Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Fire and Ice ❯ Memories ( Chapter 7 )

Chapter 7: Memories

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Disclaimer: Sorry, but don't own it.

Warnings: Nothing out of the ordinary.

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Kurama showered a few minutes after Hiei left. Although refreshed, he was no closer to understanding what transpired between Hiei and himself. The whole situation was starting to give him a headache. He felt awful about what he had said. He had to apologize (even though that's what started the argument to begin with). Would he ever see Hiei long enough to apologize? Would Hiei even forgive him? A knock at the door pulled Kurama from his thoughts. He composed himself and opened the door to find a grinning Yusuke and a tired-looking Kuwabara.

"Hey Kurama, you're already dressed. That's great," Yusuke walked in followed by the other teen.

"I'm afraid I do not understand," Kurama muttered.

"We are going sight-seeing today. I solved our little problem with Keket, so we have the entire day to relax." Kurama cringed at the word relax. He was supposed to be doing that with Hiei right now, but he screwed that up royally.

"Hey, where's the shrimp?" Kuwabara asked as he looked around the room.

"He left. He and I had a little disagreement and I pushed some buttons that I should not have." Kurama lowered his eyes. He felt lower than scum.

"He needs an attitude adjustment…" thus began Kuwabara's rant. Yusuke just rolled his eyes and blocked him out.

"Hey, man, you okay?" Yusuke placed a friendly hand on Kurama's shoulder.

"I'm fine," Kurama proclaimed, but Yusuke didn't look convinced. "It's just that I was so cruel. I wanted to make him hurt. I was enjoying trying to cause him pain, like he hadn't endured enough in his short life. I haven't been that way for years. I feel just awful." Kurama wanted to throw something, kick something, and maybe kill something.

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Besides, Hiei could never stay mad at you." Yusuke was quite worried about companion. He had never known of Kurama to be intentionally cruel, especially when it came to Hiei. In fact, Kurama tried his damnedest not to hurt the fire demon and furiously defended him. Hell, Yusuke knew that the fox was in love with the runt.

"You didn't see it. He hated me when he left. I know that I went too far." Kurama was starting to become depressed. Yusuke had to get him out of there.

"Come on, let's go to town and forget this ever happened. He'll forgive you and, if he doesn't, he wasn't much of a friend to begin with." Yusuke put an arm around the kitsune's shoulders and walked him out of the room. "Come on Kuwabara. Hey, I almost forgot to tell you my brilliant plan. Koenma even agreed with it." The three "teens" went down the hall while Yusuke explained his plan.

*******

The village was bustling with activity. Feys in all sizes and colors were rustling about the busy marketplace.

"Man, have you ever seen so many pretty people in one place? I don't think I've seen an ugly Fey since we've been here," Kuwabara observed as they walked around the village.

"It's sad that they reside underground. They have so much talent to offer the Makai," Kurama noted.

"I wonder why they are down here and not up there," Yusuke pondered as he watched demons rush to and fro.

"They were forced underground by demons such as Fortinbras." Everyone turned around to see Hiei standing there with a bag full of purchased items.

"Hello Hiei." Kurama dropped his eyes from the intense ruby gaze.

"Fox." Hiei actually acknowledged him; he supposed that was a good sign.

"What do you mean they were forced underground?" Yusuke asked.

"Much like you humans, demons don't like what they don't understand. Feys are powerful, but their power is in their summoning abilities, not their physical strength. They came here in order to keep peace and protect their people from constant attacks on their land." Hiei pulled a peach-like fruit out of his bag and began chomping on it. Yusuke looked over at Kurama who was staring hard at the little fire demon. He then looked back at Hiei who was scowling, but looking like he lost his best friend at the same time.

"Hey, Kuwabara, let's go look at that shop over there. I think they have some cute chicks in there." Yusuke dragged a protesting Kuwabara away from the two demons.

"Hiei, about this morning…" Kurama started.

"You're not going to apologize again are you?" Hiei said uncomfortably.

"Yes, I am." Kurama was determined. Hiei rolled his eyes, grabbed Kurama by the arm, and dragged him from the marketplace and into the "wilderness" area. "Hiei, what are you doing?" Kurama wasn't sure what the youkai was up to, but he was certain that it couldn't be good.

