Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Enma's Torment Theatre ❯ Honest Confessions? The Fallen Hair ( Chapter 24 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Enma’s Torment Theatre: Season Two
Episode Twenty-Four: Honest Confessions? The Fallen Hair
Story: Unnecessary Meddling
Story by: Keaira (Thanks again, hon. *snugs*)
Msted by: Rose Thorne and Chrissy Sky

Notes: The short Zel/Xel scene at the end of this episode was inspired by an idea that my girlfriend, Kaylbunny, had. (The hair thing? So hers.) So it’s dedicated to her. ^_^ Kayleigh, you probably could’ve written it better. Your Zel/Xel ficlets tend to blow my mind. In case I didn’t get that across before, I just wanted you to know now.



- Ningenkai -

Lina lay sprawled on the floor on her stomach in front of the television, her feet up and slightly swaying back and forth. Xellos was beside her, sitting cross-legged and back erect. Genkai couldn’t imagine him slouching, when she thought about it.

She must have been sitting there smoking and watching them for the longest time, their eyes glued to the screen. Suddenly, an evil scheme formed in her mind, and she smirked around the cigarette between her lips. She took it out of her mouth, extinguished it, and rose to find the remote.

“You two want to see something interesting?” she asked, not bothering to hide her smirk. Lina looked intrigued while Xellos had a perplexed little frown on his face. The next moment, they both were watching an animated program. It took them a moment to realize what it was, and it was a long moment filled with silence except for the sound of the television.

It was the voices of the characters that they recognized more than anything.

Lina’s eyes widened. “Oh wow! That’s us!”

“Indeed, Lina-san, so it would seem,” Xellos replied, his own orbs open and obviously surprised. He saw himself, his cartoon self, fighting the Mazoku Saygram. He had always known he was impressive in battle, but to actually see it was something else entirely.

Lina giggled as she watched her friends fending off the two little Mazoku balls. Then her own entrance, accompanied by Martina, as they finished leaving the cave that held the original Claire Bible. Then saw Amelia defeat the balls with her usual righteous flair, and thought she heard Xellos murmur something along the lines of, “Don Quixote” under his breath. It all happened as they remembered. Saygram’s defeat, Amelia being mortally wounded, Lina casting the Ragna Blade twice… Xellos even flinched a little when he saw Gaav cutting his animated self open like a paper doll.

Experimentally, Lina reached out and poked Xellos’ arm. “Wow. Feels real.”

Xellos gave a nervous laugh. “It is, Lina-san. To an extent.”

“It’s cool.” She looked at him thoughtfully. “How much of a Mazoku is Zel? I mean, could he go into the Astral Plane like you guys do?”

It figured that Lina would pick that up and Zelgadis still seemed so uninterested in his Mazoku half. Xellos looked around quickly for a distraction and saw Yuusuke walking into the temple. “Oh, Yuusuke-san’s arrived!”

Lina glared at Xellos for avoiding her question. Yuusuke smiled cheerfully and walked further into the room. “Hey, guys! Grandma.” Genkai grunted and lit another cigarette. “What’re you doing today?” He had stopped by at least once a day to check up on the new arrivals. They seemed to be settling in rather nicely, though Lina and Zelgadis definitely missed their home. One of the distractions they had discovered was cable TV. Xellos, well, was his usual enigmatic self still when some things were concerned. Yuusuke partly suspected that the reason he’d revealed so much in the theatre last time was because, since it wasn’t pertaining to a mission, that he didn’t need to keep it a secret. But the teen couldn’t be sure.

Xellos never lied, he remembered. Just kept the truth to himself, and for his own amusement sometimes.

Maybe… those were things he just wanted Lina and Zelgadis to know? Yuusuke shook his head. Far be it from him to figure out the crazy priest. It was about then that he caught sight of what was on the television. He turned to Genkai accusingly.

“Oi, old hag!” he complained, whining. “I wanted to show them Slayers!”

Genkai smirked. “Dork.”

“This means war!” He was about to take further action with his threat when he heard a sound that was definitely not from the TV. Music? “Hey, what’s that?”

In another moment, he found himself down on the ground, Genkai having kicked his head.

“You let your guard down,” she admonished casually. Yuusuke kicked at her, but she dodged.

Sighing, the teen asked, “Don’t you hear that?”

“Eh?” His teacher stopped a moment herself and listened. She blinked as if remembering something. “Hmm. I wonder…” Without finishing her thoughts, she walked outside. Yuusuke followed at her heels, as did a now curious Lina and Xellos.

Once outside, they could hear the soft, sombre music more clearly and tracked the sound. It was a rather melancholic tune, though still beautiful.

“I think I’ve heard this before,” Lina whispered.

Yuusuke had definitely heard it before--he realized it the closer he got--he just didn’t quite believe it until he saw it. Sure enough, they found Zelgadis sitting under a tree, a guitar held nimbly in his grasp. The Chimera’s eyes were closed, so he did not see them, and his expression was utterly peaceful, as if he were lost in the tune. The sun shined down through the branches of the tree above him, causing his wire hair to shimmer dramatically.

The shaman’s audience was too awed to speak at first, though it definitely felt like they were intruding. Zelgadis was a private person, and this was something he had probably wanted to keep from the rest of them. Yuusuke remembered when he had first heard this tune. Filia and Lina had been fighting malignant ghosts on a ship full of crockery, and Zelgadis had sat idly by, playing a classical guitar he’d randomly found on the ship. He’d even continued to play as the ship sank.

The teen stole a glance at Xellos. The purple-haired man’s face was expressionless, his eyes closed. But his staff was positioned just beside his cheek, in an almost comfortable way, like he was leaning into it. He definitely seemed as mesmerized as they all were, though far be it from him to take that as a good sign. The Mazoku wasn’t deaf, obviously. Either way, it didn’t mean anything.

When Zelgadis finished the song, he opened his eyes when clapping reached his ears. Two sets of clapping, to be exact. Lina and Yuusuke cheered, which made his stone skin burn from embarrassment.

“My, Zelgadis-san, what skilful technique you have!” Xellos proclaimed, grinning widely, which made the blush worse.

Zelgadis growled when Lina and Yuusuke looked like they wanted to snicker. “How long have you all been standing there?”

“Long enough,” Genkai answered. “I see you found that old thing.”

“Oh.” Zelgadis looked at the instrument in his hands, suddenly sheepish. “Yeah. I was just looking around and--”

“If you want it, you can have it,” the old woman immediately offered.

Zelgadis looked up at her, dazed. “Really?”

“Well, your other one probably ended up being ruined once the ship sank,” Genkai said. “Keep it if you want. It’ll go to more use than sitting in old cupboards.”

The Chimera smiled, obviously touched by the gift, all traces of his frowns disappearing. “Thank you.”

*

Hiei drowsed on the sofa, half asleep. He had essentially forced Kurama to keep up his daily routine, despite the fox's grousing. The redhead hadn't been himself lately, which had bothered Hiei a lot. It wasn't that he was different... just that he was forcing himself to do things. Hiei had stayed awake while he slept several times this week, wondering if there was anything he could do to help. He hadn't been able to think of anything, short of confronting Kurama's mother, which was something he didn't particularly want to do.

He was nearly asleep when the doorbell rang. He sighed at the sound and checked to see if it was Kuwabara or Yuusuke or, Reikai forbid, Botan, but he didn't feel a ki signature. Hiei frowned as the doorbell rang again and went to answer it.

Hiei opened the door to find Shiori standing there, and he had to stop himself from shutting the door on her. He stared up at her in shock before finally speaking, "Shuiichi isn't here right now..."

"I know," she responded, and Hiei felt his stomach drop painfully. "I came to speak with you."

The fire demon felt sick, but he couldn't tell her no and shut the door on her, on Kurama's mother. So he opened the door completely, allowing her to step inside. He managed to control his breathing despite his panic, and led her to the kitchen after she removed her shoes. Hiei vaguely remembered the Japanese custom of offering tea to a guest, and he filled a kettle with water and set it on the stove before carefully taking out the teapot.

Shiori had settled at the table and was watching him, and it made Hiei pointedly uncomfortable. He wished Kurama would come home. The silence lasted until the kettle began to whistle, and Hiei took it off the stove and poured it into the teapot so the tea would steep. He was getting out two teacups when Shiori spoke.

"How old are you, Hiei-san?"

He dropped one of the cups, wincing as it shattered against the countertop. He picked up the shards, tossing them in the trash, as he thought about the question. He could give an approximate answer, translated into human years, or he could be honest and say he didn't know. He mulled over these choices as he took another cup from the cupboard.

Hiei took the cups and the pot to the table and sat down before deciding how to answer. He decided to be honest, as Kurama had started the whole idea of honesty. "I don't know, exactly."

