Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Flux ❯ Chapter Sixteen ( Chapter 16 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Chapter Sixteen
Hiei scowled as he sat on the bed, drying his shower-dampened hair with a towel. He hated feeling as weak as he had over the past week. He hadn't even been able to help with the demon-hunting task very much. Now he was feeling up to helping, and there was nothing left to help with.

Hiei folded the towel and placed it on the table by his side of the bed. The shielding was working perfectly, which was good, but it left Hiei with nothing to do. The fire demon had felt rather useless down in Engineering, as he really wasn't an engineer. He had barely been able to help in the first place. All he had done was put together an electronic image of the symbols to be used for the ward. Other than that, he had been worthless in even defending himself from attacks.

Hiei fingered the fabric of his pants, lost in his thoughts. He had to admit--grudgingly--that he was jealous of Kurama. It had become painfully apparent that Hiei's usefulness had been temporary. Kurama, on the other hand, had been proving his worth through his plant-manipulating skills. His carefully-cultivated plants had been supplementing the diets of everyone on board. He had also been getting along with the crew well. While Hiei had also been accepted, he felt uncomfortable. After all, each of the crew was working hard and had worth to Voyager. He didn't have any useful skills--at least, none useful on a starship--and he therefore couldn't work much at all.

Kurama, however . . . He not only had skills useful to the ship, he also had good interaction skills, which Hiei lacked. He had been gaining them on Voyager because he was attempting to fit in. The prospect of being stuck on board such a small ship was unappealing on its own; with no companionship, it was disturbing. At least while he had been stuck in the Ningenkai, which was much larger than Voyager, he had constantly been around Yuusuke, Kuwabara, Kurama, and the others; he'd had camaraderie. He could only be thankful that he wasn't stuck here alone, and he felt guilty for that gratitude. The fox had been torn away from his home and family, and that was not something that Hiei would ever wish on him. It probably would have been better if Kurama had been left back in their own time . . .

The door to their quarters slid open, revealing the object of his thoughts. Kurama smiled at him, and Hiei felt even more like a heel. "Hey. How was your day?"

Hiei considered what to respond with, then settled on an honest answer: "Boring."

Kurama winced, and Hiei felt another stab of guilt. He looked away as the fox crossed the room and sat next to him on the bed. "Hiei, are you okay? You seem . . ." He paused. Hiei was surprised by the word Kurama used to finish the sentence. "You seem depressed . . ." The redhead looked very concerned.

Hiei didn't look at his friend. There was no reason to worry the fox. "I'm just bored. There's nothing for me to do on Voyager."

Kurama frowned. "I thought you were good with computers . . . that you were going to be working in Engineering . . ."

"I'm not an engineer," Hiei answered simply. B'Elanna had made that clear to him. He didn't hold a grudge for her blunt judgment; she was right. He wasn't an engineer. She had just been honest with her concern about the ship.

The fire demon looked up as Kurama put a hand on his shoulder. "Hiei . . . What's wrong?" When Hiei didn't answer, the fox continued. "I know you're not 'just bored'. Please talk to me." Hiei looked at his hands, not sure how to answer. After about thirty seconds of waiting, Kurama sighed and got up. "If you ever do want to talk, I'm always here for you, Hiei. You know that."

The fire demon could only watch as the redhead headed into the bathroom. He cursed under his breath as the door closed. He'd screwed up and missed his chance to talk. Hiei lay back on the bed and closed his eyes, allowing his legs to dangle over the side. It didn't matter. Kurama had said he was always there for him, and he could talk to the fox when he got out of the shower.

However, after only a few minutes of waiting, Hiei fell asleep. He didn't wake when Kurama left the bathroom, nor even when his friend moved him and tucked him in.

Kurama ran a hand through the sleeping demon's hair as he finished tucking him in. He frowned as he sat on the bed next to his friend. Hiei had looked rather depressed; it wasn't his imagination. He was pretty sure he knew what was wrong, but he didn't want to assume anything.

He studied Hiei's features, smoothed in sleep, then sighed deeply. He couldn't really blame Hiei for being depressed. The fire demon's meager computer skills hadn't been of much use past programming the tricorder, and they had only been useful then because computer languages had changed very little. However, quite a few other things had changed, and Hiei's skills were extremely antiquated because of that. He was sure that was what was bothering his friend.

At least he had skills that were useful to the ship. He was able to produce organic food for Neelix to prepare for the crew. Hiei was unable to do anything, and he was upset because of that. It probably would have been better if Hiei had been left behind during the gate incident. Kurama winced at the guilty thought that invaded his mind: he was glad that Hiei was with him. How wish this on his friend? Hiei had been torn away from his sister and thrown into a situation where he felt worthless. The sanjiyan had felt worthless his entire life, and Kurama would do anything to keep him from feeling like that. But here he was, glad that Hiei was in that situation. What kind of friend was he?

Kurama shook his head, pushing down the guilt, and yawned, then rose and walked around the bed. He had plants to take care of in the morning, and a stubborn fire demon to pester into talking. As long as they were stuck here, there was no point in crying over it. The only thing he could do was try to fix what was wrong. He lay down, wondering how exactly to accomplish the latter. His thoughts slowly tapered into dreams.

