Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Blades and Blood Petals ❯ The Reason ( Chapter 4 )

The Reason

Disclaimer: Hahahahahaha ME own yyh? Ur joking right? Oh, I don't own the song The Reason by Hoobastank either

Summary: its another songfic! ^_^ rnt u all proud of me? Well, this one is right after Kurama gets his memories back, and he's remembering his childhood with Shiori. Yeah, as much of a HieixKurama fic, so for all the people who have read my other 3 songfics, this is different, sorry. I just heard this song and got this idea. And with no further ado, on with the fic!! ^_~

::thoughts::

| Memories |

//song lyrics//

Kurama sat at the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the wooden floor in front of him. Hiei lay fast asleep next to him, his deep breathing the only sound filling the room. ::now I remember everything. But I remember almost nothing of my childhood.:: Looking up from the floor, he eyed a red, leather bound book on one of his bookshelves. Curious, he got off of the bed, careful to not awaken his sleeping lover, and retrieved it.

Sitting back onto the bed he silently opened the book to discover it was a photo album filled with photos of himself throughout his life. Starting from the back (a/n: he starts from the back cus that's closest to the present day him) he smiled slightly at a picture of himself and Hiei sitting on a park bench on a warm summer day. Underneath that there was another picture of himself and Hiei, this one showing Hiei sitting on a grey stone wall crossing his arms and him draping his arm across his chest. Next to that was a picture of him in his school uniform with his arm once again draped over Hiei, who was wearing a black cloak and white scarf, hugging him from behind while smiling.

He flipped the page and saw to his disappointment that it was not more pictures of him and his lover, but of himself with all of his friends. The first one he saw showed himself wearing a pink Chinese shirt with dark reddish pink pants standing behind Hiei, who wore a purple tank top and a grey shirt with the shoulders pushed down. To the left of them in the picture he recognized Kuwabara and Yusuke, Yusuke standing in the front in a white shirt and jeans frowning at the camera while Kuwabara stood behind him in a blue pastel shirt and black jeans shaking his fist. To hi right he saw Atsuko, Yusuke's mother, who wore a greenish yellow shirt, once again drinking from a bottle and resting her arm on the shorter, blue haired Botan in a pink sweatshirt. She stood next Kieko, Yusuke's girlfriend who wore a green shirt and orange pants, who stood in between Puu, Yusuke's spirit beast, and Shizuru, Kuwabara's older sister, who wore a dark blue running suit. And finally, next to Shizuru, stood Koenma in his teenage form wearing his normal blue and red tunic.

Underneath this was another group picture, this one with Yusuke in the center giving the camera a thumbs up with Kieko next to him smiling and Botan next to her with her hands on her shoulders smiling with her eyes closed. Behind Yusuke and Kieko stood Kuwabara grinning widely and raising his hand in a strange way. Next to Yusuke on his other side stood Hiei, who was, once again, not looking at the camera and judging by his expression desperately wished to be anywhere else but there, and behind him stood himself wearing a cream colored coat over a light purple turtle neck.

He almost burst out into laughter when he remembered the next picture, which showed the whole group, including Yukina and Genkai. As he looked at the picture, he remembered the conversation that took place previously perfectly.

| Ogre stood in front of everyone with a camera, and was desperately trying to get everyone to stand still for the picture. "Please please! Everyone stand still!"

Yusuke rolled his eyes. "Yeah like that's gonna work. Just like Hiei's gonna actually look at the camera."

Hiei looked confused. "What's a camera?"

Kuwabara took this opportunity to trick Hiei. He replied while grinning widely "Oh it's a demon eating box. If it takes a picture of a demon then the demon dies instantly."

Hiei's eyes widened and he put up a defensive position right when Ogre said "Ok everyone that's close enough to still. Say cheese!"

Hiei was just about to punch the camera when Yusuke grabbed his wrist to stop him and gripped his shoulder. "Baka, a camera just takes a picture of you. The worst that happens afterwards is you see spots!" |

He flipped the pages as he continued to see different snap shots of him and his friends. He saw one of them at a water park, and probably the only picture with Hiei smiling and actually enjoying himself. Another was of the entire group lounging around frowning on a couch while he stood behind the couch.

