from me for so long, haven't you? You KNEW these people would accept me, you knew they were good people, but you pulled my strings into thinking I had no one, that you were my only one. I only curse myself for not figuring this out sooner.
I walked passed the bathroom. I had to hurry, and even though that stuff was coming out of me, soaking into my pants (I hadn't put my underwear back on), I could ignore it. It was easy to ignore. I ran, ran through that hall. I had to find Yuugi, fast! Where was he, where was he, h-he said he'd be there for me, so WHY COULDN'T I FIND HIM?! Yuugi, Yuugi, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, why didn't I listen to you? You were right. I need to tell, I need to get this out in the open, break the chains Mariku has around me.
Even if you reject me, I'll still love you for what you told me. You've always been kind to me, Yuugi, and...I wasn't afraid anymore. I could fight Mariku. I would win. I would win. I would win.
I rounded a corner, not seeing Yuugi standing right there and I crashed headlong into him, causing both of us to shriek as we fell over backwards.
"M-Malik-kun, what's the matter?" He had a red spot forming on his forehead from where I hit him, and I scrambled to my feet. I had to be quick, I had to be fast, Mariku would be coming, he would know I would tell and he would do anything to stop me from doing that.
"Yuugi!" I snatched his arm, dragging him across the hall and into an empty room.
"Malik-kun, what's going on?" He looked around worriedly, back and forth between me and the dark room we were in. I locked the door, my back facing him.
"Yuugi..." I was out of breath from running, nervous, so nervous about what I was going to tell him, and still scared, terrified of Mariku. No. I had to stop being scared for once. I had to be strong, be brave, do this and get it all out. "Yuugi, I have to tell you something."
I turned to him, the sun shining on him through the window, lighting up the room just a little. It was growing dimmer by the minute. "O-okay, Malik-kun. I'm listening." He leaned forward, eyes large and excited, awaiting what I had to say.
"Yuugi, I'm--please don't hate me for this. I mean, if you do, then...then that's okay." I smiled, walking toward him.
'Malik..' I could almost hear his voice in the back of my head, warning me. He knew. He was me. He knew. 'Malik, don't you dare.'
"Yuugi, I've kept something from...from everybody for a very long time and...and I can't hide it anymore." I was so close to him, I could touch him, and I smiled down at him as he stared up at me. "I've been lying to you all this time, Yuugi. To everyone."
He arched his eyebrows. "What do you mean, Malik-kun? What are you hiding?"
My hands were shaking, I was going to throw up. Please, please don't reject me, Yuugi. I love you too much. You were my first friend, so please, please don't hate me for this. "I'm..." I pulled my shirt over my head, exposing my chest and Yuugi almost fell over backwards, his magenta orbs glued to me.
'MALIK!'
I smiled, happy tears spilling from my eyes as Yuugi took me in, shaking a little, and he finally stared back up at me. "Malik...you're a...a girl?"
I nodded, not at all embarrassed that he was staring at my small breasts. They were so small, so all I really had to do was wrap a strap around them and I was as flat as a boy.
Yuugi looked confused. "I don't...Malik, this doesn't make sense. Why..?" He broke off.
He was coming, I could feel Mariku and he was mad at me, so very mad. He was going to kill me, but I just smiled at Yuugi, at kind Yuugi. "I'm sorry. I had to hide it. I...I was...I wasn't meant for any of this. I was supposed to be a boy, a boy to take the Tomb Guardian's initiation." I turned to show him my scars. He'd already seen them after the tournament was over, but I had somehow managed to hide my front from him. Nobody saw. "It was supposed to be a boy to take this, a boy was supposed to have these things carved into his back, so when my mother had two girls, Rishid not being blood related to us, and my mother died, my father refused to have it any other way. He hated Rishid, so giving him the scars was out of the question. I don't know why, he could've chosen Isis, but he chose me and brought me up as a boy, fooling all who saw, hiding what I really was from everyone, and so, I had to think like a boy, talk like a boy, forget about everything I really was and live like a male." I sucked in a breath, turning back to face him, pulling my shirt back over head. He was entranced, listening to everything I said with an astonished look on his face. "I'm sorry, Yuugi. You and your friends met me as a boy, thinking I was a male who carried these scars, carrying them like a boy should have. They...they are meaningless when given to a female." I looked away from him, swallowing. I was quite proud of myself for keeping strong this whole time. No stuttering or anything. "My father was afraid of angering the gods and made me swear never to tell anyone. As far as I was concerned, I was born male. He just...Dad just wanted a son, so when he couldn't get a real one, he made me into one."
I stopped talking and looked at Yuugi whose mouth was hanging open and I almost laughed. What he said next, I wasn't expecting. "So...you're a girl...does that mean that Mariku is..." He didn't finish, nodding his head at me, hoping I got the hint.
I actually laughed at that one. "No, no. He's...he's a boy." I bit my lip. "It sounds crazy, Yuugi, I know it does, but when I was down underground, living my life as a boy, when I thought of Mariku, I was a boy then, you know? So, he was born male. He was brought upon by all my suffering and pain I went through when I was lying to myself and saying I was male, so..."