"I don't want my problems broadcasted all over the place thank you. Knowing your inclination to talk too much, everyone will know every little detail about this morning." Kurama fought the urge to grin. Hiei was going to listen to his apology.

"Hiei, I really am sorry. I didn't mean most of the things I said and they certainly aren't true." Hiei snorted and Kurama felt his heart breaking all over again.

"You're wrong again kitsune. You did mean those things and I suppose you believe them to be true. Whether they are or not, I have no idea, and like I would tell you if they were." Hiei had his back to Kurama and was looking out on the forest.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven? Hiei, I went too far. Yell at me, tell me you hate me…anything. I can't take this. I wanted to be your friend and I turned out to be one of your enemies." Kurama thought he heard Hiei mutter: `You don't know just how right you are.' He didn't want to ask if he heard right.

"Kurama, I'm not going to yell at you or tell you that I hate you. You are punishing yourself more than I ever could…which I had no intention on doing." Hiei sat down his bag and slumped his shoulders. "I suppose I was…harsh myself." Kurama grinned. It was as close to an apology that Hiei will probably ever get. The redhead couldn't help himself. He walked up behind Hiei and pulled the shorter demon into a hug.

"Thank you Hiei." Kurama softly whispered. "I do not deserve your forgiveness," Kurama said against the halfling's hair. The smaller demon's back was stiff and he was not showing signs of relaxing in Kurama's hold. Kurama sighed in frustration as he let go of Hiei.

"Fox, you just said what you felt. I don't have to agree with anything you think. I know who and what I am. Your opinion is just one of many and is of no consequence." Hiei voice was so cold. Kurama gulped. The kitsune had no desire to join "the others" who had passed their opinions on Hiei. Kurama did believe what he said, but he usually had more tact upon delivery. What little scrap of emotion he worked hard to gain from Hiei was now blocked off from him. The youkai showed Kurama the same coldness that he did the rest of the world.

"Hiei…"

"You better hurry up and catch up with the ningens. Chances are they will get themselves in trouble." Without another word, Hiei flitted away, leaving Kurama standing in the street. The youko dropped his head with a growl. He just kept screwing up today. He picked up Hiei's bag of fruit and went in search of Yusuke and Kuwabara. He dragged his feet as he thought about how much he better he and Hiei got along before he figured out he was in love with the little fire demon.

******

Hiei leaned against the cold rock wall of the cavern, panting. Surely, he wasn't having one of those "panic attacks" that ningens have. His pulse was pounding in his ears as he lowered his head to the smooth surface of the rock. He felt like he was either going to topple over or hurl. He hadn't felt that uncomfortable around Kurama since… No, he couldn't think about that now. He licked his dry lips, trying to moisten them to no avail. His breathing finally slowed as he pushed down the thoughts of his past. Damn that kitsune! It was his fault that Hiei was in the condition that he was in.

Hiei turned around, pressed his back to the cavern wall, and slid to the ground. Cold sweat broke out on his forehead as memories flooded his being. Kurama was not that way anymore. At least that's what Hiei used to think, until this morning that is. True Kurama had changed considerably since their first meeting, but he was the same youko underneath. The Kurama that he was this morning was the cold, calculating youko, not he gentle, emotional human. He tried to block out the memories of his first meeting with the silver kitsune for years, but now it was all coming back to him in a rush and Hiei fought the urge to repeatedly pound his head into a wall. He began to zone out and let himself fall into his memories…

~*~*~Flashback~*~*~

The sound of metal clanking together caused the naked youkai to rouse from his light, pain-filled slumber. He was face down in the dirt with his arms tied behind him and the wards were still covering his body along with many cuts and bruises. Those three youkos had used him mercilessly. They had violated his body over and over until they were satisfied and they were far from gentle about it. He hurt all over, it was hard to breathe, and he wanted to die, not to mention the temperature had dropped and now it was very cold. He was proud of himself though; he didn't cry or scream out, no matter how much he had wanted to.

The sound of rustling clothing alerted the little demon that he was not alone in his cage. He heard no foot steps and he did not have the strength to open his eyes, let alone turn his head to see if the visitor had any intention of getting close to him. He tried to roll over despite his weakened condition, but all that he could manage was to let out a low moan of pain. A warm, gentle hand on his bruised back kept him from struggling more.

