Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Balance ❯ As if to be Tender ( Chapter 31 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
Disclaimer: have you ever tried to sue an entire state? It’s not as much fun as it sounds, believe me.
Balance
Chapter Thirty-One: As if to be Tender
I don’t know why, he said softly. I guess I just don’t know.
The man in the mirror drew nearer to him, his light footsteps tapping the dirt on which they stood. He made no attempt to hide their soft noise, maybe in an attempt to be submissive.
‘Do you want to?’
He turned his head, not moving very much at all. What, he laughed, can you tell me?
The man in the mirror walked in front of him to look him in the eye. He turned away slightly, not meeting the frozen gaze.
Your eyes are the wrong color, he said. He sounded as though he would cry.
For a moment, Fear was at a loss.
Of all things, he was sad because Fear had the wrong color eyes.
What a fragile thing he was.
‘The…wrong color?’ Fear asked uncertainly.
Yes, yes, the wrong color, he replied bitterly. They are green. They should be red, red as roses, red as blood. Red like fire. Hot like fire. You are a part of me, and so your eyes are a faulty emerald. Faulty like me, your eyes are wrong.
Faulty. Everything was wrong here, wasn’t it? Yes, he had been saying that from the start. Scream and rant, that was all he did, and the man in the mirror was tired of it.
‘You conceited, heartless bastard.’
He looked over, but did not speak. It was only to be expected with such a comment, seemingly unfounded as it was.
And he did not speak, but only looked over with his eyes half lidded in a sad way.
As if to be weak.
As if to be pliant.
As if to be tender.
As if to say…
“Probably.”
‘You don’t know, do you? You don’t know…and you agree, but you don’t know…’
He nodded.
It just makes things easier, I guess.
Easier…
Life wasn’t easier.
‘My life has lost its way. The world is falling apart around me and no one is there to help. My family is going to die and I will have to sit back and watch.’
I’m sorry…
The man in the mirror snapped.
His chest cracked, and his eyes began to bleed with shattered glass.
‘Why!’ he screamed. ‘No! No, no, no! That is all wrong! Why do you take fault for the problems of others? Why is everything because of you? Why do you think you can make everyone feel better, make everything right, make everything sane? You aren’t perfect! You aren’t any more sane than anyone else! You aren’t magical, you aren’t going to make everything right just by pretending!’
He looked off stoically, his eyes set firm on the dirt spanning before him, but his chin was tight and his lips were thin.
I can try, can’t I?
His voice was bitter and cold, but also quivering and weak. He tried to make it hard and it came out in a choke.
The man in the mirror only glared, his cracks and bleeding glass still as if in ice.
‘No,’ he said softly. A note of fierce dominance was held in his tone, and there would be no denying that.
‘No.’
Just…no.
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Tenseness was tangible in the air as they walked. Kurama’s kiss had done perhaps the opposite of what it should, Yuusuke was full of raging energy that needed to be let out but couldn’t, Kuwabara desperately wanted to help but didn’t know where to start, and Hiei had long since given up trying not to feel.
Their destination didn’t help matters at all. It was obvious why Miru had chosen that particular location for their fight. She knew Youko, and she knew his power relied on earth and plants. Ten kilometers out of the forest was bound to be near a city, or at least somewhere lacking in greenery. If Kurama realized this, he hid his frustration well, or maybe he didn’t think it would be a problem. The others hoped he did; if it didn’t occur to him, it was bound to be an indication of his madness.
Yuusuke was feeling absolutely useless. He was supposed to be the detective, he was supposed to be the hero! He was a powerful S-class demon, technical heir to one entire third of Makai, stubborn victor over such foes as Toguro Otouto and Sensui Shinobu. He was Genkai’s heir, for crying out loud! He was the protagonist, he was the big guy! Yet here, in this dank forest heading for this crappy city, he was a third wheel, he was an outsider, he was a know-nothing. Meanwhile, the supposed know-everything, the go-to guy, was an emotional and mental wreck, the stoic kill-everyone-ask-questions-later was torn apart and preoccupied with trying not to show it, and his barely level headed best friend was his only companion. This mission sucked.
Kuwabara was in a similar state, but for a slightly different reason. He had no right being dragged into this situation-this was Kurama’s mess and he’d be damned if he knew how to clean it up. He liked helping his friends out, sure. He always had and he always would. He tried his very hardest to make sure everyone had his fair share of whatever was going on. Kurama was one of his best friends, as could only be expected after all they had gone through together over the years. Plus all those times since high school that Kurama had helped him with homework? He practically owed the guy and arm and a leg. But he wanted them to be an arm and a leg he knew how to give; something like this was way over his head. All of their heads, really.
Hiei didn’t know what to do. A relationship like this was nothing like anything he’d ever experienced, or anything he thought he ever would experience again, as long as he lived. He’d never even heard about something like this happening. And now he was thrust headfirst into a situation he didn’t know how to handle, and he didn’t exactly think he could decipher it soon enough. He needed to maintain his act for Kurama’s sake, but did he really love the other man? And if he didn’t, who would it really serve to keep the façade alive? And most importantly, did he really love Kurama? It was practically impossible to know. He was certain he had never loved anyone in a romantic sense before. It had been a lie to say he had never kissed anyone, of course, and he was no stranger to sex, thanks to the thieves he had lived with for much of his early life and all the others afterwards who took interest in his hirui stone. But love was definitely a new concept, of that he was sure. And this was not the best time to plunge into figuring out the tricky emotion.