After flipping the page one more time he saw pictures of himself in his younger years, probably when he was around ten or so. He had short red hair back then, but still had the same kind look in his eyes. Flipping the page once again, he saw himself around the age of five glaring murderously and looking away from the camera, with while Shiori desperately tried to make him smile for the photographer.

//I'm not a perfect person//

//There are many things I wish I didn't do//

//But I continue learning//

//I never meant to do those things to you//

//And so I have to say before I go//

//That I just want you to know//

As he looked at this picture he suddenly remembered that day as if it were yesterday.

| "Shuichi dear, please look at the camera," Shiori pleaded.

Kurama crossed his short arms and turned his head away. "Why would I want to look at some stupid camera?"

Shiori looked about to cry. "Please Shuichi, please just look at the camera and smile! Do it for mommy"

Kurama turned and glared at his ningen mother. "Why would I look at a stupid camera and smile for YOU?"

Shiori sank to her knees and began to weep at this statement, while Kurama just continued to pout and refuse to look at the camera. |

Kurama looked down at the picture. :: Oh Kaa-san, I was a terrible son to you then. How did you continue loving me?:: he thought to himself.

Kurama turned the next page of the photo album, to once again be confronted with those murderous eyes. Eyes that he now reserved for his most unlikable enemies.

::how could I have been this horrible to the poor woman?:: he thought to himself. ::I know that I considered humans beneath me at that time, but was I really that much of a monster?::

"I really was a demon child, wasn't I," he whispered to himself.

Hiei stirred in his lap. "Stupid fox. You're a demon. Not a child," he mumbled in his sleep.

Kurama chuckled, bent over, and snuggled his nose into Hiei's hair. "You really are a light sleeper aren't you?"

Hiei didn't respond, as he was still fast asleep. Lifting his head, Kurama sighed. ::Why doesn't Kaa-san hate me?::

Hiei mumbled again. "Because you changed baka."

//I've found a reason for me//

//To change who I used to be//

//A reason to start over new//

//and the reason is you//

Kurama looked down at his sleeping lover again. "So, you can read minds while you're sleeping too?"

Hiei opened his eyes and sat up. "I wasn't asleep baka kitsune." He paused for a moment before continuing. "Why are you thinking about your childhood?"

Kurama smiled faintly. "Just trying to remember everything."

Silence echoed painfully loudly in the room. Finally Hiei spoke again. "Kurama. If it hurts to remember that part of your life then don't think about it. That was years ago. You were still mostly a demon then, just in a human body. I meant what I said earlier. You changed. I think…I think that's why I was so drawn to you. I could have picked another thief to help me rob Koenma's safe, but you drew me to you. I didn't know why then, but I think now that it was your personality. You are so merciless in battle, yet when you are with your loved ones you are so kind and gentle. It's like you are a whole other person."

Kurama smirked. "Well Hiei I never knew you were attracted to kindness. I'll have to remember you said that. It'll be good blackmail if you do anything wrong."

Hiei's eyes widened for a moment then placed his emotionless mask on again. "Hn. That's not very good blackmail to use against me."

Kurama's smirk widened. "Then I'll just have to tell Kuwabara and Yusuke that."

Hiei's eyes widened once again and stayed that way this time. "You wouldn't dare!"

Kurama smiled. "No I wouldn't. Just don't do anything bad."

Hiei smiled slightly. "I'll try not to."

Silence engulfed the room for a few minutes before Hiei spoke again. "What are you thinking about?"

Kurama looked down into his lap. "I still wish I could go back in time and redo every little bit of pain that I inflicted upon Kaa-san. I still do believe that I helped in causing her illness all those years before. I think that all my atrocious acts as a child wore down her spirit. She seems so tired lately." He broke off, and stared at the wall. After a moment he softly whispered "I'm sorry Kaa-san."

//I'm sorry that I hurt you//

//It's something I must live with everyday//

//And all the pain I put you through//

//I wish that I could take it all away//

//And be the one who catches all your tears//

//That's why I need you to hear//

Hiei watched as tears fell down his lover's cheeks. Unsure of what to do, he wrapped his arms tentatively around his lover's neck from behind in a slightly ackward but loving embrace. He whispered into his ear "You're crying over nothing. Shiori is fine. She doesn't hate you, and she is alive. Why are you putting yourself through all of this?"

Kurama continued to sob. After a moment he responded. "Because I put her through so much when I was younger. Why was I so heartless back then? Why?"

