Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Reason to Live ❯ The Abuse ( Chapter 7 )

Reason to Live by: Angela (orangeaura868)

Chapter One: The Abuse

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh.

Warning: Language, gore, excessive violence, suicidal implications, and all that good stuff.

Ryou

Sometimes I feel as if I stand out so much no matter how much I'm ignored. I drifted in with the crowd but felt so out of place. People guess I feel this way, because of my snow white hair, in truth it goes deeper than looks. I didn't belong, especially since I didn't have any friends. I felt so separate, so alone in my life. I didn't have a single friend in the whole world. Never have I ever felt so cold.

I couldn't possibly burden Yugi with my troubles, besides, he'd only pity me, and that would be all. His friends did just the same. They each had their happy lives, and I refuse to bother them. I would just be another person to worry over. Yugi had his Yami, Jounouchi and Shizuka had each other, Honda and Anzu were good friends since Middle School…even Kaiba had someone to love him, Mokuba. I, however, had no one. I wouldn't want to dirty Yugi with my troubles. I didn't want to bring him down with me, to the point of committing suicide. He doesn't need the corruption. A fallen angel is an angel no more.

I didn't want that. I don't mean to seek vengeance from all of the people who were luckier in life. I would never rest with all the happiness to take because in reality everyone had it better than me. I don't want to drag anyone down with me even if it were to mean companionship in this dismal place. I wanted to have someone by my side, but I was never able to make friends. I felt so alone. I felt underestimated. No one ever thought much of me. I wasn't given a fair hand in the game of Life. I know this is self-loathing, but I feel it is justified. Who wouldn't look at me, more importantly my life with scorn or distaste? I don't belong, I hated myself, how could I not? I hated my weakness, my scars my bruises, and my cowardliness. I hated that I couldn't stand up against him.

I was so weak, why couldn't I have been stronger? I was tainted, why can't I be pure again? I'm living, why can't I die?

Let the world be rid of me as well as my Yami. Just let me die…

It wouldn't take a fool to see that I'm miserable, my entire existence was meant to be miserable. How could I possibly live, knowing that all I've ever caused is pain, and I was the only one who deserved it? It was meant to be mine. Sharing it would only bring others pain, and that wouldn't be right. I wanted to be trusting and innocent, but I could never be trusting of everything when a certain Yami has stripped me of all I had loved, all I had, all that I wanted to live for. I was fading…and I felt so dead. I wanted to stand up to him; I wanted my last stand before I beat him. For once I would be the winner of all those horrible times. I would look back on it as a game and then I would be free. I was scared half to death by what I was going to do, but it would make it easier. It would only leave me another half to take away. I didn't expect to be in heaven, I expected to be put out of my pain.

Should I? Would I? Could I? Yes…but I never imagined that I would turn to death as the answer. Never even considered it until this day.

I kept my head low, eyes strained on the ground. I was still a while from home when it started raining. I looked up at the suddenly darkened sky as it released a steady fall of little raindrops. The tears of the angels were falling on me. I wanted to tell them, don't cry for me! I was going to be so happy after this, if there was an after…don't feel bad for me! I was saving all the victims that may have fallen to Bakura and I was avenging all the ones who had fallen. I mused over the raindrops falling on my face as I squinted my eyes to look at the sky. I used to be Bakura. I still am that right now. Yet what else could I call the spirit if not by his old name? I add my own name to the list of many things that were borrowed…never meant to be mine. I breathed deeply, every breath counted…and then I ran. I ran home to carry out my plan all the while praying, please dear angels…let my yami still be asleep! I slowed down as I saw the familiar houses of my few neighbors and the green canopy of trees. I recognized my own house and I suddenly tensed.

My yami was not resting; I was to expect a beating. Father had been gone on another trip and my yami would not hesitate to beat me. I trembled a bit, I was so scared! I looked up at the angels wanting to tell them that no yami would stir me from my path, and the rain slowed. It was depressing, the rain I mean, so sad. Soon I again felt miserable. My ray of hope almost completely gone, but I still had my spirit, I was not going to be that submissive. I was at the door now, I was home.

Bakura

My hikari was actually early. He must be afraid of getting a little wet. He was so pathetic. The mere thought of him brought fiery anger from deep inside me. It called forth a timeless emotion that I'd grown used to over the years of entrapment. The ancient thing that became my only companion was back as I thought of him. I hated the very thought of my hikari. He was so easy to break apart. That's what intended on doing. I wanted to make him break and crumble. I wanted him to lose all hope, to realize how worthless he really was. And I was going to enjoy it as well. I stood up in the middle of the living room in plain view had it not been for the shadows. Watching him suffer would be the highlight of my day. I watched with narrowed eyes as he opened the door slowly, and I could sense precaution.