Hiei woke to a rather delicious smell. He opened his eyes to see Kurama sitting next to him on the bed, holding a tray. He sat up and blinked at the redhead.

Kurama grinned at him. "Good morning, Sunshine. How does breakfast sound?" At Hiei's skeptical look, the fox smirked. They had both been unimpressed with the replicator's version of food. "Neelix made pancakes. He even put chocolate chips in yours." He laughed as the fire demon's eyebrows raised. "Get up and we can eat. Or would you rather have breakfast in bed," he teased.

Hiei pushed the covers off. "I'll get up," he said softly, looking away.

Kurama frowned at Hiei's response, and redoubled his resolve to find out what was wrong. He hadn't meant for Hiei to take that badly. The fox rose and set the tray on the table, then sat down and waiting. His worry increased when Hiei took his time in getting up, rather than doing so quickly and efficiently. Hiei was not normally slow at anything, especially daily activities. Something was definitely wrong . . .

Hiei ate quickly, not bothering to enjoy what he was eating. Kurama watched him with concern, eating at his own, slower pace. The fire demon remained in his seat after he'd finished eating, looking past his empty plate, a faraway look in his eyes. The look on his face disturbed Kurama, and he pushed back his plate, no longer hungry. "Hiei . . .?" The youkai looked up, blinking. "If you want to talk . . ." He left the sentence unfinished, an offer.

Hiei looked down and nodded. "You were right. I'm not 'just bored' . . ." There was a long pause, and Kurama waited patiently. "I want to be useful, Fox." The fire demon looked up. "Right now, I'm not."

The redhead sighed inwardly. He had been right. "I didn't realize that you weren't going to be able to work in engineering."

The fire demon shrugged. "Having computer skills is one thing. Engineering is something totally different. I worked with computers when I was bored, but I never really understood or wanted to understand how they worked. I still don't." He sighed. "I was able to alter the tricorder because it was easy to operate. I was able to hack into Voyager's computer because there was a hole in the security that few people would notice. I only noticed it because it was similar to the one I used to hack into the Pentagon before." Hiei shook his head. "When I learned how to use the computer, it was for frivolous reasons. My 'skills' in hacking aren't that useful unless there's something to hack, and there's not . . ."

"So you feel like you're worthless." It wasn't a question, and Hiei flinched. "You're not, Hiei. I have one use, and I'm lucky to have that. I'm still going to have to learn quite a bit to function on board."

Hiei scowled. "So what am I going to do, Kurama?" The youko was taken aback by his friend's use of his name. "How the hells am I supposed to be of any use in the middle of nowhere with absolutely no skills and no idea what skills to gain to be useful?!"

It took a moment for Kurama's shock to wear off. Then the answer came to him. "Talk to Janeway." Hiei stared at him. "She should be able to help, Hiei. Anyone's skills can be adapted, and I'm betting that they have some sort of aptitude test that you can take."

Hiei frowned. "An aptitude test?"

Kurama smiled at him. "It's a test to see what area you're most suited for." The fire demon didn't respond. "We could go talk to Janeway about it later, if you want."

"Hn." Hiei looked away. "Fine with me."

Kurama frowned slightly. "Hiei, is there more bothering you?" His frown deepened when the sanjiyan shrugged. "Please tell me."

Hiei didn't look at him. "Do you . . . Do you think they have a way to contact Earth?"

"I don't know." Kurama was startled. That had come out of nowhere, in his eyes. "Why?"

The fire demon looked up at him. "I want to know about Yukina. If . . . If we contact Earth, Koenma will pick it up. I'm betting he's been able to figure out in four hundred years what happened to us, and he's probably watching for us. If Yukina is still alive . . ." He looked away again, swallowing hard.

Kurama winced. Hiei hadn't been there to protect her--to at least die with her. It was killing him inside to not know what had happened to her. He had completely forgotten about Yukina and the others back on Earth, and that made him feel even worse. How could he call himself Hiei's friend? How could he think he loved him, or deserved his feelings returned? "We'll ask Janeway. Let's get this cleaned up so we can do that right away, okay?"

Hiei nodded. They quickly cleared the table and dressed, then headed toward the Captain's quarters.

---

This took so long to get out! Nearly a year! I'm sorry, people. It's been hectic, and I got into writing other things--like Suicide and Half-Breed's Curse, among others. Tora had to pester me incessantly for a week to get me to finish this chapter. The quick warning is that posts are definitely going to remain sporadic. College is getting harder, and I can't afford to slack off. There are no more chances for me. I literally cannot screw up one more time or I will not graduate. So school is a bit more important to me at the moment.

This storyline is going awfully slow. It's harder that I know what I want to do with it. In the future, there will be points of fast-forward, which will be indicated at the top of the page. There are so many details. There will be clips from some of the parts, but it won't be much because I do want to finish this eventually.

I actually had a different chapter started for this chapter, and it got so slooow that I had to ditch it. The first paragraph explains what happens in the week we don't see, and I think that's the way the style will have to flow.

I was actually tempted to wait until the 16th to post this, since it'll be the two-year anniversary for this fic being on fanfiction.net, but I was impatient and anniversaries aren't that important in the long run. ^^;

Thanks for continuing to read!

Thank you, Tora, for going over this for me!