Kurama? Well, Kurama was obvious by now.
The fox did try to walk close to his beloved, though, which might have told Hiei something. After nearly half an hour-they were walking rather slowly, so as to give their problems time to come out into the open-he laid his arm around Hiei’s shoulders. Nearly hesitantly, Hiei noticed, and he was almost sure that was a bad thing.
All things considered, yes, it was a very bad thing.
Hiei needed to do something about that.
Draping his own arm around Kurama’s shoulders (with little effort, even considering his height), Hiei tugged Kurama down and himself up to plant a kiss on the other man’s neck.
Kurama nearly stopped walking, he was so surprised, and his rapid blinks did not escape Hiei’s hawk eyes. Getting his casual stride back, he tightened his grip on Hiei’s shoulders and shifted his arm a bit to ensnare more of the shorter man’s chest. Hiei didn’t know whether to smile, glare, or keep on his normal expression and hope it wasn’t too excited. He chose the latter after some deliberation, and the walk was uneventful for another few minutes.
Until Yuusuke had to make a scene.
“Kurama,” he said, and Kurama was tempted to attach the word “blurted” to the phrase.
He nodded. “Yes?”
“Well, I was just wondering, you know, since we’ve never even heard of Miru and Reikai doesn’t know shit about her, and you seem to be pretty familiar,” he rambled, hands folded behind his head. “If you know anything about Miru and her power. Y’know, what kind of power she has, how good she is with it, if she’ll use weapons or not… Stuff like that.” He shrugged. “Or something, anything you know about how she fights. So we can be prepared.”
It was almost cute, how hard he was trying. But Kurama couldn’t help but be a little annoyed at how hard Yuusuke and Kuwabara were trying to become involved in his fight.
It was, after all, his fight.
But he shook his head.
“No, Yuusuke, I’m sorry.”
“Oh…okay.”
Yuusuke edged over a few steps to speak to Kuwabara. They talked animatedly for a few minutes before settling into a more controlled chatter. Kurama smiled; definitely cute. Annoying, but cute.
They were trying so hard…
It was a long moment before he noticed Hiei looking at him intently. He turned, his smile back in place.
“Is there something you wanted to say to me?” he asked. He was a little frightened to note how similar his tone was to the one he used at school.
“Why did you apologize to Yuusuke just then?” the hiyoukai asked with quiet firmness. How odd; one might think he already knew the answer to his question.
“Why?” Kurama repeated softly. “I…I guess I don’t know.”
Hiei raised an eyebrow. He didn’t seem to find this excuse plausible, or at least it was not enough of an answer.
“I guess it just make things easier,” he said awkwardly, gaining conviction as he spoke (albeit not much, Hiei noted casually). “When someone takes the blame, it’s lifting a burden. It’s making things easier for someone else, it’s being a good human being. A good person.”
“Are you implying that you are a good human being?” Hiei asked as Kurama paused, prompting an even longer silence.
“Well, I…suppose I am,” he said, his voice softening, fully realizing the implication of the words. Hiei angled his head away, his features hardening. Kurama accepting his humanity to such a degree did not make Hiei any more likely to open up his emotions to his new lover.
His new demonic lover.
Keyword demonic.
If Kurama wouldn’t accept his demon nature, well, there was little Hiei could do to change that, but to disregard it entirely? And in favor of pretending to be human, of all things. It was simply unacceptable.
“But why do you want to take all these things upon yourself?” Hiei pressed. “Why does it matter so much to you that everyone else be happy? Aren’t you ever-” But Hiei cut himself off. He had been about to accuse Kurama of never being selfish, which just wasn’t true. They both knew it, of course.
“Don’t you ever drop your act?” he asked instead.
Kurama looked taken aback at this blatant statement. He floundered for a moment, collecting his thoughts and trying to reinstate his poise. Hiei would have raised a skeptical eyebrow, but a part of him wanted to show that he was better at containing himself that Kurama was, even though they both did it often and had much practice.
“Well,” Kurama stuttered, “I do, I should think. When I’m around you all, of course. There is no one to hide myself from here, where you all know of my past.”
Hiei scoffed now, insulted at the blatant lie. Kurama thought he could pull something like that over on him? He was losing his mind again.
Yes. Again.
No.
That couldn’t be allowed to happen.
Yuusuke and Kuwabara were still walking with them, albeit silently. For fear of angering them? Maybe, but it was awkward to tell and didn’t really matter. Maybe they were just curious. Whatever the reason, Hiei couldn’t pretend they weren’t there, something that limited his actions an annoying amount.
He couldn’t just take Kurama in a flurry of half-meaningless kisses and such. That would be downright embarrassing for them all, not to mention awkward. He could, in theory, leave the fox with a light peppering of occasional kisses, but that might take some effort and would be costly to slip up on. They had just shared several meaningful discussions, and that didn’t seem like something Kurama wanted to do just then, anyway. Truthfully, Hiei didn’t particularly want to, either.
