Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ The New Authoress ❯ Yoshi Yu Jungle Monkey (Ooh, ooh, eeh, ahh, ahh) ( Chapter 17 )

YOSHI YU JUNGLE MONKEY!!!! (OOH, OOH, EEH, AHH, AHH)

LS: Madyamisam does not own anything but herself and the computer she writes her stories in…

Sam: ^_____________^

Bakura: o_0? WTF!?!?!?!? WHAT KIND OF TITLE IS THAT!?!?!?

Sam: Oh this? It came to me over on the cruise I had over the summer holidays!!! Anyway regardless over the title this is actually video clips about our lovely little cruise, some nice ones… and… not so nice ones. Anyway who should be hosting this but… *drum roll* PYRO DRAGON!!!! (Pyro). A reviewer who so requested to be our latest guest star for the chapter… and she'll (I think you're a she but you never mentioned so if your not…………………………&# 8230;… ah well) be presenting the clips whilst I sit back and worship the person who invented weekends and TV.

Pyro: ^()^ HELLO, HELLO *like Bruce Forsyth* SO NICE TO SEE YOU, TO SEE YOU…

Audience back home: …………… *crickets in the background…*

Pyro: … ^()^UUUUUUUUUUUU

Sam: >_______< *raspy whisper to audience* You're supposed to say `nice'…

Studio Audience: …………… *crickets in the background…*

Sam: *mutters curses* >___< *out loud* ^_______^ NICE!!!!

Pyro: OH YOUR IN FOR A GREAT SHOW TONIGHT!!!!! *smiles (ding) one of those funny glint things come from her teeth, you know the type with cheesy game show hosts…*

Studio Audience: …………… *crickets in the background…*

Pyro: And here let's welcome my co-host… created from the authoress's own hyperactive imagination YOSHI YU!!!!! JUNGLE MONKEY!!!!

Sam: *puts on the canned applause* ^_______^

Yoshi: Ooh, ooh, eeh, ahh, ahh (Translation: Ooh, ooh, eeh, ahh, ahh… A/N: o_0? What?)

Joey: AAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!! *runs away screaming like a lunatic*

Seto: Hehehe…

Sam: >___<**** What did you do?

Seto: *innocently* Oh nothing… I just told him his `nephew' was co hosting this chapter… (A/N: Does anybody see the point he's getting to?) ^____________^

Sam: >_________< ********** *bonks him with her mallet*

Seto: X_______X

Sam: >__<… ^______^ Before I leave you all alone with the video clips I was just wondering from the last chapter if anybody had made out the following little messages `low-dar-crap', `ho-wan-to-bay-amil-on-year', `sto-pad-id-e-ots' and `cack-on-ble'. It should be kind of obvious but I just wanted to know. Please write it on your reviews and if you get them all right I'll feature you as a guest star to cuddle up with a chibi version of any YGO bishies of your choice. That's right it's all you have to do… write what you think those messages are along with the names of your YGO bishi or bishies and I'll feature you as a guest star cuddling their chibi versions in the next chapter… Ok… it's all yours Pyro CYA!!!

Pyro: THANK YOU SAM SHE'S SUCH SWEET DARLING ISN'T SHE!?!?!? *smiles with a ding*

Yoshi: Ooh, ooh, eeheeh, eeheeh…

Pyro: That's right my little pal Yoshi we are going to venture into the unknown of Sam's adventures on the Queen Elizabeth 2 Cruise…

-------It was just another boring drive-------

YGO bishies: ^()^ WE'RE ALL GOING ON A SUMMER HOLIDAY/ NO MORE WORKING FOR A WEEK OR TWO/ FUN AND LAUGHTER ON A SUMMER HOLIDAY/ NO MORE WORRIES FOR ME AND YOU/ FOR A WEEK OR TWO!!!!

