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Episode Two: Guest Host Glen Quagmire

Disclaimer: We do not own any of the anime or cartoon characters used in this piece. We are just having fun and are making no profit.

A/N: Please enjoy this rewrite.

Sisterhood Inc

Presents

The Dating Game: Anime Edition

Episode 2

A Supreme Rulers Production

The Theme to the Dating Game begins to play as the Announcer introduces the host. "Welcome to the Dating Game: Anime Edition and here's our special guest host GLENNN QUAGMIREEEEE!"

Love Machine by The Miracles starts to play. Quagmire walks out to the podium dressed in a traditional black tuxedo. The crowd cheers.

"Thank you! Thank you! Hello ladies! Welcome to the Dating game where none of the ladies walk away as losers. If you know what I mean! Giggity, Giggity , Giggity! Ho!" he says with a pelvis thrust. "It's time to introduce you all to today's lovely eligible bachelorettes. And here they are. First up bachelorette #1. She hails from Domino City and is a Career Duelist. She loves men who are loaded and prefers the finer things in life. Ho!" he says with another pelvis thrust Please welcome ... the enchanting and voluptuous MAI "will you be mine" VALENTINE!" Quagmire introduced.

My love is like Woo by Mya starts to play, while the audience waits for Mai to come out on stage. She walks out of the heart shaped door wearing a revealing crimson red dress, picture J-lo's green Grammy dress from a couple of years ago. Mai glares at the camera pissed. She walks over to Quagmire and slaps him.

"You no good pervert!" Mai shouted.

"Ooh, feisty! Giggity! Giggity!" Quagmire purred.

Mai heads over to her chair behind the divider. The Men roar their approval of her outfit. While the women cheer her slapping Quagmire.

"Next up bachelorette #2. Hailing from Tokyo, Japan, she is the Senshi of Thunder. She loves cooking and gardening. And hopes to one day own a bakery slash flower shop. Please welcome ... the mesmerizing and tantalizing MAKOTO "we can cook something hot anytime" KINO!"

Whenever, Wherever by Shakira starts to play, while the audience waits for Makoto to come out on stage. She walks out of the heart shaped door wearing a sleeveless silk emerald green dress that has a split on the side that shift toward the center of her knees. Makoto smiles warmly at the camera. She takes a seat next to Mai behind the divider. Mai is still glaring in Quagmire's direction. The Men roar their approval for her dress.

"Finally last and certainly not least bachelorette #3. Hailing from Tokyo, Japan, she is the reincarnation of a five hundred-year-old priestess. She loves boys with puppy dog-ears and hates it when men pine away for ex-girlfriends. Please welcome ... the scintillating and sizzling KAGOME "I'll be your dog just yank my leash!" HIGURASHI!"

Bad Medicine by Bon Jovi starts to play, while the audience waits for Kagome to come out on stage. She walks out of the heart shaped door wearing a tight black low cut dress with shimmering blue specks. Kagome narrows her eyes at the camera angrily. She marches over to Quagmire and slaps him super hard.

"You creep!" Kagome yelled completely offended.

Quagmire holds cheek with a smile. "I like a girl with fire! Ho!" he stated followed by a pelvis thrust.

Kagome takes her seat behind the divider next to Makoto. Mai and Kagome are seething mad. The men of the audience praise her outfit while the ladies cheer on her actions.

"And now introducing our Bachelor. He hails from Tokyo, Japan and is a Novelist. He likes reading, writing and flirting with beautiful women and dislikes player haters. Please welcome ... SHIGURE SOHMA!" Quagmire introduced.

Simultaneous by Chef starts to play, while the audience waits for Shigure to come out on stage. He walks out of the heart shaped door wearing a fine cut dark blue suit. He gives the camera a cheesy grin and walks over to his chair.

"Alright then, you ready with your questions?" Quagmire asked Shigure nodded. "Great remember I got dibs on your cast-aways. Giggity! Giggity!"

"Okay, Bachelorette #3, Everyone knows the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. What is the best dish you are able to prepare?" Shigure asked barely able to suppress his laughter.

Kagome takes sharp breath then sighs. "Well I'm proud of my breakfast dishes. Eggs and that sort of thing are easily my best dishes." She answered as calmly as she could.

"Bachelorette #2 same question."

"Well I am proud of all my cooking. It's easily my best skill. But I am most proud of my desserts." Makoto said clasping her hands while her eyes sparkled.

"Right, same question #1."

Mai unable to contain her anger answers curtly. "Revenge, served cold."

Shigure shivers at her tone. "Moving on, bachelorette #2 being a novelist I need a lady who is up on her reading. What is the last book you read?"

"I read a book on gardening tips." Makoto answered blushing.

"#3 same question."

"I've been too busy to read any books other then my course study books!" Kagome answered in an irritable tone.

"Right. #1 What would you say is your best quality?" He asked.

"My beauty of course!" Mai snapped.

"And she sure is hot! Ho!" Quagmire added.

"Shut up you pervert!" Mai shouted at Quagmire.

Shigure blinks not sure what to think. "#3, Looking toward your fellow Bachelorettes what is the one word you would use to describe them?"

