Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Redemption ❯ Struggling Through ( Chapter 31 )

AN: Okay guys, time for the really long and involved apology. I know this is late veeeeeery late. I beg your forgiveness and patience. The story is not forgotten or abandoned, but I find it very hard to write anything of substance with half a brain. To explain, for those of you who do not know, I am pregnant, veeeeeeeery pregnant, roughly the size of a house at almost 17 weeks along. It takes an awful lot of energy and therefore time from me, but worse, it also takes a lot of my brain power away. I am now clumsy, forgetful, and I swear the baby ate my muse and my inspiration. I am however soldiering on through this story, determined to finish it, so watch this space and stay with me, still got things to do before this ends…

 

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Ryou's recovery was hard. He was still in the hospital a month after the accident. He had gone through the surgery to piece back together his shattered skull, and he was lamenting the loss of his long hair. They had been forced to shave it away entirely from part of his head, and in an attempt to give him something easier to manage when he was recovering, in a brace so he could barely move, the rest of his hair had been shorn off at the neck. He was pretty certain that was to be of more help to the nurses than anything, but he did not begrudge it. His friends were visiting daily, but the absence of Bakura in his life left a gaping hole that he didn't know how to handle. He knew they would meet again, that it was not forever, but it still hurt.

 

The others did not understand how he could be so forgiving now that he Bakura had disappeared. But his friends were all suffering too. Joey, in a way, had it easiest because after the spat he'd had with Seto, the fact that when he had got back from the hospital his lodger's things were gone, and the spare keys were on the table, just did not hurt so much. Yugi, while disappointed, was handling that Yami was not returning his calls well enough, Ryou was more important, and things had not progressed far enough between them for it to really matter anyway. It was Malik who was really struggling with the loss of Marik. Sure they had never said this was permanent, and yes, Marik had sounded heartbroken himself as he called to say that he wouldn't be able to make it to Domino anymore, work was demanding his time and it would be impossible.

 

It was hard to see Malik upset, though the Egyptian was putting on a brave face for him. He knew what was going on, and the knowledge was actually quite hard to bear. In the hours where he lay alone, staring at the ceiling, visiting hours over, he debated whether to tell them, and what to tell them if he did. It was a hard choice, they may not believe him, and they may brush him off saying he was sick. But Malik shouldn't have to be in this much pain. He just didn't know if he would be making things worse if he said anything. As much as it eased his heart to know the truth, to know Bakura was waiting for him, the knowledge was also a burden, a leaden weight on his heart. It left him with difficult choices, decisions he didn't know if he could make.

 

He had tried to console his friends, saying that he was certain that the others hadn't wanted to go like they had, with all the suddenness and with so little word. They had agreed, but he could see in their eyes that was just to placate him, thinking him kind, especially so after everything he had been through. But they were all glad that they still had Ryou. They had all voiced what a rat they thought Bakura was for running out on Ryou at a time like this, only to be surprised when their friend had rounded on them with surprising ferocity. Ryou had refused utterly to hear a bad word spoken against Bakura, had them thrown out, and that was after a verbal tirade they would have never thought him capable of, even if he hadn't been bedridden with a broken skull. That last part had made it even more remarkable in their minds.

 

In his hands he held the feather that Bakura had left behind. It grounded him, somehow gave him peace in these moments, the times when he was utterly alone, unable to sleep, despairing at his inability to move or do anything, not being able to explain the truth to his friends. It was then that he missed Bakura the most, but was comforted knowing that he was watching and waiting, and their time would come again. He was probably going to have wings of his own one day, but that seemed so very far away. But he would not forget his promise; he would live his life to the full, or as full as it could be without Bakura in it.

 

~*~*~*~*~*~

 

Three months after his accident his skull had mended, and after endless hours of pain and physiotherapy he could walk again. Okay it was not very far and it exhausted him, but he was finally deemed ready to leave the hospital as long as he had someone to care for him. Malik had been the one to step in there. It was a surprise, but Ryou suspected that it was because he had never quite gotten over the loss of Marik and needed the distraction after his sudden unexplained disappearance out of his life. His friend had become quieter since his disappearance, and it hurt to see him like that. And it was true that he and his sister had the room, and it meant that when one was out, the other could be with him, or at least close should he need anything. They would be best suited to help him through the rest of his recovery, or at least until he was well enough to go home again.