Sam: -,- zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yami: She's so cute when she's asleep isn't she? *______*

Other bishies: ^_______^… O____O

Malik: Wait a minute, if she's asleep…. WHO'S DRIVING THE BUS!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Everyone except Sam and Yami: AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! *we see the bus Osiris drive weaving round the roads go over a roundabout and crash into a post box*

Everyone except Sam and Yami: @()@

Sam: -,-zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Yami: *______________* *love hearts emitted all over*

---------End clip-------------

Bakura: *shaking* I saw my afterlife flash before my eyes…

Pyro: Awww… poor Backy Whacky. Well you're here still safe and sound *cuddling him* sweet little cutie sooty, albinoey musky ratty…

Bakura: Please… stop that… that's very humiliating…

Pyro: I know…

Everyone else: MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

Mally: At least some good came out of it…

---------Ye hehehe…. Squishy, squishy--------

Ryou: Uh oh I think we just ran somebody over…

Sam: Oh don't worry that was just Tea… I strapped her to the bumper to make a nice cushion in case we crashed and also her screaming would warn some poor poodle that happened to be crossing the street that we were coming to get out of the way.

Tea: X_____X

Yami: *very hyper* Hehehe… yay, yay, yay squishyed up Tea *clapping hands before leaping about, bunny hopping and cart wheeling all over the place* Whee, whee, whee!!!!

Tristan: Ok… who gave him sugar?

Yugi: Um… well… *shuffling his feet*

Everyone except Sam, Kiki and Yami (who is in no condition to shout at anybody): YUGI!!!!

Yugi: … I'm sorry… his just very persuasive… *Kiki holds him protectively*

*****10 seconds earlier******

Yugi: Mmm… Fruit Pastilles… *is about to open the pack*

Yami: O_O Fruit Pastilles!?!? Those sugar encrusted jewels of fruitiliscious goodness… Fruit… Pastilles?

Yugi: *gulp* Uh oh… *hides behind his back* No… Yami…

Yami: *tries to see the pack but Yugi tries his best to keep them out of sight* I know you have them Yugi… please aibou… let me have just one

Yugi: NO!!! You know what the psychiatrist said. NO SUGAR AND ESPECIALLY FRUIT PASTILLES!!! *ominous music as Yami's shadow over his hikari* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!

****back to present******

Sam: Oh for Ra's sakes leave him alone… Come on Yami

Yami: Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe… *skipping along side as she holds his hand*

Raindrops: #Raindrops keep falling on our heads as we make love/ We won't stop, the rain keeps falling down on both of us…#

Yami: WWWWWWWHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! *clicks his heels in the air*

Others: 0____________o

---------------END CLIP---------------------

Pyro: ^____________^ WELL THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY STUNNING RIGHT BOYS AND GIRLS!?!?!?

Yoshi: OOH, OOH, OOH,OOH, OOH!!!! EEH, EEH, EEH AAH, CAW, CAW, CAW, CAW TOOKIE, TOOKIE!!!!

Pyro: ^____^UUUUUUUU Right on Yoshi!!!! Let's move on to the next clip…

Yugi: I didn't know that Yami could jump so h-h-h-h-h-hiiiiiiiiggggggggghhhhhhh….

Joey: What do you mean `h-h-h-h-h-hiiiiiiiigggggghhhhhhhhh'?

Yugi: *sweaty*I… err I was… I was about to sneeze… *sniff, sniff* Yep…

Bakura: *sarcastic* Oh… and here I was thinking it was because Kiki was doing a bl-

Pyro: NEXT CLIP!!!!!!!!!!!!

------------Rock, rock, rock your ship cruising in the sea-----------------------

Sam: *feeling the particularly strong breeze* Ah our first sea day ^__________^

Yami: *looking really ill* GNMM!!!! *looking really green*

Sam: Sea sick huh?

Yami: T___________T GHMMMM… *hangs over to puke over the side* BLLLLLEEEEEARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!

Sam: *rubs his back* Well it is really rough over the Atlantic… Why don't you go back to the cabin and take a nap…

Yami: T__________T GHMMMM… *stumbles away…*

Sam: I didn't think he was seasick… I mean Yugi made it on the ferry journey in the Duellist Kingdom all right…

Joey: Yeah but Yami was in `is soul room at the time and they're still trying to clean the mess he made in there…

Sam: But he seemed all right after he was spun around in circles in 100 mph in the last chapter…

Joey: By any chance… did you… go into your mom and dad's bedroom?