"If you keep that up, you are just going to hurt yourself more." That voice sounded familiar, but Hiei's pain muddled brain could not recall the face or name that went to that deep, seductive voice. A tray or something similar was sat down near his head and the smell of medicinal herbs and food assailed Hiei's senses.

"I bet you're hungry, so I did a little light hunting and brought you some food." Hiei felt his wrists being released from their binds. His arms fell limply to the ground at and his sides, not having the energy to do more. Strong arms lifted the tiny bundle, turned him, and placed him on a lap. Hiei opened his tired eyes to see who was being so gentle with him. His vision blurred for a moment before focusing on the face of the flirty silver youko from earlier. What was his name again? Hiei squinted as he tried to remember.

"Kurama?" Oops, he didn't actually mean to say that out loud. Golden eyes looked at him with shock. "What?" Hiei asked hoarsely as the kitsune continued to stare at him.

"I didn't think you would remember my name." Was Hiei mistaken or did he hear longing in the fox demon's voice.

"Hn. Like I would forget." Hiei growled bitterly and silver ears drooped in shame.

"I had no idea that they would go this far. I thought they were just going to play with you a little, not actually rape you. Rape is for cowards." Kurama began peeling off the blood-soaked wards, causing Hiei to hiss in pain.

"Well, obviously you were wrong." Hiei tried to struggle his way out of the youko's grasp.

"I told you to quit that. Do you want to end up worse off than what you already are?" Kurama tightened his hold.

"What do you care? You allowed this to happen. What's wrong kitsune? Feeling guilty? Highly unlikely." Golden eyes darkened in anger as Kurama's grip tightened on the little youkai. Hiei growled as he felt the pressure on his broken ribs.

"Listen here little one. The only reason I care is I like for my toys to beg for it willingly and I want them to be pretty when they do. They marred you and spoiled your spirit. I wanted to be the one who broke you and you would have enjoyed my methods. Breaking you my way makes us both winners and neither victims. Now you will be screaming for me to stop instead of screaming for more or harder. Such disappointment." The youko's voice held no compassion, disappointment maybe, but nothing more. Truth was, maybe he did feel a little guilty, but he really didn't know why and he'd die and go to hell before he'd admit it.

"Break me? You think I can be broken? Fuck you, fox!" Hiei spat.

"Not yet my pretty little youkai. We have to heal your wounds first, and then we can play…" Kurama dropped his gaze suggestively southward, "if you're up to it." A playful, seductive smirk found its way to Kurama's lips.

"Go to hell." Hiei growled low in his throat as he looked away from the youko's lustful gaze.

"Now, now, that wasn't very nice. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?" Kurama teased as he began to clean the many cuts on Hiei's small body.

"I don't have a mother, so I guess it doesn't matter." There was an unemotional coldness in that statement that made the youko slightly concerned for the young demon. He was too young to be that bitter and jaded, even after what happened this evening. Did the fire demon even have a beating heart in him? Not once had he heard the demon make a noise, other than a disgusted grunt, during his assault. Most demons would have at least screamed out in agony, but not this one. He handled that situation with the same coldness he was displaying now.

"Did she die when you were younger?" The youko asked conversationally as he dipped the blood-soaked rag into the warm water, turning it pink.

"No. She threw me away right after my birth…just like trash. Turns out males are not allowed to live among the Koorime," again spoken with detached coldness. Realization dawned on Kurama. The little demon was not lying earlier when he said that he was a Koorime. He had not taken the little demon seriously at the time. This little runt was the Forbidden Child of the Koorime? This diminutive demon was the one reeking havoc all of the Makai for the past one hundred years or more?

Kurama had expected something more, someone…bigger. This brat was causing quite an uproar in all the territories of the Makai. Many demons talked about the rat like he was Karma coming back and biting them in the ass. They were afraid of…him. He barely came to Kurama's chest and they were afraid? Stories had spread quickly about the Forbidden Child. The lower-class youkai had purposefully sought out those stronger than him and each time the stronger demon had fallen to this tiny figure in the black robes of an assassin. No one knew what he looked like until they were ready to die. His face was the last thing they would see. Hiei had to have the best luck of any one demon. In theory, the half-breed should not have been able to defeat any of those who he had challenged. Yet, he walked away the victor every time. There is something to be said about someone who is not afraid to die: they can never truly be defeated, for their own death is just as much of a reward as the death of their opponents.

