Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Enma's Torment Theatre ❯ Everything Will Be Alright ( Chapter 6 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Enma’s Torment Theatre
Episode Six: Everything Will Be Alright
Story: Harassment
Author: Rose Thorne
MSTed By: Chrissy Sky (Opening/Beginning written by Rose.)
Disclaimer: No insult or injury was meant in the making of this mst. We were just having a bit of fun.



- Ningenkai -

“You know what I just noticed?” Yuusuke asked as he stood next to Kuwabara. They had spent most of the evening sparring, but now were relaxing and drinking some bottled water from the “soda” machine.

“Hmm?” Kuwabara asked, wiping sweat from his brow.

“We don’t get a holocabana.” Kuwabara shot him a suspicious look, but Yuusuke actually looked disappointed about this.

Kuwabara frowned. “But, if we *did* get a holocabana, wouldn’t that mean we’d be trapped on a satellite in space?”

Yuusuke blinked. “Yeah… But it’d be worth it to have the holocabana.”

“Ugh. I don’t think so, Urameshi.”

Yuusuke rolled his eyes. “You have no vision, man!” He sighed, drank from his bottled water, and thought.

Well, here they were alone. And he had promised Kurama he would talk to Kuwabara. Actually, even if Kurama hadn’t said anything, he would have talked to the boy. After all, he didn’t want anything to come between the bonds of friendship the four of them had.

Kurama’s worry about Kuwabara’s reaction had surprised Yuusuke slightly until he’d thought about it. Kurama was protecting Hiei more than he was himself. After all, Hiei had been abandoned repeatedly, and losing someone else could easily make him close up completely. He could hardly blame the poor little guy for his sensitivity; they had barely managed to get him to open up, and he still had permanent emotional scars from the horrors of his past.

Yuusuke took a large gulp of his water, finishing the bottle, then fiddled with the cap. “Hey, Kuwabara… About yesterday-”

Kuwabara scowled. “Koenma sucks. I hope your petition works. He deserves it more than we do.”

“Er, yeah. Me too.” For a split second, Yuusuke was tempted to drop the whole thing and pretend it had never happened. Then he kicked himself. He was doing this for Hiei’s sake. How could he dare to call himself Hiei’s friend if he was going to abandon him at the drop of a hat? “Kuwabara, that’s not really what I was talking about. You know, Hiei and Kurama-”

Kuwabara turned slightly red. “Do we *have* to talk about that?”

Yuusuke winced. “Kuwabara, I’m just kind of wondering how you feel about it, because, y’know, Kurama’s a little afraid that you’ve lost respect for them over this.”

“I respect them!” Kuwabara seemed surprised. “It’s just… It’s, well… wrong. I mean, two guys and all that…”

Yuusuke shrugged. “That’s by human standards. They’re not human.”

“I know.” Kuwabara sighed. “But still. I can’t believe they chose to do that. How can they ever be happy like that? They’ll never know real love.”

“Kuwabara…” Yuusuke stared. “Haven’t you watched them over the past few days? Hiei’s happy. He’s *smiling*, and he’s like allergic to that. And Kurama is practically glowing every time Hiei does. That’s part of love.”

Kuwabara glared at him. “The only reason they’re doing that is because you made them get together.”

“I made them notice what was already *there*.” He watched as Kuwabara shifted uncomfortably. “Who always re-wards the dragon when Hiei’s passed out? Kurama. Who’s always the most worried about Kurama during battles? Hiei. Who does Hiei go to when he’s hurt? Kurama. Who is the only person Kurama will smile for real at? Hiei.” He paused. “It’s been going on for months now, Kuwabara! They *need* each other.”

Kuwabara remained stubborn. “They’re not gay. You just made them think they are.”

Yuusuke sighed. “Kuwabara, are you going to be okay with being around them?”

There was silence for a while, then: “As long as they don’t flaunt it.”

“Flaunt it?”

“Flirt and stuff. It’s disgusting.”

*This from a guy who prances around like a ballet dancer whenever Yukina’s around…* “Flirting is usually a side effect of being in love.”

“Then I don’t know.” Kuwabara crossed his arms over his chest. “They should keep it to themselves if they absolutely have to have a relationship.”

Yuusuke wanted to borrow Botan’s baseball bat to soften Kuwabara’s skull. “That’s not going to happen, and you know it. They won’t go out of their way to mention it, but they’re not going to hide it.” Kuwabara shrugged. Yuusuke scowled at him. “So you’d abandon your friends over something stupid like that?”

Kuwabara blinked at him. “What d’ya mean?”

“You know Hiei’s past just as well as I do. You know how much shit he’s been through, and I doubt you’ve forgotten what he was like when we first met him. Do you have any idea what being abandoned by someone he considers a good friend would do?”

“We’re not friends…” Yuusuke just raised an eyebrow. “He hates me!”

“No, he doesn’t, even though he won’t admit it. He wouldn’t argue with you if he didn’t like you. And you bait him because you like him.”

Kuwabara frowned and looked away. He seemed to be fighting an internal battle with his prejudices. After a while he conceded. “Yeah, okay. I don’t agree with their choice, but I’m not gonna be a jerk about it. Friendship is important.”

Yuusuke grinned at him. “And if they’re happy, that’s all that matters, right? Especially Hiei; he deserves happiness after all the shit he’s had to deal with.”

Kuwabara winced. “Yeah…”

“Just… don’t tease him about it, okay? Keep calling him short and telling him to bite your ankles, but don’t tease him about *that*. Okay?”

