Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Yu-Gi-Oh Behind The Scenes! ❯ Evil Commercials ( One-Shot )

**Cherior-chan threatened to take my Kumagouro away if I didn't write the next chapter of this fic ;_; Since I am not quite over the damn writer's block on this I thought I should do something a little different.**

WE INTERUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU COMMERICALS BECAUSE WE CAN AND THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!

Screen turns multicolored for a moment.

Screen: beeeeeeeeeeeeep

Announcer suddenly comes on as well as a huge sign that says "Cooking with Malik".

Announcer: Learn from the best cook ever! Malik Ishtar!

Malik: *holds his Millennium Rod in his hands and looks up to wave innocently*

Announcer: Learn basic steps from this wonderful cooking master.

Malik: *muttering* Where's the damn chopping knife? *starts to look around the kitchen frantically*

Announcer: Easy things like chopping!

Camera moves to Malik. Malik looks around frantically for a knife, then looks at his Millennium Rod. He smirks and draws out the knife within it. He then looks the chicken meat on the table and begins to hack at it with his Millennium Rod blade. Announcer just stares at him for a moment.

Announcer: Uhhh, ya.……………….....*cough* Don't forget meat tenderizing!

Yami Bakura: *is chewing on the raw steak that was left on the table for Malik to pound* Blood.……………......needs more blood…………….........

Announcer: *looks to Yami Bakura* How the heck did you get in here?!

Yami Bakura: Got fired for grossing people out from my tendency to lick sharp objects and eat raw steak.

Malik: *pulls face back in disgust* I don't blame them, that is pretty twisted. Now stop eating that!

Yami Bakura: *holds onto the plate of steak* Mine!

Malik: *lunges himself at Yami Bakura* Mine! It is my damn cooking show!

Announcer: *watches the two of them fight over the piece of steak* Umm…………….......Ummm………̷ 0;.........*turns head and calls behind the stage* Under-study! You're on!

Ryuuji happily wonders out from behind the stage with a huge ax in his hands. Announcer doesn't seem to notice the ax in his hands because he is facing the camera. Cameraman tries to point towards Ryuuji to get the announcer's attention but he thinks it was just a gesture for him to start speaking.

Announcer: Learn from Ryuuji Otogi on how to do simple methods in cooking. Simple things like chopping!

Ryuuji swings his ax down onto the plate of pork and shatters the plate as well as breaking the table in half. He blinks.

Ryuuji: These tables are cheaply made. They are not ax proof!

Announcer turns around to see the ax embedded into the table and the table cut in half. He gaps at Ryuuji as if he had gone mad. Ryuuji puts his hand behind his head and chuckles sheepishly.

Announcer: Ahhh, forget it! *tosses his note cards up in the air and then heads over to the snack bar*

Sign shows up.

Sign: Do not try the following events at home. Using toys to slice your meat products might contaminate them. Chewing on raw stake may contain tapeworms or other parasites so be cautious! Using axes to chop meat is NOT the proper way to cut meat. Please discuss these following events with your child or parents if they are doing any of the following. Thank you.

Out of the commercial's world, Mokuba is sitting in front of the TV with his mouth hanging open. He looks to his brother.

Mokuba: You heard them, big brother. Stop using your inventions to chop meat. You can use a kitchen knife like everyone else does!

Kaiba: *leaning against the wall* Don't believe everything they tell you on TV, Mokuba.

Mokuba: But.....…………...

Seto: *holds finger up and shakes it* None of that. Now then, who wants chicken soup? *happily holds up an automatic chopping knife he made with a huge grin on his face*

Back to commercial world.

Singers: Du du du du du duuuwaaaaaaaaaaa

Malik is in the kitchen trying to make Yami Bakura a wonderful steak with blood all over it.

Singer: It doesn't matter what comes, freshness is always by (I think that is how the song goes but I can't remember. If I messed it up tell me and I'll fix it). With mentoes freshness for all life!

Malik opens oven and pulls out a completely black steak. Yami Bakura stares at it and suddenly bursts into tears. Malik looks quite bewildered over the fact he burnt the steak.