*********BACK HOME*****************

Sam's mom: *goes to her room* EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

********BACK ON SHIP**************

Sam: 0________o

Seto: Ha, ha… *sing song* Yami is seasick, Yami is seasick ^()^

Yami: >_______<… O_____O BBBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLEEEEEAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH!!! *pukes all over Seto*

Ryou: EEEEEWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!

Seto: *covered in puke* o_oUUU *blink, blink* o_oUUU Please don't tell me there's bits of half digested toast on me…

Joey: ^__________^ Kaiba there's bits of half digested toast on you there… and there… oh and there….

Seto: AAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!! *runs away screaming like a girl*

Joey: ^___________^ *takes out tally chart from his back and marks another on his table* Another point for Joey Wheeler… MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Yami tries to goes back to his cabin but pulled aside by Tea…*

Tea: YAMI!!!!!!!!!! *glomps him*

Yami: O_______________O MMMMMMMMMRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHMMMMMMMM!!!!!!! *can't scream because he's stricken with utmost terror and the fact that he was going puke again* BLLLLLLLEEEEEEAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! *all over Tea and runs for it*

Tea: I'd say this was gross but it came from Yami so I don't mind… (A/N: >.<EEEEWWWWW!!!!!)

Yami: *runs to casino and grabbed by Mokuba*

Mokuba: Yami I need your gaming expertise here with this gay gambling bozo… Please can you help me?

Yami: Why?

Mokuba: Um… I just lost a bet for my big brother's company… I really need your help to win it back…

Yami: Oh but I feel sick… I really want to go back to my cabin T______T

Mokuba: OH PLEASE, YAMI!!!!!! *gives him the puppy dog eyes*

Yami: Oh… *trudges into the casino* T_______T

Gay gambler: So what's a hunky little sex bomb like you got to gamble with?

Yami: Um… I've got these nickels

Gay gambler: Wooden?

Yami: Err… yep…

Gay gambler: *rolls his eyes* Take him away…

Mokuba: He'll gamble himself!!! A good roll in the hay…

Gay gambler: *drooling like Homer Simpson*

Yami: WHAT!?!?!? *rasps to Mokuba* I'm not a homo!!!

Mokuba: Well you are according to Sam's other stories so shut that pretty trap of yours and start playing!!!

Yami: T______________T

Gay gambler: Let's start off with a game of mah-jongg!!!! (A/N: Mah-jongg is a Chinese game similar to poker I think anyway you're supposed to draw and discard your cards until you get a winning hand… I don't know I haven't played it before) *they set out the game* He, he looks like I'm going to win… *discards a card and it's Yami's turn*

Yami: Score!!! *reveals his winning hand and wins back Seto's company*

Gay gambler: O_O … let's play again… *they reset*

Yami: I win!!!! *reveals another winning hand*

Gay gambler: O_O AGAIN!!!! *they reset*

Yami: Another winning hand…

Gay gambler: O_O I've had my fortune checked from loads of fortune tellers and they all said that I was going to make a fortune from gambling today…

Mokuba: Well I bet they never counted on Yami showing up then… You know he has never lost to anybody in a game who wasn't a cheating b****** like Pegasus and Seto Kaiba

Yami: You do know you just dissed your own brother right?

Mokuba: Yeah… so?

Gay gambler: Fine let's play poker… *they deal*

Yami: *looking green again* Straight flush *revealing his winning hand of cards*

Gay gambler: >______<******* *fuming* DOMINOES!!!!