 

But settling in with Malik was hard. He held a lot of guilt about being the only one who truly knew what had happened. Seeing just how much of the light that was in his friend had now dimmed he found himself coming round to a decision. He might just get away with it given that Malik's belief system was barely existent. Sure he swore often enough on the names of gods from an ancient civilisation, but he only loosely believed in it. And as it wasn't a Christian belief system he might just get away with this. Malik could be surprisingly open minded, and he was going to need to be to believe a word of what he was going to tell him. But it had taken him a week or two to build up the courage to tell him, and the energy in fact. It was such a strain doing anything anymore. But he got there day by day.

 

So one morning, mind set on what he was about to do, he asked Malik to join him while Ishizu was at work. Well they were going to need some privacy for this. As they sat in the living room he was nervous, Malik looking at him worriedly.

 

“What is it Ryou?” he asked concerned for his friend's wellbeing.

 

Ryou sighed heavily.

 

“I've been sitting on this for a long time Malik, thinking that no-one would believe me. But I just can't watch you be so upset. I've known all along why Bakura, Marik and the others disappeared after the accident, but it's going to be very hard to swallow. If I hadn't seen every moment of it I wouldn't believe it myself, it's so fantastical.”

 

Malik sat back, curious as to what Ryou was talking about, and more than a little concerned by what he was saying.

 

“How could you know? I mean you were unconscious, well actually they told us you were brain dead. It's a miracle we have you with us at all.”

 

Ryou nodded gravely.

 

“I know, I know only too well,” he said with such seriousness that Malik was about ready to believe him. “You know my feather?”

 

Malik nodded, Ryou had it in his room. It was a worrying thing though he would not be parted from it, but the bloody thing was an impossibility. It didn't belong to any bird in existence and there was no way that it could have gotten into Ryou's hand. It was a perturbing mystery to say the least.

 

“When you asked I said that it belonged to my angel.”

 

“Yes,” Malik said gravely, not sure he was liking where this was going.

 

“Well I meant it, literally.” Ryou took a deep breath bracing himself for this. “You see, Bakura, Marik, Seto and Yami aren't of this world. We all just got caught up in something bigger.”

 

“Not of this world?” Malik plainly did not believe him.

 

“Please Malik, just hear me out. If you can just trust me, then there might be a way you can see Marik again.”

 

The words had an immediate effect, capturing Malik's attention in an instant and Ryou knew he was doing the right thing. If he reacted so fiercely to the idea then he had to give Malik this lifeline.

 

“This may not be easy for you to hear, but angels, Daemons, even God exists. I found this out when I was in the hospital, when I was dead.”

 

Oh God, saying that last part was so difficult and Malik's look was starting to look disbelieving again, but Malik sighed and resolved to hear Ryou out. True or not, it looked like his friend needed to say this.

 

“I did die, and my soul did leave my body. I know because I got to look at myself lying there after everything was over. I saw all of you, how frightened you were.”

 

Malik felt his blood run cold, there was no way that Ryou could know that, he really couldn't, it wasn't possible… unless what he is saying is true… He batted away the thought, it made no sense, though he got this gut feeling he just didn't understand.

 

“Any way, I'm getting out of order and in knots. Bakura is an angel, that feather is one of his, he left it for me. He… he's been on earth a very long time, thousands of years, as punishment. Our paths just happened to cross. Marik…” oh how did he say this to his friend? “Marik's been watching out for Bakura, it's been his job, part of what he does. Because of that he's been hanging around as Bakura and I got close, and… well he got involved with you too. He… he told me before I came back that he didn't want to leave you like this, but now Bakura has found his way back home, he's not allowed to come to earth anymore. He never wanted to hurt you.”

 

Silence stretched out between them, Ryou feeling that his explanation was so weak, but just how did you say these things, how could you be believed? It sounded fantastical to his own ears and he knew it was the truth.

 

“It's quite some story Ryou,” Malik said softly, obviously trying to be tactful and kind.

 

But that was just the wrong thing for Malik to do, and it seriously wound Ryou up. He was sick and tired of being treated like a baby because he was recovering, and this was just the final straw.

 

“It's not just some story!” he snapped with that same fierceness he had when he was angry. “Just because I have had a head injury doesn't mean I'm now funny in the head, that I hallucinate or anything, you've had more damned reports from the doctors than I have, you know damned well that I have a clean bill of health in that regard. So why the sudden disdain? When have I ever lied to you? When have I ever done anything so spiteful as to do something like this to you? I am telling you the truth because I can't stand to see you hurting, even at the risk of being called crazy. And unlike me, if you could just believe me, then you might get to see Marik, which is more than I can have!”