Singer: Nothing gets to you, staying fresh staying cool. With mentoes freshness for all life!

Malik looks thoughtful and then snaps his fingers. He takes out his mentoes and pops one into his mouth. He runs out of the kitchen for a moment. Yami Bakura blinks and sits down at the table to wait. Malik returns happily with a steak shaped like Yami.

Singer: Fresh goes better with mentoes freshness

Yami Bakura happily attacks the Yami shaped steak while Malik sits back with his head held proudly up. He takes out his mentoes again and pops another one into his mouth.

Singer: Fresh goes better with mentoes freshness for all life!

Yami Bakura looks up at Malik with a sastified look. Malik grins and then shows him his pack of mentoes.

Singer: Mentoes, the freshmaker!

Yami Bakura: *grabs the mentoes and stuffs all of the mint candy into his mouth*

Malik: *blinks* Hey!!! Get your own damn mentoes!

Yami Bakura: Why should I pay a dollar for a pack when you can provide them for me for free? *beams proudly*

Malik: You know, I just cannot stand all of your abuse during these past commercials! You never appreciate me! I cook your meals, I clean your home, and do everything for you and you don't show me any appreciation towards it!

Yami Bakura: *looks at him* I don't make you cook and clean for me, you do that completely on your own.

Malik: That's not that point!

Announcer: You know, at this point, if you two continue to bicker we will only have Ryuuji available to do both your jobs. So I suggest you two get along or else find work someplace else.

Yami Bakura and Malik turn to glare at each other. Ryuuji hops up to them and then latches his arms around his neck.

Ryuugi: You know what they say, guys. *clears throat and starts to sing* You got a friend in need, you got a friend in ne-

Yami Bakura and Malik's eyes both twitch from Ryuuji's annoying singing voice and then they both lunge onto him. They take off his bandanna and try to use it to gag him.

Backstage

Isis: *sighs softly* I guess this means I won't be able to do my commercial now..…………………….oh well. *shrugs her shoulders and then dumps gold down the dumpster; she was going to have a commercial on how to make your own Millennium items*

Commercials end.

Mai: Well that was a lot of fun, right fans? ...…………………..Right?

Place is completely empty now.

Chibi-chan: *has finally recovered from the shock of non-brand soda's taking over her show* Huh? What? What's been going on?

Mai: Ummmm, you were out for a while so we decided to improvise. *smiles nervously*

Chibi-chan: *turns eyes to Mai* .……………………...Improvise?

Mai: .………………………....*whistl es and then turns on her tape player*

Chibi-chan: *looks through a video tape with copies of the commercials* *sits down with popcorn bag in her arm to watch it*

Ten minutes later.

Chibi-chan: .....…………………….*staring at the screen*

Mai: ...……………...ma'am?

Chibi-chan: *turns her head slowly to look over at Mai* How dare you guys come up with juicy stuff like this. I come up with the good stuff here!

Mai: *hangs head* Yes ma'am.

Yami: Ummmm.…………………....people....… ;………….

Chibi-chan: What do you want now, diet boy?

Yami: We have a crisis here you still have to solve!

Chibi-chan: Oh right, that. To be continued still.

Yami: ...……………..that's it?!?!?

Chibi-chan: I'm still not over my disease, give me a break.

Yami: How can you get arthritis at your age? What are you, 62 years old?

Chibi-chan: *left eye twitches madly* When I am over my writers block you are so going to pay for that.

Yami: Another thing, why are we writing in this format?

Chibi-chan: Because it was easier. I'll switch back to story format when I am filled with idea's.

Yami: We'll hurry up! The crisis is getting worse here!

Chibi-chan: Alright alright *plops down on her computer and stares at it* Alright brain, I don't like you and you don't like me, but this is for the fans! *cracks knuckles and starts typing like mad*

Mai: *looks to the fans* Ummmm..………………....it's gonna be awhile..……………………....please be patient. *plays Ghost Busters song for people's enjoyment*

**Gomen, I'll trying to bring up the next chappy soon. I am starting to get some idea's but for now please be patient!**

KittyRyuuichi (aka ChibiChanLain)