Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The Land of the Evil Spellchecker ❯ Setting Off Into the Unknown ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: *in a monotone* I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh!. I do not own Microsoft Word. I do not own a deck because possessing only eighteen cards does not constitute as owning deck. I do not own a wobbling banana, nor do I own a rolling cherry, nor do I own a papaya. I only own this work of fiction that does not deserve to be owned because it is so stupid.

The Land of the Evil Spellchecker

Ch. 2 Setting Off Into the Unknown

Seto Kaiba groaned to himself. After all, being knocked out by falling face first into the ground is no comforting thing. Slowly getting up painfully, he looked around warily and alert, his sharp blue eyes scanning the horizon of the strange land he had just fallen into. The place was virtually blank, just miles of flat land stretching off into space save for the large signpost he stood under. It was all silence around him…too silent.

"This must all be one oversized hallucination," the multi-billionaire muttered as he gazed around. "One big dream."

Of course, seeing that Seto Kaiba never took hallucinogens, or was never near one who did, and also considering the fact that he never had a decent night's sleep meant that he never really had a "dream", he had to come to the forcible conclusion that this place was very real. But for someone who had constantly scoffed that Yugi Motou had the spirit of a reincarnated pharaoh in him, well, brunette just couldn't bring himself to believe it, so he set off walking to the right, hoping to find a way out of this place and a cup of coffee. In his haste, he didn't notice the two inert bodies at the foot of the large signpost…

…

"The Land of Microsoft Word?" Jounouchi Katsuya read. "But what-?"

"I do not know," replied Isis in her ever-so-present mystical tone. "However, I believe the question is most likely not `what', but `how'."

"What do you mean by that, Isis?" Shizuka appeared from behind her brother.

Isis began to explain that while the knowledge of what the "Land of Microsoft Word" beheld in its midst was important, the reason of how, when subject to the powers of a Sennen Item, the computer managed to transport them into its depths, seemed to be "bound by the fates", devastating. After this overly drawn out and lengthy speech in which nearly everyone in the vicinity, light, dark, and normal, fell asleep, Yami interrupted Isis politely.

"Excuse me, but what exactly is this "Microsoft Word"? Yugi told me it was some sort of computer program, but did not delve further into the subject."

Everybody executed a perfect anime fall. Bakura stared at the pharaoh and started laughing maniacally.

"Really, Pharaoh," Bakura wiped tears from his eyes, "Even I, a tomb robber imprisoned in the Sennen Ring for a millennia, even I know what that is."

Yami crossed his arms and glared at the white-haired bishounen. "Then explain it, you baka."

That wiped the smirk off of Bakura's face. Isis, sensing trouble in the winds, quickly stepped in, and started, once again, on an explanation of the program, its purpose, its founders, and its function, boring everyone, but getting her point across to Yami no Yugi.

"Okay, okay," he said, raising his hands in defeat, "I understand it now. Let's just go find the others."

Honda, Mai, and Otoogi agreed with this while Mokuba jumped up and down nervously crying that they had to find Seto soon.

Yami glared at the tomb robber, "This is where you come in handy…use your Item to track them down."

Scowling, Bakura did so and the mystical energies of the Sennen Ring pointed to the left, sensing an Item in that direction…the Sennen Rod.

…

Malik looked around as he strolled through the ramshackle town. He found the place when he had left the large "Welcome" sign by going to the left, and now, he was thirsty. Spotting what seemed to be the cleanest building for miles, the tomb keeper walked there, muttering to himself, "I swear, once I get back from whatever this place is, I'm going to break into the nearest-"

A loud and obnoxious "Who are you?" had just pierced the blonde's tirade. Snarling, he turned, wielding the Sennen Rod like a knife, to curse the foolish mortal who dared to question him to the Shadow Realm. Except, this thing didn't look like any foolish mortal he ever met. In fact, this thing seemed to have the appearance of one large paperclip. One large animated paperclip with large eyes that looked like it just came out of Pegasus's Toon World.

"What the [CENSORED] are you?!"

The large paperclip blinked at the very pissed-off Egyptian and said in a mechanical monotone, "Last sentence is incorrect grammer. Do you want it to end in a question mark or an exclamation point?"

Malik stared.

The curved bit of metal wire repeated, "Do you want the last sentence you just uttered to end in a question mark or an exclamation point?"

"Question…" Malik stuttered in shock.

"Okay," the eyes of the metal creature in front of him went blank for a moment and Malik felt that somehow, things were different. Not such a big change, but a very noticeable one, like something in the past that happened never did. He gaped at the thing in front of him, for such a thing could only have shadow powers like him.

"What are you?"

The thing blinked again and replied, "My name is Clippit and I belong on the staff of handpicked workers for Microsoft Word Help. Just say F1 if you need my help! By the way, what is your name so I can register you in my system?"

