Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Balance ❯ Fall Under ( Chapter 15 )

Disclaimer: no, really, why do we put these on here? Oh, wait, I know…it's the eternal question! I HAVE FOUND THE ETERNAL QUESTION!

Balance

Chapter Fifteen: Fall Under

'You expect me to know, to predict everything about you!' the man in the mirror said with a raised voice, something quite unlike all he had spoken with in the past. 'You expect me to know of your past, to predict your emotions, to see and accept and perceive and KNOW you!'

I am…I am so wrong… he whispered, his knees pulled up to his chest and his head in his hands. I have no right to a friend like you…

'You think I am a friend!?'

He felt tears stream down his face and did nothing to stop them, unable to see through the horrible liquid glimmer covering his vision.

The words still spun around him, a tight circle ensnaring what little he could see and trapping him against the bonds of time and nature. What existed outside of this orb of truth had stopped moving, stopping breathing, stopped living, stopped existing. Because what was existence, really, but the vitality of life?

He was trapped in a dark hovel of the fear he had banished, locked away in a little corner of his mind and never planned to see again.

PITY

I do not deserve pity, but I receive it because they do not know…and they do not know because I do not tell them…anything…

WANT

I want to tell them, I want to tell them everything…but I cannot, because I am tied down by the bonds of a sorry fate that I have allowed myself to fall under…

HATE

I hate them for not knowing, yet I hate myself for not letting them…and it is the unending circle of life that I have forged for myself…

CRY

I want to cry, want to cry to them all so badly…but I must never cry, because I am strong and I give them strength and have no right to take it back…

SELFISH

I am selfish because I do cry, and I do let go of that strength…and I may never tell them of these things and of these tears because I need to be strong and I need to give strength to them…

I WANT TO DIE

I want it all to end…for once… I want it all to be working for me…just once… I want to be the winner…only once…

'You want to take the coward's way out!'

I do, I do, I do…so much…

Black turned white and colors turned grey, and the eternity of life suddenly ended.

But it's not real…

None of this is real…

'How do you know?'

I am dreaming…

'You take advantage of the fact that you think this is a dream, than you will wake up and life will be all the way you left it. That the lies will continue and everyone will think you are happy and you are strong and you are content.

'And you hope that one day, someday, it will all be true…'

I want it all to be real…

'Without doing any work for it? You want it all to be magic? You want it all to come to you because you said 'Please'?'

I CAN'T DO IT

'Your beliefs tie you down.'

I CAN'T WIN

'You cannot believe that once you might come out first.'

I CAN'T

'Your life is a never-ending spiral of failure because you do not believe you can even try.'

DIE

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Ring!

Yuusuke performed a quick show-offish move and flipped the compact open as he removed it from his pocket. Botan's face fizzed into view and he glared at her dryly.

"Took you long enough," he intoned sourly. She laughed, voice full of nervousness and hand shaking slightly as she held up an official looking piece of paper.

"Maybe so, but I have this," she assured him, waving the paper to hide her quivering hand. "It's a document about the only creature we think could be your culprit. His name is Kurokyoui and he looks just like you described."

Kurama peered over Yuusuke's shoulder and nodded to himself. Hiei blinked at the nod and hung back hesitantly. Kuwabara squinted at the document and tilted his head in confusion.

"D'you have a picture?" he asked hopefully.

Botan smiled cheekily, nodding with vigor. "Sure do! Here-I'll be at your coordinates in a minute and I'll bring the documents with me!"

Kurama smiled weakly, not all too thrilled at the prospect, and nodded. "See you then," he said politely as the compact shut down.

"So that looks like the guy you…knew?" Yuusuke asked Kurama delicately. The kitsune nodded.

Leaning back against the soft, almost plush grass, Kuwabara rapidly diverted the conversation from anything about Kurama and his past sexual experiences. "We can't move, I guess, or Botan won't be able to find us."

Kurama nodded, and Hiei casually turned away to wander to the opposite side of the clearing from Kuwabara. Yuusuke, in turn, sat beside his friend and Kurama followed Hiei to lie beside him.

The pair of Makai natives lay side by side in a companionable silence, observing their surroundings and neither particularly looking forward to the arrival of their "personal" ferry girl. Hiei looked at the clouds and outlined shapes in his mind, while Kurama looked at the patterns the foliage was making with the sunlight and admiring its subtle beauty. Tilting his body just slightly, the kitsune rolled over to nudge himself closer to Hiei and was delighted when the youkai did not pull away.

Kuwabara and Yuusuke, one lying on the ground, the other sitting meditatively against a tree, carried on a dazedly animated conversation about this or that of no real importance. They occasionally looked over at their two friends and wondered what was "going on," as Yuusuke so delicately put it, but discussion became no more relevant than that. Kuwabara blurted the random complaint about just what was taking Botan so long from time to time.

"It's funny," Kurama said finally, speaking for the first time in the three or so minutes they had been waiting. Hiei raised an eyebrow in response.

"I've never noticed how pretty your eyes are."

Hiei glared at him from the corner of said eyes. "Are you flirting with me, kitsune?"