Could he sate Kurama with a mere hug, a simple arm around the shoulders and the sense that he was there? It was worth a try, and better than anything else he could think of.
So leaning into Kurama’s side to comfort them both, Hiei left his arm hanging over the taller man’s shoulders, toying with the red silk falling down his back.
“You can tell me anything, you know,” he said softly.
The implication behind the words was astoundingly strong, but neither recognized it fully for what it was. Kurama, because he didn’t think he could bear it; Hiei, because he didn’t want to be presumptuous and hurt his friend. Delicate, delicate, the teetering balance was struck. A stalemate, of sorts.
“I’m here.”
As they walked, he reflected that by calming Kurama, he might not be doing the best thing for the team. He was, in effect, shutting the other man off from Yuusuke and Kuwabara, locking him to himself and offering his comfort while keeping Kurama from seeking it elsewhere. What had he told the other two to do? Leave him alone as he spoke with Kurama. What had they done? They had left him alone to speak with Kurama, until finding something themselves which would be of some use. They had allowed him to shut the group into two decided halves. So no one had really been paying attention to that. Or, if they had, Yuusuke and Kuwabara hadn’t deemed it important enough to mention.
And yet, even as he knew all of this…
He couldn’t bring himself to change it.
He wouldn’t back down and speak quietly to Yuusuke, or ask his advice. He wouldn’t stop for a moment and mutter to Kuwabara, insulting him with a hidden sort of admiration. Neither would take the risk to approach him, and he knew it.
He wasn’t used to all this emotion being forced on him, and while he was not afraid, he was too hesitant to act with his heart. That was not the way of Makai, and that was not the way Hiei knew to survive. The mind pulled a person through any situation, and that was that.
“I do love you, you know,” Kurama said, looking forward. Hiei blinked, also keeping his gaze straight ahead. This was certainly a strange situation; Kurama couldn’t be used to getting turned down.
“Yes…” Hiei trailed off, uncertain how to proceed.
“Don’t you love me, too?” Kurama asked. Hiei thought it odd how casually they each spoke.
“I don’t know what love is,” Hiei said.
Kurama nodded. That was not at all odd to hear from the little hiyoukai, all things considered.
“I suppose I knew that,” Kurama said.
They walked for some time before either spoke again.
“I suppose you must take no issue with kissing a person you don’t love,” Hiei said.
“Yes, I suppose so,” Kurama replied. “Or at least, I used to. Now I think it constitutes something a little more personal.”
“How very formal of you,” Hiei noted.
“Hm,” Kurama chuckled lightly. Hiei smiled.
“Another half hour, you think?” Yuusuke called up, jarring the two partners from their thoughts.
“Probably,” Kurama called back, tilting his head.
They walked silently.
Half an hour passed. They could see the edge of the forest before them. The trees thinned for the light, and patches of city concrete were visible. Yuusuke and Kuwabara trotted closer to their companions and the four stood in a line, looking out at the barren stretch of metals and cement before them. There was no greenery at all, and the only chance for some to even sprout was the lake about one kilometer off to what looked like the north.
“Grim, ain’t it?” Yuusuke asked.
Kuwabara smacked the back of his head.
“Let’s go,” Kurama said bravely, although there was not much to be brave about.
A voice echoed from somewhere ahead of them as they approached their destination.
“My people have been lost sheep,” it called. “Their shepherds have led them astray, turning them away on the mountains!”
Miru, they each thought bitterly.
“From mountain to hill they have gone and they have forgotten their fold!”
Her slim outline rose over the horizon like some sort of horrible idol. She flipped her hair arrogantly, appearing to fold her arms Kurama growled deep in his throat, and they all resisted the instinct to back away from him.
“She’s quoting a human bible,” Hiei muttered in mild surprise.
Yuusuke grunted slightly. “I thought she had her own religion, what with all that ‘eyes of God’ shit she was pulling.”
“She probably does,” Hiei said, still looking forward. “That would mean she’s nearing a rank of high S, by Reikai’s standards.”
“You’re all lost!” she shouted down. “Lost in a sea of false promises and misguiding clues! You have forgotten the ways of old, even daring to take human form and live out their sickly lives! You deserve nothing but death!”
The four boys paused for an awkward moment, Miru keeping her haughty poise and standing a good ten meters away from them. Finally Kuwabara spoke.
“Are we going to go in and fight it out like men, or what?” he asked in a vivid reminder of the old days.
They nodded in unison and marched forward, steps synchronized.
“How robotic of you,” Miru called, howling with laughter. “A bunch of little sheep!”
Kurama bit his lip to keep from roaring at the pun, but marched on stolidly.
“That’s right,” she hissed, her voice barely perceptible as they neared. “Follow me to the grave. You fools. Follow me.”
She blinked, and suddenly Kurama held his Rose Whip at his side. Hiei’s hand was on his bandage ward. Yuusuke’s hand glowed bright blue. Kuwabara’s fist was shimmering with a thread of gold.
Miru smiled chillingly.
“You have been most noble warriors,” she said in a mocking tone. “And you all must be commended. Allow me to show you the bare beginnings of my power.”
Spreading her hands in a theatrical dramatization, she opened her mouth and a string of notes fell forth.
