Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Redemption ❯ Missing You ( Chapter 33 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
AN:
And I actually managed to get an update to this out quickly, how good is that? As you might guess the story is winding up a bit now, so soon we shall have an ending and all will be revealed. So have patience and watch this space!
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Really and honestly, for human, angel and daemon alike, life was going on as it had before. Some were coping with it better than others but that was always going to be the case. Though certain things stood out of course. How could Duke's sudden fall be missed? He had spent quite a lot of his time in the media, and when the men in white coats came to take him away after he had been found a blubbering wreck on his office floor, there was plenty of media coverage. Ryou had turned off the TV at Malik's house not wanting to see it. As much as he didn't like Duke, had been hurt by him, and he'd shot Bakura, he really did not have the heart to see him in such a state. Of course it was all over the morning papers, he had been ranting as he went.
Malik currently had one of those papers open and was reading choice bits of the article out to Ryou.
“Says here he was raving about a man with a sword that flamed with blue fire that burned but didn't cut him, voices in his head that won't stop screaming… He's snapped that's for sure. I wonder why.”
Ryou wasn't wondering, Ryou had seen that sword before and knew who would have wielded it. He also knew why. Strangely the whole thing made him extremely uncomfortable. No, he was not blind to all that the man had done over the years, he wasn't, and knew that in a way Duke deserved what had happened, but it disturbed him. The reason that Duke had been punished in such a way was because of him and he wasn't sure he was okay with that. It seemed that Malik had noticed his slight upset over the matter as the paper was put away and his friend was sitting close to him.
“Okay, why the long face?”
Ryou sighed heavily, hands fidgeting in his lap.
“It was Seto, he has the sword, he uses it to punish angels… and people too by the look of it.”
Malik blinked, a little surprised, but he guessed it made sense.
“Okay, that I get, just about, but why does it have you down like this?”
“Duke got punished because of me, all that he's going through is because of me.” He said softly with regret.
Malik suppressed the sigh, oh boy, it was going to be like this now was it?
“Oh come on Ry', you know better than any of us just what a rat Duke is. If he didn't deserve it for all the things he's done to you over time then he sure as hell does for all of the other people he's hurt down the years. He's bad through and through and you know it. It's about bloody time he got his you know.”
“Don't say that!” Ryou pleaded, the thought making him feel worse.
Oh boy, what a thing to be touchy about. He gently laid a hand on Ryou's shoulder in comfort.
“Look, it's not like you wished for this to happen, you never asked anyone to do it, so this isn't your fault. If I have this right Seto wouldn't have done something like this without permission, which, if I haven't messed up the theology of this in my head, means this is what the big guy wanted for Duke, to pay for his crimes.”
Ryou knew his friend was right, it just… well it felt horrible knowing that he was the trigger for this. Although this was not his fault, he couldn't help but feel responsible. Even though he knew just what kind of man Duke was he wouldn't wish his fate on anyone. It seemed… so cruel. Yet he knew all of Bakura's story, and this was far less cruel than that had been. One thing was for sure, God did not mess around when it came to dishing out the punishments. It kind of made him nervous about his eventual ascension. Oh he wished Bakura was here to soothe him right now. He'd know what to say to make it alright again.
Malik sighed. “You are way too sensitive Ryou. Yeah it's pretty creepy when you know how it came about, but Duke is rotten to the core, at least… at least he can't hurt anyone anymore.”
Malik knew he was floundering, and Ryou… well he recognised that his friend was trying his best, he just couldn't quite understand how he felt, and he couldn't blame him for that. So he dragged up a smile to placate him and put the matter to the back of his mind for now.
“Yeah, I guess there is that.”
That seemed enough to hold Malik for now at least, his friend nodding, and getting up to do some chore or other. It was a funny time, Ryou now being strong enough to contemplate actually going home, though his friends had all insisted they would take turns to come round and check on him, help out with any tasks that were overwhelming him. He knew he was inordinately lucky, he had the best friends he could ever wish for, and yet… he still felt desperately lonely. He knew what was missing all too well, and there was nothing he could do to change that of course. But it didn't stop his heart from longing, wishing…
Oh Bakura I miss you…
~*~*~*~*~*~
While Ryou was getting on with life, quietly pining for the angel he loved, said angel was far less graceful about things. If asked his opinion on the matter, God would have said how amused he was that Bakura was behaving like a petulant child. Though he was getting on and doing what he should, it was the sulking that many found adorable on him. But not all. Akeifa was of course a regular visitor to the Heavens in his role as liaison between Heaven and Hell, and every time he saw Bakura he couldn't help but worry. While he wasn't happy about Bakura's evident glee after Duke had been rightfully punished, he had hoped that it might turn the tide with Bakura: but no such thing had happened, a few days later he was back to pining for Ryou. He wondered how the other angels stood for his behaviour.
