Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Faux Pas ❯ Chapter 7

Faux Pas - Chapter Seven

 

 

When he saw Shinobu burst into the room, his heart clenched painfully. The man looked, overall, defeated.

 

Itsuki was ashamed. Seeing Shinobu so unexpectedly, in such a state of disarray, combined with the words Koenma had just spoken… it threatened to be too much.

 

It was true that he only wished for Shinobu's happiness, and that everything he had done had been in terms of securing that. It was regretful, what had happened to the ferrygirl, but he could not undo it. In all honesty, if Koenma had been more cooperative, then it needn't have happened in the first place. The prince was too blinded by his own pride to see that. In a way that was ever so human: when confronted with a situation that was beyond his control, Koenma lashed out in anger.

 

It wasn't so much the physical retribution that bothered him, but the verbal.

 

If Itsuki were honest with himself, wasn't it partially true? That he did want Shinobu with him? That he wished to protect and watch over the former detective for all eternity, to ensure his rest? That he was not completely selfless, and craved Shinobu's companionship even in death?

 

All he had ever wanted was to stay by his side and to see him happy.

 

He had been unable to make him happy in life. Death was his last chance. To fulfill both of their dreams.

 

But it was because of him that Shinobu was in the Spirit World in the first place. He sighed softly. At least now he could return the man to the void. Things could finally be set to rest. Soon, it would be over.

 

Itsuki's attention was immediately drawn to Shinobu's hand. It was flecked with blood. His golden eye narrowed and he turned to look at Koenma, who was temporarily distracted by the former detective's arrival. So Shinobu had been somewhere in the building the whole while, had he? The demon's anger rose. Koenma had no right to interfere! Had the demi-god dared to harm Shinobu?

 

If he had, then the Uraotoko would be swallowing the haughty prince after all. It did not matter that Koenma had (though maybe not actively) followed through with his end of the bargain. Now it was about sheer retaliation.

 

“I thought I told you to wait,” Koenma was saying, exasperatedly.

 

Shinobu glanced at him, but then turned his attention back to Itsuki. The demon did not miss the way Koenma's eyes lit up with anger. Jealousy did nothing for the junior lord of hell, he decided.

 

“I need to talk to him alone,” Shinobu said, finally turning away to face Koenma.

 

Koenma bristled slightly and glanced at Itsuki. The golden brown eyes narrowed. If looks could kill…

 

“I don't think that's the wisest idea.”

 

“Please.” Itsuki snapped his head up, ignoring the drain the simple action left on him. Why… why would Shinobu seek Koenma's permission? He hated the demi-god and everything he stood for… didn't he? “I'll talk to him. Just give us a few minutes alone. ” He could feel his insides go cold. It was as though he was not even present in the room. A few minutes. What was it Shinobu wanted to talk with him about that would take only a few minutes? Surely, he wished to return to the safety of the void rather than be judged by Koenma. Even if Shinobu's spirit could go on to a place other than Hell, it would surely be impossible for him to get the peace he so desired.

 

Koenma frowned, looking at Itsuki. “Very well, Shinobu. Please keep in mind what we discussed. And be careful.” Sudden anger encompassed the demon. How dare he? Talking as though he would ever put Shinobu in danger. It was ludicrous.

 

As Koenma left, Shinobu approached him. With the distance between them lessened, Itsuki noticed something he had previously missed. There was something different about Shinobu. The way he held himself, the look in his eyes. It was not the physical and emotional drain he must surely have been undergoing, nor the tiredness Itsuki had noticed earlier. Just… something.

 

Something he had noticed at Shinobu's death, as well…

 

It clicked with sudden clarity. Bloodlust, strategic analysis, gentleness, calculating observations; the main characteristics for the other personalities were absent from Shinobu's eyes. All that remained was the essence of the man himself. The child, the innocent, the pure. His eye took this all in and he turned his face upwards to look at his companion.