It were most unlike anything the Tantei had ever heard before; not melodic, per say, but fiery and threatening in and of itself. Somehow commanding and strong, and with a hint of…of…
…creation?
And that was when they noticed the tree.
A looming rosewood tree some kilometers back, the only greenery around within viewing distance, was writhing and bending into a somewhat animalistic shape. It hunched over, branches twining together to become legs, paws, claws-others rose up and wound into a head shape, a muzzle snarling and showing off the beginnings of sharp teeth that quickly took form. Its eyes glowed a fearsome gold and it snapped its fangs, biting vainly at the air as its back legs, still roots drawing nutrients from the earth, nailed it to the dirt.
Miru closed her mouth and smirked.
“I need only to complete the song,” she taunted, “freeing him from the soil, and he will attack you without mercy, without fear. You will be torn to shreds by his might-do you see his jaws? He will snap your necks.”
She laughed as though she were keeping a great deal more inside of her. Hiei’s fists began to burn and his wards smoked.
“And do not think this is any ordinary fight, oh no. For I can render you immobile, too! That is the power of the choir! It is a song of wishes, a song of the devil’s heart. I have merely to sell a little of my soul to him every time I use it, and I have power without boarders!”
Kurama had long since transformed to Youko, his ears flicking back and forth madly.
“Oh ho, but not everyone can use this devil’s song,” she said, waving a finger back and forth. “It is a special gift possessed by a rare few. Similar to the mazoku, Urameshi Yuusuke, as I’m sure you understand. It is passed down every few generations in my bloodline, and I was lucky enough to catch it for myself!”
Yuusuke bared his teeth in a mirror of the tree beast, which still roared and bucked in the ground behind Miru.
“It must be used most cleverly, and it is not a perfect power,” she said in a stage whisper, as though to divulge a great secret. “It takes ages to master, or even learn, and is very difficult to control. When I remember discovering this might within me, the creatures I created were so pathetic, so mindless, so weak. Oh, they could kill, you understand. But how pitiful they were, without me knowing how to direct them!”
Kuwabara’s Jigen Tou was nearly formed in his hand, and he appeared to try very hard to keep it from coming out in full.
“Ah, but that is enough from me,” Miru said in choking laughter. She noted Youko’s awful sweating with a wry grin.
“Nervous, King of Thieves?”
He shook his head with impressive control. “Furious,” he corrected her. “Trying to keep from killing you on this very spot. We are gentlepersons, and we owe it to each other to fight as such.”
“That we do, sir!” she said with an overzealous salute, winking.
Youko snapped his whip.
“Choose your weapon!” he shouted. “There shall be no limits as to this warrior’s match. We will fight with our honor on the line and lives will not be spared!”
“Agreed!” Miru shouted back. “We shall begin our fight on this spot! I call my first weapon as the power of the choir!”
She let out a single sound and the ground ruptured, revealing even more concrete and stone.
“And I call mine!” Youko replied in the same tone. “As the power of nature!”
Yuusuke and Kuwabara looked between the two fighters, completely ensnared in their own world, and turned to Hiei for guidance. The hiyoukai shook his head and nodded to the pair, indicating that their questions would be answered if they watched.
Kurama, he thought, what are you doing with her? This is so stupid so foolish so blind you’ll get yourself killed! You and your damn pride you can’t lose on me I won’t live if you do. Hollow Kurama is that what you want of me? I will be hollow once again if it is what you want of me but please Kurama please don’t die! You idiot! Don’t die!
“Hajime!” the pair screamed in unison, and suddenly all was a blur, so that it might have been still.
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Makai: Demon Realm, Hell
Otouto: the younger
Hirui: Hiruseiki, tear gems produced by ice maiden tears
Hiyoukai: loosely translated as “fire demon”
Reikai: Spirit Realm
Jigen Tou: Dimension Blade
Hajime: begin
Note: now you see why the kiss scene describes their relationship. Hiei’s trying, he really is (remember he said the theoretical kisses would be “half-meaningless,” not “meaningless”), but I don’t believe he’s entirely capable of loving someone the way Kurama wants to be loved. Not without a lot of time, anyway, which they don’t (I will not allow them to) have. Look at his thoughts just before Kurama’s and Miru’s battle for a peek at what he really feels, but I don’t think he knows how to let it out properly. I write happy shounen-ai sometimes, I promise (i.e., the “If Roses” series), but this time I’m going for “realistic” rather than “feel-good ending.”
Other note: I snagged Miru’s power type from a book series called “Jerle Shannara” by Terry Brooks. In the book, the power is called the “wish song” and is possessed by very few people (possibly two, but I don’t remember exactly). I’m not giving it a name, per say, but referring to it as “the power of the choir” or the “devil’s song” or something (it’s just convenient, okay? Give me a break). It’ll change from time to time. The wish song obviously has more weaknesses there than the power of the choir does here, because two people can use it, but I figured I would be able to manipulate things such that it wouldn’t seem Mary-Sue-ish. For instance, the power of the choir is used mainly (or entirely, I don’t know yet) for transforming things into other things, and Miru can’t make a non-living thing into a living thing.
No, the fact that she said she “has to sell a little of her soul to the devil each time she uses it” will not be its weakness. I’m not doing some Byakko rip-off. She doesn’t literally sell her soul to the devil, it’s a…metaphor. ::shifty eyes:: Yeah, that’s it. A metaphor.