To tell the truth it made his heart ache in an unfamiliar way. It actually pained him to see Bakura hurting like this. And while they had both moved on from each other, he found that his feelings for Bakura had changed little over the millennia, that he still cared deeply for him, still loved him, even if the form of that love had changed a little. And of course it was that love that had him worrying about him too. Today he was stood some distance away, watching with a heavy heart as Bakura, thinking he was not observed, tried not to cry. It was always like this: when he thought he was truly alone he had to fight down tears. The only time he'd seen Bakura cry before was at their punishment, and to see him like this, it tore at Akeifa's heart.
However, he was far more aware of his surroundings than Bakura was, and was not surprised when a hand rested gently on his shoulder, knowing who it was without turning.
“Why do you hurt so?” Came the soft question.
“Because he does. He's not meant to be like this. He was always so happy when he was here last, there was such joy in his heart. Now… he cannot seem to find any of that.”
“It's been a long time for him, it's going to take some adjusting to, maybe far longer than any of us can anticipate.”
“Gabriel, you know he's never going to be himself again until Ryou ascends. I can see that and if I can, then the Lord can too. I can't help but wonder what our Lord is thinking letting this go on.”
Gabriel chuckled.
“Careful, it was this kind of talk that led to the Battle of the Heavens. I don't think any of us is ready for a repeat of that.”
Akeifa smiled at the joke, glad that Gabriel was trying to lighten his mood. It was just hard to be happy when someone he cared about was in such obvious distress.
“I know, and I do not question his plan, Bakura will be reunited with Ryou in time and that's enough, I just… I find it hard to see him like this.”
“Of course you do, you love him, with the purity of an angel's heart. Bakura's feelings are far more complex. He is a changed angel, he is never going to be who he was when he left Heaven, and that is the honest truth. Though you are not the only one who would like to see how much of the old Bakura will shine through when he is happy again.”
Akeifa nodded, glad that what he was seeing was recognised by someone else, that Bakura's distress was not just being ignored.
“It wouldn't be so bad if he was the only one acting strangely, but he's not.”
“Really?” Gabriel's voice was curious, wondering what Akeifa could and would reveal.
“Well… he's far more subtle than Bakura, he just gets on with things, but Marik… when he thinks no-one is looking… well he's hurting too. I don't think even he realises just how attached he'd become to Malik. Sometimes… you will catch him brooding, obviously thinking of him. And he's gotten a touch forgetful… no that's not true, more like he's preoccupied. But it's there. Even Yami sulks on occasion.”
Gabriel mused on this information for a while. If this was the case then all of the four that had been down on earth for any amount of time during the recent playing out of events had been affected by it. Even Seto, though he hid it the best of them all, only those who knew him intimately would actually be able to see it. There was this faraway look in his eyes, as if thinking of someone, and it wasn't Kisara. They could hazard a guess at who it was, but he was definitely a changed man. He was more robotic in his tasks than was usual for even him, though if anyone attempted to ask him what was wrong they would be shot down in an instant. Gabriel personally thought that Seto didn't actually realise there was something going on with him, either that or he was refusing to admit it, which was just as likely in the scheme of things.
“So it's a wider problem.” Gabriel said softly.
Akeifa turned to look at him seriously, and Gabriel was obviously pondering something.
“What is on your mind?” He asked softly.
Gabriel just smiled warmly.
“Nothing to worry about my friend. Just thinking on a few things - after all, Heaven and Hell both have been different since these recent events. Quite something that one human has managed to inadvertently change the lives of five divine beings forever, and I think he has no clue about it either.”
Akeifa chuckled wryly.
“How could he? The workings of these two realms are beyond his comprehension, though of course, he will learn them in time. Heaven is to be his realm, an ascended angel. They are few and far between.”
Gabriel nodded in agreement.
“And Heaven is far richer for them. They,[Author ID1: at Sun Mar 8 10:43:00 2009 ] like Bakura,[Author ID1: at Sun Mar 8 10:43:00 2009 ] understand humanity far better than the rest of us do, they have lived mortal lives, been human. Though in Bakura's case he remains unique. None have had an experience quite like his.”
And that was kind of the point. Actually, all of the four involved in this recent saga had unique experiences, and it was affecting them all. Just as a pebble dropped in a pond causes ripples to spread across the smooth and unbroken surface of the water, these four were like pebbles in their realm, not realising how changed they were by what they had done, though some had changed more than others. It seemed the winds of change had come to the divine realms and no-one knew where they would blow them to, much like a leaf dancing in the breeze. A new era was coming, that much was certain, and with it whispers, the angels and Fallen alike not sure if they liked what was happening, nervousness and unrest starting to stir. Gabriel didn't think they were ready, that they needed time to get used to the idea, and he thought he knew how that could be arranged.