Hiei didn't know how to answer that question, so he said nothing as his fox continued to sob. Soon he continued "I was such a monster. I put her through so much pain, and right after her lover died. She did so much for me, and what did I ever do for her? Cause her pain and misery. How can she still love me after all that I did to her?"

"Because you are her son. She loves you because you are her son."

Kurama laughed bitterly. "Her son. That is the biggest pain I caused for her! I stole her own son from her and replaced her with this monster. And she doesn't even know it! She still thinks that her son is just a normal human."

"But you are still her son. Maybe you are not spiritually her son, but your body is, and in time you accepted that and her love and returned it to her. Do you remember? You changed."

//I've found a reason for me//

//To change who I used to be//

//A reason to start over new//

//and the reason is You//

Kurama once again looked at his lap as he remembered that day.

| He reached up to the cookie jar, which was placed up high in one of the kitchen cabinets. ::Cookies, candy, and ice cream are the only things that this goddamn world has done right:: he thought to himself as he stretched up to steal another cookie. He was so eager to eat the cookie, that when he pulled his hand out of the jar he accidently bumped it against the higher board, where a large stack of porcelean dishes were balance precariously. But he wasn't as concerned about those as he was his hand.

"SHIT!"

His mother ran into the room to see him standing on a chair holding a cookie in his left hand, and his right in his mouth. "Shuichi!" she scolded. "Don't curse! It makes you sound crude and uneducated. And you're too young to curse! You're only nine!"

"I'll do what I want woman! You can't tell me what to do!" he snapped back at her, causing her eyes to well up with tears. Her tear filled eyes suddenly widened as she saw the stack of dishes, which had been carelessly forgotten by her son, begin to fall towards the young red head.

"Shuichi!! MOVE!! GET OFF OF THE CHAIR!!!"

Kurama moved his head to the side like a puzzled dog when she started yelling at him to move. "I told you I'll do what I want! And I'll get off of the chair if I want to!"

Meanwhile the dishes had slipped completely off the shelf and her headed straight for Kurama. Shiori ran franticly and jumped in front of her son using her forearms to cover both of them.

Kurama's eyes widened in shock. "You….you protected me? Why?"

Shiori smiled while she flinched at the pain that was coming from the multiple gashes in her arms. "Because you are my son and I love you." |

//I'm not a perfect person//

//I never meant to do those things to you//

//And so I have to say before I go//

//That I just want you to know//

Kurama looked up from his lap and smiled at Hiei. "Now I see what you mean. It doesn't matter that she is not my soul's mother. She is still my mother, and I am still her son, no matter how much of a monster I was to her when I was younger." He shook his head sadly. "I just wish I could tell her how sorry I am for the way I was back then."

Hiei smirked a little. "Baka kitsune. She's downstairs, why don't you just go and tell her?"

Kurama laughed. "Why didn't I think of that?"

Hiei snorted. "Kitsune, I think you went dumb when you got hit in the head."

Kurama hit him on the head playfully. "Oh really? I'm dumb? You should know by know Hiei, it's impossible for me to be dumb. I'm the legendary Yoko Kurama! And Yoko Kurama can not be `dumb'".

Hiei snorted again. "Then why don't you go tell your mother?"

Kurama smiled. "I think I will!"

As he walked down the stairs to the living room where he could see the outline of his mother's shadow, he wondered what he would say. Upon entering the room, he decided on the blunt way.

Walking up to Shiori's chair, he smiled kindly at the middle-aged woman who was sitting in the big red chair reading the paper. She returned his smile when she saw him.

"Kaa-san, I've been doing a lot of thinking and remembering, and I just wanted to say, I'm really sorry for the way I acted as a child, and you should know that I'll always love you no matter what happens."

Shiori's eyes brimmed with tears as they hugged each other. That was when she collapsed into her son's arms, and wouldn't awake, no matter how hard he shook her or called her name.

//I've found a reason to show//

//A side of me you didn't know//

//A reason for all that I do//

//And the reason is you//

Darkdemonchild: ok all the pictures in the photo album are based on official Yu Yu Hakusho scans that I found on the net, except for the ones with him as a little kid being a terrible brat, those I just made up. But I do have pics of him when he's younger and with short hair, so I'm not making those up. What happened to Shiori? I know! But I'm not telling! ^_^ you'll just have to read the next chapter and find out! ^_^ please review!!!