 

Shinobu was quiet, simply watching him. He felt a bit self-conscious under the scrutiny but shrugged it aside. What did it matter, anyway? There was no reason for him to get bashful now; they were both dead.

 

“They are gone,” Itsuki said, breaking the silence. He had no doubts that Shinobu would understand what he meant by `they'.

 

“They are,” Shinobu agreed. He rubbed his palm and Itsuki caught sight of the gouges. Slowly, he reached out and took the hand. Shinobu did not protest, merely continued to watch him.

 

“Did you do this or did he?” Itsuki did not look at the taller man's eyes but instead fixated on the reddened skin. He rubbed the area gently with his thumb.

 

“Me,” Shinobu said mildly. He knelt swiftly on the floor, motioning for Itsuki to do the same. Thankful for the opportunity to sit, the demon sank to the floor still holding the other man's hand.

 

Shinobu lifted his uninjured hand and gently raised it to Itsuki's face. The demon was surprised, though he managed not to show it. It was not like the other man to be so affectionate. Tanned fingers drifted down the right side of his face, down his neck, and rested on his chest. Tracing his scar, he realized. He let go of Shinobu's hand and folded his own before him.

 

“How did you get this?” Shinobu asked. His finger tapped the frayed white fabric of the robe surrounding the end of the scar, in questioning.

 

Of course. Shinobu had not actually seen him while he lay dying. He had not been aware of the demon's injuries. He had been too caught up with his reasoning, with addressing his captive audience, with speaking to the demon descendant, to notice his partner already mourning behind him. Shinobu had been much too busy speaking to the boy who had fulfilled his wish, making him infinitely happier than Itsuki had ever been able to in life.

 

Here, he felt a pang of something akin to resentment, before brushing it quickly aside. All that mattered as that Shinobu had gotten what he desired.

 

“The dimensional sword. The boy we kidnapped used it when you killed Urameshi.”

 

“Ah.” Shinobu drew back his hand. Almost immediately, Itsuki missed the warmth from the simple contact.

 

Itsuki raised his head and looked into Shinobu's eyes. Again, the defeat. The words blurted from his mouth in his anguish. “I am sorry, Shinobu. I did not consider the possibility of you being expelled from the void at the time of my death. Please, forgive me.”

 

The man was silent and Itsuki felt his insides clench once again. Nothing upset him more than the thought of Shinobu being unhappy, especially with him. How was it that one person's emotions could have such an affect on his own?

 

“I can return you to the void now that you are here, however,” Itsuki continued. A wistful look entered those clear blue eyes. It lasted only a moment before Shinobu shook his head. Itsuki was dumbfounded. Why was Shinobu giving up what he had fought for so long to achieve?

 

“Why-” he began but Shinobu cut him off.

 

“I'm so tired, Itsuki. I just want to rest. No more running away. This life I've led, my very existence, has worn me down.” The taller man studied him once more. “It looks as though it has worn you down as well, my friend.” Relief mingled with the shame he felt. Shinobu still called him friend! He did not deserve the title.

 

“The past haunts me. If I run, I don't want you to have to carry the burden.” Shinobu should not have been worrying about his needs; he had failed him! “Koenma is pardoning me. He said he found a scapegoat.” Was he a scapegoat now? He supposed that was the right term. He could just imagine the smug look on Koenma's face when he had spoken those words. “I can go to limbo and rest there. You won't have to worry any more.”

 

He wanted to tear at his hair in frustration. Shinobu was not a burden to him! If anything, it was the other way around. He wanted to be near the other man, to protect and watch over him. Could he not see that?

 

“I just want to rest,” Shinobu repeated. He looked pleadingly at Itsuki and the demon's resolve began to crumble. Shinobu must not have wanted to entrust his soul with him anymore. He did not blame him. He had proved to be useless. Still, it hurt all the same.