 

Ryou was shocked to find himself close to tears at the end of his rant, though as he looked up to see Malik looking confused and stunned by his outburst he felt a little smug satisfaction. Though he flopped back in his chair suddenly worn out. Damn his recovery was so slow, everything took so much out of him. He let his anger go, not having the energy to maintain it.

 

“Look Malik, you'll just have to trust me on this, humour me a little, suspend your disbelief and give yourself the chance. I don't know if it can make you happy again, but it could get you an explanation, set your mind at rest. You deserve the truth,” he said softly.

 

Malik was trying to stop himself from trembling. He was frightened, mostly because he wanted to believe Ryou so much, wanted there to be a way for him to know the truth, to know how Marik really had felt about him, why he had gone. But the story was so fantastical it couldn't possibly be true, could it? He guessed the only way was to put trust in his oldest friend.

 

“So what's so different about Marik that I might be able to see him?” He asked, careful to keep his tone serious.

 

Ryou sighed, well this was not going to be easy now was it, he was having enough trouble getting Malik to swallow this much, but he had started down this road and there really was no going back.

 

“I said earlier that that angels and Daemons exist right? Well Bakura is an angel, and Marik… well Marik is a Daemon and so is Yami. But Daemons aren't bad or evil or anything like this. They started as angels too, but there was this big battle and…” Okay, slow down Ryou, you are actually losing him now. “The point is that Marik is a Daemon, and they do their work on earth, and… they can be summoned.”

 

Malik massaged the bridge of his nose in consternation, he didn't know how he should be handling this. Ryou had a point, he had a clean bill of health mentally when he left the hospital, and he evidently believed every word that he was saying, the only problem was that it couldn't possibly be true, it made absolutely no sense. Should he be humouring Ryou as the story got only more fantastical or should he challenge him? It also didn't help that this did stab at his heart. He missed Marik more than he cared to admit. Pretty stupid considering there had been no big declarations of love or affection, no commitments made between them, no expectations… and still he had felt so lost when he had disappeared. It had just felt… right. He couldn't explain it.

 

When he was with Marik he felt complete, like whatever had been missing in his life was finally there. It had been a hard blow to realise that he was in love, and had never told him. He had asked himself so many times, would Marik have stayed if he had told him? But then again it may have sent him running sooner, that would have been just his luck. He couldn't help the burning resentment he felt towards Bakura as Ryou spoke of him as an angel, when said `angel' had disappeared and Marik had obviously gone with him. Part of him said there was some sense to Ryou's story, that if Marik had been looking out for Bakura, when Bakura had to go so did Marik, but that only added to his bitterness in the end, Bakura becoming the scapegoat for his upset and frustration. But he couldn't tell Ryou this, not when he was obviously struggling, though what with was the question. Was he having a breakdown now, when after so long he had been alright?

 

"So Bakura is an angel and Marik is a Daemon, as in those guys who run hell?"

 

While his own belief systems were seen as outdated, believing in the ancient Egyptian gods as he did, he was well aware of the belief system of his friends and peers. He'd had enough idiots knocking on his door trying to shove their religion down his throat to know the basics at the very least.

 

"Very convenient Ry', that Bakura gets to be the good guy and Marik the bad one."

 

Ryou shook his head. "That's not it, it really isn't, Daemons aren't bad at all, they do so much good in this world, if admittedly by an unusual route. They are angels too, born angels anyway."

 

But his voice and protest sounded weak in his own ears, he was aware that Malik wasn't buying this. He couldn't make Malik believe it as much as he wanted to, and was beginning to regret having said anything. Now Malik was going to think he was not right in the head and this was going to cause problems the likes of which he couldn't even describe. But he knew he had done the right thing. If he could have brought his friend some ease it would have been wonderful, and he had to try, he wouldn't have been able to rest easy otherwise.

 

He sighed heavily, getting up laboriously.

 

"I'm tired, I'll go to bed for a while," he said weakly.

 

Though as he went to head upstairs he had to try one last thing, and paused in the doorway.

 

"You know, summoning isn't all that hard. You just need to want to see the Daemon with all your heart, really want it, and then speak his name."

 

His words were soft, full of remorse and the upset he felt at not being able to help, and they cut Malik to the core. But Ryou was gone to rest and Malik was left alone, feeling confused and for some reason upset. Though why that was he was unsure. He didn't move for a long time, just sat there thinking it over, Ryou's words going around and around in his mind no matter what he did. A big part of him didn't want to believe his friend, it was just too fantastical, it really was. And yet, even with that, hope was flaring in his heart and would not be ignored. It couldn't be true, it couldn't, and yet some little part of him was begging for it to be real, that he could reach out and touch.

