Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Enma's Torment Theatre ❯ The Episode That Refused to Write Itself ( Chapter 19 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

My apologies for the lateness. This should’ve been out in late April. *bows deeply* As an apology, you get two lemons.

Enma’s Torment Theatre
Episode Nineteen: The Episode That Refused To Write Itself
Story: Pure Blood, Half Blood
Story by: My dear friend Kuroi. Hope that you get your internet access back soon.
Msted by: Rose-sensei and Chrissy. Beginning (apart from one paragraph) and End by Chrissy, who asked her girlfriend (Kaylbunny) for help with the lemon(s).

This takes place in April, and it is a few months since episode eighteen. Just thought I should mention that so no one’s confused.

Look, Kuroi-chan! I told you I’d mst it!

*

It was about 8:35 AM when Koenma realized that it might be nice to have a window in his office, one with a nice view of the rising sun and the River Styx, because the florescent lights that had been lighting his work for the past three hours were beginning to irritate his eyes. Or perhaps that was because he’d woken up early. But as it was, he would have preferred natural sunlight. He didn’t exactly know why, but he knew it would be a welcome change.

Maybe he could mention something to George later.

There was a large pile of papers on one side of his desk. On the other was a steadily decreasing smaller pile. Anyone who happened to walk in that morning to see the Junior Lord of the Reikai working so hard thought that he was coming down with something. In truth, Koenma had woken up early to get started on work so that he’d have less to do when he got back. Not only were he and the Reikai Tantei returning to the theatre today, but he was invited to accompany Yuusuke, Keiko, and Botan on a shopping trip.

Koenma smiled as he remembered how sullen Yuusuke had looked when he’d asked him to go along. The godling had agreed swiftly, naturally, making the young man brighten. “Cool. I won’t be alone in my agony, then,” he had said.

Shopping with the girls couldn’t possibly be that bad, could it?

Yuusuke had talked to Keiko, alone, even though Koenma had offered a multitude of times to go with him. He didn’t get the full details (kind of like he still didn’t know what had occurred between Kurama and Hiei on the satellite that had caused them to act so strangely during msting). Since the confession, Keiko had invited the two boys to lunch many times, and Koenma realized how little he knew the girl. Since she was so close to Yuusuke, he promised silently to rectify that.

As he had not been present, he didn’t know how Keiko had taken the news. However, she did not seem to avoid either of them - the lunch dates being a case in point - so she seemed to be holding up well. She was a lovely young woman, and Koenma hoped the news hadn’t hurt her badly.

The godling felt guilty, because it really was his fault, but when he was with Yuusuke -- when the boy touched him, when they kissed -- the guilt was hastily replaced with gratefulness to the forces that be. And he wasn’t quite as guilty about that, admittedly.

Intent in thoughts and stamping, he did not look up when he heard the door open. Thinking it was George or Botan with more forms, he said, “Just set them over there.”

After a moment of not hearing any other sound, Koenma looked around the smaller stack of papers. There was no one there. The godling frowned. Had they -- whoever it had been --changed their mind? Odd. He turned his seat in preparation to get up when he saw a smirking young man sitting on the floor.

Koenma nearly jumped out of his skin. “Yuu-chan!”

Yuusuke laughed. The clothing he wore was unmarred and fairly fashionable, while his hair was un-gelled. “That’s my name. Hey.”

“Hey.” The junior god was overcome with embarrassment suddenly; he’d forgotten to change back into his adult form that morning. He didn’t like being around Yuusuke in his toddler form. He was about to rise from his chair in order to make the switch when the teen spoke again.

“Don’t stop working on my account,” Yuusuke told him. “We don’t have to be there for another hour.”

Koenma fidgeted. “I know. Wait here, I’ll be right back.”

Yuusuke looked at him intently. He could tell something wasn’t quite right with this set-up. “What’s wrong?”

The godling forced a smile, taking the pacifier out of his mouth to make it easier. “Nothing! Really. I’ll just be a second.” Why wouldn’t Yuusuke just let him *leave*? He really, *really* didn’t want to be a child around the young man.

Rising from his crouch, Yuusuke sat on the arm of the chair, holding down the junior god when he was going to make a run for it. “K-chan,” he said seriously.

Koenma blinked up at him. “What?”

The teen suddenly looked sad. “This is my fault. I used to tease you about being a toddler and a baby so much. That’s it, isn’t it?”

“Erm…” Was he that obvious, or was Yuusuke just able to read him easily now? “It was starting to bother me long before I’d met you.”

“I didn’t make it any better.” He touched the godling’s chubby cheek. “I’m sorry I used to be such a jerk.”

“It’s not your fault,” Koenma said immediately. He loved Yuusuke and couldn’t possibly blame him for anything. “I just…” He blushed. “I just don’t want to be around you when I’m like this. That’s all.” It was too weird to be intimate like this.

Yuusuke didn’t catch onto this though. In a swift motion, he had sat completely in the chair and pulled Koenma into his lap. “Oi. I don’t want you thinking that I hate this form. I love you, and that means *all* of you. Adult form and toddler form. Even if you’re adult form is cute, that’s not why I love you.”

Koenma blushed more. “I knew that. I meant, I don’t want to be around you when I’m like this,” he said again, pointedly.

“Oh!” Yuusuke laughed loudly (a little more than was necessary perhaps) and flushed himself, but didn’t loosen his grip right away. “I thought… Oh. Well, that’s okay then.” He gave the toddler-god a squeeze. “Hurry back.”

Koenma hopped off his Tantei’s lap. “Now I know what a plushie feels like,” he threw over his shoulder, wryly, making the teen guffaw some more.

*

It had been several months since they had MSTed last, and Hiei was secretly grateful to Koenma for convincing his father to give them a break, however it was that he’d been able to accomplish the feat. Hiei had been worried that Mukuro would order him back to the Makai to work during their lapse, but he'd received no messenger demons, and he'd be damned if he'd ask himself. The fire demon sighed contentedly and tried to concentrate on the TV screen in front of them.

He and Kurama were reclining comfortably on the couch in his home, the half-human’s arms securely around him. Hiei held the remote control in his left hand and rapidly went through channel after channel, unenthusiastically looking for something to watch.

“Finding Nemo’s on again,” Kurama murmured. He sounded half asleep.

“Again being the operative word,” Hiei said. He changed the channel again, and the scene of Nemo talking solemnly to Gill changed to Freddy Krueger pulling the skin away from his skull, revealing his brain underneath.

Kurama made a disgusted noise. “Figures.” He had nothing against horror movies and he stomached most of them, including the Nightmare on Elm Street series. But he still wasn’t entirely fond of them.

“Isn’t this the one with the subliminally homosexual themes?”

“Yeah. That guy is supposed to be bisexual.”

“Yuusuke doesn’t like this one,” Hiei told him. “Says it’s homophobic.”

“Depends on your point of view, I think,” Kurama said thoughtfully. “I don’t think it was intended to be. And it’s not like you see a lot of homosexuals in horror flicks. Considering the target audience, in the minds of producers, it’s probably nearly-homicidal heterosexual males.”

“Clive Barker is the one who’s gay, right?”

“Yeah. Yuusuke keeps saying that, like we’ve forgotten it or something.”

“I wonder if Hellraiser’s on…” Hiei resumed his channel surfing. Kurama rolled his eyes, pressing his face against the top of the fire demon’s head and breathing in his scent.

“You do realize,” he said softly, “that there are other, far more interesting ways to spend our free time.” The youko’s hands trailed down his lover’s bared chest. Most of their clothes had been abandoned earlier in their room.

Hiei now abandoned the remote and grabbed the wandering hands, turning to face the smiling redhead. He smiled back. “You just want to get out of watching scary movies.”

“Like I said, you’re more interesting,” Kurama said cheekily. He shifted and pulled until he was completely on his back and Hiei was straddling him. “But stupid gore movies aren’t the reason I want you, you know.”

The fire demon leaned down to kiss him, his hands moving downward, slipping underneath the fox’s pants to stroke his slim hips. Pulling away, he murmured, “I know, Imp,” before seeking Kurama’s lips for another passionate kiss. “I’d choose you over any number of insipient things.”

“Like?” Kurama questioned breathily as the demon kissed and licked the arch of his neck.

Hiei trailed slowly down the Youko’s chest, drawing out his exploration. He spoke in between kisses on the pale, soft skin. “Everything and anything. You should know that.” He fisted the waistband of Kurama’s trousers and slipped them down as he descended.

Kurama lifted his hips to make this easier, his hands running encouragingly through Hiei’s flame-shaped hair. “Oh?” The fire demon licked lovingly at his hipbone and he was finding it steadily harder to think of anything intelligent to say.

Hiei’s fingers ghosted over the redhead’s erection. Kurama’s hips jerked upward and the Jaganshi smirked down at him.

“Oh,” Kurama breathed. It may have been answering his own question, but at this point it didn’t seem to matter. “Hiei…”

The demon took his lover in hand; meeting the other’s glazed over eyes briefly as he moved. He licked the underside of the penis -- making Kurama moan eagerly -- before taking the head into his mouth.

Kurama’s hips rose upward again, but Hiei wasn’t surprised. Firmly, but not enough to bruise, he held the other’s hips to keep the fox still. And Kurama wanted to move, wanted to feel more of his lover’s mouth surrounding him, but he would wait. It wouldn’t be a very long one, after all. The television was still on, but the noise fell into the background, easily ignorable.

Hiei licked and sucked alternately on the tip. Kurama’s gasps and murmurs increased, along with the rhythmic stroking of his hair, and the fire demon slid his hand down, slipping it into his own pants.

Kurama widened his legs meaningfully and Hiei began to slowly move downward, taking the Youko whole in his mouth. Kurama tried to buck again and his moans became more frantic, pleading. The Jaganshi stroked his length with lips and tongue, every movement sure and precise. When he came, the cries he gave sent Hiei over the edge, making him moan around the length in his mouth. Sleepily, Kurama pulled Hiei up to lie atop him fully, and they didn’t move except to pant, catching their breath.

“I love you,” Kurama murmured drowsily. He knew it probably didn’t need saying, but he liked saying it.

Hiei felt his lips twitch. This was far from the first time he had heard his imp say that, but he liked hearing it. “And I you.” He opened his eyes when a gun shot from the TV caught his attention. Irritated, he reached down to find the remote and switch the device off. “There.”

Kurama smiled and kissed his forehead, letting his eyes drift shut. They still had things to do today, but for now they could wait.

*

[they enter and sit on the couch from left to right: Kuwabara, Koenma, Yuusuke, Hiei, Kurama.]
Yuusuke: [snuggles against Koenma] Oh, guess what.
Kurama: I hate guessing.
Hiei: What words of wisdom do you have for us, O Great Fanboy?
Yuusuke: That Disney CEO dude, Eisner? He got booted from Chairman.
Kurama: Thank Inari.
Koenma: About time.
Hiei: … I thought we didn’t like Disney.
Kurama: Well, not the way it’s been run in the past few years.
Koenma: You mean instead of releasing quality family-oriented programs they dig up shit from their backyard and superglue glitter on it?
Kurama: Yeah… And you’ve been hanging around Yuusuke too much.
Koenma: [blushes slightly]
Hiei: I think ‘hanging around’ is an understatement. They’re practically attached at the hip. Or at least some body parts around that area.
Kurama: [giggles]
Koenma and Yuusuke: [blush deeply]
Hiei: [raises an eyebrow] It's been... how many months and you still haven't fucked?
Koenma: [snaps] Four, and it's none of your business.
Hiei: [surprised] Yeesh, touchy.

>*Pure Blood, Half Blood*

Yuusuke: And there’s anime ringtones now.
Kuwa: You don’t have a cell phone though.
Yuusuke: I know that! I’m just saying.
Hiei: What songs?
Yuusuke: I think it’s only the most popular anime. Inu-Yasha, Ranma ½, Love Hina, probably Eva…
Hiei: Ranma’s still popular?
Yuusuke: [raspberry]
Koenma: I don’t think that anime will ever become *not* popular.
Kuwa: Anybody gonna point out the Harry Potter reference?
Hiei: For what?
Yuusuke: Oh, yeah. We’re supposed to be msting.
Kurama: Too busy ranting?
Yuusuke: Well, that wasn’t really ranting. I think I was being random.
Hiei: Well, that’s not much of a stretch, considering.
Yuusuke: [snorts]
Koenma: Besides, we rant about three things: Lucas, Sailor Moon, and Clamp.
Yuusuke: Well, continually anyway.
Hiei: He finds new rants.
Koenma: True. [runs hand through Yuusuke’s hair]

>Review? And I'll love you forever. Promise!

Hiei: Will you love us so much that we won’t have to read this crap?
Kuwa: Please?
Koenma: Nothing lasts forever. Except for diamonds.
Yuusuke: No, Demando died.
Koenma: [rolls his eyes]
Kuwa: Dema-who?
Yuusuke: [sighs] Do you *really* want me to get into another Sailor Moon rant?
Kurama: If I remember right, Diamond was Demando’s dub name.
Yuusuke: Yes.
Kurama: And no Sailor Moon rants.
Yuusuke: [cheekily] Well, if it gets me a mind-shattering kiss from K-chan like that one time, I think I will.
Koenma: [smiles] What if I gave you one anyway?
Yuusuke: [leans closer] That’d work too. [the Junior god leans over the rest of the way and kisses him]

>Summary: Just another (stupid) alternate universe YYH/HP crossover.

Yuusuke: [breaks the kiss] What the fuck?
Kuwa: Well shit. Didn’t know I’d get it right…
Hiei: HP?
Kurama: [smiling slightly] Harry Potter.
Hiei: …
Yuusuke: ‘Sirius denial!’
Kurama: ‘My fandom is in mourning.’
Koenma: ‘806.’
Hiei: Are you quite finished?
Yuusuke: Er… Yeah, I think so.
Kurama: Best get it out of our systems now.
Koenma: Why bother? We’ll gravitate back to it eventually.
Kurama: Yeah…

>The Reikai Tantei's are sent to England on a strangely demonic mission,

Yuusuke: Because I’d hate to think we’d be on any other type of mission.
Kurama: What? Voldemort’s really a Youkai or something?
Hiei: I’d go for the “or something.”
Yuusuke: Er… We haven’t shown you the movies, and haven’t shoved the books down your throat --
Hiei: Eloquently put, that.
Yuusuke: So, do you *know* who Voldemort is?
Kurama: He knows the basics.
Hiei: You tend to rant, Yuusuke. A lot.
Yuusuke: [sheepish] Oh.

>and enrolled in a certain Hogwarts ~ School of Witch Craft and Wizardry.

Kurama: Witchcraft. One word.

>*A Yuu Yuu Hakusho and Harry Potter fan fiction crossover.

Hiei: Don’t remind me.

>Written by: Kuroi

All: [wave]

>A/N: This starts after Book 4: Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire.

Yuusuke: But angst!bitch Harry had not been fully formed at that point!
Kurama: … *Someone* out there isn’t going to get that.
Yuusuke: Not my problem.
Hiei: Fine, but don't even *think* about making me read those books. They're huge!
Yuusuke: Well, then, at least it won't be hard to fit them down your throat.
Hiei: [confused] What the hell are you talking about?
Kurama: [blushes, whispers into Hiei's ear]
Hiei: [blushes] Oh.

>I'm completely eradicating book five from here except for a few minorities.

Yuusuke: Um… Minorities?
Kurama: I think she meant ‘except for a few things in Order of the Phoenix.’ Unless she’s referring to the title…
Hiei: Don’t think about it too much, Imp.
Kurama: Trying not to.

>You won't believe how pissed I was when I found that Sirius had been killed off.

Kurama: Probably as pissed off as any other fan girl was at the time.
Yuusuke: [whispers] He’s not dead. He just fell.
Hiei: [smirks] Someone mentioned something about denial?
Kurama: If he's not dead, I call foul. Leave dead characters dead.
Yuusuke: He's gonna jump out of a curtain in Buckingham palace, watch.
Kurama: And I will demand a refund on all seven of the books.

>(Really, if she kills off Lupin in the sixth book, I'm boycotting Harry Potter.

Yuusuke: [author] And taking up drinking.
Koenma: Well, they’d be reunited.
Yuusuke: He’s not dead! Oh, and dude. Remus/Sirius.
Koenma: [snickers]

>The only other three tolerable characters in the whole series are Fred, George, and Snape.)

Yuusuke: Agreed. Except, I love angst!bitch Harry.
Kurama: Actually, I liked OotP quite a bit.
Yuusuke: Yeah. One character dies and they negate what happened in the rest of the story.
Koenma: Maybe that’s what she meant by ‘minorities’.
Yuusuke: So?
Kurama: She probably won’t kill Remus off next, though. I think Rowling’s heading toward Ron on that.
Yuusuke: [nods] I’ve been getting that feeling too.

>Author's Warning:

Yuusuke: Run, run! The bad fic is coming!

>I've been told I have a cynical sense of humor.

Yuusuke: Ukyu?
Kuwa: That’s a warning?

>Which is why I'm drawing a complete manga making fun of Romeo and Juliet.

Kurama: I’ve never liked that one.
Hiei: Why?
Kurama: Well… The double suicide was a big turn off. I don’t know where people get the idea that it’s romantic. It’s lust.
Yuusuke: Let’s steer him onto safer ground, like Hamlet or Macbeth.
Koenma: Feeling a little opinionated this afternoon?
Kurama: Oh, no more than usual.
Hiei: [leans over, curious] What was that about?
Kurama: [smiles] Nothing too important. [pulls Hiei into his lap, kissing him gently]

>Now, due to the fact, there are many phrases that I will write in here, many of them you may have heard before, half of them you might not get, the rest could be offensive.

Yuusuke: Ukyu!
Kuwa: Which sounds like ‘fuck you’, you know.
Yuusuke: The creators of Maze knew that. They have word jokes like that all the time. “Maze in your face.” “Die hard life, beam up.” Gorgeous and Chic. Mei and Akira.
Hiei: And the list can drag on like that horrid show.
Yuusuke: Hey! I like Maze.
Hiei: [simply] And I didn’t. End of story.
Kuwa: … Wish it was the end of this story.
Hiei: [snorts]

>However, just remember that this is how I write, and my personality shows on the internet,

Yuusuke: Available for only $9.99 --
Kurama: Yuusuke.