His every motion flowed together, opening the door, stepping in and lightly dropping his bag to the floor and stepping out of his shoes. He was so graceful. He was obviously meant to be a hikari, but I felt angry at even the thought of that…every thing that involved him would just make me so furious. I was beginning to get impatient. I had waited so long to raise hand and blade to him, to make him cry and beg for mercy. Only to look up and understand that I was not merciful. His idiot father had just left this morning, and he had all day to get worked up over what might happen…he must have been shaken up by the other `beatings'…this one would be much worse. Before I knew it my vision had turned hazy…red…and all I could feel was anger and hatred. I would make him pay for his father's long stay.

Normal

Ryou walked into the dark house and carefully set his backpack down. He slipped off his shoes and glanced at the dark, silent halls. He wasn't as scared of the dark as he used to be, but he admitted to still have a weak spot when it came to darkness and shadows. His day had been a long one, one that he dreaded to return home from all the same. He had avoided Yugi and kept to himself. He stood inside and the door was open, the light illuminated the room making a silhouette of him on the opposite wall. Bakura was hiding amongst the shadows gazing at his hikari and acknowledging just how much he fit the title. The light coming from outside seemed to border his body, making it glow brightly as if Ryou really were an angel of light. Bakura hated the light. Ryou sighed and closed the door behind him, emitting a loud ominous creak. The light had gone, leaving Ryou in a dark miserable house and he became scared, his yami was not the merciful type.

His yami was pure evil, and he would always be that way. Always. Ryou could feel his yami and he bent his head down and look intently at the cold marble ground wondering how much pain he would feel when he was thrown against them. He was pitiful it seemed, his white locks drenched in rainwater and his eyes dull. He looked pale with fright and his heartbeat quickened. His lips set in a small frown, his eyes still dull…but with a hint of fear…he was intent on seeming dead and crushed with no spirit left within him. He was doing a wonderful job…but he was still far from escaping physical caring…looking like he didn't care didn't mean he really did not care. Bakura soon interrupted through the mindlink.

// Home so soon? // He asked slyly, his voice dripping, of false concern and care.

/ Yes, master/ Ryou answered, his voice soft and low, seeming so weak. Bakura chuckled, glad that he was being so submissive but still wanting to beat him.

// Good…you're finally beginning to understand. Resistance is futile…is it not? You've been a good little slave…I can't find a reason to hurt you.// Ryou breathed the slightest bit slower, glad…but still curious…his yami would never go easy on him. It was true though…he was being obedient…maybe he won't be beaten. His thought was interrupted as a blow was thrown at his face. Caught off guard Ryou was immediately on the floor…the cold marble floor slamming into his back causing the old unhealed bruises to bruise even more. The shock of the fall now slicing through his back, and the cold seeping into all the injuries. He grit his teeth and closed his eyes tightly.

// Of course…I still don't need an excuse to beat you. No one will ever save you. You are absolutely alone.// His yami's voice was cold and unwelcoming…dark and forbidding. The reality of what he had said made Ryou turn to his side and curl up into a ball. Ryou wanted to tell himself that it wasn't true, but he had been thinking about that all afternoon. It was true and that hurt all the more.

// What's this? // Bakura continued in a sinister and false innocent voice that seemed to mock Ryou. // You poor baby! Are you hurt by the truth? // Bakura laughed diabolically and grinned happily. He really did enjoy torturing people both mentally and physically. He dragged Ryou up by his hair and began to yell in his ears.

" You are all alone and no one will ever help you!" He threw Ryou across the room, his head made contact with the corner of the window sill making his already hurting head hurt with more intensity. His head was throbbing from the shock and it hurt so badly. He clenched his fists tight and his arms crossed circling himself in an attempt not to scream out. He let out a few gasps of shock and tears forced their way out of his closed eyes. He could only cower in fear as his yami stood above him. Bakura kicked Ryou furiously shouting insults through the mindlink.

//Pathetic wimp! Completely worthless! No good hikari…useless…weak!// Bakura ranted and fumed, his anger mounting with each insult. He began to believe every cruel insult he spat out. He aimed kick after kick right at Ryou's stomach. Ryou tried to curl up into a ball for protection but another kick always spread him out flat. Ryou kept getting the air knocked out of him. He felt his ribs cracking and felt his whole chest seem to be on fire. It pained him so much.