Shiori frowned, and Hiei decided that the tea had steeped enough and poured them each some. "What do you mean?"

Hiei looked at her pointedly. "I know approximately, but I don't know my birthday, or really even the year." That, actually, was something he should probably ask Yukina... when he got around to telling her...

Shiori sipped her tea before speaking, and Hiei wondered briefly if she was going to ask why. He was relieved when she didn't. "Approximately, then."

Hiei shrugged, quickly calculating about how many human years would be appropriate. "Nineteen, twenty. Something like that."

Shiori nodded slowly. "How is Shuuichi?"

The fire demon blinked at her, confused by the sudden shift. He, again, decided to be honest. "Worried," was all he said. He figured if she was going to say what he thought she was going to say, it might as well be quickly.

He watched as Shiori traced the rim of her cup with a finger. It took her several seconds to respond. "I see." She didn't say anything for several minutes, simply sipping her tea. Just when her silence was beginning to make Hiei nervous, she spoke again. "About what I'll say?"

Hiei hesitated, and then nodded. "He cares a lot about you." He didn't know what else to say, and there was another period of silence. "Nothing I say or do alleviates that worry." He realized this was leaving himself open, but this conversation was going to occur on his terms.

"And you leaving would only hurt him more." That wasn't what Hiei had expected. He had expected her to suggest that he leave, that getting rid of him would be the easiest solution to the problem. "I'm not here to ask you to leave my son, Hiei-san."

Hiei looked away, unable to face her gaze. "Then why are you here, Shiori-san?"

"I never took the opportunity to get to know my son's friends." Hiei glanced at her. "You are a big part of my son's life, and I want to get to know you."

Hiei suddenly felt very tired, and he wished more than ever that Kurama was home to handle this. But he wasn't, and he wouldn't be home for probably another hour. "The only person I've ever allowed close to me is your son," he said finally. "But... I'll try to answer whatever you want to know..."

Reikai –
[Sitting from left to right: Kuwabara, Koenma, Yuusuke, Lina, Zelgadis, and Xellos]

Kuwa: So, still no Hiei and Kurama?
Yuusuke: [shakes his head] No. They're having... problems right now...
Lina: Poor guys.
Koenma: [sighs] I'm sure things will be fine. I have faith that his mother will understand.
Yuusuke: [smiles hopefully] Yeah, she’s not the type to not to, and she loves Kurama.
Kuwa: [nods]
Xellos: Will you be playing your guitar again this afternoon, Zelgadis-san?
Zelgadis: [shrugs uncomfortably]
Yuusuke: [snickers]
Lina: How cute! We're starting early this time.
Zelgadis: [blushes] Shut up.

Title: "Unnecessary Meddling"

Yuusuke: Dubs?
Koenma: Ugh. Suck.
Yuusuke: [grins] On...?
Koenma: [blushes lightly] Later.
Yuusuke: [kisses his cheek] Can't wait.
Koenma: [grins]

By: Keaira

Kuwa: Who?
Yuusuke: Ah, new blood.
Lina: [disinterested] Yay.

>A/N: A friend dared me to write this, so blame her.

Zelgadis: That... can't be a good sign.
Koenma: Generally it isn't.

>I think we've just read so many fics in which the group is trying to set Kurama and Hiei up together.

Yuusuke: [smiles slowly] Heh.
Koenma: [laughs] It worked for us.
Yuusuke: [snickers] Yeah, I know, huh?
Kuwa: And you even have new targets.
Zelgadis: [annoyed] Hardly.
Xellos: [no reaction]

>Not that I dislike those fics, many of them are well written, it's just that we were reading one that happened to be poorly written, and... well, this happened.

Koenma: I feel a migraine coming on.
Zelgadis: Ditto.
Kuwa: Lucky Hiei and Kurama.
Lina: Yeah, we're missing our show.
Zelgadis: 'Our show'?
Lina: Yeah. We watched it while you were outside serenading Xel--er, the trees.
Zelgadis: What show? [ignores the part about Xellos]
Lina: *Ours.*
Xellos: You're not explaining it well, Lina-san.
Lina: Shush, you. [to Zel] It's an anime all about us, called Slayers. Kinda fitting, that.
Yuusuke: Careful, you might set off the Fourth Wall...
Koenma: That Fourth Wall is awfully tolerant, when you compare it to Chris Rain's or Megane 6.7's. Think about all the references you've made in the past, and it's only gone off a handful of times.
Yuusuke: [thoughtfully] That's true...

>Also, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to the original creator of Yu Yu Hakusho for the horrible butchering of his characters. The OOCness abounds.

Yuusuke: Pain... Suffering...
Kuwa: Man, why can't they ever write us right?
Koenma: Well, I think this time the author did it on purpose.
Kuwa: Oh... Okay...
Koenma: [pats]

>Disclaimer: Don't own it. Wish I did. Happy?

All: No.
Zelgadis: Well, maybe the Mazoku is.
Xellos: [sweat drops] I look like this most of the time, Zelgadis-san.
Lina: He probably meant you're a sadist.
Xellos: Oh. [grins] I am! But no more than any other Mazoku is.
Zelgadis: No less, either.
Xellos: Mou... You have some sadistic tendencies too, Zelgadis-san.
Zelgadis: That's different.
Xellos: [somewhat amused] How is it different, Zelgadis-san?
Zelgadis: [shifts uncomfortably] It--just is.
Lina: That's lame, Zel.
Yuusuke: Yeah. Aren't you part Mazoku, too, anyway? By default that'd make you sadistic.
Zelgadis: [growls]
Xellos: [holds up finger] Actually, that's not quite right. While it's true for most Mazoku, Zelgadis is a Halfling, and by that same default, he is only as sadistic as his environment allows, not his blood. Because of his human half.
Yuusuke: Ah. That explains a lot.
Zelgadis: [blinks at Xellos] Is that true?
Xellos: [smiles] Why would I lie?
Zelgadis: [glares] I can think of a few reasons...
Yuusuke: [snickers] About this?
Zelgadis: [blushes] Yes. Er, no!
Xellos: If that were my motivation, wouldn't I be saying the opposite, Zelgadis-san?
Zelgadis: [looks down, shrugs] Maybe you want me to trust you.
Xellos: [doesn't respond]
Lina: Would that be so bad? Trusting him?
Zelgadis: He'll only betray us. Eventually we end up fighting all the Mazoku Lords. What makes his master any different? She's always having him follow us around, to be used as pawns in their internal wars! First Gaav, then Valgaav--
Yuusuke: You've got a bit of a ranting problem, Zel.
Zelgadis: [blushes slightly] Oh.
Yuusuke: He's not his master, though. He could be just as much of a pawn as you guys are.
Xellos: Yes, that's very true, Yuusuke-san!
Yuusuke: [surprised] Are you?
Xellos: [grins widely] That's a se--
Yuusuke: Never mind.
Lina: [shakes her head] You get used to that.
Yuusuke: Yeah... But he seemed so open about himself last time.
Xellos: Yes, but none of what I said actually pertained to my current mission.
Yuusuke: Oh. Thought so.
Koenma: That's not exactly unusual, though. I mean, you guys wouldn't spout off your mission plans to random people.
Xellos: Yes, exactly! You have no idea who could overhear you.
Koenma: Especially if those people are part of the objective of that mission.
Zelgadis: Meaning us.
Xellos: [sweat drops] More often than not, yes, Zelgadis-san.
Lina: Well, at least that wasn't a secret.
Xellos: [pouts] I thought it seemed pretty obvious, Lina-san...
Lina: Heh. You're not always with us.
Xellos: That's true. But as the Beastmaster's only servant, I have many duties.
Zelgadis: You're her only servant?
Xellos: [nods] While most Mazoku Lords choose to have two, a Priest and a General, or sometimes four or more, Xellas-sama decided to only have one.
Lina: [smirks] So you'd be the most powerful. Since Mazoku create each other from their own power, she gave you the strength of a Priest *and* a General, right? That's what Gaav meant when he said how powerful you really were.
Xellos: Right as always, Lina-san!
Zelgadis: [snorts]
Xellos: [opens one eye] Zelgadis-san is different, however. He was created from no lord. His Mazoku half came straight from Shabranigdu-sama himself.
Yuusuke: So what does that do?
Xellos: [smiles mysteriously] Yes, that is the question, isn't it?
Zelgadis: [growls, grabs his collar] This is what you were talking about before we came here, isn't it?!
Xellos: [opens both eyes, smirking] It's not my place to say.
Lina: [snorts] It probably means he doesn't know and doesn't want to admit it, Zel.
Xellos: [embarrassed grin] Right on the button again, Lina-san.
Zelgadis: [lets go of him with a disgruntled snort] Figures.
Koenma: Well, you're probably rather unique. I doubt they'd have information to draw from.
Zelgadis: That's true... Rezo was the only person I've ever heard of making Chimeras. That's why finding my cure has been so hard... He didn't leave much behind.
Lina: So you shouldn't blame Xellos for not knowing anything.
Xellos: [smiles] I honestly wish I did, Zelgadis-san.
Zelgadis: [flushes slightly]

>Summary: This really doesn't deserve an R rating, but I'm being VERY cautious. Anyway, any summary I could think of would probably scare you, so just try reading it. Shounen-ai.