He nodded and walked close to me. I couldn't place his expression, and I was scared he was going to reject me, get angry at me for lying to him. "Malik...you...it's okay. You don't have to lie about that. I mean...if people see your back then, that was your father's fault. You can't help the way you are." His face lit up with a smile. "And don't worry, I still like you, even if you are a girl."
"Hey, watch it."
He laughed and walked into me, wrapping his small arms around my waist, giving me a grin only a child could give. "I won't reject you and what happened to you. Who cares if that ritual was meant for a boy? I'm just sorry your father chose you to reap the penalty when you didn't deserve it. Even if you were a boy, you didn't deserve any of that."
Acceptance. Love. Light. I wrapped my arms around Yuugi, pulling him into me. "I..." I cried, just let the tears fall out. This...this was what love felt like. Oh God, it felt better than I imagined. It was like a huge weight was lifted off my chest and I hugged onto Yuugi, not wanting to let him go.
The depression, the anguish, the fear, it was all gone. I felt...free.
"It's okay," he cooed to me, not in a condescending way, though. "You don't have to worry anymore. The others think the same thing I do. We like you, Malik...chan. We really do, so you don't have to worry about anything anymore. We'll accept you no matter what you are."
"Thank you, Yuugi, thank you so much." My tears spilt into his hair, but he didn't seem to mind.
Angel, he was an angel on earth, sent for me to tell this stuff to. Beautiful, he was so beautiful. I cried.
'MALIK!'
And then the noose wrapped tightly around my neck. I released Yuugi, my eyes wide with fear and confusion as I was ripped away from him. Something...something was pulling me back, away from him. No, no, Mariku, no, dammit, I'm not doing this anymore!
He had torn through the door, slammed it open and was dragging me out by my arm. I screamed, kicking and punching at him, and he whirled me around to face him, shaking me so hard that my teeth rattled. "MALIK! YOU CAN'T ESCAPE! THERE'S NO GETTING AWAY!" Another shake, and I jerked away from him, only to have him grip me tighter and I was right in his face, him screaming bloody murder at me, laughing at the same time. "Did you think that by telling your secret that it would solve anything?!" He threw his head back and laughed, squeezing me as I struggled, biting his nails into me. "VERY FUNNY, MALIK, YOU'RE JUST FUCKING HILARIOUS! THERE'S NO GETTING AWAY, THERE'S NO GETTING AWAY!"
"Stop!" I reached down to bite his arm, but that didn't faze him in the slightest and he only continued to laugh that horrible, hysterical laugh. "Stop it, Mariku, DAMMIT, I'M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE, YOU FREAK!"
I think my heart stopped when Yuugi was there, his face twisted into anger and he reached up, trying to pry Mariku's hands from around me. "Mariku, let her go!"
Mariku stopped his laughing fit and looked down at Yuugi like he was a fly and released me with one hand, making a fist and punching poor Yuugi who shrieked and was floored by the hit. "Get off me, you little fuck, and don't tell me what I can and can't do with my Hikari!" His arm reattached itself to me and he turned to me, grinning in the most disturbing way possible. "Hikari." His voice was low now, seemingly calm, but I heard the danger behind it, the evil intent. "I was going to wait until the blimp landed, but maybe we should just leave now. So what if they know your secret, that you're a whiny little girl? That's not going to save you, and you're stupid for thinking it." He pulled me into him, kissing me, and I pushed him away, only to have him pull me tighter to him. He broke, pulled back, licking his lips with that insanely long tongue. "I'm taking you with me, and you're coming whether you like it or not, and I'll drag you away kicking and screaming if I have to, but you are not getting away."
I was lifted up into his arms, shocked at first at the unexpected move, and only when he turned to walk with me out the door did I finally snap out of it and start thrashing around. "No! No, no, NO, MARIKU, I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU, PUT ME DOWN!" I didn't understand it. I just didn't understand how through everything, through all I'd been through, that things were going to end up this way. As I kicked and screamed and beat at him, not hurting him at all and only causing him to laugh as he carried me down the hall, I was once again being stabbed in the back.
Why did I think that would work? I...Yuugi accepted me. He took me for what I was and loved me for it. Mariku taunted me with it, hated me with it, so why? Why when everything happened, it was going to end up this way anyway? I tried, I really did, I fought, I did everything I could think of to get away, but..there was no more to it.
Mariku had won. I had lost. It was as simple as that. I hated him, I hated the world, how sadistic it was, how things ended up the way they did. I hated Mariku, I hated him, I hated him.
We reached the elevator and I was spent. I was mentally and physically exhausted through everything that happened. I lost, I had lost from the start. There was never any hope, hope didn't exist, it was just a word, a word for fools to look up to and believe and think it had meaning.
I cried into Mariku's shoulder, reaching up and nabbing his shirt, crying into him. He never said a word to me as we walked into the elevator, still carrying me in his arms, and I just cried. That's all I ever did.
I don't know where he was taking me, I don't know what he was going to do when we got there, all I knew was that everything was over and Mariku had won.
Everything...everything was over.
With no more tears to spill and exhausted, I closed my eyes, my face still buried into his strong chest, and I passed out.