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Balance
Chapter Thirty-One: As if to be Tender
I don’t know why, he said softly. I guess I just don’t know.
The man in the mirror drew nearer to him, his light footsteps tapping the dirt on which they stood. He made no attempt to hide their soft noise, maybe in an attempt to be submissive.
‘Do you want to?’
He turned his head, not moving very much at all. What, he laughed, can you tell me?
The man in the mirror walked in front of him to look him in the eye. He turned away slightly, not meeting the frozen gaze.
Your eyes are the wrong color, he said. He sounded as though he would cry.
For a moment, Fear was at a loss.
Of all things, he was sad because Fear had the wrong color eyes.
What a fragile thing he was.
‘The…wrong color?’ Fear asked uncertainly.
Yes, yes, the wrong color, he replied bitterly. They are green. They should be red, red as roses, red as blood. Red like fire. Hot like fire. You are a part of me, and so your eyes are a faulty emerald. Faulty like me, your eyes are wrong.
Faulty. Everything was wrong here, wasn’t it? Yes, he had been saying that from the start. Scream and rant, that was all he did, and the man in the mirror was tired of it.
‘You conceited, heartless bastard.’
He looked over, but did not speak. It was only to be expected with such a comment, seemingly unfounded as it was.
And he did not speak, but only looked over with his eyes half lidded in a sad way.
As if to be weak.
As if to be pliant.
As if to be tender.
As if to say…
“Probably.”
‘You don’t know, do you? You don’t know…and you agree, but you don’t know…’
He nodded.
It just makes things easier, I guess.
Easier…
Life wasn’t easier.
‘My life has lost its way. The world is falling apart around me and no one is there to help. My family is going to die and I will have to sit back and watch.’
I’m sorry…
The man in the mirror snapped.
His chest cracked, and his eyes began to bleed with shattered glass.
‘Why!’ he screamed. ‘No! No, no, no! That is all wrong! Why do you take fault for the problems of others? Why is everything because of you? Why do you think you can make everyone feel better, make everything right, make everything sane? You aren’t perfect! You aren’t any more sane than anyone else! You aren’t magical, you aren’t going to make everything right just by pretending!’
He looked off stoically, his eyes set firm on the dirt spanning before him, but his chin was tight and his lips were thin.
I can try, can’t I?
His voice was bitter and cold, but also quivering and weak. He tried to make it hard and it came out in a choke.
The man in the mirror only glared, his cracks and bleeding glass still as if in ice.
‘No,’ he said softly. A note of fierce dominance was held in his tone, and there would be no denying that.
‘No.’
Just…no.
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Tenseness was tangible in the air as they walked. Kurama’s kiss had done perhaps the opposite of what it should, Yuusuke was full of raging energy that needed to be let out but couldn’t, Kuwabara desperately wanted to help but didn’t know where to start, and Hiei had long since given up trying not to feel.
Their destination didn’t help matters at all. It was obvious why Miru had chosen that particular location for their fight. She knew Youko, and she knew his power relied on earth and plants. Ten kilometers out of the forest was bound to be near a city, or at least somewhere lacking in greenery. If Kurama realized this, he hid his frustration well, or maybe he didn’t think it would be a problem. The others hoped he did; if it didn’t occur to him, it was bound to be an indication of his madness.
Yuusuke was feeling absolutely useless. He was supposed to be the detective, he was supposed to be the hero! He was a powerful S-class demon, technical heir to one entire third of Makai, stubborn victor over such foes as Toguro Otouto and Sensui Shinobu. He was Genkai’s heir, for crying out loud! He was the protagonist, he was the big guy! Yet here, in this dank forest heading for this crappy city, he was a third wheel, he was an outsider, he was a know-nothing. Meanwhile, the supposed know-everything, the go-to guy, was an emotional and mental wreck, the stoic kill-everyone-ask-questions-later was torn apart and preoccupied with trying not to show it, and his barely level headed best friend was his only companion. This mission sucked.
Kuwabara was in a similar state, but for a slightly different reason. He had no right being dragged into this situation-this was Kurama’s mess and he’d be damned if he knew how to clean it up. He liked helping his friends out, sure. He always had and he always would. He tried his very hardest to make sure everyone had his fair share of whatever was going on. Kurama was one of his best friends, as could only be expected after all they had gone through together over the years. Plus all those times since high school that Kurama had helped him with homework? He practically owed the guy and arm and a leg. But he wanted them to be an arm and a leg he knew how to give; something like this was way over his head. All of their heads, really.
Hiei didn’t know what to do. A relationship like this was nothing like anything he’d ever experienced, or anything he thought he ever would experience again, as long as he lived. He’d never even heard about something like this happening. And now he was thrust headfirst into a situation he didn’t know how to handle, and he didn’t exactly think he could decipher it soon enough. He needed to maintain his act for Kurama’s sake, but did he really love the other man? And if he didn’t, who would it really serve to keep the façade alive? And most importantly, did he really love Kurama? It was practically impossible to know. He was certain he had never loved anyone in a romantic sense before. It had been a lie to say he had never kissed anyone, of course, and he was no stranger to sex, thanks to the thieves he had lived with for much of his early life and all the others afterwards who took interest in his hirui stone. But love was definitely a new concept, of that he was sure. And this was not the best time to plunge into figuring out the tricky emotion.