Bakura finally stopped and Ryou breathed deeply only to find how much that hurt. He winced in pain and stayed down.

// Are you hurt? Does it hurt real bad? Or is it not that …does it hurt you to know that no one will save you, that no one cares? // Ryou choked back tears…it was all true. He could feel Bakura stop for a while, probably to admire his work, he thought. A sudden pain shot through him, he felt like he was doubled up in knots. He immediately started coughing uncontrollably. He coughed up what little air he had left and with it, blood. Bakura grinned in the background, watching his hikari retch out blood. With each cough, his lungs seemed to lack more and more oxygen. His chest seemed to go into convulsions because of his coughing. His cracked ribs cracked even more as the crimson blood poured out of his lips. He felt so sick…his chest was covered in dark bruises, his ribs were cracked, his head ached and throbbed, and he had just coughed up blood.

He collapsed down again, waiting for his yami to approach and continue the beating. Already it had been much worse than the other times and this wasn't over yet. He breathed in slowly and quietly to not disturb his broken ribs and assorted bruises. This was much worse than dying.

Ryou

Bakura's taunting came almost as soon as I walked in. The voice mocked me, and degraded me. His fist came later. Soon I found myself against the cold floor just wishing for it to be over soon…if only I had known that what I asked for was impossible. He continued to throw me around, my head had hit something, it hurt with a throbbing pain. It felt like I could feel the pumping of blood coursing down my scalp. He kicked me everywhere, specifically my stomach. It hurt so much, there was so much pain…and there was that cruel taunting voice that echoed through my head. You're all alone! My breath got knocked out of me with every kick; I breathed in gasps of pain and anguish. I heard the ominous crack of my ribs breaking with his kicks. I tried to turn or curl up…but Bakura would only kick my spine, I flipped back over immediately and met with a boot right on top of my body. He applied pressure and I felt an unbearable pain course through me. I screamed out loud hoping for it to just stop. Alone…all alone…alone…all alone. I was hoping for mercy.

" Bakura!!! Onegai! Onegai yameru! Yameru onegai! Iie! Iie! Yameru! Bakura!" I screamed. One side of me could not believe that I had given in so easily, another was ashamed, and yet another felt so stubborn for the dark period; for thinking that it would all be over soon…to think that I could end it. How could I possibly? Why did I have to prepare for a death that would be a miracle beyond me? Within one single minute everything was back to the way it was before…and I was begging.

He laughed at my weakness, and he stepped harder until it finally stopped. I coughed up blood with each violent shake of my body. I felt blood all over my head, my face…and it dripped down my neck to my chest. I lay there, looking at all the blood on the floor…it was everywhere from me being thrown around. I began to feel distant, fading almost. I was brought back to reality when I felt my yami staring at me.

Look! I wanted to scream at him, look at what you've done to me. Have you no shame? Have you no pity?! His eyes just continued to bore into me. Savoring every bit of pain that I felt. His garnet eyes that seemed so clouded, hazy…and I doubted that he could see the pain. I doubted he could see my pain as a bad thing. It seemed like he was looking into my soul, it seemed like he was tainting it with every glance that he took. I was reduced to a slave! More importantly, I was a slave to him, he was completely dark…not an ounce of light. He was never going to be caring. I pushed all my old fantasies away. He was never going to look back at me and suddenly snap. He wasn't going to one day realize that he had gone too far. He was too evil for that. He stopped staring. He walked back towards me and my body automatically cowered in fear. Weak pitiful thing…cowering…pathetic. The thought was my own…so many thoughts. I closed my eyes…the room was starting to spin. I was losing a lot of blood fast…I felt so faint. He lifted me up by my neck and once again I felt like I couldn't breathe. I clawed at his hand and gripped at it, struggling fruitlessly to escape the grip. His hand only grew tighter. Oh God! I'm choking!

I looked at him through my foggy eyes. I wasn't gone far enough to not catch the evil glint in his eye and his devilish smirk. I looked at his other hand to see a knife, oh no! I can't take this pain! I can't last against him! He can win for all I care…evil was winning against good. Good was just a weakling. I just can't take the pain he loved to see me in…and it wounded me even more knowing that. I was never a match for him. There was no hope at all ever…it was all foolishness. There is no hope against him.

