Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ YuGiOh Science Theatre 3k ❯ YGOST Ep. 101: "Twinkies" ( Chapter 1 )

YuGiOh! Science Theatre 3k

Episode 101: "Twinkies"

Written by: Kitzaku-san

MSTed by: Fallen Angel of Death [bakurassnowangel@hotmail.com]

MSTer's Website: http://members.tripod.com/~ichijouji_carmel/warning.htm

This is an MSTing of a story written by Kitzaku-san. No insult, injury, infringement or painful debilitating illness is intended by this MSTing. I do this because I think [a] it's fun and [b] I'm totally bored.

MST3K is owned by Best Brains, Inc.

I only own Kageshi, Jou the Chihuahua and Snow Angel (self-insertion).

All "YuGiOh!" characters are the property of Kazuki Takahashi, KidsWB, Nickelodeon, any other TV stations and possibly a partridge in a pear tree, though the latter is dicey to prove under law =^-.-^=

Reading this MST can be greatly helped by having at least a passing familiarity with the series; if you haven't seen it yet, I highly recommend it. [Shameless plug requirements met. Onward!]

********************

[Domino High School; the classroom where the main group meets. ISHTAR MALIK, the dashing, Egyptian duelist and most eligible bishounen on campus, stands near the windows; his usual "I'm-so-evil" smirk is firmly in place. BAKURA RYOU, a slender almost-elfin silver-haired young man stands near the blonde, fidgeting with his sketchbook. MUTOU YUUGI, the current Dual Monsters Champion, steps into the classroom; right next to him, as always, is SNOW ANGEL, the former Change of Heart card and the Champion's Bride. Perched near ANGEL'S feet, nibbling on a dog biscuit, is JOU, the Chihuahua/animal sidekick/comedy relief]

YUUGI: Oh! Hello, Bakura-kun. [he smiles at the taller boy before giving MALIK a sharp look] This had better not be another try at getting me to give you my puzzle.

MALIK: Of course not. [he holds up a folded piece of paper; a lozenge of red sealing wax is broken along the seam] I assume you also got a letter from "End of the World"?

YUUGI: Well......yes. [he reaches into the pocket of his school uniform and pulls out a similar letter] What's all this about?

MALIK: I don't know. [charming smile]

RYOU: Neither do I, Yuugi-kun. Hello, Miss Angel......

ANGEL: Hello, Ryou......

JOU: Woof!

[the four remain silent for a moment; YUUGI looking uncomfortable, RYOU slightly befuddled, MALIK regaining his cool composure and ANGEL's expression remaining as bland and unreadable as ever. JOU keeps nibbling on another dog biscuit. The awkward pause is broken by another student; tall, striking and smirking SETO KAIBA, the young CEO of KaibaCorp., strides into the room. SETO, like MALIK, has an air of "I'm too sexy for my shirt (and pants, and everything else, so why don't you help me take them all off?)", though he has a darker allure to it in contrast to the Egyptian's more care-free attitude.]

SETO: What an interesting little party we have here. Hello, Bakura-kun, Ishtar-kun......Yuugi...... [he attempts to kiss YUUGI's hand but he firmly pulls away, ignoring his frown]

ANGEL: *brightly* Hello, Seto-sama.

SETO: Hm. Hello, Angel. So what *is* going on?

JOU: Woof......

[long pause]

YUUGI: Didn't you send us these letters? [holds his up]

SETO: No......no I didn't. [he frowns again] Let me see those. [the others hand their letters to him; SETO reads them over, his frown deepening.]

SETO: The same message on them all -- "'Meet in the classroom after art class. End of the World". But I certainly didn't write them.

MALIK: How......unusual.

RYOU: If you didn't write them, who *did*? And why?

YUUGI: Well, I want to get to the bottom of this! Come on, Angel -- let's go.

JOU: WOOF!

YUUGI: You too of course, Jou.

SETO: Hm. I think you and I ought to make our own enquiries, Ishtar.

MALIK: I agree, Kaiba...... [He gives Yuugi a come-hither look, but he doesn't go hither]

RYOU: I'll go with you, Yuugi-kun. Let's take the elevator down -- it's faster. [RYOU, YUUGI, ANGEL and JOU -- still at Angel's feet -- all get into the elevator; SETO and MALIK step in after them. Faint organ music plays as the elevator starts moving]

SETO: So, Yuugi......

YUUGI: Ryou! Going to come over to my place tonight and help us with our math homework?

