Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The HUGE Sleepover ❯ Suck and Blow and Kaiba's Imposition ( Chapter 7 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Note: Atemu will now be called Yami for Buddha-knows-why.

Chapter Seven, Suck and Blow and Kaiba's imposition

(Suck/Blow)

“Okay,” Mokuba smiled at everyone, “you have to pass the piece of paper with your mouth to the person next to you without dropping it. You can't use your hands or, uh...Any other part of your body except your mouth. Is everyone ready?”

“No!” Bakura snapped. “I don't want my face getting close to this wench's!” Bakura pointed at Anzu accidentally in the chest.

“OW! THAT HURT, YOU PERV!”

“(X.X) Th-that was an accident...” He sputtered out, swallowing the lump in his throat.

“( ) PERVERT ALERT!” Mai cried out, pointing accusingly at Bakura, who sweat dropped.

“It was an accident! Well, the poking her there part, but not that pointing part. I don't wanna eat paper with her!”

(oO?)

“Oro?” Jou said blankly.

“(-.-) Jou...” Mai sighed. “Listen, I know this is hard to believe...But you are not Kenshin, no matter how totally cute you are!”

“Aww!” The girls said with grins.

“That's sickening,” almost all the guys declared.

“You're just jealous,” Isis told Marik, who blinked.

“Me? Jealous? As if!”

“You are and you know it!”

“(X.X) What the hell am I jealous of? Please, tell me, I'd love to know!”

“You're jealous of the love that holds Bakura and Anzu together and you wish that you had such a close relationship with Anzu,” Isis declared, her hands clasped and her eyes shining.

(O.O'')

“(OO) What in the hell?”

“YEAH!” All the girls, excluding Anzu, agreed.

“You're just afraid of us women, the ALMIGHTY UTERUS!” Mai declared, pointing at Marik, who looked morally freaked out by then.

“(oO) Hey,” Yuugi nudged Yami. “I forget...What a uterus?”

“(o.o)….……...”

“ALL RIGHT,” Mokuba shouted, “IT'S TIME FOR THE GAME, SO STOP STALLING, MWAHAHA!” They all blinked as he jumped in front of a window and lightning danced behind him.

(OO)

“Ahem, so...” Mokuba held up a piece of paper. “Here's the piece.” He handed it to his brother, who happily took it, casting a sly look at Isis, who was still intent on making Marik and Anzu come together.

I shall have my brother and Anzu together in no time. Destiny has told me they belong to each other! She thought to herself.

“All right, let's get this party started!”

Kaiba felt his face go warm as he bent towards Isis and she took the paper, blushing, before passing around.

Damn, damn, damn! Mazaki's probably going to glare and spit in my face when she has to give me the paper...(o.o) Oh, hell...That can't be good. Bakura glanced at Anzu and was quite scared to find her grinning maliciously, her eyes glinting. (OO) I want to go home……

Finally, the piece of paper came to Anzu from Jou and she took it, before she turned to Bakura. Jou, however, was goofing around with Honda and he accidentally bumped her, which made her go straight into Bakura, who had just gotten a hold of the paper.

(OO, gasp!)

“NOOO!” Yami yowled, falling to the ground in despair. “WHY, ANZU, WHY?”

“(o.o)...See? I told you Bakura and her make a better couple,” Marik pointed out. Bakura shoved away from Anzu, hacking up the paper that had gotten lodged in his throat.

“DAMN YOU, JOUNOUCHI!” He roared, lunging at Jou and beating the crap out of him. “WHO - DO - YOU - THINK - YOU - ARE - YOU - SON - OF - A - BASTARD!”

“Say, is it just me or is Bakura angry?” Honda asked curiously, looking at everyone.

“(-.-) Gee,” Kaiba muttered, “how'd you find that out, Hiroto? Was it the fact that he was beating the shit out of the dog or because he was screaming at the top of his lung? Please, tell us, Hiroto, how did you find out he was angry?”

“Well,” Honda suddenly drew out a graph that was labeled `Bakura's Anger'. “You see, I've been recording every characteristic of Bakura's when he gets angry. You can see that 20 percent of the time, he yells - ” he pointed at the part in the pie graph where it said yelling and had a picture of a head with a mouth and sharp teeth. “ - and 40 percent of the time he beats someone up - ” Honda then pointed to a part where there was a fist and an evil smile. “ - and then the last 40 percent is labeled `Other' because he either sends them to the Shadow Realm, threatens them, locks them in a closet and forgets about them or he feeds them to a Duel Monster. Any questions?”

(oO'''')

“What the hell are we? - your class?” Marik demanded with a glare.

“(o.o) I dunno, are you?”

“Hey, um...Shouldn't we do something about Bakura and Jou?” Ryou asked uncertainly.

“We probably should,” Yami agreed.

(Silence)

“...Or we can make some popcorn and watch.”