Kurama rolled over on his back and stretched. A smile graced his features and he even laughed softly. "I don't know," he allowed, "maybe I am. You do have very pretty eyes."

"Hn."

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"Is she here yet?" Kuwabara asked for at least the eighth time. Yuusuke groaned and raised his arms to cover his head and, consequentially, his ears.

"Kuwabara… It's been maybe five minutes? Give it a rest!"

Kuwabara sniffed and crossed his arms, muttering about timeliness and ignorant Tantei friends of his.

At that opportune moment, a portal opened just over the ningen's head.

Botan soared down on her oar, stopping dramatically next to Yuusuke's head and steering purposefully clear of Hiei. She removed two documents from her kimono with an overly dramatic flourish and handed them to the teen, smiling happily.

"Here you go!" she announced. "One copy of the document read to you over the compact, and one copy of a photograph of Kurokyoui. Both stamped with Enma's official seal of approval, of course!"

Yuusuke snatched the documents from her and nodded, waving her off. "Ch, 'read to you'… Aa, arigatou. Ja ne."

Momentarily stunned, Botan took a few seconds to recover her…poise before crossing her arms with a loud huff and turning arrogantly away.

"Well, see if I ever help you with something this important again…"

"Aa, aa, ja ne," Yuusuke intoned, more harshly this time and waving at her again, his attention still focused on the documents in his hand. She made a high squeaking noise of some sort and flew off into a portal back to Reikai.

"So," Kuwabara asked, leaning over to look at the photograph, "that's him, ne?"

Yuusuke nodded. "That's who they think he is, anyway… Kurama, want to take a look?"

But Kurama was already behind his friend, looking at the image with a frighteningly blank expression and eyes full of spiteful loathing. He nodded stiffly.

"That's him."

Sallow skin reflected the light of the picture oddly, and Kurokyoui's sunken black eyes glared out with something akin to hatred, but much more…kindly, almost. As though he were trying to console a victim before their final hour. It was altogether eerie, and Yuusuke gave an involuntary shudder.

His long, slick black hair reminded them of Karasu, just another reason for Kurama to despise the creature who had so violated him.

Something in Kurama's tone alerted Hiei to the underlying message, and he turned almost pitying eyes on the kitsune.

'I want him to die.

'And I want it to hurt.'

Yes, that was it.

Hiei gave a tiny smile to his friend.

'I want him to die, too.'

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"Okay…so…" Yuusuke flipped through to the first document again and scanned it one more time, just to be sure. "Kurama, you think we need to go eighty-two degrees southwest, twenty-nine degrees north, and five tenths of a degree east?"

"That's right."

"That's a little specific, don't you think?"

The redhead laughed, but Yuusuke only stared confusedly. He felt he had to be missing something obvious that he didn't like missing, but didn't want to ask about, for fear of revealing that ignorance.

In a similar boat, but much less restrained, Kuwabara butted in and asked plainly, "What exactly is so funny?"

"Oh," Kurama shrugged, "nothing, really. Just the specified location we are to go to-I know of it for a rather interesting reason. It was the place Kurokyoui took me so many years ago when he raped me… I just have a feeling he'll be there."

Hiei hid a small snicker behind one hand, disguising it as a yawn. Kuwabara and Yuusuke dropped their mouths open at how casually Kurama could speak of such a heartbreaking event. The redhead seemed wholly unaffected.

"I don't know why, but it seems almost humorous, so many years later. Something about my frailty, my ignorance…in the face of what I am now…" Kurama smiled cheerfully. "Don't mind it, really. It's nothing."

"Uh…huh."

Hiei smirked and Kurama smiled at their companions' utterly clueless looks.

"Let's go."

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Kitsune: fox

Makai: demon realm

Youkai: demon

Tantei: detective

Ningen: human

Aa: yeah

Arigatou: thank you

Ja ne: see you later

Reikai: spirit realm

Ne: is that right?

Okay! Time for some author notes!

To flyingshadow370 who reviewed chapter one:

Yes, it takes place after the Sensui saga. AU after that, because I think they mention that Yuusuke doesn't get called back to Reikai. But…whatever.

To anoymous who reviewed chapter eleven:

Maybe it was purple fringe…though what that has to do with his being a vain kitsune, I have no idea. …Oh well, whatever.

Kurama and Hiei are starting to get together in the more recent chapters. It's coming, I swear.

To anonymous who reviewed chapter fifteen:

…No, you appear to be a slave to American dubbing. Kurama is actually slightly over one thousand years old. Why the dub changed it, I have no idea, but they definitely did. Where are you getting this nonsense about three hundred years and ten years and I have no idea what you're talking about.

To everyone who has reviewed so far:

Shadow priestess, kikiri-san, sakurasango, Clow Angel, JadedSoul, What2callmyself, Keaide MiKu, shadowchan, Sapphire Angel, Pat, flyingshaodw370, thank you all so, so much! I am elated to see most of you have reviewed more than once and that's so gratifying I can barely even say. Thank you so, so, so much and shadow priestess (who I think might be my top reviewer), I adore you and you totally make my day.

^.^ Domo arigatou gozaimashita!