Just let him be over with it. Just let this nightmare end. Tomorrow it will be over with sunshine and butterflies. Over, over, over…it'll be over! Let this be finished…let it be tomorrow…let me catch my breath before I adjust myself to an eternity of this. Let me adjust…or let me die.

Bakura

I held him up by his neck and he struggled a bit. However, his eyes grew wide when he happened to see my dagger. I laughed inwardly. I haven't even started yet! He closed his eyes again, refusing to see anything. I didn't mind, I was relishing everything that I was planning to do. I threw my dagger up carefully and caught it…I was playing with it…absolutely addicted to the blood and the screams I've heard. I felt exhilarated. I tossed it one last time and made a slash in between the layers of the school uniform, slicing it open to reveal the ring…and the many bruises on my hikari's chest. I smiled knowing that I had caused them. He whimpered when he felt his shirt opened, if possible, I grinned even wider.

I had purposely sliced a bit of skin and I watched his pale skin redden with blood. I lapped up the rich substance, it tasted metallic and from one little lick…I already wanted more. I tossed up my knife again and caught it before making a quick slash from the base of his neck to the front of his chest. It was cut diagonally to create the most blood with minimal damage to each vein. I leaned my head in at the bottom of his neck and sucked the blood like a vampire would. His blood was intoxicating. I let a moan escape my lips, and I felt my hikari tremble, I loosened my grip to allow him to breath. I took my dagger out again and this time cut slowly down from his shoulder to lower arm. I watched in frenzied delight as I saw crimson leaking out, pooling together before finally dripping down his arm. I realized that I was getting carried away, I didn't cut him for that purpose.

Realizing that, I dragged his body to the kitchen, he was losing consciousness and I slapped him until I was sure he could feel even the cold air and darkness. He groaned in protest and I sliced him again. He screamed loudly and seemed to be more… awake. I wanted to be sure though…I pressed my finger against his cuts and pushed in deeply. He screamed some more as more blood spilled from him onto the floor. I would have quite a mess to clean up after this. I threw his body on the floor again and he gasped in shock and then screamed. I didn't bother to quiet his screams…I found them rather enjoyable.

I went looking for something…something that had suddenly come up. It was something I had wanted to save for a rainy day...it was raining today.

I laughed inwardly and walked towards where he lay almost like a lion stalking its prey. I moved slowly enjoying every minute building up the suspense of what I had planned.

I hovered over his body, his poor mangled body and I saw was red. Every thought of him brought me anger. Have a nice time my dear hikari!

He screamed, and yelled, and thrashed wildly. I delighted in the sight of the physical pain and from the sense of control that I felt. I reached for the pain and the blood and the pure addiction. It was only physical, not something like mental pain. I was never good with emotions that's why I had none…my childhood had caused all of that.

Scream louder, my hikari.

Ryou

I wanted to break into sobs, and I was so close to doing so. There was absolutely nothing more to live for. My father could care less seeing what he left me to…no matter how much I had cajoled him, he still left. My friends simply pitied me…what person in their right mind could possibly like me? I abandoned all hope of living…but I still held dearly to the little spark that refused to be put out by Bakura. I refused to have him be my death as he threatened so many times before.

Bakura loomed over me and I was bruised in many places. Bakura took me and pulled me up by his collar and shook me around.

" You are my slave and you will serve me and listen to exactly what I say. You will work for me and only me and you'll serve me till the day I decide your life is pointless. Even after death, I will have your soul…don't think that death will save you!"

I cowered in fear and nodded slightly. Bakura laughed and threw me against the wall.

I still remember him from then…the first time I saw him and the first words he ever spoke to me. I remembered how terribly angry he was. The words stood out the most…the lies stood out the most. I knew better than that now. I learned from Yami that Bakura would be imprisoned inside the ring without me and that he was just scaring me. I remember how Yugi had found me crying and ran to comfort me. When I told him my dilemma he asked Yami to appear to help me. I wasn't afraid of him…I felt like the old me again. I felt like I would stand up to him no matter what. I opened my eyes and watched him twirl his knife expertly and throw it up in the air. I watched it spin a full 360 time and time again and fall back to his hand only to be thrown up once again.