>in my comics, and most of all, in my fics.

Yuusuke: Meaning that her fics aren’t on the internet?
Kurama: Instant messenger?
Yuusuke: Oh. Right.

>So, if you don't particularly enjoy listening to a screwed up individual with an even more screwed up mind, leave.

Kuwa: We can?
Koenma: We wish.
Yuusuke: Given that that the head is usually not *attached* to the certain screwed up individual…
Hiei: And that description pretty much describes every writer we’ve msted.
Yuusuke: You think so?
Hiei: Not yours, the fics’.
Yuusuke: Liked mine better.
Hiei: [smirks]

>Please. This *is* for your own good after all.

Kurama: In the same way a man beats his wife for “her own good” or because “she deserved it”?
Yuusuke: Fanfic abuse! Fanfic abuse!

>If you're still here, then I really can't say that I *care* for your well-being, so, proceed at your own risk.

Yuusuke: Well, that’s nice. I certainly feel loved.
Hiei: Considering the fics that the git made us read, you really shouldn’t sound that sarcastic.
Yuusuke: [grimaces] Irk… Right.
Koenma: [sighs] My dad's not trying to drive you guys insane, so it shouldn't be that bad.

>By the way, I'm not going to go into detail as to who is who, what is what, what happened in the show... there are fansites there for that.

Koenma: So if you don’t know what my pacifier does by now, tough luck, kids.
Hiei: [grins] Other than help you practice for future endeavors with “Yuu-chan”?
Yuusuke: [chokes, starts coughing]
Koenma: [blushes, pats his back worriedly]
Hiei: See? He was thinking about it.
Yuusuke: [blushes, glares]

>I advise that you have prior knowledge of both Harry Potter and Yuu Yuu Hakusho.

Hiei: Luckily our audience has its very own Ranting Fanboy Yuusuke, for all their trivial fact needs.
Yuusuke: [deadpans] Ha ha.
Kurama: You know, we could probably make some money renting him out...
Koenma: *No.*

>You don't necessarily have to have completed it, unless of course you don't want spoilers.

Kurama: Or cancer.
Yuusuke: Meh. It’s like smoking. Even if it was proven to cause cancer, do you really think fangirls would stop reading fan fics?
Kurama: [smiles] Would you?
Yuusuke: … Well, it’s not like I actually need them.
Hiei: Oh, so you *did* have sex.
Yuusuke and Koenma: [blush] No!
Koenma: Not yet at least… [looks at Yuusuke and blushes further]
Yuusuke: [smiles, blushes, kisses his cheek and leaning against him a bit more comfortably]
Hiei: [smirks] They’re doing that switch-blushing thing again, where it’s hard to tell which one’s seme or uke.
Kurama: Shh. [kisses his Jagan lightly]
Yuusuke: [murmurs] Who's the voyeur now?

>Minor ones at least.

Yuusuke: She likes that word.
Kurama: Seems that way.
Koenma: [yawns, nuzzles Yuusuke] Missing comma.

>Oh, and excuse the retarded title. I was still in the 8th grade (who cares if I was about to leave it, I was still in it) when I had this idea.

Yuusuke: Wait. Leave the title, leave the fic, or leave the 8th grade?
Hiei: Don’t ask. Less irritating that way.

>Warning: Shounen-ai. Yuusuke/Hiei, and Kurama/Hiei.

Yuusuke: Not again!
Hiei: I don’t get it. What do people see in us together?
Kurama: Well… You two do have a rather unique bond.
Yuusuke and Hiei: [stare at him]
Kurama: The Gate of Betrayal?
Hiei: Huh?
Kurama: [sighs] Never mind.
Yuusuke: Oh, wait... The trust thing?
Kurama: [nods] Yeah.
Hiei: I'm still confused.
Yuusuke: I trusted you not to betray us at the Gate, and people sometimes think that leads to a romantic relationship.
Hiei: [blinks] Oh...

>Yuu Yuu Hakusho © Togashi Yoshihiro
>Harry Potter © J. K. Rowling

Yuusuke: This MST © My A -
Kurama: Ahem.
Yuusuke: What he said.

>______________________________________________________________

Yuusuke: [stares in outright shock]
Kuwa: A line?
Koenma: Well, that’s certainly original.
Hiei: How you going to riff that, Urameshi?
Yuusuke: [tilts his head, which actually makes it so he’s laying his head on Koenma’s shoulder but that may not have been the first intention of the motion. Though not an unpleasant one.] Oh! I got it!
Hiei: Che.
Kurama: Gift us with your superior rehashing ability.
Yuusuke: [rolls his eyes] Looney Tunes. “I dare you to cross this line! Now *this* line…”
Kurama: Uh… Nope.
Hiei: That was pathetic.
Kuwa: Throw in the towel.
Yuusuke: I tried, damn it!
Koenma: [runs hand through his hair soothingly]
Yuusuke: [smiles at him, relaxes]

>*Pure Blood, Half Blood*
>~Chapter 1~

Yuusuke: There once was a small town in the country of Florin --
Kurama: You've rehashed Princess Bride enough.
Yuusuke: [pouts] Have not.
Hiei: Think up new material.
Yuusuke: In speaking of that though, I saw this icon that did Inigo's line, "My name is Harry Potter. You killed my godfather. Prepare to die."
Hiei: *NEW* material.
Yuusuke: Okay, okay! [huffs, presses against Koenma more]
Koenma: [pets him] I *like* his Princess Bride jokes.
Hiei: Feh. Whipped.

>_______________________________________________________________

Yuusuke: I dare you to cross *this* line...
Kuwa: That wasn't funny the first time, Urameshi.
Yuusuke: It's all I have!!
Hiei: [yawns] You're losing your touch. We might have to lower the rental price, Imp.
Kurama: [wryly] Yes.
Koenma: Again, *no.*
Hiei: [skeptically] You're saying we should keep it the same?
Koenma: Irk... I meant I don't want you renting him out at all!
Kurama: After all that money we spent on advertising?
Koenma: Ugh.
Yuusuke: [is trying not to laugh]
Hiei: [whispers to Kurama] How long do you figure it'll take him to realize we're joking?
Kurama: [same] When Yuusuke assures him we are.
Hiei: [same] How long do you figure that'll take?
Kurama: Oh, not very long.
Yuusuke: [grinning] K-chan, you do realize they're joking right?
Kurama: See?
Yuusuke: Huh?
Kurama: Nothing.
Hiei: Feh.

>Hiei frowned dispassionately as he stared at Koenma along with the others. "You want us to what?"

Kurama: If it's pornographic, I want a share in the profits.
Koenma: Oi!
Hiei: [rolls eyes and shifts meaningfully] If I thought you were serious...
Kurama: [nuzzles his neck] I'm not that much of an exhibitionist.
Hiei: [smirks, kisses him deeply]
Kurama: [moans softly]
Yuusuke: [chuckles] Yup, no exhibitionists here.

>Koenma frowned right back at him. "The four of you are to go to London, England and attend a wizarding school called Hogwarts."

Kurama: Oh, so he doesn't mention witches?
Hiei: Sexist, are we?
Koenma: I'm not.
Yuusuke: Koenma-clone. And, if Voldemort has existed in our world all this time, why haven't we done something sooner?
Kurama: Yes, like back around the FIRST time he rose to power.
Hiei: I am *not* reading those books, no matter how much you guys hint.
Yuusuke: You're paranoid.
Kurama: You really can't blame him, after Maze and Gundam Wing.
Hiei: Speak not the names!
Kurama: Sorry, Dragon. [kisses his forehead]
Yuusuke: And only the last two are the really big ones. 800-something pages, those bastards.
Hiei: [leans against Kurama] I'm tempted to ignore your list at this point, Yuusuke.
Yuusuke: Okay, okay! No Harry Potter!
Kurama: [pets Hiei] It really is a good series, Dragon.
Hiei: [unconsciously leans into his touch] Imp... Don't try to talk me into it.
Kurama: [kisses him lightly on the temple] I was only telling you my opinion, love.

>Yuusuke's annoyed expression slipped off immediately. "What kind of name is Hogwarts!?" He asked incredulously, fighting not to laugh. A look towards the boy beside him told him that Kuwabara had the same reaction.

Yuusuke: Uh... If Kuwabara "had the same reaction" you wouldn't need to tell by the "look." You'd hear him laughing, right?
Kurama: That was from your POV.
Yuusuke: Oh…
Koenma: Actually, it was omniscient because it described Yuusuke's expression. The second sentence had it closer to close third, but the third sentence is just messed up.
Yuusuke: And, the name isn't that funny anyway.
Kurama: Agreed.

>Kurama just rolled his eyes at the two boy's immaturity. "What kind of school is Hogwarts?" He asked curiously.

Yuusuke: Kurama-clone's got something in his ear. A *wizarding* school. You know, for wizards.
Kurama: Boys'.
Hiei: You must roll your eyes all the time, Kurama-clone.
Yuusuke and Kuwa: Oi!
Kurama: [chuckles]

>"Let's wait for the two morons to calm down first." Hiei snapped.

Kurama: Comma instead of period.
Hiei: My clone is too watered down.
Yuusuke: *You* would be much more insulting.
Hiei: Exactly!
Kurama: [chuckles again]
Kuwa: And you wouldn't snap. You'd kind of... drawl.
Kurama: I like his drawl.
Hiei: [smirks, leans against him]
Kurama: [hugs him, smiling back]
Yuusuke: 'Che. There they go being too cute to yell at.

>Koenma nodded and tapped his finger on the desk as he looked at the two boys. "Yuusuke, Kuwabara..." The two stopped laughing and straightened up.

>"We're ready to hear what you have to say." They said as seriously as possible.

Yuusuke: And... simultaneously, apparently.
Hiei: As if they'd actually listen to him. Especially if he's in his infant form.
Yuusuke: Well, *I'd* listen, no matter what form he was in.
Kurama: But the fic isn't a Yuusuke/Koenma.
Yuusuke: Fine. My clone doesn't have to listen. I will.
Koenma: [smiles] Good to know I have an ally.
Yuusuke: [smiles back, kisses his cheek]
Kuwa: 'Che. I still wouldn't listen.
Yuusuke: *You're* not his boyfriend.
Hiei: [yawns] And Yuusuke'd probably just beat you until you listened.

>Koenma sighed. "Hogwarts is a school for humans with erm... so-called 'magical' blood."
>Hiei snorted. "'Magical blood'? That's pathetic. A human's a human. Their blood's all the same. Wasted."

Hiei: [laughs]
Yuusuke: You know... it might be amusing to hear him say that to Draco Malfoy.
Hiei: Who the hell's Draco Malfoy?
Kurama: A character in those books you're so adamant about not reading, love.
Hiei: Feh. Still not reading them.
Yuusuke: Draco's in a "pure blood" family. So, to hear something like that goes against his ego and pride. Would be interesting to see.
Hiei: [rolls his eyes] Human is human.
Kurama: And if parents throw a fit about a werewolf going to Hogwarts, wait till they found out about the two demons...
Hiei: Hn.

>"Hey!" Kuwabara snapped. "I'm a human!"

Hiei: That was hardly disagreed with. I know he's human. He fucking *smells* human...
Kuwa: OI!!

>"And you're not a very good example either." Hiei retorted. "If I didn't know that at least a few humans were tolerable, I would have lost all respect for the damn race when I first met you."

Hiei: True enough.
Kuwa: OI!!
Hiei: You can stop yelling, I can hear your bellowing perfectly fine.
Kurama: [pets him] Be nice to Kuwabara, Hiei.
Hiei: [smirks, kisses his hand] Sorry. Old habits, you know.
Kuwa: 'Che.

>Yuusuke snickered. "So Hiei, which of us lousy niingens do you think is tolerable. Me right?"

Kurama: Comma after so.
Hiei: [starts laughing]
Yuusuke: [resists urge to say "oi".] Well, you have to tolerate me at some level, or you would've fried my ass after Gun - I mean, the mecha anime that must not be named.
Hiei: [laughs harder]

>Hiei cast a wry glance at the Lord of Toranin. "You are half-youkai, you don't count. But ironically enough, the baka's onee-sama, her name is -Shizuru? - is tolerable."

Hiei: [laughter subsides, shrugs] I don't know her that well.
Yuusuke: Shizuru's cool.
Kurama: Hiei still wouldn't use -sama to refer to her. He doesn't even use that with Koenma.
Hiei: There's a reason for that.
Koenma: [rolls his eyes]
Yuusuke: And it's amusing to watch her beat the shit out of Kuwabara.
Kuwa: Oi!
Kurama: Don't mind him, Kuwabara. He's amused easily.
Yuusuke: Oi!
Hiei: I'm not going to say it this time.
Kurama: [chuckles]
Yuusuke: [sighs] I give up.
Koenma: [pets]
Yuusuke: [snuggles close]

>Kurama grinned slyly. "Why Hiei, I didn't know you noticed!"

Yuusuke: Uh... He said *Shizuru*, not Kurama.
Hiei: [scowls] If this fic tries to cross me with Shizuru...
Kurama: Comma after why.
Yuusuke: I just don't get what the clone's trying to tease the other clone about. "Tolerable" doesn't necessarily mean he likes her that way.
Hiei: That applies to quite a few people...
Yuusuke: Who?
Hiei: [rolls eyes] Like I need to tell you.
Yuusuke: Oh. Well, if you sat in the middle of the lingerie department waiting for Keiko and Botan to come back from the dressing room, you'd be out of it too. [snuggles against Koenma some more]
Hiei: [rolls eyes, whispers to Kurama] Went right over his head.
Kurama: [stifles a laugh]

>The heir to Alaric rolled his eyes imperceptibly as he turned away from the youko with a very hentai mind. "She can drink without getting drunk, she can chain smoke without gagging, and she can kick ass without any previous training. Youkai who've met her are scared of her, she's practical, probably wiser than Kurama, and she beats up the baka. Of course she's tolerable."

Yuusuke: Geez, Hiei-clone. When's the wedding?
Koenma: Hiei/Yuusuke, Hiei/Kurama. That's it.
Yuusuke: Pfft.
Hiei: Better be.
Kuwa: Agreed.
Kurama: And I'm not the hentai. That's Yuusuke's job.
Yuusuke: [chokes]
Kurama: [as an afterthought] Except when it comes to Hiei. But I'm much more clever than *that.*
Hiei: And much more physical.
Kurama: [smirks, runs hands idly along his stomach]
Hiei: [laughs lowly, pulls Kurama down for a kiss]

>Yuusuke snorted. "Leave it to Hiei to notice the martial artist in a girl."

Yuusuke: And not notice one in a guy?
Hiei: [kicks at him halfheartedly, involved with Kurama]

>"So anyways, Koenma, why the hell do you want us to go to this Hogwarts?" Kuwabara asked, changing the subject quickly. Slightly miffed at the fact that his sister had Hiei's respect and he, the Great Kazuma Kuwabara only had the youkai's contempt. --And a strange sort of friendship. "And how long will we have to stay?"

Yuusuke: [Koenma-clone] Oh... Seven years. Have fun, kids!
Kurama: [breaks away for air, gasps] Fragment sentence.
Hiei: [pulls him into another kiss after he's caught his breath]
Kurama: [moans happily]

>"You're there on a mission. Apparently, there's an evil niingen running around in England, killing niingens weaker than he when he feels like it."

Yuusuke: Uh... Koenma, you would have to give much more information on Voldemort than that.
Kuwa: Yeah, talk about dumbing it down. We're not five-year-olds!
Hiei: [starts giggling in the middle of making out with Kurama]
Yuusuke: [mildly surprised, to Koenma] I thought he didn't giggle.
Koenma: [smiles] Shh.
Kurama: [pulls away, pets Hiei]
Hiei: [still snickering]

>Hiei cursed under his breath. "Lucky bastard." He muttered.
>"HIEI!"

Yuusuke: You wouldn't think so if you saw the bastard.
Hiei: [shakes his head, still laughing]
Yuusuke: He's in a good mood today.
Kurama: [smiles, kisses Hiei's forehead]
Hiei: [sniggering, nuzzles the youko's neck]
Kurama: [pulls him close, slips his hands under his shirt]
Hiei: [sucks on his earlobe]
Kurama: [moans]
Yuusuke: And there's the kickoff!
Hiei: [snickers again]
Kurama: [shakes his head] What are you doing, Yuusuke?
Yuusuke: [cheerfully] Commentary.
Hiei: [kicks at him again, goes back to Kurama's neck]
Yuusuke: Oi! And small fumble, and the interception is avoided!
Koenma: [before Hiei can kick him again, he blows in Yuusuke’s ear softly]
Hiei: [kicks anyway]
Yuusuke: [gets up and sits in between Koenma's legs on the couch, trying to move out of range]
Koenma: [blushes]
Yuusuke: [cheekily] Hi.
Koenma: [still blushing] Hi.
Yuusuke: [pulls Koenma's arms around his waist] I like this. Should do it more often.
Koenma: Agreed.

>"Nani?" The red eyed youkai asked innocently. Large almond shaped eyes blinking as they stared up at Kurama. The youko backed up and turned away at the strangely cute and extremely innocent look Hiei had turned on him.

Yuusuke: Why's he backing away? Kurama likes it when he acts cute.
Kuwa: Even when he's demented?
Yuusuke: Well, the clone's out of character anyway. *Very* OOC.
Kuwa: Yeah. Hiei's never innocent.
Yuusuke: *That* actually reminds me of one of Lina's scenes in Try...
Koenma: Oh?
Yuusuke: She and Zelgadis were trapped in that strange puppet amusement park, and she wanted to kill the puppet pig. She started whining in this little kid voice, and Zel tells her, "Stop acting cute," and Lina makes this weird "buri buri" sound.
Kuwa: How does that remind you of this?
Yuusuke: [shrugs] Zelgadis' line, I guess. It's funnier if you're actually watching it.
Kuwa: [shrugs]

>"Nandemonai."
>Hiei grinned and Yuusuke gaped. "Hiei, when did you learn to act so cute?"