Yami: *reveals his hand* Winning hand NGMM!!!! *is about to blow again and makes a run for the nearest toilet*

Gay gambler: A GUESSING GAME!!!!!!! *pulls rock, paper scissors in that order*

Yami: CGMM!!!! CGMM!!!! CGMM!!! *pulls paper scissors rock in that order and wins all rounds*

Gay gambler: O.O…

Seto: *who had been flashed washed was blocking Yami's way*

Yami: BLLLEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Seto: O.O… *covered in puke* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *runs screaming like a girl*

-----------END CLIP---------------

Everyone except Seto: MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Pyro: You know it wasn't actually THAT funny…

Malik: No that wasn't, but it was the fact that Seto spent the rest of the day in the bathroom playing with his rubber ducky that cracked us up…

---------Little clip-----------

Seto: *playing with a rubber ducky, Chester the pink dragon and the water letters* roar, roar… *deeper voice* I Chester the international alphabeti spaghetti champion eater pink dinosaur shall eat you letter people… *picks up the water letters talking in a squeaky voice* Oh somebody save us… please… *brings in the rubber ducky and changes voice to suit the um… duck* Ah ha… quack… tis I Super Toilet Duck… you've had your last letter to eat Chester the international champion doody head… quack. *brings Chester and Toilet Duck into battle* Roarquackrrrquackquackquack!!!! *hears a knock in the bathroom door*

Mokuba: (OV) Big brother you do know that you've been in that bathroom for three hours already?

Seto: Yes and I don't care… I'm not getting out of this bath until we get to shore… Stupid Yami and his digestive juices… WELL YOUR NOT GETTING IN HERE TO THROW UP HALF YOUR LUNCH OVER ME AGAIN YOU TRI COLOUR HEADED FREAK!!!! Now where was I? Oh yeah… Super Toilet Duck beats Chester… *picks up the letter P* Ooh thank you Toilet Duck I Princess P and the letter people thank you so much is there anything you can do for you? *changes to Toilet Duck* Well I want to get laid by you sexy pod p… *changes back princess P* Um alright… *makes smooching and groaning noises*

--------END------------

Seto: *going red with embarrassment* >()< WHO FILMED THAT!?!?!?!?

Yugi: *raises his hand guiltily*

Seto: O.O…

Pyro: *stifling giggles* I think… I think we'll just… SUPER TOILET DUCK!?!?!? *rolls around in laughter* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Yoshi: EEEEEEEEEHHHHEEEHHHHEEEHHHEEHHHEEEHHHEEEHHOOOOOOOHHHOOOHHOOHHH!!!!!! *rolling around and slapping his hands on the floor in laughter*

Everyone else except Seto and Yugi who is now on a guilt trip: MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

Pyro: *wiping tears away* next clip…

----------HORNY, HORNY, HORNY---------------

Sam: -,-zzzzzzzzz *wakes up in cabin* ^__________^… o_0? *sees Yami reading a book and wearing glasses*

Yami: *looks up from book*^________^

Sam: o_0? Yami… why are you wearing glasses?

Yami: For reading… *taking them off and taking off everything else*

Sam: O.O… *shakes her head in disbelief as Yami strips before her eyes*

Sexy music: (BABABA DADADA) I DON'T WANT YOU… (BABABA DADADA) TO BE MY SLAVE (BABABA DADADA) *Yami taking off his jacket* I DON'T WANT YOU (BABABA DADADA) TO WORK ALL DAY… (BABABA DADADA) *Yami's is loosening the buckle*BUT I WANT YOU… (BADA) TO BE TRUE!! (BOM, BOM) AND I JUST WANNA MAKE… LOVE TO YOU!!!! *Yami who is… TOPLESS opens a can of Pepsi and starts gulping down sweat is trailing down his chest*

Sam: O.O *blink, blink* O.O… Err… Yami?

Yami: *sexily* Yes Sam?

Sam: Why are you stripping in front of me and drinking a can of Pepsi?

Yami: It's 11.30… *does that growling/purring sound*

Sam: Oh…

Yami: Or it could be that you're still asleep and that this is just a wet dream of yours…

********

Sam: -,- zzzzzzzzzz… o_0? *blink, blink* >______< DAMN IT!!!! IT `WAS' A DREAM!!!! *sees Yami reading a book and wearing glasses*

Yami: *looks up from book*^________^

Sam: O.O…

Yami: o_0? *realises his wearing his glasses* Oh these? These are for reading… *taking them off and taking off everything else*