Yuusuke: I'm scared anyway.
Kuwa: We learn from experience.

>~*~

Yuusuke: Yoake ni hohoemu kimi ga oshietekureta ano uta o / Utaitsuzuke / Hoshizora ni kaeru namida o kazoeteta / Nando mo nando mo tada kurikaeshiteita yoru...
Koenma: Gackt?
Yuusuke: [grins] I got some new ones.
Kuwa: Good. You needed 'em.
Yuusuke: [raspberries]
Koenma: [chuckles]

>"Okay, now does everyone remember what they're supposed to do?" Yusuke asked the small group gathered in front of Kurama's front door.

Yuusuke: Makes it sound like we're getting ready for a play....
Lina: I was in a play once with Gourry... Wow, that was a long time ago.
Zelgadis: [shakes his head]
Xellos: Was that before I met you?
Lina: Yeah. Hell, it was before we fought Copi Rezo.
Xellos: [giggles] Sorry I missed that.
Lina: We were a hit! [snickers] We were performing a story about a hero who fights monsters, and then we really *were* attacked by monsters. The audience thought it was all apart of the program!
Yuusuke: You think about Gourry almost as much as you think about food.
Lina: [blushes] Irk.
Xellos: [smiles] It's very cute.
Kuwa: [snickers]
Lina: [blushes more]
Zelgadis: At least I'm not the only one picked on...
Yuusuke: We'll get back to you in a second.
Zelgadis: [glares]
Koenma: [laughs]

>Botan raised her hand, smiling excitedly. "I do!"
>Kuwabara rolled his eyes, pushing Botan's hand back down. "We've been over this a thousand times, Urameshi. We know the plan. But I STILL want to know WHY we're doing this!"

Yuusuke: Because it's in the script!
Kuwa: Because we have nothing better to do but meddle in our friends' lives.
Yuusuke: Yeah--Oi.
Kuwa: [snickers] Sorry.
Yuusuke: [pouts]
Koenma: [kisses his pouting lips]
Yuusuke: [grins and kisses back]
Lina: [grins, whistles]
Kuwa: You're a voyeur?
Lina: [blush] No, but I'm right next to them. Can't help but see 'em. Now, Zelgadis, I don't know what his excuse is.
Zelgadis: [blush] Don't turn this on me!
Xellos: He wasn't cheering them on, Lina-san.
Zelgadis: [a little startled his has back up] Yeah!
Yuusuke: Now that's cute.
Koenma: [giggles] Definitely.
Zel and Xel: [blush]
Lina: That's even cuter.
Zelgadis: [blushes more] Shut up.
Xellos: [same] I was only saying the truth.
Yuusuke: [giggles]
Kuwa: They match.
Zelgadis: Do not!
Lina: It's so adorable.
Kuwa: So sweet you can get cavities.

>"Because Kurama and Hiei are together a lot, and therefore want each other. It's SO obvious," Keiko stated, rather randomly.

Yuusuke: The logic of every rabid fangirl.
Kuwa: Keiko's not a rabid fangirl...
Yuusuke: I know that!
Lina: They definitely belong together. Kind of like two other people we know.
Zelgadis: Why am *I* the only one who doesn't think so?!
Yuusuke: Oh, wow. That's implying that you know Xellos doesn't mind at all.
Zelgadis: [eyes widen] Um....
Lina: Well, Xellos didn't say he did or didn't. He just was kinda shocked for a bit, then got over it.
Yuusuke: [giggles] So, Xellos, what do you think?
Lina: And don't say it's a secret!
Xellos: [seriously] Honestly, I believe it is rather discourteous to pry like that.
Zelgadis: [grumbles something like, "why didn't I think of that?"]
Xellos: [smiles silently]
Zelgadis: [glances at him and blushes again]
Yuusuke: Heh. Should've figured he'd go all serious and dance around it.
Lina: Sneaky little bugger.
Yuusuke: [snorts]

>Yusuke nodded, and Koenma pushed past the others with an air of self importance. "Let's just get this over with. I have a lot of work to do back in Rekai, and am actually unsure as to why I am helping all of you in the first place, since this involves no actual Rekai business, and I have never expressed any personal interest in Kurama or Hiei's private lives whatsoever."

Koenma: [blinks] Do I really sound like that?
Yuusuke: No. It's OOC.
Koenma: Phew. Thought I'd have a Dib moment there for a second...
Kuwa: Nah. You sound more like Rimmer from Red Dwarf.
Koenma: [blinks] I do?
Kuwa: Er. The clone does.
Koenma: Ohh.
Xellos: Did he write "I am a fish" four hundred times and pass out?
Yuusuke: [laughs] No. Rimmer's a tightass. K-chan's not.
Koenma: [smiles]

>Everyone just blinked at Koenma, who raised his hand to knock on the door... then stopped as he realized that it was already open, and Kurama was blinking uncertainly at the five people on his doorstep.

Yuusuke: Wa-wa-waaa...
Lina: [amused] Why were you talking about it on his front porch, anyway?
Kuwa: They're OOC and stupid.
Koenma: Well, they probably didn't think that Kurama would hear them...
Lina: It's his *front door*. Of course he'd hear ya.
Yuusuke: [snorts] Probably for amusement purposes.
Zelgadis: [smirks] You should be familiar enough with comedy routines, Lina.
Lina: Like what?
Zelgadis: Remember the waterfalls?
Lina: Oh. Yeah... Dumb bad gags.
[the theatre shakes]
Lina: Yipe!
Yuusuke: Speaking of the devil.
Xellos: Er... Zelgadis-san?
Zelgadis: What?
Xellos: [uncomfortably] Your hand.
Zelgadis: [realizes that, to steady himself during the quake, his hand had landed in Xellos' lap] Yipe!
Yuusuke: [starts laughing]
Zelgadis: That was an accident!
Lina: Sure it was.
Yuusuke: [laughs harder]
Lina: Where'd he touch you?
Xellos: That, also, is rather rude to ask, Lina-san.
Lina: I'm just curious!
Xellos: [doesn't bother responding]
Yuusuke: [snickers]
Zelgadis: [too softly for the others to hear] Sorry.
Xellos: [smiles, just as soft] It's alright, Zelgadis-san.

>"Um... I've been able to hear all of you talking out here for the past five or ten minutes, and I was just wondering if maybe you'd like to come in," the redhead stated rather calmly, considering the strange situation.

Yuusuke: And considering that strange stuff happens to us all the time.
Kuwa: Wouldn't the smart thing to do be retreating?
Koenma: Yes, but I doubt they will.
Lina: Wouldn't be much of a story if they did.
Yuusuke: Dumb clones.
Xellos: They'll certainly fumble through their plans.
Lina: Figures.

>"Yes, we would, Kurama. In fact, we're here because I've called a meeting of the Rekai Tantei," Koenma said, walking past the startled kitsune, playing his part perfectly.

Koenma: I'm annoying.
Kuwa: [starts laughing]
Yuusuke: [tries not to join in] Good one, K-chan.
Koenma: [chuckles] I keep thinking of Dib meeting the clone of himself that Zim made...
Zelgadis: Who's Dib?
Yuusuke: He's a cartoon character who tries to stop an alien from taking over the planet, only nobody believes him.
Zelgadis: Odd.
Yuusuke: That's Invader Zim in a nutshell, yeah. But funny too!
Lina: Can we watch it?
Yuusuke: [grins] Sure!
Kuwa: [whispers to Koenma] He's doing it again...
Koenma: [giggles]
Yuusuke: What?
Koenma: [kisses his cheek] You know, how you show people movies or anime or whatever that they haven't seen.
Yuusuke: Oh. It's fun, though.
Lina: I'm going to miss it when we go back.
Xellos: It is rather... peaceful here, ne?
Lina: [nods] Yeah. I wish Gourry could see it.
Zelgadis: [smirks] He'd probably be confused by most of it.
Lina: [hits him] Hey! He's not that bad... Well, I admit, he's pretty dense sometimes, the jellyfish brains. But he was the first to figure out Xellos was a Mazoku!
Zelgadis: [winces and shakes his arm] Alright, alright.
Xellos: The way I would disappear and reappear at random, I thought you would've figured it out sooner.
Zelgadis: *Alright*, I said.
Xellos: [sweat drops] I'm just saying.

