Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Slowly Sinking And No One To Save Me ❯ I'm Not Okay ( Chapter 5 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Mistres: ^___^ I'm so glad the lemon went over well with you guys. My first attempt and I was a little nervous. The Bakura Ryou action will come soon enough. Bakura just first has to realize how much he really loves Ryou and how much he is hurting him. This is a Ryou angst so it may take awhile. But don't worry they do end up together, happily ever after ending? Not so sure.

Oh and once again sorry for the late updates. I have three test grade projects/essays due tomorrow and I actually have to work on them. We have TAKS and Exams coming up either next week or the week after so updates will slow down.

A quick update on my stories. Perfect Dream to Perfect Nightmare has the newest chapter written but not typed. It's not very long and I plan on making edits. Common Ground, I have some of it written and now I just have to find a way to close the chapter. All my other stories are suffering from writers block. Gomen.

EDITED! EDITED! EDITED! EDITED! After first post!

Chapter 5: I'm not okay

You ask me how I am,

You ask me what's wrong,

You ask me if there is anything you can do,

But I'm okay

You check my fever,

You check my pulse,

You check everything but my heart,

But I'm okay

I laugh with you,

You wonder why it sounds forced,

I tell you I'm tired,

But I'm okay

I can feel you stare at me so I put on a smile,

I can tell that you want to talk to me but you won't dare come near,

I can see that you want to comfort me,

But I'm okay

I watch you from behind, laughing,

I watch you from the shadows, envying the love you share,

I watch you from the depths of my heart, silently crying,

I'M NOT OKAY…

I'm not okay…

But you'll never know…so for you…in front of everyone…I'm okay…even if I don't belive it…and I can tell neither do you…'cause in all truth…I'm not okay.

Ryou Bakura, 24/03/05(1)

From the peaceful atmosphere one would not suspect that a young boy was breaking apart from the turmoil that ruled his heart. Looking in to the window of Ryou's room you could see the young albino fidgeting in his blankets. No doubt replaying yesterdays events. The hikari had by no means chosen to spend the night in the bed that such painful memories had been made on but he had no other choice. Bakura had questioned him relentlessly and it would've made the spirit even more suspicious if he were to sleep on the couch or the floor. Surely the tomb robber would've caught on. So the broken boy had forced himself into his own bed, feeling dirty as the sheets rubbed against his pale skin. He had softly cried himself to sleep, muffling his sobs with a pillow as not to wake Bakura.

The said boy's eyes widened as he sprang up in bed panting. He closed his eyes and clasped his hands together, praying. He prayed that last nights events were all a dream and yet deep within his heart he knew it was not. He could, even though the two yami's and Malik had taken care to clean the room, smell his yami's scent on his bed as he pressed the sheets against his newly wet face. He hated himself, Ryou that is. As he cried his self hatred rose and his self respect, confidence, and courage seeped away like water in a strainer leaving behind dark thoughts that were too large and unclean. The young boy tensed as he heard a knock at his door.

“Ryou? Are you okay?” cam the muffled voice of his yami from behind the door.

“Y-yes, I'm fine Bakura-sama,” Ryou replied quickly, too quickly.

Ryou could feel Bakura's anger rising through the link the tomb robber had accidentally left slightly unguarded.

“Ryou, open the door, I'm coming in. I can tell by your voice that you're not okay,” Bakura says firmly.

“I'm fine Bakura-sama, really,” Ryou says while hurrying to his private bathroom.

Ryou heard Bakura slightly snarl and a flashback of the beatings that usually followed that snarl couldn't help but reemerge. Ryou cringed knowing that it had slipped past his barriers to Bakura. The ancient spirit stopped rattling the door and Ryou could faintly hear the sound of a lock being picked. The white haired hikari opened the door to his bathroom and locked it. He immediately turned the shower on. Calming down somewhat he heard Bakura's foot steps stop at the bathroom door.

“Hikari…” he whispers forlornly.

“I'm okay, there's nothing to be worried about,” Ryou calls close to tears again.

`He only cares `cause Yami said he would send Bakura to the shadow realm if something was wrong with me…it's because he has to take care of me, not because he wants to,' Ryou thought in his head as a fear tears managed to make their way down his cheek.

“If you say so…” the defeated voice of the tomb robber came through the wood.