Sexy music: (BABABA DADADA) I DON'T WANT YOU… (BABABA DADADA) TO BE MY SLAVE (BABABA DADADA) *Yami taking off his jacket… again* I DON'T WANT YOU (BABABA DADADA) TO WORK ALL DAY… (BABABA DADADA) *Yami's is loosening the buckle… again*BUT I WANT YOU… (BADA) TO BE TRUE (BOM, BOM) AND I JUST WANNA MAKE… LOVE TO YOU!!!! *Yami who I remind you is… TOPLESS opens a can of Pepsi and starts gulping it down sweat is trailing down his chest… again*

Sam: *____* God bless that person who invented déjà vu…

--------------END CLIP----------------

Sam: ^____________^ Oh I need to tell you guys that dream sequence actually happened in real life…

Tea: *()* OH BY RA YAMI IS SO GORGEOUS!!!! *glomps him* T_________T Why couldn't you ever strip for me?

Yami: *flailing his arms trying to get out of her vice like grip* AAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Sam: ^______________^ *punches Tea's light's out*

Tea: X_______X

Yami: *hiding behind her back and peering over her shoulder* Eep… *hides again*

Pyro: That was… great Sam you just had to tell us all of your unusual fantasies…

Sam: Yeah and they always had to involve it with that old 11.30 Pepsi ad… Weird….

Pyro: ^_________^ ANYWHOOO!!!! Let's delve into deeper waters as we look into other of Yoshi's stockpile of QE2 video clips…

Yoshi: Ooh, ooh, ooh *sticks in a tape*

----------Stage fright---------------

Ryou: Oh look they're having karaoke over there…

Cyndi: Make Bakura sing… Ryou-kun!!!!

Ryou: Oh I don't know, he doesn't like performing…

Cyndi: *puppy dog eyes* PWEASE!?!?!?!?

Ryou: Ack… Oh alright… *goes to Bakura* Uh… Yami… Cyndi and I would really love it if you sing a song for us…

Bakura: *listening to really loud lead rock music bopping his head to it*…

Ryou: Um… *pulls out of thin air some plaques with messages on*

Message: Cyndi and I would love it if you sang a song for the karaoke… You've got such a brilliant voice you know?

Bakura: *still listening to rock music* NO!!!!

Ryou: *drops the plaque to show another one*

Message: Go on…

Bakura: NO!!!!

Messages: AWW… GO ON!!!!

Bakura: *shaking his head*

Messages: *cascading down one plaque after another* Go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on, go on….

Bakura: *shaking his head whilst listening to music*

Message: *last card* PWEASE!?!?!?!?!?

Bakura: FOR THE LAST TIME NO!!!!!

Ryou: *pouts and about to turn and leave*

Bakura: AND TELL YOUR GIRLFRIEND TO F*** OFF!!!!

Ryou: O_O *SBC starts up as his whole body is engulfed in flames, his eyes become bloodshot, fangs come out and devil horns pop from his head along with ticked off marks. He rips the earphones off and towers above his Yami*

Bakura: O.O *blink, blink*

Ryou: *holding a microphone whilst screaming* BAKA NO TOMB ROBBER YOU ARE GOING TO SING A SONG IN THE KARAOKE FOR MY GIRLFRIEND OR I'LL CASTRATE YOU WITH A SPOON AND STEW YOUR FAMILY JEWELS IN CHILLI PEPPERS, TABASCO SAUCE AND MARMITE!!!!! >()<

Bakura: O.O meep… yes aibou… *hurries to the stand*

Ryou: >____<***************……………. ^__________^

Bakura: What do you want me to sing… wench?

Cyndi: *squealing* Ooh, ooh, ooh this one!!!!

Bakura: *looks at it* O__O…. >()< THERE IS NO WAY THAT I'M-

Ryou: *starting his SBC again holding out a spoon threateningly*

Bakura: *gulp* Ok…

Cyndi: Oh and wear this *she shoves a pink dress over him*

Ryou: ^__________^ *takes a picture*

Bakura: *looking quite cute…* T__________T… I'll never be looked at the same way again…*goes to stand*

Ringleader: Let's hear it for Bakura folks!!!!