Kuwabara nodded firmly. “Alright.”

“Promise?”

“What, you want me to pinky swear it, Urameshi?”

Yuusuke made a face. “Urk! That’s girls’ stuff!” He glanced at his watch and winced. “You know, Botan’s gonna wake us up at some ungodly hour tomorrow morning…”

Kuwabara groaned. “Why are we doing this MSTing thing again?”

“Enma’s bored.”

“Oh, right.” The carrot-top yawned. “Let’s get back, then. Tomorrow’s probably going to suck. I have a bad feeling about it…”

Yuusuke laughed. “We’re MSTing; of course you’re gonna have a bad feeling.”

“Yeah, but I have a *really* bad feeling.”

“Talk about it in the morning,” Yuusuke replied. “If it’s gonna be bad, we’d better be rested up.” He waggled his eyebrows at Kuwabara. “Now, about that website—The Sith Academy…”

*

The morning after…

*

It took Kurama several moments to remember why Hiei was holding him, and several more to remember why both of them were so sticky. He grinned and buried his face in Hiei’s neck. It had definitely been a good night, and waking up in Hiei’s arms had made it a good morning.

Hiei stirred slightly as Kurama idly traced Hiei’s well-toned stomach muscles. “Stop. It tickles.”

Kurama stopped and blinked up at him, but the boy remained motionless, having fallen back to sleep. He grinned, slightly disappointed, but carefully rolled off Hiei and out of bed. The fox looked at his lover; amazed by how peaceful and innocent the Fire Demon looked when he was asleep. He leaned down and kissed the boy’s ward-covered Jagan, then turned toward the bedroom door. Breakfast in bed for Hiei was in order. The Youkai would probably be rather sore, and Kurama wanted him to be able to relax as long as possible.

A hand brushed up against his leg as he turned, and he glanced back. Hiei was looking at him through half-lidded eyes, obviously only partially awake. “Where’re you going?”

Kurama leaned down again and kissed him gently. “It’s a surprise. I won’t be long. Just go back to sleep, okay?” Hiei smiled at him sleepily and snuggled into the blankets as Kurama tucked him in. The fox smiled as his lover’s red eyes closed again, then quietly left the room to make breakfast, glad that he had installed decent blinds recently in the bedroom.

He felt the urge to lie around in the nude with Hiei all day, with no cares in the world. No school. No Koenma. Just Hiei, himself, and a nice cozy bed… Maybe some treasure…

What was this, an urge to return to the Makai?

Kurama shook his head. He didn’t necessarily *want* to leave his mother, but what reason did he have to stay? She was happier now than she had ever been. She had a new husband and a son - a normal human son - and she was healthy and rich… She didn’t really need him anymore.

No. Shiori had been the only reason that he had remained in the Ningenkai all this time. She *did* need him, even if it wasn’t as much as it once had been. He couldn’t abandon her.

But with Hiei… Kurama frowned. He couldn’t abandon Hiei either. He was torn between the worlds. If he left, Shiori might be in danger from attack—though, if he left, she might be even safer too. If he stayed, Hiei could visit, but it wouldn’t be the same closeness that he wanted.

The vision was tempting…

He wouldn’t leave right away. He really couldn’t. If he returned to the Makai now, Mukuro would most definitely find out and Hiei might lose his right as her heir if she had a problem with it. It was doubtful that she would react in such a way, but that power was very important to Hiei now and he would not take it from him.

Besides, they needed a place to live in the future, right?

The territory, all that land… Kurama couldn’t help but smile. He could never see himself as a ruler, though Hiei would be doing all of that. He could just sit back and watch his love play king during the day, and during the night… well, he wouldn’t have to sit back and watch him. And he could hunt again, visit old friends he hadn’t seen in years…

It was hard to miss something until you thought about it a lot. It hadn’t been much of a life, but it had been his, and he had been comfortable with it when not happy. It would be nice to make a return to the Makai…

But it could wait. The two of them had a lot of time left—centuries; possibly millennia, if they were careful. There was no need to rush.

Kurama piled the waffles he had prepared onto a plate, loading them with toppings that he knew Hiei liked, then placed it and two glasses of milk on a tray and carried it back to the bedroom. He stopped just inside the doorway and smiled at his lover’s sleeping form. Hiei was sprawled on the bed face-down under the blankets, and the look on his face was too adorable for words. *What I wouldn’t give for a camera…*

He set the tray down on his bedside table, and then sat down on the edge of the bed next to Hiei. The fire demon didn’t stir. Kurama ran a hand through Hiei’s hair and the Fire Demon’s brow creased. “K’rama?” One eye opened lazily.

Kurama rubbed his lover’s back. “I made breakfast for you, Dragon. Are you hungry?”

At the mention of food, Hiei perked up a bit. “Breakfast?”

“Waffles.” Kurama indicated the tray of food. “Sit up and we can have breakfast in bed.”

Hiei smiled slightly, then turned over and sat up. He winced and transferred his weight to his arms.

“Sore?” The Fire Demon nodded. “That’s to be expected, especially since you were so impatient.”

Hiei glared at him, though the look had no malice in it. “You were taking too long.”

Kurama slid into bed next to him and pulled the Youkai into his lap, carefully making sure that none of Hiei’s sore muscles had pressure put on them. “There was a reason for it, Hiei. You wouldn’t be this sore if I’d prepared you properly.”