Ryou allowed himself a small smile as the patter of Bakura's feet became faint and he heard the door being closed rather forcefully. He waited a few minutes to make sure that Bakura had truly left before breaking down into pathetic sobs. The shower successfully muffled out the sound of Ryou's crying. Shakily he stepped into the shower, relieved that the tears were not visible in the water.

Bakura walked down the stairs after Ryou had told him he was okay. The spirit knew Ryou was lying, after all he did not have the title King of Thieves for nothing. He dropped his gaze and plopped down on the couch. His hikari had been in this state ever since last night. Bakura cringed as he thought of the flash back Ryou had received when he was trying to get into his room. Totally lost he picked up the phone and from memory dialed the phone number of his two lovers. There was a beeping at the other end.

`What?' a rude voice snapped.

“Is that a way to great your lover Marik?” Bakura teased.

`Oh, hey Baku,” Marik replied his voice softening.

“Put me on speaker I need Malik to hear this too,” Bakura instructed.

`Okay, you're on speaker,'

`hey baku!'

“Hey Malik, but to the reason I called,”

`what is it? You're not hurt are you?'

“No no, I'm fine,” Bakura assured his lover, “it's Ryou I'm worried about.”

There was a pause at the other end of the line.

`What's wrong with him?'

Bakura knew Marik didn't really care for anyone but him and Malik and felt somewhat comforted that he had asked.

“Ever since last night when I came home he's been acting all weird. He won't look me in the eye and he doesn't let me talk to him other than via mind like. In addition to that he seems depressed,”

`Can I talk to him?'

“He's taking a shower'

At the other end of the line Malik frowned. What was wrong with the cute albino. Bakura could hear the two conversing.

`We'll come over in a few kay,'

`We can't stay long, only enough to talk to Ryou,'

“Okay well, you better hurry `cause he just finished his shower,” Bakura said as he hung up.

Hopefully the two psycho's knew what was plaguing his hikari's innocent mind. Minutes passed agonizingly slow as the white haired tomb robber waited for his lover. Ryou had yet to come down. The door bell rang startling him from his thoughts. He contemplated sending whoever it was to the shadow realm but remembered that Marik and Malik may be the ones at the door. The two were indeed the pair at the door. Malik rushed inside and up the stairs in a flash. The two yami's rolled their eyes and sighed.

Upstairs Ryou had now finished changing into a long sleeve black shirt, and for a good reason. He had accidentally dropped his razor and scratched his arm. The blood oozed out splattering onto the ceramic tile. Ryou watched in amazement, stunned by the life giving droplets. The next “scratch” was intentional however. The albino was now wearing a black long t-shirt and his jeans. A knocking reached his ears. Ryou walked to the door to his room and opened it to find Malik standing there. Marik nowhere to be seen. As he looked at his friend he couldn't help but feel sharp pains strike his heart.

“You okay Ryou?” he asked quickly.

Ryou almost felt like telling him the truth but there seemed no need.

“Of course I'm okay why wouldn't I be?” he asked perplexed.

He had one the young actors award not by chance.

“Uhm….because….well okay…” Malik sighed in defeat and walked own the stairs.

Ryou closed the door soft making sure to lock it as best he could. Ryou squeezed his eyes shut and willed the pain to go away. It returned again as he opened his soft brown orbs and saw his bed. He sighed and picked up a pen and his black notebook. He crawled onto his bed more tears threatening to spill. He sighed and opened his precious book and titled his poem ` I'm Not Okay'.

And I won't be going to school either,' he though removed of the world.

Mistress: So what did you think? # yawn # I need to go to sleep. Night!

I added a little variety with the small Bakura POV, how did it go? I haven't written much Ryou or Bakura ever so bare with me as I try and figure out how to not butcher the characters.

The New chapter will be coming in a few weeks at the max, sorry.

( inner self:…….I am such a lazy procrastinator)

Every Five Reviews should be an update. ( crosses fingers ) I hope.

(1)A new poem! Cheesy as hell but it's a poem, did you know I wrote a deppresing/sad poem about a jar? A JAR FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! The format (for Creative Constructions) was to write a poem about how we were going to bring out jar in or something, Here it is:

The jar that once was filled,
the revolting goo now killed,

Washed as pure as it could be,
although stains remain I can not see,

Safely placed in a soft bad with heed,
make sure not to break it or the crytsal will make you bleed.

I need help and I know it. How much are phsychiatrists(sp?) nowadays charging?