Music starts up…

Bakura: #I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation#
#Come on, Barbie, let's go party

I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation #
#I'm a blonde single girl in the fantasy world
Dress me up, take your time, I'm your dolly
You're my doll, rock and roll, feel the glamour and pain
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky-panky#
#You can touch, you can play
You can say I'm always yours, oooh whoa#
#I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation#
#Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh#
#Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees
Come jump in, be my friend, let us do it again
Hit the town, fool around, let's go party#
#You can touch, you can play
You can say I'm always yours
You can touch, you can play
You can say I'm always yours#
#Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh#
#I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation#
#I'm a Barbie girl in the Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation#

#Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, ha ha ha, yeah
Come on, Barbie, let's go party, oooh, oooh#

Cyndi: MUWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

---------END CLIP---------------

Everyone except Bakura: MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

Bakura: AAAAARRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!! *tearing at his hair*

Yugi: Wow… Ryou is… scary…

Cyndi: *_________* Don't you just love him!?!?!?

Ryou: *SBCs*

Sam: You know… come to think of it whenever I do Bakura bashing it always involved the most painful part of his anatomy… Anyway if you don't understand what's going on then obviously you haven't read my other entries My Fair Yami or Children of Destiny…

---------Studio clip from other ficcys----------

//My Fair Yami… //

/Fantasy rape scene… Chapter 3/

Bakura: I'm gonna make you pay aibou…

Ryou/Yugi: Please… I'm sorry…

Director: CUT!!! Bakura you can stop now… BAKURA!?!?!?

Bakura: *looking down hungrily at his aibou*

Ryou: O_O *gulp*

CLUNK!!!!!!

Bakura: AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

Ryou: *sighs in relief that he had his chastity belt* ^_____________^

/Fight scene… /

Bakura: *pinning Ryou/Yugi down* You're going to regret ever defying me…

Ryou/Yugi: And you're going to regret `this' for the rest of eternity *knees him… you know…*

Bakura: O__O

Director: CUT!!!

Bakura: OOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!!! *bounces up and down on whilst his hand is over his injured area*

Director: Ryou you kneed him with the wrong leg!!! Roll again!!!!

Bakura: O()OUUUUUUUU WHAT!?!?!?!?!?

Take 2

Bakura: *pinning Ryou/Yugi down looking a bit pained…* You're going to regret ever defying me…

Ryou/Yugi: And you're going to regret `this' for the rest of eternity *knees him… there again*

Bakura: O___O *collapses to the floor*

Director: CUT!!!! Roll again for different camera angle!!!!

Bakura: AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Take 154 (and getting kicked in the balls for 154 times too)

Bakura: @()@… You're… y…ghmns…shee… vroom… de… muh… *gets kneed again and falls to floor*

Director: CUT!!!! ONE MORE TIME PEOPLE!!!!

Bakura: WE'VE ALREADY DONE THIS OVER A 100 FRIGGIN TIMES!!! WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT NOW?!?!?

Director: Nothing… just realised we forgot to put the film in…

Bakura: *dies* X__________X

//Children of Destiny - Chapter 16//

/Ryou's attempt to break Bakura out of manipulation spell/

Malik: Ryou!!!! Ryou just hit him!!!

Ryou: *looks confused then kicks him in the balls… again*

Bakura: O____O

/Fight scene against Killer Yami Clone//

Bakura: *grabs killer Yami clone* I GOT HIM!!!! I GOT HIM!!! *gets head butted by Killer Yami Clone* OWWW!!!! *and kneed… again* AAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!

----------End Clip----------

Bakura: *shaking in tears* WWWWAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!! T____T

Pyro: Gee… I almost feel sorry for him…

Yoshi: Oohooh, oohooh…

Pyro: Anyway… that's right little Yoshi much as we want to dwell on Bakura's pain talent we must move on to our next and final clip for this chapter!!!!