Yuusuke: Lots and lots of Cardcaptor Sakura marathons.
Hiei: [kicks at him]
Yuusuke: You were neutral to CCS. But slightly amused that Yukito and Yue sounded like Kurama.
Kurama: [gasps] Did not!
[They have the same seiyuu]
Hiei: ... Only Yukito was much more genki.
Kurama: [pouts]
Hiei: [licks his bottom lip] You're sexier.
Kurama: [grins, begins to ravish Hiei's neck]
Hiei: [moans]
Yuusuke: And he passes!
Koenma: [kisses the back of his neck]
Hiei: [breathless] Shut up, Yuusuke.

>"I look like a child although I don't normally act like one, most who see me from afar think I'm 'adorable', and it seems when I exploit that, no one can resist. I figure if it works and gets Mukuro to give me more difficult tasks than patrolling, I don't mind the low blow."

Yuusuke: [snorts]
Hiei: [annoyed] Why the hell do my clones always have to be OOC??
Kurama: Carry-on sentences. Needs more periods. Hiei-clone does need to breathe.
Hiei: [pouts] No it doesn't.
Kurama: [chuckles, kisses his nose] No, I suppose not.
Kuwa: You could exploit that, though...
Yuusuke: The cute thing?
Kuwa: Yeah.
Kurama: Well, *I* think he's adorable just the way he is.
Hiei: [raises an eyebrow and shifts] Adorable, huh?
Kurama: [gasps softly] Very.
Hiei: [pouts] I am *not* adorable.
Kurama: [smiles] And other things. Sexy, gorgeous, wonderful, intelligent -
Yuusuke: [to Koenma] We could be here a while.
Kurama: [kicks him]
Hiei: [hides his face against Kurama]
Kurama: [frowns] Hiei?
Hiei: [kisses him deeply, blushing lightly]
Kurama: [kisses back tenderly, rubbing his cheek] You okay?
Hiei: [murmurs] It's embarrassing...
Kurama: [kisses his forehead] I'm sorry, Dragon. That wasn't my intention.
Hiei: [cuddles him] I know.

>Koenma and the other's sweatdropped. "Dammit, Hiei's finally discovered how disarming he is when he smiles or acts the way he looks."

Koenma: Oddly enough, this reminds me of main characters fawning over a Mary Sue.
Yuusuke: Ew.
Hiei: [growls] I am *not* a Mary Sue!!
Koenma: Tell the author that.
Yuusuke: Er, we kinda are, K-chan.
Koenma: Oh. Yeah. Ah well.
Hiei: [rolls his eyes, leans against Kurama]
Chrissy's voice: Actually, I have a message from the author. She wants you all to know she hates this fic probably more than you do.
Hiei: She wants to bet on that?
Chrissy's voice: It's what she told me to say. Dunno.
Yuusuke: Well, you tell *her* that she's wrong.
Koenma: [pets Yuusuke]

>"And to make it worse, he's exploiting it." Yuusuke added.
>Hiei smirked.

Yuusuke: Oh, he's going to pull that cute act at Hogwarts, isn't he?
Hiei: Somebody shoot the clone.

>"Now, can we get on with it. I don't want to have to stay in England any longer than necessary."

Kurama: [eye twitches slightly] Who the hell said that?
Hiei: [shrugs] Who cares?
Kurama: [sighs] Say who's speaking.
Yuusuke: It was probably the cute-acting Hiei-clone.
Koenma: To think, if this is what the author does to us, what's she going to do to the HP cast?
Hiei: Again, who cares?
Yuusuke: I do, if I have to read it.
Hiei: Feh.
Kuwa: You keep getting mad about your clone. Hypocrite.
Yuusuke: Well, his clone is especially irritating.
Kuwa: Just his clone?
Hiei: You - !
Kurama: Kuwabara, enough.
Kuwa: [shrugs] Sorry. Habit.
Hiei: [glares darkly]
Yuusuke: [to Koenma] We never did make out our death certificates.
Koenma: Yuu-chan...
Yuusuke: Sorry. It's just, we're sitting right in the middle. It makes me nervous.
Kuwa: [pouts] He does it all the time.

>Koenma nodded. "Yes, but you'll need to head over to a place called 'Diagon Alley' to get school supplies."

Yuusuke: And are we going to find out how to get in or just appear magically?
Hiei: We don't have to. Our heads do.
Kurama: [reads text again and laughs]
Hiei: [smiles slightly]
Koenma: [whispers] Usually he'd get upset about that.
Yuusuke: [same] Glad we're not still on the satellite.
Koenma: [hugs him closer] Likewise.
Yuusuke: [smiles]

>Hiei just shrugged. "Whatever, but should Mukuro summon me, screw the mission, I'll leave for the Makai immediately. Got it?"

Kurama: Oh, my kingdom for a proper sentence...
Hiei: [winces] And Mukuro knows and accepts that Reikai has to come first.
Yuusuke: Your clone must be thinking wishfully.
Hiei: [snorts] Stupid clone, then.
Kuwa: The whole fic is stupid.
Koenma: Agreed.
Hiei: You always say that.
Kuwa: 'Cause no one else says it first.
Yuusuke: Yeah, it's his saying. He practically has it copyrighted.
Hiei: [rolls eyes] It's stating the obvious. Legolas-wannabe.
Kurama: [giggles]
Kuwa: OI!
Yuusuke: I hate to point this out, but he doesn't have the looks to be Legolas.
Hiei: That's why I said Legolas-*wannabe*.
Koenma: And he couldn't do that shield-surfing thing...
Hiei: Again-
Kuwa: SHRIMP!
Yuusuke: [winces] Damn. Knew I forgot something.
Koenma: What?
Yuusuke: Earplugs.
Kuwa: OI!

>"Hai. Anyways, I've already spoken to the headmaster over there, and he'll make arrangements to have you four transferred into the fifth year class. There, you'll protect a boy called 'Harry Potter' --"

Yuusuke: And neglecting the fact that we haven't taken the first four years...
Hiei: Joy.
Kurama: And of course we'll be there for Harry. Though we might have been of more use years before this point.
Hiei: Babysitting?
Yuusuke: If so, I'd want to be paid for it.
Kuwa: We can get paid?
Yuusuke: [grins] I'm trying to get him to buy Evangelion for me.
Koenma: [sighs]
Yuusuke: [kisses his cheek] You act like I'm begging you every waking moment, K-chan.
Koenma: [musses his hair] If I buy it for you, it's not payment. It'd be a *gift.*
Yuusuke: [smiles brightly] Okay.
Koenma: [shakes his head, smiling]

>"...Harry Potter?"
>"Yes, Harry Potter. You'll protect him, and search out any demonic airs around the place. I don't know much about this mission, but the headmaster,"

Yuusuke: [Koenma-clone] - is a manipulative git.
Hiei: [Koenma-clone] - is more intelligent than me.
Kurama: [same] - bothers to do research before missions.
Koenma: [frowns] I'm not *that* bad... Am I?
Yuusuke: Er...
Hiei: He means "Yes."
Yuusuke: Well... At least you've never sent us after a Dark Lord.
Kurama: Unless you count that Hiei does a good impression of Darth Maul.
Hiei: [grins sadistically] "Yes, Master."
Yuusuke: [shudders] I never should have shown that movie to you.
Hiei: Agreed. Stupid Jar-Jar.
Yuusuke: Honestly, I'm over Jar Jar. All my anger is focused on Anakin now.
Kuwa: Nah. Lucas.
Yuusuke: Oh, better.
Hiei: Anyone have his address?
Yuusuke: I'd like to pay him back for five years' worth of headaches.
Hiei: You'd better be happy that I haven't been dealing with it for that long.
Kurama: [pets his hair]

>"And he is..."
>"Some old coot named Albus Dumbledore--" Koenma started before being cut off again.
>"What kind of name is Albus Dumbledore?"

Hiei: Oh, we can see where this is going. What kind of name is Obi-Wan Kenobi?
Yuusuke: [Anakin] It's all Dumbledore's fault! He's holding me back!
Hiei: [stares] Do you need a straitjacket?
Koenma: I thought you said you hated Anakin.
Yuusuke: I do, but that line's funny taken out of context... Hell, it was the only funny part in Episode 2.
Kurama: Are we instigating a crossover?
Yuusuke: [winces] Sorry.
Koenma: Actually, doesn't 'Dumbledore' mean Bumblebee? Because Rowling imagines him wandering around the castle humming to himself?
Hiei: I don't EVEN want to know.

>"Kuwabara, Yuusuke, grow up."

Yuusuke: No, no. Allow me. [clears throat] Ha!
Hiei: [smirks] Is that even possible?
Yuusuke: [snorts]
Koenma: [runs hand through Yuusuke's hair again] I like him the way he is.
Hiei: [raises an eyebrow] Pedophi-
Kurama: [claps hand over his mouth] Don't start something, please.

>"Ahem." Koenma cleared his throat, trying to gain the attention of Tantei's. "As I was saying, the headmaster, a man named Albus Dumbledore, will explain the fine details to you."

Koenma: Because apparently I can't be bothered with doing it myself.
Kurama: Tantei. No 's' and certainly no apostrophe.
Hiei: You rarely explain stuff to us. That's why our missions go badly so much.
Koenma: [winces]
Yuusuke: [winces, kisses him] Shut up, Hiei.
Koenma: [softly] It's not like I mean to do it...
Yuusuke: [hugs him] I know, K-chan.

>Yuusuke rolled his eyes. "Oh boy, another boring old mission."
>Kuwabara nodded, agreeing emphatically. Then blinked as he realized something. "Oi, Urameshi, we're going to be attending a school."

Yuusuke: [dumb blonde] Oh. My. God. [normal] And none of our missions are boring.
Hiei: [yawns] Isn't *this* a 'mission'?
Yuusuke: Well, before we started doing these.
Hiei: I disagree.
Yuusuke: [rolls eyes]
Kurama: [smiles, pets Hiei]
Hiei: [purrs again]

>The Lord of Toranin just groaned as the other two members of the group rolled their eyes.
>~

Yuusuke: Fuck it. [hides face against Koenma's neck]
Koenma: [blushes brightly]
Hiei: [snickers]
Yuusuke: [muffled] Stars I can do. Lines and tails are not my forte. One of you do it.
Kurama: [sweetly] Or we could just ignore it altogether.
Hiei: I vote for that.
Yuusuke: Whatever. [nuzzles Koenma's neck]
Koenma: [flushes deeper and buries his face in Yuusuke's neck]

>"Okay, now I'm starting to regret agreeing to this." Hiei muttered as he walked through the crowded streets of Diagon Alley with the other three boys. "So, what the fuck are we supposed to do?"

Hiei: [snorts] As if my clone had a chance with disagreeing.
Yuusuke: [peeks out from his hiding place] What with all-powerful fangirl authors and everything.
Kurama: [seductively] I have an idea of what we can do, Dragon.
Hiei: Do you now? [shifts his hips]
Kurama: [gasps] Oh, I certainly do. [nips Hiei's neck]
Kuwa: Hurry up, fic!
Yuusuke: [sing-song] It's not listening.
Koenma: [still has his face against Yuusuke's neck]

>Kurama looked at the demon beside him and pulled out a list.

Yuusuke: [narrator] -from his hair.
Hiei: From whose hair? Mine or his?
Yuusuke: [blinks] Well... I meant his, but yours would work too, though.
Kurama: [runs a hand through Hiei's hair] Definitely.
Hiei: [purrs]

>"Well, Koenma gave us a list of supplies we have to buy.

Hiei: He did research, for once?
Yuusuke: [Kurama, reading list] Cat liver, eye of newt, toe of... What the hell?
Koenma: [hugs Yuusuke tighter, mumbles] I do research...
Yuusuke: [kisses his cheek] Oi, I know that. I was just kidding, since I think the Koenma-clone in this is way worse than you.
Hiei: Hah!
Yuusuke: [glares] I meant it.
Hiei: [innocently] Meant what?
Yuusuke: [sighs] Never mind. [snuggles back against Koenma more]

>However, the currency here in this so-called 'wizarding' world is different from that of Niingenkai.

Kurama: Ningenkai. One I.
Yuusuke: Only so-called? Sounds like we have a doubter!
Koenma: Well, I'd doubt we exist in the same dimension the Harry Potter universe as well.
Yuusuke: So it's the Twilight Zone?
Kuwa: Or the Vortex.
Yuusuke: Yeah! The one in Hiei's cloak, right?
Hiei: Oh, Gods. Not *this* again...
Kurama: [kisses his forehead]
Hiei: [snuggles] We haven't done *this* joke since the bad Sailor Moon crossover.
Yuusuke: [shrugs] So it's a crossover thing.
Hiei: [snorts] Wonderful.

>We'll have to stop at some bank called Gringotts to exchange yen." Kurama looked up at his surroundings. "So, any idea where the place is?"

Yuusuke: Ooh! Ooh! Me! Me!!
Hiei: [rolls eyes] Go for it.
Yuusuke: [mockingly] What kind of name is *Gringotts*?
Kurama: [whispers to Hiei] He reminded me of the Donkey in Shrek just then.
Hiei: [snickers]
Yuusuke: [pouts] Oi.
Hiei: It's true though.
Kuwa: But the dragon fell in love with Donkey.
Yuusuke: [thoughtfully] I can't imagine Hiei acting like *that* dragon.
Hiei: [annoyed] Because I wouldn't.
Kurama: [nips the back of his neck] Mine.
Hiei: [smirks, squirms]
Kurama: [chuckles lowly]
Kuwa: Hiei reminds me more of Shrek, though.
Yuusuke: Not so much anymore. He's not as reclusive anymore.
Hiei: And I'm a lot cleaner.
Kurama: [buries his face in Hiei's hair and breathes deeply] Definitely.

>Yuusuke reached up and tapped Kurama on the shoulder. "Er, Kurama. The place is kinda hard to miss." The red-head just blinked at him. "Considering it's right in front of us, huge, made of white marble, and says GRINGOTTS in big bold letters across it."

Yuusuke: [himself] Great fox thief, my ass.
Hiei: [as said fox has hands up his shirt again] Definitely not my Kurama.
Kurama: [distractedly] Hm?
Hiei: [shifts] You're much more clever.
Kurama: [moans, runs his nails down Hiei's chest lightly]
Hiei: [gasps, pulls him down for a kiss]
Yuusuke: And he takes control of the ball!
[Kurama and Hiei both kick him now]
Yuusuke: Itai!!

>Hiei snickered, earning an elbow in his ribs for doing so. "That's not funny." Kurama glared, or attempted to, a chuckle escaped when Hiei didn't stop. "Shut up!"

Hiei: [sarcastically] Ha ha.
Kurama: [yawns] Oh, yes. Very witty.
Hiei: [smirks and turns to straddle his hips] I can think of wittier things.
Kurama: [wraps arms around his hips and brings them closer together] Oh?
Hiei: [lays his head on Kurama's shoulder] Mmm-hmm.
Kurama: [nuzzles his neck, smiling] Want to share?
Hiei: [pets Kurama's hair] Nope.
Kurama: Mm. Ah well. [runs hands along Hiei's back]
Hiei: [relaxes]

>"I don't want to."
>"Hiei..."
>The strange conversation, spoken in japanese by the way, so no one around was able to understand it, as they *are* in London, continued as they went into the bank.

Kurama: [rests chin on Hiei's shoulder] Were. *Were*. Don't switch tenses.
Hiei: [sleepily] It's just a fic.
Kurama: [pets his hair with one hand, the other still on his back] Shh. Take a nap, love.
Hiei: [nuzzles Kurama's neck] Mm-kay.
Yuusuke: [whispers to Koenma] Aren't they the cutest?
Koenma: [pulls Yuusuke closer] Yeah.
Yuusuke: [shifts, getting more comfortable against him]
Koenma: [gasps sharply] Yuu-chan...
Hiei: [starts giggling]
Yuusuke: [freezes] ... Oh. Sorry, K-chan. [blushes]
Koenma: [blushes deeply] It's okay... Just, er... Be careful...
Kuwa: I don't even want to know.
Hiei: Why? Keep moving, It's fun.
Kurama: [pets him more] Sleep, Dragon.
Hiei: [giggles] Can't, too amused. [yawns widely]
Kurama: [smiles]

>About an hour later, they left. "Hiei, those goblins in the bank looked kind of like your Majiin form." Hiei glared. Kurama glared.
>Kurama spoke.

Yuusuke: Kuwabara posed. Yuusuke laughed. Fanfic sucked.
Kuwa: I don't pose!
Hiei: [starts laughing]
Kurama: And the goblins do *not* look like Hiei's other form.
Yuusuke: [snickers] Hey, you all remember the last time we talked about that?
Hiei: [sleepily] They don't have eyes. And no, I haven't checked.
Yuusuke: [grinning] I wasn't going to ask.
Hiei: [smirks] Right. Hentai.
Yuusuke: [rolls his eyes and accidentally shifts again]
Koenma: Eep!
Yuusuke: [freezes] Oops.
Hiei: [starts laughing again]
Yuusuke: [blushes] Sorry, K-chan.
Koenma: [chokes] S'okay.
Hiei: [laughs harder]
Yuusuke: [gives him a withering look, then turns to Koenma and kisses him]
Koenma: [returns the kiss enthusiastically]
Kurama: [stage whisper] Want to start a pool on how long it takes?
Hiei: [laughs harder]

>"No they didn't! Hiei's Majiin form is cuter than those *things*. They were just ugly."

Yuusuke: Like, blob ugly or Freddy Krueger ugly?
Kurama: Not really blob ugly, probably. Just... not as sexy.
Hiei: [smirks and shifts again]
Kurama: [laughs throatily and kisses him deeply]

>Yuusuke laughed out loud.