 

He wasn't aware of consciously doing it, his heart simply ached for Marik so damned much, and after Ryou's words, his lover's name fell from his lips in a breathy whisper, unheard by his own ears.

 

"About time lover."

 

Malik froze, his blood running cold. He had been sat with his forehead leant against a supporting hand and his eyes closed. But that voice! There was no-one else it could be. But it couldn't be, just couldn't be real, right? It was just a figment of his imagination, a hallucination brought on by his high emotions and Ryou's story. He was afraid to open his eyes, frightened of what, or who he might see, that this might actually be real. But there was no avoiding doing it, and had he been watching himself, he might have hated the desperate hope that was in his eyes as he did.

 

Sat in the armchair opposite, having arrived without a sound, was none other than his lover who had disappeared without so much as a word that he was going, leaving him in pieces. Funny that, Ryou was the romantic one, huge epic romance with Bakura and all that, had a huge accident trying to stop Bakura from being shot. Bakura had disappeared and Ryou was positively serene about it, while he was slowly falling apart. Why did his life make no sense? Well it made no more sense than the apparition in the chair opposite did. Said apparition was seemingly content to wait for him to wrap his mind round the idea.

 

He seemed to move without realising it, on his feet and crossing the distance between them on autopilot. Marik held his gaze as Malik couldn't tear his eyes away. A shaky hand reached out to Marik's scarred cheek, trembling as contact was made, barely able to believe that this was real, that Marik was here. Marik dared to smile softly, he had missed Malik just as much as the human missed him. A loud crack broke the silence between them as flesh met flesh with bruising force.

 

"You never even called!"

 

Marik had to brush off the extreme absurdity of the situation. A disbelieving Malik had accidentally summoned him - and by God he had been wanting to be summoned for so damned long - and although he hadn't yet squared away the fact that all Ryou had said was true, that knowledge hadn't sunk in yet in his shock, he had however established that Marik was no hallucination, and bitch slapped him so hard the Daemon was actually seeing stars. Well he had expected the youth to be angry...

 

“Damn it kid, you have one hell of a right arm!”

 

But as he looked at Malik who was shaking, upset and completely overwhelmed, there was only one thing to do. He got up and took him into his arms pulling him tight against him. Malik tucked his face into Marik's neck and began to sob. He was angry, upset, confused and utterly overcome by it all, seeing him for the first time in months, and he couldn't help but let it all go in a rush, it was either that or go mad. Marik just weathered it, his own throat tight with emotion as Malik's heartfelt sobs tore into him. So much sadness, so much grief, and he had caused him this. It hurt to see, but it was his cross to bear. This was his fault and so he would see this through to the end. Marik let Malik cry it out, get all of that emotion off his chest, and Hell's Gates the youth had been carrying a lot. But eventually he calmed and Marik thought it best he spoke.

 

“You have to know, I didn't want it to be like this, to just disappear. I doubt it helps to say that simply my task was over and I was summoned back to Hell.”

 

Malik swallowed hard and pushed out of the strong arms he had positively ached to feel again, almost fearfully looking up at his lover.

 

“So what Ryou said…”

 

“It's true, every word kid, though he could have done a more thorough job of explaining it. Can't blame him though, it's a rotten thing to have to do.”

 

“So… you're a Daemon?”

 

The word felt strange in his mouth, though it had to be said if he was ever going to get used to the idea. After all, there was no denying that Marik had just turned up, and he had, somehow, summoned him.

 

Marik nodded slowly, though now they were on the subject of coming clean, he might as well tell him the whole truth.

 

“Not just any Daemon,” he said softly.

 

He inwardly winced at the look on his lover's face, the confusion, the desperate want to understand, and the warring parts of him that wanted this to both be real and a dream. Oh this was not going to be pretty. He knew of the other's beliefs and so went with that.

 

“In your religion I encompass Anubis and Seth best I suppose, though there is no direct comparison.”

 

He held his breath while the wheels turned in Malik's mind and he worked it out. The emotions that flashed across those extraordinary eyes were right across the spectrum, though the eventual outburst came as a surprise.

 

“Why didn't you tell me?” was the angry demand that came.

 

Marik couldn't help himself and laughed, it was a little preposterous, and, to be frank, a little cute too.

 

“What was I supposed to say? Hang on, before I jump into your pants, you ought to know I'm not even human and you are about to fuck the Devil himself. I am sure that would have gone down very well, and would you have believed me?”

 

Malik visibly deflated from his anger.