Kurama? Well, Kurama was obvious by now.
The fox did try to walk close to his beloved, though, which might have told Hiei something. After nearly half an hour-they were walking rather slowly, so as to give their problems time to come out into the open-he laid his arm around Hiei’s shoulders. Nearly hesitantly, Hiei noticed, and he was almost sure that was a bad thing.
All things considered, yes, it was a very bad thing.
Hiei needed to do something about that.
Draping his own arm around Kurama’s shoulders (with little effort, even considering his height), Hiei tugged Kurama down and himself up to plant a kiss on the other man’s neck.
Kurama nearly stopped walking, he was so surprised, and his rapid blinks did not escape Hiei’s hawk eyes. Getting his casual stride back, he tightened his grip on Hiei’s shoulders and shifted his arm a bit to ensnare more of the shorter man’s chest. Hiei didn’t know whether to smile, glare, or keep on his normal expression and hope it wasn’t too excited. He chose the latter after some deliberation, and the walk was uneventful for another few minutes.
Until Yuusuke had to make a scene.
“Kurama,” he said, and Kurama was tempted to attach the word “blurted” to the phrase.
He nodded. “Yes?”
“Well, I was just wondering, you know, since we’ve never even heard of Miru and Reikai doesn’t know shit about her, and you seem to be pretty familiar,” he rambled, hands folded behind his head. “If you know anything about Miru and her power. Y’know, what kind of power she has, how good she is with it, if she’ll use weapons or not… Stuff like that.” He shrugged. “Or something, anything you know about how she fights. So we can be prepared.”
It was almost cute, how hard he was trying. But Kurama couldn’t help but be a little annoyed at how hard Yuusuke and Kuwabara were trying to become involved in his fight.
It was, after all, his fight.
But he shook his head.
“No, Yuusuke, I’m sorry.”
“Oh…okay.”
Yuusuke edged over a few steps to speak to Kuwabara. They talked animatedly for a few minutes before settling into a more controlled chatter. Kurama smiled; definitely cute. Annoying, but cute.
They were trying so hard…
It was a long moment before he noticed Hiei looking at him intently. He turned, his smile back in place.
“Is there something you wanted to say to me?” he asked. He was a little frightened to note how similar his tone was to the one he used at school.
“Why did you apologize to Yuusuke just then?” the hiyoukai asked with quiet firmness. How odd; one might think he already knew the answer to his question.
“Why?” Kurama repeated softly. “I…I guess I don’t know.”
Hiei raised an eyebrow. He didn’t seem to find this excuse plausible, or at least it was not enough of an answer.
“I guess it just make things easier,” he said awkwardly, gaining conviction as he spoke (albeit not much, Hiei noted casually). “When someone takes the blame, it’s lifting a burden. It’s making things easier for someone else, it’s being a good human being. A good person.”
“Are you implying that you are a good human being?” Hiei asked as Kurama paused, prompting an even longer silence.
“Well, I…suppose I am,” he said, his voice softening, fully realizing the implication of the words. Hiei angled his head away, his features hardening. Kurama accepting his humanity to such a degree did not make Hiei any more likely to open up his emotions to his new lover.
His new demonic lover.
Keyword demonic.
If Kurama wouldn’t accept his demon nature, well, there was little Hiei could do to change that, but to disregard it entirely? And in favor of pretending to be human, of all things. It was simply unacceptable.
“But why do you want to take all these things upon yourself?” Hiei pressed. “Why does it matter so much to you that everyone else be happy? Aren’t you ever-” But Hiei cut himself off. He had been about to accuse Kurama of never being selfish, which just wasn’t true. They both knew it, of course.
“Don’t you ever drop your act?” he asked instead.
Kurama looked taken aback at this blatant statement. He floundered for a moment, collecting his thoughts and trying to reinstate his poise. Hiei would have raised a skeptical eyebrow, but a part of him wanted to show that he was better at containing himself that Kurama was, even though they both did it often and had much practice.
“Well,” Kurama stuttered, “I do, I should think. When I’m around you all, of course. There is no one to hide myself from here, where you all know of my past.”
Hiei scoffed now, insulted at the blatant lie. Kurama thought he could pull something like that over on him? He was losing his mind again.
Yes. Again.
No.
That couldn’t be allowed to happen.
Yuusuke and Kuwabara were still walking with them, albeit silently. For fear of angering them? Maybe, but it was awkward to tell and didn’t really matter. Maybe they were just curious. Whatever the reason, Hiei couldn’t pretend they weren’t there, something that limited his actions an annoying amount.
He couldn’t just take Kurama in a flurry of half-meaningless kisses and such. That would be downright embarrassing for them all, not to mention awkward. He could, in theory, leave the fox with a light peppering of occasional kisses, but that might take some effort and would be costly to slip up on. They had just shared several meaningful discussions, and that didn’t seem like something Kurama wanted to do just then, anyway. Truthfully, Hiei didn’t particularly want to, either.
Could he sate Kurama with a mere hug, a simple arm around the shoulders and the sense that he was there? It was worth a try, and better than anything else he could think of.