Yuusuke: [himself] Teehee. Flirting demons so funny.
Hiei: [breaks away] A little more airheaded.
Yuusuke: [raspberry]
Hiei: [smirks] No thanks. I've eaten.
Kurama: [same] Though, you might want to offer some of that to Koenma.
Koenma: [blushes deeply]
Yuusuke: [holds Koenma's hands in his lap] I'll kiss him when I want to.
Koenma: [pulls him close and kisses him deeply]
Hiei: Only when *you* want to, eh Yuusuke?
Yuusuke: [smiles against the kiss, but obviously unable to reply]

>Much to the confusion of passer-by. "Normally I'd say something like, you can't talk, but knowing you, and knowing who you were, Kurama, I suppose you can. Don't you agree Kuwabara?" Yuusuke sweat-dropped at the site of his rival's rather green face.

Kuwa: Now, *that* sounded like an airhead.
Yuusuke: [breaks away and frowns] Er... What the hell did I say?
Kurama: Looks like you were taken over by a Mary Sue.
Yuusuke: Nooooo!
Hiei: Welcome to Hell, Yuusuke.
Koenma: [kisses Yuusuke again to distract him]
Yuusuke: [surrenders]
Hiei: [stage whisper to Kurama] So, tonight you think?
Kurama: [same] Not sure. You think?
Yuusuke: [kicks at them]

>"I didn't like the cart..." Kuwabara choked out, holding his stomach precariously, lest he bring up what he ate.

Kurama: Hagrid never liked it either.
Hiei: Kuwabara's a wuss, so this makes sense.
Kuwa: SHRIMP!
Hiei: Is that the extent of your vocabulary?
Kurama: Hiei.
Hiei: [leans against him] I know...
Kurama: [smiles and kisses his Jagan]
Kuwa: [folds his arms over his chest and huffs]
Hiei: [rolls eyes] Sorry. 'Che. Whiner.

>Hiei smirked. "I did. It was quite invigorating," He stated,

Yuusuke: [pulls away] Hey! Hiei's become a deity!
Koenma: [slightly breathless] Well, I'm sure the fangirls will be happy.
Hiei: Wha-? Since when?
Kurama: [pets his hair] 'He' should be lower case.
Hiei: Hmph. [turns and curls against Kurama]
Kurama: [holds him close, smiling contentedly]

>"the feel of the wind against my face as the contraption raced down the tracks, through the tunnels, the non-existant scenery flying by..." His smirk widened as Kuwabara turned a strange shade of ever-green, the color clashing with his hair, as the niigen rushed to the nearest man-hole.

Yuusuke: There are man-holes in Diagon Alley?
Koenma: Dunno.
Hiei: [yawns] Why isn't he looking for a toilet or gutter instead? How's he going to lift it up?
Yuusuke: Even if he lifts it up, it's probably sealed by magic. If there *are* man-holes.
Kurama: Existent. E instead of A.
Koenma: And there's still an extra i in ningen.
Kurama: *Again*.
Koenma: Hence "still."
Yuusuke: [feels evil, shifts again]
Koenma: [squeezes Yuusuke] Yuu-chan ...
Yuusuke: [smiling] K-chan?
Koenma: Don't.
Yuusuke: [pouts] Okay, okay.
Koenma: [kisses his neck, whispers] Not in front of them. Later.
Yuusuke: [turns his head so their noses touch] Yeah?
Koenma: [turns bright red] Er...
Yuusuke: [smiles]
Koenma: [kisses him]

>Kuwabara returned to the group a few minutes later, with a glare that nearly matched Hiei's, after emptying his lunch into the sewer. "You know what Urameshi?" Yuusuke stopped his laughter momentarily to look up at the taller boy.
>"What?"
>"Shut up."

Yuusuke: Thrill at the witty repartee!
Hiei: [snuggles against Kurama] Not saying it.
Yuusuke: What? That we really do sound like that?
Hiei: [yawns and ignores him]
Yuusuke: [rolls his eyes, snuggles against Koenma]
Kurama: [kisses Hiei, whispers] Thank you.
Hiei: [smiles slightly]
Kuwa: Yeah.

>Yuusuke shook his head and turned to Kurama. "Okay Kurama, tell us what we need. I'll tell you how we can get along without it."

Hiei: [starts laughing]
Kurama: That would be rather interesting to hear.
Yuusuke: [resisting urge to shift] This fic? Nah.
Hiei: [laughs harder]
Kuwa: Er... I don't think that's what he meant.
Yuusuke: [eyes widen] Uh... huh.
Kurama: You tend to have... interesting ways to get around things.
Yuusuke: [trying not to laugh] Whatever.

>"That would be nice Yuusuke. Right now, we need to head towards some wand store they call 'Olivander's."
>"What kind of name is Olivanders!?"

Yuusuke: That joke is *really* old.
Hiei: [yawns] It should die.
Yuusuke: Painfully.
Hiei: We could even help it along.
Yuusuke: Sounds fun.

>Hiei rolled his eyes. "Stop being so childish Yuusuke."

Kuwa: Isn't that an oxymoron?
Yuusuke: [shifts to glare at him] Oi!
Koenma: [gasps] Yuu-chan!
Yuusuke: [freezes] Erk...
Hiei: [laughs again]
Kurama: [smirks] Fight unknowingly averted.
Yuusuke: Er...
Koenma: Um... [blushing furiously]
Hiei: [stage whisper] Definitely tonight.
Kurama: [same] Oh yeah.
Yuusuke: Guys, shut up...
Koenma: [buries his face in Yuusuke's neck]
Yuusuke: [whispers] Sorry...
Koenma: [muffled] S'okay. Just... try not to do it again.
Yuusuke: Should I move?
Koenma: No! - Er... I like you here.
Yuusuke: [blushes deeply, leans against him] Okay.

>"I am *not* being childish you shrimp." Hiei raised an eyebrow.

Yuusuke: Oh, geez. Come on. I *never* call him that.
Kurama: [bored] Missing comma.

>"Now you're acting like Kuwabara."
>"Why you..." Kurama stepped between Hiei and Yuusuke, placing a hand on Yuusuke's chest in an attempt to hold the demon lord back.

Yuusuke: "Don't touch him there."
Koenma: "Man exploring his territory here."
Kurama: You two watch that episode of MST3k too much.
Hiei: [kisses Kurama] Mine.
Kurama: [moans happily] Always.

>"Calm down. We don't need to make a scene."
>Yuusuke swore. "Drop dead Hiei."

Yuusuke: A YYH/Drop Dead Fred crossover.
Kuwa: This fic is really insulting.
Yuusuke: Yeah.
Kurama: [muffled against Hiei's neck] Missing comma.
Hiei: Fic Yuusuke is immature.
Kuwa: Only in the fic?
Koenma: [smacks him]
Kuwa: Oi!!
Yuusuke: [smirks]
Hiei: [raises an eyebrow, remains silent]

>"No thanks. Been there, done that."
>"Hiei, don't argue with Yuusuke." Kurama said, scolding the fire demon.

Yuusuke: [Hiei] Yes, mother.
Hiei: [snickers] M-preg?
Koenma: Oh, when are you expecting?
Hiei: [blinks] Me?
Yuusuke: Yeah! We haven't heard any plans about the baby in a while. You said you were gonna do it when we got back.
Kurama: [smiles] We decided to wait until things are more settled down. Life is a bit too hectic right now.
Yuusuke: [grins] Cool.
Hiei: [smiles, closes his eyes]

>"I never argue with an idiot. They drag me down to their level, and then beat me with experience."

Yuusuke: [whispers to Koenma] At least Hiei's not reading anymore...
Koenma: [whispers back] Afraid he'll pick up new material?
Yuusuke: [same] No. I don't want fighting.
Koenma: [smiles, kisses his cheek]

>~

Yuusuke: [flips off text, leaning head back on Koenma's shoulder]
Koenma: [chuckles] Sing anyway.
Yuusuke: Okay. [sings] Search for your love...
Kurama: [softly] And of course it had to be Sailor Moon.
Hiei: [snores softly]

>The bells rang soundly throughout the store as four young people stepped through the door. Well, a beautiful red-haired girl and and lanky carrot-topped boy stepped into the door. In Olivander's eyes, a child with strange red eyes just 'appeared', and the a punk stumbled in after him. "One day Hiei, I swear I'll kill you."

Yuusuke: [himself] Kill? Kiss? I can't be bothered with details.
Kurama: [glowers] Oi.
Kuwa: Is it just me, or did the temperature just drop in here?
Yuusuke: [rolls eyes] Joke, Kurama, I swear.
Kurama: Good.

>Of course, all Olivander heard was: '...Omae o Korosu. Hiei.'

Yuusuke: [laughs] It lives!!
Kurama: Oh, geez. Not a quote from *that.*
Yuusuke: It's the most easily recognizable Japanese phrase in fandom, right next to ai shiteru.
Hiei: [cracks an eye] There's a reason for that, and it's not good.
Yuusuke: For 'Omae o korosu' or 'ai shiteru'?
Hiei: [closes his eye again] The first one. Stupid crappy anime...
Yuusuke: [sighs] He only says it, what, three times? Four if you count the flashback episode?
Hiei: Doesn't matter. Everyone still whacks off if they hear it.
Yuusuke: [snorts]

>He missed the rest. "Welcome, Dumbledore said you would be coming." Was that contempt he saw in the child's eyes? "Who will go first?" He smiled kindly, as kindly as possible without laughing, when the tallest of the group, a young teenager with carrot-colored hair was pushed forward. "And you are?"

Yuusuke: Contempt in whose eyes?
Kuwa: [grouses] My hair is not carrot-colored...
Kurama: I think Olivander's mistaken Hiei for a child.
Yuusuke: [snorts] You get the "looks like a woman" joke and he gets the "looks like a kid" joke. Both are *really* old.
Hiei: I'm not a kid and Kurama's not a woman. [gropes] See?
Kurama: [gasps softly] Dragon.
Hiei: [smirks, eyes still closed] Yes, Imp?
Kurama: [hands go underneath Hiei's shirt again] You know what.
Koenma: Could start a drinking game for that.
Yuusuke: [snorts] A shot of oni-killer every time a bad joke causes them to start snogging?
Koenma: Er... Not exactly.
Kuwa: Erg.
Yuusuke: [grins at Koenma] Then how about when we start snogging?
Koenma: [blushes brightly]
Yuusuke: [kisses his cheek quickly] I know what you really meant.
Koenma: [smiles and kisses him deeply]
Yuusuke: [moans happily]

>Kuwabara grinned, rather embarrassed about being first, and spoke in faltered english, "Kuwabara Kazuma. No wait, I'm in Europe aren't I? Kazuma Kuwabara."

Yuusuke: Watch Fanboy English in its natural habitat.
Hiei: [giggles]
Kurama: Capitalize 'English.'
Kuwa: English is annoying.
Kurama: I like it.
Yuusuke: You would, your favorite attack *is* English.
Koenma: [whispers] And don't forget kinky.
Yuusuke: Right! Nearly forgot about that.
Hiei: [laughs harder]
Kurama: [blushes lightly]
Yuusuke: [blinks] Wow, Kurama's actually blushing. Haven't seen *that* in a while.
Hiei: [smirks] I have.
Kurama: Hiei.
Hiei: [innocently] Yes, Kurama?
Kurama: [kisses his Jagan] Shh. Later.
Hiei: I hate waiting.
Kurama: [chuckles]

>"Alright then, Mr. Kuwabara, wait a bit, and I'll be right back." Heading to one of the many shelves that lined the interior of the shop, he picked out a few boxes and returned to the front. Opening one of the boxes, he held the wand out to Kuwabara, "Try this one out, 10 inches, birch..."

Yuusuke: That reminds me; I found Snape's wand for sale online, and I'm pretty sure it said how long it was, but now I can't find it again.
Hiei: [snickers] And what would you need Snape's *wand* for?
Yuusuke: I just want to know the size. Rowling's never said.
Hiei: [starts laughing]
Kurama: Oh, Inari. Don't tell me this is the start of "The Deep Mysteries of Harry Potter."
Yuusuke: [blinks] What'd I say?
Kurama: The tone in your voice.
Yuusuke: What? Snape's wand size? What Remus' wolf form was really supposed to look like? [blinks] Oh, and she said recently that Sirius' eyes were gray. Heard that from some where...
Hiei: [laughs harder, gasping]
Koenma: Er... Yuu-chan... You *do* realize how "wand size" can be taken, right?
Yuusuke: [nods vigorously] Of course. That's half the fun of saying that. "Snape's wand size."
Hiei: [laughing helplessly, gasping for breath]

>He never got to finish, in the boy's excitement, Kuwabara had waved it around, a bit extravagently, and a jet of light shot out at Kurama. Who ducked, and the window behind the red-head shattered. "No, I don't think that's the one."

Yuusuke: You think?!
Kurama: Fragmented sentence.
Koenma: 'Extravagantly.'
Hiei: [yawns widely]
Kuwa: Who was talking there, anyway?
Kurama: Olivander, I think.
Yuusuke: Damn disembodied voices.
Hiei: [giggles lightly, yawns again]
Kurama: [smiles at the sight]
Koenma: Hiei seems to laugh himself exhausted a lot...
Yuusuke: It's cute.
Hiei: [blows raspberries]
Kurama: [giggles]
Yuusuke: No thanks, I've got one.
Hiei: [yawns, ignores him]
Kurama: [giggles]

>Kuwabara smiled sheepishly. "Gomen-- I mean, sorry." He started, switching to english.
>"It's alright."
>"Okay... Ch'kuso, this english thing is difficult to keep up."

Yuusuke: But 'ch'kuso' is neither English or Japanese.
Koenma: Separate 'che' and 'kuso'.
Yuusuke: [snorts] I know.
Kuwa: English sucks.
Yuusuke: [softly] - Gundam cock.
Hiei: [growls]
Yuusuke: Sorry. Slip.

>"8 inches, willow, flexible... No, I don't think this one will work either. How about this one? No? What about this one then? No, not that either..."

Yuusuke: 'Flexible?' [grinning] Oh, no, there are no innuendoes in Harry Potter! Pfft. Rowling is full of it.
Hiei: Fanboy. [yawns]

>"Do you think they'll ever finish?" Yuusuke asked Kurama, his eyes wide as he stared at Kuwabara with the pile of wands before him.
>Kurama shook his head. "Just think, Kuwabara is the most normal of the four of us. If he's taking this long, and still hasn't finished, how long do you think it'll take each of *us*?"

Kurama: What is this normalcy you speak of?
Kuwa: I dunno. Guess it means I'm not a demon.
Hiei: That means you're an oddity in this group.
Yuusuke: Which could be why his clone's taking so long. Maybe his magic's faulty or something.
Hiei: [snickers] Not gonna say it.
Kuwa: Feh.

>"K'rama, shut up. You're scaring the Tantei."
>"Hiei..."
>"Don't start Yuusuke. I don't argue with idiots, remember?"

Yuusuke: Damn you, disembodied voices!
Kurama: Missing comma.
Kuwa: Missing *plot*.

>"Oi! Guys! I finally found one!" Yuusuke and Hiei were stopped from breaking out into a fight as the three turned to see Kuwabara waving his wand around.

Kuwa: The plot?
Koenma: No, no, that's pretty much a goner.
Hiei: [snickers] That would be why we're here.
Yuusuke: The vortex?
Kuwa: That's where the plot went, probably.
Hiei: Better not have. I just washed my cloak!
Kurama: A way out of this fic?
Yuusuke: That's in the vortex too.
Hiei: Aww, hell. Now it's going to stick.
Yuusuke: Sorry.
Hiei: [blows raspberries, settles against Kurama]

>"Nani?"
>"About time."
>"So, Kuwabara, what type is it?" Kuwabara scratched his chin, looking thoughtful, before laughing.

Yuusuke: Lame attempt at humor made. Onward!
Hiei: [yawns] Cornier than real life. Sad.
Kurama: [petting his hair lazily, looking like he's about to fall asleep]
Hiei: [closes his eyes, purrs]

>"I don't know. Hey, er... Mr. Olivander? What type of wand is mine?"

Yuusuke: [snickers] Wand.
Hiei: [tiredly] Gonna do Cornholio, too?
Yuusuke: [laughs] I would, but it's been done so many times...
Kurama: [drowsily] Never stopped you before.
Yuusuke: Oi...
Hiei: [chuckles] He's right and you know it. [yawns]

>"12 inches, redwood, sturdy, with a core of unicorn hair within it."
>Kuwabara grinned, and yelped as Yuusuke tackled him, reaching for the wand. Kurama merely stepped over the two grappling friends, and before Olivander. "I will go next, as Yuusuke seems a bit busy."

Yuusuke: Er … Why?
Hiei: [cracks open an eye] You're too busy wrestling for Kuwabara's wand. [starts giggling tiredly]
Yuusuke: Yeah, I know. *Why?*
Kurama: [sleepily] And it's a Yuusuke/Kuwabara too. Go figure.
Hiei: [hides his face against Kurama's side, laughing helplessly]
Yuusuke: *Why?*
Koenma: [pulls him into another kiss to distract him]
Kurama: [smiles] Well, s'one way to shut him up.
Hiei: [still laughing, suddenly hiccups]
Kurama: [blinks] You okay?
Hiei: [hiccups] Laughed too hard. [hiccups again] Ow...
Yuusuke: Try holding your breath for ten seconds.
Hiei: [glances at him, starts giggling again, hiccups]
Kurama: Want some help holding your breath, Dragon?
Hiei: [smirks] 'kay. [hiccups]
Kurama: [kisses him deeply]
Yuusuke: And he's going for the touchdown!
Koenma: [kisses Yuusuke's neck] Though, the whole point of that is for your heart rate to slow down, not speed up.
Yuusuke: Ah well.
Kuwa: [not looking] They still kissing?
Yuusuke: They got a couple of seconds to go I think.
Koenma: That doesn't necessarily mean anything.
Yuusuke: [snickers]
Koenma: [smirks]
Yuusuke: [leans back to kiss him, when -]
Kuwa: Don't you start too!
Yuusuke: [kicks Kuwabara, which causes him to move against Koenma]
Koenma: [moans, then grabs Yuusuke and kisses him deeply]
Yuusuke: [smiles]
Koenma: [breaks away, blushing] You need to be careful.
Yuusuke: But I love getting those reactions out of you...
Koenma: [whispers] In *private,* Yuu-chan...
Yuusuke: [pouts again] Right, right.
Kurama: [finally breaks away for air]
Hiei: [leans against him, panting]
Yuusuke: They gone?
Hiei: [blinks at him blearily] What?
Yuusuke: [laughs]
Koenma: [chuckles] He forgot.
Kurama: [smirks] I'm just that good.
Hiei: [voice distant] Oh yeah...
Kurama: [snuggles him like a teddy bear]
Hiei: [rests against him contentedly]

>"That is fine with me, you're name? Miss?"