Hiei began to protest and Kurama used the opportunity to shove a bite of waffle into the Fire Demon’s mouth. The surprised look on Hiei’s face was worth it. Kurama kissed the side of his neck. “Botan will be here any minute. Let’s not waste time arguing.”

Hiei looked up at him, finishing the bite of waffle. “Food fetish?”

Kurama blushed slightly. “Not really. Though that would be rather interesting, I don’t want to hurt you, and you’re already sore. I just want to eat breakfast with you… to celebrate.” He speared another bite of waffle and offered it to Hiei.

The Fire Demon’s eyes widened slightly. “Celebrate?” He allowed Kurama to feed him again.

“Being with you, Dragon.”

Hiei blushed cutely, then took the fork from Kurama and set it on the tray. “You know… You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me…”

Kurama hugged the Youkai. “I know, Hiei… And I’ll always be here for you.”

Hiei leaned into the hug, and then looked up at Kurama. “I’m not really very hungry; just tired. Let’s just go back to sleep.”

“Of course, Dragon.” The fox turned him over and lay down, enjoying the feel of the Fire Demon’s body against his own. Hiei was already dozing off, burrowing his face against Kurama’s side. Kurama pulled the covers over them and allowed the comfort of being with the one he loved to seep in and pull him into sleep.

Half an hour later, they were woken by Botan.

*

They heard the argument before they even reached the apartment door. Both Kurama and Hiei had required a shower, and Botan had had enough sense to force them to take separate ones. This, of course, had made them late, and Kuwabara had obviously reached Yuusuke’s before they had. The two were having quite a row.

“You didn’t tell me it had that kind of stuff on it!” The high pitched tone gave the yeller away as Kuwabara.

“So?! It has warnings!” This was Yuusuke.

“So! You should have told me!”

Hiei and Kurama exchanged a look, and Botan raised her eyebrows. “What are they talking about?”

Kurama sighed. “I’m going to assume The Sith Academy.”

“-just mad because you liked it!”

Botan rolled her eyes and knocked on the door, and the quarrellers fell silent. Several seconds later, the door opened.

Yuusuke grinned at them. “Look what the cat dragged in. Whoops; wait. Botan’s not the cat. Hiei is.” The boy laughed at his own poor joke.

Hiei rolled his eyes. “What were you two yelling about? We could hear the moron all the way down the hall.” He ignored Kuwabara’s glare.

Yuusuke shrugged. “I conveniently forgot to mention that The Sith Academy is yaoi, and Kuwabara’s mad.”

“Damned right!”

Yuusuke smirked. “You wouldn’t have read it otherwise.”

Kuwabara opened his mouth to retort, then closed it again and just glared.

“Well, you wouldn’t have! And you enjoyed it, or you wouldn’t have gotten far enough to complain about what you did.”

Kuwabara turned to Botan. “Let’s go before Koenma gets his diaper in a twist.”

Kurama and Hiei exchanged another look as Kuwabara pushed past them and out the door. Botan shrugged and followed him.

Yuusuke grinned at them. “Yo. You don’t look like much of a prude today, Hiei. Have fun?”

Hiei rolled his eyes. “Baka.” Hiei and Kurama left together, following Kuwabara and Botan. Yuusuke ran after them, smirking to himself.

*

Koenma was waiting for them in the theatre. George the oni stood next to him. "Good morning, all!"

"Do you mean 'good morning' as in a greeting or do you want to wish us a good morning?" Hiei asked irritably. "Because it's *not* a good morning."

Koenma sighed, ignoring him. "And I'm sorry about calling you in four days in a row. My dad is really becoming obsessed with this little hobby."

"If there are any attacks on the Ningenkai while we're gone, make sure to tell the bad, man-eating demons we're busy," Yuusuke said sarcastically.

"You know, this isn't technically my fault -" He was cut off as a loud popping sound was heard by all present. Two girls suddenly appeared beside Koenma.

"Hello, you fine specimens of manhood, you," greeted Chrissy, who yawned hugely.

DT frowned. "Even Kuwabara?"

Chrissy waved a hand, trying to stifle another yawn. "If he must." Suddenly, she fell over onto the ground with a loud *thud*. She was fast asleep before she ever hit the floor. (Jetlag. She’d just gotten back from Nevada the night before.)

DT shrugged. "Whatever. Emna-chan asked us to deliver a message to you."

"Can't it wait until after the MST?" Koenma demanded.

"No. Your pops has taken Yuusuke's petition into light and he's decided that he's sending you into the theatre with them after all." DT grinned at the little godling.

Koenma was so shocked his pacifier fell out of his mouth. "He's what?!"

The other four victims of Enma's Torment grinned madly. Kuwabara busted up laughing immediately.

"And he wants you in there pronto, Koenma-chan," DT told him. She turned to the Reikai Tantei. "Sorry that we can't help out more. But Enma-chan is really adamant about this whole MSTing thing."

"That's okay," Yuusuke said through his giggles. "Koenma suffering with us is good enough for now!"

"Dad, you can't do this to me!" Koenma yelled at the ceiling. Then he sighed, resigning himself to his fate. He turned to Yuusuke, who was still laughing. "Well, Yuusuke, you got your wish. Now you can imagine," suddenly, he turned into his adult form, "*me* in your voyeur mind."

Yuusuke and his friends just doubled over at this, unable to contain their amusement.

Koenma sighed and trudged to the lobby and the theatre. "This *isn't* in my contract!"

George looked like he wanted to run after his boss, but decided not to. He didn't want to read the torture too. "But, Koenma-sama, didn't you read the fine print? You didn't read it, did you? Koenma-sama, I'm really disappointed in you."