 

“If that is what you want,” Itsuki murmured. His fists clenched uselessly as he tried to fight off his hurt and frustration.

 

“I want to forget everything,” Shinobu said. He sighed and looked down at his hands. “I want to forget how evil humans are, I want to forget what they're capable of, I want to forget how I wasted over half my life protecting them. I've had enough. I don't care anymore.” More to himself, Shinobu said quietly, “I'm just so tired.”

 

Itsuki let out a sigh of his own. “I would prefer if I were watching over you myself. I understand how you cannot trust me though. Whatever will make you happy, Shinobu. I will not stand in your way; I will stand by you.” As he said the words, he realized they were true. He was not entirely selfless. He wanted to remain by Shinobu's side. But Koenma had been wrong. It was not for his own happiness and satisfaction that he worked towards. It was entirely Shinobu's. Even if he did not agree with him, he would anything the other wished.

 

Even if, in the process, Itsuki was the one who would be hurt. Over and over and over again…

 

“I trust you.” A ghost of a smile flitted over Shinobu's lips. “I will always trust you. You have been my most loyal friend and for that I am grateful. I can't ask anymore of you though. Already you have done so much.”

 

Not nearly enough, the demon thought. “You know I would do anything for you.” Itsuki started slightly as Shinobu's hand traced over the bruise on his jaw. The stinging had faded and had been the furthest thing from his mind. The touch, though gentle, rekindled the pain with a vengeance.

 

“I see that.” Shinobu stroked the blemished skin once more before retracting his hand. “Koenma?”

 

Itsuki nodded and his companion let out a barely audible snort.

 

“Leaving me to go to limbo would be the wisest choice then. If you withdraw yourself from this mess now, Koenma will not be able to hold anything against you. I don't want to cause anymore strikes against you on your record.”

 

Itsuki debated for a few moments to tell Shinobu the truth. In the end, he decided it was only fair. He just hoped the other man would be able to understand.

 

“I would not worry about that. I believe I am the scapegoat you referred to.” He watched Shinobu's face darken and transform into an unreadable expression. Anger? Confusion? Relief? He did not know.

 

For a few moments all was silent. Itsuki held his breath.

 

“What did you do?” Shinobu asked eventually.

 

“I asked for your charges to be relayed to mine. There is nothing to be held against you now.”

 

“That's not all.” It wasn't a question.

 

Reluctantly, Itsuki nodded. “I used the Uraotoko to persuade Koenma to allow you the opportunity of returning to void. I felt it was in your best interest if you had the option to choose.”

 

“What will happen to you?” The vehemence in which it was hissed made Itsuki want to flinch. Shinobu was so angry… At him, or out of concern for him?

 

“I will go to Hell in exchange for your peace.” He met the angry blue gaze head on and spoke clearly, enunciating each word. “Anything for you, Shinobu.”

 

“You can't.” The former detective shook his head as though denying it to himself. “I won't let you. We'll just have to arrange something else with Koenma.”

 

“I do not think it is up for negotiation,” Itsuki said gently. It would be worth it, he told himself. For Shinobu's freedom and happiness, there was no price too large. He was truly touched by the other's concern. Not for the first time, he found himself wishing that things had turned out much differently. “I have made my decision, Shinobu. Please accept it.”

 

“How can I, knowing I'm to blame? You have not done anything wrong, only tried to protect me.”

 

Itsuki smiled at Shinobu, his Shinobu, and touched his cheek gently. The situation was making him bolder in his affections. What did he have left to lose? Shinobu reached up and grasped the pale hand with his own.

 

“You are not to blame. I am doing this of my own free will. I want you to be happy. You deserve your peace; you have been through so much. Please, do this for me. If limbo is where you need to be to attain your peace, then go. I will go to Hell no matter where you decide to be at rest. I will not run because it could negate your charges I took upon myself. Do not have regrets. I could not bear it if you were unhappy because of me. Fulfill your goal. You have worked too hard to give up now.”