"Well #2 I would say kind. And #1 I would say elegant." Kagome said thoughtfully.

"#1 same question."

"#2 is a sweetheart and #3 strong-willed." Mai answered matter-of-factly.

"#2, what are your fellow bachelorettes dressed like?" Shigure asked dying to know what the ladies were sporting.

"#1, looks like she is wearing a Jennifer Lopez design and #3 is dressed slightly conservative yet elegant." Makoto described, at the mention of Jennifer Lopez Shigure perked up.

"#3 same question."

"I agree that #1 is wearing a Jennifer Lopez type outfit and well #2 is dressed slightly risqué yet tasteful." Kagome answered and Shigure once again keyed to the Jennifer Lopez comment.

"Alright it's time to choose, will it be bachelorette #1 Hot Mama, bachelorette #2 Sweet Mama or bachelorette #3 Saucy Mama Ho!" Quagmire asked with a pelvis thrust.

The crowd shouts their different opinions.

Shigure look to be in deep thought. "If one of them is dressed like Jennifer Lopez then I have to pick her." He thought. "Well they all seem like winning choices but I'll go with #1"

The camera pans to Mai who sighs. She hugs Kagome and Makoto. Neither one seem too disappointed to have lost.

"Now let's meet the bachelorettes you didn't choose." Quagmire suggested as Shigure stands by the divider.

"First up meet the Sweet Mama, Ms. MAKOTO KINO! Ho!" he introduced with a pelvis thrust.

Makoto walks out from behind the divider. Shigure flashes a smile, bows and politely kisses her hand. Makoto blushes shyly as she walks away.

"Next up meet Saucy Mama, Ms. KAGOME HIGURASHI! Gigg-ity!"

Kagome walks out from the barrier. She smiles at Shigure. He once again bows and kisses her hand. She then walks over to Quagmire and slaps him again.

"What a woman! Ho! Finally the moment of truth, let's meet the lady you did pick. Hot Mama, Ms. MAI VALENTINE!" Quagmire purrs

Mai walks out from behind the barrier. Shigure is speechless as she walks to him and kisses him on the cheek.

"Alright we're going to be sending you two off to the sunny beaches of the Caribbean, where you are going to spend one fun filled week in the fabulous Hilton Resort hotel. Airfare included." Quagmire announced.

Shigure rest his hand on Mai's back as they both smile for the camera.

"We'll be back with more Dating game after these messages!"

-------------------

"Thank you! Thank you! Welcome back! Now it's time to introduce you all to today's eligible bachelors fighting for the chance to win the heart of our oh so sexy bachelorette! Ho!" He does more pelvis thrust. "And here they are. First up bachelor #1. Hailing from the Warring States Era of Feudal Japan. He is a Monk, who loves the ladies and is looking for the lucky woman to bear his children. Please welcome ... MIROKU!"

Groove Me by King Floyd begins to play, while the audience waits for Miroku to come out on stage. He walks out of the heart shaped door wearing black slacks and blue polo shirt. Miroku nibbles his bottom lip slightly and winks at the camera. He walks over to his chair behind the divider. The fan girls swoon.

"Next up bachelor #2. He hails from Spirit World and is a Spirit Detective. He loves plants and nature and is looking for the woman who can unleash the beast in him ow!... Please welcome ... KURAMA!"

Fire by Ohio Players starts to play, while the audience waits for Kurama to come out on stage. He walks out of the heart shaped door wearing black slacks and red shirt that has the first two buttons unhooked. Kurama flashes a sparkling smile at the camera. The fan girls swoon. He takes a seat next to Miroku behind the divider.

"Next up bachelor #3. He hails from the Paradigm City and is a Negotiator. He wants to solve the mysteries of his past and find a lady to share his future... Please welcome ... ROGER SMITH!"

Smooth Operator by Sade starts to play, while the audience waits for Roger to come out. He walks out of the heart shaped door wearing his signature black suit. Roger just gives the camera a suave stare. The fan girls scream like concert go-ers. Roger takes a seat next to Kurama behind the divider.

"And now introducing our beautiful bachelorette. She hails from Parts Unknown and is a top bounty hunter. She may travel from port to port but she ain't easy! I should know I asked! Ho!" he says with a pelvis thrust. "Please welcome ... The Incomparable and Delectable FAYE "Be Mine" VALENTINE!"

Brickhouse by The Commodores starts to play, while the audience waits for Faye to come out on stage. She walks out of the heart shaped door wearing a very revealing black dress. This dress leaves pretty much nothing to the imagination. She looks at the camera determined as she walks over to Quagmire and slugs him. Then she walks over to her seat. The ladies cheer her bravado while the men are trying to catch peaks at what is covered.

Quagmire begins rubbing his chin. "Hey alright... giggity, giggity! Well my Spicy Mama are you ready to ask your questions?"

Faye rolls her eyes annoyed. "Yeah, Bachelor #1 What would you say is your best quality?"

"Well I'm glad you ask, I think my best quality is my sincerity." Miroku answered with obvious fake smoothness.

Kurama and Roger scoffed.

"#2 same question."