>The others followed the little god inside, Yusuke entering last and shutting the door behind them all. Kurama led them up to his bedroom, where Hiei was already sitting on the windowsill. He raised one eyebrow as the group walked in.

Yuusuke: [Hiei] A bit early for an orgy, isn't it, fox?
Kuwa: Ewwww...
Lina: That was... random.
Koenma: He misses Hiei and Kurama.
Yuusuke: [nods soberly] It's not the same without Kurama's grammar checking and Hiei's bloody-mindedness.
Kuwa: Yeah. I hope they're okay.
Yuusuke: Yeah. [puts his head on Koenma's shoulder]
Koenma: [hugs him] They'll be fine. They're strong.
Yuusuke: [smiles slightly] I know.

>"Ohhh, Hiei's here," Botan said, giggling and winking quite obviously at the others. "Isn't that convenient?"
>Kurama, who had been walking to his desk, paused midstride. "Why are you winking?"

Yuusuke: [Botan] Because I'm friendly?
Koenma: Wow, the clones sure do know how to botch things.

>"I'm not winking."
>"You were."
>"Was not."
>"I just saw you."
>"Prove it."

Yuusuke: At least they didn't start doing "am not" "are too" thing.
Zelgadis: I'm sure that comes later.
Yuusuke: [snickers]

>Kurama blinked at her several times, then shook his head and sat down at his desk, turning in his chair to face the others. "You said you had called a meeting, Koenma?"
>"That's correct," Koenma answered proudly.

Koenma: [resists urge to comment]
Kuwa: [yawns] I already feel like falling asleep.
Yuusuke: [snuggles closer to Koenma] Me too.
Lina: What would happen if we all fell asleep?
Yuusuke: Not sure. It's never happened before.
Koenma: I'd probably get yelled at.
Yuusuke: [winces] Best not fall asleep then.
Koenma: [smiles]
Yuusuke: [kisses him]
Lina: [giggles]
Zelgadis: [looks at Xellos, groans] Not again.
Lina: What?
Zelgadis: *He's* asleep. Or faking.
Yuusuke: That brings up an interesting question. Do Mazoku need to sleep?
Zelgadis: [blinks] I have no idea.
Lina: Wait. You two share a room... You haven't noticed?
Zelgadis: [shrugs]
Xellos: [rolls over]
Zelgadis: [blushes and pushes him back]
Lina: Awww.
Yuusuke: [whispers] Stop being a jerk and let him lie on you a little.
Zelgadis: [blushes] No.
Yuusuke: [snickers] Spoil sport.
Zelgadis: [sighs]
Xellos: [mumbles cutely in his sleep]

>"Well, then," Kurama began in a business like manner. "You do know that Hiei and I were actually released from your service after helping Yusuke and Kuwabara to defeat the Saint Beasts, and that anything we did after that point concerning you, or Yusuke and Kuwabara, was done of our own free will, or as a result of outside pressure?"

Yuusuke: That's... true, actually.
Kuwa: But I bet Koenma could blackmail them into doing it.

>Koenma nodded and Yusuke grinned. "That's why we're having the meeting at your house!"
>In other words, so that Kurama and, by default, Hiei, would be forced to attend.

Yuusuke: Hey, you were right, Kuwabara!
Koenma: [sighs]
Yuusuke: Er. Sorry, K-chan...
Koenma: [smiles] I *did* convince Dad to leave them alone for a while.
Yuusuke: [fiddles with his pacifier] I know.
Koenma: [kisses him]

>"...I see."
>Hiei's scowl deepened.

Kuwa: [Hiei] Stupid god.
Yuusuke: Hey! [hits him]
Kuwa: [hits him back] In the fic! In the fic!
Koenma: [sitting in between them, sighs]
Lina: [giggles]

>An awkward silence settled in around them.

Yuusuke: Crickets chirped.
Xellos: A tumbleweed blew past.
Kuwa: Cows bellowed.
Zelgadis: The Msters fell asleep.
Yuusuke: Sounds like a plan.
Lina: Wait... Xellos, weren't you asleep a moment ago?
Xellos: Oh. Forgot. [sweat drops]
Zelgadis: He was pretending again.
Yuusuke: He likes laying on you, I guess.
Lina: [snickers] Yeah. Laying.
Yuusuke: [falls over laughing]
Zelgadis: [sighs in annoyance]
Xellos: [coughs uncomfortably]
Yuusuke: [laughs harder]
Lina: Gotcha, Xellos.
Kuwa: Some things just can't stay a secret.
Xellos: [softly] So it seems.
Zelgadis: [flushes]

>"Ah, Koenma," Kurama began again, breaking the silence. "Are you going to tell us what this "meeting" is about?"

Yuusuke: [himself] About the porno we're making. You wanna be the actors? [others look at him] What?
Lina: Hentai.
Kuwa: More like voyeur.
Yuusuke: [sighs]
Xellos: [softly to Zelgadis] At least the teasing seems to go around to everyone eventually.
Zelgadis: [nods]

>"Oh...," Koenma stammered. "Right..."

Lina: [Koenma] Damn! Our flawless plan is... flawed!
Kuwa: [laughs] That's not unusual.
Koenma: [thinks on that] Should I be insulted?
Kuwa: [blinks] Er. Clone-yous...
Yuusuke: [glares darkly] Good.
Kuwa: [giggles uncertainly]

>He looked nervously to Yusuke.

Koenma: [himself] Where are the cue cards?
Yuusuke: [himself] Beats me.
Lina: [snickers] Improv.
Yuusuke: I haven't seen Whose Line in forever...
Kuwa: Well, it's not like we're on the satellite anymore. You can watch it easily.
Yuusuke: [shivers] Don't remind me of that. But yeah, point taken.
Koenma: Yeah. [looks at Xel pointedly] I just hope we don't have to deal with that again.
Xellos: [blinks innocently]

>They hadn't actually considered the fact that a topic for the meeting would be necessary. They just knew there had to be a meeting, because... well, there had to be. That's how it worked, wasn't it? Why the hell was Kurama being so difficult?!

Koenma: Because he was angsting over how Hiei would never love him...
Yuusuke: Actually, that was Hiei.
Koenma: Was it?
Yuusuke: Yup.
Koenma: I was referring to atypical Kurama/Hiei fics though. But I've seen it go both ways.
Yuusuke: Oh. Okay.
Kuwa: [dryly] What would a bishounen be without angst, anyway?
Yuusuke: Well, there's Xellos.
Lina: I think he angsts, but he hides it.
Xellos: [doesn't respond]
Zelgadis: [glances at him, remembering the story about Milgasia]

>Yusuke saw the hesitation on Koenma's face, and decided that the time for Part A of Kurama and Hiei's Mission of Love was upon him.

Yuusuke: How is it *their* mission of love, when they didn't even plan it?
Koenma: [dryly] Apparently the mission I'm supposed to outline is for them.
Yuusuke: Oh. Okay.
Kuwa: That'd be a fun mission plan to outline.
Yuusuke: [blinks] ‘Kurama and Hiei's Mission of Love?’
Kuwa: Amusing, anyway.
Lina: Didn't you already do that though?
Yuusuke: Well... We didn't *name* it...
Koenma: [snickers] At least out loud, he didn't.
Yuusuke: I think of it more as a nameless phenomenon that spread to you and I, then to... [motions toward Xel and Zel]
Zelgadis: [annoyed] Thanks.
Yuusuke: [tries not to smile] Sorry.
Zelgadis: No, you're not.
Yuusuke: [grins cheekily]
Zelgadis: [rolls his eyes]
Xellos: [watches him]

>He also decided that Botan didn't get to name any more of their missions.

Yuusuke: Why would Botan get to name a mission?
Lina: Maybe it was all originally her idea.
Koenma: [coughs] That's somewhat frightening.
Yuusuke: [tries not to laugh]

>Part A, of course, was the Jealousy Ploy. Make Hiei jealous by causing him to believe that someone else was interested in his fox. Oldest trick in the book.

Yuusuke: Oh, this is gonna crash and burn.
Kuwa: Ten bucks says Yuusuke kisses Kurama.
Yuusuke: [blanches]
Kuwa: [snickers]
Yuusuke: [glares]
Koenma: Now now, boys...
Lina: They going to oil up and wrestle?
Yuusuke and Kuwa: [make strangled sounds]
Xellos: [amused] My, Lina-san. Your mind sure is in the gutter lately!
Lina: Eh. Someone had to say it. They've been earning it lately, haven't they?
Zelgadis: Yes.
Yuusuke: [grins ruefully] Guess I kind of deserved that one.
Zelgadis: More than a little.
Yuusuke: [shrugs] Worth it.
Zelgadis: [glowers]

>So, with a deep breath, Yusuke grabbed Kurama by the shoulders, and took one for the team.