"Shut *up*, George!" Koenma yelled over his shoulder.

Still laughing, the four boys followed the adult Junior God into the theatre. This was going to be interesting. And Kuwabara seemed to have forgotten about Sith Academy. For now, anyway.

DT stared after for a moment, and then turned to Botan. "Hey, do you have anything that could wake my Onee-chan up?"

- Theatre -

[*Now,* sitting from left to right: Kuwabara, Koenma, Yuusuke, Hiei, and Kurama.]

[Yuusuke and Kuwabara can't stop laughing]
Koenma: Okay, I know how it sounded, just let it drop.
Yuusuke: [through his laughter] Can't!
Kuwa: Yeah!
Hiei: Today's not such a bad morning after all.
Kurama: Nope. [singing] Isagiyoku kakkoyoku ikite-yukou /(Just a long long time)/tatoe futari hanarebanare ni natte mo / (Let go of me) /Take my revolution!!

>Harassment by Rose Thorne

Kurama: [singing] This rose is our destiny. /hikisakare/ futari no te wa hanarete-itta...
Koenma: And if you also suffer harassment by Rose Thorne, please fill out the questionnaire at the end of the mst.
Yuusuke and Kuwa: [laugh even harder now]

>~Standard Disclaimers Apply~

Kurama: That's one thing I like about Rose's works. She never starts it off with a paragraph long plea that she didn't steal us and isn't making any money off of us.
Hiei: We appreciate having less to read.
Kurama: Yes.

>Kurama frowned as he heard the door slam.

Yuusuke: [managing to calm down] What, he didn't expect it to slam when he slammed it?
Kurama: Maybe someone else slammed it.

>"Hiei?"

Hiei: Okay, why did *I* slam it?
Koenma: If you wait a moment, it'll tell you.
Yuusuke and Kuwa: [look at him and start laughing some more]
Kurama: Maybe you're angry.
Koenma: Can't one of you do something about them?
Hiei: Why? What are they doing?
[Kuwabara falls out of his chair]
Koenma: [sighs helplessly]

>The redhead forgot about his homework and went to the foyer to see what was wrong.

Hiei: Hey, Yuusuke, it's talking about you.
Kurama: That's foyer, not voyeur.
Yuusuke: [stops laughing] Hey, I thought we discussed this.
Hiei: We did, but Kurama and I didn't believe you.
Yuusuke: [sulks]
Kuwa: [snickers at him]
Koenma: How quickly you all turn on each other...
Yuusuke: Just wait and see how quick we turn on you... Oh, wait.
[He and Kuwabara start laughing again. Koenma sweat drops]

>Hiei was nowhere to be seen, but his coat was rolled in a ball against the wall,

Kurama: Hiei, why did you use your coat as a spit wad?
Hiei: Ew.
Yuusuke: It must have been some straw he used.
Koenma: Against the wall, not sticking *to* the wall.

>where it had obviously been thrown.

Yuusuke: Not thrown, spat. Aren't you paying attention, fic?
Koenma: I don't think it'll help talking to the fic.
Yuusuke: Good point. It's not like it ever listens to us anyway.
Kurama: [to fic] You never call, you never write; Don't you love us anymore?

>His boots were on opposite sides of the foyer.

Hiei: With his feet still in them.
Kurama: Ick. That's something I don't want to think about, love.
Hiei: Blood all over the floor, trailing outside to the mangled corpse -
Kurama: Dragon!

>Kurama's frown deepened and he walked through the apartment, checking each room for his lover.

Hiei, Kurama, and Yuusuke: *Yes!*
Koenma: [smirks] And just why *are* you cheering, Yuusuke?
Yuusuke: Uh... Because I'm not with one of them?
Kuwa: Hey, neither am I! Alright!

>Hiei was usually somewhat more careful with his things.

Hiei: And his body parts.
Kurama: Hiei...
Yuusuke: That sounded like you were, uh, hanging all out... [winks]
Hiei: Well, if I was, I was preparing myself for Kurama.
Yuusuke: Coolness.
Kuwa: Uh, do you guys really have to talk about that?
Yuusuke: Yeah.
Kuwa: Do you have to be so graphic, though?
Koenma: Yes, do try to maintain some level of civility since I'm here.
Yuusuke: What, Kuwabara, you on his side now?
Kuwa: No!
Yuusuke: Well then. [to Koenma] What civility?
Kuwa: Don't see any civility around here.
Yuusuke: Nope.
Koenma: [sighs]

>He nearly missed Hiei when he looked in the bedroom,

Hiei: He opened both eyes this time as he aimed...
Kurama: You're in a rare mood today.
Hiei: [smirks and points at Koenma]

>as the fire demon was scrunched in a corner of the window seat, glaring out the window.

Kurama: Where he sat, waiting to pounce on his victim, said window.
Hiei: See, it's fun.
Kurama: Yeah.
Yuusuke: You two get weirder and weirder...
Kurama: [simpers] But you still love us, right?
Yuusuke: Right, you crazy demons.

>Kurama sat next to him. Hiei didn't acknowledge him.

Yuusuke: Lover's quarrel? Hey, Koenma, contribute a little here. We're not going to spend the entire day covering your ass.
Koenma: [glares] No, I have pants for that, thank you!
Yuusuke: [falls over laughing] [the other three stare at them both, slightly surprised]

>The fox gently touched his lover's cheek. "Koi, what's wrong?"