Yuusuke: [mimes drinking from a shot glass]
Kurama: Your.
Koenma: Too happy to be upset about the stupid joke?
Yuusuke: More likely too exhausted.
Koenma: Aa.
Hiei: Yeah. He's on auto-pilot right now...
Kurama: [yawns] Mm.
Hiei: [cuddles close, yawns widely]

>Kurama shot a glare at the other three, silencing both Yuusuke and Kuwabara, who immediately resumed their play-tackle, Hiei however, just continued to chuckle at his embarrassment.

Yuusuke: Then walked closer to Kurama and proceeded to prove to Olivander that his husband was indeed a man.
Hiei: [sleepily pats] Yup. [relaxes]
Kurama: [chuckles softly]
Koenma: It's sad. You'd think someone that old would know male from female...
Yuusuke: Every bad fic has to have that joke. It's the latest fad.
Kuwa: Nah. It was in badfic a long time ago, too. It's always been tradition, I think. That and the Shrimp liking sweet snow.
Yuusuke: And him being able to have children. Turns out both are true.
Hiei: [stirs] Sweet snow...?
Kurama: [kisses his Jagan] Later, dear.
Hiei: [smiles] 'Kay.

>Giving up, he turned to face the confused shop owner with some annoyance. "I am a *boy* sir. Shuuichi Minamino."
>Olivander backed up unwittingly at the harsh glare the girl, no, boy, shot him. "My apologies sir. If you only-"

Yuusuke: He’s not going to suggest what I think he’s going to suggest, is he?
Kuwa: [yawns] It wouldn't be cliché if he didn't.
Yuusuke: It's blasphemy! Kurama can't cut his trade-mark blood red locks. Fangirls would go postal and take over the world.
Kurama: [rolls eyes] Like Olivander knows that.
Yuusuke: It'd be ten times as worse as when Felicity did it.
Koenma: [surprised] You watched that show?
Yuusuke: No, but I saw that one episode of Celebrity Death Match...
Hiei: [stirs again] Wrestling?
Yuusuke: And killing! I miss that show.
Hiei: [yawns] Fanboy. [dozes off again]

>"Don't tell me to cut my hair. I've been told to do so many times, and as you can see, I have not."

Yuusuke: [Kurama] So in your face, annoying person from another universe!
Kuwa: [same] Talk to the hand.

>The shop keeper nodded hastily, shutting his mouth, and turned. "I apologize. Now, if you would come with me." Kurama nodded and followed the shop keeper to the back of the store. Apparently, Olivander had decided it was too much trouble to take boxes out one by one.

Yuusuke: [singing] Come with me, and you'll be, in a world of pure imagination...
Hiei: [stirs] This better not be a dream.
Kurama: [drowsily] It's not, Dragon. Go back to sleep.
Hiei: [growls softly] Stop teasing, Yuusuke.
Yuusuke: Sorry.
Hiei: Hmmph. [goes back to sleep]

>"How long do you think Kurama will take, Hiei?" Yuusuke asked, pausing, his fist poised to punch Kuwabara.

Kuwa: Not touching it.
Yuusuke: [snickers] I would, but I'd hate to wake them up again.
Koenma: [rolls eyes] Don't.

>"Most likely the rest of the day."

Koenma: Oh no. It’s a running gag.
Yuusuke: Ugh. At least when we do it, it’s funny.
Kuwa: No comment.
Yuusuke: [raspberry] *You* started the vortex bit.
Kuwa: [rolls eyes] And?
Yuusuke: It's old.
Kuwa: It wasn't when I started it.
Kurama: [half asleep] I love how you two can argue about nothing.
Kuwa: [pouts] He started it!
Kurama: Hmm.

>Yuusuke groaned in protest.

Yuusuke: For once, I’m in agreement with my clone.
Kurama: [giggles sleepily]
Yuusuke: [softly to Koenma] At least now they can do whatever they want and nobody yells at them.
Koenma: [kisses the back of his neck] A definite improvement.
Yuusuke: [blushes, smiling]
Kuwa: [whispers] Yeah. Rando sucked.
Yuusuke: Ugh. Let's not speak of He-Who-Also-Must-Not-Be-Named.
Koenma: [nods] Agreed.

>~

Yuusuke: [sings] You are my lucky star…
Koenma: [whispers] You're mine.
Yuusuke: [smiles brightly]
Koenma: [kisses the side of his neck]

>Night had fallen by the time Kurama found a wand that fit him, and Olivander was itching to close up the shop. "About time, Kurama." Hiei said, watching as Kurama waved his new wand around.

Yuusuke: And transfigured Hiei-clone into a table.
Hiei: [stirs] Wazzat?
Kurama: [mumbling] Nothing, dear, just his random'ess again.
Hiei: Mm-kay. [relaxes again, snuggling close]
Kurama: [holds him close, slipping back to sleep as well]
Yuusuke: [whispers] They're adorable.
Koenma: [nods, kisses his cheek]
Kuwa: Why's it taking us so long to find wands, anyway?
Yuusuke: [shrugs] Dunno. You'd think it'd be easy, since we probably have more ability than the average wizard.
Koenma: Probably by human standards, you're not wizards. Remember that Olivander had to be written to.
Yuusuke: Oh... I just figured that was a warning about possible property damage...
Koenma: [snickers]

>"I agree. I thought I'd be in there all day..."
>Hiei snorted. "You *have* been in there all day. Yuusuke and I will have to come back tomorrow."

Yuusuke: Wa-wa-waaaa....
Kuwa: [scratches his head] Er... Kurama's clone doesn't seem to be the brightest marble in the bag...
Koenma: Well, he wouldn't be the first Kurama-clone out of character.
Yuusuke: Definitely not. There were plenty of those. Though, I don't think we've had a Mary Sue Kurama fic before. This isn't one yet, but...
Koenma: Yeah...
Kuwa: Don't give Enma ideas.
Yuusuke: [winces] Ick... Kurama would never stop bitching, reading himself acting like an SI.
Hiei: [sleepily] Want a sword in your gut?
Yuusuke: [pales] Er, no. Sorry.
Kurama: [grouchily] Talk lower, you keep wakin' us up.
Hiei: [yawns] Doesn't matter for me anymore. I'm awake now.
Kurama: Mm.
Kuwa: I still don't think there's a point in having them take so long to get wands.
Koenma: Plot contrivance.
Yuusuke: Bad joke.
Kuwa: It doesn't wash, though. Olivander always judged the tweaks in choosing wands by the reaction...
Koenma: It doesn't make sense. Not one part of this situation does. Probably a factor in why we're msting it.
Kuwa: True...

>Kurama blinked. "I have? Oh, well, then, tomorrow, Kuwabara and I will go get our other school supplies, and you and Yuusuke can come back here to get your wands.
>Olivander almost fainted, hearing that.

Yuusuke: [monotone] Ha ha.
Kuwa: He just sounds so dumb now...
Yuusuke: Kurama really is the victim in these things.
Kuwa: Er... I was talking about Olivander... but Kurama, too...
Yuusuke: Oh. Right. Sorry.
Koenma: [pets his hair]
Hiei: [drawls] So when's the wedding, Kuwabara?
Kuwa: What?!
Hiei: [yawns] Well, you keep yapping about this Olivander guy...
Yuusuke: [snorts, giggles]
Kuwa: [opens his mouth, closes it, pouts]
Hiei: [relaxes] Silence. At last.
Yuusuke: [whispers to Koenma] Hiei's definitely Draco or Snape...
Koenma: [same] Yeah, I can see him in Slytherin.
Yuusuke: [snickers]

>"And we'll get our robes customed fitted the day after that, then, I suppose. But first, we have to go and get our rooms at the 'Leaky Cauldron', or we won't have anywhere to stay for the night."

Yuusuke: Or how about we forget this whole crazy idea and go back to Japan?
Koenma: Because that would be too easy?
Hiei: [mutters] Because that would violate the terms of my parole?
Yuusuke: Er. Didn't think about that.
Kurama: I wonder if I'm gonna end up in Gryffindor...
Kuwa: Wouldn't they just stick us all in Gryffindor if we're protecting Harry?
Kurama: That's not how these normally work. We'll be separated into houses, I'm sure.
Yuusuke: [cheers] Cool!
Kurama: [gives him a withering look] You'll probably be in Gryffindor.
Koenma: You may be in Ravenclaw, Kurama.
Kurama: Oh. True.
Kuwa: Hiei'd be in Slytherin.
Hiei: [yawns] And you'd be in Hufflepuff.
Kuwa: OI!
Yuusuke: Hey, how do you know the houses?
Hiei: [rolls eyes] You yap about this thing all the time.
Kurama: [giggles] It is quite frequently.
Yuusuke: Well, June's not far away.
Kurama: Ugh. Don't talk about the movie. Please.
Kuwa: Yeah. They messed up the other two.
Kurama: I heard they made Remus this stereotypical werewolf, only with a catch. He's hairless.
Hiei: Feh. Then what's the point?
Kurama: You got me, love.
Yuusuke: They're like Lord of the Rings all over again.
Koenma: I'll never forget the Scrub Bubbles of Minas Tirith.
Yuusuke: [grumbles] Or forgive. How much did they pay their special effects guys?
Hiei: Too much.

>"Right." The four walked out the door, allowing some amusement to show as Olivander hurriedly ran to close the store.
>"Kurama, so what type of wand did you finally pick out?" Kuwabara inquired curiously, looking at the wand Kurama was twirling around with his fingers.

Yuusuke: [snickers]
Koenma: [softly] Oi...
Yuusuke: Sorry. Can't help but take it out of context now.
Koenma: [kisses his neck] I know...

>"14 inches, willow, flexible, and with a phoenix tail core within. Rather appropriate, I would say."

Kurama: [deadpan] You mean the flexible part?
Hiei: [giggles] In more than one way. Though the length is a bit under-judged...
Kurama: [smirks, pulls him into another kiss]
Yuusuke: Nope, Rowling, no innuendoes here.
Koenma: [snickers]

>"How is that, I'd think a more appropriate core would be something like fox fur." Yuusuke noted, taking the wand from Kurama and studying it at different angles.
>Kurama opened his mouth, but Hiei beat him to it. "Although a core of fox hair *would* seem appropriate, phoenix feather would be far stronger, and it also fits, in a way. A phoenix, old, wise, beautiful, and powerful, it dies once every 500 years, and rises once again from the ashes. Don't you agree that it fits our ally?"

Yuusuke: [starts laughing]
Koenma: [blinks] Hiei's been turned into a teenybopper...
Kuwa: Does that mean he's a Mary Sue yet?
Yuusuke: Not quite...
Hiei: [breaks away, gasping] Better not be!
Kurama: [ravishes Hiei's neck]
Hiei: [moans]
Yuusuke: [snickers] A fumble and botched interception...
Koenma: Well, he'd have to become instant friends with Harry Potter, excel in magic despite being just introduced to it, and get away with practically murder with not even a slap on the wrist.
Hiei: [starts laughing]
Koenma: What?
Hiei: [laughs harder]
Yuusuke: Er... Well... He *has* gotten away with practically murder before. He just has to be a Tantei because of it.
Koenma: [frowns] Oh... Right.
Kurama: He's *not* a Mary Sue though.
Hiei: [yawns, cutting off his laughter]
Kurama: [smiles, watching him]

>Yuusuke thought for a moment, before nodding. "I suppose... Kurama, dying at the shot of a hunter, and rising again as Minamino Shuuichi, still wise, still poweful..." He trailed off, before dropping Kurama's wand back into Kurama's hand, and grabbing Kuwabara's out of his. "How did you get unicorn hair then? Doesn't a unicorn stand for purity?"

Yuusuke: [Dot] Virgin alarm! Virgin alarm!
Hiei: [stares]
Yuusuke: [snickers] You know, how only virgins can ride on unicorns.
Kuwa: [glares]
Koenma: Yuu-chan...
Yuusuke: [sighs] I know, I know, bad joke...
Kuwa: 'Che.
Hiei: [scowls] That's probably a *safe* thing.
Yuusuke: You've got a sister complex, like Touya.
Hiei: Shut up, Clamp-whore.
Kurama: [kisses Hiei's Jagan]

>Kuwabara growled, snatching his wand back from Yuusuke. "Heh, should've known that a baka like you couldn't *possibly* comprehend how pure my heart is."
>Hiei snorted. "Look who's calling the kettle black."

Hiei: And my clone is evidently a moron.
Kuwa: Isn't that another sign that he's a Mary Sue?
Hiei: [glares]
Yuusuke: Pure heart, eh? I'd do a Sailor Moon riff, but then Kurama would kill me.
Kurama: [smirks]
Yuusuke: [to Koenma] See?
Koenma: [kisses his neck] Then don't riff that bit.
Yuusuke: Fine, fine...

>"Then enlighten me, oh great and honorable one," Yuusuke snapped, sarcasm dripping off his every word.

Yuusuke: [snickers] My clone hasn't had his rabies shots. He's foaming at the mouth.
Hiei: Is your clone talking to my clone or to Kuwabara's clone?
Yuusuke: Personally, I'd describe you both as honorable. I have no idea what my clone's doing, other than drooling and spitting.
Koenma: That seems to be the clones' trend.
Yuusuke: Scary, that.
Kurama: [giggles] Not particularly. Maybe they'll drown in their own saliva.
Yuusuke: Yay! Death!
Koenma: [chuckles lightly]

>"Why should I? If you can't recognize how pure and sweet my love Yukina is, then you couldn't possibly understand how pure my love for her is."

Yuusuke: [sings] And the love of my love...
Koenma: What?
Yuusuke: Oh, it suddenly reminded me of that. [scratches his head]
Hiei: [growls]
Kurama: [pets] Hiei...
Hiei: [relaxes against him] Hn.
Kurama: [smiles]
Kuwa: [fidgets]
Koenma: [pats his shoulder] I wouldn't let that worry you too much.
Yuusuke: No, worry.
Koenma: Yuu-chan...
Hiei: [chuckles lowly]

>Kurama blinked in surprise. "You know, Yuusuke, he has a point. Yatta, Kuwabara, you've surprised me."

Hiei: [snorts]
Kurama: I don't like any of my clones, but this one is especially irritating.
Hiei: [smirks at him] Distraction?
Kurama: [smirks back] Mmm, yes. [kisses him deeply]
Hiei: [turns to straddle him partially, gently rubs his knee against Kurama's groin]
Kurama: [moans loudly]
Koenma: [covers Yuusuke's mouth]
Yuusuke: [giggles against Koenma's hand, then licks it]
Koenma: [turns his face gently to kiss him]
Kuwa: [to himself] And there they go again, all four of 'em.
Yuusuke: [rolls his eyes] Sorry.
Kuwa: S'allright.
Hiei: Whiner.
Kurama: [moves his knee against Hiei's groin, ravishes his neck]
Hiei: [gasps, moves his own knee again]
Kurama: [nips Hiei's neck lightly]

>"As much as I hate to admit it, his love for Yukina *is* pure..." The youko turned and watched the fire demon, who smiled imperceptibly at the thought of his twin.

Yuusuke: Hoe?
Hiei: [gasps] -as he drew his sword.
Kurama: [ravishing his neck mercilessly] Which sword?
Hiei: [chuckles lowly] The metal one, to slay something. The other one comes later. [moves his knee]
Kurama: [grins] Can't wait.
Hiei: [pulls Kurama close] Me neither.

>"Hiei,"
>"Don't say it K'rama. Don't say it."

Hiei: [giggles] Yeah. Less talking, more fucking.
Kurama: Sounds like a plan.
Hiei: [leans his head on Kurama's shoulder]
Kurama: [rubs his back soothingly, nuzzling his neck]
Hiei: [nips Kurama's neck lightly]
Yuusuke: Is it just me, or does Hiei's clone sound tired?
Koenma: Or lazy.
Yuusuke: Yeah.

>They didn't say anything else as they walked down the empty streets of Diagon Alley.
>~

Yuusuke and Koenma: [singing] You are my lucky star...
Kurama: [slips his hands up Hiei's shirt]
Hiei: [moans]

>"Hiei, do you know what I think?" Yuusuke called up at Hiei, who had once again decided to reside in a tree for the night.

Hiei: Mmm... Well, that's normal.
Yuusuke: [leans back against Koenma, muttering under his breath]
Koenma: [whispers] Don't let it get to you.
Yuusuke: I know... [twins Koenma's hands with his on his lap]
Kurama: [softly] Don't tease, Dragon.
Hiei: [same] It slipped out.
Kurama: [kisses him deeply]

>Hiei started, falling *out of* said tree in surprise. "You *think*!?"

Hiei: [breaks the kiss] I don't fall out of trees!
Yuusuke: That's way too... slap-stick for you.
Kurama: It's not that funny, anyway.
Koenma: I think the author's getting bored, so decided to do something completely random to alleviate it.
Kuwa: She must've been bored for the whole thing.
Yuusuke: [snickers]
Hiei: Figures. The boredom again.

>"That's not funny." Yuusuke stated seriously, staring down at the fire youkai who blinked, trying to eradicate the drowsiness that remained after waking.

Yuusuke: [perks up] Wanking?
Koenma: *Waking*.
Hiei: A little too interested in my clone's masturbation.
Yuusuke: [raspberry]
Kurama: [pulls Hiei close] Mine, masturbation and all.
Hiei: [smirks]
Yuusuke: [rolls eyes] Not arguing with you.
Hiei: Then quit being so interested in stuff like that.
Yuusuke: [sulks, muttering some more]

>"It wasn't meant to be. So anyways, what do you think? Considering that you think at all."
>Yuusuke grinned. "I think, that Koenma should drop dead. I *hate* sleeping in a place I'm not comfortable in."