Xellos: And the crowd goes wild!
Yuusuke: Aww, hell.
Koenma: [rubs his shoulders]
Yuusuke: [kisses him]

>In other words, he kissed the startled fox right on the lips, with every intention of having to dodge a katana within seconds.

Yuusuke: What he had to dodge instead was black flame.
Kuwa: Only you can't dodge that.
Yuusuke: Exactly.
Lina: Feel the burn.
Yuusuke: Don't want to.

>...But the katana never came. Hiei, in fact, was getting no small amount of enjoyment out of watching the two boys.

Yuusuke: [squawks, staring]
Lina: Bet he wouldn't say no to a threesome.
Yuusuke: I finally get to rub it in, and he's not even *here*! Gah!
Kuwa: I don't think they'd appreciate that right now, though.
Yuusuke: Still.
Koenma: [pats] Been teased about being a voyeur too long?
Yuusuke: Yes. [lowers his voice] Not that there's anything wrong with voyeurism... I'd just rather watch someone else. [winks at Koenma]
Koenma: [laughs]
Kuwa: Horny.
Yuusuke: I can't resist him.
Koenma: [kisses him]
Yuusuke: [deepens kiss]
Lina: Exhibitionist, too, apparently.
Kuwa: Hiei and Kurama are worse.
Xellos: [Zim] Or better?
Yuusuke: [giggles]

>It must have slipped Yusuke's mind that monogamous relationships were practically non-existent in the Makai, and Hiei would therefore have no problem with someone kissing Kurama.

Yuusuke: Ha.
Koenma: It's starting to sound like their mission isn't to get them together but to prove they're together...
Lina: I thought it was the other way around...
Zelgadis: It was.
Lina: Then why--?
Yuusuke: Look, ma, plot hole!
Kuwa: [snorts]

>Yes. It slipped his mind.

Yuusuke: And, apparently, so did the purpose of the mission.
Kuwa: Then why are you still kissing him?
Yuusuke: Er... We haven't stopped yet?
Kuwa: Nope!
Yuusuke: ... Stupid clones.
Kuwa: Looks like more than one thing slipped your mind.
Lina: Realistically, would Kurama stand there and let Yuusuke kiss him?
Koenma: No. He would've pushed him away by now. Though, politely.
Yuusuke: Yeah. Polite about everything. [as Kurama] The flaming liplock was a nice gesture, Yuusuke, though unwanted.
Koenma: [giggles]

>So, since the expected painful death by katana did not occur, Yusuke was forced to continue with the kiss. For the plan, of course. If he was going to kiss Kurama, it had to look real.
>Of course.

Yuusuke: So, they just gonna have sex right there in front of everybody?
Zelgadis: You *did* mention an orgy earlier.
Yuusuke: [groans] Not cool.
Xellos: Reikai Tantei orgy. The lighter version of Death Eater orgies.
Yuusuke: [gags] *Definitely* not cool!
Kuwa: You're a Harry Potter fan?
Xellos: So so.
Yuusuke: Bet you're a Fred/George fanboy.
Xellos: [amused] Why do you say that?
Yuusuke: [shrugs] You just seem like the type. Twincest and all that.
Xellos: Hmm.
Yuusuke: Looks like I'm right.
Xellos: I didn't say that.
Yuusuke: You're not denying it.
Xellos: That's not my style, Yuusuke-san.
Yuusuke: [grins]

>And Kurama, being the youko that he was, did the only suitable thing for a youko to do when being kissed. He kissed back, adding in a bit of groping, just because... well, he's Kurama.

Yuusuke: Slutty Kurama clone. Available at a fan fiction archive near you.
Kuwa: Yuusuke must be enjoying that.
Yuusuke: *I'd* rather have someone else groping me, thanks.
Kuwa: [grumbles] I meant the clone.
Yuusuke: I know! Just saying.
Lina: And dropping not-so-subtle hints?
Yuusuke: [blushes]
Lina: [grins] We know what you're doing tonight.
Xellos: Bomp chicka wow wow.
Zelgadis: [stares] What the heck was that?
Xellos: Um. [blushes slightly] Old joke.
Zelgadis: Right. You sure you're sane?
Xellos: [nods his head enthusiastically as if to say 'yes'] No!
Zelgadis: [sighs]
Yuusuke: Oh, you know you love it.
Zelgadis: [rolls his eyes]
Lina: Actually, the crazy priest has been downright... sane lately. It's almost charming.
Xellos: [opens his eyes] You really think so, Lina-san?
Lina: Irk... Hey! Don't flirt with me! Save it for Zel!
Zelgadis: By all means, flirt with her.
Xellos: [frowns lightly] You really want that... Zelgadis-san?
Zelgadis: [doesn't answer]
Xellos: [watches him again]

>This continued for a while, the other occupants of the room staring with either fascination or horror, until finally Keiko ripped Yusuke away from Kurama and proceeded to beat the poor spirit detective over the head with her shoe.

Yuusuke: Obey the shoe! OBEY!
Kuwa: Coming from the guy who used to play footsie with his boyfriend.
Yuusuke: [blushes]
Koenma: [same] Used to?
Yuusuke: [blushes more, giggles]
Kuwa: Irk. That's a little more than I wanted to know...
Yuusuke: You brought it up. [brushes against Koenma's foot with his own]
Koenma: Yes. [runs a hand through Yuusuke's hair]
Yuusuke: [leans against him]
Lina: [giggles] That's so cute. [smirks at Zel] Can't wait till you and Xellos stop beating around the bush, ne?
Zelgadis: [glares]
Xellos: Lina-san. Perhaps you should leave him alone for a little while...
Lina: [shrugs] He's gotta face up to it sometime.
Xellos: [curiously] What if he really doesn't feel anything for me? Then your teasing is rather hurtful toward him.
Lina: Oh...
Yuusuke: So are you admitting that you *do* feel something for him?
Xellos: [softly] It wouldn't matter.
Yuusuke: Huh?
Xellos: [smiles] Nothing!
Zelgadis: [stares at him]
Xellos: [keeps his eyes on the scrolling text]

>"Ow! Stop hitting me! It was for the plan! THE PLAN!"
>Kurama sat back in his chair, licking his lips in a very satisfied manner. "Was that what the meeting was about?" he asked cheerfully.

Koenma: [himself] Oh, yes, just one big snogging fest. What do you think?
Yuusuke: [Kurama] It's the best mission ever.
Kuwa: [snickers] So is this a Yuusuke/Kurama fic?
Yuusuke: [shrugs] Beats me.
Lina: [softly to Zel] What happened?
Zelgadis: The snogging? [blushes slightly]
Lina: No, Xellos.
Zelgadis: [shrugs] Dunno. What do you mean?
Lina: You were staring... [grins] Usually it's the other way around.
Zelgadis: [rolls his eyes] You have an overactive imagination, Lina.
Lina: [sighs in exasperation]
Zelgadis: [ignores her]

>Koenma coughed several times, then settled on the answer least likely to get him in trouble. "Keiko... maybe you should put your shoe back on."

Koenma: And stop beating my boyfriend with it.
Yuusuke: Yeah. Please.
Koenma: [kisses his cheek]
Yuusuke: [captures his mouth]
Koenma: [moans softly]
Yuusuke: [grins, rubs his foot against Koenma's]
Koenma: [manages to get their shoes off without letting him go]
Kuwa: Eep.
Lina: Damn. [suppresses giggles]
Zelgadis: [blushes] Exhibitionists.
Xellos: It seems that they have a foot fetish.
Zelgadis: [blushes deeper] That's a fetish?!
Xellos: [raises an eyebrow] Yes, Zelgadis-san.
Zelgadis: I didn't know!
Lina: Learn something new every day, I guess. [giggles]
Xellos: Apparently.
Lina: Imagine how much you'll *help* him learn, Xellos...
Xellos: [opens one eye] Speaking of experience between you and Gourry-san, ne, Lina-san?
Lina: [smacks him across the room]
Zelgadis: [winces] Glad that wasn't me.
Kuwa: Yeah, you'd be fixing your hair for an hour.
Yuusuke: [pulls away from Koenma] Amazing how he defused her comment on purpose, to save Zel anymore embarrassment.
Xellos: I was hoping nobody would notice. [rubbing his head as he gingerly makes his way back to the couch]
Zelgadis: [looks thoughtful]
Lina: [glares] I hate it when he manipulates me...
Xellos: [still favoring his head] Sorry, Lina-san.
Lina: No you're not.
Yuusuke: [tosses over a bottle of aspirin] Comes in handy.
Xellos: [smiles cheerfully] Thank you, Yuusuke-san!
Lina: [grumbling] And he gets everyone's sympathies, making *me* look like the bad guy...
Zelgadis: Well, Lina, you were.
Lina: [glares] And it's all *your* fault.
Zelgadis: [rolls his eyes] How is it *my* fault?
Lina: He was *protecting* you! Or is your head *really* as thick as your skin?
Zelgadis: [sighs] And you're still the one who provoked it. What's your point?
Xellos: [grins] He's right, Lina-san!
Lina: [grumbles]
Yuusuke: [snickers]

>Kuwabara sighed, rubbing his eyes in agitation, as Kurama and Hiei looked on in bewilderment. Maybe it was time for Part B. A pained nod from Yusuke confirmed that suspicion, and Kuwabara said loudly, "Kurama, could you fix me a drink?"