Hiei: [pretends to be a fish]
Kurama: Oh dear! We'll have to take care of this right away. Dr. Yuusuke, what would you prescribe?
Yuusuke: [in a pseudo-cultured voice] Well, Kurama-san, first thing you must do is get him into a large tank before he drowns.
Kurama: But, Doctor, he's not really a fish! He's my husband!
Hiei: [stops and stares at him in shock]
Yuusuke: Well, then that's something completely different. Go out and buy a water bed, that should solve the whole problem.
Hiei: Your... your husband?
Kuwa: I think that was a joke, Shrimp.
Kurama: [smiles at the Jaganshi lovingly] If you'll have me...
Yuusuke: Say yes! Say yes!
Hiei: [glares] You only want us to get married so you can stick me in a dress.
Kuwabara: Voyeur.
Yuusuke: [looks away, grumbling]

>Hiei flinched and didn't answer.

Kurama: [Utena] If there's something bothering you... tell me... I want to be your friend... Then... maybe someday we'll... Someday we'll...
Yuusuke: [holds up a sign of Utena and Anthy holding hands, reading, "Someday we'll shine together."]
Hiei: Someday, in the movie...

>Kurama sighed and pulled Hiei into his lap, hugging him. "Yuusuke and Kuwabara again?"

Yuusuke: Wait, wait. Koenma, what's going on?
Koenma: That would spoil it, you know.
Kuwa: We don't care, tell us!
Yuusuke: We did something to Hiei? What?
Koenma: Think about the title of the fic.
Kuwa: [thinks, but doesn't get it] Uh... What?
Yuusuke: [light bulb] We're harassing Hiei?!
Kurama: [frowns deeper]

>Hiei set his head against Kurama's chest and nodded. "Why do they do this to me?"

Hiei: [little kid's voice] Why do they keep pairing me with Kuwabara? I wanna be paired with you, K'rama!
Kurama: You know, it was just twice...
Hiei: Yeah. But it's only twice that you and I have been together.
Yuusuke: [Hiei] Why? Why do all the Self Insertions want me?!
Kurama: ... I should be asking that.
Yuusuke: [pats his shoulder] It's what you get for being so damn pretty, you know.
Koenma: Do any fangirls want me?
Yuusuke: Uh... Since most of the time you're in your true toddler form, I'd say no. Unless there's some really disturbed kids out there... I dunno...

>His lover's arms tightened around him.

Koenma: And squeezed the life out of him.
Hiei: That's why they call him the black widow.
Kurama: I don't even wear black.
Hiei: [softly] But you would look great in leather...
Kurama: [blushes slightly] Not here, Dragon.

>"What did I do wrong . . . ?" Hiei's voice trembled slightly, and he hid his face in Kurama's chest.

Yuusuke: [Kurama] It's okay, love, it happens to us all every once in a while. You want to try again?
Kurama and Hiei: [hit him]

>Kurama gently rocked him back and forth.

Yuusuke: [singing] Rock-a-bye, fire-baby, on the treetop...
Kurama: [singing] Where he usually sleeps, even when the wind blows...
Hiei: [folds his arms over his chest] Not anymore I don't.
Yuusuke: Amen, brother!
Hiei: [stares at him] Voyeur, thy name is Urameshi Yuusuke.
Yuusuke: [raspberry]

>"What did they do now?"

Hiei: Yuusuke was being a voyeur again.
Kurama: [pulls Hiei into his lap] Don't worry, I'll protect you from the bad man.
Yuusuke: Guys, come on...
Hiei: [lowly] We would, but it would be rather inappropriate to do it *here.*
Yuusuke: [glares] Damn word play...
Koenma: Looks like I'm not the only one who's getting picked on today.
Yuusuke: Kuwabara was right! You *do* have your diapers in a twist!
[Kuwabara laughs]
Koenma: Shut up.

>Hiei didn't answer for a while. "They grabbed me and tried to put this . . . thing on me."

Yuusuke: A sign that said, "Kick me"?
Hiei: More like "Kiss me".
Yuusuke: [glares]
Kurama: [smiles] Don't mind if I do. [kisses the fire demon's cheek]

>He flushed. "Some female undergarment. They said that I should just become one if . . ." Hiei trailed off.

Kurama: [singing] Well I guess what you say is true, /I could never be the right kind of girl for you, /I could never be your woman.
Yuusuke: Bra or panties?
Hiei: Does it matter? I want to know how you caught me.
Kurama: [pats] Not real you.
Kuwa: If what?
[No one answers]
Koenma: [clears his throat] Since you were putting *female* undergarments on Hiei, I think that would mean -
Kuwa: Oh. That's mean.
Yuusuke: [sarcastic] No shit?

>Kurama frowned angrily. The boys' pranks and harassment had been getting progressively worse. "Fox . . . I swear,

Yuusuke: Every damn day.

>if they touch me again, I'll kill them. I don't care about Koenma anymore.

Koenma: I'm crushed.
Yuusuke: What did Koenma do to you? Was he helping us?
Koenma: I have better things to do with my time. And much more respect for homosexuals.
Yuusuke: You go, boy.

>I asked them to stop; I yelled at them . . . I even burned them once. I can't deal with this anymore." The Jaganshi sniffled suddenly and hid his face against Kurama again.

Hiei: Hid it where no one would find it.
Koenma: That gives "expressionless" a new meaning.
Yuusuke: What Hiei's neglecting to say, is that he burned us with a kokoryuha powerful enough to level a city block.
Hiei: [smirks] Crispy ningen. My favorite.