Yuusuke: [wasn't in a good mood to begin with] Yeah, well I think *you* should drop dead, you stupid clone!!
Koenma: [hugs him] Oi. Calm down!
Yuusuke: [blinks] Sorry...
Hiei: My clone's a moron, too.

>"That'd be rather difficult, ne? If we take in the fact that Koenma happens to be the Junior King of Hell? And, I thought you could sleep anywhere."
>"Well, I don't like sleeping in hotels. They smell bad."

Yuusuke: Not really. The one's I've been in just smell like, well, hotels.
Hiei: [wrinkles his nose] They smell like ningen. Ick.
Yuusuke: [laughs]
Hiei: And it's worse if there's a pool in the hotel. Wet ningen mixed with chlorine. Yuck.
Yuusuke: Worse: Wet ningen, chlorine, and piss.
Hiei: [looks ill] Quit it.
Kurama: [bops Yuusuke lightly on the head]
Yuusuke: [sheepish] Sorry.
Hiei: [relaxes] Is this fic almost done?

>"Hence the name, Leaky Cauldron."
>Yuusuke grinned. "Mind if I join you in the tree tonight then?" Hiei glanced at him wryly.

Yuusuke: Because the apparent symbolism is supposed to be funny?
Koenma: Not as much as the “wand” thing though.
Hiei: [yawns] Personally, I don't get it.
Kurama: It wouldn't be the first bad joke this fic's had.
Kuwa: And it won't be the last, I'd bet.

>"Hentai."
>"One does one's best."

Kurama: Silk, slow down on the pipeweed.
Koenma: [blinks] There’s pipeweed in the Belgariad?
Kurama: [shrugs] Search me.
Hiei: I find it somewhat disturbing to see that line in a fic.
Kuwa: Didn't we used to say that a lot?
Yuusuke: Like, maybe a year ago.

>The shop was quiet again as Yuusuke and Hiei stepped in. Kurama and Kuwabara had gone on ahead to get the supplies for all four of them, and left the two to go and retrieve their wands. "We're back!" Yuusuke shouted, as Olivander came running out, intent on getting the two of them out of there as soon as possible.

Yuusuke: By casting the Avada Kedavra on them? Please?
Hiei: Avada what?
Kurama: The killing curse.
Yuusuke: [softly] Which you would know if you read the books...
Hiei: [rolls his eyes] You're expecting me to care?
Yuusuke: You asked.
Kurama: Leave it, Yuusuke.
Hiei: [leans against Kurama and yawns]
Kurama: [smiles and runs a hand through his hair]
Hiei: [purrs]

>"Yuusuke, stop scaring the niingen."
>"No no, it's fine. So, who's going first. We want to get this done and over with."

Yuusuke: And, you know, not for a whole week. Like this fic.
Kurama: Question mark after 'first.'
Hiei: The stupid wand shop again? Feh.
Yuusuke: It'll probably turn into a Slayers-esque joke and I'll blow up the shop.
Kuwa: Or Hiei will.
Hiei: Fuck the Slayers joke, I'd do it anyway.
Kurama: [pets his hair some more]
Hiei: [smiles]

>Yuusuke smirked. "I'll go first. I hope you don't mind waiting, Hiei. But I want to get this over with as soon as possible."

Hiei: Then blow up the damn shop already.
Yuusuke: Power beyond twilight, crimson beyond blood that flows --
Koenma: Yuu-chan.
Yuusuke: It won't work anyway. It's like saying, "Lumos" as you hit the light switch. Wishful thinking.
Hiei: Fanboy.
Yuusuke: "One does one's best."
Kurama: Ugh.
Koenma: We're not going to be able to use that line again, probably.
Yuusuke: Aa. Farewell, line. We knew thee well. Er, sorta, I guess.
Hiei: [snorts]

>Hiei nodded. "Be my guest. I don't mind."

Yuusuke: [sings] Be our guest, be our guest --
Hiei: *No* Disney.
Yuusuke: Awww...

>"Well then, what's your name young lad?"

Yuusuke: "The great sorcery genius Lina Inverse!"
Koenma: "Bond. James Bond."
Kuwa: "Excel Excel!"
Kurama: “My name’s Ash!”
Hiei: [turns and stares at him]
Kurama: [innocently] What?
Kuwa: You watch Pokemon??
Kurama: [points at Yuusuke sheepishly]
Yuusuke: [hides face in Koenma's neck]
Hiei: [smirks] Guilty pleasure, like the FAKE manga?
Yuusuke: [muffled] I liked FAKE better...
Hiei: [snickers]

>"Yuusuke Urameshi, now let's find my wand, and get me out of here." Olivander nodded.

Yuusuke: [snickers] He needs to find his *wand*?
Koenma: Yuu-chan...
Kurama: [shakes his head in amusement]

>"Follow me."

Kuwa: At least it wasn't "walk this way".
Yuusuke: Don't tempt it; this story has enough bad jokes in it already.
Hiei: Che. This story IS a bad joke.
Yuusuke: That was beaten with the stupid stick.
Hiei: Hn.

>~

Yuusuke: [sings] You used to captivate me by your resonating light. Now I’m bound by the life you left behind…
Kurama: [wrinkles nose] Evanescence?
Yuusuke: I know, it’s horribly overdone, but it STILL reminds me of Sirius.
Hiei: Again; fanboy.
Kurama: [chuckles] Indeed.

>As noon passed, Hiei got tired of standing, and moved to find Yuusuke, going past all the shelves housing the multitudes of cases, one caught his eye. It was a dark black case, very plain, nothing extravagent, but the case wasn't even made of wood. Rather, cardboard. Leaning up a bit, he reached up, and plucked it off the shelf.

Koenma: Bit repetitive there.
Kurama: Extravagant spelled wrong.
Yuusuke: The spelling queen strikes again.
Kurama: It passes the time.
Hiei: I take it "I'm" still in the shop. So why did my clone have to find you?
Yuusuke: I didn't find my wand, but I did find Potter's Invisibility Cloak.
Hiei: Why would I bother with a stupid box?
Kuwa: Maybe you'll light it on fire and burn the place down?
Hiei: Probably wishful thinking.

>Tossing the case into the air a few times in his bordom, he let the box open, catching the wand that fell out of it on his fingertips. Like the box, it wasn't much to look at. However, holding it in his hand, Hiei could easily discern that the thing was most definately not made of wood.

Yuusuke: [snickers]
Koenma: Not *that* kind of wood.
Kurama: Then how could it be a wand?
Yuusuke: [snickers harder]
Koenma: [sighs] That isn't helping.
Kurama: [sighs] For the record, I didn't mean it that way.
Koenma: You didn't have to.
Hiei: [rolls his eyes] Maybe if you two fucked he'd get his mind out of the gutter.
Kurama: Actually, that would probably have the opposite effect.
Yuusuke and Koenma: [blush]
Kuwa: Well, at least he stopped laughing.
Yuusuke: [scowls]

>It was black, completely black, rather like, how death looked. "Hikari." He whispered. The lights in the dim room flickered, and Hiei squinted from the sudden brightness that reacted.

Hiei: If it's "black" why the fuck did he say "light"?
Yuusuke: It's opposites day!
Kurama: "Lumos" calls light. Don't start making up your own spells, fic.
Kuwa: This just gets more and more annoying.

>Smirking, he passed the wand from hand to hand, fingertip to fingertip, getting a feel for the new weapon, and placing it in his pocket, he headed further into the shop, intent on finding Yuusuke.

Yuusuke: Er … I’m in a place in the shop that he can’t see me.
Koenma: Yeah.
Yuusuke: *Why?*
Hiei: [smirks] Well, the guy wanted to show you his wand...
Yuusuke: [falls over laughing]
Koenma: [shakes his head, amused]
Yuusuke: [sits back in between his legs again, chortling]
Hiei: [mildly] I didn’t expect that reaction.
Koenma: He's good at surprising people.
Hiei: [shrugs] He's apparently not bothered by the thought.
Yuusuke: [pulls Koenma's arms back around him] It's that "wand" joke. But I'd much rather it be K-chan's.
Koenma: [blushes deeply]
Hiei: [smirks] Oh, just do it already.
Yuusuke: [blushes] We when we're good and ready!
Hiei: You seemed ready a while ago when you shifted on purpose.
Yuusuke: [blushes deeper, hides his face in Koenma's neck, mumbles] Mind your own damned business.
Kurama: [trying to hide a smile, licks Hiei's ear]

>"Well Mr. Urameshi, it seems we've found your wand." Hiei heard, as he turned the corner. "12 inches, pine, very strong, core of dragon's tail."

Koenma: That didn't take very long.
Yuusuke: The magical power of scene breaks. And, why do I have the dragon core?
Kuwa: Doesn’t make sense, Hiei should have it.
Hiei: [breaks out of the kiss] Yeah, with all the times Yuusuke's survived on dumb luck, you'd think his would have something to do with a cat or phoenix...
Kurama: [tilts his head] Might be a mild reference to future Yuusuke/Hiei.
Yuusuke: Heh.
Hiei: Ugh.
Kurama: [smirks, pulls him back for another kiss]
Hiei: [giggles lightly, letting him]

>Yuusuke grinned brightly as he caught sight of Hiei next to him. "Hey Hiei! I've got a wand now! But I wonder how I got a dragon core... I figure that would be *your* core right?"

Yuusuke: I'm not touching that one with a ten-foot pole.
Kuwa: Good.
Koenma: Good thing they're occupied.
Yuusuke: [nods solemnly]

>Hiei shook his head. "Just because I wield a dragon doesn't mean that the core of my wand has to be one. It fits you. Your temper varies the way a dragon does, your exceptionally loyal to those you consider your clan, and you are far more powerful than any other creature most have the pleasure to meet. And those that piss you off, well, they're good crispy with some herbs and spices."

Yuusuke: And the role of Hiei will now be played by… one of the guys on Iron Chef, I guess.
Koenma: Only works for the last bit. What about the rest?
Yuusuke: That's why I said, "I guess."
Kuwa: Since when does Hiei talk that much?
Koenma: They switched his clone's chip with one from Duo Maxwell's various clones.
Hiei: [growls, breaking away from Kurama] I am NOT Duo Maxwell!
Koenma: [nearly succeeds in hiding behind Yuusuke] I didn't mean it like that!!
Kurama: [nips Hiei's neck] Calm down, Dragon.
Hiei: [relaxes, runs his hands down Kurama's hips]
Kurama: [moans and pulls Hiei in for another kiss]

>Toranin's Lord smirked. "I agree, now, let's see what your wand is going to be. I hope it won't take too long to find."

Yuusuke: Oh, another hundred years. No biggy.
Kuwa: Er... didn't he already pick one out?
Yuusuke: Oh, right. That "Hikari" bullshit.
Koenma: As if the foreboding feeling of the wand wasn't obvious.
Yuusuke: Yeah. All it needed was some eerie Student Council music.
Kuwa: Fanboy.

>Olivander sighed as he said so. "Mr. Urameshi is right, let's go get your wand, child."

Yuusuke: [mimes drinking from a shot glass again]
Koenma: [watches thoughtfully] Maybe I can convince Dad...
Yuusuke: [grins widely] Really?
Koenma: [weak smile] No promises, but I'll try.
Kurama: [looks over with interest] Alcohol?
Hiei: Better be Makai brand. The Ningen stuff is too bland.
Yuusuke: [kisses Koenma's cheek] Even if he says no, thanks for trying.
Koenma: [blushes lightly] No problem.
Hiei: Another cute moment.
Yuusuke: [ignores him and snuggles against Koenma]

>Hiei's eyes snapped towards the human, his normal glare intensified a hundred times. "I am *not* a child." He said, and Mr. Olivander gulped at the murderous intent in those strange red eyes.
>"My apologies sir. Your voice belies your appearance." Olivander said quickly, bowing his head slightly.

Yuusuke: [Olivander] And I mysteriously did not hear it before, even after your long winded speech about Yuusuke being a reincarnated dragon.
Hiei: [snickers]
Kuwa: You know, this really insults Olivander. He's smarter than that...
Koenma: And I don't think his shop is quite *that* big...
Kurama: Agreed.

>"And, I've already picked one out." Pulling out the strange wand he had taken before, he placed it in Olivander's hand. "I got tired of waiting, and I didn't feel like wasting anymore time."

Yuusuke: Then you should've gone first instead of telling Yuusuke-clone you were okay waiting.
Hiei: [yawns] At least my clone has a few brain cells. Doesn't want this torture to last much longer.
Kurama: [thoughtfully gazing at the screen] I don't know... It still looks like quite a ways away from the end.
Hiei: [groans]
Kurama: [winces] Sorry. We could distract each other some more if you like.
Hiei: [yawns and leans his head against Kurama's chest]
Kurama: [smiles fondly and wraps his arms securely around Hiei] Or sleep.
Hiei: [nods, curling up in Kurama's lap]

>Olivander looked at the wand closely, noting how it had no color, and wasn't made of wood. "You seem to have chosen my one defective wand, Mister..."

Yuusuke: I think "defective" should be replaced with "deux ex mechanica"
Koenma: If it's defective, why hasn't it been destroyed or something?
Kuwa: Plot hole?
Yuusuke: He likes to trick the "squib" kids by making them try it and nothing happening.
Koenma: [yawns] Dad's getting bad at picking fics out, I think. Out of practice.
Yuusuke: [runs hand through Koenma's hair] Yeah.
Hiei: [sleepily] We'd have an easier time MSTing it if we were drunk, tell him.
Yuusuke: Or if we'd read this one in June after seeing PoA.
Hiei: 'M not reading this again.
Yuusuke: I wasn't suggesting that.
Koenma: [softly] I think there are more chapters of this...
Yuusuke: [hisses] Forget I mentioned anything!
Hiei: I will personally kill you if--
Kurama: [pets him] Shh, Dragon.

>"Hiei. And I don't care whether you think it's defective or not, this is the one I will choose." Hiei said, waving his hand around dismissively. "If all comes to nothing, I always have other weapons at my disposal."

Hiei: [tiredly] And my clone's really dumb. He's gonna try to fight magic with his katana. That doesn’t work.
Yuusuke: Well, unless you're Zelgadis.
Kuwa: Fanboy.
Hiei: [snickers]
Yuusuke: [Zelgadis] Don't worry. I used the back of my sword. [mimes checking the blade of his sword] Oh, it's double-sided. Sorry.
Hiei: Definite fanboy.
Yuusuke: [raspberry] I like that quote.
Hiei: [yawns and shrugs]

>"Are you sure..?" At Hiei's glare, which he seemed to be recieving alot of in the past two days, he handed the wand back to the boy. "Wave it around for me."

Yuusuke: I'd say something, but he'd probably kick me.
Hiei: [smirks]

>The demon did so. Not surprisingly, to Hiei at least, nothing happened. "Hey, Hiei? Are you sure you want that wand? It's defective."

Yuusuke: And the part of Yuusuke will now be played by Legolas.
Kurama: [giggles]
Hiei: If they do a live-action movie for us, I'll petition for Orlando Bloom to play you, Yuusuke.
Yuusuke: [stares] No. Please no.
Hiei: [grins] Captain Obvious.
Yuusuke: Oh, god... [blinks] Who's gonna play the rest of you then?
Hiei: I call Jet Li.
Yuusuke: [smirks] Kuwabara could be played by Carrot Top.
Kuwa: Would not! I still say my hair isn't orange!
Kurama: [snidely] I'll probably be played by a woman...
Hiei: [giggles]
Yuusuke: Scarlette Johansen would play you, I think.
Kurama: Hm. [glowers]
Hiei: [gropes him] I'd miss this.
Kurama: [gasps softly, smiles] No substitute for the real thing?
Hiei: [nods, yawning slightly]
Kurama: [kisses his forehead]
Yuusuke: [softly to Koenma] Hiei's really mellowed out a lot lately.
Koenma: [softly back] Yeah. It's nice seeing him like that.
Kuwa: [nods in agreement]

>Yuusuke shut up quickly as Hiei ignored him. "Hey, Mr. Hiei, I believe you should listen to your friend, the wand doesn't work. That's why nobody has ever bought it..."
>"Yami." Was the whisper, and the room was plunged into darkness.

Kuwa: They found the vortex.
Hiei: [begins snoring softly]
Kurama: [smiles peacefully as he watches Hiei sleep]
Yuusuke: [quietly] Anyone else annoyed by the Mr. So-And-So crap?
Koenma: [same] "Mr. Zelgadis."
Yuusuke: [rolls his eyes, still quiet] My point.
Koenma: [whispers] It's annoying, yeah.
Kuwa: [whispers] Why are we whispering?
Yuusuke: [same] So Hiei can take a nap and we're gonna be nice and let him.
Kuwa: Oh.
Kurama: [smiles at them, whispers] That's cute.

>"...Wha..? What the hell is going on? Hiei!"
>"Tantei, urusai." Hiei's voice cut through the pitch black like a sword through a body, and Yuusuke shut up.

Yuusuke: [softly] Because I really didn't care what happened anyway. I'd read the script.
Kurama: [laughs softly] That sounds like something Hiei would say.
Yuusuke: [grins, nods]
Koenma: And that metaphor is actually kind of cool...
Yuusuke: So is Harry Potter, and look what the author did to that.
Koenma: [pouts slightly] I was just saying...
Yuusuke: [kisses his cheek] I know. It *is* cool. I'm just being irritable.
Koenma: [hugs him] 'Kay.

>"Mr. Hiei, whatever you did, could you at least turn the lights back on?" Came Olivander's voice, tired, weary, and rather awed.