"My best quality? I always considered my determination to an asset." Kurama said simply.

"#3 same question."

"My problem solving skills." Roger said matter-of-factly.

"#3, I am a woman who likes a little romance sometimes, if we went on a date what would you do to impress me?"

"Well first I would treat you like a Queen, taking you to the finest restaurant for a candle light dinner, then maybe a little dancing afterward." Roger said pouring on the charm.

Miroku and Kurama scoff at his nerve.

"That sounds nice. #2 same question."

"I think I would try to win you over with a home cooked meal. Afterwards we could go for a walk in the park under the moonlit sky." Kurama said honestly.

"These guys are smooth." Faye thought. "#1 Do you wear Boxers or Briefs and why?" she asked aloud.

"Neither I go natural." Miroku said frankly.

Faye slightly laughs. "#3 same question."

"Boxers, less restraining." Roger said flatly.

Faye smiled. "#2 what does #3 look like?"

Kurama looked over to Roger. "He looks like an undertaker." The audience laughed. Roger glares at Kurama.

"#1 what does #2 look like?"

Miroku looked over to Kurama. "He looks very much like a pretty boy pop star." The audience laughs hard. Kurama glares at Miroku.

"#3 describe #1?" Faye asked amused by their description so far.

Roger looked over to Miroku. "He looks like a Japanese Tiger Woods right now." The audience laughs harder. Kurama snickered while Miroku glared at both Roger and Kurama.

"Well my lovely bachelorette the moment of truth has arrived. Who will you choose? Will it be Bachelor #1, Bachelor #2 or Bachelor #3?" Quagmire signaled.

The audience yelled out suggestions. Faye looked a bit confused but the one who sounded loaded had to be… "I guess I choose Bachelor #3." She said aloud.

Roger smiled smugly as Miroku and Kurama frown but shrug off the defeat.

"Let's meet the bachelors you didn't choose." Quagmire said as Faye stands up by the divider.

"First up, bachelor #1, meet MIROKU!"

Miroku walks around the barrier. Faye smiles and gives him a hug. Miroku promptly feels up her bottom. She slugs him.

"How dare you! You snake!" Faye said angrily.

"It's worth the pain isn't Miroku!" Quagmire said as Faye walked over and slugged him again. "I love a strong woman. Giggity, giggity! Ho!"

Miroku walks away rubbing his chin and grinning as Faye returns to the barrier.

"All right, next up is bachelor #2, meet KURAMA!"

Kurama walks around the barrier. Faye is cautious as Kurama takes her hand and kisses it. She gives him a friendly hug and smiles as he walks away.

"Finally the moment you've been waiting for. Meet the bachelor you did pick. ROGER SMITH!"

Roger walks from behind the barrier. Faye smiles as they both check each other out. She hugs him and he kisses her lightly on the cheek.

"Alright we're going to be sending you two off to the sunny beaches of the Caribbean, where you are going to spend one fun filled week in the spectacular Ritz Carlton Hotel Resort. Airfare included." Quagmire said with his usual gusto.

Shigure and Mai return to the stage holding hands, while Faye and Roger are also holding hands.

"Well I would like to thank all our contestants for playing the Dating Game! Tune in next time when the Special Guest host will be Chef! Until next time!"

[Fade out]

[Bonus Footage: Behind the Scenes]

Faye, Mai and Kagome are in the wardrobe area looking at their dresses in the mirror. Suddenly Quagmire comes busting out of his dressing room completely naked. There is a blur over his private region. Kagome screams and covers her face.

"Hello ladies! How do I look? Ho! Giggity, giggity, giggity!" Quagmire said doing pelvis thrust.

"Dammit! Put your f[bleep] clothes on right now!" Faye snapped.

"What exactly are you showing off!" Mai asked disgusted.

Wardrobe lady walks in and screams.

"Put some clothes on right now before I call security!" Wardrobe lady shouted.

Quagmire walks back into the dressing room.

Wardrobe lady's voice over can be heard. "I may be blind now that I saw that jerk naked. This job has gotten hazardous since we started dealing with anime and cartoon characters. One more incident like that and I quit!"

[Next Scene]

Makoto is eating a snack from the catering tables. Miroku walks up to talk to her.

"Are you a panelist?" he asked kindly.

Makoto slightly blushes as she answers. "Yes, what about you?"

"Yeah, I am apart of segment 2." He said as he moved closer.

"Oh, I'm segment 1 of cour..." Makoto jumped back when she realized he groped her behind. "Excuse me! What do you think you are doing!" Makoto snapped.

Mai comes walking up. She is clearly in a bad mood.

"What's wrong?" Mai asked seeing that sweet Makoto is seething mad.

Makoto puts her plate down, slaps Miroku and storms off. Leaving Mai figure out the problem. Miroku can be clearly seen heading toward Mai with his palm open. Mai instantly spins around before he touches her and slaps him.

"I just got done dealing with a pervert don't you even think about starting." Mai snapped.

[Bonus Footage ends]

A/N: We will continue to write in prose for these stories because parody is a way of life for us now. The potential parodies are to numerous to stop because of some people's jealousy toward creativity.