“No!” Mai and Shizuka both yelped. Shizuka gave a suspicious look to Mai, who cleared her throat and blushed. “I mean...No, that wouldn't be humane!”

(-.-)

“Okay, let's separate them, then,” Isis said, moving forward and gesturing to the others. It took most of them to get Bakura off of Jou, but maybe one person to get Jou away from Bakura.

(Later)

“Apparently we're going to change games...” Mokuba muttered.

“Can we eat first? I'm starving!” Jou whined, nursing his black eye.

“(X.X) YOU JUST ATE!”

“But I'm hungry...” He sniffled, looking at Mokuba with a pitiful expression.

“Well...” He sighed. “I guess it wouldn't hurt. So, let's order out. What can of pizza?”

“OOH! I want a pepperoni, olive, chocolate, banana, tomato, sausage, vanilla, mushroom, cheese, anchovy, lettuce, and sardine pizza!” Jou announced. Everyone was looking at him with a disgusted expression, except Honda, who was looking thoughtful.

“That's disgusting!” Honda admitted after awhile.

“How about I get two cheeses, two pepperoni and olives, two anchovies, two Hawaiians, two combos, and two Mexicans?”

“Mokuba, just where are you going to get all that money?” Kaiba demanded of him, narrowing his eyes. His little brother turned to him with big, shiny eyes and a large grin.

“Your wallet? All you have to do is look away for a second or two.”

“(-.-) How about I not and you use your own allowance?”

“(;.;) But big brother!” Mokuba whined, falling to the ground with teary eyes. “I don't have any money! I spent it on How To Learn To Get What You Want magazine subscription for four years!”

“(o.o)...Fine, but this is the last time I give you anything, Mokuba, got it?”

“Oh, thank you, Seto!” Yeah, that's what you think! I'll get whatever I want, bwahaha! “So, who wants to order?”

“ME!” Marik and Yami announced, then they stared - or rather glared - at each other. “MEMEMEMMEMEMEMEME.”

“You both can. The pizza place is on the second speed dial. You can't miss it.”

“Right,” both left to the kitchen and went to the phone. There was a huge neon sign pointing to the second speed dial that had the phone number in large, bold print. Now I wonder which one it is? Both thought to themselves.

“All right,” Marik said, “I know which it is.” He pressed one and put the phone to his ear.

“Hey, Kaiba, I've been wondering if you would call,” a woman's voice purred.

“(OO)...” Marik blinked and then cleared his throat so it sounded like Kaiba's. “Yeah, I know, I've missed you baby.”

“(Oo'')” Is he saying this to the pizza place? Yami thought to himself.

“I've wanted to kiss and lick you all over, especially - ” Marik's eyes popped open, which made Yami grow suspicious. He looked at the speed dials and looked at the neon sign thoughtfully. He hung up the phone, which made Marik wail.

”WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM, PHARAOH?”

“Well, I don't appreciate you flirting with the pizza place, especially when I'm standing right here!” Yami roared.

“WHAT?”

“YOU NEVER HAVE ANY RESPECT FOR ME, MARIK! I'M A PERSON TO, YOU KNOW, I AM A PERSON!”

“(X.X) What the hell are you talking about?”

“ME! ME, MARIK, ME! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I'M SOMEONE, TOO?”

Oh, boy... Marik rubbed his face wearily. Why can't he just shut up? It's no wonder he doesn't have a girlfriend...

“Move it,” Yami shoved him away, sniffing. He pressed the right pizza button.

“Hello, Domino's Pizza, what can we do for you today?”

“You'll do anything?” Yami asked, blinking in surprise. Wow, pizza places are a lot better these days.

“(o.o) Um...Well - ”

“Cos I'm almost out of my yearly supply of hair gel. Damn thing. It only lasted about a month.”

“(X.X) We're just a pizza place. If it involves pizza, we're all over it.”

“(oO) All...over it?”

“Uh, listen sir,” the man said, “do you have a delivery or what?”

“Oh, yeah. Um, let's see...Two cheeses, two pepperoni and olives, two Hawaiians, two Mexicans, two combos, two anchovies and...That's it.”

“(OO) Okay, that'll be...81.76.”

“All right and just bring it to the Kaiba Mansion.”

“(OO''') This is Seto Kaiba?”

“You better believe it, bitch!”

“(X.X) I'm so sorry, Mr. Kaiba, we'll be right over there!” He hung up and Yami did as well, smirking in satisfaction.

Oh yeah!

“Well, is the pizza coming?” Marik demanded.

“Yep.”

“Good, now go away, I have to make a private call.” Marik shoved Yami out of the kitchen.

“Rude,” Yami muttered, leaving towards the family room. With Marik, he was listening to the phone, until a voice came on:

“Kaiba, why'd you hang up on me?”

I hope neither of those idiots saw my Lover-of-Sexy-Barbie speed dial...If they did, they're going to be the one speaking to the hot machine and not me! Kaiba thought, glancing around. Yami entered and smiled at them.

“The pizza is on it's way.”