RYOU: Er......of course, Yuugi-kun. I'd be glad to. [he swallows at the dark look he gets from SETO]

JOU: [tugging at ANGEL's school skirt] Woof......

ANGEL: Yes, Jou?

JOU: *Woof!* [pointing around them frantically]

YUUGI: See, Ryou, I'm having trouble on this chapter again......

ANGEL: Yuugi-san?......

YUUGI: Mm?

ANGEL: The elevator's going the wrong way, Yuugi-san. [everyone looks around, startled; the elevator is indeed going upward instead of down. MALIK presses the "stop" button, but nothing happens]

YUUGI: I don't like this......

RYOU: M-me either...... [the elevator stops at the roof; the door opens. The dualists and the Champion Bride step out, looking around. There's a breathtaking view of Domino City from up here].

SETO: *scowling* When I find who's responsible for this, I'll......

KAGESHI: You'll what, Kaiba? [Kageshi, his face set in a creepy grin, steps out from behind the elevator's rooftop housing; KATSUYA JOUNOUCHI steps out beside him, smiling in a somewhat vacuous fashion]

YUUGI: *YOU*! [he pushes ANGEL somewhat protectively behind him]

JOU: *Woof*!

SETO: How did you......

KAGESHI: Now, now, Kaiba, no time for questions. You see, I've managed to hack into the systems that control the projector in your planetarium. [he and JOUNOUCHI quickly step into the elevator] You'll be surprised to see where you are at the moment, I'm sure. Have a nice trip!

[the elevator doors close; at the same time, the projected image of the panorama view fades. The five people and one Chihuahua suddenly find themselves standing in a space capsule......and the door's shut, having closed with the elevator doors. The capsule begins to shake as the engines fire up]

SETO [rushing over to the viewport in the capsule door]: *KAGESHI*! You can't do this!

KAGESHI [waving jauntily from the elevator as it begins to descend from the launch zone]: You'd be surprised what I can do, Kaiba!

[the capsule blasts off, plastering the duellists and Bride (and cute puppy) against the rear bulkhead with the g-force. An unspecified time thereafter, the capsule docks with a large satellite of disturbingly familiar form. A hatch opens from the capsule directly onto the bridge......which does look just like the Satellite of Love's bridge]

YUUGI [staggering out of the hatch]: Wh-where *are* we? [he reaches back to help ANGEL out]

ANGEL: Oh, dear ...

JOU [clutching his head in his little paws]: [whimpers]

SETO [groaning as he peels himself off the bulkhead]: Kageshi .........gonna *kill* Kageshi.........make *sure* he's thoroughly dead......

MALIK [also groaning and unsteady]: I would like to *not* take that ride again, if possible.

RYOU [muffled]: Owww . . .

[the Viewscreen activates, revealing KAGESHI's smirking face and the Game Shop behind him]

KAGESHI: Welcome to the Satellite of Duellists. Ahh, everyone made it in one piece. How fortunate. Ah, what's up with Bakura?

[SoD]

YUUGI: He was stuck under all of us. [he climbs back into the capsule to scrape RYOU off the bulkhead with a spatula]

SETO: Kageshi......

[Game Shop]

KAGESHI: Ah, ah, Kaiba. Not another word. You'll only make it harder on yourself. *Jounouchi*!

JOUNOU [jumping up quickly from the couch]: Yes, Kageshi-sama sir?

KAGESHI: Is the fic-sender ready?

JOUNOU: Yes, Kage-sama sir!

[SoD]

MALIK: The......fic-sender?

[YUUGI drags RYOU'S semi-conscious body out of the capsule and puts him down on the floor near the console; JOU jumps off ANGEL's lap and begins licking RYOU's cheeks in an attempt to help him regain full consciousness]

[Game Shop]

KAGESHI: Oh, yes. You see, I'm going to repay each and every one of you for making me suffer......and what better way than to make *you* suffer? You're going to have to read whatever I send you, and it's going to *hurt*, boys and girl!

[SoD]

RYOU [coming around]: B-but what did *we* do to *you*?

[Game Shop]

KAGESHI: Where to start? How about with the dear rich boy, Seto Kaiba? The man who tried to make me believe that he was my creator?

[SoD]

SETO: I *was*. I am, actually. You're a figment of my imagination.

[Game Shop]

KAGESHI: Don't interrupt me when I'm detailing my maniacal plot, thank you. Then, of course, there's Mutou, who kept me from achieving my goals -- and Angel herself, for just *being*. And *you*, Ishtar, because your "chivalry" gives me a rash. And *you*, Bakura, for interfering and being so......*nice*. And *you*, you little......whatever the hell you are, Jou......just......just *because*! Because you're there!