 

“Thank you,” Shinobu whispered, gracing him with a rare smile of his own. He gave his hand a squeeze then let it go. Itsuki took that as a sign to remove his own hand, which he did hesitantly. In his unwillingness to retract the limb, his fingers remained and stroked the tanned skin. He wanted to commit the feel to memory. Slowly, he drew back.

 

If only Shinobu had been this kind to him in life. This affectionate. If only he had been able to act as equally affectionate. If only he had been able to make Shinobu happy. If only the man before him had been able to return his affections, been able to love him. If only it had never come to this. If only...

 

Nothing ever came from `with only', did it?

 

They lapsed into a comfortable silence. It reminded Itsuki of when they had been alive, during the last few years of Shinobu's life and in the final stages of the man's elaborate plan. It seemed that until the seven had been formed, all they did was spend their time in companionable silence. No words had been needed. As always though, the silence had to end.

 

“What now?” Itsuki asked.

 

“Our saga draws to a close,” Shinobu replied dryly.

 

He supposed it did. He closed his eye and sought out the Uraotoko. The familiar presence entered his mind and he focused his will into the creature. It understood. The room shook once as the shadow demon disappeared, then all was still.

 

No sooner had the tremor stopped when Koenma entered. His golden brown eyes were narrowed and he looked back and forth between the two sitting on the floor. His lip curled up slightly and Itsuki could not help but feel a small swell of pride. It would never matter how much the prince tried; he would not obtain the closeness he had once had with his detective.

 

“Are you two done then?” Koenma asked.

 

Shinobu drew himself into a standing position. He dusted himself off while Itsuki used the wall to help support himself as he rose from his place on the floor.

 

“I suppose so,” the former detective replied.

 

“Have you decided to decline his offer?” Koenma spoke directly to Shinobu, ignoring Itsuki completely for the time being. The demon found he did not mind.

 

“I have. For his sake,” Shinobu said. Here, Itsuki lowered his head slightly. He didn't know whether to be pleased or ashamed by the last half of the statement.

 

Koenma's eyebrows drew together in what was no doubt confusion. He did not comment on the cryptic remark. Instead, he nodded thoughtfully before continuing. He gestured towards the door. “If you could just wait outside for a minute. We need to discuss something privately.” Itsuki was unfazed. Shinobu, however, tensed visibly and looked questioningly at Itsuki. The demon smiled internally and gave a small nod.

 

The man left the room without looking back.

 

Koenma wasted no time. “Ayame has just informed me that your pet has been delivered to the Demon World, safe and sound.” When he made no reply, Koenma looked at him critically. “I never took you for a stupid man before, Itsuki. Loyal, but not stupid. This though…” The junior lord of hell sighed. “I won't let this slide.”

 

“I understand.” He did. Yet he still did not regret it. He had done what he felt he had to.

 

“Then are you prepared to go to Hell?”

 

“Of course,” Itsuki said. He stepped away from the wall, fought a moment to keep his balance, and then crossed the distance between himself and Koenma. He stopped only inches away.

 

“You will give Shinobu what he desires?” Itsuki questioned. He needed to reaffirm the answer. If he got even the slightest inkling Koenma would double cross Shinobu, he would retaliate. He did not know how and he did not know where he would get the strength, but he would manage if it came to that.

 

“I think you know the answer to that. I respect Shinobu too much to use him as a pawn to get back at you for what you did. I give you my word he will get what he wants. He will get his peace. I make no such promises for you.”

 

Itsuki felt no particular fear from that statement. “For Shinobu, it is worth it.”

 

Koenma said nothing in reply. He merely nodded and continued on his previous line of thought. “If that's all, I believe we can leave now. Everything has been prepared. I will escort you myself.”

 

With no small amount of pleasure, either, Itsuki mused. Aloud, he replied, “Very well.”

 

Itsuki followed him out the door, ready to meet his fate.