Yuusuke: [Kurama] The tequila?
Kuwa: [himself] No, the Makai-proof beer.
Yuusuke: [Kurama] You sure? It might kill someone like you.
Kuwa: Hey! I only passed out on the satellite!
Yuusuke: *Only* passed out, he says...
Kuwa: [grumbles]

>The fox raised an eyebrow. "I suppose..." Blinking a little, he stood from his chair. "I'll be right back."

Yuusuke: Never *ever* say you'll be right back in a horror movie... Because you won't be back!
Kuwa: You've seen Scream too much. And it's not even that good!
Yuusuke: [blows raspberries]
Kuwa: [nose wrinkles] Save it for your boyfriend.
Yuusuke: Don't mind if I do! [kisses Koenma again]
Koenma: [kisses back]

>With that, he walked out, and Kuwabara walked to the door, pulling what he needed from his pocket. A sprig of mistletoe.

Yuusuke: [eyes widen] Oh no...
Koenma: Wow, the clones in this fic are really stupid.
Yuusuke: [blushes]
Koenma: [blinks] I didn't mean it that way! I don't think the fic takes place around Christmas...
Yuusuke: [smiles slightly] Don't think so either.
Koenma: You were adorably romantic. [kisses him]
Yuusuke: [grins bashfully] I was a dork.
Koenma: Romantic.
Yuusuke: Dork.
Koenma: [pulls him into his lap] Romantic.
Yuusuke: Yipe!!
Koenma: [grins, nips the back of Yuusuke's neck]
Yuusuke: [gasps] I’m tempted to say "dork" one more time to see what I get...
Koenma: [chuckles] I doubt that's advisable in front of company.
Yuusuke: [grins wickedly] Darn.
Koenma: [softly] But you can always try later...
Yuusuke: [same, brushes his nose against Koenma's] Love to.
Koenma: [grins] Good.

>Part B of Kurama and Hiei's Mission of Love: The Mistletoe Ploy.

Yuusuke: Sounds like a bad hentai.
Koenma: Bet if we looked online we could find one with that title.
Yuusuke: [laughs] One where the mistletoe grows tentacles.
Koenma: Vine tentacles, knowing Kurama.
Yuusuke: [snorts-giggles]
Lina: You two are somewhat disturbing...
Yuusuke: Do you think we're disturbing, K-chan? [shifts]
Koenma: [gasps, blushes] Disturbing isn't the word I'd use...
Yuusuke: [grins cheekily] Me either.
Koenma: [softly] You're so getting it later...
Yuusuke: [winks] I know.

>Kuwabara glanced back to make sure that Hiei was properly distracted.
>Koenma was seated on the windowsill next to Hiei, a photo album in his hands as he pointed to random pictures.

Yuusuke: Of Kurama naked?
Koenma: Why would I have pictures of Kurama nude?
Yuusuke: Good question. Why *would* you?
Koenma: [rolls his eyes]
Xellos: [amused] Baby pictures?
Yuusuke: [snorts]
Koenma: [pouts]
Yuusuke: [kisses him] Hey. You know I love you no matter what form you're in.
Koenma: [blushes]
Yuusuke: [hugs him]
Koenma: [kisses him deeply]
Kuwa: You guys don't have to make up for Hiei and Kurama, you know.
Yuusuke: [blinks innocently] We don't?
Kuwa: [sighs]

>"And this was our family vacation to Makai. Father banished a few demons to hell, see that picture there? I'm not sure he's allowed to, but he said..."

Yuusuke: That reminds me of the vacation you were on before that guy kidnapped you.
Koenma: Ugh. Don't remind me...
Yuusuke: He tries that again and I'll kick his ass. I don't care how small he is...
Koenma: [snickers]

>Hiei twitched and reached for his katana, obviously seriously considering ending his life, and Kuwabara took the opportunity to quickly fasten the mistletoe to Kurama's doorframe. His job done, he settled back down on Kurama's bed, waiting for the fox to return.

Xellos: That last sentence sounds rather edgy taken out of context.
Kuwa: Ewwww...
Zelgadis: You *would* say something like that. Trickster priest.
Xellos: [smiles quietly]
Lina: Cute chiding.
Zelgadis: I wasn't--He--It's not--Gah. [hangs his head]
Yuusuke: [snickers]
Xellos: [pats Zel's shoulder tentatively]
Zelgadis: [sighs] The worst part about it is if I say something about Gourry and her, I'll have to goof around with pliers all night...
Xellos: [winces] Indeed. My head is still throbbing.
Zelgadis: Well, at least my skin's useful for something.
Xellos: [smiles] Your skin has saved you quite a bit in the past, hasn't it?
Zelgadis: Yeah. The enemy can't exactly duel well with me.
Xellos: [nodnod] Oh, yes. I'm rather envious.
Zelgadis: [snorts] Why?
Xellos: Having a solid body can be advantageous. You look at it too harshly, Zelgadis-san.
Zelgadis: [shrugs]
Xellos: [touches his shoulder again, briefly] Perhaps one day you'll find peace with your body.
Zelgadis: As soon as I find the reversal spell.
Xellos: [almost looks sad] What a loss...
Zelgadis: [scowls] Not for me. I don't particularly like looking like a freak.
Xellos: Not a freak. Never a freak.
Zelgadis: [doesn't respond]
Xellos: What other people think of us, whether bad or good, largely is unimportant, Zelgadis.
Zelgadis: It's not about other people.
Xellos: [brushes his wire hair] No... But we do not help, do we? [sits back] Do what you wish. But you do not know what you're sacrificing.

>As Kurama walked back into the room, carrying an open can of soda, Koenma slammed the photo album shut and shoved Hiei directly at the poor fox.

Yuusuke: Looks like they're playing another game of Toss The Hiei.
Kuwa: Bye, Koenma-clone.
Lina: Nice knowing you. Not.
Koenma: I'm tempted to take offense.
Yuusuke: [kisses him] Don't.
Koenma: [smiles] I know.

>Kurama, startled as he was suddenly nearly plowed over by a seriously unhappy fire demon, dropped the drink, which spilled all over the front of his white shirt and the carpet.

Yuusuke: [himself] Oh, Hiei! Aren't you just *tempted* to lick it off?
Koenma: The carpet or his shirt?
Yuusuke: [snorts]
Kuwa: Man, now Kurama will kill him too.
Yuusuke: Yay, death!
Koenma: [amused] You really miss Hiei, don't you.
Yuusuke: [sniffs] Yeah...
Koenma: [smiles]

>An angry protest was on the fox's lips, but Yusuke didn't give him time. "Look!" the detective shouted, pointing. Mistletoe! You two have to kiss!"

Koenma: [Kurama] Missing quotation mark.
Yuusuke: Man, my clone sounds like a 5-year-old.
Koenma: Maybe Keiko hit you a little too hard with that shoe.
Yuusuke: That wouldn't be unusual.
Koenma: [winces]
Yuusuke: [smiles] It's okay.

>Both demons paused, tilting their heads back to look up at the small plant hanging above them. Then their gazes returned to Yusuke.

Yuusuke: [Hiei] Dork.
Koenma: [nips the back of his neck] I warned you about that...
Yuusuke: [gasps] Just testing the waters...
Koenma: [grins]

>"...It's not Christmas," Kurama stated matter-of-factly.
>"So?"
>"Why is there mistletoe up there?"
>"You're the plant manipulator. You tell us."

Yuusuke: [himself, cont.] I mean, those tentacles wrapping around Hiei are kind of obvious.
Kuwa: [snorts] That'll go over real well.
Yuusuke: [laughs]

>"Did you put mistletoe up there?"
>"...Kuwabara did it."
>"HEY!"

Yuusuke: Ho. Hey. Ho...
Kuwa: Oh, sure, blame me.
Yuusuke: I'm shameless.
Koenma: Yes, you are.
Yuusuke: [smirks]
Kuwa: Pervs.