I closed my eyes, keeping them open took a lot out of me. I felt relieved to have them closed but the relief was short-lived. I immediately became anxious to know when he was going to strike. To know when I was going to have to prepare myself for the most horrible injuries ever. I knew I had to tolerate it. I was going to be beaten and cut…I could live an extra hour with that. I still didn't have anything to live for…but the thought of Yugi and his Yami gives me the hope to continue on…to last. I will not die by his hand. I will die by my own. I felt so sure of myself. I felt the air in front of my face rush by. The cool breeze tickled my bruised cheek and calmed me. I tried to not show pain but it was still impossible. I could feel my ribs move with every breath and my head was still throbbing. But I relaxed a bit. However…this was short-lived also seeing that one little thought kept coming up.

The calm before the storm.

I heard the sound of the large knife cut its way through the air just inches from touching my face. The sound resembled gusts of wind blowing together except it was quieter, smaller, but all the more deadly. I whimpered a bit at that thought. I felt so sure I could make it…but I was so doubtful now. I'm not strong enough to handle this. I am much better off with emotional pain. Cutting and slashing scared me very much. I released my grip on his hand that held me by my neck hoping to slip away into unconsciousness, staying conscious now was not a good thing. The feeling of breathlessness did not come. He was using the Ring to keep me awake! How cruel…it was to be expected of course…he was such a sadistic jerk. I felt the air still suddenly. The realization that he had stopped petrified me. The calming breeze that blew through my air and cradled my cheek was gone. The feeling of anxiety came back once more and I felt the cold blade slide between my school uniform and slash downwards. He had left my chest bare and I turned so he could not see me blush the tiniest bit. I wanted to yell at him again.

You like what you see?! All those bruises were made by you…all you've ever caused is pain. Aren't you ever ashamed of yourself? Wasn't there ever a time that you were humane? Didn't you ever find the thought of hurting someone so much grotesque? I only whimpered in fear as I felt my chest tingle and the cool drops of blood he had purposely cut in when cutting away the buttons that held my shirt together. I could just imagine him looking at me and not feeling the slightest thing. I could think of him looking at my bruises in delight. I could just see the proud look on his face while regarding my bruises. Never have I felt so defenseless against him.

He had taken away my life. He had destroyed all that was worth living for and for the things that he could not destroy than he always kept me away from it. To this very day I still can't find my mother's favorite brooch…the last thing I had left to remind me of her. All the pictures had been torn out of the house and father didn't even question me. No one cared…it was so true. All the books were burned…each holding a fond memory of when mother would tuck both Amane and me into bed and read a story to each of us. He had taken it all away…everything that I was the slightest bit attached to was destroyed. All that was left was the emotionless face that would stare back at me hauntingly whenever I looked into the mirror. It haunted me, reminding me how much I looked like mother and Amane…but the carefree happiness was gone. Bakura had ripped it out along with the rest of everything I had left to live for.

The rest was just a blur, cold steel digging into me slicing the slightest bit into my skin…taunting me with agonizing pain. I remember fighting back only to be beaten even more. The ice cold frosty dagger cutting into me…I screamed at that feel of sharp pain. It stung…the pain tearing into me every which way. I couldn't stand it. As soon as it began…it stopped. I slumped to the floor hoping that he was done…that he was content.

No…fate was exceptionally cruel to me and I felt Bakura dragging me across the floor. I kicked a bit and he cut me again at my cheek. I stopped in a frozen fear. He was so dominant over me…it was a wonder I hadn't given in sooner. I could feel him leave me, and hear the sound of his footsteps walking away. Please don't come back. I didn't want him to. I knew it would never happen but I hoped against hope that maybe he would leave me. I hoped that better yet he would finally be compassionate towards me…then I heard his voice.

It came to me… the burning feel manifesting itself deeper and deeper…he had poured salt on me! I screamed in agony…I could feel it sinking into the gauze and dissolving slowly. It ate away at my skin. I was burning! I could literally feel flames licking all over me…the sharp pain making me struggle and kick and squirm. I winced in pain and screamed out. I screamed more and more as it ate at me…tearing, ripping, and burning into me. I wanted so much for this to be over…for it to be a dream. It was unbearable! I felt like everything from before coming back tenfold. I could feel myself slipping away…I didn't want to just yet…I had sworn not to die by his hands. I had sworn it. With the last my strength I thought of all that I could possibly wish for…like this not happening.

/ I wish the ring never came to me…I wish my yami could be gone, I hate him…I wish that I was d…/ I never finished…the darkness had completely devoured me.

Little did he know that his words and slipped through the link…little did he know that his wish was heard.

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A/N: Contact me if you need language translation help. I think most of the words were very basic. Leave a review!