 

“No, no I wouldn't.” He collapsed back into his chair again, head in his hands with a heartfelt sigh. “It's… it's a lot to take in.”

 

Marik nodded solemnly.

 

“I know kid, I wish things could be different, but even I have to obey orders.”

 

Malik swallowed hard.

 

“So you can come if I summon you?”

 

“Yeah, though I can't stay long. It's not something we can abuse, or that will be stopped too. So now and again, to touch base and all that. Not that I don't know what's going on with you.”

 

“You… you watch me?”

 

“Of course I do kid, I'm rather fond of you,” he replied with a smirk. “Same as Bakura watches Ryou.”

 

Malik ran his fingers through his hair, slowly grasping all this.

 

“How is Bakura?”

 

“Fucking miserable, turned into a mopey bastard. But he's fine.” Marik chuckled.

 

The familiar sound of that gruff chuckle made the corners of Malik's mouth twitch into a small smile, the familiarity of it so welcome. But thinking about Bakura he now thought of the feather Ryou so prized, and tried to imagine the man with wings. Curiously he turned to Marik.

 

“So, do you… you know, have wings and stuff?”

 

Marik grinned.

 

“Great big black ones, don't ask for me to reveal them here, not really enough room indoors, but yeah. Though the goat legs are a fucking pain.”

 

Malik's eyes nearly bugged out at the very thought and the look was so funny.

 

“Seriously. You don't want to go round pissing God off I tell you, there are serious consequences. Bakura was banished to Earth for thousands of years.”

 

“And do you have…”

 

“The fucking pitchfork? Hell no, I don't know when I got tagged as owning a piece of crap like that, but I wouldn't be seen dead with one. I'll stick with the fire and brimstone thank you very fucking much.”

 

Malik blinked, shaking his head.

 

“This… this is something else.”

 

“You can say that again kid.” But it was his turn to sigh now. “Look, I can't stay long, and I'd like to say thanks to Ryou. It's a pretty brave thing he did telling you.”

 

Malik cringed a little at the thought.

 

“I shouldn't have given him such a hard time.”

 

“He won't blame you, it's not easy to swallow, but he saw it himself so he knows… he went through quite the mind fuck himself.”

 

Malik nodded.

 

“He's upstairs resting. He gets tired easy.”

 

Marik turned and left without saying anything else, leaving Malik reeling, and yet… he was happier. There was so much comfort knowing that Marik hadn't just left, that there was nothing wrong between them. But this… this was quite the barrier to get over.

 

Upstairs Ryou was just lying with his eyes closed, smiling softly to himself. He had heard Malik's outbursts and knew there was only one cause of them, and was happy for his friend. He certainly hoped that some of the depression Malik was in would lift as a result. And it would be nice to be able to talk about their situation freely, and not have people think he was crazy. It may remain just between the two of them, but it was a secret shared, and a burden eased. He turned as he heard a knock at the door, watching the door open to reveal Marik.

 

“Hey kid, thought I should say hi, and thanks,” the big Daemon shrugged.

 

Ryou smiled. “It was worth taking the chance if it made him happier.”

 

“I think it's going to screw with his head for a while, but I think he'll be happier for it. Anyway, I guess I don't need to tell you that Bakura misses you. He's a right mopey shit.”

 

Ryou chuckled.

 

“That's my Bakura, but our time will come. I wish it wasn't so far away, but it won't be forever, I can live with that.”

 

Marik smiled, a genuine smile of respect.

 

“Well you rest up kid, I can show myself out.”

 

“It's good to see you again Marik.”

 

“And you kid, I'll see you around.”

 

And with a wave the Daemon was heading back downstairs, Malik waiting for him at the bottom with hopeful eyes.

 

“Will I see you again?” he repeated the question he had asked that very first night they had met.

 

“If you call me you will, just… just don't abuse the privilege or we lose it, okay?”

 

Malik nodded, noticing the worry in his lover's voice at the thought, confirming that what he felt for the other was mutual, even if they didn't say it. Well he could certainly pick them, couldn't he? But they both knew this brief moment was over, that for now it would have to be enough for them both. But Marik was not content to leave it at that. He cupped Malik's face in his strong hands, pressing his lips to the youth's in a soft kiss that, though short and sweet, spoke of his love for the young one. Malik's eyes had drifted closed, melting into the kiss, having longed for the touch, the taste, anything of his lover. Then there seemed to be a sudden gust of wind and the contact was gone.

 

He opened his eyes again to find himself alone in the hall, more than a little confused, but somehow lighter in his heart. Somehow, he just knew, no matter how complicated the situation was, everything was going to be alright.