>Kurama held him for a long time as he trembled. Yuusuke and Kuwabara had definitely gone too far, and it had to stop.

Kurama: [Darth Maul] At last we will reveal ourselves to the harassers. At last we will have revenge.
Yuusuke: "Oh shit. He'd slept with Obi-Wan Kenobi."
Kuwa: [glares] You should have told me!
Yuusuke: I *know* the firewall on Sith Academy warns about the slash. You can't be mad at me.
Kuwa: [slumps in his seat, grumbling] Yes, I can.

>Kurama gently kissed the fire demon's forehead

Yuusuke: What's the deal with kissing your Jagan?
Hiei: ... Erogenous spot.
Yuusuke: Oh!
Kurama: [chuckles]

>as his trembling lessened. "I'm going to talk to them, koi."

Hiei: [does a hand stand in his seat]
Yuusuke: "I think it's a mako."
Kurama: [opens Hiei's mouth] "With a deep throat track!"
Yuusuke: "Yeah but, what kind? What kind of shark?"
Hiei: "Tiger shark..." [falls over; Kurama catches him and places him in his lap]
[Jaws]

>He gently picked Hiei up and set him on the bed. "Take a nap, love. You've had a lot to deal with today."

Hiei: I have a lot to deal with every day. I hang around with you people.
Kurama: [runs a hand through the Jaganshi's hair] That's a bad thing?
Hiei: Not talking about you, Imp. [leans into his touch]

>Not only that, but Hiei hadn't been sleeping well lately.

Hiei: Actually, I have.
Yuusuke: Passing out, sated.
Hiei: [smirks]

>Kurama would sometimes wake up in the middle of the night to see Hiei wide awake.

Hiei: And Kurama doesn't argue when he starts to -
Koenma: [clears his throat]
Hiei: What?
Yuusuke: Hey, I'm supposed to say stuff like that!
Hiei: [mockingly] Like you said, I'm not a prude anymore.
Yuusuke: Ugh.

>There were dark circles under the fire demon's eyes, showing how much sleep he'd lost.

Yuusuke: Eek. I feel ashamed of my fic self.
Kurama: Yes, but you're a very nice and understanding person. Things like this often happen.
Hiei: Really?
Kurama: I've already told you about homophobia.
Hiei: But, ningens *really* do those things to each other?
Kurama: Worse, sometimes. Discrimination in schools and in the workplace, from both adults and students. Sometimes even murder.
Hiei: [snorts] And you defend ningens!
Yuusuke: Not all of us are that bad, Hiei. Don't judge the whole by the crimes of a few.
Hiei: Whatever.

>Hiei hugged him tightly. "Fox . . . Thank you . . ."
>"Anytime, koi. I'm here for you."

Yuusuke: That is, until you realize that it's only a codpiece that makes me appear so large...
Hiei: [smack!]
Kurama: Hiei is quite adequate, you voyeur.
Koenma: And enough with the fish jokes.
Yuusuke: Aww, but I got a couple more from Jaws!

>The redhead kissed his lover deeply then tucked him into bed.

Yuusuke: And read him a bedtime story about four allies.
Hiei: I want a favor from *you,* Urameshi.
Yuusuke: Oh yeah?
Hiei: Shut up.
Koenma: We would all like that.

>"I'll wake you up when I get back. Just relax and get some sleep."

Yuusuke: [singing] Go to sleep, go to sleep, little fire-baby...

>* * *

Kurama: [singing] At times, love is strong, /so much it even wounds people's hearts, but Ah /in the midst of the courage that grants our dreams, /a light always shines forth. [Toki ni Ai wa, again...]

>Kurama found Yuusuke and Kuwabara at a pachinko parlor.

Hiei: You mean the *charred remains* of Yuusuke and Kuwabara.

>"We need to talk. Now." The boys followed him to a nearby park.

Koenma: You people have a lot of talks...
Yuusuke: [sneers] We have interesting things to say.
Koenma: Watch it; I'm still your boss.
Yuusuke: Ooh, big man!
Koenma: [grumbles]

>"What's up, Kurama?" Yuusuke frowned. Kurama's voice had been cold.

Kuwa: Had been? It's not now?
Kurama: Replace "had been" with "was".
Yuusuke: Wow, first thing you've wanted to correct.
Kurama: You know, I really don't know why we're MSTing this one... It's actually quite touching.
Hiei: [softly] A little too close for home if you ask me.
Kurama: [same] Yes, that *is* bizarre...
Koenma: No, but very poetic.
Kurama: What was that?
Koenma: Nothing.

>He was obviously mad about something.

Hiei: There's a reason why you don't want to make Kurama angry.
Kurama: [in a deeper voice] Youko has returned, they cry...
Hiei: That's one of them.

>"You two need to stop harassing Hiei. He's tried asking you to stop and he's at the end of his patience. The bra thing today was it. No more."

Yuusuke: Wait, how do you know it was a bra? Hiei never specified!
Kuwa: Plot hole.
Koenma: Just another bump in the road of many...
Hiei: I still want to know how they caught me.
Kurama: [singing] Well I guess what they say is true, /I could never spend my life with a man like you, /I could never be your woman.
Yuusuke: You like that song.
Kurama: Yes.

>Kuwabara frowned. "We're just teasing-"

Yuusuke: "I was just sitting here walking."
Hiei: And the me in the story was just breathing. Apparently, that's worth being teased about who I choose to fall in love with.
Kuwa: [glances at him]

>Kurama cut him off angrily. "Teasing is one thing! You aren't 'just teasing' him! You're harassing him, and it's going to stop or I'll get Koenma involved."