Yuusuke: [Olivander, still quiet] Now, I remember taking the batteries out of that deux ex mechanica..
Kurama: How can someone be tired, weary, and awed at the same time?
Yuusuke: [looks at him] That was a rhetorical question right?
Kurama: [nods]
Yuusuke: Cool.
Koenma: "Turn off your lights. And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain."
Kuwa: Huh?
Yuusuke: [rolls eyes] It's something from the original Mystery Science Theatre 3000.
Kuwa: Fanboy.
Yuusuke: [shrugs] He said it, I just translated.
Kuwa: You're still a fanboy.
Yuusuke: [whispers to Koenma] I think *he* should be played by Captain Obvious instead.
Kuwa: [glares]

>A nod that wasn't seen by anyone, "Hikari." And Yuusuke's mind reeled with the abrupt change in his vision.

Kurama: [mildly] A nod that wasn't seen by anyone, and it could talk?
Yuusuke: [yawns] Are we almost done with the Gary Stu section?
Kurama: [sighs] I hope so. This is irritating.
Koenma: Agreed.

>"Hiei, what did you do?"
>The youkai didn't answer, just stepping towards Yuusuke, he focused his eyes on the boy, "Shi-ne."

Yuusuke: Hiei will now be played by Aya Fujimiya. And Yuusuke by Takatori.
Koenma: [wrinkles nose at the latter part] Ick.
Kurama: [chuckles]
Kuwa: It'd've been funnier if he'd said "Omae o korosu."
Yuusuke: [snickers]
Hiei: [growls] Do not even ALLUDE to that series.
Yuusuke: I still don't think it's that bad.
Kurama: Well, you *were* paying more attention to the Yaoi.
Yuusuke: I thought everyone did.
Hiei: 'Che. You have to like the characters to bother.
Yuusuke: I did...
Hiei: And here I thought you had taste.
Yuusuke: Oi.
Koenma: [pets him]
Hiei: [thoughtfully] Though-
Kurama: [kisses him to cut him off]

>And Yuusuke suddenly found himself leaping for Hiei's sword. Cursing as Hiei stepped aside, he lept again, this time knocking down a shelf of wands. There was a blank look in the Lord of Toranin's eyes, and Hiei's eyes glinted. "Let me have it!"
>A smooth movement, and Hiei had his sword unsheathed, holding it by the flat of the blade, he held the hilt out to the other boy. "Iie."

Yuusuke: [stares blankly at the screen] I'm confused. What's going on?
Koenma: Something pointless, no doubt.
Yuusuke: Mm. [sorely tempted to shift]
Koenma: [yawns deeply]
Yuusuke: [smirks and moves ever-so-slightly]
Koenma: [breaths in sharply] Yuu-chan...
Yuusuke: [smiles more innocently] K-chan?
Koenma: [blushes and kisses the back of his neck] Behave.
Yuusuke: [giggles] Sorry. Got bored.
Koenma: [shakes his head, amused]

>The result was instantaneous, "What the *fuck* happened? HIEI!" Yuusuke asked, pushing the blade back to Hiei, his eyes wide and fearful. "What did you do?"

Yuusuke: [Hiei] Turned you into my zombie man-slave.
Kurama: Yuusuke!
Yuusuke: Sorry.
Hiei: [shifts to distract Kurama]
Kurama: [chuckles, brushes hands across Hiei's lap]
Hiei: Mmmm... I hope this fic ends soon.
Kurama: [smirks] Ditto.
Kuwa: Hurry up, fic!
Yuusuke: [snickers]
Hiei: [stage whisper] Though, with no consequences, why wait?
Kurama: [same] Mmmm... Good point.
Kuwa: Irk!
Kurama: [giggles lightly]

>Hiei gave a half-smile, closing his eyes as he sheathed the weapon. "I did nothing. I just ordered you to die, and you tried to. When you told me to give you my weapon, I told you no, and you stopped. I don't know what this wand's property is, but, I'm not letting another get it." He noticed Olivander's retreat out of the corner of his eye, and his voice chilled the store keeper to the bone. "Where are you going?"

Yuusuke: [Olivander] I was *trying* to get the hell outta this lame Gary Stu fic, thank you very much!
Kurama: Somehow I don't think Dumbledore or the Ministry of Magic would have allowed that wand to exist with Voldemort on the loose.
Yuusuke: At least, not locked up and dropping hints along the year so that the trio eventually figure out what it is.
Hiei: Was it just me or did that make no sense?
Yuusuke: [raspberry]
Koenma: I know what he was talking about.
Hiei: Unlike you, the rest of us can't translate Yuusuke.
Yuusuke: That's just because you haven't read the books.
Hiei: And you're not talking me into doing it, either.
Yuusuke: Bet Kurama could.
Kurama: [kisses Hiei's neck] Or I could read them to you while we relax on the couch at home.
Hiei: [thinks about that] ... Maybe.
Kurama: [smiles]
Hiei: [kisses him]

>Olivander had begun backing away as he saw what the boy could do. He had seen eyes similar to those once, and that boy became Him. And the red eyes of this stranger were much older than that of His. "Well, I was just about too..."

Yuusuke: Too what?
Hiei: Stupid to survive this fic?
Koenma: And it seems we're not the only ones who think Hiei makes a good dark lord.
Yuusuke: Eep.
Hiei: [laughs menacingly]
Yuusuke: Again, "Eep."
Kurama: [chuckles] I like my Dark Lord.
Hiei: [smirks at him]
Kurama: [pulls him in for another kiss]
Hiei: [giggles and turns to straddle him]
Kurama: [rubs Hiei's backside, pulling him closer]
Hiei: [breaks the kiss and moves down to Kurama's neck]
Kurama: [smiles, continues massaging]

>"Nevermind. I don't care." Hiei turned around to face the human. "Would you be able to determine just what this thing is made of?"

Yuusuke: Gundanium.
Hiei: [kicks him, unfastens the first few buttons on Kurama's shirt]
Yuusuke: Itai! Sorry!!
Kurama: [chuckles]

>The shop keeper pushed his glasses high up on his nose as he reached for the wand. Examining it with an expert eye, he shook his head. "I'm not sure what the material is, but I would guess that the main body is made of some sort of stone. Maybe a gem. I don't detect a core within it, but there seems to be some sort of power inside of it. Other than that, I don't know."

Koenma: [Olivander] Because I like being deliberately vague about something I've supposedly owned for a long time and happen to know nothing about.
Kurama: Despite the fact that he knows all the wands in his shop and probably makes them himself.
Yuusuke: And god forbid this fic ever making sense in any way.
Hiei: It'd self-destruct.
Yuusuke: [wonders if that's a Gundam Wing reference, but decides it's safer not to mention it.]
Hiei: [returns his attention to Kurama's neck]

>"I see. Alright then, I suppose we'd have to pay you. Name your price then."

Yuusuke: Your soul! [laughs maniacally]
Kurama: [gasps as Hiei nips him] Somehow- ooooh, Hiei - I think that'll be a consequence anyway.
Hiei: [smirks against Kurama's neck]
Kurama: [untucks Hiei's shirt and slides his hands up]
Hiei: [shifts again]
Kurama: [moans and nips Hiei's ear]

>Olivander shook his head and put his hands out before him, as if warding away demons. Which would be pretty accurate in it's assumption. "No, no! Take it, both of you, I'll give you your wands for free. Just take them, and don't come back!"

Yuusuke: [Olivander] I don't want to see that deux ex mechanica or you bloody Gary Stus again!
Kuwa: This keeps getting more annoying.
Yuusuke: Yup. Why don't we just blow up this Popsicle stand and call it a day?
Koenma: *No.*
Yuusuke: [pouts] Awww, K-chan...
Koenma: [can't resist kissing him] I don't like the fic either, Yuu-chan, but don't...
Yuusuke: [giggles] I know. It'd make more work for you.
Koenma: And I'd have less time to spend with you.
Yuusuke: [smiles] Exactly why I won't do it. Was just joking.
Koenma: [smiles back]
Hiei: [mumbles against Kurama's neck] Now I'd feel guilty if I did blow it up. Damn them.
Kurama: [rubs Hiei's back under his shirt]
Hiei: [nuzzles his neck and purrs]

>Yuusuke nodded hastily, and turned to run out of the store. Pausing half-way out, he ran back inside, and returned dragging Hiei along with him. "Hiei! Let's get out of there. That grandpa doesn't want to see us again, and I don't ever want to step foot inside that boring old place again."

Yuusuke: [himself] And don't you just hate these slap-stick moments?
Hiei: [himself, still nuzzling Kurama] Aa.
Kurama: Hiei would probably have been out of there before you.
Yuusuke: And telling me to hurry the hell up.
Hiei: [licks Kurama's throat] Yup.
Kurama: [moans softly]
Hiei: [blows on the wet skin]
Kurama: Mmmm...
Hiei: [relaxes against him]
Kurama: [massages his back soothingly]

>The Lord of Toranin's escape was faltered as Hiei rammed his elbow into the other's ribs. Hard. "Let go. I can run just fine."
>"Right... right... Now let's go find Kurama and Kuwabara!"

Yuusuke: Why? The author decided this was going to be a foursome?
Other four: Yuusuke!
Yuusuke: [ducks]
Hiei: [starts giggling into Kurama's shoulder]
Kurama: [cuddles him close]

>"Agreed." In the meantime, Hiei placed the new wand into his pocket, and ran off after the other boy.

Yuusuke: Through a field of daisies...
Koenma: Sappy music playing in the background...
Hiei: I do not frolic.
Kurama: [runs hand through Hiei's hair, chuckling]
Hiei: [nips his neck lightly]

>~

Yuusuke: [sings] Everybody wants to rule the world...
Hiei: Yeah. Pity it's hard to get a hold of.
Kurama: [giggles] You'll get it one day, Dragon.
Koenma: [sighs]
Yuusuke: No need for mad scientists in neon green lab coats with those two around. [nuzzles Koenma's neck]
Hiei: I don't wear neon.
Kurama: Ignore him. He's talking about someone else.
Hiei: Hmmm. Good.

>"You didn't take as long as expected, Hiei, Yuusuke." Kurama noted over his ice cream. The four of them were sitting on the patio of one of the stores... they couldn't remember the name of it actually. And they didn't want to. What's the use? They'd only be there for one year. They probably would never go back to England after the mission was over.

Yuusuke: [Luke] I'm never coming back to this planet again.
Hiei: Until the third movie, at least.
Kuwa: It's called Fortescue's.
Yuusuke: Make way for the new fanboy!
Kuwa: [glares] Shut up.
Hiei: [snickers]
Kurama: But really. If I was *inside* the place, why wouldn't I remember the damn name?
Hiei: [suggestively] I'd hope you'd remember what you were inside of.
Kurama: Mmmm....
Yuusuke: [falls over laughing]
Koenma: [shakes his head, laughing]

>Yuusuke laughed, linking his hands behind his head as he stared up at the sky, his ice cream long finished. "Hiei got tired of waiting and picked out his wand on his own."

Yuusuke: Well, the yellow-ish glow emitting from it kinda gave it away.
Kuwa: Never mind the fact that Olivander apparently went senile.
Koenma: [sarcastic] Understandable, after figuring out that there was going to be two dark lords in the story.
Hiei: Do I get to kill Harry Potter?
Yuusuke: If he's another annoying bitch-clone, yes.
Kuwa: We'll help.
Hiei: Good.
Kurama: [chuckles]

>"Ah, well as Hiei had to presense of mind to eliminate useless time wasting, I suppose we can get our robes fitted today." Reasoned Kurama, and the others nodded.

Kurama: *Presence*. And there should be a "the" before it, not "to."
Hiei: You think too much. [sucks on his neck]
Kurama: [smiles, moans]

>"Might as well do that today, and we can do other things tomorrow. I expect that we won't take as long getting our robes will we?"

Koenma: Who's speaking?
Yuusuke: Me, I think. And what other things exactly?
Hiei: [smirking] Stay in bed and fuck.
Kurama: [smirks back] Sounds like a plan.
Hiei: [grins] Of course, the dressing rooms while getting our robes would work, too.
Yuusuke: Then my clone would be wrong about it not taking so long.
Kuwa: Like that 'wouldn't be coming back to England' thing?
Yuusuke: Yeah...
Kurama: It's like joining the Mile-High Club.
Yuusuke: [snorts-giggles]
Hiei: What the hell is that?
Kurama: [whispers in his ear]
Hiei: [smirks widely] Sounds erotic.
Kurama: [kisses him]
Hiei: [returns it, then grins] There's always a tree, too...
Kurama: [giggles] True.
Yuusuke: [yawns] Exhibitionists.

>As it would happen, getting their robes fitted took less than half an hour. However, they *would* have to come back to pick the clothing up the next day.

Yuusuke: So much for staying in bed all day.
Hiei: Fuck it. You people go get the damn clothes. We'll be occupied.
Yuusuke: Yeah, with your tree and all.
Hiei: Yes.
Kurama: [grins widely]
Hiei: [softly] Isn't there a nice secluded forest near the temple?
Kurama: [same] Hmm, now that you mention it...
Hiei: [smirks widely]

>"Hiei, I really thought you'd kill *this* shop keeper for calling you a kid." Kuwabara guffawed, as Hiei glared.

Yuusuke: As opposed to *that* shopkeeper?
Hiei: [snorts] You actually sometimes get some freebies if people think you're a kid.
Kuwa: The shopkeeper probably thought he was a first year.
Kurama: [glares] He doesn’t look *that* young.
Yuusuke: Well, you sleep with him, so of course you'd think so.
Hiei: [giggles]

>The demon *really* wanted to set fire to that shop, or maybe have his Kokuryuu eat it. Yes, that sounded nice. "If *one* more niigen mistakes me for a child, this entire country is going up in flames."

Yuusuke: That's the spirit! Do it before old Voldie gets the chance.
Kurama: Pfft. The moron would never get that far. Of course Hiei will beat him to it.
Hiei: Mmm... Fire.
Yuusuke: [laughs]
Kurama: My pyro... [kisses his neck]
Hiei: [purrs]

>Kurama fidgeted nervously, he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop Hiei should that happen.

Koenma, Yuusuke, and Kuwa: Just sleep with him.
Kurama: Well, he *is* fidgeting.
Hiei: [smirks, shifts] There's fidgeting.
Kurama: [gasps, pulls him closer] Mmm...

>Yes, they were about equal in strength, but faced with Hiei's Kokuryuu, his plants were rather useless.

Kurama: But my, um, *wand* wouldn't be...
Hiei: [snickers against his throat]
Koenma: Taking over Kurama's job for a second; Kokoryuha. No "u" in koko, and ryu only needs one "u."
Chrissy's voice: She knows. And she wants you to be *meaner*.
Yuusuke: [jaw slacks] Meaner?!
Hiei: [blinks] Well, that's a first.
Kurama: [runs hands through Hiei's hair] First time for everything, suppose.
Hiei: [shrugs] I'm otherwise occupied. [goes back to Kurama's throat, moving his hips again]
Kurama: [gasps loudly]
Yuusuke: [shakes his head] Man, if we got any meaner, it wouldn't be fun anymore.
Kuwa: Yeah...

>Deciding to break the tension that had settled between them, and perhaps cut a bit of the stares from other people, he pointed at a random shop.

Yuusuke: [Random Shop] Hey! Pointing’s rude, ya know!
Kurama: [moans softly] Mmm, Hiei...
Kuwa: Why isn't this thing going faster?!
Yuusuke: [cheekily] It doesn't like you.
Hiei: [puts his hands up Kurama's shirt] It's an inanimate object.
Kurama: Oooh - quite right. [rubs Hiei's ass again]
Hiei: [grinds his hips against Kurama's] I'm always right.
Kurama: [gasps sharply] Hiei!
Yuusuke: [softly to Koenma] Think we're gonna be like that?
Koenma: [blushes deeply] I'm not sure...
Kuwa: Please no, not all four of them...
Hiei: [snickers against the crook of Kurama's neck]

>...That happened to be Diagon Alley's local pet shop. "Hey guys, we haven't gone to this shop yet, come on!"

Yuusuke: *Somebody's* a little too eager to go look at the animals.
Kurama: [growls slightly] If you're implying bestiality...
Hiei: [finishes] You'll regret it.
Yuusuke: Okay, okay! Sheesh. You guys act like I've never talked about Sailor Moon Super S before.
Hiei: Sailor Moon Super S doesn't have Kurama in it.
Yuusuke: No, but it has Chibi-Usa and her horse.
Hiei: And?
Koenma: And his brain jumped topics again.
Yuusuke: [blinks] Well... yeah, kinda.
Hiei: Oh. Short circuit. Happens often enough.
Koenma: [pets Yuusuke] It's how he's so random.
Hiei: [shrugs, goes back to Kurama]

>A long meow sounded out and Kuwabara rushed in immediately. "I'm coming to save you little kitties!"

Kuwa: [flushes] Oi. I'm not that obsessive...
Yuusuke: Well, except for the vortexes...
Kuwa: 'Che. I'm not obsessed with vortexes.
Yuusuke: Are too.
Koenma: Deetoo.
Yuusuke: Huh?
Koenma: [kisses his cheek] Shh.
Hiei: [starts laughing]

>"Baka! That's a *pet* store!" Yuusuke shouted, running in after him.
>"...They're both idiots." Hiei said flatly, staring after the two fools that had already gone.

Yuusuke: - quite insane.
Hiei: [laughs harder]

>Kurama nodded. "Agreed."
>With that, the two followed them into the store. Yuusuke was found at the back, attempting to keep the birds off him. "Oi, Kurama!" He called, catching the red-head's attention. "I don't think I'm gonna get a pet! I think I'll stick with Puu."

Yuusuke: - puu.
Hiei: [snickers] So your pet is Mister Hanky?
Yuusuke: [laughs]
Koenma: You've been waiting years to do that, haven't you?
Yuusuke: [shrugs] Sorta.
Kurama: [giggles]

>The youko laughed. "I agree, Puu is a sweet phoenix, you don't need another bird."

Yuusuke: [Barf in Spaceballs] Funny, he doesn't look like a phoenix.
Kuwa: Well, that movie does fit this fic.
Hiei: [laughs again]
Kurama: [smiles and rubs his back]
Hiei: [rests head on Kurama's shoulder when he's calmed]

>Kuwabara appeared a few minutes later, "I'm with Urameshi,

Yuusuke: Am not!
Kuwa: Ew, Urameshi.
Kurama: Ahem. Moving right along...
Hiei: [starts laughing again]

>I like Eikichi just fine. I don't need another kitty, although I like them all so much."