[SoD]

JOU: Woof! [makes a gesture at the screen that loses very little of its meaning despite being made by a small cute creature]

[Game Shop]

KAGESHI: JOUNOUCHI!

JOUNOU [dropping a magazine]: Yes sir!

KAGESHI: Send them the fic!

JOUNOU [pulling a lever]: Sent!

KAGESHI: Now, run along into that theatre, or else you'll die in agony as I bleed the air out of the satellite! -- oh, and don't flame the author of the fic directly, don't even bother trying to get out of the theatre before *I* decide to let you out or at the end of the fic, be mindful of the Fourth Wall, don't stick gum under the seats, and please deposit all trash in the provided receptacles. Thank you.

[SoD. All the klaxons, flashing lights, and mild pandemonium one could expect is taking place. The duellists mill around and finally bolt down the passageway to the theatre]

ANGEL [sitting sedately at the console]: I wonder if I'm supposed to go along?

JOU: Woof?

[the duellists take their seats -- from left to right: MALIK, YUUGI, SETO, and RYOU]

YUUGI: I hope Angel will be alright out there......

MALIK: How much trouble could she get into? We're stuck on a satellite in high orbit.

SETO: You'd be surprised.

> Disclaimer: I do not own YuGiOh, Kim Possible or Hostess!

>

>A/N: *.*

RYOU: =^-.-^=

MALIK: What in the hell is that?

RYOU: Kitten =^-.-^=

YUUGI: :D

SETO: XD

>HA HA!! I was bored... and decided to write a one shot.

RYOU: At least it's a one-shot. I hate those endless chapters.

SETO: You're not the only one.

>XD This is similar to a fic a friend wrote, you know the whole oblivious innocent... thing.

YUUGI: Oh God, not one of these fics. I'm sick of being portrayed as a child!

>Anyway yeah. ^.^ I had fun writing this! XD

>

>::Twinkies::

MALIK: What kind of Twinkies is she talking about?

KAGESHI [V.O.]: You'll find out soon enough [giggles maniacally and V.O. switches off]

YUUGI: Am I right or is he the only evil dude that giggles?

SETO: You have Yami Bakura.

YUUGI: Point taken.

RYOU: O.O You guys are lucky my yami ain't here......

>"What are you doing?" Jou sat down next to his best friend, Yugi. >The multi-color haired boy was bent over some sort of odd looking >cross between a taco and nachos.

SETO: *shudders* Puppy dog.

JOUNOU: [V.O. crackles] I heard dat! You're lucky I don't feel like using the laser cannons Kageshi-sama had installed last week.

KAGESHI: [V.O.] Jounouchi......?

JOUNOU: [V.O.] Yes, Kage-sama-sir??

KAGESHI: [V.O.] GET OFF THE BLOODY INTERCOM! [V.O. crackles off with faint "OW!"s]

MALIK: A week ago? How long has he been planning this? [everyone shrugs and turns back to the fic]

>"Eating a Naco of course!" He grinned.

>"A... Naco?"

>Yugi set the contraption down. "Honestly, don't you ever watch >Kim Possible? It's a cross between a Taco and Nachos."

RYOU: Thank you, oh lord of the obvious.

>Jou cocked an eyebrow. "No, I don't watch Kim Possible. You >know why?"

>"Why?"

>"BECAUSE WB WOULD SUE ME!" Jou snatched the Naco from >Yugi's hand. "And that stuff is bad for ya."

>"Hey! I have a right to eat what I want." Yugi stood up, trying to >get the Naco back, but Jou danced around him,

MALIK: [gets up on his chair and imitates an Egyptian dance around YUUGI, who blushes. He starts singing while attempting to take off his shirt but is held down by RYOU] I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts......

KAGESHI [V.O.]: MALIK! NO STANDING ON THE SEATS!

MALIK: [grumbles and sits back down] They never allow me to have any fun......

>and Yugi was too short to reach it anyway.

YUUGI: [sighs dejectedly] Why am I the shortest person in the show?

SETO: You probably got it from your old man. [turns back to the fic at a death glare from YUUGI]

>"Give it back!"

>"Not unless you want to talk about copyright infringement." Jou >grinned and dashed off. Yugi crossed his arms and sulked.

