Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Hiei's (Attempt at) Revenge ❯ Guns ( Chapter 2 )

Hiei took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of the flowers clutched in his hands, ecstatic that he had found some flowers that might do for his purpose - also pretty happy that no one had spotted him in a field picking flowers. He would have never been able to live that one down. In fact, all was rather spiffy there in the park, and no strange occurances had yet to happen, so Hiei sat down to lean back against a tree. He settled the flowers in his lap, and was about to close his eyes.

Yet a spot of black above him made him sharply alert, and Hiei quickly got to his feet, accidentally smashing some of the flowers which had fallen off of his lap.

"Shit ..." he glared up the tree, "Hey! Who's up there!?"

"Go away!" Shouted a sweet, enchanting voice, and Hiei took pause, his eyes widening in alarm as the voice began to sob, "I don't need your help! I don't need you! I-!"

"Good," and Hiei began to walk away, planning to find that convenient field of flowers.

"Wait! No!" A small figure jumped down which was swarthed completely in black, "You're a youkai, aren't you? I can feel it!" Her silver eyes got big, taking up half of her face, obviously trying to swallow him up in some way.

Fuck, I feel disgusting just looking at her! "And what of it, you pathetic bitch?" (Look! One of the swear words he forgot about!)

The girl blinked in slight shock, glanced around their immediate vicinity before shrugging, and then smiled at Hiei again, "Maybe ... maybe you really can help me!"

"Not likely. Bugger off."

"... You have to help me!" She shrieked, "I'm a princess of the Lost Tribe of the Dark, Naughty, Powerful, Super-Neat, Dark Dragon Princesses! Obey me!"

Hiei's eyes widened in alarm at her outburst, "Wha-?"

"Only a Jaganshi that was born of a Koorime with Hi Youkai blood in him can save me. Tell me please, are you such a youkai?"

"No, I'm a platypus now," Hiei said.

"But you look like-"

"A platypus. Go away. "

"But platypuses are poisonous. Are you-?"

"Yes, and it's very painful. Shoo."

Suddenly, the girl began to smile, and she hugged herself shyly, "Oh, I see. You're playing hard-to-get, but I can wait."

Hiei's face became blank momentarily before he shook his head, "Uh ... no, I'm still a platypus."

Deadpan, she asked, "A talking platypus?"

"... We platypuses work in strange ways."

"A platypus in Japan?"

"......... Look!" Hiei pointed behind her, "A distraction!"

She looked, "Where!?"

With her back turned, the Jaganshi (... Platypus?) ran away. That had almost been too close for comfort.

... And he had to go look for more flowers!

He circled the block a few more times just to make sure, however, the field of flowers wasn't there anymore.

Apprehensive, Hiei chewed the nail on his pinky finger, debating with himself on whether he should stick around to see if it would show up again, or go look for another random field. Maybe the humans had torn it all down, and built up this strange building in its place while he had been gone ... in fifteen minutes.

He didn't like the look of the place. It reeked of suspicion, and Hiei just kind of didn't want to be around it. Whoever heard of a building being built in such short time anyway? However, who would build a building so that it would look so rundown and old?

Maybe if he walked away, and came back, it would revert back into the field of flowers ... as odd as that sounded. Yet, Hiei didn't want to stay around the building, so he turned away.

PERSON THAT HIEI LOVED needed him to do something about those terrible readers and authors after all. THAT PERSON didn't deserve all of the things that they said about THAT PERSON, and he was going to make THAT PERSON the luckiest RACE/SPECIES ever! Hiei tried to think of some way - other than flowers - that might help him woo THAT PERSON.

"Hm ..." Hiei looked up, and spotted another conveniently placed facility.

Still not as experienced as he might have thought he was, Hiei entered the jeweler's shop.

He looked through all of the merchandise, finding quite a few acceptable pieces that PERSON THAT HIEI LOVED might enjoy. A blue gem set in a lovely band of gold caught his attention, and he looked around for a store clerk. Seemingly knowing that Hiei wanted her help, the young woman went over.

Her deepset - almost black - blue eyes gazed at him thoughtfully as if sizing him up, and she smiled, brushing red hair behind her ear, "May I help you?"

"Ah ..." He shook out of it. Not all pretty women can be one of those damned Mary Sues ... right? "I want to see that ring." He gestured to the little ring with the blue stone, and she unlocked the case, pulling it out.

"A nice choice. Who is this for?"

Hiei opened his mouth, about to say THAT PERSON's name, thought better of it, and just said, "Someone who is very special to me."