Yuusuke: [child Kurama] Koenma! Yuusuke's hitting me again!
Hiei: [child himself] Koenma! Yuusuke's being a voyeur again!
Koenma: Now, now, kids.

>Yuusuke snorted, and Kurama whirled on him. "Or how about I tell Keiko about your antics?"

Yuusuke: Ouch!
Kurama: You'd never hear the end of it.
Yuusuke: Nope. But then again, it's not real. I can be thankful.
Kurama: [pets Hiei's hair] I think we all can.
Hiei: [purrs]

>He glared at Kuwabara. "Or tell Yukina just how 'sweet' and 'manly' you are?"

Kuwa: [winces]
Yuusuke: Kurama has his own ways to burn them, apparently.
Hiei: Charred. Remains.
Kurama: It's okay, dear heart. [continues petting his hair]

>Kurama crossed his arms. "It stops now. It's upsetting Hiei, and he's already uncertain enough as it is. I love him.

Kurama: [Kaworu] Pain is something that man must endure in his heart. And since the heart feels pain so easily some believe life is pain. You are fragile like glass; that is, your heart is.
Hiei: [Shinji] It is?
Kurama: [Kaworu] Yes. If this is worth earning my empathy -
Hiei: [Shinji] Empathy?
Kurama: [Kaworu] I'm saying, I love you.
Yuusuke: [claps]

>What affects him affects me. If you don't stop for his sake, then at least do it for mine."

Yuusuke: Well, Kurama, you know we'd do anything to get some alcohol in here.
Kurama: [smack!]

>The fox looked away. "To let you know how upset he is . . . He cried today. Because of what you said and did to him. I haven't ever seen him cry until now!"

Hiei: [coldly] And you never will, either.
Kurama: Of course not. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy.
Hiei: [smiles again]

>Both of the boys stared at him in shock. Yuusuke frowned. "I'm sorry, Kurama. I didn't know it was affecting him like that."

Yuusuke: I'd say something, but I'd feel really bad afterwards.
Hiei: Yes, because I would hit you again.
Yuusuke: [laughs nervously]

>Kuwabara nodded. "Yeah. I'll stop."
>Kurama sighed. "Don't tell me.

Yuusuke: [Kurama] Don't give me that, you pathetic humans!
Kurama: Yuusuke...

>Tell him. If he even comes near you two anymore."

Hiei: Don't count on it.
Yuusuke: We're not.

>They nodded, shame-faced. "I'll see you two around." The fox left, not looking back, and hurried to his apartment.

Yuusuke: [singing] Around the world, around the world...
Kurama: I see them almost every day.
Kuwa: Usually because of these stupid missions.
Koenma: [sighs] These aren't my fault. I don't even pick out the fics you read.
Kuwa: So... Lord Enma picked this out?
Koenma: Yes.
Kuwa: Oh...
Kurama: So, Enma-sama sits around all day reading fan fiction?
Yuusuke: *Now* I'm worried.

>Hiei was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.

Yuusuke: Oh, Kurama, let me do it! Please, let me do it.
Kurama: [sighs] If you must.
Yuusuke: [Shinji] Another unfamiliar ceiling...
Kurama: [Shinji] Why am I telling all of this to Kaworu?
Yuusuke: [chuckles]

>"Koi . . . didn't you sleep?" Hiei shook his head.

Hiei: No, the pills you slipped me didn't work.
Yuusuke: [Akio] Were you never asleep? Were you just pretending?!
Kurama: [Anthy] Don't worry, dear brother. You're my Prince. You can do whatever you want.
Hiei, Kuwabara, and Koenma: Ick...

>"What would you like for dinner?"
>"Not hungry."

Hiei: Heh, now I am.
Kurama: You should have eaten this morning.
Hiei: Hn.
Kurama: I think there's some sherbet left in the 'fridge.
Hiei: [perks right up]

>Kurama changed into his pajamas, frowning. "Hiei . . . They promised they'd stop."

Yuusuke: Yeah, so since Kurama just performed a striptease for you, you don't have to sit there all depressed and talking about the unfamiliar ceilings.
Hiei: Che. That was you, you fanboy.
Kurama: That joke showed up in a Xellos/Zelgadis fic once...

>"Only because you asked them to, Fox. They don't care about me."

Kuwa: Do too!
Yuusuke: [pats; bored] Don't worry, it's not really you.

>Kurama helped Hiei change into his pajamas

Yuusuke: [laughing shrilly] Enjoying every second of it!!
Hiei: I don't have any pajamas. Why can't I dress myself?
Kurama: And why didn't I just let him stay naked?
Hiei: [blushes]

>and crawled into bed with him. "They do, koi. They just weren't thinking."

Kurama: Got a seven?
Yuusuke: Go fish.

>"Hn."

Kurama: Translation: "They're never thinking."
Hiei: [smirks at the two humans sputter]

>The fox hugged Hiei, cuddling him close. "It's okay, love. They want to apologize."
>"I don't want to talk to them. I don't want to be around them," Hiei whispered, cuddling closer to Kurama.

Hiei: [wistfully] I never do, yet here I am...
Yuusuke: Aw, we know you love us, Hiei.
Hiei: [rolls his eyes]

>"I don't even want to go on missions with them at this point."