Yuusuke: *Somebody's* clone has been dipping into the prozac again, methinks.
Kuwa: That obnoxious clone is so *not* me.
Hiei: [laughs harder]
Kurama: [smiles, watching him]
Kuwa: What??
Hiei: [shakes his head, still laughing]
Kurama: [rubs his back, still smiling]
Kuwa: Ugh. [sulks]
Yuusuke: It's best to ignore him, Kuwabara.

>The other smiled, "Well, I want an animal to take care of." And began walking around the shop, looking at the variety of animals they housed. It was near the birds that Kurama found the one he wanted. A raven with light blue eyes stared back at him, the only *quiet* flying creature there. "Would you like to come with me?"

Yuusuke: [raven, squeaky voiced] Hell no!
Koenma: [raven] Nevermore!
Yuusuke: [laughs]
Kurama: [chuckles]

>As if in answer, the bird flew off it's perch, to settle on the niingen's shoulder. Kurama smiled slightly. "I think I'll get you out of here. How does that sound." A nip at his ear and Kurama headed towards the counter to pay for the raven.

Yuusuke: Little did he know that what the raven was actually trying to say was, "Sounds like you need a question mark."
Hiei: Kurama's ear is mine to nip! Mine!
Kurama: [grins] Yours, always.
Hiei: [smirks, nips his ear]
Kurama: [moans lightly, giggling]
Hiei: [shifts again]
Kurama: Mmm - Hiei!!
Hiei: [smirks] Fic's almost over, right?
Kurama: Inari, I hope so...
Hiei: [grinds his hips]
Kurama: [moans loudly]
Kuwa: Hurry up, fic!!
Yuusuke: [trying not to laugh]
Koenma: [laughs softly into Yuusuke's back]

>Kurama looked beside him where Hiei hadn't said anything for the past few minutes. "Hiei? Are you going to get a pet?"

Yuusuke: [Hiei] Why, when I can pet you?
Koenma: Heh. I think what they're doing could be called "heavy petting."
Kuwa: Isn't Kurama his pet?
Yuusuke: S'what I would've thought.
Hiei: [glares] Kurama is my equal.
Kurama: [kisses his neck] They know, Dragon, they're just trying to be funny again.
Hiei: [sulks] And failing.
Kurama: Pay them no mind. [kisses him deeply]
Hiei: [moans into his mouth]

>Hiei shook his head, "No, I have no time for trivial hobbies like a pet." Changing the subject abruptly, Hiei looked up at his best friend. "So, what are you going to call the creature?"

Koenma: Menchi.
Yuusuke: Ein.
Kuwa: Kero.
Yuusuke: It'd be funny if he named it Karasu.
Kurama: [hits him upside the head, not breaking away from Hiei]
Yuusuke: Itai! What'd I say??
Kurama: [breaks away] Despite popular fanfic belief, I did *not* like that man.
Yuusuke: [pouts] I know that.
Hiei: [nuzzles Kurama] Calm, Imp.
Kurama: [does calm] Sore subject, Dragon.
Hiei: [softly] I know, but he's gone and he'll never have you.
Kurama: [hides face in Hiei's neck, smiling] I know.
Hiei: [pets his hair]

>The youko smiled genuinely, "Kuronue."

Kurama: [sighs] My old friend would roll in his grave if he knew about this...
Hiei: Shhh... [continues to pet his hair]
Yuusuke: Meh. Cliché.

>Turning to leave the shop, Kurama being the only one to have purchased anything, there was a small whine, the only warning before something small and furry had latched itself to Hiei's pants leg. The demon looked down, rather surprised, into two large golden eyes staring up at him. Sighing slightly, he turned around, continuing to walk out. When the creature wasn't shaken off, Hiei stopped his movement, and kneeled down this time to get a better look at the animal. The small black fox kit had dug it's paws into the material and refused to let go, letting out multiple whines of self-pity as it continued to stare at the other demon.

Yuusuke: This reminds me of a fanfic I read once...
Kuwa: Since when does the wizard pet shop have foxes and ravens in it?
Kurama: [pouts] Since when do foxes whine?
Hiei: You moan, gasp, cry out, occasionally whimper, but never whine.
Kuwa: TMI.
Yuusuke: It's not the first time. And there *is*, if I remember right, a cage full of noisy ravens in the Magical Menagerie, but not on the loose, and no fox kits.
Hiei: I already have a fox, and I'm quite pleased with him.
Kurama: [grins] I'd hope so.
Kuwa: And Yuusuke retains his fanboy title!
Yuusuke: 'Course I do.
Hiei: [yawns] Normal.
Koenma: [kisses Yuusuke's neck] My fanboy.
Yuusuke: [smirks and shifts]
Koenma: [gasps] Yuu-chan!!
Yuusuke: K-chan?
Koenma: [whispers] Not in public...
Yuusuke: [same] Can't help it. [kisses him]
Koenma: [kisses him back, then whispers] No, I mean... later.
Yuusuke: [smiles] I know. Looking forward do it. [blushes lightly]
Koenma: [blushes too]

>When Hiei didn't say anything, the stare somehow turned into a glare, and the kit began climbing up his leg, settling itself comfortably at the juncture of his thigh and hip. The whines turned to purrs, and it's eyes closed contentedly. Looking back at Kurama, he saw that all three were chuckling at the sight. Sighing, again, he removed the kit from his leg, and held it carefully to his chest. Standing up, he looked at the shop keeper, who, for some reason, had the strangest look of surprise on her face.

Koenma: As opposed to a not-so-strange look?
Hiei: Why does this have to be cliche??
Kurama: And apparently there are three of me...
Yuusuke: Oh my god! The three naked Gabrielles! [laughs]
Hiei: Huh?
Koenma: Xena. [pets Yuusuke's head]
Yuusuke: Gabrielle's scroll is enchanted by Aphrodite, and everything she writes on it comes true. When she's not looking, Joxer writes a poem to her, and three naked Gabrielles appear.
Koenma: [pets his head some more] Uh huh.
Hiei: Fanboy.
Yuusuke: [rolls his eyes]
Hiei: You are.
Yuusuke: Duh.

>"I suppose I'll have to take the kit." He sighed, "...How much?"

Yuusuke: Your soul!!
Hiei: *Why* do I have to get it?
Kuwa: Watch it be free again.

>"Oh!" She started, shaken out of her suddenly dazed stupor, "That kit has caused me so much trouble in the past! I was originally going to sell it for 35 galleons, but nobody wanted it because it was so much trouble. You're the first one to offer, so I'll give you a discount." Hiei rolled his eyes.

Yuusuke: [Hiei] See? All I have to do is look cute and I get whatever I want.
Koenma: [Kurama] So I see...
Hiei: True enough. [blinks innocently at Kurama] Ravage me?
Kurama: [smirks, licks his neck ravenously]
Yuusuke: [trying not to laugh]
Hiei: [gasps] See?
Yuusuke: [laughs out loud now]
Koenma: [shakes his head, laughing]

>"I don't care, could you just name a price?"

Hiei: [himself] I want to get out of here quickly so Kurama can ravage me.
Kurama: [against his neck] I thought that's what I was doing.
Hiei: Full-body ravaging.
Kurama: Mmm... We'll definitely have to pay that forest a visit.
Hiei: [laughs] Not right away. Takes too long to get there.
Kurama: [giggles] True.
Hiei: [grinds his hips] Ravage me.
Kurama: [gasps] As you wish.
Yuusuke: [falls over laughing]
Kuwa: Hurry up, fic! Please!!!
Yuusuke: [laughs harder from the theatre floor]

>"I'll give you 25 galleons off, since you're actually buying it, and you can get it for just--" She never got to finish. Hiei had already left, taking the kit with him, and leaving 10 galleons behind. "...What a wierd kid..." She murmured, staring at the coins in her hand.

Yuusuke: Oh, don't mind him. He and his mate are perpetually in heat.
Koenma: Weird.
Hiei: This is ridiculous. Distract me, Imp?
Kurama: Of course. [kisses Hiei, strokes his chest beneath his shirt.]
Hiei: [gasps softly]

>~

Yuusuke: [sings] Touch-a touch-a touch-a touch me /I wanna be dirty...
Hiei: [giggles]
Kurama: [sucks on Hiei's neck]
Hiei: [moans]

>"Oi, Kurama, why did the kit go for Hiei instead of you?" Yuusuke asked, confusion present on his face as he asked what had been bugging him for a while.

Yuusuke: If I was going to do *that*, I would’ve asked what the fuck was in the briefcase in Pulp Fiction.
Koenma: That bugs everyone.
Hiei: Because it would've been even more cliché.
Kurama: Yeah, it's stereotypical enough as it is.
Kuwa: I hope it's almost over...

>"I don't know, I would have thought that since I'm a fox too, the kit would come to me, but he didn't..."

Yuusuke: [Kurama] Maybe only fire demons respond to my pheromones...
Kurama: [starts laughing]
Hiei: [smiles slightly]
Koenma: [kisses the back of Yuusuke's neck] Silly.
Yuusuke: [cheekily] I know.
Koenma: [chuckles]

>Hiei snorted, unconsciously petting the kit, he stopped as he noticed what he was doing. A growl started and he shrugged, beginning to stroke the fur again. A unintended smile gracing his lips as a purr rose from the fox. "Don't fret over it, K'rama. What's done is done."

Yuusuke: Hiei sounds tired again.
Kurama: He's not petting the kit after all, then.
Hiei: [snickers] Oh, I'll "pet the kit," all right... [gropes]
Kurama: [gasps]
Yuusuke: [cracks up]

>Kurama smiled, seeing Hiei's point, and nothing more was said on it.

Kurama: Wouldn't *need* to say anything about it after seeing Hiei's... point... [hands brush against Hiei's lap]
Hiei: [gasps and jerks his hips] Kurama...
Kurama: [grinning] We can go now, Dragon.
Hiei: [blinks] It's over?
Kurama: Yup, all done. Let's go home so I can *really* ravage you.
Hiei: [grins] No argument there. [slides off his lap]
[they hurry out of the theatre]
Kuwa: 'bout time! [stands, stretches, and leaves]
Yuusuke: [grins widely] We're finally alone. [shifts against Koenma one more time]
Koenma: [gasps] Yuu-chan! [blushes deeply] Let's go.
Yuusuke: 'kay. [takes Koenma's hand and they walk out together]

*

Botan saw them heading toward Koenma’s bedroom and she began hooting. Her boss flushed deeply and told her to get back to work.

“Yeah, I know, I know - you two are waiting for the right time,” she said, smiling. “That’s really sweet, you know.”

“Didn’t know we had it in us?” Yuusuke joked. Koenma shook his head and laughed, not for the first time today.

Botan giggled. “Well, not at first, but the more I think about it, the more sense it makes.”

“And I’m sure reading the Msts didn’t help in that at all,” Koenma remarked mildly.

Botan winked. “Go on, you guys. Have fun!” She walked off in the opposite direction.

“Wonder what she’d think if she found out today *was* the right time,” Yuusuke said once they were inside the Junior God’s room. The guy had everything anyone could possibly want in a bedroom, and the half-human had resisted all urges to make “spoiled brat” comments at first sight. As their friends had hypothesized, the bed was large, complete with purplish-blue drapes hanging from all sides. A wooden cabinet held the television and movies - a large amount were Yuusuke’s, having been brought over from the Ningenkai and never taken back. In fact, some of the clothes in Koenma’s closet were Yuusuke’s. He even had his own toothbrush in the bathroom, resting beside the godling’s.

They’d paused in front of the closed door. Koenma looked into his eyes seriously, searchingly. “You’re sure about this?” Was he really ready?

Yuusuke smiled broadly. “Yeah, I am.”

The truth shining in his eyes, Koenma smiled back and blushed.

“Are you?” Yuusuke asked, just to make sure. They had made the decision to wait together, and they would make this one unanimously as well.

Koenma nodded readily, squeezing his hand. “I’m nervous, of course, but I’m okay.”

“Cool.” The shorter man dragged the other to the bed and he hoped up onto it. It bounced him briefly and Koenma, chuckling at his behavior, sat beside him. A quiet moment stretched, neither knowing where to begin.

The junior god looked at his pillows and suddenly remembered something. “I missed you last night.”

Yuusuke smiled. “Mom went out drinking again, so I was pretty lonely too.” He laughed nervously. “So, um…”

Koenma followed suit. “Yeah…” He leaned forward and kissed Yuusuke’s cheek. This had to start somewhere.

The younger boy didn’t let him pull away. Yuusuke titled his head so their lips brushed. The kiss was deepened, and he lay back on the bed, pulling Koenma down with him. Slowly, he began tugging the godling’s robes off. He smirked at the older man when his chest and stomach were revealed. “Definitely not a toddler,” he remarked.

Koenma grinned brightly, and his breath quickened more when Yuusuke reached for his trousers. He pulled the young man back for a heated kiss, running his hands hungrily through the un-gelled hair. Having gelled it as often as he had, Yuusuke’s hair wasn’t quite as soft as his, but it wasn’t stiff or too coarse. It was Yuusuke’s and he loved it.

He kicked the pants the rest of the way off, and blushed at the way Yuusuke studied him - rather, his half-hard member. The godling gulped. “Yuusuke, this isn’t fair.” He tugged on the teen’s shirt pointedly.

Yuusuke blushed. “Oh, yeah.” He pulled his top over his head and flung it on the floor; in the general direction Koenma’s clothes had gone. Koenma’s eyes got that far-away look as he gazed at the young man’s chest, and Yuusuke sighed, almost sadly. “You’re doing it again.”

Koenma blinked. “What?”

“The scars,” Yuusuke said.

The godling looked away. “You never told me about them,” he said after a moment.

Yuusuke rolled his eyes. “Well, it does kinda ruin the mood,” he said, trying to keep the testiness out of his voice. He reached over and tilted Koenma’s face up by his chin, kissing him softly. “I’m here, K-chan. Right here, with you. No bad monster got me.” He licked the other’s lips, and then circled Koenma’s face until the other smiled at his actions. “Some people wear scars with pride.”

“But --”

“I don’t blame you for any of it, K-chan,” Yuusuke cut him off, their faces still close. He could feel Koenma’s breath brush against his nose and mouth. “So stop blaming yourself.” Taking one of Koenma’s hands, he placed it on his chest, over his heart. “I love you.”

*He takes everything so lightly,* Koenma amazed again, and rolled on top of the teenager, kissing him fondly. He ran his hands over the boy’s chest and stomach, worshipfully tracing the scars. While he didn’t love the cause of them, they were a part of the one he loved. *It doesn’t matter to him that they’re there. So should it matter to me, really?* Yuusuke’s hands roamed over his back, down his spine, rubbing and squeezing his ass. Koenma moaned and the kiss grew more passionate. He lost his train of thought.

From the day they had met, Yuusuke Urameshi had always shocked and amazed him. From his words, his actions, his utter spontaneity. He was reckless, a delinquent, unserious about his training and in the end would do what needed to be done despite the odds against him. And the godling loved him, loved it all. He didn’t think he had always, from that first day. It had grown over time. That seemed more special than love at first sight, to Koenma.

Yuusuke jerked his hips upward, rubbing against Koenma, and the junior god reached down to undo the zipper of his pants. Forgoing taking the pants off all the way - that would waste time - he stroked the teen’s length once his hand slipped inside the jeans. Yuusuke moaned and pulled his mouth away, kissing and licking at the godling’s neck. He clutched Koenma’s backside in time with his thrusting his penis against his thigh. Koenma’s hand was in his hair again.

The godling ran his thumb over the head of his length, making Yuusuke moan out his name loudly, pleadingly. He stroked the teen’s penis faster as Yuusuke thrust his hips upward more, his moans growing louder.

“K-chan!” he cried out, and his orgasm hit. The hands clutching his buttocks tightened and Koenma pressed his face into the teen’s neck, stroking him till he was done.

Dazedly, realizing that Koenma was still rubbing himself against his leg, Yuusuke took the godling in his hand and stroked. Koenma cried out, louder than Yuusuke had, and came.

They lay unmoving for a long time until Koenma shivered as his back grew cold. He sat up and stretched, then saw Yuusuke was gazing up at him with a contented look in his eyes. He didn’t believe he’d ever seen the teen look so relaxed.

“Well,” Yuusuke whispered, “we did it.”

“Let me go get the confetti,” Koenma joked, causing the teen to snicker sharply.

“I love you,” the young man said again, once his laughter subsided.

Koenma lay back down and put his arms around the almost-naked teenager. “I love you too, Yuu-chan,” he said in return, kissing Yuusuke’s nose fondly. He smiled. “Now, would you care to join me in the shower?”

“Shower?”

“We’re sticky.”

“Oh. Right. Nearly forgot.” The teen stretched languidly. Koenma watched the way his muscles moved during the action, and saw the scars again.

It didn’t hurt so much, seeing them. They were just another part of Yuusuke. He would always partially blame himself for them, he knew. But not nearly as much, if he looked at them from Yuusuke’s point of view.

“Are we going or what?” Yuusuke asked.

Koenma smiled brightly. “Sure.” He let the teen lead him to the bathroom. They did not come out of the shower immediately after getting cleaned, however, much to their mutual enjoyment. The rest of the night was spent in this manner, though probably not as wet all of the time.


Notes:

Because I’m a freak -- in the beginning, the sequel Hiei and Kurama are watching? That’s Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge. The homosexual theme part is true, however the “homophobic” part is just my own opinion. Oh, and Kurama has some satellite channels because I do now too. ^^;; That would explain why Finding Nemo was on.

Again, sorry for the lateness. I swear, I’m not doing it on purpose.

Also, I must pimp Rose's YYH fanfiction contest: Green Grapes and Lemonade. She still needs submissions for Shoujo-ai, AU, and Action/Adventure, I believe.
http://www.angelfire.com/anime4/grapesnlemons/index2.html Even if you're modest and don't think your fics are very good, you should try anyway. You may be surprised.