"Oh, and does this special person like this particular stone?"

"I ... wouldn't really know actually. Maybe you could help pick out a ring," he shrugged, looking around the store as he confessed that he needed help. It was all for PERSON THAT HIEI LOVED.

"Okay, what do they look like?"

"COLOR hair, and ANOTHER ADJECTIVE, COLOR eyes ..."

She paled, "Uh ..."

He sighed, "It's a curse." (*snorts, feeling offended*)

The woman frowned in confusion, and looked around, "Did you hear something?"

"No."

"Okay ..." she smirked. "A curse, huh? Maybe we can find something in here that will help with that."

"I doubt that ..." Suddenly feeling a bit uneasy being that close to her.

However, another glittering stone begged him to look at it. It was made of two gold bands, both of which spun around the other, and there were round diamonds set into the bands all throughout.

"Ah," she smiled, "you're thinking about getting your special someone an engagement ring?"

An engagement ring! Of course! I'll marry PERSON THAT I LOVE! Then those readers can't complain! And if they do, it won't matter. I'll be married, and they'll just be a bunch of moronic, little hellions bent on trying to ruin how people - namely me - live their lives! "Give me that ring!"

Again, her smile seemed to light up the room, and Hiei eyed her nervously as she pulled it out to show him, "It's esquisite. Definitely intended to say that your love is eternal, and that you want to forever be entwined with your" - she giggled - "special someone ... it is a woman, correct?"

"A YES OR NO ANSWER ..." Hiei looked up, "Okay, that was just cold."

(I like applesauce, Hiei.)

"Okay, I know that I heard something that time," the woman frowned, casting annoyed glances around the room.

"You're disillusioned. Shut up." Thus stated Hiei slipped the ring into his pocket - and the other which she had deigned to not put back into its case. Things were getting to be too strange for Hiei there in the jeweler's shop.

"Hey, what're you-?"

He took off his bandana, and his Jagan glowed as he attempted to wipe her mind, "I was never here."

"What're you talking about!? You're hear right now!"

"You meant to say 'here' ......?" He backed away in shock, "Shit! And I thought that you weren't a Mary Sue! How can someone say a misspelled word, and not be one?"

She seethed, jumping onto the counter, and pointed at him, "How dare you call me a Mary Sue! I've been trhough too much shit to listen to something like that!"

"... You mean the truth? ... And you did it again. It's 'through,' not ... whatever that was."

"Enough!" She raged, "I've lost everything in my life but this job! I'm not going to lose those rings two!"

"It's 'too!' It's not 'two,' you dilapidated moron!"

She took a pause, "... What does that mean?"

"It'll mean your face in two seconds," Hiei advanced on her, tore off her face, and - while she was preoccupied wailing in pain- he found a nice little permanent marker under the counter to write on the face in his hands.

'Hiei was here,' he wrote proudly - 'Hiei' on the forehead, 'was' on a cheek, and 'here' on the other cheek.

Also, under the counter, he found a lovely shotgun - likely used against robbers like himself - and dealt a few bullets into her head. Calling it justice, and since Koenma probably wouldn't punish him for killing her - she was probably a random youkai Mary Sue anyway - Hiei went to work on shoving a few more pieces of jewelry into his pockets, and then set the place on fire on his way out.

As much as he had enjoyed the pointless maiming of the Mary Sue, he supposed that he probably shouldn't have used the gun. That had attracted attention before the fire had. Luckily for him, Hiei was still one of the fastest youkai of the Makai, and thus wasn't spotted.

I'm winning this time! Those stupid readers, Sues, and authors - he glanced up idly as he ran, hoping to catch any sign of a certain authoress - will never stop me in my mission! I love you, PERSON THAT I LOVE! ...... Damn it!

From FanFiction:

Jasmemini: *shifty eyes* Was the mauling non-sappy enough for you? ^^ And thank you.

RoninsOath: Actually, it's more like Hiei finding out about all of the shit that people put them through and how their characters are basically turned inside out.

KoorimeFireFox: ^-^ You're not meant to know. And well about the whole reading of fan fics changing them ... ^^ That shall be revealed in the next couple of chapters.

whowhenwhatever: I just think he's pissed off. And ... well ... um ... *reads that sentence a few more times* ... ^^ Kind of a mixture of the two. More shall be explained in a later chapter.

Kohaku Hoshi: I like cheese, Ko-chan.

Next time, Hiei runs into some OOC characters.