So leaning into Kurama’s side to comfort them both, Hiei left his arm hanging over the taller man’s shoulders, toying with the red silk falling down his back.
“You can tell me anything, you know,” he said softly.
The implication behind the words was astoundingly strong, but neither recognized it fully for what it was. Kurama, because he didn’t think he could bear it; Hiei, because he didn’t want to be presumptuous and hurt his friend. Delicate, delicate, the teetering balance was struck. A stalemate, of sorts.
“I’m here.”
As they walked, he reflected that by calming Kurama, he might not be doing the best thing for the team. He was, in effect, shutting the other man off from Yuusuke and Kuwabara, locking him to himself and offering his comfort while keeping Kurama from seeking it elsewhere. What had he told the other two to do? Leave him alone as he spoke with Kurama. What had they done? They had left him alone to speak with Kurama, until finding something themselves which would be of some use. They had allowed him to shut the group into two decided halves. So no one had really been paying attention to that. Or, if they had, Yuusuke and Kuwabara hadn’t deemed it important enough to mention.
And yet, even as he knew all of this…
He couldn’t bring himself to change it.
He wouldn’t back down and speak quietly to Yuusuke, or ask his advice. He wouldn’t stop for a moment and mutter to Kuwabara, insulting him with a hidden sort of admiration. Neither would take the risk to approach him, and he knew it.
He wasn’t used to all this emotion being forced on him, and while he was not afraid, he was too hesitant to act with his heart. That was not the way of Makai, and that was not the way Hiei knew to survive. The mind pulled a person through any situation, and that was that.
“I do love you, you know,” Kurama said, looking forward. Hiei blinked, also keeping his gaze straight ahead. This was certainly a strange situation; Kurama couldn’t be used to getting turned down.
“Yes…” Hiei trailed off, uncertain how to proceed.
“Don’t you love me, too?” Kurama asked. Hiei thought it odd how casually they each spoke.
“I don’t know what love is,” Hiei said.
Kurama nodded. That was not at all odd to hear from the little hiyoukai, all things considered.
“I suppose I knew that,” Kurama said.
They walked for some time before either spoke again.
“I suppose you must take no issue with kissing a person you don’t love,” Hiei said.
“Yes, I suppose so,” Kurama replied. “Or at least, I used to. Now I think it constitutes something a little more personal.”
“How very formal of you,” Hiei noted.
“Hm,” Kurama chuckled lightly. Hiei smiled.
“Another half hour, you think?” Yuusuke called up, jarring the two partners from their thoughts.
“Probably,” Kurama called back, tilting his head.
They walked silently.
Half an hour passed. They could see the edge of the forest before them. The trees thinned for the light, and patches of city concrete were visible. Yuusuke and Kuwabara trotted closer to their companions and the four stood in a line, looking out at the barren stretch of metals and cement before them. There was no greenery at all, and the only chance for some to even sprout was the lake about one kilometer off to what looked like the north.
“Grim, ain’t it?” Yuusuke asked.
Kuwabara smacked the back of his head.
“Let’s go,” Kurama said bravely, although there was not much to be brave about.
A voice echoed from somewhere ahead of them as they approached their destination.
“My people have been lost sheep,” it called. “Their shepherds have led them astray, turning them away on the mountains!”
Miru, they each thought bitterly.
“From mountain to hill they have gone and they have forgotten their fold!”
Her slim outline rose over the horizon like some sort of horrible idol. She flipped her hair arrogantly, appearing to fold her arms Kurama growled deep in his throat, and they all resisted the instinct to back away from him.
“She’s quoting a human bible,” Hiei muttered in mild surprise.
Yuusuke grunted slightly. “I thought she had her own religion, what with all that ‘eyes of God’ shit she was pulling.”
“She probably does,” Hiei said, still looking forward. “That would mean she’s nearing a rank of high S, by Reikai’s standards.”
“You’re all lost!” she shouted down. “Lost in a sea of false promises and misguiding clues! You have forgotten the ways of old, even daring to take human form and live out their sickly lives! You deserve nothing but death!”
The four boys paused for an awkward moment, Miru keeping her haughty poise and standing a good ten meters away from them. Finally Kuwabara spoke.
“Are we going to go in and fight it out like men, or what?” he asked in a vivid reminder of the old days.
They nodded in unison and marched forward, steps synchronized.
“How robotic of you,” Miru called, howling with laughter. “A bunch of little sheep!”
Kurama bit his lip to keep from roaring at the pun, but marched on stolidly.
“That’s right,” she hissed, her voice barely perceptible as they neared. “Follow me to the grave. You fools. Follow me.”
She blinked, and suddenly Kurama held his Rose Whip at his side. Hiei’s hand was on his bandage ward. Yuusuke’s hand glowed bright blue. Kuwabara’s fist was shimmering with a thread of gold.
Miru smiled chillingly.
“You have been most noble warriors,” she said in a mocking tone. “And you all must be commended. Allow me to show you the bare beginnings of my power.”
Spreading her hands in a theatrical dramatization, she opened her mouth and a string of notes fell forth.
It were most unlike anything the Tantei had ever heard before; not melodic, per say, but fiery and threatening in and of itself. Somehow commanding and strong, and with a hint of…of…
…creation?