So when Akeifa had left he had remained looking at Bakura, contemplating things. He knew what he was about to ask of the Lord was unprecedented, and other angels and even the Fallen would think it madness, folly even. But somehow, somehow he suspected that the Lord would be expecting his impromptu visit.
~*~*~*~*~*~
The day was finally here. In some ways it was a joyous occasion, or at least it was for all his friends, and so many had come to help him out. Ryou was finally well enough to move back home, but it wasn't as simple as him carting his stuff back from Malik's. His friends, of course, were there to help out. His apartment had not been lived in for some time, and there were some pretty unpleasant cleaning tasks that had been neglected over the last few months. Unfortunately no-one had thought about the contents of his fridge, and some of the stuff in there… well it was unmentionable. So that was cleaned out and disinfected, the kitchen cupboards gone through, the place cleaned from top to bottom as it had gotten dusty, and with a big shop the place was stocked up again.
Now that his home was habitable again he could begin to settle back in, start to establish a routine again once more. He would begin to pick up shifts at the library, though it was on a strictly part time basis for the short term: he was on doctor's orders, but it would feel good to once again be earning a wage, paying his way, and hell, not eating into his savings like he had been to pay the mortgage. He knew that no matter what he did his friends would insist on helping him out for a while until they felt he was completely back on his own two feet. He was grateful to them, but he didn't think it would be long now till he was telling them to let him go and live his life again. He had managed on his own before and would do so again.
But all this aside, it was a good feeling to be back here, in the familiar, comfortable surroundings. It was progress. He was almost fully healed from the accident. Well now, that wasn't entirely true, was it? Because no matter how much his physical health improved after the impact with the car, there was this hole in his heart, something missing. Sure he knew what it was, and sure he knew he had to bide his time, it just didn't get any easier to do just that. But for now his friends were here with him, kind of having a little housewarming, and it was so good to have laughter and good company in this place. But he wasn't entirely with them, his thoughts on the one he loved, so far beyond his reach, and that did not go unnoticed. As he went to the kitchen to get himself another drink he found himself trailed by none other than Yugi.
“You miss him, huh?”
The softly asked question roused him from his thoughts. Turning to see Yugi in the doorway, Ryou sighed, smiling wryly.
“I guess it shows.”
Yugi nodded.
“Of course it does, but that's fine. I know it's silly but I miss Yami too. It's not like we saw that much of each other, we were just getting started you know, but he had an effect on me all the same.”
Ryou nodded and leaned against the worktop.
“I think we have all been affected by this. Malik obviously, Joey too.”
“And you know what's really strange?” Yugi asked, taking a swallow of the drink in his hand. “For some reason the whole daemon thing doesn't bother me.”
Ryou chuckled.
“It is strange, how none of us are bothered by what these guys are. And you should have seen them, those wings… even Yami's that aren't feathers, they're simply incredible.” He sighed, remembering seeing them all in Heaven, such a bittersweet memory. “It has to be seen to be believed.”
“I wish I could.” Yugi said with a startling amount of sincerity. “But I probably won't. I know… I know I could summon him, I just… I don't know what I would do if I did.”
Ryou placed a hand gently on Yugi's shoulder in comfort, making his small friend smile in gratitude.
“I don't think this is easy on any of us.” Ryou said softly. “We have all been changed by this. But we have each other right? It's amazing how much that is helping me.”
Yugi smiled.
“There is nothing quite like good friends.”
“I am very grateful to all of you, you've helped me through so much these past few months.”
“That's what friends are for Ryou. We know you would do the same for us if it happened to be us in your position.”
It was such a normal sentiment, but the bond between the four could not be denied, it was strong and had survived a lot. They all felt lucky for that. A companionable silence had fallen between the two for the moment as they both dwelled on their thoughts for a minute.
“You know what?” Yugi began, breaking it, “I just have this feeling that if Yami had not had to go, it could have worked, for a while at least.”
Ryou looked at his friend, understanding that no matter how short lived things had been between him and Yami he really had fallen for him. It had to be hard, he loved Bakura dearly and the separation killed him, it was all he could do not to let it get to him. And it seemed his friend felt the same thing on some level. Though he didn't get a chance to say anything as Yugi beat him to it.
“And what I don't understand is that I just know we will see them again. It's not just a vague feeling either. I know with absolute certainty that we will, yet that seems impossible. Maybe that's why I don't want to summon Yami, because I am just waiting for it to happen on its own.”
Ryou chuckled.
“It's as good a theory as any, and considering how crazy things have been, I am more than willing to believe you. I've had harder things to accept than that.”
“It's been crazy alright.” Yugi agreed. “Come on, let's get back in there before Joey and Malik wonder what we are doing in here.”
And so that was the end of that. Ryou smiled at his friend's retreating back. It seemed Yugi had needed to get that off his chest, but was still a little uncomfortable doing it. No matter, he had managed to do it, and he would be feeling better for it, he was feeling better for their conversation for that matter. But he did return to his friends now. They were good company, though eventually they did have to leave and he was left alone in the apartment.