>Desperately, recalling the basics of Part C of Kurama and Hiei's Mission of Love and switching them around a little to suit the changes that had occured, Botan yelled, "Kurama, you spilled soda all over your shirt! You should take all of your clothes off before they get ruined! And... Hiei should watch!"

Yuusuke: [Botan] And stick money down his pants!
Botan's voice: This is a misrepresentation of my character...
Yuusuke: You'd be hollering for more than money to go down there, right?
Koenma: [tries not to laugh]
Lina: [chuckles]
Koenma: Occurred is spelt wrong, btw.
Kuwa: [yawns]
Yuusuke: [snickers] It's better when Kurama does it. He gets so anal about it...
Koenma: Well, at least I'm not anal.
Yuusuke: [raises an eyebrow] Really?
Koenma: [nips his neck] Shush, you.
Yuusuke: [gasps] I don't know if I want to...
Koenma: I'll just have to find some way to keep your mouth occupied then, won't I? [pulls him into a kiss]
Yuusuke: [returns the kiss enthusiastically]

>The two demons were silent.
>"Oh, oh! And then you should take a shower! And get all wet and... sexy! And accidentally let Hiei see!" Keiko added.

Yuusuke: [Keiko] And take pictures to show the rest of us!
Kuwa: [snickers]

>"...Are you all very, very drunk?" Kurama asked.

All: Yes.
Kuwa: Or we should be.
Yuusuke: You never did get your Makai-proof alcohol.
Kuwa: Yeah... I wanted that beer.
Yuusuke: [snorts]

>"...No?"
>"Alright," Hiei said, beginning to grow angry. "I want to know EXACTLY what's going on, and I want to know NOW."

Yuusuke: [Hiei] What you need to decide is do you want to tell me *before* or *after* I’ve turned you into charred remains. So, do you feel lucky, punks?
Lina: [giggles] Your clones are so screwed. And not in the good way.
Xellos: Shame. It might have been a bit more interesting...
Kuwa: Urgh. No, it wouldn't be.
Yuusuke: I dunno. Orgy?
Koenma: [sings] How does it feel, to treat me like you do...
Yuusuke: Ask a question, get lyrics.
Koenma: [giggles]

>They were all silent for several moments, the two demons scanning the faces of the room's occupants for an answer.

Koenma: [Kurama] I'm getting blanks.
Yuusuke: [Hiei] Me too.
Zelgadis: [Hiei] Nope. Nothing's in there.
Lina: [giggles] No surprise there.
Yuusuke: [sighs] Well, they are clones.
Koenma: Makes me think of the new Episode III trailer.
Yuusuke: [giggles]
Zelgadis: Episode III? Of what?
Yuusuke: [smirks] Note to self: put Star Wars on the list.
Zelgadis: [sighs] Are we going to be here that long?
Lina: It's been long enough already!
Xellos: It will seem a lot longer than it really is, Lina-san.
Lina: [looks at him suspiciously] Do you know how long we'll be here or something?
Xellos: [smiles] Of course not, Lina-san. Why would I know a thing like that?
Lina: [rolls her eyes] Well, you always seem to know this stuff, and you're talking in future tense...
Xellos: [sweat drops] I only meant that since you two want to leave so badly, that it would seem longer...
Zelgadis: [wryly] Why don't I believe him?
Yuusuke: Maybe because he misleads you guys a lot?
Zelgadis: Exactly!
Xellos: [sweat drops more]
Lina: Well... he's right...
Xellos: Iya, true, true. I can't deny my deceiving nature.
Zelgadis: [sighs] He doesn't even deny it...
Xellos: [tilts head] Why would I?
Zelgadis: [rolls his eyes] And you manage to spy how?
Xellos: [amused] I'm not spying on *you*.
Zelgadis: I should probably be relieved about that, considering.
Xellos: [face goes blank] You're referring to Milgasia-san...
Zelgadis: [shrugs] Who else is there?
Lina: [looks Xel over carefully, then smacks Zel] Don't be mean, you prick!!
Zelgadis: [from the wall] Ow...
Koenma: Oh dear...
Yuusuke: He deserved it though.
Zelgadis: [stumbles back to the couch] Yeah, I probably did.
Xellos: [blinks in mild surprise]
Zelgadis: [doesn't notice] Now I have to use the pliers again...
Xellos: [softly] Zelgadis-san? Would you like some help?
Zelgadis: [shrugs] I'm used to it.
Xellos: I'm sure you are. But I'm still offering.
Zelgadis: [frowns, doesn't respond]
Xellos: [shrugs nonchalantly] Makes no difference to me.
Zelgadis: [shrugs] It might take less time, I guess.
Xellos: [smiles] That's the spirit.
Zelgadis: [stares at him]
Xellos: What is it, Zelgadis-san?
Zelgadis: [shakes his head] Nothing.

>And then the silence was broken as Yusuke jumped up and shouted, "ABORT! ABORT THE MISSION!"

Yuusuke: "Women and mawgs first!"
Kuwa: Well, that was predictable.
Zelgadis: Is this over yet?
Koenma: Almost, it looks like.
Zelgadis: Good.
Xellos: [smiles]

>Pandemonium reigned as the five operatives of Kurama and Hiei's Mission of Love made their stealthy exits. They all scrambled for the door at once, Koenma managing to make it out first as the two demons stepped to the side, Keiko following closely behind. Yusuke was knocked over by Kuwabara, who simply hopped over the detective, Botan close on his heels. Yusuke got quickly to his feet, and looked around wildly. After realizing that Kurama and Hiei were both once again in front of the door, he made a mad dash for the window, and dove heroically out of the room.

Lina: And Lina-tachi fell over the waterfall...
Zelgadis: Not again...
Yuusuke: [snickers]
Kuwa: I hope the window was open.
Yuusuke: Owie.
Koenma: [winces] Considering that you probably dove head-first.
Yuusuke: [winces] Yeah, I probably did.
Kuwa: Well, no damage done then.
Yuusuke: Oi!
Koenma: [hits Kuwa]
Kuwa: Yipe!
Yuusuke: [kisses Koenma's cheek] My hero.
Koenma: [kisses him deeply]
Xellos: [sings] And he's got to be strong, and he's got to be fast, and he's got to be larger than life...
Yuusuke: [starts laughing against Koenma]
Zelgadis: [stares at Xellos]
Xellos: [blinks at him] What is it, Zelgadis-san?
Zelgadis: [looks away] Nothing.
Lina: He's probably just noticed how good your singing voice is.
Xellos: [blinks] Oh.

>Both Kurama and Hiei stared at the window in confusion for several minutes, until finally Hiei turned to look up at the redhead.
>"So...wanna have sex?"
>"Alright."

Yuusuke: Wa-wa-wa....
Kuwa: And the point of that was...?
Yuusuke: That meddling isn't always necessary?
Xellos: Point? What Point?
Lina: Well, that hasn't proven true, from what you've said, Yuusuke.
Yuusuke: Oh, you only need to push them so much. After a certain point they take things up naturally themselves. Which is when they get *really* cute.
Lina: So, do you think Zelgadis and Xellos will ever get like that?
Yuusuke: Well, they have the potential.
Zelgadis: We do not!!
Xellos: [face goes blank again]
Lina: [growls] Don't make me hit you again, Zel.
Zelgadis: [grumbles] Quit meddling or I'll meddle with you and Gourry.
Lina: I wouldn't *need* to meddle if I didn't think you'd screw it up! You're so blind, you can't tell that he REALLY likes you, and it's driving ME nuts!
Zelgadis: [doesn't respond]

>~*~
>END

Yuusuke: Wooo! Okay, so, opinions all around?
Koenma: Cute but unnecessary.
Kuwa: Out of character.
Lina: Boring. Needed more blood.
Zelgadis: Trite.
Xellos: [smiles cheerfully] I didn't think it was so bad!
Others: [stare at him]
Zelgadis: You are insane.
Xellos: That would be the point, Zelgadis-san.
Zelgadis: [sighs]
Lina: [stands and stretches] Well, if he weren't a crazy priest, he wouldn't be him, now would he?
Yuusuke: [laughs] Definitely not.
Zelgadis: Can we go now?
Koenma: Yeah. It's over.
Lina: Yeah, you two can have some alone time.
Zel and Xel: [blush]
Zelgadis: Shut up, Lina.
Lina: I'm right?! [laughs]
Zelgadis: No, you're annoying.
Xellos: [giggles]
Lina: Hey!!

- Ningenkai -

Kurama was halfway down the street when he recognized the car in his driveway as Shiori's. He froze for a moment, considering turning around, before realizing that Hiei was home. Alone. He sped up as he realized that no one was in the car, meaning that she was inside. With Hiei.