And that was when they noticed the tree.
A looming rosewood tree some kilometers back, the only greenery around within viewing distance, was writhing and bending into a somewhat animalistic shape. It hunched over, branches twining together to become legs, paws, claws-others rose up and wound into a head shape, a muzzle snarling and showing off the beginnings of sharp teeth that quickly took form. Its eyes glowed a fearsome gold and it snapped its fangs, biting vainly at the air as its back legs, still roots drawing nutrients from the earth, nailed it to the dirt.
Miru closed her mouth and smirked.
“I need only to complete the song,” she taunted, “freeing him from the soil, and he will attack you without mercy, without fear. You will be torn to shreds by his might-do you see his jaws? He will snap your necks.”
She laughed as though she were keeping a great deal more inside of her. Hiei’s fists began to burn and his wards smoked.
“And do not think this is any ordinary fight, oh no. For I can render you immobile, too! That is the power of the choir! It is a song of wishes, a song of the devil’s heart. I have merely to sell a little of my soul to him every time I use it, and I have power without boarders!”
Kurama had long since transformed to Youko, his ears flicking back and forth madly.
“Oh ho, but not everyone can use this devil’s song,” she said, waving a finger back and forth. “It is a special gift possessed by a rare few. Similar to the mazoku, Urameshi Yuusuke, as I’m sure you understand. It is passed down every few generations in my bloodline, and I was lucky enough to catch it for myself!”
Yuusuke bared his teeth in a mirror of the tree beast, which still roared and bucked in the ground behind Miru.
“It must be used most cleverly, and it is not a perfect power,” she said in a stage whisper, as though to divulge a great secret. “It takes ages to master, or even learn, and is very difficult to control. When I remember discovering this might within me, the creatures I created were so pathetic, so mindless, so weak. Oh, they could kill, you understand. But how pitiful they were, without me knowing how to direct them!”
Kuwabara’s Jigen Tou was nearly formed in his hand, and he appeared to try very hard to keep it from coming out in full.
“Ah, but that is enough from me,” Miru said in choking laughter. She noted Youko’s awful sweating with a wry grin.
“Nervous, King of Thieves?”
He shook his head with impressive control. “Furious,” he corrected her. “Trying to keep from killing you on this very spot. We are gentlepersons, and we owe it to each other to fight as such.”
“That we do, sir!” she said with an overzealous salute, winking.
Youko snapped his whip.
“Choose your weapon!” he shouted. “There shall be no limits as to this warrior’s match. We will fight with our honor on the line and lives will not be spared!”
“Agreed!” Miru shouted back. “We shall begin our fight on this spot! I call my first weapon as the power of the choir!”
She let out a single sound and the ground ruptured, revealing even more concrete and stone.
“And I call mine!” Youko replied in the same tone. “As the power of nature!”
Yuusuke and Kuwabara looked between the two fighters, completely ensnared in their own world, and turned to Hiei for guidance. The hiyoukai shook his head and nodded to the pair, indicating that their questions would be answered if they watched.
Kurama, he thought, what are you doing with her? This is so stupid so foolish so blind you’ll get yourself killed! You and your damn pride you can’t lose on me I won’t live if you do. Hollow Kurama is that what you want of me? I will be hollow once again if it is what you want of me but please Kurama please don’t die! You idiot! Don’t die!
“Hajime!” the pair screamed in unison, and suddenly all was a blur, so that it might have been still.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Makai: Demon Realm, Hell
Otouto: the younger
Hirui: Hiruseiki, tear gems produced by ice maiden tears
Hiyoukai: loosely translated as “fire demon”
Reikai: Spirit Realm
Jigen Tou: Dimension Blade
Hajime: begin
Note: now you see why the kiss scene describes their relationship. Hiei’s trying, he really is (remember he said the theoretical kisses would be “half-meaningless,” not “meaningless”), but I don’t believe he’s entirely capable of loving someone the way Kurama wants to be loved. Not without a lot of time, anyway, which they don’t (I will not allow them to) have. Look at his thoughts just before Kurama’s and Miru’s battle for a peek at what he really feels, but I don’t think he knows how to let it out properly. I write happy shounen-ai sometimes, I promise (i.e., the “If Roses” series), but this time I’m going for “realistic” rather than “feel-good ending.”
Other note: I snagged Miru’s power type from a book series called “Jerle Shannara” by Terry Brooks. In the book, the power is called the “wish song” and is possessed by very few people (possibly two, but I don’t remember exactly). I’m not giving it a name, per say, but referring to it as “the power of the choir” or the “devil’s song” or something (it’s just convenient, okay? Give me a break). It’ll change from time to time. The wish song obviously has more weaknesses there than the power of the choir does here, because two people can use it, but I figured I would be able to manipulate things such that it wouldn’t seem Mary-Sue-ish. For instance, the power of the choir is used mainly (or entirely, I don’t know yet) for transforming things into other things, and Miru can’t make a non-living thing into a living thing.
No, the fact that she said she “has to sell a little of her soul to the devil each time she uses it” will not be its weakness. I’m not doing some Byakko rip-off. She doesn’t literally sell her soul to the devil, it’s a…metaphor. ::shifty eyes:: Yeah, that’s it. A metaphor.
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