The kitsune was curious to say the least. This little demon was quite the puzzle. Kurama wanted to figure the enigma that was Hiei. Almond-shaped ruby eyes looked at the youko disdainfully as he cleaned the wounds. Golden eyes studied the youkai thoughtfully, not really paying attention to the wound he was currently cleaning.

"Would you quit looking at me like that? It's creeping me out." Hiei could handle the lustful leering or anger, but he didn't want pity…period.

"How am I looking at you little one?" Kurama put the soiled rag back into the bloodstained water and grabbed his herbs.

"I don't want your pity," Hiei spat out.

"That wasn't pity Chibi, that was hunger…for you." Kurama licked his lips and Hiei rolled his eyes in frustration.

"I want nothing to do with you. Just let me go." Hiei was ranting about how much he hated all kitsunes and the kind of death he would give them as soon as he was able to move. "SHIT! That's cold damn it!" Kurama chuckled as he rubbed the salve on Hiei's wounds. "You're a sadistic bastard, you know that?"

"You're so sexy when you're angry," Kurama cooed in Hiei's ear. Hiei stiffened and started to tremble. Kurama got the hint and backed off. "They ruined you," the kitsune whined much to Hiei's chagrin.

"Quit whining, it's annoying." Kurama blinked at the youkai on his lap. The little brat wasn't even able to move much and was in a cage, yet he was issuing orders to Kurama like it was an everyday thing.

"As you wish, Chibi-sama." Kurama winked at the highly pissed demon before leaning down and licking a cut on his shoulder. Muscles tensed underneath the dexterous tongue as Kurama laved at the wounds. Hiei growled and tried to push away. The small demon's mind was screaming "NO" while his body was screaming "YES" as Kurama continued his ministrations on another wound. Hiei didn't want this. Even though it was gentler than the last time, it didn't take the memory away from the pain, the smell of blood and arousal, and the absolute humilation. Unfortunately, the fire demon's body did not follow the demands of his mind. Whatever that sick fox doing, made his body sing, but his mind felt like he was being violated. The trembling became more severe and Hiei closed his eyes tightly.

"Shh, let me show you how good it can feel. Let me give you pleasure." Kurama whispered seductively against the soft skin of Hiei's neck. Hiei swallowed audibly and turned his head away from Kurama's gaze. He felt so ashamed. It did feel good, but he didn't want it. He wanted to fight his body's reaction to the gentle touches, kisses, nips, and licks the youko was submitting him to. He didn't want to enjoy it, but he had to repress a shudder every now and then, as Kurama teased a particularly sensitive spot.

"Stop, please stop," Hiei choked out. This gentle kissing and caressing was worse than the brutal rape. It tended to make an individual think that there was actual emotion in the act, emotion Hiei had only experienced once in his life…with Keket. He should have never left the Daione Sidhe, then he wouldn't be here now. Much to Hiei's surprise, Kurama backed off and began to bandage his wounds. Hiei turned his head to look at the youko, eyes wide with shock.

"Nani?" Kurama asked with amusement.

"You stopped." Hiei's voice was distant, unbelieving.

"You asked me to. I told you that I wasn't going to force you. If I take you, it will be because you want me to. Doesn't mean I'm not going to try though," Kurama winked as he tied up the last bandage. He then covered Hiei with a big, thick blanket to fight off the night's chill, and placed a tray of food in front of the fire demon.

"Come on now, you must be hungry. It's not poisoned if that's what you're worried about." To illustrate his point, Kurama tears off a small piece of meat and eats it. "It tastes pretty good…not as good as you though." Hiei blushed at the comment before reaching one callused hand out to snag some of the meat for himself.

"Hentai." Hiei pulled the sliver of meat to his face and snarled his nose. "It's raw." Hiei felt sick as the blood dripped from the meat. Blood in general didn't bother him, but eating it did.

"You cook it?" Kurama sounded so unbelieving that Hiei couldn't help but look at him and arch an eyebrow.

"Kitsune no baka, of course I cook it. It's…still bleeding. Blood is not meant to be digested unless in some sort of ritual, and I still have problems with it then." Kurama couldn't help but to chuckle at the look on Hiei's face.