Hiei: I NEVER DO!
Kurama: [cuddles, shushing him] Calm, Dragon. It's almost over. You can see the end of the text, look.

>The fire demon yawned. "I'm going to avoid them . . . so they won't have the chance to-" he yawned again "-do it again."

Koenma: Sounds like that bratty demon girl did today. Right before she passed out.
Hiei: What was her problem anyway?
Koenma: Heck if I know. I don't like those two annoyances.
Yuusuke: Only because they make you be nice to us. Hey, let's tell DT about how we want to sleep in on mornings of missions.
Kuwa: Yeah!
Hiei: Best idea you've had all day.
Kurama: [smiles, face buried in Hiei's shoulder]

>"Whatever you want, little one."

Yuusuke: [Kurama] Anytime you want.
Kurama: Nympho.
Yuusuke: And like you're not!
Kurama: We're in love. It's different.
Hiei: [smirks]

>"Don' call me that, K'rma . . ."

Kurama: [softly kissing Hiei's neck] Kawaii...
Hiei: [grimaces] Kurama, not *now*...
Kurama: In just a minute it won't matter.
Kuwa and Koenma: [to fic] Hurry up! Hurry up!
Yuusuke: [laughs at them]

>Kurama chuckled softly

Koenma: Sadist.
Kurama: I enjoy my work.
Hiei: [blushes]

>and closed his eyes, glad that the one he loved wouldn't have to put up with any more harassment.

Hiei: Charred. Remains.
Kurama: [blows in his ear] Almost there, Dragon...

>He reveled in the fact that Hiei was finally sleeping.

Yuusuke: Basked in it. Soaked in it.
Kurama: In a tub, with rose petals floating around...
Yuusuke: Eek, like Treize?
Kurama: [grimaces]

>Just the knowledge that the harassment would stop had made the fire demon feel better enough to defeat the insomnia that had been plaguing him. Hiei's soft, even breathing lulled the fox to sleep.

Yuusuke: But I'm sure you'll be alright.
Hiei: [Touya] Kaijuu!
Yuusuke: [Sakura] Hoe!!

>This is the whole story behind the "Hiei doesn't trust Yuusuke and Kuwabara anymore" thing in Ushinatta.

Kuwa: It is?
Hiei: News to me.
Kurama: I think she means that it's her version of why Hiei doesn't trust Yuusuke and Kuwabara anymore... And it could have happened.
Yuusuke: No, because I wouldn't do that.
Koenma: Shut up, it's almost over.

>I actually know somebody who was harassed like that.

All: Eek!

>It's kinda sad that the world is so unkind to sexual minorities.

Hiei: Yes. Very.
Yuusuke: Oi, Kurama, you gonna take your fiancé to a Gay Pride Parade?
Hiei: You have those?
Kurama: Why don't you come along with us, Yuusuke?
Yuusuke: Uh.... Irk...

>Seriously . . . it's just love.

Yuusuke: [singing] JUST LOVE! God, I hate him!
Kurama: [chuckles] Uh huh, she hates him alright. That's why she stalks him.

>Harassment of anyone is horribly wrong.

Yuusuke: Isn't stalking harassment?
Kurama: ... Yes.
Yuusuke: Well, according to Rose Thorne, what Relena does is "horribly wrong."
Kurama: [falls over laughing]
Koenma: Because she's keeping Heero and Duo from getting together?
Yuusuke: Ye- [stops; glares at the Junior God]
Koenma: [smirks]
Hiei: Congratulations.
Koenma: Thanks.


- Ningenkai -

It was afternoon now, and they were walking over to Kurama's. He was going to make lunch for them.

Hiei and Kuwabara walked a little ways ahead. After leaving the theatre, or rather, the torture chamber, the two of them had gotten into a fight about... something or other. It was one of their normal fights, so Yuusuke and Kurama just tuned them out. They were walking together, lagging behind.

Yuusuke motioned to the two in front of them. "Everything will be alright," he repeated, smiling brightly.

"So you talked to him," Kurama concluded.

"Yeah." Yuusuke's grin turned lop-sided. "The big dope doesn't really understand how two men can love each other, but he promised not to hold anything against Hiei, for friendship's sake."

"Thank Inari," Kurama said softly, eyes on his lover.

"As long as the sun, the moon, and the earth exist, everything will be alright," Yuusuke said again.

Kurama rolled his eyes. "Fanboy."

Then, there was something new to the wind. Something dark, like a whispered threat or a bad smell - a dark presence. There only for a moment, gone again just as quickly. All four boys turned to look behind them, Hiei and Kuwabara falling silent.

"What was that?" Hiei asked.

"Don't know," Kurama said softly.

Yuusuke's brow furrowed. "It felt... a little familiar. Though I can't remember from where."

Kuwabara nodded. "It *did* feel familiar."

"Well, what was it then?"

"Uh... I don't know!"

Yuusuke sweat dropped. "Well, whatever it was, we'll hear from it soon, I'll bet."

"Hn." Hiei glared at him. "I'd rather not sit around waiting for it to attack *me*."

"Would you want to tell Koenma about it?" Yuusuke asked him, raising an eyebrow.

Hiei's eyes narrowed. "On second thought, let's wait."

Yuusuke grinned again. "Knew you'd see it my way." Kurama sighed and cast his eyes skyward, praying to his fox god and hoping this wasn't a mistake.

The four continued along their way, oblivious to the trouble approaching them...


Notes: Two Utena songs this episode. Rinbu Revolution and Toki ni Ai wa. “Your Woman” is by White Town.