He managed to keep from running to his door, but barely. He was worried, and he wasn't sure if he was more worried about what Shiori might say to Hiei or what Hiei might say to Shiori.

When he got inside, however, he was surprised to smell cooking and hear conversation from the kitchen. After removing his shoes, Kurama padded to the kitchen to find his mother cooking at the stove and Hiei sitting at the table, looking somewhat relaxed.

Hiei glanced at him and nodded slightly, indicating that things were okay, and Kurama set his bag down. "Hello, okaasan. I'm sorry I wasn't home when you came over."

His mother smiled at him. "It's okay, Shuiichi-kun. I had a nice conversation with Hiei-kun." She turned back to the stove. "I hope you don't mind, but I decided to fix some sukiyaki for you two."

Kurama nodded numbly, glancing at Hiei questioningly and just receiving a shrug in response.

"Have a seat, Shuiichi. The sukiyaki is nearly finished."

Kurama sat next to Hiei, grasping his hand lightly and kissing his forehead. "What happened?" he asked nearly inaudibly.

"I'll explain later," Hiei responded just as softly, squeezing his hand.

Shiori brought two bowls of rice over and set them in front of Hiei and Kurama, then brought a bowl for herself and a third cup for Kurama. Within minutes all three of them were seated at the table with steaming bowls of sukiyaki in front of them.

The meal was eaten quietly, though Kurama was nervous throughout and barely finished one bowl of the stew. Hiei, however, ate several bowls, which lessened Kurama's worry a bit.

When they had finally finished, Shiori spoke. "I apologize for worrying you, Shuiichi. I was quite surprised."

Kurama nodded. "It's alright, 'kaasan. I understand that I told you quite suddenly. Your reaction was understandable."

Shiori smiled. "I am glad you found happiness, Shuiichi. I may never get grandchildren, but your happiness is what is most important to me."

Kurama glanced at Hiei, whose eyes widened slightly. The fire demon nodded, hiding a tiny smirk at the irony. "Actually, 'kaasan... There is more for me to tell you."

His mother frowned slightly. "More...?"

Kurama sighed, wondering how to explain it. He couldn't use the whole truth. "'Kaasan, since birth I've remembered a past life. One in which I was a kitsune youko thief. Because of that, I am employed by the Reikai to protect the Ningenkai from demon invasions."

Shiori stared at him for a moment, confused. "Shuiichi, how is that possible? The Reikai, demons... those are merely legends."

The redhead shook his head and reached up to pluck a seed from his hair. He placed it in his palm and used his ki to slowly force it to grow. He stopped at his mother's gasp. "It's true, 'kaasan. My job is how I met Hiei, Kuwabara, and Yuusuke."

"They remember past lives, too?"

"No." Kurama glanced at Hiei, who nodded almost imperceptibly. "Yuusuke and Kuwabara have a large amount of spiritual energy. Yuusuke died before his time and was brought back to life. Hiei is... a demon." He winced as Shiori's eyes widened. "He is serving a sentence for a crime... which is also why I am in employment of the Reikai."

Shiori stared at both of them. "A crime? What crime?"

"We stole artifacts from the Reikai," Hiei answered. Kurama let him explain it. "Kurama... Shuiichi stole his to save your life. I stole mine to take over the human world."

Kurama shook his head. "It was to find your sister, and you know it."

Hiei didn't look at him. "That doesn't change the magnitude of the crime."

"Nor does it change the magnitude of mine," Kurama replied easily.

Shiori shook her head. "But you are both serving the Reikai as punishment?"

Kurama nodded. "Yes. Often when I am gone, it is because I am on Reikai-related missions."

Shiori was silent for a while. "And Hiei... is a demon?" Hiei nodded. "Why are you telling me this?"

Kurama sighed. "You mentioned that you would never get grandchildren. 'Kaasan, Hiei is able to conceive children. We were considering having children at some point."

Shiori stared at Hiei. "But you're male."

Hiei winced. "I was born to an entirely female race. My birth was taboo. It had never happened before, and my genes are a bit strange. I... told you I didn't know my parents. I was left to die of exposure as an infant."

"This is why you don't know your age?" Hiei nodded. Shiori didn't speak for several minutes, staring at the table. "This is a lot to comprehend," she finally said.

"I apologize for not telling you before," Kurama said softly. "I didn't know how."

"I understand." Shiori stood. "I need some time to understand this. But Shuuichi... You are always my son. Nothing will change that."

Kurama smiled, relieved. "Thank you, 'kaasan."

*

The Chimera’s light blue hair was far more interesting up close than from afar, Xellos had decided right away.

It was still as thin as normal hair should be, but hardly as pliable. It was smooth, but not soft, instead it was sharp, and the ends poked like dull needles. The hairs weren’t stiff, though, so he had no trouble moving them into their correct places. Xellos hummed a cheerful little tune as he worked, standing behind Zelgadis with both hands on the younger man’s head. Zelgadis’ blush had gone down some by now, and he had yet to start a conversation. Xellos didn’t mind. With the silence only filled with his humming, it was almost as if…

As if they were doing something that was not recommended.

A new look must have crossed his face, because Zelgadis suddenly caught his eyes in the mirror in front of him. “What is it?”

Xellos quickly smiled again. “Split end.”

Zelgadis frowned now. “Where?”

He had to guide the Chimera’s hand to the wire strand, and when he did, Zelgadis roughly pulled it out. Xellos blinked, feeling concerned despite himself, watching the strand descend to the ground.

“Does your hair grow back?” he asked.

“Yeah. For some reason.” Zelgadis sighed and closed his eyes again.

“Would you like me to keep going? I’m almost done.”

Zelgadis just shrugged. “Do what you want.”

Smiling yet again, Xellos returned to his work. He continued humming, running a hand over the newly fixed hair to make sure there were no tangles. Zelgadis’ body wasn’t human, that was for sure. But neither was his own. The worlds, and especially humans, were so caught up in definitions and the norm that they never took the time to appreciate the unusual, or to see that some things could not be defined. Simply calling Zelgadis a “Chimera” didn’t seem quite right, it never had. And anyone mistaking Zelgadis for a common monster were fools to not see he was so much more than that. He had always known, since the first time he’d seen the “heartless sorcerer swordsman.”

Zelgadis’ voice startled him out of his thoughts again. “What is that you’re humming? I’ve never heard it before.”

Xellos laughed softly, surprised by the question. “I don’t know if it has a title, but I heard it a while ago.” He sang a part aloud. “‘In Harmony, harmony. You’re you, I’m me, together we can live in harmony…’”

Zelgadis snorted, gazing at the Mazoku wryly. He could see that Xellos had finished, and his hair looked perfect. A small part of him had been thinking that the crazy priest would give him a Mohawk or something similarly unpleasant. “That sounds like something Amelia would sing.”

“Iya! Yes, she would like it.”

Zelgadis smirked. “You should teach it to her when we get back.”

Xellos laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head. “That might give her the wrong impression, Zelgadis-san.”

“That you’d switched sides? Yeah, it might. She never really stopped trying to ‘change’ you.”

The purple-haired priest looked embarrassed. “It’s not like it’s something I can change. It’s just what I am.”

Zelgadis ‘hmm’ed thoughtfully and stood. “Er. Thanks, I guess,” he said awkwardly, and blushed when Xellos looked so pleased.

“Anytime, Zelgadis-san.”

When Zelgadis left their shared bedroom right after this exchange, he missed Xellos sitting the pliers down and reaching to pick up the discarded strand of wire. He held the shiny wire up to the light, watching as it reflected and flashed brilliantly. Like it had earlier that day, he remembered, when the shaman sat underneath the tree…

He wrapped the strand carefully around the ring finger of his left hand. Task complete, he looked down at the nearly-silver colored ringlet and shook his head at his own behavior.

“This is foolish,” he reminded himself, as if talking aloud would affirm it. “This is not allowed. He is mortal. You are putting his life in danger. He will die long before you, ne?”

Xellos sighed and prepared himself to throw the ring away, but his fingers stopped when it touched the curled hair.

Foolishness.

*I’m tired of my life not being my own.*

TBC.

Notes: The song Xellos sings? Can you guess what it’s from? No? XD I need to stop watching old Disney cartoons in the middle of the night. (I’ve seen all of them hundreds of times, it’s not like I’ll miss anything if I go to bed…) It’s from The Little Mermaid tv show, and it’s probably too close to “Life is wonderful!” but… Yeah. It’s just very cheerful, and my version of Xellos… is a bit weird, to say the least. It takes what canon gives and ‘saunters vaguely downward’. XD

Rose: Sorry this took so long to get out! I was responsible for the Hiei and Kurama bits and school kept me from working on them for a while!