"I never thought you the squeamish type. I just assumed that you wouldn't care one way or the other."

"That's what you get for assuming, fox." Hiei was strong enough to summon enough of his you-ki to cook the meat, which was just barely enough.

"Well, you're a walking stove, so what does it matter anyway?" Kurama teased.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're an idiot?" Hiei asked with all the seriousness he could muster, which caused Kurama to bust out laughing. "See what I mean."

"You are so serious Chibi." Hiei growled at the pet name. "What makes you say that I'm an idiot?"

"I'm a walking stove? What about that sounds intelligent?" Kurama just laughed harder. Damn this demon was hilarious and didn't even know it.

"Oh Chibi, you're quite entertaining."

"I really hate it when you call me that." Hiei finished eating the food in no time and Kurama just looked at him in awe.

"When was the last time you ate?" The pretty little thing was eating like a being that hadn't ate in a while, and his physique didn't exactly oppose that thought either.

"Sunrise one week ago." Kurama's eyes widened. One week was too long for anyone to go without food, no matter who they were. And to know the exact time you ate last…the poor thing must have been desperate for food.

"Hold on a sec." Without another word, Kurama hurried from the cage. Hiei looked at the retreating youko with slight…amusement? He silently wondered what village was missing its idiot, and how much reward he would receive if he returned him. Kurama returned a few moments later with his arms full.

"Here we go. It's too late to go hunting, but I brought some bread, veggies, and some fruits. We've got to strengthen you up my pet, so we can have our fun." Kurama laid down the various foods in front of a perturbed Hiei.

"You have an one track mind. What about no don't you understand? Do I have to draw pictures?" Again, Kurama was more amused than anything. What he wouldn't give to keep this particular youkai.

"I told you Chibi that I want you, nothing's changed." Hiei's scowl deepened but he began to eat the foods sat in front of him. "What are you doing all the way out here? You are a long way from fire demon territory."

"I have no place with the fire demons, just like I have no place with the ice maidens. I am currently an unemployed assassin. Not that it is any of your business." Hiei said with a mouthful of food.

"You will find your place someday Chibi, you'll see. But for now, you're my pet. Lucky me." Kurama looked like a child at Christmas and Hiei had the promise of death in his blood red eyes.

"You're sick and need your head examined." Hiei yawned right after he gave his opinion. He was so tired. Hell, he couldn't even remember the last time he felt safe enough to sleep an entire night, and this situation wasn't a safe one. No sleep again tonight.

"It won't do you any good to fight sleep my pretty Chibi. The salve had a sedative in it. I knew that you were the type that wouldn't trust us enough to enter a healing sleep, so I didn't give you a choice in the matter." Kurama forced Hiei to lay down and tucked the blanket tighter around the small demon.

"Like you've given me a choice in anything since I've been here." Hiei barely recognized his own voice, thick with sleep. He looked up to the retreating figure of Kurama.

"Goodnight Chibi. Sorry, but I have to hang up some wards. We can't have you running away now can we? Sleep well." With that, Kurama closed the door to the cave and began hanging his ward. Hiei growled and started going to sleep. This was just the first day of many he was to spend with that crazy youko.

*********

"HIEI!" The fire demon was startled into awareness and drew his sword. He stopped just inches from the face of one of the most beautiful creatures he had ever seen…Keket. She didn't look very scared, even though he was just inches from chopping her head off.

"Welcome back. Enjoy your trip to Daydream Land?" Keket's teasing earned a deadly scowl from Hiei. "Are you alright? The others were worried about you and didn't know where to find you." Keket placed a hand on Hiei's shoulder.

"I'm fine." He jerked away from her and started in the direction of the palace.

"Yeah, you look it," she stated sarcastically and followed him through the town.

"What would they care anyway?" Hiei said to himself more than to anyone.

"I don't know. By all means, your attitude leaves something to be desired, not to mention you've almost killed all three of them…yet they call themselves your friends. Damn the bad luck." Hiei stopped to send another death glare at the Fey, but she smiled and Hiei couldn't bring himself to glare. Keket walked over to him and grabbed his hand and they walked slowly back to the palace.

"Why do I put up with you?" Hiei asked as they walked.