>"Fine." He sat down again. "I'll just eat a twinkie. I've got a craving >for one of those anyway." He blinked for a moment. "But first I >need to get one! Perhaps Honda will have a twinkie!" Yugi grinned >and stood up once more, in search of Honda. He found the tall boy >trying to smuggle ice cream out of the cafeteria again.

RYOU: So that's where all the ice cream has been disappearing to lately. The cafeteria ladies thought it was rats.

MALIK: Rats with strange mohawks, you mean.

>"Oh, hey Yugi." Honda called. "Tell me if the hallway's clear."

>Yugi looked down both ways and nodded. Honda dashed out into >the hallway, Yugi following, with the ice cream. "Say, Honda?" >Yugi asked.

>"Hm?"

>"Do you have a twinkie?"

SETO: [as Honda] What flavour? I have chocolate, strawberry and this one which tastes rather salty.

YUUGI: TMI! TMI, Kaiba!

>Honda stopped abruptly and turned to face Yugi. "Yes…"

>Yugi's eyes widened. "Can I have your twinkie then?"

>Honda stared harder at the shorter boy. "It's -my- twinkie and I >don't think you want it."

>"But I do!" Yugi stomped his foot.

RYOU: [as Yugi] *STOMP* **CRUNCH** OWIES!

YUUGI: [death glare]

>"I'm hungry!"

>Honda's eyes widened and he dashed down the hallway, scared half >to death at Yugi's sudden interest in his twinkie. Yugi's eyes filled >with tears.

ALL except YUUGI: [crowd] Awwww……

YUUGI: *sweatdrops*

>"I just wanted to eat his twinkie…" Sniffling, Yugi trudged down >the hallway in search of someone else who might be able to give >them their twinkie.

>After a minute or so of wandering, Yugi met up with Seto. Seto >was holding Ryou upside down trying to drain the poor boy of his >lunch money.

SETO: Hang on - since when do I bully people for their lunch money? I'm a frickin' billionaire for cryin' out loud!

RYOU: And since when am I everyone's target?

KAGESHI [V.O.]: This is a comedy, remember, so everyone's OOC. And remember; no flames to the author.

>"Seto!" Yugi grinned.

>Seto stopped shaking Ryou. "What?"

>"Do you have a twinkie?"

>Seto dropped Ryou on his head and protected his twinkie. "What if >I said yes?"

SETO: Oh god, this person is not me……

YUUGI: [as Yugi in fic] You wouldn't deny me your twinkie, would you, Seto-chan?

ALL: [eyes widen and they back away from YUUGI]

>Yugi clapped his hands. "Will you let me have your Twinkie? >Honda ran off before I could eat his."

>Seto shook his head. "You're too innocent for my twinkie. But >Ryou here would be glad to let you have his!" And he dashed off >down the hallway looking for another victim.

RYOU: [blushes furiously]

MALIK: Well, I think I know where this fic is going to end up [gives his friend a knowing glance]

>Yugi, suddenly concerned for Ryou's health, helped the boy up. >"Thanks" Ryou smiled.

>"Anytime." Yuugi grinned. "So, can I have you twinkie?"

>Ryou blushed.

SETO: [looks between Ryou and the fic] Hey! Ryou's doing a real-life imitation! Would this mean……you and Yuugi……? [bursts out laughing and receives death glares from the two boys]

>"Well… if you want it. But let's go somewhere more private."

>Yugi looked confused. "To eat your twinkie?"

>Ryou nodded.

>Yugi blinked. "Why can't I have it here?"

>Ryou's face grew even redder. "I don't feel comfortable out in the >open. What if...... someone sees us?"

RYOU: [covers his eyes] That is not *me*. I don't know who it is, but it's *not* me.

MALIK: You know, this fic ain't half-bad. [smiles wickedly and uses the sennen rod to poke the silver-haired boy]

>Yugi sighed. "All right. Let's just go in here." He motioned to an >empty classroom. Once inside, Ryou's hand reached for his zipper.

ALL [including RYOU]: +.+

>Yugi blinked. "Ryou! What are you doing?"

>"Getting out my twinkie..." Ryou said.

>"You mean... your twinkie's in there?"

SETO: [under his breath] No shit, Sherlock.

>"That's where it always is."

>"I always keep mine in my lunchbox." Yugi shrugged.

>Ryou looked suddenly embarrassed. "You mean a real Twinkie? >Like... from Hostess?"

>Yugi shrugged. "Well, yeah... what else did you think I was talking >about?"

YUUGI: You know, sometimes this whole "innocent me" thing gets out of hand......