--------The ball (and no it's not a pun to the flick above)----------

Sam: Well tonight's the formal night where you're supposed to dress like James Bond in those rich cocktail parties… Yami…

Yami: Uh… huh… *Sam is sorting out his tuxedo and slipping it on him* o_0? *looks at himself in the mirror and at his rear* ^________________^

Sam: *giggles before she gets dressed and comes out in black sleeveless dress* It kinda feels weird wearing a dress…

Yami: O________O *hearts come pouring out of him* @___________X *faints*

Sam: O__O *blink, blink*

At the ball…

Yami: ^______^ May I-

???: YAMI!!!!!

Yami: *gets glomped* GWACK!!!!!! o.0?

Tea: DANCE WITH ME YAMI!!!!!

Yami: AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!! SSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!

Sam: >______<***** *storms her way towards Tea*

Tea: ^()^… o_0?… >_______<************ *shoves a spider in Sam's face*

Sam: O.O EEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!! *runs screaming…*

Tea: ^_________________^ *continues dancing and trampling people's feet a long the way*

Yami: AAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!!! *tries to pry the death grip off him with crowbars, jackhammers the lot*

Sam: *outside hyperventilating* That little b**** giving me a fright with that spider….

Yami: (OV) SSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

Sam: *whimpers* Ooh… *wants to go back in to save her boyfriend/stylist but Tea's has a spider dangling around the two* Breath, breath… *hyperventilates* CCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! *dashes back in and gives Tea a left hook to the face*

SMACK!!!!!!

Tea: x.X *spider in her hand has latched on Sam's skirt*

Sam: ARGH!!!! GET IT OFF ME!!!! GET IT OFF ME!!!! GET IT OFF ME!!!! *bouncing up and down from spider crawling all over her*

Yami: *goes to grab the spider but Tea grabs*ARGH!!!! GET HER OFF ME!!!! GET HER OFF ME!!!! GET HER OFF ME!!!!

Tea: YAMI!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Yami: >________<********** GET. OFF. MMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! *he kicks her in the face grabs a foldable chair and starts thwacking her with it*

/THWACK, THWACK, THWACK/

Tea: *deader than dead* X______________X

Sam: EEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!! *bouncing about before she rips the spider by the legs grabs a news paper and squishes it then tosses it into the ocean* Phew… *looks at Yami*

Yami: *finishes thwacking Tea, picks up her body and tosses her into the ocean then looks at Sam*

Sam: *___________* YAMI!!!!!

Yami: *_____________* SAM!!!!! *they run into each other's arms*

Romantic love music feels the air: #DAAA… DA… DADADADADADAAAA… DADA… DAA…. DAAAAAA…

Everyone minus Tea and the spider: *eating popcorn and watching the wonderful soppy movie spectacle*

------END CLIP-----------------

Pyro: Well that's it isn't it Yoshi… the wonderful journal of life and limb upon Sam's most wonderful holiday…

Yoshi: Ooh, ooh, ooh… eeh ahh…

Pyro: Yes my little pal Yoshi… It's great working with you too… *they shake hands… sort of*

Sam: And it's been wonderful having you here on the show… You're quite the showman… err woman… (I think)

Pyro: Thank you again Sam and that's all from this chapter of The New Authoress so until next time our little authoress has another spark of inspiration… Good day and good night

Applause as Pyro leaves in a blaze of glory including fireworks…

Audience: *a lot better than the last lot* YYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

---------------------------------------------------

Sam: Yep… anyway… I love chibis so I'm planning to change all my YGO bishies into chibis in the next chapter and I've said this in the beginning and I'll say it again… If you review and tell me what these `hidden' messages `low-dar-crap', `ho-wan-to-bay-amil-on-year', `sto-pad-id-e-ots' and`cack-on-ble' are along with giving the name of your favourite YGO bishi/bishies… then I'll feature you as a guest star cuddling up with your favourite chibi bishi… ok?

People in audience: *looking clueless and not understanding a word she said*

Sam: -_-****** Never mind… I just hope you readers got that better than the studio audience… buncha dumb bakas…

Random person in the audience: Duh… is this the new coffee house on main street?

Sam: >__________<*********** *shoots him*

Random person in the audience: X_________________X

Sam: REVIEW I NEED IT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER TO WORK!!!!!!