"Cause you looove me." Keket batted her eyelashes.

"Like hell I do." Hiei chuckled.

"I'm glad to see you're in better spirits. Now come on, let's go eat." Keket dragged Hiei inside. A figure from a window upstairs watched with a broken heart as the love of his life walked hand in hand with another.

********

"Hey man, we thought we lost you." Yusuke was sitting at the table, already stuffing his face.

"I was kinda hoping we did." Kuwabara muttered as he, himself started eating.

"Too bad I didn't get lost, that way I wouldn't have to put up with you." Hiei returned.

"But Hiei we would miss you." Kurama said from the bar with a sad little smile.

"Hn." That fox altered his ability to come up with an intelligent sentence. Hiei and Kurama just stood there looking at each other in silence.

"Come on Kuwabara, I'm full and I'm going to check out the hot springs." It was the second time in the day that Kuwabara was dragged away by Yusuke. Keket just shrugged and followed them out.

"I was afraid you wouldn't come back." Kurama said softly.

"I needed to do some thinking." Hiei was at least talking somewhat, which was more than what he usually did.

"Why don't you ever talk to me about your problems? I tell you about mine all the time." Kurama poured Hiei a drink.

"What do you care?" Hiei was still mad Kurama noted. So much so, that Kurama was almost afraid to hand the drink to him. Hiei drained it almost as fast as Kurama could hand it to him. Being gentlemanly, the kitsune refilled the glass each time the youko emptied it.

"Believe it or not Hiei, people can care about you," Kurama stated bitterly.

"And I suppose you are claiming to be one of them?" Hiei was always so unbelieving.

"Yes Hiei, I am. Like it or not, I'm your friend." Kurama felt his temper flaring again. Hiei just seemed to have that effect on people.

"Why would you want to be? What is it exactly that you want from me?" Hiei really didn't trust anyone Kurama noticed.

"Nothing. That's the beauty of it. You give to each other without expecting anything in return, other than the friendship itself. You know, what you share with Keket." Hiei arched an eyebrow at the kitsune.

"I know what a friend is kitsune no baka. I also know that youkos give nothing away without expecting something in return." So that was where Hiei was coming from.

"Youkos also do not usually have experience in human emotions. I find that human companionship is much better than the youko version." Kurama refilled Hiei's glass…again. Actually, this was the first time that Kurama noticed just how much of the Makai liquor he was giving Hiei; the bottle was almost empty.

"You would." Hiei downed the burning liquid in the glass and gave a slight hiccup. He stumbled over to the bar and laid his glass down. Kurama, until that point, had not noticed that Hiei was starting to become drunk.

"I think we better get you to bed. You are going to hate yourself in the morning." Hiei stumbled about as he followed Kurama to their room.

"But I'm not tired." Hiei whined? This was getting entirely too strange for Kurama. He glanced behind him to see how Hiei was fairing and had to fight the urge to laugh. Hiei bumped into a wall and fell flat on his bum.

"You silly youkai, you shouldn't drink so much." Kurama picked Hiei up as tenderly as he would a small child and carried him the rest of the way down the hall.

"I didn't drink that much," Hiei pouted as Kurama placed him on his bed.

"Of course not. How very stupid of me to think otherwise." Kurama helped Hiei out of his cloak and boots before tucking him in between the covers. He stood to leave, but Hiei's hand reached out to grab his wrist, holding him there.

"If it had happened differently, I probably would have you know," Hiei stated openly with his large eyes haunted with soul-searing pain. Kurama was totally confused, needless to say.

"What are you talking about?" Kurama sat back down on the bed.

"If you were the first, if you had wanted me before the other three, I probably would have not been able to deny you anything." Hiei raised his hand and combed through the silky red locks of Kurama's hair.

"Hiei, you're not making any sense." Kurama's heart was pounding so hard that it felt that it would burst from his chest. Hiei was touching him…like a lover would. His heart swelled with hope.

"If you hadn't let them rape me, and came to me first, I wouldn't have been able to resist you. But you were right, they had ruined me for you." Hiei let out a hysterical laugh before cupping Kurama's face with his hand. "Back then when I was able to feel. I lost what little feeling I had that day. I had none left for you when you cam to me. And I'm not sure if I could ever have any now."

*******

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