>Blushing, Ryou leaned in to explain to Yugi what everyone else had >thought he had said. Yugi's face grew redder and redder with ever >second. "Oh my...!" Yugi stepped back. "What have I done?"

MALIK: Only scared the world half to death [receives a death glare from YUUGI]

>Ryou laughed. "Don't worry about it Yugi." He placed a friendly >arm around his shoulder. "Let's go get one of those Naco's."

>"All right!"

RYOU: [eyes peek over his hands] Is it over?

[they rush for the doors, which open easily; the duelists flee the theater]

[SoD bridge. ANGEL is sitting at a small table in the corner, sipping tea; JOU is devouring dog biscuits. The four duelists stumble out of the passageway]

YUUGI: There really can't be a worse thing than loosing your innocence, can there be?

SETO: I hope not, but who can say for sure?

RYOU: [hands twitching] I want to relax. I want to relax. I want to relax.

ANGEL: [pointing to a passageway] There's a dual arena down there.

RYOU: There *is*?!

MALIK: What *else* did you discover, Angel?...... Wait, why didn't you die in agony as Kageshi siphoned all the air out?

ANGEL: Oh, he didn't do that. Jounou broke that button.

MALIK: Oh......

ANGEL: As to what I found, well, there is seven bedrooms, each with a bathroom, a fully-stocked kitchen, a library and an entertainment room - that's where the dual arena is......

YUUGI: Not bad for a space-born prison. [he looks around at the others] Look......we can't let him break us. We have to fight! No matter how bad it is, we have to be strong!

SETO: You're such an inspiration......

RYOU: I want a nap.

MALIK: I just have one question......

YUUGI: What?

MALIK: Where did that bugger get the money for all of this?

[the Incoming Message light on the console begins to blink]

SETO: What's *that*?

ANGEL: The communication system [she pushes the button and the Viewscreen lights up]

[Game Shop. KAGESHI is smirking into the Viewscreen; JOUNOUCHI is in the background surrounded by bits of wiring and a disassembled console of some kind]

KAGESHI: Well, what did you think?

[SoD]

YUUGI: [visibly steeling himself to put on a good face]: It's wasn't enough to break us! It was *funny* at some extent, I guess, but really it was just irritating.

SETO: [looking bored] The worst irritation was Yuugi being classed as far too innocent. [he shrugs] You'll have to do better than that, Kageshi.

RYOU: There were some spelling mistakes and some awkward structure, but the most annoying thing to me was the constant "innocent" thing. Most of those things weren't very funny the first time and they didn't need repeating over and over again.

MALIK: [folding his arms] The poor characterization struck me as the most aggravating. Kaiba acting like a bully, Hiroto stealing ice cream from the cafeteria, Yuugi innocent, Ryou having a thing for him and being easily flustered and embarrassed. Annoying, slightly painful and utterly meaningless.

[Game Shop]

KAGESHI: Oh. Uh......well, does anyone feel like begging for mercy?

JOUNOU: I'll do it!

KAGESHI: Shut up and keep working, Jounouchi. I want that instrumentation repaired.

[SoD. The duelists look around at each other]

YUUGI: You want us to......beg for mercy?

[Game Shop]

KAGESHI: Well, yes.

[SoD]

SETO: I think I speak for all of us when I say...... [he bursts out laughing]

[the others join in the laughter - except for Angel. She's trying to administer the Heimlick maneuver to JOU, who's managed to get a piece of cookie stuck in his throat]

[Game Shop. KAGESHI glares hatefully into the Viewscreen as the duelists laugh uproariously]

KAGESHI: <mutter> I must plan further, I see. [louder] *Jounouchi*! Push the button!

JOUNOU: Right, Kageshi-sama-sir! [he tries to run over to the console but tangles his legs up in the wiring. He winds up tripping and slamming into Kageshi, who topples over onto the console, smacking his forehead on the button]

*PWOOSH*!

Disclaimers [in case you missed them the first time around]:

Original story written by: Kitzaku-san

MSTing written by: Bakura's Snow Angel [and her Malik slave]

Mystery Science Theatre 3000 is owned by Best Brains, Inc.

All "YuGiOh!" characters are the property of Kazuki Takahashi, KidsWB, Nickelodeon and any other TV stations. I have used them here without permission but hopefully I will not be viciously sued, as I will not be able to buy any cool YuGiOh stuff if I'm broke =^-.-^=

Comments may be sent to:: bakurassnowangel@hotmail.com

You can send flames too, but I prefer more civilized discourse as befits mature adults in this society. Nyaaaaaahh!!