“YES! OH YEAH! THAT'S GOOD! YEAH, BABY, YEAH!”

They all stared at Jou, who was rolling on the ground in happiness.

“Maybe...Maybe he's a little too happy...” Malik commented, moving as far as way as possible from Jou.

“Where's the other moron, anyway, Yami?” Kaiba demanded.

“Well, he was flirting with the pizza place earlier, so he's probably doing it again.”

(o.o) Uh-oh.

“Kaiba, you all right? You don't look so - ” Kaiba zoomed out of the room, smashing Yami into the wall. “ - good...”

Kaiba peeked in the kitchen and frowned, seeing that Marik was no where to be seen, but the phone cord...He followed it, until it led to the bathroom. He frowned, then slammed the door open.

“HA!” He pointed at Marik, then let out a shout, “WHAT THE HELL?” and slammed the door hastily. He took in rapid breaths, trying to steady his breathing. His eyes were wide and he heard Marik shouting at him in Arabic with embarrassment and anger. You saw nothing, Kaiba, nothing! He assured himself, then rubbed his arms, muttering, “Bunnies and kittens, bunnies and kittens.”

“So, then the bakers says to the customer, that's not a overgrown watermelon, that's my wife! Get it?” They all just stared at Jou, who had, despite his black eye and bruises, recovered.

“Do you know how many times you've told that joke, mutt?” Bakura muttered, one of his eyes twitching.

“Hold on, I know this one. One, two...three, four, five...six...seven...”

“(-.-) It's gonna be awhile,” Mai commented, putting her chin in her hand. Kaiba peeked around the corner and recomposed himself, looking like the cool CEO that he most assuredly was. He walked out, casual as ever. Yuugi glanced at him and stared for a long time as Kaiba sat down.

“Kaiba, what's wrong?” He asked, even though Kaiba was acting like himself.

What the hell is wrong with that midget? Does he have ESP or something? Damn! I bet that Zoloft-loving shorty DOES have ESP! Shit! Kaiba felt a sweat break out and then he heard a slam and knew it was Marik. He flinched, feeling the dark gaze on his neck. Malik blinked and gave a curious look to Marik.

“What's wrong Marik?”

“Kaiba...” Marik growled, his left cheek twitching madly. “DO YOU NOT KNOW THE TERM `PRIVACY'? HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THE CONCEPT OF KNOCKING BEFORE ENTERING? EH, BIG SHOT CEO?”

“I was just checking on you! Is it so hard to believe that I can be a good host?” Kaiba snapped at him.

(-.-)

“...I take that back,” he muttered, seeing everyone's facial expression. “BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT!”

“THE HELL IT ISN'T!”

“WELL WHY WERE YOU DOING WHAT YOU WERE DOING?”

“WHY DID YOU HAVE A SEXY BARBIE ON SPEED DIAL?”

(X.X)

“I would prefer not to disclose that information at the moment...” Kaiba muttered to himself.

“ENOUGH!” Mokuba jumped up, having a sombrero on his head. He wobbled from the weight, then cleared his throat. “A car pulled in, I think that's the pizza.” Yami beamed and he darted for the door, closely followed by Mokuba and Marik. The three looked at each other, then at Kaiba, who was coming at a slow pace, digging for his checkbook. Yami opened the door and the pizza...person glanced at them.

“What...? Oh my Ra,” Yami backed away and then ran away screaming, only to fall and smash into the ground, passing out.

“(oO) You know what? That's very insulting!” Weevil Underwood told them matter-of-factly. The thing was, Weevil was wearing a blonde wig, had high heels on, and it appeared that this bug-loving male had gotten in touch with his feminine side. \

“Tell me, cross-dresser, what the hell are you doing working for Domino's?” Marik demanded of him, giving him a disgusted look.

“Seto, I'm frightened!” Mokuba whined, hiding behind his brother.

“BASTARDS!” Weevil suddenly screamed, then he blinked, looking normal. “I dunno, I just really - MOTHER (BLEEP) - like pizza and I meet new - JACKASS - people everyday I'm on the job.”

(O.o')

“Are you sane?” Kaiba asked him, looking more disturbed than ever. I knew I should never have agreed to this sleepover. I'm learning too many new secrets...Way too many.

“Nah, not - SHIT - really.”

“(o.o) Here's the check.”

“Thanks - (BLEEP) - a lot, Kaiba,” Weevil took the check and went back and forth, bringing pizzas in. “One more thing. MWAHAHAHA, I SHALL BE THE NUMBER ONE DUELIST SOON! BEWARE, SETO KAIBA AND YUUGI MUTOU, BEWARE! All right, bye.” Weevil ran off to the car and Kaiba slowly shut the door. “Also - BEWARE, JOUNOUCHI KATSUYA AND MARIK AND MALIK ISHTAR! HAHAHAHA!”

“Let's not order from the place anymore,” Mokuba suggested to his brother, who nodded numbly.