It was a distinctly strange feeling. He found himself wandering from room to room, replaying memories of the last time he was here in his mind. Bakura coming in out of the rain, their passion, and just how good it had been. He found himself staring at the bed from the bedroom door. He knew he should just get to bed, sleep in it, but he was afraid. He was afraid that if he lay in that bed the heartache would get too strong to bear, that Bakura's scent would linger on the pillow and the bed would feel cold and empty without him. Silly really since he and Bakura had never actually spent the night together in it, but he could not change how he felt. Nor could he deny that he was tired, his stamina and energy still not all they were.
In the end he had found some blankets and pillows that didn't usually get used and set up camp on the sofa. He didn't know why he was doing this, other than to try not to feel so alone, to not miss Bakura terribly. He had been alright while his friends were here, but now he was on his own he just could not shake Bakura from his mind. He sighed heavily, wishing that he could make time move faster so that being with Bakura again was closer. As he lay staring at the ceiling waiting for sleep to claim him, he tried to hold on to what Yugi had said, but it was so hard. He had faith, he really did, he just… it was so far away. Feeling a little cross he rolled onto his side and tried to get comfortable. It was going to be a long night.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Up in Heaven, Ryou's plight did not go unnoticed. Bakura watched over him as he lay struggling to get to sleep. He wished he could be at Ryou's side, soothing and easing him into sleep, but he could not. Instead he watched over him just as he had promised, waiting for him to fall asleep so he could reach out to him in the only way he had left.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Eventually Ryou did succumb to sleep and therefore dreams. As he found himself in a white expanse he knew he was dreaming with far more certainty than he'd ever had before. Was this lucid dreaming, something he had only ever read about in the past? All of a sudden the sound of a piano floated to his ears, the music soft, a touch mournful even. Out of the white an indistinct silhouette appeared before him, just too far away to make out. But somehow their voice was easily heard, singing along to the sad song…
In my hand a legacy of memories
I can hear you say my name
I can hear you say my name
And in those two lines Ryou could understand what this dream was. His heart clenched in recognition, the soft clear voice speaking the words of his heart.
I can almost see your smile
Feel the warmth of your embrace
But there is nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?
Feel the warmth of your embrace
But there is nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?
Ryou jolted a little as a second voice, strong and resonant answered the first, a second silhouette shimmering into existence next to the first, reaching out to it.
Sweet darling you worry too much, my child
See the sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are
See the sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are
And now Ryou understood, even laughing a little. Bakura was such a damned romantic. But the song was not done, that softer voice rising again.
Never thought this day would come so soon
We had no time to say goodbye
How can the world just carry on?
I feel so lost when you are not by my side
But there's nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?
We had no time to say goodbye
How can the world just carry on?
I feel so lost when you are not by my side
But there's nothing but silence now
Around the one I loved
Is this our farewell?
Ryou sighed, Bakura saw right through him didn't he? The lyrics spoke the exact pain of his heart. But once again the second voice… Bakura's voice in this dream rose again in answer.
Sweet darling you worry too much, my child
See the sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are
See the sadness in your eyes
You are not alone in life
Although you might think that you are
The larger figure embraced the smaller, that strong voice continuing to sing.
So sorry your world is tumbling down
I will watch you through these nights
Rest your head and go to sleep
Because my child, this not our farewell.
I will watch you through these nights
Rest your head and go to sleep
Because my child, this not our farewell.
And the dream, began to fade, not that Ryou minded, feeling comforted by Bakura's gesture, knowing with utter certainty that Bakura was watching over him, and that… that calmed and eased his soul. As his sleep turned peaceful and deep as it should, the final refrain echoed in his mind.
This is not our farewell.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Bakura smiled as he felt Ryou calm, become at peace as he deserved and should be. It was a small gesture, silly really. But as Ryou smiled in his sleep his heart felt lighter than it had done since his return to Heaven. He breathed a contented sigh, feeling happy for the moment at least. He had been able to do something for Ryou. Sure Marik would probably accuse him of being a sappy git but he didn't care. It felt good, being able to do something so small.
His little act had not gone unmissed and he was being watched from the shadows by a pair of very amused eyes. As Bakura got up to stretch his wings he found himself caught in those eyes.
“Gabriel.” He said surprised. “I didn't see you there.”
The Right Hand of God shrugged.
“It does not matter.”
“What can I do for you?” Bakura asked automatically, though was curious.
There was something about Gabriel's demeanour that he couldn't quite place. The angel smiled at the scrutiny. He would see soon enough.
“Come with me.”
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AN:
All song lyrics belong to Within Temptation, I have merely borrowed and unfortunately do not own or make any profit out of borrowing them.