Malik was quite unexpected for this answer.

"Malik."

Clippit's eyes went blank once more. "I am sorry. The word "Malik" is not in the dictionary."

"No, it probably won't be, you great oversized wired brain," muttered Malik under his breath while faking a huge look of astonishment and perplexity.

"You have a choice of either "Malice", "Mali", "Mail", or "Mails"." The paperclip looked at him. "Those are my suggestions. Also, you can chose to make me ignore all the times you say your name, or you can add your name to my dictionary."

"Yes! Add me to your stupid dictionary! Go right ahead! Nothing matters! Call me a mailman for all I care!" Malik, being slightly touchy due to the fact he was becoming thirstier and thirstier, was waving his hands around going mad. He was once again interrupted by Clippit, who said, "A new custom dictionary has been made. Do you wish to go further?"

"Screw the dictionary!" screamed Malik. "Just ignore it!"

"Doing so will only make me ignore your name just that one time," the Office Assistant reminded him.

Malik was now very furious, which, was a complete understatement.

"My malice for you grows stronger with each passing second! One more word out of you, and you'll be fed to the shadows for eternity!" And here, he started laughing maniacally, a shadow of his yami appearing briefly.

The employee of the Microsoft Word Help Staff's eyes went blank again.

"So you wish to change your name to `Malice'?" it inquired. "I shall invoke AutoCorrect, so I won't have to keep changing your name all the time."

Its demeanor changed again, becoming rather business-like in a pleasant way.

"Welcome to Microsoft Word, Malice. What would you like to do?"

Malik opened his mouth to say that he was not "Malice", he was Malik, but then, that sudden feeling that this piece of scrap metal had altered the past swept upon him again and he changed his retort to, "Yeah, you can gimme, I mean, give me something to drink."

Clippit blinked at him again and started listing a variety of things such as displaying a Bookshelf definition for a word without leaving, referencing cells in a table, perform calculations in a table, add, subtract, and perform other calculations, see grammer and writing style options, readability scores, summing a row or column of numbers, troubleshooting Photo Editor, Organization Chart, and Equation Editor, teaching him what the underlines meant, and the items that appeared in the status bar, none of which helped Malik, I mean, Malice, in his goal.

"Why don't you just shut up," Malice (Malik) snarled at it.

"I can give you help on how to reorganize a document by using outline view, troubleshoot aligning and arranging text and drawing objects, learn about bullets and numbering on Web pages, examples of bulleted and numbered lists, raise or lower text, prevent loss of work and recover lost documents, add bullets or numbers to lists, change the order of items in a drop-down list form field, ungroup and modify clip art, and cancel printing."

Malice (Malik) started to run away from the Office Assistant, which started to follow him, clearly intent to help the poor person.

"Ah! Go away! Go away!"

It then questioned, "Do you want to choose a different Office Assistant, delete a table or delete items from table? Or do you want to troubleshoot tables and borders, hide text, hide or show the Office Assistant, remove a background from document, display or hide gridlines in a table, change the view options, remove an FTP site from the list of Internet sites? Or do you simply want to troubleshoot converting file formats?"

As a result from his building anger, Malice (Malik) took the knife that was concealed in his rod and flung it at the thing. It missed, to the tomb keeper's surprise, but then, it hit a box with a "x" in the middle that appeared out of nowhere causing the Office Assistant to wink at Malice (Malik) and disappear. Malice (Malik) was now more confused than ever.

He was still thirsty.

…

DHASN: *screaming* OOC-ness! OOC-ness! OOC-ness everywhere! MAKE IT STOP!

Seto: What's going on? Why is she screaming?

Ryou: It appears that in the fic, everyone seemed to be rather…"different", with the obvious exception of Anzu, Yugi, and myself, seeing as we were not present.

Seto: *looks back at fic* I don't groan…

Ryou: Precisely.

Seto: DHASN is an authoress, why can't she invoke her so-called "authoress powers" to change that?

Ryou: Well, you'll have to drag her away from rereading the entire Harry Potter series again for the umpteenth time. I believe that the movie for the third book is showing soon, if not now.

Seto: Can't she wait? She's neglected us for nearly seven months; surely we are her first priority?

Ryou: Don't worry, you'll get your chance because DHASN is writing a HP/YGO X-over.

DHASN: T_T Sirius dies…I can't bear to read that part anymore…

Seto: Who's Sirius?

Ryou: *shrugs* She's almost finished with the 5th one…she started last weekend from book one…

DHASN: He's dead…dead!

Seto and Ryou: sigh. -_-; -_-;

DHASN: review…

Fact: If you type "You're stupid" into the "What would you like to do?" box, it will actually bring up the topic of readability scores, check the spelling of text in another language, customize spelling and grammer checking, create and manage a custom or supplemental dictionary, and troubleshoot spelling and grammer checking… I mean, can't it recognize an insult?